Текст книги "Perfectly Hopeless"

Автор книги: Holly Hood

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

USELESS ISSUES

HENRI TOSSED THE RAG into the sink at the yogurt hut. Business had died down. And he had time for a break. It wasn’t that he enjoyed serving frozen yogurt, it was just most of the time April and Sandra were too selfish to help his aunt and uncle and he felt bad. Weeks before he wouldn’t have minded, now it seemed he wanted to be in another place. That place was around Maven.

He shook his head. He wasn’t sure how this growing attraction happened, or the significance. But now he hardly spent a waking hour without Maven’s smile or giggle coming to the surface, blotting out the days and making his life harder. It wasn’t a bad thing. It just wasn’t what someone close to their demise needed to dive into—for the sake of the living.

Flynn shoved Henri in the arm. “Earth to Henri, Dad told me to tell you to leave.”

Henri looked up from the Styrofoam cups. “Ok.”

Flynn ran a hand across his chin, studying Henri’s detached behavior. “Everything okay? Don’t you have an appointment today?”

Henri shook his head. “No.”

Flynn’s eyebrows lifted in unease. He wasn’t an idiot, his mother made sure to mark them on the wall calendar that hung in their kitchen—a constant reminder to Henri when he needed to get his behind to the doctors. “Is that so?”

Henri sighed, untying his apron, he wanted to ignore Flynn altogether, but he was known for administering a mean headlock. “It’s simple blood work or something. Just give me a break for one week.”

Flynn studied Henri. He wasn’t an expert on heart conditions, but his cousin seemed fine on most days. He didn’t like to know the details about Henri. He just knew it wasn’t good.

The night his mother told them all that Henri was sick he put his fist through his closet door. He didn’t like to see his mother crying—or even his aunt.

Henri and Flynn had always been close. His family regularly visited Henri’s in Tennessee. His mother and his aunt Charlotte were twins, the bond between them had remained strong their entire life. He was sure it was the only reason Henri was allowed to take off like he did and come stay with his family.

Flynn remembered his entire life with Henri. He was older, but that never changed the bond the two of them had. Henri had a way to get inside anyone’s heart. Flynn always wanted a brother and Henri was the closest thing he would ever have to one. So it was understandable he had a lot of pent up emotions about Henri’s health.

“Fine. As long as you’re doing something worthwhile,” Flynn told Henri. “Like hanging out with blondie and I don’t mean a walk on the beach.” He shot Henri the look. Henri was dying. If he was dying he knew he would be out nailing as many women as possible. Even if Henri wasn’t the same, he figured one girl was plenty to cross a few things off the bucket list.

But judging by the look on Henri’s face he didn’t think so.

“I forgot how much of a bigot you were,” Henri said.

“Years ago you had your moments too, Henri.” Flynn poked at the rag on the counter, then dropped to his elbows, staring out the small window at the vacant picnic tables and the dark skies.

“Yeah, well.” He hopped up on the counter not worried about customers. It was going to rain. “Once you know you’re dying you don’t worry about getting laid so much anymore.”

Henri watched Flynn make a face at his words. He stayed arched over the counter staring out the window. It wasn’t something they ever discussed. Usually it was a lot of code words and hints to the issue, but never direct communication.

“I don’t think I would ever be able to forget about sex. It’s the best part about girls.” He grinned, shooting Henri a look. “And blondie, she’s pretty hot. And so damn innocent. I bet sex would be interesting.”

Henri refused to smirk at the thought of it. He didn’t want to join in on the sex talk with Flynn about Maven. She wasn’t the kind of girl that you shared those intimate details with your buddies. That didn’t stop him from thinking about her all the time. Sure, he imagined what it would be like. How great it would feel to get that close with her. All the things he imagined would happen and all the things he hoped for. He was a guy after all.

“Are you going to the Hop?” Henri asked, changing the subject so Flynn would stop drooling over the thought of sex.

Flynn quickly nodded. “Tori’s coming down for the weekend. She already has a dress picked out.” Tori was Flynn’s girlfriend. More like his buddy or pal. But the problem with that—Tori saw their relationship as exclusive and wouldn’t bat an eyelash at making Flynn miserable if he ever thought to look at another girl. Henri wasn’t a fan of Tori because he knew Flynn wasn’t ready to settle down. And he knew Tori and her entire family was under the assumption that Flynn was an honorable guy who was going to do just that. Flynn liked her because she was nice-looking. He put up with her because he enjoyed having a sex buddy that lived far away.

“Good. Because I’m taking Maven and it would be nice to see a familiar face in the crowd.”

Flynn punched his arm. “You are so serious all the time. It’s a dance just have fun and don’t forget to breathe. Maybe this weekend will be your big night with blondie.”

Henri dropped from the counter. “Her name is Maven. And I doubt that. And if it was, you would be the last person I told.” Suddenly, he grabbed the doorknob, stumbling into the counter.

Flynn jumped up. “What was that?”

“Just a little lightheaded, I stood up too fast.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I got to go.”

Flynn grabbed his arm. “I think you should see the doctor today. Just to make sure everything is alright.” Henri gave him a dirty look, upset he was pushing the issue again.

“Better get those umbrellas down, storm is rolling in.” He twisted the knob, taking off before Flynn could argue with him. One appointment wasn’t going to make a difference. He shook the cloudy fog from his head and hurried toward the beach.

Maven jumped at the loud boom right outside her bedroom window. She closed her book, pulling back the curtain. The rain was falling in a steady rhythm. The sun was gone and the sidewalk outside was busy collecting puddles.

Her phone chirped. She grabbed it from the nightstand and flopped down on the bed. Ever since Jake had shown up she had been in a bad mood. She didn’t want to leave her house for fear he would show up again.

Jake and Tatiana weren’t together anymore. At one time it would have been the happiest moment of her life. Because at one time she prayed they would break up and that Jake would see what he had been missing and come back to her. And somehow she would forgive him and move on. But not anymore, now she was angry.

And now there was Henri. She didn’t know exactly how he felt about her, but she knew the way he made her feel. And she wasn’t willing to accept Jake’s crummy attempt at getting her back any longer. Henri had shown her that nice guys did exist. And she didn’t want to go back to Jake after meeting someone like Henri.

She pushed the button on her phone.

 

Raining like cats and dogs. I’m down at the beach sitting under that tree we first sat under. Care to join me?

 

It was Henri.

She stared off, debating on going or staying put. Jake couldn’t get to her from her room.

 

You could come here.

But this is such better scenery. I can’t believe you don’t like watching thunderstorms.

I do. I guess I’m a bit down today, Henri.

That’s a perfect reason to watch the storm with me. Cheer up, buttercup, there is always sunshine after the rain. :)

Maven burst into tears. She dropped down on her bed, clutching her pillow. The phone sliding to the floor, it chirped again.

She gathered her calm and flipped her hair over her shoulder. Lifting the phone from the floor, she gently wiped at her eyes with one hand while reading the text with the other.

 

Sorry you’re having a bad day. Hope it gets better. If you change your mind I’ll be down by the water.

That’s all it took. She wasn’t going to leave Henri alone because of her own selfish sadness. She slipped into her favorite yellow sundress, shoving on her sandals and hustled down the stairs.

Maggie peeked her head out from behind the magazine she was reading. “Henri I assume.”

Maven ignored her.

***

He was lying in the grass, hands behind his head just enjoying the roll of thunder that echoed every minute or so. The rain made the warmth turn into an oppressive fog. She was soaked by the time she plopped down beside him.

“Lie down and watch the sky, it’s great.” Henri told her from his spot in the grass.

Maven dropped down, rubbing the rainwater from her forehead. She looked up at the dreary skies.

“Now just listen,” Henri said. He took hold of her hand squeezing it. “Close your eyes and listen, its heaven.” A loud snap of thunder sounded in the distance sounding more like danger than heaven to her, but she did as he said, closing her eyes, the coolness in the air making her unpleasantly cold underneath her damp sundress.

“I’ve always liked listening to thunderstorms. I saw the tree out in our front yard get struck by lightning, talk about a rush.” He was his usual self while Maven felt a bit dark and depressed and it was hard to hide it. “Seeing nature so up close and personal, it’s exciting.”

Maven sat up. She pushed her wet hair behind her ear. Henri sat up too.

“Most people don’t compare thunderstorms to heaven.” She said out loud, watching the sky erupt in flashes of illumination, the wind an incessant brush across her face.

“The ones that enjoy thunderstorms do.” He looked at her, her expression blank. She was far away, lost in thought. He just didn’t know what of.

“You said you were a bit down today, why’s that?”

Maven finally looked at him. He looked anxious suddenly. Not his usual self. And this made her feel bad.

“Is it me?” Henri searched her eyes. “Or is it Jake Summit?”

She dropped her gaze at the sound of Jake’s name. “I don’t know.”

“Sure you do.”

Maven shook her head.

“You’re confused and that’s perfectly understandable.”

“I’m not confused, Henri.” She insisted. She dropped back into the grass letting out a sigh. She wondered if now was the time to tell him just how much she liked him, or if it was better to keep that to herself.

“You and Jake have a history. A long one.” He told her. “You and I both have a right to know if you still have feelings for Jake now that he is single.”

Maven shot up again from the grass. Henri was taking it all the wrong way. This had nothing to do with Jake. She didn’t want to figure anything out. She wanted to tell Henri just how much she cared about him and how sad she was at the thought of losing him now that she was so attached to him. That it hurt to wake up every day wondering if he was still going to be around and if so, how long.

Or how every night before she went to bed she wished she could just pick up the phone and speak the words her heart wanted to shout from the rooftops, that he was the most amazing boy she ever met. But she was afraid to burden him with that.

Henri expected her to say something. To tell him he wasn’t right in saying what he said. To confirm that Jake was the last thing on her mind and that the idea of ever feeling anything for that guy would never happen. She deserved better than Jake.

He wanted her to look at him with those big blue eyes and tell him she only thought about him anymore, to say anything.

“That’s not it,” Maven said. She frowned, biting at her nails.

Henri stood. Maven stared up at him. “What are you doing, Henri?”

“I’m going to head home.” He offered her his hand to help her up.

“But I don’t understand. Are you upset with me?”

Henri laughed. But it wasn’t because he was amused. He was far from it. He shoved his hands in his pockets, staring down at the ground. It was hard to look at her in a time like this. “Maven go figure out what you want.”

“Henri.”

“You’re having a bad day. You weren’t having one until the other day when Jake showed up.” He touched her face and finally looked at her. “I’m not angry with you. You have every right to see if there are still feelings there. Call me later ok?”

She watched him walk off. Another crash of lighting sounded in the distance, rain drops splattering all around her. She dropped back down in the grass, drawing her knees to her chest. She didn’t have it in her to chase after Henri and own up to how she was feeling. It would just hurt him. And she didn’t want to do that.

 

GIFT

MAVEN PLAYED THE VIDEO of Henri again in her bedroom. She watched Henri’s eyes, enjoying how when he smiled they lit up, turning his brown eyes into nothing more than a tight squint. The way he looked at her, if she hadn’t seen it for herself she would have never realized that the way Henri looked at her was magical. A different way than you normally looked at others.

“Or maybe I’m just stupid.” She sat her phone down.

She turned the video off and picked it back up. And with no difficulty at all she punched a number in her phone, one that was unknown because she had deliberately deleted it. At one time it was number one on her speed dial. The only number she knew how to dial most days.

The phone rang several times before he picked up.

“Hi,” she said, she pressed her chin to her knee staring at her purple toenail polish.

“Wow. This is a number I haven’t seen in a long time,” Jake said.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay. So talk. I really don’t want to be thrown down a flight of stairs by your dad again.”

Maven rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t a flight of stairs. And you deserved it, Jake.” She couldn’t believe she was talking to Jake. She needed answers and this was the only way to get them. “I’ll meet you at your parent’s house.”

She listened for Jake to agree or say anything at all.

“I’ll be here.”

She knew meeting up with Jake Summit was probably the worst thing she could do. But what if deep down a piece of her really did still care about Jake, she thought, on her way to his parent’s home.

She hurried along the cobblestone street, her feet in a rush to get it done and over with. Suddenly she was in a full-on sprint to get there quicker. Her hair fluttering behind her through the breeze, she was almost panicking.

So many times before she had made this exact trip, past the park, the museum, and the old town hall that wasn’t housing anything at the moment, but this time it wasn’t for the same reason.

She was on her way to Jake’s house to prove for once and for all that there was nothing between them anymore. So she could move on. She didn’t need hope anymore because she knew the things you wanted weren’t necessarily the things that you needed. She knew that the things that were meant to be just happened. You couldn’t control them like she once thought.

She stopped walking once she realized she was already standing in front of Jake’s home, her feet reluctant to climb the steps she had climbed so many times before. She spotted the familiar potted plants that lined the steps with petunias. The American flag that swayed in front of the brick home at all times, all year long, because his father was so patriotic.

Her eyes raised to find Jake’s bedroom window above her. She took a deep breath, climbing the stairs. Before she had to force herself to knock, the door opened and out walked Jake. He was dressed in dark cargo shorts and a red t-shirt one size too small. He liked to showcase his strongly built figure.

He slipped his hands into the pockets of his shorts, and looked at her. “That was fast.”

Maven nodded. “I wanted to get this over with.”

Jake sat down on his porch steps. Maven looked past, searching for his parents. It didn’t look as if anyone was home. She took a seat. The last thing she wanted was his parents talking and informing her father she had been sighted at their home.

“What do you need to get over with?” Jake asked, sanding his hands together before he leaned forward and rested his arms against his legs. “I’ve wanted to talk to you too.”

Maven looked away from him. It made it easier to say how she felt if she didn’t have to look at him. “A month ago I would have been overjoyed that you and Tatiana broke up.”

Jake surprised her by not saying something to irritate her for once.

“But now I’m just angry at you for doing what you did because it didn’t last.” She finally looked at him. “You and I have known each other our entire life. You ruined a lot when you and Tatiana got together. It’s not just about the fact that you lied to me for months about her. It’s that you treated me like the bad guy. You made my life miserable all because you wanted somebody else. And at the time I didn’t understand why, and I was hurt, Jake.” She could feel the tears coming to the surface.

Jake put an arm around her. “Things got boring. I’ve known you since I was in kindergarten, Tatiana was new.”

Maven pulled away. If that was his form of making her feel better he really was an idiot.

“I know that’s not what you want to hear. But, do you really blame me?” He laughed. “I’m a guy, these things happen, Maven. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t work this out now that I realized Tatiana wasn’t what I wanted. This can go back to normal.” He scanned her eyes for acceptance of his foolish idea.

Maven studied him closely. His eyes boring into her like every time before, but not in a charming way. It was just the way he looked at her, the way he looked at everyone. He expected to be forgiven because he had great eyes, perfect teeth, and James Dean hair.

She stared back, not moving a muscle. Jake raised a hand, pushing her hair from her shoulder. He leaned in, nudging her lips with his own. His mouth strong and insistent, not gentle or thoughtful, the kiss continued, her hands stayed in her lap, while his gripped her shoulders, keeping her in place so he could keep going.

Maven pulled away, wincing. She had forgotten his disgusting habit of biting. He thought it was hot, and she was sure it could be if he didn’t come close to drawing blood when he did it. Jake moved in again, but this time she pressed her hand into his chest stopping him.

He shook his head, grabbing her by the wrist. “Tell me you don’t feel something between us still.” He smirked, one hand gripping her wrist, the other creeping through her hair, pushing it off of her shoulders again. “I don’t miss this hair that’s for sure. It’s so long and annoying.” He touched her neck. “Gets in the way of the more important parts of your body.”

“I don’t feel anything. And I don’t care what you think about my hair.” She wrenched her arm loose, standing up. Jake shot up too. His eyes filled with resentment.

“That’s just ridiculous. You can’t honestly think that idiot is better than me.”

“Yeah I can. And the only idiot is me for thinking this would help me see what was right in front of my face.” She started down the stairs.

“What’s that, Maven?” Jake crossed his arm. “You think you found some great guy that’s going to treat you better? Once he knows the real you, he will find his own Tatiana, you will see that it’s not because I am an asshole, it’s because you’re just that boring.”

Maven ignored his vicious words, turning to leave. She concentrated on putting distance between Jake and herself, not the foul mouth that was hurling horrible insults at her. Or the threats he was making, trying to prove just how big and bad he was.

She told herself it was nothing more than Jake’s ego. He couldn’t stand not getting what he wanted. But now she knew that there was nothing between her and Jake anymore. And there would never be again.

She was over Jake Summit.

 

SUNBEAMS

THE DULL HUM in the empty doctor’s office, the soft patter of footsteps on the other side of the door, even the crinkle and crunch of the paper beneath him was grating on Henri’s nerves today. Another appointment, another hour of his life left to the wayside for the doctor to come in check his vitals and ask him how he was feeling. To check the pacemaker residing in his chest and tell him that everything looked good.

What was good about a device designed to remind his pathetic heart to beat correctly? Some would say, obviously, that it kept him alive. But Henri felt nothing more than robotic relying on a machine to keep him going.

Sometimes at night he lay in bed, staring at his ceiling, wondering how many times he had been saved from dying because of his pacemaker. And then other thoughts crept into his mind. The ones that made him feel bad for living a life that wasn’t meant for him. He wasn’t made right, his body had many flaws. He wasn’t supposed to be breathing anymore. The only reason he was—science. On some occasions he was alright with that. But days like today he couldn’t help feeling like it didn’t matter.

The door opened. Henri prepared himself for horrible news. He hadn’t been feeling all that great. He barely wanted to get out of bed this morning. He wasn’t going to deny it. He wasn’t certain if it were depression or stupidity. He rubbed the back of his neck watching Maven’s mother sift through his file, her back turned to him. She hadn’t even said hello. Maybe she was too afraid to hand over the bad news. Or maybe she just didn’t want to look at him knowing his tie to Maven was slowly drifting into the oblivion. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t the first time someone dumped him. He wanted to inform her that being dead last was kind of normal to him.

Jake Summit was a healthy, good looking guy. It made sense Maven would want Jake over him. His heart quickened. He just wished she would turn around and say something. His mind drifted back to Maven. She hadn’t picked Jake over him. She hadn’t even said anything like that to him. He was getting ahead of himself.

“Henri.” She took a few steps forward, her white doctors’ coat skimming past her knee. He studied her red heels. Not many doctors were so stylish. He was used to staring at running shoes or the kind to help ease a backache. The kind he expected to see today, but instead, there was Maven’s mother.

Henri lifted his head allowing her to inspect his lymph nodes. Opening his mouth for the usual peek, next he followed her pen, bored. He watched her write something down and then quickly place it in the pocket of her coat.

Instead of the usual talk about what he should or shouldn’t be doing, she pulled up a stool. Henri studied her closely, this was not the norm.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how I feel?”

She shook her head. “I have something to discuss with you.” She placed a hand on his knee squeezing ever so enthusiastically. His fingers jerked against the paper nervously. “Something good.”

Henri’s expression stayed stoic. He barely reacted to the idea anything she was going to say to him was going to be good. Things hadn’t been good for some time now.

She removed her hand, flipping the tablet open.

“I know your doctor has informed you and your family that he wasn’t willing to try any other attempts at fixing your condition.” She dropped her gaze from Henri to the tablet. “But I have talked to several of my colleagues back home and they tell me they have been very successful with a different method.”

Henri felt dizzy. He wasn’t sure if it was the usual reason or because this woman he hardly knew was trying to give him hope. “Everyone we have talked to has said the same thing.” He was growing angry that she would do this to him. “I have a heart condition,” he said.

She nodded. “I am fully aware of this.” She turned to the door as Henri’s aunt came in. A big smile on her face that only made him angrier, it was obvious she had taken the bait and believed Maven’s mother had answers to fix him. But he wasn’t so quick to believe anything anyone told him anymore. It wasn’t the first time someone tried to go to the extreme to save him.

“I have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Maybe you should do a little more research. There are three ways to help me. And I have the scar to prove that they tried one already.” He brought his hand to his chest.

His aunt Janet moved in, grabbing up his fist in her grip. “We have talked with the doctor’s back home where Dr. Wilder works and they said they’ve had quite a few great successes with this procedure, Henri. This might be the answer.”

Henri’s gaze fell back on Dr. Wilder. She nodded, eager to explain.

“That’s not the only thing wrong with me.” He looked at Aunt Janet. “You told her the rest? About the Von-what’s it called disease?” He could see by his aunt’s face he was pushing her patience.

“Of course she knows about this, Henri. She is a doctor, and she also has your files right in front of her face.”

Dr. Wilder stood up. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, reminding him of Maven and taking him away from the futile chat bouncing around the room. He barely heard the details that his disease had been dormant lately, dormant enough to make him an ideal candidate for the new-fangled procedure where, with her doctor friend’s brilliant hands and a team of surgeons, they were sure they could manipulate his heart and body to do amazing things, restoring him to outstanding physical condition.

He blinked, coming back to reality, Aunt Janet’s fingernails digging into the skin of his hand.

“Isn’t that great, Henri?”

The two women stared at him, their smiles turning them into beaming idiots. But he couldn’t wrap his brain around it.

“Henri, Dr. Wilder believes this will fix you, that you will be able to go on living a normal life just like everyone else.” She touched his face, drawing his gaze to hers. “I know it’s a lot to take in. But be happy please. This is truly the answer to all of our prayers.”

Henri forced a smile, igniting a sob from Aunt Janet. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. Dr. Wilder smiled warmly rubbing her back. “This is great news, Henri.”

Henri nodded.

“This weekend we are going to admit you into the hospital. It’s very important you have several days of medications and all the right care before the procedure. This will guarantee your body can handle the surgery.”

He hated the word surgery. But he couldn’t deny that the idea that he might have a chance at living was an amazing thing. Better than what he expected when he first walked in the doctor’s office that morning.

“The weekend?” he asked, suddenly remembering the Hop. “This weekend?”

Dr. Wilder nodded. “Yes, this weekend, Henri. And it couldn’t happen soon enough. I have looked over your results from a few weeks ago and it’s the best thing that could happen, the sooner the better.”

Aunt Janet looked up. “What do you mean?”

Dr. Wilder’s eyebrows dropped. She didn’t want to ruin the good news by throwing bad news on top of it. “We will discuss the details about the procedure this weekend.” She dropped her gaze back to the paper. “It seems the pacemaker has been working a lot harder than before, Henri. And this indicates—”

“That things are worse.” Henri finished the sentence for her. The reason for all the dizziness was revealed, and for his lack of energy most days.

Aunt Janet kissed Henri on the cheek. “This weekend things will be better.”

“Yes. This weekend we will be one step closer to fixing Henri.” Dr. Wilder smiled along with Aunt Janet.

Henri smiled, staring off. He promised Maven he would take her to the Hop. He wasn’t about to disappoint her. It meant a lot to her. It was something she was looking forward to. He would go to the ball and be back before morning. And then the doctors could have at it.

“You won’t say anything to Maven right?” He asked Dr. Wilder.

Dr. Wilder shook her head very quickly. “Of course not. Anything that happens in here is between you and I. Doctor’s oath, Henri.”

Henri hopped down from the table. As soon as he hit the hallway he was bum-rushed by his father, his arms crushing him as he squeezed the life out of him.

“I got on the first flight out here, dude!” His dad exclaimed, he let him go, but then grabbed him by the shoulders nearly shaking the life out of him.

Aunt Janet slapped his father in the arm. “Stop shaking Henri, he is still unwell Doug.” They embraced. Henri stood back watching. It had been some time since he saw his father—if that was what you would call a guy who left his mother to “explore” the world (and nearly every twenty-something waitress he ran into) as he put it. There was no rhyme or reason behind his departure. He just took off six months after Henri did.

Henri crossed his arms, his gaze falling on his mother now. She gave a wave from behind the chaos, a purse in one hand, a gift in the other. She let both fall on the floor as soon as she could get to him.

“I missed you, Henri,” she said, squeezing him lightly. Henri rolled his eyes, lifting her off the ground in an attempt to give her the best hug he could muster.

“I missed you too, ma.”

She smiled, tears in her eyes, unlike Henri she wasn’t afraid to share her emotions for the entire world to see. Crying was better left for behind closed doors, that was his father’s motto. Henri wiped her eyes with the back of his hand. “Stop crying. You’re supposed to be happy.”