Текст книги "Whisper to Me"

Автор книги: Christina Lee

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Chapter Thirty Rachel

I had trouble sleeping all night. Not only because of what had gone down between Kai and me, but also because I had a killer headache and felt like I was going to vomit. Which may have been caused by Kai as well. Or maybe just too much wine.

I never thought I’d feel worlds apart from him like I had hours ago. Everything felt so jumbled in my brain. I wanted to be close to him in all possible ways, but maybe it was just as well that we got back to our roots—to just being friends.

I knew without question he’d always be there for me. He’d always have my back. I needed to get over this . . . this . . . whatever this was. It felt like I had the flu—dizzy, feverish, and nauseous. I must have had the mother of all crushes. What other explanation could there have been?

Nate and Jessie had taken off that night, as had Shane. But Dakota had slept in my bed so that Avery and Bennett could use her room. Ella and Quinn insisted on sleeping on an inflatable mattress on the living room floor.

I’d had Dakota to contend with as soon as I had walked through the door. Apparently, she had quite the conversation with Ella and Avery about me on the way home. She’d asked about what I’d been up to the last couple of years. We’d had a hushed argument as I tried to be honest and make her understand that I wasn’t trying to shut her out—I’d been trying to shut me out.

I groaned as I attempted to open my eyes. The sunlight filtering through the blinds was too bright, the wind was whistling too loud, and I wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to lift my head.

All the colors in the room seemed to blend together in a vivid halo of light as pain slashed across my head and neck. I shifted onto my side and realized that Dakota was no longer next to me. The strong odor wafting beneath the door was coffee, and I suddenly couldn’t tolerate the smell any longer.

I moaned loudly, my trembling hands grasping my stomach, and then threw up over the side of the bed. Chill bumps like sharp icicles jabbed every square inch of my body as I shook violently. Something was seriously fucking wrong.

I called out for the person I wanted, needed by my side. The person I was certain would take care of me. “Kai . . . please help me.”

And then the room went dark.

* * *

I’ll take care of you, Turtle. Please don’t leave me.

My eyes opened in a blur of colors and sounds. The beeping of a machine, the hum of the ceiling light, the scratchy cotton material at my collarbone.

Fear slammed into me like a locomotive train when I realized I was once more lying in a hospital bed. My chest constricted painfully, panic slicing through my veins—my brain might have been damaged all over again.

My hand shot up to my hair. Despite the sudden relief that my arm still worked and my head wasn’t bandaged, I worried nonetheless about my ability to speak.

Asleep in a chair next to my bed, my mother looked fuzzy around the edges, bright in the middle. “Mo . . . Mom.” My voice was scratchy and my throat felt dry, but I sagged with relief.

My mother stirred and then slowly blinked open her eyes. Once she realized where she was, she shot straight up in her chair. “Rachel, baby. You’re awake.”

All I could do was nod. I was scared and overwhelmed and so very tired from the effort.

Other memories flashed through my brain. The pain at the base of my skull, the powerful tremors. Vomiting on the floor in my bedroom.

She reached over and stroked my forehead. “Looks like your fever broke.” My skin felt clammy and my hospital gown seemed damp.

Mom pushed the red button near the bed to signal for a nurse. “Your father and Kai left to get us decent coffees. The cafeteria version tastes more like tea. You know how your dad likes his caffeine strong and pricey.”

“Kai?” I squeaked out.

“Yes, honey. He and Dakota have been here all week,” she said, now caressing my cheek. “Your other friends had to go back home.”

My gaze swept across the window. I could usually guess the time of day by the shadows. It was a trick I’d learned during my last extended stay. “All week?”

“Technically, three days,” she said. “The doctor should be here any moment to give us the results of your scan.”

That’s what I’d been afraid of. I tried to steady my voice. “Am I . . . is it my brain again?”

“Honey, you developed meningitis,” she said, relief evident in her eyes as she delivered this news. “The reason you had a seizure is because of the swelling in your brain.”

I sucked in a breath and squeezed my eyes shut. No, not this again.

“Are they going to have to operate?” My voice tripped over the words.

“No, sweetie. Absolutely not. Antibiotics took care of the infection,” she said. “You had a high fever, so you’ve been out of it for a couple of days.”

I opened my eyes—they felt bruised from the effort.

“The doctor assured us you’d recover quickly,” she said, squeezing my hand. “The meningitis could’ve been a long-term complication from your head injury. Or it might’ve just been a coincidence.”

My mother’s voice was strong and sure, but I could see the fear behind her eyes. “We knew certain risks still existed. But you’re going to be just fine.”

I nodded in relief and asked for a drink of water.

As she reached for the cup and pitcher, I remembered the dream I’d been having just prior to waking up. It had felt so real.

Kai’s mouth had been close to my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck. And then he’d kissed my head and whispered something. Something so amazing, it had to have been a dream.

Intimate and private. Words for me and me alone.

I’m falling for you, Rachel. And I don’t know how to stop.

Heat crept across my cheeks at the memory. Would I truly have wanted to hear those words? Since when had my innocent crush transformed into something real? Something more intense than anything I’d ever felt in my life?

The realization that I had fallen in love with Kai was so raw, so visceral, I felt it deep in my gut. It was so commanding that I pulled my knees toward my chest, my muscles stiff and aching from the effort.

Kai was an essential part of my life. As central as the very air I breathed.

The door pushed open, and I sucked in a harsh breath, afraid that it would be Kai. That he’d see the glow hidden beneath my depths. The underpinnings of truth awakening in my brain. My heart dusting itself off, glinting, reaching. For the luminescent stars. For all that was exquisitely him.

But it was a nurse who’d stepped inside the room.

“She’s awake.” She was short and stout and had a friendly face. “Let me take your vitals.”

My mother held the cup of water to my lips and I drank greedily. So parched, so thirsty. Not necessarily for water. But for something else. Someone else.

As the nurse took my temperature, Kai swung through the door, followed by my dad.

“Look who decided to join us this morning,” my mother said.

Kai gave me a sweet, lopsided grin as his face went through a series of emotions. Relief, joy, affection. His gaze fixed to mine, he stepped aside, allowing my father to reach me first.

“Good morning, baby girl,” my father said, grasping my hand.

“Hi, Daddy,” I said, my voice trembling and unsteady. Just like my heart.

I could feel Kai’s gaze like a thick rope tethering us together, despite the nurse stepping in his line of sight to write in the chart.

“It’s all gonna be fine, honey,” my father said.

I nodded. “Sorry if I gave you a scare.”

He reached down to hug me.

My mom was in the corner of the room speaking to the nurse. My father moved to the side table to pour cream and sugar into his large cup of Starbucks coffee.

Kai sat down on the edge of my bed and wound his fingers through mine. I instantly felt calm. Comforted. Safe. “How you doing, Turtle?”

“I’m okay,” I said, letting out a deep breath.

I suddenly realized that being asleep for three days might not have been a great look on me and began smoothing my hair with my fingers. “But I must look like hell.”

He reached for my hand to still my fingers and shook his head. “You always look pretty, Turtle.”

I realized whatever I was trying to do would be of no use anyway. He had already seen me at my worst. “What happened, Kai?”

“I don’t know exactly,” he said. “I heard you scream my name and when I got to your room, you were on the floor. Your body was convulsing.”

“Shit,” I said.

“Avery rushed into the room and told us you were having a seizure,” he said. Thank God we’d had a nurse in the condo. “She told us to protect your head from bashing into anything until it was over.”

“Oh my God,” I said. I reached my hand to cover my mouth and the IV line yanked painfully at my skin.

“It was freaking scary,” he said, meeting my eyes. “Dakota ran to call nine-one-one, but I just picked you up and carried you to my truck.”

“You drove me to the hospital?” I asked, my eyebrows climbing to my hairline.

His fingers tugged through his hair. “I wasn’t about to wait around.”

“Thank you, Kai,” I said, and he squeezed my hand.

The doctor swept into the room with his white coat and a thick Indian accent.

“Everything checked out fine,” he said in the brusque way I’d become accustomed to after so many doctors. “You’ll be discharged tomorrow, provided you continue on your course of antibiotics. You need to rest and allow your body to recover for another few days. And be sure to make a follow-up appointment with your primary care physician.”

“That’s it?” I asked, still on guard. Afraid to let my defenses down. Surrounded by my fears and anxieties and doubts.

“Yes,” he said. “Meningitis is a fairly treatable condition and certainly can develop in patients who’ve experienced traumatic brain injury. You can resume normal activities as soon as you feel up to it.”

He stepped out into the hall, and my parents followed behind to ask more questions.

“Good news,” Kai said, pulling out his phone. “I’ll text Dakota. She’ll call your friends—they’re waiting to hear, too.”

“I can’t believe this happened.” My hand reluctantly released his fingers to allow him to use his phone. “The doctor made it sound like I just had the flu or something.”

“Amazing how life throws you curve balls.” His eyes flicked to mine and then away. God, he was handsome, with his dark jeans and snug white shirt that illuminated his eyes.

“I bet you ten bucks my parents try to convince me to stay home and commute to classes somewhere else this fall,” I said, my voice scratchy and unsure. Would Kai want that, too?

“I think I’d lose that bet in a heartbeat,” he said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’re just going to have to convince them that you need to get back to your routine as soon as possible.”

I nodded. My parents were sure to worry and resume their vigilant check-ins.

“So now that you’re back in the land of the living, do you have any requests?” he asked, a devastating grin lifting his cheeks and overwhelming all of my senses.

Shit, how in the hell was I supposed to get over him? Returning to college would definitely be the first step. I needed distance from him as soon as possible.

“A hot shower and a toothbrush, for starters,” I said. “God, how out of it was I? I had all these wild fever dreams.”

“Yeah, like what?” He brought his ankle to his knee as if settling in for a good story.

“I don’t know. Just crazy stuff. You were in one of them.” As soon as the words were out, I wanted to take them back. But still, I needed to know. To look in his eyes when I said it out loud. “Like, we were alone and you were . . . whispering to me.”

At first he looked confused and then stricken and finally his expression settled into something unreadable. “You were definitely in and out of consciousness and mumbling stuff. Your parents were here around the clock, so maybe you were . . . hearing them.”

“Probably,” I said, trying to keep the harsh disappointment out of my voice.

His eyes stayed on mine, his lips pursed as if words were hanging there, ready to be said. But then the moment was lost as my parents swept back inside the room.

Kai stood up. “I’m headed up to the fifth floor to visit Micah.”

I’d forgotten about Kai’s promise to Sam. “Wish him well for me.”

Chapter Thirty-one Kai

I fiddled with the amp onstage. I was sitting in on Cameron’s jazz quartet tonight, and the casino was already full with family and friends and regulars. As we each tuned our instruments, I felt my mind wander back to Rachel.

It’s been three weeks since she had been discharged from the hospital, and I’d been terrified I’d lost her that day. When she’d told me about her dream, she might have been recalling her recovery time three years ago. I had whispered lots of things to her back then. We’d been alone quite a bit and my feelings for her had escalated during that time.

I’d wondered just how much she remembered. And I’d almost asked, but things had become awkward enough between us. So I decided that our friendship was more important. In some unspoken agreement we’d been working on it together—hanging out, watching movies, joking, and laughing.

The sexual tension was still a haunting presence, but we’d both done a good job of ignoring it. Besides, I couldn’t help treating her more like a delicate flower since her hospital scare, and she let me know, in her own way, that she didn’t appreciate it.

Her mom’s and dad’s worries were enough, and she didn’t need my reservations on top of that, she’d said. Wanting to take care of her, keep her safe, was becoming more of a struggle than I had ever imagined it would.

She was busy helping her mom with the Pure grand opening and would be leaving for school a couple of weeks after that. I knew she needed to be her own person again. And I was sure to be a complete wreck when she left. It was probably best that she wasn’t in my bed and in my arms any longer. For now, I just wanted to spend as much time with her as she would allow.

Plus, in some undeclared way, she was trying to redeem herself in Dakota’s eyes. I knew my sister had been shocked to hear about Rachel’s transformation at college—mostly hurt that Rachel had tapered contact with her under the pretense of being too busy. But I told her to get the hell over it and offer support to her best friend.

As a result, Dakota had been giving me the silent treatment for days on end, and the absence of her nagging voice had been pure bliss. In fact, it’d given me the time to practice for this event and to set up a strategy to bring good music into the casino. For the first time in a while, I felt as if I had direction in my life.

Tomorrow night, a pan-tribal band would be performing. With Dad’s permission, I booked some different acts this weekend and asked my parents to check out the line-up. They included tambourines and water drums in their set and even sang traditional Peyote songs. I figured Dad would get a kick out of that, as well as the employees and patrons here of Native American descent.

The past couple of weeks, security in the casino had been beefed up due to public drunkenness and an all-out brawl near the craps tables. Of course, that kind of shit came with the territory. This was a place for gambling and drinking, after all.

I wanted to show my father that he could attract different clientele on the weekends. An older or more mature crowd. Maybe couples who wanted a fun, luxurious night out.

The jazz quartet played instrumental numbers, and I’d sat in on a few practice sessions the past month to learn the tunes. We clicked as far as the music was concerned. But musicians could be temperamental no matter what—working in a recording studio had opened my eyes to that.

These guys were different. They weren’t trying to make it huge; they just wanted to tour and play music, and I appreciated that. There hadn’t been any jealousy between them, either. The keyboard player said I was one hell of a bass guitarist. I’d heard that compliment before, and it always made me feel good. But where would that get me, really? No doubt I could play in a few bands like I always had, but that didn’t pay the bills.

“Hey, Kai, before I forget . . .” Cameron came up close behind me as I plugged the power cord into the amp. “We have an appointment at Bixby Studios to record something for an upcoming tour.”

“Yeah?” I said, vaguely familiar with the business over in Carlton County. “That’s cool.”

“I know that mixing is your thing,” he said. My thing? Was anything really my thing? Some little bell went off in my brain. “Would you mind showing up—maybe hang out in the control room and tell us if we’re any good?”

“Dude, they already have their own sound engineers.” I checked the strings on my bass. “What the heck would you need me for?”

“I chewed the fat with Johan recently.” He sat down at his drum set to wait for the sound check signal. “He told me you were really good—a natural.”

“Johan?” My brain was having trouble catching up. “In Amsterdam?”

“Yeah, we’re heading back there in the fall,” he said, twirling a drumstick. “He feels bad, you know.”

I stopped fiddling with the equalizer on the amp. “About?”

He shrugged. “About losing you.”

“About losing me,” I said. What the hell? “Not about accusing me of something I hadn’t done?”

“Well, that, too,” he said, testing his kick petal. “But I don’t think he’s got the balls to admit it.”

“True. He didn’t seem to have any balls at all,” I said, gritting my teeth. “At least not when it came to his girlfriend.”

“He told me you were a brilliant sound guy,” he said. “That you got bands to push themselves, to make their demo shine.”

“That’s a cool compliment.” One that surprised me. Johan was always on my ass about one thing or another.

“Anyway, will you do it?” he asked, before giving the sound guy the thumbs up to begin the check. “Sit in on at least one number?”

I smirked, still thinking about Johan. Bloody bastard. “Sure.”

When I next looked up, Dakota, Shane, and Rachel were seated at a long table in the bar area. My parents headed from the direction of the office and greeted my sister and my friends. Mom hugged Rachel and sat down beside her.

I glanced away to play a few notes for the sound guy, but I felt Rachel’s gaze, so I looked up. It was apparent she and my mom were talking about me, gesturing, smirking, and laughing. I just grinned and shook my head.

A few minutes later, Cameron announced the first number, and I got lost in the music. That’s how it’d always been for me, no matter what kind of band I’d played in. It was like a release of endorphins and always so damn liberating.

The next time I looked out at the audience, the landscape had changed. The bar was packed and there were certainly more couples interspersed with the usual groups of rowdy guys and girls. My father seemed to be making the rounds, speaking to different tables. For all I knew, he was surveying them, asking if they were enjoying themselves.

When I searched for Rachel, my eyes immediately zeroed in on some dude in the seat next to her, running his mouth and motioning with his hands. I tried to keep my reaction neutral. I should have been surprised she hadn’t been hit on sooner. But maybe I’d been giving off a don’t-touch-her-she’s-mine vibe.

Dakota was watching me, so I motioned to Rachel and her admirer, and she wiggled her eyebrows. Must have been the co-worker she was talking about setting Rachel up with. I nodded my approval, even though it took everything in my power not to throw down my instrument and knock the dude on his ass.

Cameron leaned over to ask if I wanted to try out the tune I’d played for them in practice the other day. I’d written it during the sleepless nights in my room, instead of seeking out Rachel or smoking weed. I was the most sober I’d been probably in years and had written one of my favorite pieces in the process. Go figure. And though she’d never know it, I’d secretly named the song after Rachel.

“Sure,” I said. We had nothing to lose, playing something new in this venue. If you were a skilled musician, it was easy to cover up mistakes. You could adjust rather quickly, even if you hit a wrong note in the same scale.

I began by plucking the first few tones, and the band followed. My eyes stayed glued to my temporary band mates so they could follow my tempo changes if one of them strayed.

The song had more of a blues vibe to it, a bit of a departure for this band, but I could tell they liked it. It was earthy and soulful, and I even hummed a couple of words into the mic. The song was personal, only I knew the lyrics, but I thought we pulled it off pretty well.

It wasn’t until the number had finished and we stood to take a break between sets that I heard the applause. The bar was giving us a rousing hand, and my eyes landed on my father, whose face was lit up.

As I neared the table my family and friends were seated at, Shane clapped me on the back. “You guys sound good, man. Haven’t heard you play in years. Loved it.”

Dakota gave me a thumbs-up, and when my gaze clashed with Rachel’s, she had this faraway look in her eyes. The guy next to her was chattering away, but she wasn’t even paying attention to him. Her eyes were trained on me, which sent my stomach into a free fall.

Dakota broke in with introductions. “Kai, this is Andrew. He works in Accounts Payable.”

Andrew held out his hand, and I shook it. “Oh yeah, hey.”

He turned to say something to Shane, and my eyes landed on Rachel’s again.

“Proud of you, Kai.” Rachel held up her hand to give me a high five and my palm met hers in midair. She grabbed on to my hand and pulled me in for a hug.

In my ear, she whispered, “That’s the song you’ve been playing every night.”

“Yeah,” I said, surprised that she recognized it. It had been so long since we’d been this physically close; I just wanted to stay wrapped up in her—smell her skin and kiss her neck—but I pulled away instead. “What did you think?”

“It was amazing,” she said. “I like how you sang a bit of it, too. I never knew you had such a cool voice.”

I reveled in her compliments. I’d sing for her every night if she asked me to. “Thanks.”

Mom gave me a strange look as I left Rachel’s side. Then she blew me a kiss as I inched past her to the bar to order myself a drink.

Sam was seated on a stool next to my father and a few other off-duty casino employees.

“Nice job, son,” my father said, grabbing my shoulder. I knew our set probably sounded decent, but hearing my father say it had been exactly what I needed. “You’ve got us a good crowd tonight.”

When my father turned to talk to the bar manager, Sam said, “Yeah, you play a mean bass.”

“Thanks, Sam,” I said. “How’s Micah?”

Rachel had come to visit Micah with me the day she’d been discharged. Even though we had to wear masks, she sat and talked to him in the visitor’s lounge for a while about his interests, school, and friends. I could tell she’d felt as emotional about his condition as I had. He was a young kid and already had so much to deal with in his life. I could see the stress of his mounting medical bills on his family member’s faces.

“He’s having a good week,” Sam said.

“Glad to hear it,” I said, spotting a familiar face in my peripheral vision. It was Meadow from Housekeeping. She looked different in street clothes. Gorgeous, in fact, with her long hair, dark eyes, and sweet figure. Still, I craved Rachel’s scent and lips and eyes—which tonight were a leafy green, vivid and clear and pure.

As Meadow and I chatted, I couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder at Rachel, who had returned to her conversation with Andrew. I tried not to pay them any attention, but the heaviness of her presence was in this bar. The tension pricked at my spine and settled in my bones.

And maybe this was exactly how it was meant to be. Me, permitting Rachel the space and freedom to discover relationships with new guys. Just what Dakota had said she needed.

I’d allow Rachel that. She probably deserved it. So I’d play along and act interested in whatever Meadow had to say.