Текст книги "Return to Grace Street"

Автор книги: Ella Dominguez

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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

30: Destiny Revealed

Victor had lied to himself when he said he didn’t want Elsa to chase after him. But he had gotten what he wished for. It had been nearly a week since their show down in her office, and he hadn’t heard a peep from her. Not a phone call. Not a text. Nothing. Her clothes and belongings were still at his house and everything in 2500 East Grace Street smelled of her, making it impossible for him to get anything done except mope around like a heartsick asshole.

He hadn’t called her either. He hadn’t even stalked her which was a feat on his part. Instead, he had sent officers of the Richmond Police Department to check in on her. It was for the best that he stay away from her, even if his heart was pissed off at him for having ended things the way he did.

The music box she had given him was still sitting on his night stand. She had hoped it would bring him peace, but all it was doing was serving as a reminder of how he had screwed things up with her. Christ, it had only been five motherfucking days. What the hell was he supposed to do with the rest of his life without her? As he lay in bed trying to figure out what he would do next seeing as seeking out other chapters was no longer an option, he reached over and opened it. A silly tune played and he envisioned a young Elsa listening to it as she lay in her own bed. It brought a smile to his face; the first one since things had ended between them.

He picked up his phone and dialed her number, but quickly hung up when she answered. It was juvenile but he needed to hear her voice. His life was a Goddamn mess and so was he.

Why the fuck did she have to go and seek out Anthony? What was the damned point? And what was her sick fascination in knowing every single fucked up detail about his life?

Disgusted with the entire Chapter Eight Saga, he grunted and punched at his pillow. He was just as confused and indecisive as she was. He had planned on ending things anyway, for fuck’s sake.

It was early in the evening. Far too early to be lying in bed when there were things that needed to be done. Like changing the Goddamn bed linens so that he could get Elsa’s scent out of his fucking bedroom. Maybe then he could sleep without dreaming of her for a change.

He lay around another twenty minutes before forcing himself to start pulling the bed sheets off the bed. Just as he tossed everything into the washing machine, he heard the front door unlatch. When Elsa’s scent drifted in along with a cold gust of air, he sighed miserably.

Why couldn’t she just leave him alone?

When he came out into the living room she was waiting by the fireplace, warming her hands.

She stared into the fire when she spoke. "I need you to make Mr. Black take a backseat for this conversation. I need you to promise that you'll keep him reined in."

"Mr. Black isn’t here,” he responded tetchily. “Anyway, I can't promise you anything until you tell me why you’re here."

Elsa glared at him. “I didn’t intend on coming back, but you called…”

“I wish I hadn’t,” he crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a cold stare.

“Well you did and I’m here. You look ridiculous standing there pretending like you don’t give a shit about me, so do me a favor and lose the pretense. It’s unattractive and makes you look older than you are.”

Victor couldn’t do anything to control the rapid influx of emotions her words were stirring within him. He also couldn’t control the chemical reaction his body was having to her smart-ass mouth. He wanted to punish and fuck her relentlessly for her inability to hold her tongue, shut the hell up and accept her fate, though he knew doing so had never been her strong points.

"I mean it, Victor. Promise me you’ll keep Mr. Black out of this."

Resigned to the fact that she wasn’t leaving until she had aired her feelings, he threw himself onto the couch. "Why? Is this discussion going to piss me off?”

“Probably, but it’s important. Please…”

Puzzled by her insistence, he shot her a look of upset but gave into her request. “Ok. I promise. Now dispense with the drama and get it over with."

***

Elsa paused to reconsider what she was about to do before reaching into her coat pocket and handing over the folded envelope she had brought along with her. She had received the letter in the mail days before and the results were just as she had suspected. But after the way Victor had nearly attacked her and then simply walked out on her, she was too hurt to seek him out to relay the message. He hadn’t even called or checked up on her, and she had decided that it was best to just let things end, no matter how much she wanted to be with him.

If he hadn’t called, she would’ve just let it go and allowed him to live his life of lies since that seemed to be what he wanted. But he did call, and she knew that no matter what the consequences would be, he needed to know the truth. All of it.

Victor gave her another bewildered look but promptly opened the envelope and began reading the letter. When he flipped over the first page and began reading the results of the paternity test, she prepared herself for the worst.

"What? This can't be... When?" he eyes rapidly flicked over the document.

"When I went to see Anthony that day. I went there out of morbid curiosity, and, yes, to prove that the man I…” she swallowed loudly but refused to acknowledge her true feelings. “…Was really the son of a serial killer. But the more I talked to him and the more I looked at him and watched his mannerisms, the more I realized there was nothing of you in him. On a whim, I asked him for the piece of gum he was chewing as a souvenir. I took a swab of you while you were sleeping and sent them both in for a paternity test. I’m sorry I lied to you, but I had to know, for my own peace of mind."

"This has to be wrong..."doubt throbbed in his voice.

"You seem disappointed in finding out the serial killer you thought was your father, isn't. Why is that?" she asked in astonishment.

"This is bullshit!" He stood and slammed the paper onto the coffee table.

"What's bullshit is that you convinced yourself that a sociopath was your father. And what’s bullshit is that you created Mr. Black out of some misguided sense of guilt and shame."

"We’ve already been through that! I didn't create Mr. Black. He's a part of who I am; a piece of my personality," his voice rumbled loudly.

"Fine. He's part of you,” her voice rose in response. “We all have a side to us that's dark, dirty and secretive. All of us. You're no exception. But you let that part of you run loose and ruin lives, namely yours."

His massive shoulders heaved with his labored breathing. "The other half who created me is still indisputable.”

"I don't want to hear you compare yourself to your mother because there is no comparison. Yes, she was a horrible parent and a cruel person, but you pulled yourself out of that situation. You rose above it. You’ve helped people. You're noble and brave when you want to be, and even when you don't mean to be. Has it been so many years that you can't remember the person you were before Scarlet Greene came along?"

"Don't say her name,” he growled so deeply it startled her, making her back away.

"Jesus, Victor. You're the one with the psychology degree. Can't you focus that high-powered analytical lens into your own brain and see what you've done to yourself?"

"Why did you do this?” he yelled as he lunged toward her again. She feared the worse, but he simply shook her by the shoulders. “What the fuck were you trying to prove?”

“That you’re not the man you think you are. I don’t know how you came to the conclusion you did, or even who your real father is, but it is not Anthony Bruce,” she whispered.

“I went on what my mother told me…” he appeared to be frantically trying to recall the past as his hands tightened around her shoulders. “I even did the math in case she was wrong. I went on the details she gave me – his age, what he looked like, when they met, when I was born… I did the fucking numbers. She told me it was Anthony Bruce…” His eyes scanned the room, trying to find something that wasn’t there.

“Your mother was a drunk and a liar by your own account, Victor. Did it ever occur to you that she might have lied?” Elsa was astounded. Victor’s destiny had been revealed and he was still trying to dispute the DNA evidence that was staring him in the face. When she reached up to touch his face, he jerked his head away and moved to the other end of the room.

“Why would she do that? There would be no reason for her to lie about that…” his eyes stabbed into her.

“I don’t know…” she shook her head. All she could do was guess, like him. “Maybe she got it wrong. She was drunk when she was with the man who fathered you. And she was cruel. Maybe she did it to make you doubt yourself and make you feel weak, and hate yourself. To make you think you were less than the amazing man you are…” She took a step toward him but he promptly put his hands up to stop her.

“Shut up. Please, God, Elsa, just shut the fuck up!” he fisted his hair. “I’m not amazing. I can’t think…” He began pacing the living room. “Why do you always have to be so Goddamn nosy?” his voice cracked. “Why couldn’t you just let me go on believing that…” he swallowed loudly. “That I’m a worthless piece of shit,” he choked out. “Why did you have to come back here tonight?”

When he sank onto the chaise and hid his face in his hands, she fell to her knees in front of him. With her face pressed against his thighs, a sob escaped her throat. This beautiful, tortured man… this cruel son-of-a-bitch, this confused little boy… she had broken him. She had finally broken him…

“You’re not, Victor. You’re not. Can’t you see what I see in you?”

“Why…” he finally drew his hands away from his tear soaked face.

The words she wanted to say clogged her throat. The day she was released from the hospital after her breakdown, she had promised herself she wouldn’t ever take him back, but she had been forced to, and now, here she was, breaking the other promise she made to herself by falling in love with him again.

“Because I love you. I always will,” her words came out strained.

"You said you wouldn't say that again until I earned it."

"You have earned it, Victor. And my forgiveness.”

31: Blackened Heart

Hours had passed without Victor saying one single word to Elsa. He had simply sat in the chaise reading the letter over and over as he slowly came to grips with what it revealed. He had emotionally withdrawn from her and she had fallen asleep on the floor at his feet.

When she felt her body being lifted and placed onto the couch, she woke and sat up to face him as he sat on the coffee table in front of her.

She feared what his answer would be, but the question lingering in her mind needed to be asked. “Now that you’re not the person you thought you were, now that your future is unwritten, now that the game is over, what becomes of us? Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t plan for this… I’m so lost.” The command that was usually in his voice was gone. When she reached out to him, he stood, grabbed her coat off the floor and handed it to her. “You should go, Elsa.”

A sob welled up in her and a deep sense of déjà vu struck her as she robotically moved toward the door. After all this time, after all their angst and drama, they were right back to where they had left off; her now standing with her hand on the knob, ready to walk away from him. Only this time, it would really be forever. Her heart ached like it had before, but more intensely. She loved him, and even more than before. And still, he just stood there like he did that fateful last day with him, withdrawing from her and pushing her away.

Slowly she turned away and turned the knob. Forever. She had survived his loss before; she was strong; she could do it again. She repeated the words over and over in her mind, trying to convince herself of what she knew was a lie. The door cracked open, an arctic gust of wind pushing it open and chilling the tears on her lashes. There would be no getting over him this time…

The bright moonlight poured into the darkened entry way and she gazed up at it. It would be a long night. The darkness would last forever. There would be no more sun in her future. No more light. What little bit she had left flickered out as she stepped forward, reluctantly ready to move forward with a future without Victor.

“This isn’t permanent, Elsa. It’s just until I get my mind right,” she heard over her shoulder. She couldn’t bear to look at him and stood motionless in the threshold of the door. “I know I shouldn’t ask you to wait. I know it wouldn’t be fair, but…” he pulled her back inside by her upper arm. “I’m asking you to wait…” his voice was a low, aching rasp that curled through her on a wave of heat.

“Don’t make me leave, Victor,” she began to cry. “Don’t make me leave you again.” His arms crushed her, pulling her firmly against his chest. Nuzzling his face into her hair, his hot panting breath could be felt on her ear. “I don’t want to you go, but I’m sick. I need help. I don’t want to hurt you…”

Facing him, she melted under his gaze. “You promised when the game was over that…”

“I know what I fucking promised,” he gripped her by the shoulders harshly, his glassy gaze burning into her. “I don’t care.” His words came out strained and he suddenly backed away from her, mortified at his admission. “I know what I should do… What needs to be done… You deserve to be happy; to love and be loved, but I can’t let you go. I can’t. I’m not that strong. I need you. And I hate that I need you and that I’m weak, and that I’ll never be a man worthy of your love.”

Frozen with emotion, Elsa merely stared at him.

“Fuck,” he whispered, stumbling backwards toward the stairs, falling onto them. “You won’t wait for me, will you? You hate me. And I can’t blame you…” he rested his elbows on his knees and ran his nails over his scalp. “I never should have let you walk out that day…” His gaze became fixed on the wall behind her as his statement went unfinished. “I wish you had found me before Chapter One… Before all the others. We might have had a chance then.”

Her body stiffened, tears rapidly filling her eyes. “If you’re just saying these things for the sake of keeping me hanging on… If you’re lying to me… I’ll never forgive you. Not ever. I’ve forgiven you, so please, please, Victor, tell me this isn’t part of the game and that you feel the same way,” she begged, finally allowing her walls to fall down around her.

Slowly his eyes met hers. “I stopped playing the game the night you told me you weren’t engaged anymore; the night I realized I could never win this game with you. You won the first time we played and you’ve won again.”

Her mouth hung open. He had been the winner the first time. Didn’t he realize that? She had been the loser. Or had she? Had she been wrong all along? Were they both losers? Of course they were. There would never be a winner in this fucked up game.

“Everything after that night has been me, Elsa. Me. Didn’t you see that? Couldn’t you really see me?” he pleaded.

Her vision clouded over as she tried to recall every word, every action after that night. Realization came slowly, but it came. Yes, there had been a change in him; a shift in his attitude; a slow transformation of his treatment of her. His unprompted confession about who his father was and so much more. She had been so blinded by the fear of having her heart broken that she had missed the signs when they were flashing like neon lights all around her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” A stray tear fell from her eye.

“Would you have believed me?”

No. She wouldn’t have. It took this, this heartfelt confession, to convince her.

Kneeling before him, she held his face. “I don’t hate you, Victor; I hate what you did. What Mr. Black did. I already told you that.”

“I can’t change that. I wish I could, Christ, I wish I could. Holy hell…” his lashes became heavy with unshed tears. “I had a plan for every scenario with you, but I never planned on this; on the game really ending. What the fuck am I going to do now?”

“You’re going to let me love you like you should have the first time I offered.”

His eyes widened with disbelief and his breathing halted. “After everything, after all the things I shared, you still want to love me…”

The words hung in the air like a thick mist and Elsa didn’t know if what he said was a question or a statement, or if he had spoken them to her or to himself.

“That’s all I ever wanted,” she touched the top of his hand.

“But loving me won’t be easy,” he held her shoulders.

“Anything worth having never is.”

***

Victor stood and pulled her upright. “Then wait for me, Elsa. I can’t do this with you until I’m mentally healthy. And I’m so far from that it’s frightening.”

He didn’t want to make her go but it was what needed to be done. He guided her to the door again and pulled it open. When her shoulders began to shake from her deep sobs, he bit his lower lip to stop himself from reacting the same way. As she stepped out into the wintery night, he prayed she would wait for him. She took in a big gulp of air, held it and in an instant, her crying stopped.

She was so strong. Much stronger than he was. He admired her strength and resilience.

When she climbed into her car and drove away, he allowed himself to finally grieve what his life had become.

Anthony wasn’t his father. He’s wasn’t the offspring of a sociopath. His mother hadn’t been sociopath anymore than he was; she was merely a mean, abusive drunk. The rage quickly built up in him that he hadn’t done the very thing Elsa had and compared his DNA against Anthony’s. It was such a simple thing and could’ve spared him so much agony. But Elsa was right: he saw what he wanted to see. He had hurt all those people and for what? A lie he had convinced himself was real.

After tearing his office apart in a furious rampage, he collapsed onto his bed and stared at the darkened ceiling.

His own deep breathing drowned out the sound of his thudding heart in his ears.

“You can’t do this alone. I won’t let you,” he heard Elsa’s voice.

He turned his head to see her standing in the doorway of the bedroom. Rising up on his elbows he stared blankly at her.

“If we’re doing this, we’re doing it together or not at all. This can only work between us if we’re both present and committed to one another, no matter how ugly things may get. And I’m dedicated to you and to making this work. If you’re not, then tell me right now.” Her body swayed as light from the hallway bathed her body and glowed all around her tear-streaked face and ember-colored locks. “If you say no to me right now, it will be the last time you say no. I’ll walk out that door and I won’t be waiting for you, Victor. I’ll be trying to piece my life back together and moving on.”

The thought of Elsa moving on without him tore his heart to shreds.

“Please say yes, Victor,” she begged.

In the blink of an eye, he stood and swept her into his arms, carrying her to the bed with her face buried in his neck, her feminine scent making him light-headed. “Yes, Elsa. Yes.” He breathed into her hair. Laid out in his arms, he stared down at her with fear, worry, and a feeling he couldn’t identify coursing through his veins. “I can’t promise that this thing between us will last forever, but if there’s anyone I ever want to have a forever with, it’s you. I… I love…” he struggled to put into words what he should have said eons ago with a pained expression creasing his face and making him feel older than he was.

Swiftly she placed her hand over his mouth. “You don’t have to say anymore.”

“No, I need to say it…” if not for any other reason but to remind myself that he could still feel. Several long moments later the words he had been so terrified of saying, effortlessly came out as if they had been hovering on his lips and waiting to come out all along.

“I love you, Elsa.” His emotions skidded in a cloudy haze all around him, enlivening him. He shook his head, unable to accept that he was a sentient human again.

The beautiful woman in his arms smiled up at him and touched his lips as if making sure he was real. She was so naïve, innocent even, in her own way. Her eyes roamed over his face questioningly, her expression indecipherable.

Mr. Black’s distant voice whispered to him and prickled at his nerves. That part of him wanted to come back out to play hard, to fuck hard, and to have this trusting woman begging for his mercy and her release. Mr. Black was part of him; had been his fiercest ally; his only comfort when the world around him showed him nothing but blood and cruelty. Could he just simply let that piece of himself die out for her? He gulped noisily, his nerves having sapped the saliva from his mouth, leaving it parched and his unspoken words wedged in his throat.

You don’t deserve her… You don’t need her… Mr. Black’s words seared through him. How foolish for him to think that vital part of his personality wasn’t going to go down without a fight. He had let that piece of himself run wild for so long, was there any hope of restraining it?

His silence didn’t go unnoticed, and Elsa circled her fingers over his heart as she pleaded with her eyes for him to say something… Anything.

She was so beautiful and deserving of someone better than him…

“You deserve better.” He spoke Mr. Black’s words, but the sentiment was his own. He had spoken the truth, but he was a selfish man, and even if he was the wrong man for her, there was no way he was giving her up. Not without a fight and Mr. Black would just have to face that and adapt to the changes.

“There is no one better for me than you, Victor,” she repeated his own words as her voice cracked, and her chin trembled ever so slightly.

“I’m so broken, Elsa, and we’ve done so much damage to each other…”

“No,” she shook her head. “That’s not true. We’re both stronger when we’re together. We can do this.”

His words slipped out painfully through his clenched teeth as he struggled to keep the desperation out of his voice. “You might feel differently in time.”

Her resolve resurfaced, and she stared into his eyes, the brown of her irises shimmering fiercely. “I hope I do feel different. I hope I love you more with each passing moment and that you let me love you until my heart explodes. I hope you give me reasons to see you differently – in good ways.”

That sinking feeling was returning. “I want to… but Mr. Black…”

“I’m not asking you to shut him down, Victor. I’m just asking you to control him; to not allow his darkness to overcome your light.”

He shook his head but felt a smile work its way onto his mouth. “You and your damned light.” The smile disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared. “Sometimes I like the dark, Elsa. Now and then it comforts me. For things to be dirty and depraved is what stimulates me and makes me feel alive. That’ll never change for me. Mr. Black opened my eyes to my dark side, and I can’t live without that. I won’t. Can you live with me knowing I need that?”

His stomach churned waiting for her answer. He wanted her and if she said no… God, if she said that word, his soul would be crushed.

Soft fingers laced through his hair and her perfectly shaped mouth curved into something sexy and her eyes lit up the room. “I can and I will.”

His pulse skittered when he confessed what he really wanted. “I love seeing you on your knees, Peach. I crave your begging and pushing your limits. I don’t want to lose that…”

“To ask you to change who you are would be a death sentence for our relationship. You are who you are, Mr. Black and all. I like your dark side and even Mr. Black… in small doses,” she gave him a feeble smile. “Neither of us has to sacrifice the things we enjoy to be together. We can make this work. I truly believe that. As long as we love each other consistently, honestly and most importantly, unconditionally, it doesn’t matter that it will be difficult.”

Her eyes were ablaze with something fierce; something more potent than love. A warmness flowed over his body and wrapped itself around him like a blanket, a peacefulness like he had never felt before filling him.

It could last if they worked at it, if they both wanted it, and he did. Maybe, just maybe, it would last forever. And maybe it wouldn’t, but he couldn’t think about that. One day at a time is all he could manage. Baby steps…

“I’ll do everything I can to be my best for you, but I want you to understand that there is no such thing as happily ever after.”

She squeezed his shoulders and bit her bottom lip as her eyes fixed on his mouth. “I gave up that fairytale a long time ago, Victor. Anyway, happy for now is more our speed.”

At that moment, all that mattered is that they both wanted and needed each other. Every part of her belonged to him, and his blackened heart would always belong to her.