Текст книги "Wounded Beast"

Автор книги: Georgia Le Carre

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

I know he has promised me nothing, but oh, how I do love this man.

How could I not? He came into my life like a tornado. Inconvenient. Unwanted. Destructive. He overturns everything I thought I believed in and fills me with the kind of passion I never knew existed. So yes, I do love this complicated, damaged, rich, strange, kind, beautiful man.

I stop and he stops too, and looks down at me. In the last rays that filter through the trees and catch his face, he is beautiful beyond any prince I could have dreamed of as a child. I entwine my arms around his powerful neck, he dips his head and we kiss. The kiss is different. It is different because of me, because of where we are, and because of him, too. When he raises his head, his eyes are dark and enquiring.

I just smile mysteriously and carry on walking.

When we arrive back at the house, we eat in that country dining room with the black and white curtains. Mrs. B has lit candles. In their yellow glow Dom looks impossibly mysterious and romantic. When he smiles, my heart actually lurches. I truly cannot believe my luck. Here I am jobless, but so incredibly, unbelievably happy.

We have coffee out on the long terrace overlooking lush green lawns.

‘Until you find another job, I want to take care of you,’ he says suddenly.

‘Thank you,’ I say softly. ‘But I’ll be OK. I have a little bit put away for a rainy day.’

He touches my hand. ‘Ella, it’s not a rainy day while I’m around.’

Something in his statement jars, but I don’t dwell on it. I’m living for the moment. The future is far off and could even be beautiful.

‘I didn’t mean to say rainy day. Honestly, I have savings I can dig into,’ I say with a smile. I don’t tell him that it is a pitifully small amount.

He looks at me intently. ‘But I want to help, Ella. It will give me great pleasure.’

‘How about I’ll ask if I need help?’

He looks at me with a flash of irritation and I just laugh. He’s cute even when he’s annoyed.

Eventually, Mrs. B comes to say goodnight. We watch her toddle off down the path and disappear from sight when she turns at the side of the house. I lean back and breathe in the night-scented air.

‘How quiet it is here,’ I say.

‘Mmmm’ He turns his head to look at me. ‘It won’t be so quiet when I get a hold of you.’

I laugh, the sound rolling into the dark night.

He crooks a finger at me.

I point to my chest and widen my eyes as if to say, me?

He smiles slowly. ‘Yeah, you with the gorgeous ass.’

I make a big production of sensuously uncrossing my legs and stretching my body out. I slink out of the recliner and glance at him from under my lashes. While keeping an eye on me, he is taking an ice cube out of his glass. Gosh. He really is one super-tasty dish. I actually can’t wait to get to his skin. Can’t wait for him to touch me, kiss me, take me. It’s never been like this for me. Ever since I met him it as if I am in a dream world where only he and I exist.

I take my shoes off and the grass is springy and cool under my feet. When in an animal sanctuary…  So I leave my independent, strong self in my handbag and getting on my hands and knees on the sweet-smelling grass, I slowly, and I mean slowly, ccccccccraaaaaawl to him. Yup, that’s right. I will meet him animal to animal. Tonight is going to be a wild ride or my name is not Ella Savage.

I reach him purring like a tiger and angling my mouth I suck at the ice cube. Melted ice runs down my chin.

He puts his hand on my head and smiles. ‘I don’t like your pussy lower than my mouth.’

‘No?’

‘Fuck no.’

He grabs my hand and pulls me up. We run into the darkness of the garden.

‘Where are we going?’

‘Do you trust me?’

‘Of course.’

‘Good. Because it’s time to face the truth.’

‘What truth?’ I ask breathlessly.

‘There’s a heated swimming pool at the bottom of the garden.’

I laugh. ‘You’re mad.’

‘Totally.’

And I see it. A frosted glass structure. From the outside I can see many lights flickering in it. He opens the door and we are in. Lit purely by candles, hundreds of them, it is incredibly beautiful, with the wavy light reflecting on the water. It is also very warm. Like being in a tropical country. The candles are scented and the perfume is unfamiliar to me, but exotic, the way I imagine some jungle flower in the tropics to smell like.

‘Wow! It’s really hot in here,’ I say.

He doesn’t answer. He gets on with stripping me down to my bikini. I squeal when he picks me up and throws me into the deliciously warm water. I float on my back and watch him get naked before he plunges in.

He swims to me, wraps his arms around my body, and kisses me passionately. I have never kissed anybody while I am in water. It is a sensual, sinuous experience. When he lifts his head I am no longer in the middle of the pool, but have been brought close to an edge.

‘Feel me,’ he says.

My hands curl around his cock. ‘Done,’ I say.

And then I am slowly, with water sluicing down my body, rising out of the pool. Fuck! He’s strong. I feel the hardness of the tiles by the side of the pool under my buttocks and thighs.

‘I want to kiss your clit now…’

I spread my legs out eagerly. I’ve never known a man who is so crazy about eating my pussy as he is.

His lips move forward and kiss the front of my bikini bottom. Looking up at my face, he pulls on my hips to bring me even closer.

‘Move the fucking material.’

Now that is what is called a fucking command. I pull the triangular piece of cloth slowly across to one side and expose my pussy to his eyes and lips.  I put my hand on his shoulders to steady myself and press my naked pussy against his face.

‘Lie back,’ he orders.

With my legs still in the warm water I lie down on my back. I feel the cool tiles on my back and his cheeks brush against my thighs as he moves between them. My legs move up and across his shoulders. And so he licks. Long languorous, thorough licks. The same dedication with which way a dog would groom itself clean. Earnestly.

There’s a job to be done here.

With each lick he goes deeper and deeper inside. One finger touches my hard clit.

‘Oh!’ I grab his head and spread my legs wider still. His tongue slips inside my pussy. Just a bit. Wow! It is enough to carry me home. I moan when he uses his finger to gently spread open my swollen lips.

‘So pink. So sweet,’ he murmurs.

One finger slides inside as his tongue continues to lick. I push against the finger. It slides farther inside. My eyes close and my body arches. His finger moves in and out of my wet, wet pussy. He covers my clit with his mouth and sucks.

My hand is clenched on the tiny material that I am holding back. My body tenses and I begin to moan. He begins to rub his whole face in my pussy. The action is so dirty I explode right there and then. Gushing onto his chin and listening to him slurp my juices greedily.

I come up on my elbows. Breathing heavily and craving cock! ‘I think I’m going to need a very big cock deep inside me.’

He grabs the sides of my bikini and yanks them down my legs. ‘I agree.’ He presses his palms on the edge of the pool and pulls himself out. Then he lays a towel beside me and I quickly get on my hands and knees, push my bottom up and wait.

His huge erection slides in slowly. The fit is tight and the sensation of being stretched and filled is wonderful. Then he holds still and my pussy calls him. I move against him, rocking my body, calling his sperm. This is the first time we are doing it bareback. Nothing between us, flesh to flesh. He reaches forward and starts massaging my clit. Little slow circles as I impale myself repeatedly on him. His stiff cock goes in and out of me like a piston.

‘I’m nearly there,’ I say, and he grabs my hips and rams into me. I gasp at the rough, hard slam. He fucks like savage, jerking me like a doll. I feel his shaft become harder and bigger and then he sprays his load deep inside me. In seconds I am adding my own cum to his. It’s a beautiful moment. We climaxed together. Without planning. Without trying. It just happened naturally.

He withdraws his throbbing cock and some of our warm cum gushes out of me, and drips down the inside of my thighs. He runs his fingers up and down my spine. We say nothing. We just enjoy the orgasmic high until we slip into warm water.

Like dolphins we glide and chase. Our bodies wet and slippery, we fuck in the water. I look deep into his eyes as I climax. He doesn’t know it, but that is my body saying, I love you.

I don’t know what lies in the future, and I don’t care. I am just happy seizing the moment.

FIFTEEN

I return home the next day, still enchanted by the feel of deer eating directly from my outstretched palm, to find my answering machine blinking. One message at twelve thirty a.m. Who the hell left a message after midnight?

I press play and the message is blank. Well, it’s not exactly blank—I can hear someone breathing. Frowning, I replay it. Yes, for at least thirty seconds someone held a phone to their ear and breathed into it. A chill runs up my spine. I dial 1471 and an automated voice says, ‘Caller withheld their number.’

‘Fuck you, Michael,’ I whisper into the stillness of my flat.

I stand for a few moments looking at the phone. Then I pick up the receiver and call my mother.

‘Hi, Mum,’ I say brightly.

‘Ella,’ she says. ‘Guess who I saw?’

‘Who?’

‘Your ex, Michael.’

I grip the phone harder. My mum doesn’t know how much trouble I had with Michael. I never told her how crazy it all got because I didn’t want to worry her. She only knows that he had become a pest and she was instructed to entertain neither phone calls nor any attempts from him to make contact.

I feel my heart rate increase. ‘Oh?’ I say as casually as I can. ‘Where did you see him then?’

‘I bumped into him at the supermarket.’

I frown. ‘Which supermarket?’

‘Morrisons.’

‘You mean the small one near you?’

‘Mmm.’

‘Why was he shopping there? He doesn’t live nearby,’ I say, thinking aloud.

‘I have no idea. He never said.’

‘What did he say, then?’

‘Not much. He was very friendly, though. He invited your dad and me for dinner. Obviously I said no. And then he went on his way.’ My mother pauses. ‘He didn’t ask about you or anything like that.’

‘When was this?’

‘Day before yesterday. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I forgot. I haven’t done anything wrong, have I? I couldn’t be rude.’

‘Of course you didn’t do anything wrong, Mum. But if you see him again, even accidentally, let me know, OK?’

‘OK. When are you coming over?’

‘This weekend?’

‘That’ll be nice. Why don’t you stay the night?’

‘Um … I probably won’t. But I’ll definitely come over on Saturday. We can do some shopping and then I’ll take you and Dad out for lunch.’

‘All right, love. Do you want to speak to your dad?’

‘What’s he doing?’

‘What do you think he’s doing?’

‘Oh, if he’s watching TV don’t bother him. I’ll see you both at the weekend,’ I say quickly.

‘Goodbye, love.’

‘Speak later, Mum.’

I put the phone down and call Anna’s office number.

‘How was it last night?’ she says with barely suppressed curiosity.

‘Er … it was great.’

‘Great?’ she explodes dramatically. ‘That’s all I get?’

‘I’ll tell you all about it in one minute. Anna, has Michael tried to contact you?’

‘Michael? I’m the last person that spineless, useless pig will call after the ear bashing I gave him the last time he tried to get me to pity him.’

‘Right,’ I say distractedly. Just the thought of having Michael in my life at this moment when everything is so wonderful and dreamlike gives me the shivers. I couldn’t go through all that again.

‘Why are you asking’ Anna queries quietly.

‘I think he called here last night, and Mum said she met him at the supermarket. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, but I just wanted to make sure he hasn’t tried to contact you as well.’

‘Coincidence? My ass! I’d call the pig right now if I were you and warn him that the injunction is still active. He’s not allowed to come anywhere near you, or your family members.’

‘Can I call you back Anna?’

‘Sure. I’m here bored out of my mind. I’d love to hear about how you sucked Mr. Eden’s fine, non-tax-paying cock.’

‘Speak to you soon,’ I say with a small laugh and cut the connection.

Right. Anna is right. The brightest thing to do is to face it head on and nip it in the bud. I dial Michael’s number. Amazing how it’s branded into my memory. I shudder at the thought that I’m again calling him.

The sound of his phone ringing echoes in my ear.

But he doesn’t pick up, so I leave a coldly brutal message telling him to stay away from me, my mother, my workplace and all my friends. I remind him about the court injunction and tell him that if he ever calls me in the middle of the night again I’ll get the police involved. Again!

I know he definitely won’t want a repeat of what happened the last time.

I stand outside Rob’s door holding my envelope, a tight ball of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. Well, you don’t have to fear him after today. I knock on the wood

‘Come,’ he calls.

I open it and as I enter he looks up from some papers. There is slight frown on his face. ‘What is it?’ he asks impatiently.

I walk quickly to his desk and place my envelope down on his table.

He narrows his eyes. ‘What’s this?’

‘It’s my letter of resignation.’

His eyes pop open. For a second he actually looks panicked. ‘What?’ he erupts.

‘I … er … I’m leaving HMRC.’

He stares at me with a shocked expression while I fidget uncomfortably. I certainly never expected this reaction. I’ve always suspected he secretly doesn’t like me.

‘Why?’ he asks finally.

I look down at a spot on the blue carpet. ‘We’ve actually had this conversation before, you know, about the unfairness of taxation. All this time, I thought I was making things better, but it turns out I’m not. I’m just perpetuating a system that is intrinsically wrong.’

‘I see. So when did this change of heart come about?’

I shrug. I really don’t want to discuss Dom with him especially since he dislikes him so intensely. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I say. ‘I just came in here today to give you my letter in person and thank you for everything you’ve taught me. I won’t be coming back after today. I’ve got some leave accrued to me and I’ll just use it up as part of my notice.’

‘Don’t be stupid, Ella. No matter where you go there will always be unfair practices. At least here you know that you’ll have a good pension scheme to take care of you.’

‘Look, Sir. It’s really kind of you to think of my future and everything, but I just can’t stay.’

‘But you’re one of our rising stars. You have a real talent,’ he says.

I look up, surprised by the compliment. I don’t think I’ve ever had one from him. ‘Thank you, Sir, for saying that. Er… it … um … means a lot to me, but my mind’s made up. I just can’t work here anymore.’

He frowns. ‘Where will you go?’

I shrug again. ‘I don’t know yet. I’ll probably find something temporary first and see how it goes.’

He holds my letter out to me. ‘I’m not going to accept your resignation. It seems to me you are acting on an impulse. You should take some time to think about this more clearly.’

I don’t take the letter from him. ‘No, I have thought about it carefully.’

‘You’re throwing away a really good career on a whim. I always saw you as one of the managers here.’

He did! Really? Who would have guessed by the horrible way he treated me?

‘It’s not a whim, Sir.’

‘Why don’t you have dinner with me tonight?’

My eyes widen with shock. Wow, Rob has always been so distant and cold with me that I can’t think of a more uncomfortable way to spend an evening. Besides I have absolutely nothing in common with him. I shake my head.

‘It’s not a date,’ he says dryly.

I flush bright red with embarrassment. See, why I can’t have dinner with a brute like him? ‘I know that, Sir. Of course, it’s not a date. I realize that you just want to try and talk me into staying, but really there’s just no point. I’ve made up my mind.’

He stands. ‘I think you’re making a mistake.’

I smile awkwardly. It never crossed my mind that he would try to stop me from leaving that he even considered me such a valuable member of his team. Having said that, I suppose I was pretty useful to him. I did all the legwork so he could go out there and achieve all his monthly quotas.

‘Why don’t you take the leave that you are owed to relax and reflect on your decision? And if for any reason you change your mind you can always come back.’

I shake my head and start backing away. ‘No, my mind’s made. Thank you, Sir, for everything.’

‘Wait, Ella.’

Holding the door open I turn around and find he is only a few feet away from me. ‘At least finish the bloody week,’ he says angrily. ‘You’re going to leave everybody in the shit leaving like this.’

I’ll be glad to see the back of him. I shake my head, and say resolutely, ‘Goodbye, Sir.’ Then I close the door, happy that I have made the right decision.

Three weeks later …

SIXTEEN

My mother always has her children driving over to her other childrens’ houses delivering homemade food. I’m sure she does it because she thinks it will mean we see more of each other. Maybe she’s right. I suppose I would see less of them without these errands she makes us all run for her. This week I have a box of Shane’s favorite—lemon cupcakes—sitting on the passenger seat of my car.

I turn off the engine, grab the cakes, and, locking the door, cross the courtyard toward his apartment. My brother is a funny guy. It’s easy to misunderstand him and think he’s a pushover or a shallow playboy, but that’s just a façade he employs since it’s so convenient and effective. The opposite is true.

He’s actually very deep. Deeper than me, anyway. Me, I’m a simple guy. Neanderthal simple. Especially when it comes to women. My woman is my woman and mine alone. Shane’s more complicated. He doesn’t go out there all guns blazing to keep his woman.

Like that time with Lily. It was Shane who was first interested in her, but he took her to a party at Jake’s house, and Jake and Lily immediately hooked up. I know that Jake and Lily are mad about each other and all that, but the ease with which Shane allowed Jake to take his woman shocked me. I mean, I don’t know what I would have done. I love my brother, but I might have had to punch him real hard. I know I definitely wouldn’t have behaved like it was nothing, like I was some sort of wuss.

It bothered me so much that I asked Shane how he could be so cool about something like that. He shrugged and said, ‘I can get a woman any time. Sometimes I open my kitchen drawer and one pops out. But I can never replace Jake. I’d give my life for him. He’s family.’

And suddenly I remembered being fourteen again. My father had just been killed, and Jake had taken his place, so he was never in the house. It seemed to me then that my whole family was falling apart, and for some weird reason I became furious with my mother, as it was her fault that my father had stolen money from a gangster and had his throat cut.

Rebelliously, I began to act out. I cut school and would never come home until late, and when I did come home I wouldn’t speak to anyone. I was rude and sullen. I stole alcohol from the supermarket and got drunk. And when I was drunk, all I wanted to do was fight. I fought with everybody in those days.

Shane had just turned ten, then. One night I came home late, nearly midnight. Layla was asleep, Jake was out, of course, and only my mother and Shane were home. I walked into the house and heard a strange crooning sound coming from the living room. So I stopped and tiptoed to the door, and what I saw changed me forever.

My mother’s head was in my brother’s lap. She was weeping quietly, and he was gently stroking her cheek and kind of singing to her in a strange, reedy voice.

‘Don’t you worry, Ma. Don’t you worry. Everything will work out perfectly. Jake and I’ll take care of you. Dom will come around. He always does. Don’t you worry, Ma. Don’t you worry.’

I didn’t show myself. I walked backwards out of the door. I went to an illegal, open-all-night pub and got totally smashed. I felt so ashamed. Shane had taken on the role that I should have. Jake was doing his bit, and I was slacking. No one had asked me to change my ways. Everybody was just waiting for me to come to my senses.

I woke up the next morning with an almighty hangover, and totally changed. I pulled my weight, and I’ve never forgotten the strength of character that Shane showed at the tender age of ten. I know it’s all still there. He’s playing the part of the devil-may-care playboy, but one day the real Shane will come through and reveal himself.

I open the entrance door to the block of apartments. It’s a Sunday night—the night porter is nowhere to be seen, and the reception area’s deserted. I get into the lift and hit the button for Shane’s floor. The doors open, I get out of the lift, walk down the short corridor, and knock on his door. He opens it in a stained T-shirt and ripped jeans.

‘You OK?’ he says.

‘Yeah, good,’ I reply and hold out the box of cakes.

‘Thanks.’ He takes the box, immediately opens it, and, selecting a cupcake, bites into it. ‘Delicious,’ he says, and holds the open box out to me.

‘Nah,’ I decline, and he shrugs and leads the way to his living room.

We get into the room, and to my surprise my niece and nephew are playing there. They squeal with delight when they see me.

‘Where are their parents?’ I ask.

‘Mummy and Daddy and Uncle BJ and Aunty Layla have all gone to dinner,’ Liliana announces importantly.

I look at Shane curiously. ‘Are they here on their own with you?’

‘What’re you looking so surprised for?’

I cross my arms. ‘They trust you to take care of their kids?’

He seems amused. ‘Yeah.’

I feel vaguely miffed. ‘How come they never ask me to babysit?’

‘They love their kids, Dom,’ he says with a perfectly straight face.

I scowl. ‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’

He raises both his hands in mock surrender. ‘Hold your fire. Just kidding. It’s probably because you don’t know the first thing about babies.’

‘How much is there to know?’

He grins. ‘Can you change a diaper?’

Changing diapers! Of course not. ‘Can you?’ I ask, genuinely surprised. See what I mean about my brother being a dark horse.

He shrugs carelessly. ‘Sure.’

‘When did you learn to do that?’

‘Had a girlfriend who had a kid,’ he explains casually.

‘How difficult is it?’

He pops the last bit of cake into his mouth and says, ‘Piece of cake.’

‘So why won’t they trust me to babysit?’

He puts the box of cakes down on a cabinet and turns to me. There’s a curious expression on his face. ‘Do you want to?’

I look down at the kids and hesitate.

Shane begins to smile. That ‘stupid, see, I knew you couldn’t do it’ smile.

It gets my back up. ‘Yeah, I do,’ I say nonchalantly.

‘OK, I’ll let you get on with it then.’

‘Wait a minute. Where are you going?’

He looks at his watch. ‘If I leave now, I could take Tanya out to dinner.’

I frown. ‘You’re going to leave them both here with me? Alone?’

‘That’s the plan. Unless you think … you can’t cope.’

I look at the children. They’re sitting on the floor like two little angels. They stare back at me with big, curious eyes. Of course I can do it. What can possibly go wrong? If Shane can …

‘No, go ahead,’ I tell Shane. ‘Have fun. I can manage.’

But Shane has me figured pretty good. He’s already pulling his T-shirt over his head and striding toward his bedroom. He comes back into the room in a clean T-shirt. My brother is so good-looking he doesn’t even need to run a fucking brush through his hair.

‘Right then,’ he says cheerfully. ‘All their stuff is in the spare bedroom. In an hour’s time, warm the milk already prepared in the bottles and just give it to them.’

I nod slowly.

‘You sure about this?’

‘Have fun, Shane.’

‘Laters,’ he says to the kids, and, winking at me, goes out of the door.

I look at the kids. ‘It’s just us now,’ I say, and walk to the window, where I watch Shane get into his car and roar off.

Inside the apartment Tommy gives a great big howl.

I rush to his side. ‘What?’

‘I pinched him,’ Liliana confesses calmly.

‘What did you do that for?’

‘He poked me in the heart,’ she says tearfully, pointing to the middle of her chest. ‘And it hurt.’

‘He’s just a baby, Liliana. He didn’t really mean it,’ I explain reasonably.

‘Yes, he did,’ she insists as I pick Tommy up while he carries on with his meltdown. I realize immediately that there’s a very bad smell coming from him. Holding him at arm’s length, I then put him back on the floor.

Liliana is looking up at me with enormous accusing eyes, and I experience a rush of panic. I shouldn’t have let Shane leave. I brush my face with my hand while Tommy continues to bawl inconsolably.

‘Fuck it,’ I mutter, and pick him up again. I hold him the way I see everybody else holding babies. The way Shane does. With his little stiff body close to mine—but he only screams even harder. I put him back on the floor.

‘Do you want some ice cream?’ I offer desperately.

Tommy stops crying instantly, and, standing up, gazes at me with tear-stained, hopeful eyes. His mouth is still quivering, just in case I don’t come through with my offer. ‘I cream,’ he shouts happily.

‘Yes, ice cream,’ I repeat brightly.

‘He’s not allowed to have any,’ Liliana forbids in an eerily grown-up voice.

At that, Tommy throws himself to the ground and howls his head off in frustration. ‘I waaaaant i cream. I WAAAAANT I CREAM,’ he hollers.

‘Why is he not allowed ice cream?’ I demand.

The little madam has her chubby arms crossed over her chest and is glaring up at me. ‘Because we are both not allowed.’

‘Why not?’

‘There’s sugar in it and sugar is bad for children.’

‘Well, he’s damn well having some,’ I mutter.

‘I’m telling,’ she warns.

‘Yeah, you do that,’ I say, and, picking Tommy up by the armpits, begin to stride toward the kitchen with her following behind. If she’s not careful she’s getting Layla’s disgusting gin and tonic ice cream.

There’s a highchair pushed up against a wall. I drag it to the table and secure Tommy into it. The smell from his diaper is making me gag. I move away from him and open the freezer door. One scoop isn’t going to kill them. Triumphantly, I pull out a tub of cookies and cream flavor and show it to Tommy.

‘Mmmm,’ I say in an exaggerated way and put it down on the counter.

Tommy cackles with delight.

I turn and look at Liliana. ‘This is your last chance.’

She blinks, and I know I’ve got her.

‘I won’t tell if you won’t,’ I cajole softly. I know it’s wrong to bribe her like this, but what the hell. This is an emergency.

She grins suddenly, and I see Jake in her little face. That same gorgeous smile. Something inside me knots up. I feel a wave of deep love for her.

‘I cream,’ Tommy demands, banging the tray.

‘Right,’ I say, and fill Tommy’s bowl with three scoops of ice cream, because one just seems so mean.

I pull a chair out and raise my eyebrows at Liliana. Very primly, she walks over to the chair and slides in.

I put a bowl down in front of her. ‘Do you know how to change a diaper, Liliana?’

She shakes her head solemnly. ‘No, but Mummy knows how. We can call Mummy.’

I pick up the ice cream tub and start scooping it out. ‘No. No, let’s not.’

‘Daddy knows how, too. We can call him,’ is her next brilliant suggestion.

I put the tub of ice cream down. ‘I know what,’ I say in an unnaturally high voice. ‘Shall we learn it together on the Internet after you finish eating your ice cream?’

She starts bouncing up and down. ‘OK.’

I get my phone out and dial up YouTube—how to get a diaper on a baby in less than one minute. I put my phone on the table and we watch the video together while Tommy spreads ice cream all over his face, clothes, and chair.

When it’s over, I look across at Liliana. ‘You ready?’

I pull a couple of kitchen towels, and as I’m walking toward Tommy, he manages to spin his bowl and it flies in the air and crashes dramatically to the ground, breaking and spilling ice cream everywhere. Christ! Liliana covers her mouth with both her hands. Over her hands, her eyes are round and full of an ‘oh, oh, look what you’ve let happen now’ expression.

‘Want i cream,’ Tommy bawls.

Jesus. This is turning out to be much harder than it looked.

Liliana uncovers her mouth. ‘Uncle Shane always uses Tommy’s plastic bowl.’

‘Great. Thanks for the early tip,’ I mutter.

I stop for a moment. I need to think. And I can’t think with all this noise. These kids are doing my head in. First: stop that kid from howling. He wants ice cream. She says plastic bowl. Right.

Ice cream.

Plastic bowl.

I open the cupboard and find a green plastic bowl. I show the kid the bowl and he stops howling. I toss a couple of scoops into it and plonk it in front of him. He sticks his spoon into it and shovels it into his mouth.

‘He’ll be sick,’ a small, knowing voice says.

‘No he won’t,’ I snarl.

‘You shouted at me, Uncle Dom.’ Her lower lip starts trembling.

Oh no. Oh no. ‘No I didn’t,’ I deny, while plastering a big, fake smile on my face.

‘Yes, you did,’ she wails and scrunches up her face.

For fuck’s sake! I start walking toward her. ‘That was just a joke, sweetie. I wasn’t shouting. Look, do you want more ice cream?’

She sniffs and nods.

I grab the tub and put four generous scoops into her bowl. I look at her, and she stares at me with her spoon lifted meaningfully above her bowl.

‘More?’ I ask incredulously. This is the drama queen who claimed sugar is bad for children.

She nods vigorously.

I don’t believe this. I throw another couple of scoops in.

‘Thank you, Uncle Dom,’ she says solemnly, and drops her spoon into the ice cream. While they’re eating, I pick up the broken pieces from the floor. The ice cream is melting fast, but I manage to mop up the largest blobs with paper towels. However, I can see that I’m going to have to settle them in the other room and come back to clean this mess.