Текст книги "Stalker "

Автор книги: Clarissa Wild

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

Never cross my parents. My mother is the worst of them; she’s usually the one behind all the drama. My father knows only ten percent of the things she does. I know because I asked him one time, and he acted like he didn’t know a thing about it. Of course, I do watch the news, and I know how to spot my father’s sponsors. I’ve met them many times, and I know their logos. It’s just so sad that they think they can hide their evil acts from me. It’s like they’re still trying to pretend they’re good, for me.

Except my mother has slowly been showing her true colors to me, like today. I’ve seen her behave like a wicked witch before. But she’s never threatened to hurt someone I like before.

It’s like she’s only nice to me when she wants something from me. In this case, it’s talking to some people. I’m sure there’s more to it than she’s letting me know.

She pushes me through the hallway and into the living room, where a couple is sitting on the couch, and, judging from their wrinkles and desperate attempts to hide them, they’re about the same age as my parents. A boy gets up from his seat across the room, smiling like an idiot when he sees me.

“Vanessa,” my mother says as the people stand up to greet me. “Meet the Starr’s.”

The boy is the first to grab my hand and shake it. “Hi, I’m Phillip.”

“Hi,” I say, a little unsure of what to do.

“You’re adorable. Just perfect for my little boy,” his mother says, and I shake her thin, bony hand.

His father pinches my cheek, making me cringe. “What a lovely girl.”

I pull on my mother’s sleeve, and she leans in to listen to my question. “What does she mean with ‘for my little boy?’”

My mother clears her throat. “Let’s go sit with our guests.”

The happy, anxious looks on their faces creep me out, as if they’re expecting some kind of performance from me. “Mother, who are these people?” I whisper as we all walk back to the couch.

“Don’t be rude, Vanessa. These people are important. They support your father’s campaign.”

“Oh …” I say. Not another one.

“Their boy is very nice. He even attends the same school you do.”

“My high school?” I ask, perplexed. “I’ve never seen him there before.”

“Well, he does, so I’m sure you two will be able to find each other now. You’ll grow fond of him, I’m sure.”

“Why? I don’t even know him yet. Hard to tell from here,” I say.

“You’ll get to know him soon enough, my dear. Better than you imagined.” She chuckles a little.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well,” she whispers as we sit down, “he’ll make an excellent husband for you.”

The fake smile plastered on my face cracks through the middle. I swallow, as I see the world and my future as I imagined it fading before my eyes. I wanted to go out and see the world, to kiss different boys and tell my girlfriends what it would be like, to marry the man of my dreams when I was ready, and to become an actress because that’s what I like to do. Those were my dreams.

And now my dreams have shattered in two.

As I stare out the window, listening to the endless chatter between the adults, I see a boy with a magnifying glass outside in the grass not far from our house. His dark eyes bore into mine as he stops, lifts his head, and gazes at me with a look that’s as much broken as mine.

My mother didn’t want him here on my birthday. Not once was I allowed to invite him inside. So I didn’t. I distanced myself from him. I wanted to protect him from her wrath. She’d kill him if she found out how I felt about him. She promised me that I could go out and spend some time with him later. I guess it was all a lie to make me do what she wanted. They all lie … and my mother is the worst of them all.

“C’mon, Vanessa,” my mother suddenly says, and she grabs my hand and pulls me up from the couch.

“Where are we going? I thought we had guests,” I say as she pulls me to another room.

“Yes, but we have to discuss something.”

“Now?”

“Now.” Her command brings chills to my bones. She’s so angry sometimes that it scares me. I can never please her, but now it seems as if she wants to skin me alive.

As she stops near a window, she taps her foot and looks at me as if I’m supposed to say something. I don’t know what she wants, so I continue staring out the window instead. Miles is there, and I love looking at him from afar. Sometimes I wish I could just leave my body where it was and fly out into the world without her ever noticing.

“What are you looking at?” my mother says. “That boy again?”

I nod, still a little absent in my mind.

“Stop. This is the last time you’ll ever speak or even think about him again.” Her pointy nail tilts my head, forcing me to look at her. “You will focus all your attention on Phillip and his parents. They deserve it. That boy out there? He doesn’t …” She leans in. “And if I find out that you’re hanging out with him, I’ll come and get rid of him myself. Is that understood?”

The implications in her statement make me shiver.

“Yes, Mother,” I say, tears welling up in my eyes.

Her nail scratches me as she lets go of my chin. “Good girl. I promise you that it’ll all be worth it.” She smiles, a light, high-noted chuckle coming from her mouth. “Soon, you’ll forget all about that filth. Phillip and his family have so much more to offer. Did you know that his father owns a directing company? And he’s going to give it all to Phillip when the boy is twenty. Can you imagine the kind of wealth he’ll have?”

She bends over and places a hand on my shoulder. “It could all be yours. So behave like a real lady and make that boy feel like he needs you more than anything else in this world. Make him believe you’re God’s gift to man … just like I did when I met your father.”

She licks her lips. “You’ll see … eventually, all your dreams will come true. All good things come to those who wait.”

I nod, believing what she says to be true. I know my mother, and I don’t want to see Miles get hurt. I guess it’s for my own good … as well as his. Any price is worth it when it comes to dreams.

But she’s not talking about my dreams. They are hers.

***

Present

I should’ve known Miles … Phoenix would come to hate me for pulling away. It was in both our interests, but it broke my heart. I reckon it destroyed his confidence. I never told him why I did what I did. Why he wasn’t allowed at the party. Why my parents hated him. Why I couldn’t be with him, despite what my heart was telling me.

It was for the best, even though listening to my mother turned me into a conniving bitch. I did what I had to do to survive. To save him and myself.

Too bad he didn’t see it that way.

And now I must pay the price.

CHAPTER 13

PHOENIX

With eyes filled with tears, she gazes up at me from her prison, the agonizing look on her face a delicious treat.

“Tell me that she’s okay,” she says. “You have what you want now.”

I don’t believe her fakery. Her interest in her assistant is so unbelievable that it makes me want to laugh out loud. She doesn’t care whether the girl lives. She never cares for anyone but herself.

At least, that’s what I remember. Vanessa Starr always chooses what’s right for her instead of anyone else, even if it means hurting others. She and her whole family … they only cared about money, about power.

Except that none of them knows what real power is. Not if you have to acquire it by lying and manipulating. That’s not power. That’s a sneaky, snake-like way to worm your way into wealth. It won’t provide you with real power once the hunters come to catch you and put you in a cage, so you can never hurt anyone again. You know who has the real power? The hunter.

Me.

“You want me to tell you? Guess what? No,” I say, rubbing the gauge in my ear.

She frowns. “I hate you.”

“Good. Let’s keep it that way,” I say, smiling.

“You know; I never wanted to hate you, but you’ve actually accomplished that now. Good job,” she sneers.

“I’m better when I’m bad, sweet cheeks. It’s what makes me me.” I grab a cigarette from my pocket and light it up. “You don’t mind if I smoke in here, do you?”

She makes a face but doesn’t respond. Bitch.

It didn’t always used to be this way. There was once a time when I believed that she liked me. Hell, I even thought she was into me, in more ways than one. Fuck, what an idiot I was, believing a woman like her.

“You’ll never get away with this,” Vanessa says, still jerking on the bars as if they will loosen. They won’t budge; I’ve tested them myself quite thoroughly.

“Just you watch.” I take a much-needed drag.

“Once they realize that Paige has gone missing, her family will come looking for her,” she says. “And they’ll direct the police to my house first.”

I chuckle and walk toward her cage while taking a drag. She doesn’t back away this time, holding onto the bars as if she thinks she can win this. She doesn’t seem to realize that she already lost the moment she betrayed me.

“Do you honestly think she has family? Have you ever even asked?”

“Well …” she swallows. “Who doesn’t?”

I smile. “She doesn’t have anyone but herself. And now she has no one.”

I love the look on her face, those big eyes, the utter shock. I blow the smoke out in Vanessa’s face, causing her to cough.

Vanessa doesn’t need to know the girl is still alive, albeit stuffed into a closet like a wrapped-up doll. The only reason I didn’t kill the girl was because Vanessa promised to do everything I wanted without protest. It makes it that much easier to exact my revenge. That and maybe I took a pity on the girl. Or not. I’m just a man of my word. Honor means a lot to me, which is also the reason I could fuck Vanessa into oblivion because she has none.

Honor means shit to her, so she means shit to me.

Just like everyone else in this world.

Nothing gets to me. Nothing.

I don’t allow anyone to come close, and I don’t allow myself to feel whatever it is she’s trying to make me feel with those crocodile tears. I’m emotionless. A killer with no remorse.

And it’s all because of her.

Women … they’re only good for breaking.

I throw the cigarette on the floor and stomp it out.

“So … are you comfy in there?” I ask to tease her.

“Fine,” she replies. Short and snappy, just the way I like it.

“You don’t seem fine.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when a stalker locks you up and kills your lovers.”

“Who said anything about killing both of them? I don’t know what happened to Arthur.”

“And you don’t give two shits to go find out,” she adds.

“Indeed.” I wink. “I have my hands full right now, sorry.”

“With teasing and using me. Wow, so busy.” She does a fake yawn and continues to stare at me. “Tell me … do you enjoy killing people?”

“Actually, yes, I do.” I smile.

“Funny, because I don’t remember you that way.”

“Then you remember wrong,” I say, tapping on the cage to annoy her. “I’ve always been a violent fuck.”

“That I do remember.”

I look down into her cage. “That’s what you get for hanging out with people like you.”

Out of nowhere, she bangs on the cage. “It’s your own fault for becoming a murderer. Not mine.”

“Oh, yeah? Last I checked, I wasn’t the only murderer in this house.”

“Don’t you dare blame it all on me again.”

I narrow my eyes, grabbing the bars tight as I look her deep in the eyes. “You know it’s the fucking truth. You’re a killer just as I am. You might not look it, but you’re certainly rotten in the core.” I point at my chest for emphasis. “Just like a bad apple.”

“Why did they have to be killed? Why?”

“Who? Your lovers?” I say, laughing a bit. “As if you didn’t want them dead,” I growl. “Don’t. Lie. To. Me.”

“Was it all for the money?”

“Phillip’s kill was, although you probably won’t believe me,” I say, as I start pacing around the room, wondering what I’m going to do next now that I have her. The possibilities are infinite; my creativity, however, is not.

“What about Arthur?”

“He was in the way. He was out of luck.”

I sit down on a chair in the corner and look at her fall apart. I love this conversation. It brings her closer to insanity with each sentence I speak.

She swallows. “It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?”

“To you it is, as well, except I don’t lie to myself. You do,” I say.

She makes a face, and I can tell that she’s biting on her cheeks to stop herself from calling me names. Good. She’s starting to learn what happens when she pisses me off.

“Arthur was innocent. He didn’t have to get involved in this.”

“You involved him the moment you kissed him. It was disgusting.” Her eyes widen, so I add, “Yeah, I saw all of that … thing you did.” I circle my finger in the air. “In his house.”

“You’ve been spying on us,” she says.

“You were going to tell the police about me. Of course, I was spying on you,” I say, entwining my fingers.

She sits back and raises an eyebrow. “Or how about this … you were jealous of him, so that’s why you decided to take revenge now.”

My eyes narrow, and I grind my teeth in frustration. How dare she suggest such a thing? Fucking narcissistic bitch.

“I know it’s the truth,” she muses.

“Shut up!” I yell, jolting up from my seat.

“Mad, Nix?”

I cock my head, rage flowing through my veins. “What did you call me?”

“Nix … Suiting nickname, don’t you think?”

I run to her, growling, causing her to cower in a corner as I jerk on the bars. “That name is not for you.”

“Oh, then who is it for?” she muses, smiling so wickedly that I want to go in there and fuck those lips until she can no longer smile.

“People I can trust,” I sneer. “And you’re not one of them.”

“Says the guy who hurts people who are innocent.”

“You’re no saint either, missy,” I hiss.

“I’m not the one involving Arthur or Paige,” she says, leaning forward and grabbing the cage to taunt me.

“Arthur involved himself.”

“Just because I live with him doesn’t mean he’s part of this shit.”

“Arthur threatened my property, so I had to get rid of him.”

“Property?” she chides.

I reach in and grab her by the throat. “You. Are. Mine.”

“Just because you’re keeping me in a cage doesn’t make me yours,” she says, coughing.

“I own you now. I can do whatever I want,” I hiss, letting go of her.

“To belong to someone means loving them,” she says.

I lean in further, smirking. “You once loved me. I can make you do it again.”

“You wish …” she says, shaking her head. “I never loved you to begin with.”

The snarl on her face makes me want to cut her throat. I smack the bars to scare her. “I don’t believe you.”

“Believe what you want.”

Fuck her. She’s trying to get under my skin, but I won’t let her.

I get up and pace around, concentrating on the fact that I hate her to death, instead of the fact that she’s trying to taunt me to end her suffering sooner.

“As if I could ever love a monster like you now,” she mutters.

The more she speaks, the deeper she cuts into my skin.

Fuck!

I pick up a chair and throw it at the wall, making her crawl back into a corner.

“Do you want me angry? Because I’ll fucking give you anger you’ve never seen before.”

“Go ahead,” she sneers. “It’s not like I’m going to stay here forever. Might as well end it quickly.”

“As if I’ll allow that,” I spit. “But I’ll fucking tear you to pieces and keep your heart pumping with my own bloody hands if I have to.”

“So much rage … wow,” she muses. “No wonder it’s come down to this.”

“You have yourself to thank for this,” I say, pointing at her.

“And what about Arthur? Who does he have to thank?”

“Himself,” I growl.

“Excuse me?” she says, frowning.

“You heard me,” I say, the left side of my lip curving up into a devious smile. “You think he’s innocent? He’s as innocent as you are. That’s right.”

“What do you mean?” she asks, grabbing the bars again.

“What? You think he’s a good man?” I put my finger on my temple. “Think again, Princess. I can see the bruises on your face and your arms.”

She covers the spots with her hands, a flush appearing on her cheeks. “Just because we fight sometimes doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.”

I make a face. “Are you kidding me? How blind have you become?” I take a step toward her. “You think he’s sweet? Or are you just ignoring all the bad things in your life?”

“What bad things? Yes, I know he’s controlling, but he cares about me,” she says.

“No, he doesn’t fucking care about you! No one does! See, and this is the thing, you don’t see it.”

Tears well up in her eyes, but I continue anyway. She has to hear this. It’s time to break the façade she’s put up for herself and make her face the truth. “You wanna be fake? You’ll get fake. Fake friends, fake boyfriends, and a fake life. Arthur was just as fake as you are.”

“How would you know?” she asks, wincing as if I’m lying. Or she just doesn’t want to hear the truth.

“He isn’t a good guy, Princess. He wasn’t just there to comfort you. He was there to steal your heart, so you’d give him part of your inheritance.”

“No …” She shakes her head. “I don’t believe it.”

“It’s the fucking truth. I know you don’t trust me, but lying is the last thing on this earth I’ll ever do. Especially when it comes to you because I want to make you see the truth in your own lies.” I take out my phone and scroll through my messages. “Prepare for the blow, Princess.”

“For what blow? You want me to believe that Arthur was just after my money?”

“It’s the only reason he wanted to be close to you. After his brother, Phillip, died, there was nothing in his way.”

She continues to shake her head, trembling from top to bottom as I hold out my phone for her to look at. The message is clear. There’s a bounty on her head, sent directly from one of my employers.

“I’m a hired killer. Guess who asked to get you killed?”

“No … it can’t be,” she says, her face darkening by the second.

“Yes, sweet cheeks. That request came from Arthur. He didn’t just want your money. He wanted you dead.”

CHAPTER 14

VANESSA

My mind and my heart feel like they’re exploding. My lip quivers and a yowling sound emanates from my mouth, a sound so vile that it’s unfamiliar to me, and it makes me want to lash out at Phoenix.

“This is the truth, Princess. The cold, hard truth.”

“How … How could he?” I mumble, still in shock from what I’m seeing.

A text on Phoenix’s cell phone clearly shows a new assignment from someone who hires him. Someone who wants me dead. And that someone is named Arthur Starr.

“Because of the money, Vanessa. It’s all around you. Can’t you smell it? This place reeks of blood money. You know what it can do to people. Look at you. You’re a prime example.”

I sniff, pushing away the impending tears. “I am not like that.”

“Oh, really?” He glances at his cell phone and then back at me. “So that’s why someone wants you dead. Because you’re such a nuisance.”

“Arthur was … different.”

“No, he just pretended to be so he could try and get you to go down easily. It was always about the money. You married into fortune, he wanted it, and he couldn’t wait any longer.”

“Is that why you’re here?” I ask.

“No, I got this text after I arrived at your place. Rather convenient, don’t you think? I guess they knew where I was headed.”

“Who is they?”

“The people I work for,” he muses. “Not that it matters to you.”

“But why would he want me dead? He’s part of the Starr family. It was their money, not mine.”

“And you got it because you married Phillip,” he says. “And then I killed him, so his fortune became yours.”

“So Arthur actually wanted Phillip’s life … the company … he wanted to marry me,” I mutter. Everything is clicking into place.

“Except you didn’t.”

“I had no choice,” I say looking directly into Phoenix’s eyes. “You think I even had the right to make a decision? I wasn’t allowed to pick who I married, Phoenix. Open your eyes. I’m not the only one blind to the fucking truth!”

His lips part, but nothing comes out. He just stands there motionless. I wonder what he’s thinking. Maybe he finally realizes that, even though I married into wealth, it was not my choice.

“You could have said no,” he says. His resolve is cracking. His true emotions are flowing through.

“And then what? Do you think my mother would’ve let me?” I say. His emotions are like the notes of a piano, and I am an expert at playing.

“Who gives a shit about your mother!” Phoenix yells, almost crushing his cell phone.

“I do! And she threatened you!” I yell back.

This shuts him up completely.

The cell phone drops from his hand, and he blinks a couple of time, before picking it up again.

He clears his throat and licks his lips. I guess the cat’s out of the bag now. I didn’t want to tell him, but my circumstances now require that I do. Telling him means he’ll know why I gave him up and why I chose someone else over him. Now that he knows, it’s much easier for him to accept me as I’ve become. Yes, I am a lying, conniving bitch, but I didn’t choose to be this way.

And now he knows the truth.

Good. It makes it that much easier to play with his emotions until he finally admits that even though he says he hates me to death, he still has feelings for me. I know he does, I can see it. I could feel it in the way he kissed me.

It was just like how I remember.

How we used to be.

Before everything turned to ruin.

Suddenly, he starts rummaging in his bag and takes out the duct tape. He storms toward me and rips off a piece with his teeth.

“No, don’t,” I say, shaking my head, but then he sticks it on my mouth.

“You talk too much,” he says.

I try to speak, but it all sounds like muffled groans. He puts his finger in front of my mouth. “You watch that pretty mouth of yours, before I fuck it.”

Then he gets up and turns around. He doesn’t even grant me one more look before waltzing out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

***

Age 15

Things have been going downhill quickly ever since Miles kissed me. My friends saw it and told my parents. It’s no wonder that my mother didn’t want me to see him again. It must be the reason she invited Phillip to meet me.

Of course, my parents also punished me. I was on house arrest with no phone, no internet, and no friends. It was a living hell. I hate being confined to my room with only my homework to look at. It’s like my parents don’t want me to have a social life at all. They want me to put my future first, and do everything in my power to be successful. It’s not fair, though. Maybe I don’t want to be what they want me to be, but I don’t even have a choice. They are forcing me to fit into the mold they want me to fit. I can’t be myself, so how am I supposed to learn what I need?

I can’t … which makes it impossible to be around Miles. He doesn’t understand. I thought I could be friends with him, but my parents are making it impossible, and I don’t even know what I want anymore. For once, I just want people to be happy with me. To be someone my parents can be proud of, so they’ll finally have something positive to say about me. To be something.

And to be something, I have to work hard. I have to study fast. I have to become someone I want to be, and for that I need power. At least, that’s what my parents always say. Study hard and work hard because then you have power, and power means you can do whatever you want in this world.

So, power it is.

I guess they feel like Miles would be in the way of that. They want him gone. They want me to lie to him. Heck, they want me to lie to everyone because that’s just the way our family is. Lie to everyone to soften the blow and get whatever you desire.

And the worst part of it all is that they force me to lie, and now, I’ve started doing it without their instructions. It’s like it’s been glued inside my brain.

I hate that they’re trying to make me part from Miles, although I do understand why. He doesn’t exactly bring a healthy mindset to the table. He keeps rebelling, while I’m trying to conform to the rules, and it’s ripping us apart. Even though we were once so close, I have no idea what to do with him now.

Every day I watch him stand with his friends, in the hallways, outside, in the playground, and I wonder what in the hell he’s doing with his life. Smoking. Drinking. He’s even gotten tattoos and piercings now. Just looking at him can make me boil. I don’t know why it makes me so angry, but it does. I want so much more for him. He deserves so much better than this, and I don’t understand why he won’t give himself a chance. It’s like he’s already given up.

Well, just because my parents won’t allow me to be friends with him, doesn’t mean I can’t try when they’re not around. Nobody has to know. I just wish Miles would understand it without me having to literally tell him what’s going on in my family.

I walk to him as he stands by the lockers and pluck the cigarette from his hand, throwing it in the garbage.

“What the …” he says.

“What are you doing?” I say.

“Why do you care?” he asks. His friends start laughing.

“Because I do. And so should you.” I frown.

He turns his back toward his friends so he can talk more quietly with me. “And you think I don’t?”

“No, if you did, you wouldn’t be out here smoking and … adorning yourself.”

He raises his eyebrows as he points at the piercing in his lip. “Oh, you mean this?”

“Yeah, and whatever else you’re doing to yourself. I don’t understand why. Is it some sort of cry for attention?”

He chuckles. “Now you’re really starting to push my buttons. Be careful there, Princess.”

“Princess?” I wince. “Seriously?”

He leans forward. “Yeah, because you’re acting like a stuck-up princess. I just call it like it is.”

I shake my head. “I can’t believe this.”

“What? That I’m not like you? That I care less about studying and more about my friends? That I don’t try to make anyone but myself happy?”

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

He places his hand on the locker in a way that overwhelms me a little, making me want to shrink in his presence. “Oh, really? Then what are you doing? Because it sure seems like you’re trying to mold me into someone you can be friends with.”

“I’m not trying to mold you—”

He grabs my arm and pins me to the locker. “Listen, Princess. I’m not a toy you can play with.”

“You’re not—”

“Shh.” He places his finger on my lips. “Stop trying to convince me to be like you. It won’t work. I’ll never be like that. You can forget about it. And if that’s what it takes to be your friend, then I can’t be your friend.”

I frown, my lips parting. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “What? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Tears well up in my eye, but I blink them away. “I can’t believe you’re saying this.”

He grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Look at me.” He lifts his shirt and shows me the tattoo on his chest. It’s some sort of bird with a skull in the middle. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up just looking at it. Why is he doing this? And more importantly, how? It’s illegal at our age, so some questionable joint must’ve done it. I shouldn’t care, but I do. I care a lot.

“Does this look like something you want to see?”

“I don’t mind …” I shrug. “I just think you’re focusing on the wrong things.”

“I’m focusing on what I want.” He leans in, placing his other hand above my head and trapping me. “Maybe you should do the same once in a while. It’s much healthier.”

“Are you suggesting that I’m not doing what’s healthy for me? Because those piercings are obviously proof of your knowledge,” I sneer.

“Hmm …” He smiles, and his tongue dips out to lick his piercing, which causes goosebumps to appear all over my body. I’m transfixed by the way he tugs on it, and it makes me want to touch it. Goddammit.

“You know what I think? I think you’re just jealous,” he muses.

“Jealous?” I say, shocked. “Of what?”

“Of the fact that I can do whatever the hell I please, and you’re stuck doing what Mommy and Daddy demand.”

That’s it. He’s gone and done it now. Rage is filling up my veins, and before I know it, my fist is right up in his face, making contact.

For a moment, all the people in the hallway stop in their tracks, and I have a feeling they’re all looking at us. Nobody flinches, not even Miles himself. As I take my fist off him, I turn around and run into the nearest bathroom.

Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. I can’t believe I just did that.

I stare into the mirror, wondering what in the hell is wrong with me. Why in the hell did I do that? Why do I let him piss me off so much?

I turn on the faucet and splash some of the water on my face before wiping it off with a clean towel.

Someone knocks on the door, and I look up and wait. My heart is pounding when I hear his voice.

“Vanessa … please come out.”

I don’t know what to say because nothing is an excuse for what I did. And yet, I’m too terrified to go out there because I fear he’ll hit me back.

I don’t know why I’d think that, but somehow, I do. Maybe it’s because of that redheaded kid he beat up, the one trying to bully us. Something about Miles makes me cower, and that’s not me at all. I always feel on top of my game, except when I look at him. When I do, all I see is hurt, fear, anxiety, and above all, anger. It’s like he could lash out at any time. This fear has me in its grasp. Almost as if it has power over me.

I can’t let it win.

I straighten my back and pat down my clothes before I walk out the door right when the bell rings.

Miles just stands there, his eyebrows almost touching each other, his chest going up and down as he heaves, probably attempting to calm himself down as he always does.

I swallow away the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Don’t be. I had it coming.” He narrows his eyes. “We both know this isn’t working.”

“Yeah …” I say, still leaning against the door as if it’s going to provide me with protection.

“But here’s the thing. I don’t want to stop being friends with you,” he says, making me hold my breath. “I’m trying to be myself and be worthy of your friendship.”

“But you are …” I mutter.

“No.” He takes a step forward. “That’s the whole point. I’m never going to be good enough.”

“What? How can you say that about yourself?”

“Look at us,” he shouts. “Look at your grades, all A’s. Now look at mine … I’m glad if I can get a C.”

“But I know you can do so much better,” I say, cocking my head. “I can help you.”

“No, you can’t. It’s not what you do; it’s what I can’t do.” There’s a certain pain in his voice; it stings so badly that it hurts my soul.

“But—”