Текст книги "An Accidental Affair"

Автор книги: Heather Boyd

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

Merrick poured himself a drink to steady his conflicting emotions and drained it in one gulp. Although Arabella and his half brother had not realized he was there, he had lingered and heard their whole conversation. Despite the betrayal, he was concerned for Holland’s future and where he might end up. His older brother had been with him since he’d come of age. They were friends as well as family.

“There you are, Rothwell. I was just about to come searching for you,” Grayling grumbled and he drew close. “Rosemary would like to return home. The children are half asleep and wanting their beds.”

“I’m sorry. I had a few matters on my mind.”

“Well, I am not surprised.” Gray leaned against the sideboard. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He glanced toward the entrance hall where Lady Grayling, the children, and Aunt Pen and Arabella had gathered, saying their farewells. Gray’s carriage must have been called while his mind was elsewhere. The girls were leaning heavily against their stepmother and grumbling to her. Any moment there could be tears. He knew Grayling’s daughters well enough to know sleep was what they needed.

Aunt Pen appeared as she always did—aloof and unimpressed by the tired children’s interruptions. He would never be able to tell she’d ever been a mother and had harbored such a secret all these years. He could barely believe his aunt was Holland’s mother, or anyone’s, for that matter. It was unfathomable that his half brother would make up such an outlandish and potentially damaging story if it were not true. Holland worried just as much for the family’s reputation as he did—if not more at times.

Merrick couldn’t confide in Grayling about what troubled him. He would have to grow accustomed to the idea on his own. “I think not.”

Grayling slapped him on the shoulder. “Come see us tomorrow, or are you going back to London?”

Tomorrow he should return to London. Arabella would not marry him, and the longer he stayed, the more damage would be done to her reputation. Yet he couldn’t bear to leave. If Arabella went to London in Aunt Penelope’s company, he would have difficulty seeing her. His aunt was sure to get in the way even if he attempted a proper courtship. “I’ll remain with Arabella and follow her back to London when she goes.”

“Good man,” Grayling murmured. “What’s decided with her by the way? I know she told everyone the depth of your feelings when we were at the ruins, but what of hers? Have they changed in any way?”

“I don’t believe they have. She’s made it very plain that she doesn’t want to marry again.”

Merrick glanced past Grayling to where Arabella stood, speaking with Lady Grayling in hushed tones. The pair seemed firm friends and confidantes already, even if Parker had hinted that Lady Grayling had a scandalous past. Gray hadn’t offered up an explanation and there wasn’t time now. One day he would ask Arabella where exactly she had met Rosemary, but not today. He had enough surprises to grapple with already.

Grayling tapped his arm, drawing his attention. “You can barely take your eyes from her. I would not have thought a proper lady would suit you, but you seem enthralled. Are you going to let her get away so easily?”

“I want her to want to marry me, Gray. Whatever she decides is best is what I’ll have to accept. Wherever she goes, I will too, and we will see what develops.”

“And if nothing changes?”

Merrick pushed his glass away decisively. “I’d rather not think on that, but I suppose I’ll have little choice but to bury what I feel for her and attempt to start over.”

“That might not be as easy as you think.”

He stared at the beautiful woman who’d claimed him body and soul. She was unique and dear to him. She’d smoothly become a part of his life, and when they parted, he didn’t think he’d be whole. “Nothing in life is ever easy. I’d hoped finding a bride might have been somewhat simpler than this.”

“Then I’ll hope that Arabella sees sense soon.”

Merrick followed Grayling to the door, pausing at Arabella’s side to wave them off. When the carriage had drawn sufficiently far away, he ushered her inside and made sure the doors were securely locked. He met his aunt’s gaze several times, but in the end decided to hold his tongue and not say a word about recent revelations.

“Good night, ladies. I think I’ll turn in.”

Arabella’s face fell. “As you wish.”

He nodded. His aunt’s expression grew puzzled and he turned away. He did not want to argue with her tonight. He did not want to hear her side of the story or her denial. The only opinion he wanted to hear was from his brother.

He made his way upstairs and found where his half brother rested his head. A light shone beneath the door and when he drew closer, Holland’s baggage was the first thing he noticed. Already packed, standing beside the door in wait for the morning. Holland would be gone as soon as he could. Anxiety filled him and he pushed the door open slowly. The room was neat and orderly. It would be easy to believe the room hadn’t been in use except that Holland lay on top of the bed, dressed to leave, as if he couldn’t wait to get away. “I always wondered if you slept fully dressed.”

A brief smile flickered over Holland’s face and disappeared again just as quickly. He did not rise as he usually would, but then again, Merrick had dismissed him. He wasn’t a servant anymore.

“I cannot imagine why my habits are of any interest to you,” Holland said in a dull voice lacking any interest in what he was doing visiting him at that hour.

He turned his face away and winced suddenly. He didn’t complain. He expressed no outrage that he’d been injured. Merrick pulled a chair close to the bed and sat on it backward, folding his arms across the carved back.

He lowered his chin to his forearms and studied his brother, looking for signs of Aunt Penelope in his features. He noticed nothing different from what he’d always seen—a man of his father’s making. “How is your head feeling now? Any better?”

“Does it matter?” Holland sighed heavily. “I will be gone in the morning, never fear.”

Merrick chewed his bottom lip. A servant’s life was often a great deal harder than it would be for one employed in his household. At Holland’s age, without a reference to show another employer or connections he could admit to, he would have a difficult future ahead. “About that. I heard what you said to Arabella. Where are you going?”

Holland closed his eyes, his skin turning a distinct shade of red. “Away. It doesn’t matter,” he ground out. “I’ve never been wanted anywhere.”

When Holland put it like that, Merrick’s chest tightened painfully. Merrick would have drowned in his responsibilities long ago if not for Holland. Their half brothers, too, would have suffered and might never have come to his attention. Holland was the glue that bound their odd family together. “You were wanted, you are wanted, brother, but I could have done with the whole truth too.”

Holland opened his eyes and slowly turned his head to stare. “You would never have wanted me around if you knew who my mother was. Admit it, you despise her.”

He had and still did not want that woman involved in his life. Aunt Pen would meddle and pry and report his business to Rutherford. Who liked to be spied upon? He doubted she would change her habits for anyone. For years she’d ruled the family with the same opinions as her father. Family first—family meant legitimate Fords. She was not happy he chose to support so many of his father’s mistakes. “Despite that, you are my brother. I must know where you are.”

A strange smile flittered across Holland’s face. “That is what my mother said to me when I entered your service. She wanted to know where you were so she knew where I would be. Her spying on you is merely a ruse to cover her real motives. She cannot write to me, but I can write to her because anyone would think I’m helping her keep you out of trouble.”

Merrick gaped. It wasn’t him under the microscope, but Holland. Her son. If that were true, then he hadn’t one leg to stand on with his complaints. He sat back in the chair as he reconsidered his decision. The only thing he’d done by dismissing Holland in a fit of temper was upset them both.

Without Holland, he would have to advance another half brother to assist him. He didn’t want to think of the chaos that would accompany that situation. Holland worked without his supervision or instruction most days. Since Merrick had become the earl, he had never once countermanded one of Holland’s decisions when it came to the family and estate. He could easily have been the earl instead of Merrick.

Holland was sensible, thrifty, and fair. The Rothwell estates ran smoothly because Merrick had Holland at his side. He couldn’t afford to lose him over this, and more importantly, he didn’t need to.

He met Holland’s gaze decisively. “We’ll be in London for the rest of the season unless Arabella marries me, and then our plans may change to suit what she wants. Please ask your mother not to push the issue of marriage while Arabella is under her roof. I want her to change her own mind, not have it decided for her.”

His brother sat up, apparently too quickly because his hand rose to his head to hold it. “You’re taking me back?”

Merrick nodded. “If you want to stay, that is.” He stood and swung the chair back into place beside the wall, leaving the room neat, the way Holland liked it. When he glanced around, his brother had risen to his feet, his expression stunned. “Of course I want to stay.”

“The London town house is home, isn’t it? Where else should you be but there?” When Holland said nothing to that, Merrick decided he’d done the right thing. Home wouldn’t be the same without his family about him. His odd scrambled family of misfits that no one wanted. And to prove he harbored no ill feeling, he pulled his brother into a rough hug and held him tight. “No wonder we look so damn similar. Could use each other as bloody shaving mirrors, couldn’t we?”

Holland’s hand touched his head lightly as he tousled his hair. “I’ve thought so too on many occasions.”

Merrick released him, overcome by emotions that threatened to unman him. “Get some sleep. The old sow likes to travel early.” He winced at the insult he’d unthinkingly uttered before Holland.

Holland’s brow rose.

“Forgive me,” he begged quickly. “Old habits are often hard to break. But I will overcome this and behave in the future.”

“Thank you.” Holland nodded. “She’s called the carriage for seven.”

“In the morning? I gather you inherited the curse of rising early from her.” Merrick rolled his eyes as he opened the door to let himself out. “Damn Fords, never let a man sleep till a decent hour.”

“Mother can be a taskmaster about punctuality.” Holland grinned widely. “The Fords never let a man have any peace. It’s not in their nature.”

Holland had just described their entire family, even the illegitimate ones. “Nor ours. Sleep well, brother.”

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

Arabella closed the door behind her softly and turned the key in the lock so no one would disturb her. Across the room, Merrick sat hunched on the side of his bed. She hadn’t heard more than a few words from him all night, and she had been concerned about his disappearance. “I missed you tonight. Where did you go after Gray left?”

Merrick glanced around, unsmiling and serious for a change. “I wasn’t particularly good company, and I wanted to speak with Holland again.”

She approached him and discovered he’d begun undressing for bed, getting only so far as one boot off. “You couldn’t have known.”

He dragged a hand through his hair, looking confused and uncertain when he’d never been that way before. “Well, I know now and believe me, it will take some getting used to.”

Arabella moved closer and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Did you speak to your aunt about it?”

He shook his head, gaze falling to the floor. “No. I don’t think I ever shall have the courage to do that. In truth, I don’t believe she would confirm or deny the accusation. I’d rather not stir the pot at all if that is all right with you.”

“I think silence in this matter is definitely the right decision.”

She rubbed her hand over his broad shoulders and then curled her fingers around his neck, slipping them beneath his shirt and pressing them against his muscles. He rumbled his approval. The heat of Merrick’s skin soaked through his shirt and brought her pulse to life in the most disconcerting way.

“What will become of your brother? Would you like him to join the staff here?”

“No, but thank you, Arabella. That’s a very kind offer.” He removed her hand from his neck and brought it to his lips. He kissed her knuckles and then held her hand to his face. “He is coming home with me. We’ve spoken and he’s made me consider the matter in a different light. Apparently Aunt Pen likes to keep track of him too.”

“Well, she is his mother.” She relaxed, pleased by his change of heart. “I’m relieved to hear that. Holland was quite upset. I would have hated to have you estranged from him. You make a very good team.”

“I realized that, too.” He leaned into her touch as if he found comfort in her presence. “She’s kept him secret all these years. Not even Rutherford knows, and he usually knows everything. My father. Dear God, there are no words strong enough to describe him properly. He truly was an evil, grasping man. My father likely seduced Aunt Pen for her dowry, but when she wouldn’t agree to the match and went away to deliver Holland in secret, he turned his attention to my mother. Imagine Aunt Pen’s horror on discovering her own sister had married the monster.”

Alarmed by the horror in his voice, she caressed his face and neck with her fingertips. “The stress of keeping Holland’s existence secret would have been unbearable. The disagreement you had when you brought him to Newberry, it must have been fear of discovery, not anger, that provoked it. You do look remarkably similar. If Holland had lingered at there, your grandfather and others might have been found out and the scandal that would have followed could have torn the family in two.”

He covered his face suddenly. “Oh God, Arabella what have I done? The things I have said.”

She held him close as a lump formed in her throat. Merrick had been rather harsh in speaking of Lady Penelope, regardless of being provoked. “You are referring to your manner of speaking to her?”

“I never hesitated to complain to Holland about her meddling.” His hands fell and he gripped the bed beneath him. “He has had to listen to every hateful word I’ve ever spoken about her. She is his mother. Yet he listened and never once complained.”

“I think I can set your mind at ease a little.” She drew his head against her and smoothed his hair with her fingers. “Yesterday when you cursed Lady Penelope, I was surprised at her reaction, or lack of. She smiled. I don’t think you can hurt her, not when Holland is under your roof and you hold him in such high esteem. As I mentioned before, you were under no obligation to provide for him, or for any of your father’s illegitimate children. You are a good man. The very best, as far as I can see.”

Merrick looked up suddenly, staring hard at her face. “God, you’re easy on me. Most women would have run shrieking from the madness of my life.”

“Well, you’ve let me see a side of you that few can claim to know, and I never shriek. So unladylike,” she told him, tears forming in her eyes. “And I cannot claim to have a perfectly sensible life either. I’m not sure I will ever again trust people as much as I once did.”

“That’s a shame.” He caressed her cheek softly. “If not for your trust, I’d never have gotten to know you so well.”

She bit her lip—at the moment people she trusted could be counted on one hand. Merrick was at the top of the list because of all he’d done for her without expecting a thing in return. Her heart beat a little faster. If she thought him the best of all men, did that mean she loved him? She bit her lip as the idea took hold. Could this really be what love was?

She shook her head, delaying that line of thought. The night would soon be over. She needed to ponder love with a clearer head. “You do what you can to help others less fortunate than yourself. Even without Farnsworth, I still would have seen it. You did not have to help my niece marry your cousin. And I know you feel some guilt over your father’s behavior. I honor you for sharing your efforts to make amends for what wasn’t of your doing.”

Eventually, a smile teased at the corners of his lips. “I don’t have any more secrets left to tell, Arabella. You know everything unsavory about me and my family now. The good and the bad. It’s all there.”

She kissed his forehead, his nose, and at last his lips. “I have one secret I should have told you too.”

“Really? Just the one?”

“In coming to London to see Cecily matched and wed, I had a plan for myself. I wanted a lover. Someone who would teach me what I’d missed from my marriage. As you’ve discovered, my marriage was rather unfulfilling.”

He cupped her face, brushing his thumb forward to brush her lips. “It was a pleasure I will never forget, nor would I want to.”

She had found the perfect man for an affair. Merrick’s patience and understanding had helped her feel less like an ignorant fool. He had opened her eyes to what pleasures might be found with him and made her want even more. “Nor will I. You have been an excellent teacher.”

He fumbled with the ribbons on her nightgown, smiling in his wicked way as it opened. “There are other lessons I could share with you before I return to London.”

“I was hoping you might be agreeable.” She frowned at the thought of him leaving, but it would be for the best. “When do you go?”

He smiled and continued undressing her. “When you do. At the ungodly hour of seven in the morning, if you still intend to stay with my aunt in London despite all you’ve heard about us.”

She nodded. Lady Penelope had spoken to her right before she went to bed and was rather determined to have her pay a visit, insisting they leave together tomorrow. Now that Arabella knew her better, she found the woman a lot less terrifying. “I think that might be best for now.”

Merrick pulled a face. “Then I will call on you there if I may.”

She grinned. “If you would brave your aunt’s hospitality to see me, then I will be available at any time. I will look forward to your visits very much.”

But there was still one matter that troubled her greatly. She tugged on his shirt and drew it over his head. “What about your plans to marry? The special license must be expiring soon.”

“Let it.” He stood and finished undressing her. As her chemise sailed across the room, he continued, “I was never in any rush. I’d very much like a chance to court you properly.”

She searched his face for signs of frustration and saw none. “You might be wasting your time.”

“It won’t be a waste.” He pulled her into his arms and brushed her lips with his. “Surely you cannot believe that what exists between us happens every day.”

“I don’t know. I told you I’ve never been in love.” She wrapped her arms about his neck and pressed her cheek to his. “I don’t know when I would be certain, in fact,” she whispered.

It wasn’t fair to him to lead him to believe anything less than the truth.

“One day, you might be surprised to find you cannot live another day without me. But for now I am content make love to you while I can.” He drew her down to the bed at his side and set his lips to her throat. “What comes after we return to London is for you to decide.”

The soft kisses he peppered over her skin woke her body completely and she reached for him, eager to bring him closer.

Merrick dragged her flush against him, already aroused and needing her. “I must take pains to avoid getting a child on you. I cannot ever be careless.”

“I trust you.”

“In this you shouldn’t.” He dragged her upper leg over his and ran his hand down the expanse of bare flesh. “I lose all sense and caution when I’m with you. How do you do that?”

As he examined her leg, he lifted his head to stare at his actions and exposed his throat. Arabella darted out her tongue and tasted his skin quickly. Merrick groaned. “Yes, just like that. One touch and I’m beyond thinking of much beyond the moment.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing, but I am glad you like it.” Arabella chuckled as she leaned in to kiss him there too.

Merrick groaned again, arms tightening about her shoulders to hold her against him. “I love everything you do. I’m afraid I always will.”