Текст книги "Inked Armour"

Автор книги: Helena Hunting

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

“You look so”—she cocked her head to the side—“normal.”

“Is that bad?”

“Not at all. I like you dressed up. It’s sexy.” Her fingers skimmed the rings in my bottom lip and trailed down my throat, tracing the perimeter of the collar. “I know what’s under there. I know what you’re hiding, when other people don’t.” She stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of my mouth.

I totally understood. I loved that Tenley had my art on her back and it wasn’t on display for just anyone. It would rarely be seen in all of its intricate glory, and most of the time, only the top of the wings would show even in a strapless dress. Tenley’s delicate, little nose ring was the only visible sign of her inner self, but I knew better. And I liked that.

I turned my head and deepened the kiss. My hands went to her waist, and I barely resisted the urge to go lower and squeeze her ass. Now wasn’t a good time to start in on that kind of thing; her emotions were already so high. I reluctantly backed off.

“I want to give you a present before we go,” I said as a distraction, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear.

That got a real smile out of her. “I have one I want to give you now, too.”

I followed her out to the living room. TK was rolling on the floor, batting around her catnip mouse. More gifts for her were coming tomorrow, such as the cupcake kitty bed. Tenley couldn’t get over how cute it was, or that I’d bought the damn thing. There had been a lot of laughter over that.

Some of the presents were packed in a tote box to take to Cassie’s, but quite a few were still under the tree. I dug around in the back, where I’d hidden the gift bag. Tenley dragged a large box out from under the tree and sat on the couch, propping the box against the coffee table.

“You go first.” I handed her the bag with the white, springy ribbon.

Her eyes widened. “This is from Tiffany’s.”

I wasn’t surprised she knew where the bag was from just by looking at it. It seemed to be a girl thing. Tenley reached inside and withdrew the small blue box. Removing the lid, she took out the black box inside. She looked at me, then opened it, inhaling with a soft gasp. “Oh, Hayden.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, unable to read her reaction.

“This is really”—she hesitated—“extravagant.”

“Isn’t that what the holidays are supposed to be about? It reminded me of you, so I wanted you to have it.”

The tears she’d been holding back since she woke up this morning slipped free, which wasn’t quite the reaction I’d been going for.

“If you don’t like it, I can take it back and get you something else.”

“No, no. It’s beautiful. Too much, but beautiful.”

“You’re sure you like it?”

“Absolutely.” She swiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “I love it,” she whispered.

With gentle fingers, she lifted the chain and cradled the tiny cupcake in her palm.

“Can I put it on for you?” I took the chain from her and unclasped it. Tenley lifted her hair and I carefully fastened it around her neck. Then I pressed a kiss against her nape.

Paired with the pale pink dress and her long, dark hair, the tiny cupcake looked perfect. I adjusted it, mostly to feel the warmth of her skin. I just wanted to be close to her.

“I don’t deserve this.” She touched the charm and looked up at me through wet lashes. Grabbing hold of my tie, she tugged me forward, kissing me with lips that quivered. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered, hating how pained she sounded. Wishing I could make it better, knowing I couldn’t. Today was going to hurt for both of us.

18
TENLEY

I wanted so badly to let Hayden know how much I loved the necklace. Though Connor had given me plenty of jewelry, none of it reflected me as much as the charm hanging around my neck did. Which was exactly why I was falling apart.

The absence of my family made the holiday celebrations overwhelming. Add to that the ever-heightening awareness of my feelings for Hayden, and I was a ticking time bomb. The anxiety made it hard to think, so I just climbed into his lap and fused my mouth to his.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he ignored it, but when mine went off a few seconds later, he sighed and pulled away. “That’ll be Lisa calling to see if we’ve left yet.”

“What happens if I don’t answer it?”

“She’ll call until you do.”

He was right. My phone stopped ringing and Hayden’s started up again. He moved me over to the cushion beside his and dug around in his pocket.

“We’re leaving in five minutes,” he said by way of greeting.

I couldn’t hear Lisa’s response, but Hayden’s frown told me some admonishing might have been going on. I checked the time. We were supposed to be at Cassie’s already. Hayden was rarely late for anything; I’d been the one to procrastinate.

We had fallen into old habits over the past few days, isolating ourselves, blowing off offers to get together for drinks in lieu of spending time alone. Mostly in his bed. Not sleeping. The physical connection helped keep me out of my head.

“We’ll get there when we get there,” Hayden said a little more forcefully. “Yeah. . . . No. . . . Fine. I won’t forget the salad. . . . No, it’s not from a bag. I’m offended. See you in a bit.” He hung up the phone with an irritated sigh.

“We should probably get going, huh?” I felt bad that people were waiting on us.

“Cassie doesn’t serve dinner until five. We have plenty of time. Lisa just wants us to get there so she can start on the cocktails.”

“And she can’t do that until we arrive?”

“She can. She’s just being a pain in the ass.” He lifted the box propped against the coffee table into his lap. “I’m opening this before we go.”

Hayden was careful as he slid his finger under the taped edge. He managed to remove it without tearing the paper. I fidgeted impatiently as he lifted the lid from the box and removed the foam padding that buffered the edges. Then he turned over the canvas print.

“Holy mother of fuck.”

His eyes moved over the black-and-white image that started at my neck and ended at my hip. The body was angled slightly so the swell of my breast was visible, but the focus was my unfinished tattoo. Lisa would do another shoot in full color when it was completed.

“This is you.”

“Do you like it?” I asked, worried about his dark expression.

“I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t want you to get upset with me.” When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “Who took this?”

“Lisa took all of them.”

“Them?”

“There are three.”

“Are you naked in all of them?”

“In two, yes.”

He wet his bottom lip. “When do I get to see the rest?”

“You get one at Cassie’s, and one tomorrow morning. The one at Cassie’s is the least revealing.”

“Will I want to gouge out someone’s eyes if they see it?”

“No.”

“Maybe we should leave it here. Just in case,” Hayden suggested.

“It’s sensual, not pornographic. Like the ones in your bedroom.”

He pried his eyes away from the image. “Hm. It looks like those will have to come down, won’t they?”

“Looks like.” I dropped my head, hiding my smile of triumph.

It was almost three in the afternoon by the time we arrived at Cassie’s. I was jittery, despite taking meds before we left. Hayden suggested I bring extra, just in case.

The meds made me loopy, and I’d been quiet on the trip to Cassie and Nate’s, fiddling constantly with the charm around my neck. Hayden pulled into the driveway, parking beside Lisa’s Beetle. I took a deep breath as I unlatched my seat belt.

Before I could reach for the door handle Hayden put his hand on my arm. “If it gets to be too much, say the word and we can go home.”

“I’m not going to take you away from your family on the holidays, Hayden. I’ll be fine.”

“They’re your family, too.” When I shook my head, he said, “Maybe not in the usual sense, but all of them understand this is hard on you. No one expects you to power through, okay?”

I nodded, unable to speak through the sudden flood of emotion. They were like a family. Lisa and Chris and Jamie were just as much a part of Cassie’s life as Hayden was. They were like surrogate adult children to her.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said, leaning across the console to kiss him.

“You don’t have to. You have me and I’m not going anywhere.”

He spoke with such conviction, as if any other option weren’t possible. Truly, there was no other way to get through this, not for me. That I had walked away from him in the first place to sort through a past full of ghosts seemed untenable now. Rogue tears leaked out and I brushed them away, but more followed.

“I’m so sorry I left you.”

“What?” Hayden asked, confused.

“I shouldn’t have gone back to Arden Hills without explaining. I shouldn’t have done that to you, and I’m so, so sorry. I wanted to stay here. I wanted to be with you but I didn’t think I could, and I wish it had been different.” I could feel my hysteria rising.

“Hey.” Hayden held my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him. “Calm down, kitten. It’s all right. Everything is okay now. You’re back with me where you belong, and that’s all that matters.” His thumbs swept away the tears beneath my eyes. “We’ll get through this together. You and me. Just remember, you’ve survived worse things than this. Whatever’s going on in your head right now, you’ve made it through worse.”

“Sometimes I feel guilty for having you,” I whispered.

“I get that. And I wish I could make that feeling go away for you. You know your family wouldn’t want you to be alone, right? They’d want you to have people in your life to love you and take care of you. I don’t know that they would have chosen me to be that person, but I want to be if you’ll let me.”

I would never understand why I had to lose so much to find him. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t met you.”

“Well, you’ll never have to know.”

He kissed me, his lips soft and lingering. In that moment I knew there was never going to be another person like him in my life. No one who would make me feel the way he did.

Hayden pulled away and looked at me with determined intent. “I want to tell you something important.”

In my peripheral vision, the front door swung open. I tried to ignore it, but Chris’s loud voice boomed out across the driveway, his crass comment barely muffled by the rumble of the engine.

Hayden sighed. “Ruin my fucking moment, why don’t you.”

“If you close your eyes, you can pretend he’s not there.”

“I can hear him though, so it’s pointless.”

“I thought you had something important to tell me.”

“It can wait until later. We should go in.” He planted a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and turned off the car.

My stomach knotted as we approached the entourage waiting for us at the door. Cassie pushed her way to the front, her arm came around my shoulder, and she ushered me into the foyer. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Me, too.”

There was a burst of chatter as Hayden helped me out of my coat, then he went back to the car to retrieve the presents and the food. The foyer was a large, open space with hardwood floors and modern décor. In front of me a staircase led to the second floor, and to the right was a living room with a wood-burning fireplace.

The air of excitement overwhelmed me, and I excused myself to the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the tap, rooting around in my bag for my bottle of meds. I rolled it between my palms, reluctant to take more, even though the artificial calm would help.

I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. Eventually the rapid beat of my heart slowed. Although that anxiety attack had been thwarted, I didn’t want to risk being unprepared for another. I shook a couple of pills out of the bottle and stuffed them in the hidden pocket in my dress, in case I couldn’t get to my purse later.

Hayden was waiting in the hall when I came out, his arms crossed over his chest. He pushed away from the wall and ran his hands down my bare arms. I didn’t want him to know how much I was already struggling. He’d internalize it as a failure on his part, as unreasonable as that might be.

“Everything all right?” he asked, his hands sifting through my hair, fanning it out over my shoulders.

“I just needed a minute to collect myself.”

He put a finger under my chin and tilted my head up to kiss me tenderly. “I could show you around the house before they bombard you again, if you’d like.”

“That would be good.”

He took my hand and led me away from the laughter filtering down the hall. Nate’s office had a therapist’s vibe. A massive cherry desk was at the back of the room, and the shelves against the wall matched. In the middle of the room were two comfy-looking chairs with footstools set on a lush carpet. Each chair had a side table with a coaster perched on it.

“Does Nate work from home?”

“Occasionally. His patients come through that side entrance.” Hayden pointed across the room to a door nestled between two bookshelves. “He does some work for the hospital’s inpatient unit, too. He’s got some big title.”

“He’s a busy man.”

“Yeah. He’s a lot like my dad in that respect.” A hint of disapproval was in Hayden’s tone. “Nate’s a bit of a workaholic. It’s why Cassie opened up Serendipity. She wanted something meaningful to do with her time.”

I’d wondered about that. Cassie drove a Mercedes and was always impeccably dressed. She almost looked out of place in Serendipity, like polished silver among tarnished brass.

“She doesn’t have to work?”

Hayden shook his head. “Nope. Nate’s got more than enough assets and equity. It probably costs them money to run that store, but she loves it and that’s all Nate cares about. Cassie hates being idle as much as I do. If she had to sit around this house all day, she’d go nuts.”

“How old is she?”

“Midthirties. There was a big age gap between her and my mom, like fifteen years. They were tight, though. Cassie was always around when I was a kid. It was almost like having an older sister, but she didn’t annoy me, which I thought was cool back then. She even lived with us for a bit before my teens.”

“She did?” Hayden’s life hadn’t been much different from mine. He’d had loving parents, a solid family, although from the sound of it, Hayden’s father hadn’t been around much.

“Yeah, I was like her shadow. I think it’s part of the reason she took me in when my parents died. She wanted to return the favor or whatever.” He tugged on my hand. “Come on, let me show you the rest of the house.”

I didn’t press for more information, aware he was sharing these pieces of himself to distract me. We stopped in several more rooms on the main floor. The equipment in the home gym looked as if it was frequently used, and the game room was complete with a pool table and a dartboard.

We took a set of stairs at the back of the house to the second floor. The five bedrooms were decorated in various modern themes. One was being refurbished. Drop cloths covered the furniture and cans of paint were stacked in the center of the room.

“This was my room.” Hayden opened the door closest to the stairs. “It’s been redecorated, though.”

I went in, taking in the elegant lines of the space. The cream and black and raspberry color scheme was a fusion of masculine and feminine energies.

“Cassie painted it dark blue for me. It was a waste, though, since I didn’t stay very long.”

“How long were you here?” I asked, running my hand over the raspberry comforter, gorgeous against the black bed frame. Though the room looked different, I imagined the memories would still be difficult. The love and care from Cassie and Nate would have been overshadowed by the trauma he’d been through.

“Only a couple of months. I was too self-destructive. Nate had this savior-complex thing going on. He wanted me to talk to someone. I refused. Cassie didn’t think he should push it right away, and I was a hard kid to handle. I would have fucked up their marriage if I’d stayed.”

“Why do you say that?”

Hayden shrugged. “Cassie and Nate hadn’t been married long when my parents died. It shook her up, and I was just too much to deal with. I didn’t follow rules. I snuck out at night all the time; came home all fucked up on drugs because I couldn’t cope. Cassie didn’t know what to do with me; she was just as lost as I was. I could see the strain I was putting on them. I’d seen what the crap I pulled did to my parents. I figured it would be better for everyone if I lost my shit without Cassie watching it happen.”

“That’s pretty selfless, for someone so young and in such a bad place.”

He shook his head. “I left because dealing was too hard.”

“We can agree to disagree, then. You were just a boy.”

It was at the core of his makeup to save people from pain, even if it meant distancing himself from them. So it made sense that he’d want to be with me, because as close as we’d become, walls were still between us. Thinner than before, but still there.

He said, “I used to wonder what my life would’ve been like if my parents weren’t dead, how it would’ve been different. But I don’t do that as much anymore.”

“What changed?”

“I met you. I figured all the shit had to be for a reason, right? If I hadn’t gone through it, I’d never get where you’re coming from, and this thing we have.” He traced the line of my jaw with a fingertip. “It wouldn’t be the same.”

Hayden was right. Without our pasts, our connection might have been very different.

19
TENLEY

Everyone was in the kitchen when we came back downstairs. A glass of wine was put in my hand. Hayden grabbed a beer and Nate tossed an apron at him. Hayden grumbled as he pulled it over his head.

“That’s what you get for being late, bro,” Chris said, running his hand over the front of his apron, which showcased the ripped abs of a tattooed male body.

Nate’s was a tuxedo print, Jamie’s a cowboy. Hayden wasn’t so lucky; his had pink and white flowers with ruffles around the edges. I giggled as he fumbled with the strings. He was too broad to be able to tie a bow.

He grabbed a whisk and pointed it at me. “What are you laughing at? I can totally pull off this look.”

I raised my hands. “I’m not arguing with you. I think you look pretty.”

He smacked his palm with the whisk. “Don’t think for a second I’ll forget you said that.”

I played with the chain around my neck and grinned. If the rest of the day could be like this, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

Holiday dinners at Cassie’s weren’t like they’d been in Arden Hills. My home experience was of women rushing around the kitchen while the men sat and drank. At Connor’s, someone was hired to cook while the family congregated in the formal sitting room to sip expensive wine and liquor.

Here, the men took over the kitchen. Well, most of them. According to Sarah, Chris couldn’t even manage a Kraft dinner without making it inedible. He was allowed to mash the potatoes, but Hayden hovered and gave directions on how much of what went into the bowl.

I was fascinated by how natural the domestic routine seemed to be for Hayden. He’d been on his own for the past seven years and wasn’t a huge fan of takeout, so he’d learned to cook. Aside from his fixation with cupcakes and his love of beer and scotch, he had healthy eating habits. Sometimes it made him a buzz kill when we went grocery shopping.

Sarah let out a low whistle, bringing my attention back to the conversation. She motioned to my chest. “Is that new?”

I looked down at the charm I was playing with. “It’s an early present from Hayden.”

Ever since I’d put it on, I couldn’t stop touching it. It was like a talisman, the only thing beside Hayden that kept me grounded enough to get through the day.

“Wow! Nice job, Hayden,” Sarah said.

Chris punched Hayden in the shoulder. “I guess we know why you two were late. Someone was looking to get laid.”

“Ow!” Hayden punched him back. “That wasn’t my motive at all.”

“You two, hands to yourself. We’re not having an MMA match in the kitchen this year.” Nate pointed the handle of his bread knife at Hayden and Chris.

“MMA match?” I asked.

“Last year Chris and Hayden got into the sauce a little too early. There was an issue with the potatoes. The cleanup was a bitch,” Jamie supplied.

“Particularly since those two were so messed up, they had their heads in the toilet before dinner was even served.” Lisa shot an irritated glare at them.

“That was the worst hangover I ever had.” Chris went back to pulverizing potatoes.

“You let them get away with that?” I asked Cassie.

“I wasn’t involved. Lisa and I were on an emergency run to get fresh cranberries. Chris brought canned ones and Hayden refused to serve them.” Cassie smiled at Hayden.

“Who the hell eats canned cranberry sauce?” he asked, as if it were unheard of.

I raised my hand. “I like canned cranberry sauce.”

“You would, Miss Let’s Eat Popcorn and Reese’s Pieces for Dinner,” he shot back.

“Don’t knock it. The Reese’s Pieces are awesome when they’re all melty.”

“It’s true,” Sarah said. “It really is good.”

Hayden rolled his eyes and went back to stirring the cranberry sauce. Which he’d made from scratch.

“So what happened when you got back?” Sarah asked.

“Hayden and Chris were engaged in a wrestling match on the floor,” Cassie replied.

“And Nate and Jamie were busy placing bets on who was going to win,” Lisa said with a laugh.

“I stood to make good money if Hayden won, considering he was the underdog,” Jamie said.

“Hardly,” Hayden scoffed. “Chris was way more hammered than I was.”

“Yeah, but you’re all lanky and shit, you Gumby-looking mother-fucker. I’m the one with the brawn,” Chris goaded, flexing his thick biceps.

“Should I be worried?” I asked Cassie, who was watching them with an amused smile.

“No. This is pretty normal,” she said.

“Fuck that Gumby shit.” Hayden tossed his wooden spoon on the counter and went chest to chest with Chris. “You’re a freak of nature. You were probably the size of a fucking toddler when you were born.”

They looked frighteningly dangerous as they glared at each other, chins raised in defiance. Jamie gave a bark of laughter.

Chris fought back a grin and Hayden poked him in the chest. “I am not lanky. Right, kitten?”

“Of course not.” All those hard-cut muscles? “I think you have the perfect body.” It came out almost breathless.

Hayden smirked and leaned across the counter to plant a kiss on my lips. “It goes both ways, beautiful.” Even in the ridiculous apron, he swaggered back to his post at the stove.

Everyone stared at Hayden with expressions that verged on disbelief; I got the distinct impression none of them had ever seen him like this before.

Cassie put an arm around my shoulder. “We’re all very glad you’re here, Tenley.”

“So am I.” I leaned into her embrace. “I’m very fortunate to have found him.”

“As is he,” she said.

While the men prepared dinner, Cassie, Lisa, Sarah, and I sat around the kitchen island and chatted. I tried my best to stay in the moment. The banter between the boys kept us entertained, and the constant flow of wine helped, too. Lisa topped up my glass so frequently, it was impossible to keep track of how much I consumed.

When dinner was ready, we transferred the food into serving bowls and carried them to the dining room. Hayden sat to my right, with his arm around the back of my chair throughout dinner. Every so often he leaned in to kiss my temple or play with a lock of my hair and tell me how glad he was that I was with him.

After the main course, the plates were cleared. New dishes were brought out in preparation for dessert. Since no one was ready for it yet, we relaxed in our chairs, blissed out in a turkey coma. Everyone was sipping drinks except for Hayden, who had switched to soda water. Conversation was easy, and while I was quiet, it wasn’t because I was stuck in the past. I loved listening to this new family I’d become part of.

After a while Hayden and Jamie started asking about dessert, so I brought it out while Cassie poured coffees.

“What’s going on? I thought you brought cupcakes,” Hayden said as I set the dessert platter on the table.

“They are cupcakes.”

“Really? All incognito, huh?” He inspected the wreath. White-chocolate leaves covered the layer of fluffy buttercream icing, and fresh-cut strawberries adorned the top for a splash of color.

“It’s almost too pretty to eat,” Cassie said.

“Almost,” Hayden agreed, and took the first one. “But not quite.”

He didn’t bother to wait for everyone else before he peeled away the wrapper and shoved half of it in his mouth. Only when he was eating cupcakes did his table manners disappear. “Is this angel food cake?” he asked between bites.

“I thought it would be lighter. Did they turn out okay?”

He groaned an affirmative and helped himself to seconds. I peeled the wrapper from my own and began slowly disassembling the cake: eating the berries first, followed by the white-chocolate leaves, then finally the icing-covered cake. Hayden pulled me closer, until I was almost in his lap. He reached over and helped himself to a third.

“You don’t have to make yourself sick. There are extras at my apartment.”

“Good to know.” He tucked my hair behind my ear and leaned in to whisper, “Watching you eat cupcakes is better than porn.”

“You think so?” I batted my eyelashes at him, then sucked icing off my finger.

His hand disappeared below the tablecloth and he shifted in his chair. His nose brushed my cheek. “Much better. Infinitely better.”

“It’s a dinner table, not a bedroom. Put your hands where I can see them, Stryker,” Jamie said.

At the round of snickering, my cheeks warmed. Hayden’s hand reappeared, his middle finger directed at Jamie, but his hand stayed above the table after that.

Lisa asked, “Anyone have any ideas for New Year’s? We need a plan.”

Hayden had mentioned New Year’s once in passing, but hadn’t brought it up again. For me, it was yet another holiday I would be celebrating without my family.

“I thought we were going to chill this year.” He stroked his thumb along my bare shoulder.

“That’s one option,” Lisa said. “Are you offering to host?”

Hayden snorted. “I only have one spare bedroom.”

“That’s all you need. Chris and Sarah can stumble across the street,” Jamie pointed out.

“Forget Hayden’s. I say we hop a plane to Vegas for the weekend,” Chris cut in.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Only you would suggest something like that.”

“He’s had worse ideas,” Lisa said. “Maybe Jamie and I could get hitched while we’re at it! It would save me from this business of planning a wedding.”

Good-natured laughter followed.

I felt Hayden’s arm tighten around my shoulder. His lips moved against my temple, but whatever the words were, I didn’t hear them. My mind was stuck, skipping like a record. The static in my head became a screaming siren, drowning out everything else.

I couldn’t feel my body as I lifted my wineglass to my lips. I tipped it back; the cool liquid tasted like vinegar as I drained the glass. The world went out of focus as panic took over. I knew it wasn’t rational. People got on planes every day and made it to their destinations without so much as a blip of turbulence.

“Tenley?” Hayden’s hand was on the back of my neck, fingers kneading gently. “Are you okay?” He sounded so far away, as if he were talking to me from underwater.

“Excuse me for a moment,” I said, finding it hard to breathe. I pushed my chair back. “I just need to use the bathroom.” I prayed he’d let me go before I cracked and wrecked the evening.

I placed my napkin on the table and headed for the closest powder room, then locked myself in before my legs gave out.

I sank to the floor, working to push through the panic. I wanted to turn back time. To have a normal reaction to an impromptu trip to Vegas. To be excited. But I couldn’t be. Blinding panic radiated through me, seizing my chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clutched the cupcake charm, wishing it had the power to prevent me from breaking down. The memories came anyway—vivid and violent. They began and ended with Connor’s shattered face and broken body. Always. Here I was, on Christmas Eve, barely a year after the crash, celebrating the holiday with someone else. Someone I loved infinitely more. I felt as if I were wronging Connor in some way.

I lurched forward, grasping the edge of the toilet as dinner reappeared. My eyes teared as I heaved again. When it was finally over, I braced myself on the edge of the vanity. I ran my hands under the cold water and pressed my palms against my neck. I needed to get it together. I didn’t want Hayden to see me falling apart like this.

With my stomach no longer revolting, I reached into the pocket in my dress. I debated whether I had the strength to make it through the rest of the evening without the pills. But I couldn’t risk another panic attack. The doorknob rattled, and I almost dropped them in the sink.

“Tenley? Can I come in?” Hayden asked from the other side, concerned.

“I need a second.” I popped the pills, then cupped my hand under the tap and washed down the chemical taste.

As soon as I unlocked the door, Hayden came in and closed it behind him. He pulled me into his arms. “I’m so sorry. Lisa wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s fine. I just needed a minute.” I sighed into his chest, letting the salve of his touch ease the ache.

“A minute?” He rubbed slow circles on my back, lulling me to semi-calm. “You’ve been in here for almost twenty. I knocked a couple of times but you didn’t answer, so I figured you needed space. Then I got worried.”

I thought I’d only been in the bathroom a short time. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect that. Just the idea of getting on a plane—”

“It’s okay. Don’t think about it. You’re all right.” His hands settled on my waist and he lifted me easily onto the vanity.

Once I was sitting, I realized how much I had been relying on him to keep me upright. I was still shaking. “I’ll never be able to fly again.”

“It’s only been a year. You can’t know that for sure.” His palms moved down my arms, and he clasped my hands in his.

“You don’t understand.” I shook my head, all the words stuck.

“Chris meant it as a joke, and Lisa doesn’t want to get married next week. And even if we did go to Vegas at some point, we could make a road trip out of it. Take as long as we want to get there.”