Текст книги "Clipped Wings"

Автор книги: Helena Hunting

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Текущая страница: 20 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

27

HAYDEN

Son of a mother-fucking bitch.

Of the dozens of people packed into the living room, I could count four that I’d been with. And not as in dated. As in fucked once and never repeated the act again. Getting through the throng of bodies to Tenley would be like crossing a minefield. I’d be lucky if I didn’t come out with shrapnel in my ass.

Lisa had warned me, but I hadn’t factored how many of the girls Lisa and Jamie were friends with were also familiar with me. Not much had been off-limits back in the day. I probably should have prepared Tenley a little better for who or what she might encounter.

To make the situation worse, Tenley looked disconcertingly hot dressed up like a ’50s housewife, with her hair pulled back in a smooth ponytail. People were looking at her. She’d been here for hours without me, and any number of assholes could have hit on her. I wanted to flip her skirt up, wrap that ponytail around my hand, and bend her over the closest surface available, just to make a point. I didn’t even have a chance to close the door before Trina, a former fuck, came hurtling at me. I’d been with her once, three years ago. Sienna had participated, too. I flinched as she vise-gripped my neck in a hug. She blatantly rubbed her tits on me. I kept my hand up, refusing to return the molestation, and watched Tenley’s smile dissolve.

Fuck.

“Hey, Trina.” I disentangled myself from her.

“Hayden! How are you? You look gorgeous,” she tittered.

I had a vague memory of what she’d sounded like when she’d come. It wasn’t pleasant. Her hands were like annoying little birds, flapping around my face and my chest.

“I have someone I need to talk to. I’ll catch you later.” I stepped around her and headed for a very irritated Tenley.

“Friend of yours?” she asked and took a sip of her wine.

“We used to hang out.”

“Is that a euphemism?” There was a bite in her tone I’d never heard before. It made me nervous.

“It wasn’t meant to be.” Though in this case it was. I moved on to a less detrimental topic. “Sorry I’m late. Chris stuck me with a closer who needed a break every five minutes, even after I gave him a pussyball.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Pussyball?”

I smiled and leaned in close so my lips were at her ear. “Say it again, but whisper this time, and just the ‘pussy’ part.”

She poked me. I grabbed her finger and bit it right above the first knuckle, dragging my tongue over the pad. “Please?”

That did it. Her glower disappeared and she parted her lips. Her palm flattened on my chest, and she rose up on tiptoes. I bent to accommodate her, until my ear was at her mouth.

“No,” she whispered in a voice that sounded like sex.

“I’ll eat yours later if you do,” I whispered back, bargaining.

“Hayden!” she exclaimed loudly and glanced around the room.

“Later then.” I’d get her to say “pussy” again, in the privacy of her bedroom. Then I could make good on my promise. Right now there were eyes on us. More specifically, her. I didn’t like it.

“Who put you in this?” I asked. Her dress was practically backless, most of the outline on display.

“Lisa.”

“Where is she? I need to have a chat with her.”

“Why?”

“Because.” I touched the marks I’d left on her neck. I could barely make them out anymore. “You look entirely too fuckable.”

She adopted a sugary smile. “It seems we both have that problem tonight. I need more wine.”

She tipped her head back and downed what was left in her glass. With a flip of her ponytail, she spun around and strutted to the makeshift bar. Tonight would either be very good or very, very bad. Tenley was already half in the bag, judging from the fluidity of her movements and her willingness to chug white wine.

I remained by her side, introducing her to former and current clients, but only the ones I hadn’t engaged in illicit activities with. Tenley gravitated to the rooms where the crowd was less dense. She was inquisitive and engaging. She didn’t gawk or grow uncomfortable around the guy with the fucked-up neck tattoo depicting a very realistic open wound, or the chick with more steel in her face than an android. I hovered over her protectively when people checked out her ink. She accepted compliments with humble grace, defaulting to me when they praised the artwork. I’d never been so proud of an outline in my entire career.

The party started to get a little more raucous as the evening wore on. Around midnight, Sarah waltzed in the door in her nine-inch stilettos. Tenley was ecstatic to see her. Sarah and Lisa petitioned to steal Tenley from me to do whatever the hell chicks do together at parties. I wasn’t keen on the idea. If Sarah and Lisa took her, I couldn’t monitor her alcohol consumption. Or ensure my post-fucks wouldn’t approach her.

Lisa patted me on the arm. “Don’t worry, Hayden, we’ll take care of her.”

“I’ll come find you in a bit,” Tenley said and kissed my cheek.

I pulled her up tight against me, unconcerned with the audience. “Don’t talk to strangers,” I murmured.

And then, because I couldn’t help myself and I was a territorial asshole with issues, I parted my lips and sucked on her neck. Hard. I released the skin and smiled down at my handiwork. Then I looked around to check if anyone noticed. Lisa seemed like she was trying not to laugh. Sarah clearly thought I was insane. Tenley was pissed. Superpissed.

She ran her hand over the purple-pink mark. “Why would you do that?” she asked, loud enough that several conversations close by came to a halt.

“Uh . . .” I couldn’t answer the question without sounding like a complete dipshit.

“I haven’t been able to wear my hair up for two weeks, Hayden.” Her hands flailed and wine sloshed over the edge of her glass. “Now I have to walk around with a hickey for the rest of the night.”

Tenley was irate. Her cheeks were deep pink, her eyes burning. I had a feeling the hickey wasn’t really the problem and that later, when we were alone and she was sober, I was going to get it. Most of the time I liked it when she got feisty. Unfortunately, this might be one of those occasions when the feistiness could end in a fight if I wasn’t careful. The potential for hot sex in the aftermath might not be so bad, though.

“Do you think this is funny?”

Shit. I must have been smiling.

She tugged me forward by my shirt. Her lips parted and her tongue swept over my neck. Then her teeth pressed down and she sucked so hard it hurt. When she was done repaying me for my transgression, her teeth scraped over the sensitive skin and she nipped me. I rubbed the spot, half expecting to feel blood, but my fingers came away clean.

“Maybe that’ll keep the bitches at bay.” She turned away, stomping through the crowd.

Sarah shot me a look that would neuter a weaker man. Lisa smiled sweetly. “I love you, Hayden, I really do, but you have a lot to learn. I hope you enjoy the couch tonight, or the solitude of your own bed.”

“You think she’s that mad?” Tenley’s ponytail swished angrily as she headed for the sliding doors that led to the backyard.

“You just gave her a giant hickey because you can’t stand the thought of anyone looking at her but you. Yes. She is that mad.”

“Shit.”

“I’ll go talk to her. In the meantime, find Jamie and stay out of trouble.”

“Okay.” Lisa turned to leave, but I caught her arm. “Wait. Make sure you steer clear of Trina and Erin and Destiny and that other one . . . Cl—” Christ. I was such a fuckwit. I couldn’t even remember the name of the woman I had sex with less than two years ago. “Charity?”

Lisa gave me a pained look. “You told me you were going to talk to Tenley before the party.”

“There wasn’t a good time.”

“There’s never going to be a good time.”

“I know that. I didn’t want to ruin things. Can we talk about this later? I need you to find her and take care of her. She’s drunk and angry and Sarah’s with her. None of those things are good for me.”

“Fine. But don’t think for a second we aren’t going to talk about this.”

I pulled her into a brief hug. “I’m sorry I’m always screwing shit up.”

She seemed surprised by the affection. “Your intentions are always good, it’s your execution that’s lacking. I’ll see what I can do.”

Lisa disappeared outside. I had a strong urge to follow, but then I’d look like a whipped loser. Which I was. Instead I headed to the basement, where Chris was playing pool. At the built-in bar was an array of drinks and snacks, including cupcakes. They were definitely Tenley’s creations. Black-and-white wrappers in varying designs housed a variety of flavors, icing piled high, little hearts and skulls sprinkled on top. I took one, unwrapped it, and shoved the entire thing in my mouth.

“She made six dozen–you don’t need to inhale them,” Jamie said. He approached the bar, dropped ice cubes in a plastic glass, and poured me a scotch. “You look like you need this.”

“Hey bro, I haven’t seen you all night,” Chris said as he racked the balls. “You want to play?”

“Sure.” I didn’t have anything better to do.

“Whoa H, Tenley having a hard time waiting to get home?” Chris asked.

When I gave him a blank look, he pointed to the side of my neck.

“Oh that.” I hadn’t bothered to look at it. It was sensitive to touch, so it must have been pretty bad. “No, that was payback for being an asshole.”

“You? An asshole? That’s hard to believe,” Jamie snickered.

“I guess it could have been worse?” Chris offered.

“It probably will be later.”

The upcoming conversation with Tenley was one I didn’t want to have. I’d put it off for too long and now, like always, it was biting me in the ass. Almost an hour later Tenley still hadn’t come looking for me. Irritable after losing three games, I went upstairs to find her. I trolled the rooms and ended up running into Damen.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked, checking for his entourage of wannabe tattooists and thugs in training.

“I was invited.”

“By who?” Jamie would never welcome him into his house, and Lisa steered clear of Damen at all costs. “Has Lisa seen you?”

“Not yet,” he said, apathetic. His eyes drifted to my neck. “Sienna’s here somewhere, although from the look of things you might have already found her.”

Shit. The situation was going from bad to worse. I needed to find Tenley and get her home before those two ran into each other.

I turned away from Damen, looked over the room, and came up empty. Maybe the girls had gone upstairs. The hall was roped off past the bathroom. I ducked under the rope and tried all the doors, but they were locked. Stepping into the bathroom, I closed myself in to muffle the pounding music and called Tenley. Voice mail kicked in, so I hung up and sent a text instead. I was about to go back downstairs and do another sweep of the house when the door flew open.

Sienna. She was wearing a black-corset-looking thing that didn’t begin to cover enough skin. Her massive cleavage was pushed up and in, her nipples hazardously close to showing. The sequined black miniskirt she paired it with was so short that I’d catch an eyeful if she bent over.

“Trina! Guess who I found?”

Trina appeared behind her, blocking the doorway. Her eyes lit up with the same salacious intent.

“Trina tells me you’ve been occupied all night, but it looks like you aren’t anymore.”

Trina didn’t say a word as she came up behind Sienna. Her eyes stayed on me as she licked a path from Sienna’s neck to her ear. Sienna moaned. She sounded like a porn star.

I’d seen more than enough. “Well, it looks like you girls have got a handle on things. If you don’t mind, I’m going to head back to the party.” Even I was impressed with how blasé I sounded. I was practically shitting my pants. I’d texted Tenley my location. This was not the kind of scene I wanted her walking in on.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Sienna’s seductive pout disappeared. She pushed away from Trina and wrapped herself around me, hooking one of her legs around mine, the sharp end of her stiletto biting into the back of my knee. Her other leg came between mine, and she gyrated her hips against my black pants. That would leave a mark.

“Don’t you want to fuck?” she whined.

“I’m good, thanks.”

Thank Christ my dick had the decency not to get hard. I might hate her, but I didn’t always have control over how my body wanted to react to two chicks making out in 3-D. Fortunately the connection between it and my brain must have been intact, processing the who, and not just the what.

“Get off me.” I caught her hand before it could move lower.

Trina stood off to the side, watching the altercation with perverse fascination.

“Make me,” Sienna purred.

So we were back to this again. “Your desperation is pathetic.” Disinclined to feed into her BS, I gathered up her other wrist as she tried to hold on to my neck. How I managed to find myself in such fucked-up situations was beyond me.

“Hayden?” Tenley pulled my attention away from the overprocessed harpy still stuck to my leg.

Tenley stood in the hall, just outside the bathroom. The color drained from her face. She blinked, eyes brimming.

“Shit. Tenley, I can explain.”

I shoved Sienna away. She stumbled back and hit the vanity, causing the soap dispenser to fall into the sink with a loud crack.

Icy distaste replaced the devastation on Tenley’s face. She turned and ran, skidding down the hall. I went to follow, afraid she’d slip or worse, but Sienna got in front of me.

“Just let her go, Hayden. She’ll never understand you. She’ll never be enough.”

A surge of violent hostility tore through me. I willed my hands to stay at my sides and not wrap around her throat.

“Get the fuck out of my way,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Why? So you can chase after her and hear things you already know are true? She can’t handle you, you have to know that. You can’t be faithful to her. You’ll get bored.”

Her words sparked an epiphany. I suddenly realized why I had always gone back to Sienna. On some level I had believed the shit she spewed. Her manipulation had kept me bound to my own self-loathing tendencies. Until Tenley, I hadn’t known what it felt like to be with someone who understood the pain beneath my ink. I did now.

“I need you to listen to me,” I seethed, quiet and controlled. “I hate you. Do you get that? You ruin my life every time you come back into it.”

She paled and staggered back, like I’d slapped her. I advanced on her and Trina seized my arm, but I shook her off.

“I. Hate. You. I hate what you do to me. I hate you more than the fucking psycho who shot my parents. Do you understand?”

“Hayden, stop.” Trina touched my shoulder.

I wheeled on her. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

She backed away, hands up in surrender. When I turned to Sienna, I saw my reflection in the mirror, eyes wild, jaw tight, a malignant sneer distorting my face. There was only panic in Sienna’s gaze.

“I asked you a question. Do you understand?”

Her head bobbed up and down.

“Stay the fuck away from me and what’s mine,” I barked.

I stormed down the hallway, hell-bent on finding Tenley so I could once again try to fix what I’d broken.

28

HAYDEN

Lisa and Chris stopped me at the front door. Judging by their concern, I must have looked like a complete mental case.

“Where is she?”

“Sarah took Tenley home,” Lisa said. “I tried to talk to her, but she was too upset.”

“What the hell happened? Tee was flipping out.”

“Sienna happened. She and Trina cornered me in the upstairs bathroom. Those two are a fucking nightmare. Sienna wouldn’t walk away. She just kept coming at me and running her mouth.”

“What?” Lisa looked ill.

“Are you kidding?” Chris practically snarled.

“I wish I was. Tenley walked in when Sienna was trying to hump my leg. You know how she is, Chris. I just wanted to get away from her without doing any damage.” My eyes felt wrong, weird. Like they were watering. It was getting harder to breathe. I pressed the heel of my hand against my forehead, hoping to fend off what felt like the beginning of a panic attack. “I need to get to Tenley so I can explain. Make her understand.”

As I headed for the door, Lisa got in the way. “You can’t drive.”

I started to argue but thought better of it. I’d been drinking and I was pissed, not a good combination for getting behind the wheel. “Fine. I’ll run.”

“I can take you,” Chris offered.

“How are you in better form than me?” Chris was usually the first to tie one on.

“He’s had two beers all night. Jamie will vouch,” Lisa replied.

“Sarah said she was coming. I didn’t want to get hammered and do something stupid,” he said with an apologetic shrug.

“I wish I’d been smart enough to do that.” I tossed my keys to Chris. “I’m not getting on the crotch rocket.”

He snatched them out of the air. “It’s not a crotch rocket.”

Before I could follow him out of the house, Lisa threw her arms around me. “I’m really sorry, Hayden. I didn’t invite Sienna. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I know.” I gave her a swift peck on the cheek and took off after Chris.

He was already in my car, gunning the engine. I dropped into the passenger seat and he pulled away from the curb.

“I’m sorry, man. This whole thing is my fault,” he said, downshifting as he turned the corner.

“No, it’s not. I made my own decision to go to The Dollhouse. You didn’t hold a gun to my head.” I tapped my fingers on the dash, anxious to get to Tenley.

“I don’t mean that. I invited Sarah to the party the last time I was there. Damen overheard and asked about it.”

That explained a lot. I couldn’t be mad at Chris, though. It would have gotten back to Sienna somehow.

Both the Tercel and the Prius were parked behind Serendipity, which meant they’d made it home okay. I just hoped Tenley would speak to me. Chris followed me up, prepared to act as a distraction if necessary.

Sarah answered the door. Her eyes widened a fraction when she saw Chris standing behind me, but she remained impassive otherwise. “You’re really not all that attached to your balls, are you?”

I lowered a hand protectively, uncertain about her intentions and the safety of said balls. “I can explain.”

“Oh, really? You can explain why you were in a bathroom fucking around with two women?” The calm façade dropped. “I’d love to hear the story, but I’m busy keeping my friend from going off the deep end because her boyfriend is a cheating fuckwad!”

None of what she said shocked me, except the “boyfriend” part. Was that what I was? Sarah started to slam the door in my face, but I put out a hand to stop her. “Listen. I get that you’re upset with me right now—”

“ ‘Upset’ doesn’t even begin to touch how I feel about you—”

“—and I appreciate that as Tenley’s friend, you want to protect her. But you have no idea what happened, and neither does she. Tenley’s spinning worst-case scenarios in her head and I can’t have that. I need to explain so she can understand, and you’re preventing me from doing that. Do you see how that’s a problem for me?” I asked, struggling to remain calm.

“I’m having difficulty understanding why I should give a shit.”

“Because you, like me, care about Tenley. I wouldn’t be here negotiating with you if I didn’t.”

“You have one minute to explain.”

I briefly considered moving her out of the way to get to Tenley, but if I wanted to make things better, it wouldn’t go over well to manhandle Tenley’s friend.

“I was searching for Tenley. I knew she was pissed at me for being a dick earlier.” I motioned to my neck, like I needed to point out the obvious.

“Excuse me,” Chris said from over my shoulder.

Both Sarah and I turned to look at him with disbelief. I wasn’t sure if I should be more shocked by his polite address or the fact that he was interrupting my time-limited explanation.

“I know you don’t want  Tee to get hurt, Sarah, but in this case, it would be better for H to talk to her. Why don’t we give them a few minutes to sort things out? If Tee wants him to leave, I’ll take him home and make sure he stays there.”

Sarah stared at him, clearly contemplating the request. “Fine. But I’m leaving the door to my apartment open.” She gave me a hateful glare and stormed past.

As soon as she cleared the door I went into the apartment. Tenley was sitting on one of the bar stools, her hands clasped in front of her, a pile of shredded tissue on the counter. I could still hear Sarah in the hall, followed by Chris’s gentle coaxing. I ignored them, my focus on the veil of dark hair obscuring Tenley’s face. She lifted her head when I closed the door. Her eyes were red, puffy, her cheeks blotchy from crying. And I was to blame.

Tenley eyed me as I crossed the room. When I rounded the counter, she put her hand up and shook her head.

“That’s close enough.” It came out a gravelly whisper.

I raised my hands in supplication. “I’m sorry, kitten.”

“Don’t call me that.” Her hand shook as she touched the angry mark on her neck. Mine was worse. “What was the purpose of this? Were you looking to mark your territory in case you decided you might want to finish up with me when you were done with your exes?”

“They aren’t exes.”

“Oh no? How would you define it then? Booty calls? Fuck buddies?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like? Please enlighten me, because from where I am, the picture it paints isn’t very pretty. I may not have the wealth of experience you do, but I’m not stupid. Clearly you’ve been with both of those women at some point. From the look of it, neither one of them minded sharing you. Is that what you want?”

“Are you fucking serious?” I asked, shocked she would think that. But it made sense, considering the messed-up situation she’d walked in on.

Her shoulders bowed and she looked down at the counter. “Wasn’t that what the text was about? Some sort of sick invitation to join you?”

Nausea washed over me.

“That’s not how things went down. It had been an hour and you still hadn’t come back. I couldn’t find you on the main floor so I checked upstairs, but you weren’t there. I called so I could come get you, and when you didn’t answer, I sent a text. Sienna and Trina barricaded me in the bathroom when I tried to leave.”

Tenley scoffed. “You didn’t seem to mind the attention.”

“I know how it must look from your perspective, but Sienna is messed up. Dealing with her is a challenge when she’s sober, let alone when she’s hopped up on amphetamines and loaded. I was trying to get her off me without hurting her.”

Tenley regarded me with skepticism.

“Think about what you saw. I was holding her wrists so she couldn’t touch me.” I waited for her to see the logic and acknowledge it could be true.

“Do you have any idea how humiliating tonight was for me?” She’d gone flat, like I drained all the emotion out of her.

The sinking feeling in my stomach grew heavier. “I didn’t mean it to be that way. Look, Tenley, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. This is new to me.” When she gave no response, I sighed. “This . . . thing, relationship, whatever we have, I’ve spent my life avoiding this, so I’m at a loss here. My past is unpleasant, and truthfully I don’t like the idea of sharing it with you.”

“It’s that bad?” She peeked up at me.

“I don’t know, maybe. I guess it depends on who you’re asking. I can’t change it. It’s part of who I was. Past tense. All I know is that I want you, all the fucking time, every day, endlessly. I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t know how to make sense of it without overwhelming you, and I don’t want to tell you anything that’s going to jeopardize it.”

“Do you think I know what I’m doing any more than you?”

Of course that’s what I thought. Tenley went to college. She must have dated. Had boyfriends. Probably several, which made me want to hurt someone. But that was an assumption, because we never talked about it. “Don’t you?”

“I’ve had one long-term relationship.”

I stared at her, my brain slow to process. “You’ve only fucked one other person?”

She cringed, maybe at my crass terminology. “That’s not what I said.”

Her cheeks went a brilliant shade of red, and I couldn’t tell whether she was lying or embarrassed. While part of me didn’t want this kind of information, there was a certain degree of satisfaction in knowing I was one of very few, double standard notwithstanding.

“Elaborate, please,” I said.

“Are you asking for a head count?”

“Yes.” As soon as I said it, I wanted to change my answer.

“Are you going to give me one?” she asked, brow arched defiantly.

“I don’t have an exact number.”

“Do you have a ballpark estimate?”

I swallowed. The answer would not work in my favor. “Fuck, Tenley. I don’t know. I didn’t keep a journal chronicling my sexual exploits. I’ve done a lot of shit I’m not proud of. I don’t need written documentation to prove how much of a deviant I’ve been.” I took a step closer and she stiffened, so I stopped. “I’ve always rebelled against normal codes of behavior. Even when I was a kid with great parents who gave me just about anything I asked for. I have always pushed the boundaries. Socially, physically, sexually, all of it.” I needed to shut the fuck up before I said something that would make her run, or worse. But at the same time, part of me wanted to be done with pretending that the way I was with Tenley was the way I’d always been. She was different; she made me different. Better. She had to see that.

“What does that even mean?” she asked on a whisper.

“It means I didn’t follow the normal rules.”

“That’s not helpful.”

“Do you really want details? Because I’m pretty sure you’d be much happier without them.”

“And I’m not sure I agree with you. Do you know how it felt to walk into my friend’s house and be bombarded by an entourage of women you’ve clearly been with?”

“I would hardly call it an ‘entourage.’ ”

“Oh no? Just out of curiosity, how many people at that party have you slept with? I counted five.”

She was spot on, but admitting it didn’t seem all that smart. “I didn’t sleep with any of those women.”

“Semantics, Hayden. Sex, fucking, whatever you want to call it, it amounts to the same thing.”

“Like hell it does!”

“What’s the difference? They get off, you get off, everybody’s happy,” she said acidly.

“I was never happy!” I shouted. “Shit.” I ran my hands through my hair, paced the length of her kitchen, and tried to calm the fuck down.

Tenley chewed on her nails, staying safely on the opposite side of the counter. I couldn’t blame her. I was acting like a psycho.

I took a deep breath. “I’m not doing a very good job explaining myself.”

“Or answering my questions.”

“Look, this isn’t a topic I’ve had to discuss before. I’m not exactly comfortable with it.”

“Maybe not, but tonight might have been easier if I hadn’t been blindsided,” Tenley fired back.

I threw my hands up in the air. “What did you want me to say? ‘I fucked this stripper back in the day. She likes to make my life hell by not letting me forget it. I hope you’re cool with that. Oh, and while we’re on the subject, there might be several women at this party that I’ve fucked before, too, but no biggie, they were just one-timers.’ Excuse me if I wasn’t all that excited to share those lovely details with you.”

Tenley looked shocked, and a little repulsed, which was the reason I didn’t want to tell her in the first place.

“Sienna is a stripper?”

“Was. Now she’s just a slut.”

She grimaced, like my words left a bad taste in her mouth.

“And you only had sex with her once?”

She looked so goddamn hopeful. It was like being stabbed in the chest with a rusty butter knife. I wanted to be able to answer in the affirmative. It would make things so much easier if I could say yes, but I’d omitted enough truths.

“Not exactly.”

She glared at me.

“I don’t usually do repeat offenses.”

“Excuse me?”

“That came out wrong.”

“You better hope it did,” she snapped. And this was why I wanted to be with her—for all of her naivete and her tragic past, she was still so full of fire.

“I was with Sienna more than once. We didn’t have a relationship, but she let me do raunchy shit with her and she didn’t mind tag-a-longs, so I kept it up for a while. Usually they were one-shot deals.” I cringed at how awful it sounded.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why were they usually one-shot deals?”

“Because that was all it was.” I had no desire to explain any further.

“Elaborate, please.” She threw my words back at me.

I took a step closer, the urge to touch her almost debilitating. “After my parents died, I didn’t give a shit about anyone but myself. I didn’t want to connect with anyone, and I was fucked up on enough booze and drugs to make it easy to avoid falling into that trap. If I never went back for an encore, then I didn’t have to worry about someone wanting more than I had to give.”

“But you slept with Sienna more than once.”

I paused, caught up in memories from the past. I didn’t want to tell Tenley about the shit I did. I was snorting through my paychecks faster than I could cash them. Jamie, who was also working for Damen at the time, started talking about opening his own shop, but he didn’t have the money to go it alone. Even with Chris, they couldn’t manage it. There was all this money I couldn’t touch until I was twenty-one, and another chunk that would be freed up at twenty-five. My dad was a smart fucker in that respect. He set things up so that I wouldn’t piss it all away if something happened to them. He probably knew from the beginning how badly I would fuck things up when left to my own devices.

Nate and Jamie essentially saved my ass from becoming a brain-dead cokehead. I signed over temporary control of my finances to Nate so I could buy what eventually became Inked Armor. Jamie was the one who cut off the coke. Chris made sure I stayed clean. Nate ensured I didn’t piss away my money. But it came with a cost, because I couldn’t cope without vices. Sienna filled that role. Or rather, I filled her. Whenever. Wherever.

“Sienna and I fucked. That was it. And yes, it was more than once, but it wasn’t like either one of us was particularly attached. It wasn’t monogamous. She was up for pretty much anything. I was twenty and looking for ways to deal with my shit. I needed another outlet. It worked for a while, until I got bored and she got . . . whatever she got. Then she fucked Chris and we instituted the rule.” It was the only thing we brought with us from Art Addicts to Inked Armor.