Текст книги "Clipped Wings"
Автор книги: Helena Hunting
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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
25
TENLEY
Hayden was still inside me, his mouth by my ear, breathing hard. His admission—soaked in guilt—hung in the air, fueling the already uncontrolled desire between us.
I’d already come twice and he was still going, endless and unyielding as he slammed into me. Every harsh thrust pushed me higher, sent another shock wave of sensation radiating through me.
He threaded his fingers through mine, gripping the edge of the counter with our twined hands to give him more leverage. I groaned as he went even deeper, that insidious steel ball stroking from the inside. I couldn’t push back anymore, pinned as I was, completely at his mercy.
“You feel so fucking good,” he said almost plaintively, his lips against my cheek, my neck, my shoulder as he continued to fill and retreat, over and over. “Do I make you feel good?”
“Yes,” I rasped, dragging in a ragged breath.
“Only me,” he murmured, releasing one of my hands. My fingers tingled with the sudden rush of blood. Hayden’s palm ghosted down my side and around my hip. Going lower, his fingers glided over my clit.
“Tell me,” Hayden demanded, but it sounded like a plea. “Tell me I’m the only one.”
“Only you,” I whispered, the truth in those two words more devastating than he could understand. I was so lost in him.
“That’s right,” he said with relief. His fingers circled in time to the heavy rhythm of his thrusts. I came again, the world spinning away from me, and Hayden followed behind, whispering words I couldn’t decipher.
He untwined our fingers and pushed up, the cool air against my damp skin a shock after the heat and weight of his body. Hands on my hips, he eased out with a low hiss, as if the sensation was unpleasant. The resulting emptiness settled in my chest, causing a frightening ache to swell. Sex with Hayden was always intense, but this was new. As primal and seductive as he could be, he always retained some element of control. Tonight he had struggled and failed. I’d never seen him so undone. And I’d never felt as connected to him as I did now. Even though it made me vulnerable, I wanted more of it.
I tested out my forearms, pushing up on them unsteadily.
“Ah, shit.” His fingers drifted along the side of my neck to my shoulder. “I was way too rough, wasn’t I?”
He hadn’t been. He’d been primal. I’d never felt needed so acutely. Connor had been a passive lover, nothing like Hayden. But beyond the physical possession, the emotional impact Hayden had on me was overwhelming. Every time we were together like this, the undeniable draw intensified.
“Not too rough,” I reassured him, “but I feel like I’ve taken orgasm-induced muscle relaxants.”
Hayden wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me into an upright position. He looked relieved as he scooped me up and carried me to bed.
* * *
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Again.
“If you don’t answer that, I’m going to throw the phone out the window. It’s been going off for the past ten minutes. Who the hell needs to get a hold of you at seven in the morning on a fucking Saturday?” Hayden grumbled and buried his head under a pillow.
“Obviously whoever it is wasn’t having multiple orgasms until one in the morning,” I groused and reached for the offending device.
I managed to turn off the volume before Hayden snaked an arm around my waist and dragged me across the bed. The phone bounced off the mattress and clattered to the floor.
Hayden’s leg came over mine as he pulled me into him. His erection pressed against my hip. He put his head on my chest. His hair was sticking out all over the place, having dried funnily after our middle-of-the-night romp. I ran my fingers through it, trying to force it into submission, but it refused to comply. Every time he exhaled, he purposely blew across my nipple.
“I need a shower,” I said. My skin felt sticky from all the sweat. The sheets were just as bad.
“You smell perfectly good to me,” he said, nibbling on my shoulder. “You taste good, too.”
My phone vibrated on the floor, preventing my snappy retort.
“Seriously?” Hayden asked. “What is that? The tenth time this morning?”
I rolled to the edge of the bed and snatched my phone from the floor. “Hello?”
“So you’re not in an Ativan coma. That’s an improvement.”
My scalp prickled and goose bumps rose along my arms, spreading over my skin.
Hayden’s hand smoothed up my calf. “Tell whoever it is to fuck off. I’m in the middle of an experiment,” he said and bit my ankle.
“Is there someone with you?” Trey asked, suspicious.
I covered the receiver with one hand and jerked my leg out of Hayden’s grasp, shaking my head violently. He frowned.
“I need to take this,” I mouthed and turned away.
My knees trembled as I slipped off the bed and crossed the room, heading for the bathroom. I closed the door and sank to the floor.
“Answer me, Tenley. Whoever is with you sounds distinctly male.”
“The TV was on,” I lied. My hands were shaking, along with my voice.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t particularly care if you believe me or not.”
“Are you fucking someone?”
“Pardon me?”
“It’s a straightforward question. I don’t believe it requires repeating.”
“It also doesn’t require a response,” I bit back.
He laughed in that condescending way only he could. “I’ll take that as a no. Are you lonely out there, Tenley?”
“What do you want?” He couldn’t know about Hayden. My stomach turned at the thought. Trey was already hostile; he didn’t need any more ammunition.
“You’ve been avoiding my calls. I’ve left six messages, and all of them have gone unanswered. I expected that document signed and on my desk a month ago, and it’s still not here,” he said icily. “I’ve been more than patient. You’ve had plenty of time to review the paperwork with a lawyer out there.”
“I told you I’m not ready.”
“Frankly, Tenley, I don’t give a shit if you’re ready or not. It’s been ten months. If you hadn’t spent the first five after the accident drugged to the point of psychosis, maybe you’d be better prepared to handle this.”
“Well, I’m not prepared.” I marshaled all the false confidence I could. “I have no intention of signing over the house right now. When I’m ready, if I’m ready, I’ll let you know.”
“Not acceptable. I have no qualms about contesting Connor’s will. That property belongs to me, and you will sign those papers, even if it means I have to subpoena you to make it happen. We can go that route, but cases like these can drag out for months, sometimes years.” He sighed, like he was bored with the turn in the conversation. When he spoke again, his tone changed, soft and menacing. “I have my doubts about you handling the emotional strain of something like that. Imagine how detrimental it would be if you fell back into old habits? All that medication you were taking, you could hardly function.”
“I was in pain,” I whispered, submerged in the sudden rush of memories.
Trey had a way of twisting things around to make me out to be the villain. He had been the one to pick up the multitude of prescriptions for me. In the fog of physical and emotional agony it had seemed like he’d meant to help. But I’d learned long ago that Trey’s motives were always self-serving. By keeping me sedated, he’d been able to manipulate situations to his advantage and my disadvantage.
“How many times did I find you in my brother’s bedroom, crying so hard you couldn’t breathe? It became exceedingly tedious. Don’t make me call again—you won’t like what happens. Get your shit together and send me the paperwork.”
The line went dead.
I stared at the phone and tried to keep the panic from drowning me. I didn’t think Trey could take the house from me, but as a lawyer, he was good at finding loopholes, so I could never be sure whether his threats were empty or not. Every time I spoke to Trey I felt like I was back in Arden Hills, reliving the weeks and months of purgatory after the crash. I had been so alone, everything and everyone I cared about gone. Only Trey remained, a constant force of negative, destructive energy orbiting around me, pushing me further and further into a hole of anguish.
There had been no one to console me after the crash. Trey blamed me for their deaths just as I did, and for months I’d let the regret eat away at what little had been left of the person I’d been. If I hadn’t found the acceptance letters from Northwestern hidden in the trash, I would probably still have been there, or dead from an overdose.
I put my head in my hands, grief welling up, threatening to spill out and wash me away. I choked back a strangled sob, aware I wasn’t alone. Hayden was still here. Trey would never understand why I was with him. Hayden was the antithesis of Connor.
Under all the armor he wore, Hayden was in pieces like me. It made him safe. He understood what I’d been through. More than that, he could relate to me in ways Connor never could. I didn’t want to look too closely at the intensity of my feelings for Hayden; it incited more guilt. That I had already moved on seemed impossible . . . inexcusable. Disclosing Connor’s death to him wasn’t an option. Not now. It was too dangerous. I couldn’t lose Hayden; he had become integral to my survival.
“Tenley?” Hayden knocked on the bathroom door.
I swiped at the tears streaming down my face and took a deep breath. “Give me a minute,” I called out tremulously.
Pushing up off the floor, I crossed to the vanity and turned on the faucet to mask the squeak of the new medicine cabinet door.
The rows of bottles offered potential temporary respite. My hands quavered as I popped the cap off the anxiety meds and shook out a tiny green pill. I didn’t want to need it, but I would never make it through the rest of the morning without artificial serenity. The call from Trey had left me shaken. It felt like I was being torn apart, pulled back into the past as I struggled to stay in the present. The sweet-bitter taste of the pill under my tongue was almost a relief. In fifteen minutes I would be calmer. Everything would be easier to manage.
The doorknob turned just as I capped the bottle and returned it to its spot on the shelf. I jumped and shut the cabinet harder than intended, and the bottles rattled on the shelves. Hayden poked his head in, and his eyes swept over my body. I was still naked. Concern pulled the corner of his mouth down when he reached my blotchy, tear-streaked face.
“Kitten? Who was on the phone?” He took a cautious step toward me.
“It was my l-lawyer.” I stammered over the lie, unable to look at him.
“On a Saturday? This early? What happened?”
“There are some issues with the estate in Arden Hills.”
He cupped my face in his hands. His sympathy was more difficult to bear, considering the partial truths I fed him. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall, allowing him to sweep them away.
Hayden wore only a pair of black boxer briefs, the road map to his life laid out for me. Under the scenes etched into his skin and the sculpted, beautiful body was a man I hardly knew but couldn’t stand the thought of being without. I ran my hand along his forearm, my palm resting on the anatomical heart.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
I stepped into him.
Hayden enclosed me in his protective embrace. “I’m sorry I can’t make the hurt go away.”
“You do, every time you touch me.” I rested my cheek on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
I wondered how much longer I had before it all fell apart. I couldn’t hide the truth about Connor from him forever.
26
TENLEY
Over the next couple of weeks I avoided Trey’s continued attempts at contact. His messages sat unanswered in my voice mail. Between Trey’s unreasonable demands and worries over my last meeting with Professor Calder, I needed a distraction from the stress because revising my thesis only added to it. I persuaded Hayden to work on my tattoo. It had become a talisman of catharsis. He scheduled three mini-sessions to fix the spots where the ink hadn’t taken. He refused to work on me for more than an hour at a time. As long as we were making progress, I wouldn’t complain. The upside to the frequent sessions was the amount of time I spent in the shop. The easy banter between the four of them gave me insight into just how close they were. They loved and fought like siblings.
I even got to know Lisa better. She was warmth personified, and I gravitated to her. Apart from her visits to Serendipity, we hadn’t spent much time together, because I’d always been with Hayden. It was nice to have a reason to hang out with her that didn’t include clamps and needles.
Hayden was busy cleaning up his station after our third session when Lisa approached me, eager to show off her newest jewelry acquisitions. She pulled out a tray of curved barbells. They looked so harmless, sitting against the black velvet backdrop. Lisa was highlighting the benefits of a hood piercing. My reluctance had more to do with healing time than pain. From the research I’d done, there would be no sex for two weeks. Hayden would implode. We’d barely been able to handle five days; fourteen would be insanity, but the positives might outweigh the cost.
Lisa was in the middle of explaining the difference between a vertical and horizontal hood piercing when I noticed a flash of red on her left ring finger.
“Is that new?”
She held it out to me. A single ruby sat cushioned amid a circle of tiny diamonds set in a platinum band. It was stunning.
“Jamie proposed last night.” Her smile was radiant.
“Oh, my God. Congratulations! That’s great news!”
A riot of conflicting emotions hit me as I hugged her. Connor had been over-the-top romantic with his proposal. It had been a complete surprise, particularly since it came on the heels of a two-month break. After weeks of limited communication, he showed up at my undergraduate commencement and took me away for a weekend in Minneapolis, intent on fixing things between us. We’d had a private dinner in an upscale restaurant on a rooftop patio. He’d asked to me marry him over dessert, while the sun had sunk below the horizon. I’d been months away from turning twenty, having fast-tracked through my undergraduate degree. I’d been naïve, blinded by the romance and the allure of a safe and comfortable future.
When Lisa released me I felt disembodied. I welcomed the numbness. Happy though I was for her, the news resurrected pieces of my past I didn’t have the energy to deal with.
My mouth was full of cotton, my brain just as fuzzy as she told the story, her excitement uncontained. Her unbridled joy was exactly how a person should feel after a proposal.
“We’re having a party this weekend to celebrate. I know it’s short notice, but I’ve already talked to Cassie. She’s going to close Serendipity early so she and Nate can come, at least for a little while.” Lisa’s exhilaration was infectious as she chattered away. “You don’t work tomorrow, do you? I’m taking the evening off to shop. I thought maybe you’d want to come?”
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been shopping with a girlfriend. My friends and I used to go to the city regularly for weekend expeditions. I wanted to replace the memories with new ones that didn’t hurt so much.
“I’d love that. And I could make cupcakes for the party,” I offered.
Hayden’s arm came around my waist, surprising me. “What’s this about cupcakes?”
“For the party this weekend.” Lisa flashed her ring in explanation.
“Right. Good plan. You’ll make extra?” Hayden burrowed his nose into my hair and whispered, “Maybe I can come over and help with the icing.”
* * *
Hayden didn’t get the opportunity to help me, because Lisa and I spent the next two days planning her party. He was miffed by my lack of availability, but in the wake of Lisa’s announcement, I welcomed the space. Almost. The nightmares returned without him, and his absence in my bed made me anxious. It reaffirmed how much I’d come to depend on him.
Sarah wasn’t working, so I invited her to join us with the party planning. She and Lisa hit it off right away.
The three of us congregated in the kitchen, the counter overflowing with baking supplies and cooling cupcakes. Sarah measured icing sugar and dumped it into the mixer. It puffed up in a sugary cloud and she shrieked, batting it away.
“It’s sugar, not poisonous gas,” I said sardonically.
“I don’t understand why the two of you like baking,” she grumbled as Lisa hip-checked her out of the way and took over.
“Why don’t you pour some wine?” Lisa suggested.
“Excellent plan. I’ll take care of drinks, and then I can be the delegator or something. I’m good at that,” she said with a cheeky grin.
“How’s your stalker situation as of late?” I asked.
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me started. He has to be the most persistent man I’ve ever met.”
“What’s this about?” Lisa asked.
“Oh, just this guy Chris who’s been at my work a lot lately. He won’t take a hint.”
“What she’s not telling you is that Chris happens to be covered in tattoos,” I prompted.
Lisa’s eyes went wide. “Not our Chris?”
“The one and only.” I grinned.
“Oh my God!” Lisa gave Sarah a speculative look. “Well, it all finally makes sense.”
Sarah’s hands went to her hips. “Does someone want to fill me in here? What exactly does ‘our Chris’ mean?”
Interesting. She sounded jealous. Maybe his persistence was paying off. “I meant to tell you a while ago, but it slipped my mind. Chris and Hayden work together at Inked Armor.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh! You didn’t know?” Lisa asked. “This just keeps getting better and better!”
“How did it slip your mind? It didn’t strike you as vital information to pass on?” Sarah looked flustered. She rushed across the room and peered out the window at the backlit sign across the street. “He works right across from where I live? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me until now!”
“I’ve been preoccupied.” The morning I put things together, I’d been overwhelmed by more stressful revelations. Since then, Chris hadn’t come up in conversation, and I hadn’t thought to unveil that little tidbit.
“Right, of course.” She sashayed back to the counter and grabbed her wine, downing half the glass in one gulp. “Wait. So this party he invited me to—” She rooted around in her purse and pulled out the postcard-sized invitation. “This is for you? He invited me to an engagement party? What the hell?”
“You have to come. Please?” Lisa begged. “Chris will totally expect you to blow him off. I would pay to see his face when you show up. He’ll cream his pants.”
Sarah crinkled her nose. “Ew. I hope not. That wouldn’t say much about his stamina.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Chris’s stamina,” Lisa said dryly.
“How do you know?” Sarah asked.
“Word of mouth.”
“The rumors must be true then.” Sarah looked upset by the possibility.
The oven timer went off, so I checked on the cupcakes.
“So, where is it you work?” Lisa asked.
“The Dollhouse.”
There was a beat of heavy silence as I took the tray out of the oven.
“I worked there before it changed hands,” Lisa said. “From what I hear, it’s still a pretty loosely run establishment, and management isn’t any better now than it was then.”
“You used to bartend at the same nightclub Sarah works at?”
Sarah cough-choked on her wine. “The Dollhouse isn’t—”
“That was part of my job detail, but it was a long time ago.” Lisa switched off the mixer and turned to me. “Let’s check out your closet and plan your outfit for tomorrow.”
* * *
Lisa picked me up early Saturday afternoon. Together we loaded six dozen cupcakes into the trunk of her car. Before we headed to her place, I stopped at Inked Armor to let Hayden know he should meet me there. He hadn’t slept at my place since Wednesday. He was in a foul mood.
“I’m staying over tonight,” he said testily.
I was looking forward to a peaceful sleep. I stretched up on my tiptoes and kissed his chin. “That sounds good. I’ll see you in a few hours?”
“You’re really excited about this shit, aren’t you?”
“I guess. It’s nice to have girlfriends, to be involved in something normal.”
He leaned down and kissed me. “I love that Lisa fits into your idea of normal.”
“Everything is relative, isn’t it?”
Lisa poked her head in the door. “Hands off, Hayden, she’s mine today.”
“She’s been yours for the past two days. I want her back.”
“You can have her tonight. I’m double-parked, so we have to go.”
Lisa hauled me out of the shop before I could steal another kiss. Hayden watched me through the window as I got into her car and we pulled away.
Lisa’s house was magnificent. It was clear both she and Jamie were artists in the strictest sense of the word. Her 1950s-era décor blew me away. Everything appeared to be original and in pristine condition.
It was very different from my own jumble of mismatched furniture. It dawned on me that Hayden only ever came to my place, which I guess made sense because of TK. She was still just a tiny thing; as silly as it might be, I didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone overnight. He always stocked my fridge with various snacks and drinks, but the only personal item he left behind was a toothbrush and body wash so he didn’t end up smelling “girly” after a shower. I wondered what his place would look like. I imagined it would have a distinct absence of clutter; stark, neat, organized. It stung that in all the time we spent together, he never invited me to stay over. Not once.
Lisa and I spent the rest of the afternoon decorating her house and preparing appetizers. She knew how to throw a party. At six o’clock we went up to her bedroom and changed. The theme reflected her love for all things ’50s, and she poured me into a red-and-white dress with a flouncy skirt and a narrow bodice. The back came down low, showing off the outline of my tattoo. Lisa pulled my hair into a high ponytail, and the effect was complete.
We were in the kitchen, testing Lisa’s spiked punch, when Jamie came home. She swatted him away from the food and sent him straight upstairs to get ready. When he came back down twenty minutes later he was wearing black pants, a matching vest, a white dress shirt, and a bowler hat. The vest he’d worn before, without a shirt under it. Leave it to Lisa to make a costume party out of her engagement celebration.
Chris showed up shortly after, decked out in a suit. When he saw me, he gave a long, low whistle. “Hayden’s going to flip his shit.”
“In a good way or a bad way?” I asked.
“That depends on who hits on you tonight.”
“Will he be here soon?”
“He’ll be a while yet. He ended up with a last-minute newbie.”
Cassie and Nate stopped by for a drink. There was talk about Thanksgiving dinner preparations. I’d tried not to think about the upcoming holiday. It was too close to the anniversary of the crash for comfort. Both Cassie and Lisa informed me I was to come for dinner, enlisting me to make cupcakes. Apparently it was quite the event, followed by Black Friday shopping.
Just after nine, the tone of the party changed. The house began to fill with Inked Armor clientele and acquaintances of Lisa’s and Jamie’s. I felt inadequate among the inked and the pierced, like an imposter surrounded by those who had embraced the lifestyle to an extent that I hadn’t. Hayden was such an extremist that it made me curious about the kind of women he’d been with prior to me. I didn’t have to wonder for long, though.
A tall blonde with death trap shoes came into the kitchen and shrieked when she saw Lisa. They hugged, obviously old friends. The blonde didn’t even acknowledge my existence as she looked around the adjoining rooms. “I don’t see Hayden. Is he busy already?”
“He’s not here yet,” Lisa replied, shooting me a quick glance.
“Well, when he gets here, tell him I’m looking forward to catching up.” She winked at Lisa and sauntered off.
“Who was that?” I asked, watching her long legs disappear around the corner.
“Just a friend.” Lisa poured more wine into my glass. “Hayden should be here soon.”
Several more women asked after him. While some of them wore designs that were clearly his, not all of them seemed to be clients. I shouldn’t have been surprised. He was gorgeous and talented and recalcitrant, a heady combination of masculine energy. They all preened as they surveyed the room and wore the same look of disappointment when Lisa informed them he had not yet arrived.
When he did, he was a sight to behold. Dressed in black pants and a white button-down, he obviously decided he’d tried hard enough. His sleeves were rolled up to his forearms. The top two buttons of his shirt were open, revealing a white undershirt. His hair was out of control, as if he’d been in too much of a rush to bother with it. He didn’t look happy as he scanned the room, his frown deepening as he took in the crowd until he saw me standing alone in the kitchen. His eyes burned with a predatory gleam as he took a step toward me.
And then some she-banshee threw herself at him.
