Текст книги "The House on Fever Street"

Автор книги: Celina Grace

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Bella smiled, fighting down her excitement.

“That would be great.”

The four of them walked back through the rapidly cooling night air, each couple holding hands. Back inside the house, Carl and Veronica turned into the lounge. Bella waited to see what Jake would do. He hesitated and then followed them. Bella hovered for a moment and then gave into the demands of her full bladder.

“Be back in a sec,” she whispered to Jake as he was turning away. She wasn’t sure he’d heard but she left him anyway, running lightly up the stairs to the first floor bathroom.

Relieved, she made her way back down more slowly, walking quietly, having kicked off her shoes. She put a hand out to the door of the lounge that stood just ajar and then stopped dead at the sound of the loud, angry voices within. Bella struggled with herself for a moment – took her hand away and took a step back – and then gave into temptation, moving closer to the door. She stood there holding her breath and straining her ears to hear what Carl and Jake were saying.

"You should have asked me. You should have asked us."

”Don't give me that." Jake's voice was harsher than she'd ever heard it. "How much asking did you do when V moved in here? Hey? Did you even bother to mention it to me before she turned up on the doorstep with all her bags packed?"

Carl laughed. "I didn't hear you complaining. You couldn't get her in the house quick enough."

"Fuck off."

Bella took a quick gasp of air in the moment of silence that followed.

"It's not good enough, Jake. You know what we said. It's only the three of us that need to be here, you know that."

"Yeah, well, that was something you decided for all of us, wasn't it?"

"What?"

"You heard me. You just went ahead and decided it for us, just like you decided everything else about that night -"

"Shut your mouth."

Carl said it slowly and distinctly. Bella found herself with one hand up to her mouth, biting her finger.

She heard Jake start to say something before Carl cut across him.

"This isn't it, Jake. This is not finished. But this isn't the time or the place to talk about it now. But I want you to know – no, shut up – I want you to know that this isn’t finished.”

There was another long beat of silence. Bella leaned forward, straining to hear something – anything. Then, at the sudden sound of footsteps approaching the door, she jumped and scurried back, skidding on the slippery tiled floor. She grabbed frantically at the banister and managed to right herself. As the door opened, she fled into the kitchen and began to open cupboard doors and bang tins about in the hope that they would think she’d been there all the time.

Chapter Eight

 

Bella opened her eyes to morning light. She stretched, wincing a little at the ache in her inner thighs. Involuntarily, she glanced over at Jake, cocooned in the duvet beside her, and put her arm around his waist, curling herself into his warm back.

"Morning," he said. She hadn't realised he was awake.

"Morning honey." She squeezed him gently. "You okay? You were thrashing around again last night. What on earth were you dreaming?"

Jake sighed. "I can't remember. Sorry if I woke you."

"Doesn't matter." She squeezed him again.

They lay for a moment in silence, Bella savouring the thought of the day to come. A beautiful sunny day, a whole long, luscious Sunday stretching in front of them. Perhaps they'd go for a walk on the Heath... perhaps Sunday lunch at The Vine? Not even the thought of her working day tomorrow could spoil the anticipation.

"What shall we do today?"

"Today?"

"Yes, today. What shall we do?"

Jake rolled over to face her. "Sorry babe, I forgot. I've – we've got to go and see my father. I completely forgot, sorry."

"Oh." Bella though for a moment, and then rallied. "Oh well, that's fine. I'm looking forward to meeting him."

"No, I mean – " Jake frowned and looked away. "When I said 'we', I meant, me and Carl. Just us."

"Oh."

Bella felt her stomach drop. It felt as if her intestines had taken a sudden swoop floorwards. What was she supposed to say?

Jake held out his arms. "I am sorry, babe. It's just – look, it's difficult, with Dad. I'll tell you about him some other time. It's just not the right time to introduce you, believe me."

Bella put her head on his chest. For a moment, she was afraid she'd start to cry. It felt like such a rejection, that he wouldn't even introduce her to his family...

"Come here. Come on – "

Jake pulled her upwards to kiss her. She let him start to touch her, made herself move and touch him back. This time, she kept her eyes closed and tried to fight down the humiliation rising like steam inside her.

She thought she'd feel better once he'd actually left but instead she felt worse. It was every party that she'd not been invited to, all over again – it was every game she'd not been picked for, every time she'd been left out. She wandered around the ground floor rooms, listlessly picking things up and replacing them, unseeing. At one point, she'd heard footsteps on the stairs – Veronica – and felt a sudden lightness of spirit, thinking she'd have someone to talk to. But the footsteps had simply crossed the hall and were replaced by the slam of the front door as Veronica left the building. Bella drooped again. For the first time since she'd moved to London, she felt lonely.

She took a long shower and dressed slowly, filling up the time. Brushing her hair, she wondered what to do. I don't know anyone in London, apart from the people in this house, she thought and felt the loneliness tighten its grip. Well, there’s always Dad of course… For a moment, she thought about making a visit to her father’s house and then as quickly dismissed it. His girlfriend Meredith would be bound to be there and it would just be too awkward and embarrassing… She wandered vaguely down the stairs and let her feet take her through the kitchen and out through the back door.

The garden was enormous. There was no other word for it. Bella stood on the terrace and gazed about her, at the long sweep of meadow that had once been a lawn, the beech tree that reared its copper-topped head into the sky, the dark tangle of undergrowth in the distance.

The concrete post that supported one end of the fence had crumbled.  Lumps of concrete had rotted from the rusted metal pole within, leaving the whole looking oddly like a modern art sculpture. The grass was as long as a hay field and it bent and flowed and gently rippled with the push of the wind. Bella waded out into it as into a green sea and stood for a moment. What a huge garden and what a waste of space… Looking around she could see the garden that it once had been, the ghost of the garden it was now. Over by the fence were the almost buried outlines of ancient flowerbeds, there an overgrown path, there a clump of bamboo. Further down the garden brambles and shrubs tangled themselves together, the earth showing dark beneath them. Almost hidden behind that, Bella spotted the wall of what looked like a garden shed. She began to walk towards it but quickly stopped, cursing as the thorns of a straggling rose caught her leg and beaded it with blood.

She retreated back to the relative safety of the patio, dabbing at her calf. The sun was blindingly bright, warm across the back of her neck, burning her scalp. I need sunglasses and sun cream, she thought and walked back to the kitchen.

"Your garden really is enormous," she said to Jake when he got home from his familial visit. They were sitting in the living room, curled around one another on the sofa. Jake had kicked off his shoes, stretched himself like a cat and drawn her into his arms. They were happy, relaxed, flirtatious with each other but at the mention of the garden, he stiffened, the muscles of his chest and arms contracting beneath her stroking hands.

"We don't go into the garden much," he said.

Bella smiled. "You don't go into it at all."

"No, well, it's not my thing. It's not our thing. We can't be arsed with all that fresh air, vegetable crap, you know."

Bewildered at the sudden tautness of his voice, Bella pushed herself a little away from him.

"Why not? It's huge out there, you could have a – a swimming pool out there if you wanted it."

"I don't want it."

He pushed himself off the sofa suddenly and Bella, despite having created a little space between them, fell forward unbalanced.

"Shit!"

Jake turned, contrite. "Sorry darling. But really, you know, I really can't be arsed with the garden. Don't you worry about it."

“I'm not worrying about it. I just think it's a waste of space, you know. Why don't you get a gardener if you don't want to do it?"

Jake's face tightened. "It's none of your business, Bella. It's not up to you what happens, or doesn't happen to this house.

“What?” said Bella, suddenly cold.

Jake flicked a glance at her and then looked away.

“It’s not up to you. It’s nothing to do with you. What happens in this house is up to three people – and I’m afraid you’re not one of them."

He sounded like Carl. Bella felt tears start to her eyes. Furious, she pushed herself into a standing position.

"Fine. You don't have to make me feel any more of an outsider than I already do."

She pushed past him, dodging his appeasing arm.

"Come on, darling..."

Fuck off. She felt the words tremble on her tongue. But no – instead of saying them, she let the door slam its own eloquent message.

Upstairs in the bedroom, Bella stared at the wall. It’s all going wrong, she thought. All we’re doing is fighting all the time… She sat down on the edge of the bed, their bed, and then lay down on her side, curling herself up, pushing her face into the pillow. She listened out for Jake, half dreading his footsteps on the stairs, half wanting him to come in. I don’t know how to cope with these feelings, she thought. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how I’m supposed to react. She felt again the loneliness that had stabbed at her earlier in the day and tears came to her eyes. She pushed her face into the pillow, snuffling.

The door to the bedroom creaked. She heard footsteps approach the bed before the mattress dipped as Jake sat down on it. She felt his warm hand on her back.

“Bella…”

Childishly, she screwed her face into the pillow, shutting him out now he had his hand on her.

“Bella – I’m sorry –“

“Go away.”

“Don’t be silly.”

He moved to lay beside her, wrapping himself around her rigid body. Bella held herself taut for a moment. Then his warmth seeped through the barricade of anger and she sighed, relaxing against him.

“We shouldn’t fight,” he whispered. His hand moved to her head, stroking her hair. “Let’s not fight. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t shut you out. I’m sorry.”

“You make me feel – sometimes you make me feel like such an outsider.”

Her voice croaked on the edge of tears and she stopped talking, begrudging him the knowledge of how upset she was. Jake’s hand moved soothingly over her hair, the tips of his fingers brushing her cheek, moving down her neck. She could feel him hardening against the crease of her buttocks and, despite herself, felt an answering pulse between her legs.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m sorry. You don’t have to feel like an outsider. You’re not an outsider. You’re more important to me than anyone, my darling. Carl and Veronica – they’re not important anymore. I mean – “ he cleared his throat, “I mean, they’re not important. They don’t matter anymore. We’ve got each other now.”

Bella lay for a moment, pondering his words. Then she turned to face him.

“Don’t shut me out, Jake.”

“I won’t.” He kissed her, whispering to her through the kiss. “I won’t shut you out. You’re more important to me than – than anything. Don’t you worry about that.”

“I love you,” whispered Bella. He said nothing. His arms tightened around her and she felt his face against her neck, his breathing light and fast against her. She waited for him to speak, stroking the back of his neck, feeling the thud of his pulse beneath her fingers.

Chapter Nine

 

She heard his footsteps come along the hallway, the double-creak of the loose board outside the bathroom, the darkening of the doorway as his shadow moved before him. Then he was there, framed in the doorway. Bella looked into the mirror in front of her, watching Jake’s reflection as he stood at the entrance to the room. She watched the expression on his face move from a sardonic grin to delighted surprise.

“Wow. You look – wow – ”

Veronica put her hand to Bella’s temple, pushing a sparkling hairpin more firmly into the mass of hair that was coiled about her head. Bella sat with her hands folded neatly in her lap, her shoulders swathed in faded silk. She watched herself watching herself, sitting serenely in front of the mirror. For a moment, she saw herself and Veronica as Jake was seeing them; the two of them like a Rossetti painting made flesh, blurred swirls of oil paint come to life; glittering with beads; the shimmer of candlelight on glossed lips and eyelids and shoulders; silk scarves loosely binding their flushed skin. Veronica wore her hair twisted into snaky blonde ropes and her small pointed breasts were just visible through the cobweb-thin muslin of her dress. Bella felt her own breasts strain against the corset she wore, the clasp of the boning about her ribcage half discomfort and half secret pleasure. For a moment, she could almost feel what Jake was feeling; swelling desire at the sight of two beautiful women; unease at interrupting some unseen, esoteric feminine ritual. She could see him getting ready to speak and for a moment she held her breath – it almost felt like a sacrilege, for his masculine tones to break through the warm scented silence that filled the room. He did speak, though, and his voice ruptured the illusion of sacred space. All at once it was just Veronica’s bedroom again, and they were just two pretty girls dressed in lace and cheap jewellery.

Jake cleared his throat. She could see him struggling for the right tone, the tone he’d come up the stairs with, the face he’d worn before he’d seen them both – jokey, matey, semi-exasperated. He just about managed it.

“Come on ladies. You can only make yourselves so beautiful, you know. Time and tide wait for no man.”

“We’re not men, though, are we?” Veronica smiled and stretched a long arm out to clamp the final pin to Bella’s hair.

“You can’t hurry beauty like this.”

“Don’t I know it.” Jake looked at Bella, meeting her eyes in the mirror. “You look beautiful,” he said and she felt suddenly, ridiculously shy.

She could see him shake himself mentally. Did she really have that much power? The thought gave her a shiver. He kept his eyes on her reflected eyes, watching her face in the mirror. Bella rose, tucking the silk folds of her dress into the crook of her arm. She caught sight of herself again as she moved, more slowly than normal, across the room and it took her breath away. She looked like a silent movie star, all big, shadowed eyes and silk-wrapped bones. She looked beautiful, even to her own critical eyes. She could feel her spine lengthening, her hips moving in a previously unknown languid sway.

Jake held his arm out to her as she reached the doorway.

“Madam,” he said, smirking, but she didn’t smile, just slipped her fingers across his sleeve and the smile fell off his face.

She had almost forgotten Veronica. It was a shock to feel her brush past, to take Jake’s other arm. The three of them stood uncomfortably close for a moment, wedged into the doorway.

“Lead us on then, kind sir,” said Veronica, in a kind of purr and Bella saw Jake’s face contract, a split-second wince of pain. She opened her mouth to ask him what was the matter and then his face was back to normal. He dragged his eyes from Veronica’s face and looked at Bella.

“Let’s go then, sexy.”

“Is that me or Bella you’re talking to?” said Veronica, still in the same furry voice and again, Bella saw that momentary contraction of Jake’s face. For a moment, absurdly, she thought he was going to lash out. She tightened her fingers on his arm, involuntarily. He and Veronica were looking at each other, their gaze locked together; Veronica’s chin up, the corners of her mouth tucked back in a little ironic smirk, Jake’s eyebrows drawn down, his face rigid. Bella felt a clutch in the pit of her stomach. She opened her mouth to say something, to break the tension, anything – and then Veronica was standing back, smiling properly, Jake was grinning, the tension lifted, dissolved, gone. Had it even been there in the first place? Bella blinked. She and Veronica had drunk champagne whilst they got ready and all of a sudden, she could really feel the two glasses she’d had. She gripped Jake’s arm, feeling the warmth beneath her fingers, the hardness of the bone beneath her fingertips.

“Come on,” said Veronica. “Downstairs. Let’s go.”

They made their way downstairs. Bella clung to the banisters, tipsily. The other two hurried before her, their hands clutching at the banisters.

“Wait for me, guys,” said Bella, giggling. She was placing one foot in front of the other, carefully. The corset gripped her about the chest, making her step carefully, breathe shallowly. Jake and Veronica had reached the hallway. The two of them stood by the front door, watching her come down the stairs. Bella fumbled another foot forwards, slid her palm down the slippery banister.

“Sorry,” she said. “I’m coming as fast as I can.”

The two of them were staring at her, watching her step down the stairs. Bella was drunk, but not that drunk. She could feel a slow awkwardness begin to surface. Did she look that pissed? She moved more slowly, placed her hands more carefully. The rigid edges of her shoes cut into the skin of her feet. Be careful. She reached the safety of the black and white tiles of the hallway and put a hand up to her hot cheek, smoothing back her hair.

“I’m okay,” she said brightly. Both Jake and Veronica were staring at her and for a moment, she had the horrible vertiginous feeling of making a dreadful faux pax. She touched her face, tried to run a finger subtly beneath her nostrils, passed her tongue over her teeth.

Eventually the silence, and their big-eyed stares became too much.

“Are you all right?”

“Of course they’re all right.”

Carl’s voice made them all jump. They turned to look at him, his hand on the doorframe, lounging in the entrance to the living room. Bella caught his eye and felt heat begin to surge up inside her. No, I’m not doing this, she told herself, the firmness of her inner monologue surprising her. I’m not embarrassed. What the hell have I got to be embarrassed about? She raised her chin and smiled at him, feeling reckless.

Carl looked at her for a moment, appraisingly. Then he grinned and held his hand out. Taking it, she had the feeling she’d passed some sort of test. What test, she thought giddily, as he led her through into the living room, past the sagging sofa and into the alcove by the window, where the table was laid for dinner. Wine glasses glittered. There were candles shedding soft golden circles of light on the tablecloth. Carl led her to a seat and managed to insert her into the chair without touching any more of her than her arm. As he took his hand from hers, Bella was very aware of the movement of air across her warm palm. She looked down at the placemat, confused. For a second, she was scarcely aware of Jake taking his place by her, or by Veronica seating herself opposite.

Carl disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. For a moment, the three of them sat, blinking at one another through the candlelight. After a second, Veronica shook herself, as if waking herself from a dream. She looked towards the kitchen. Then she shook herself again, more firmly, and reached for the packet of cigarettes lying at the end of the table.

Nicotine lust surged up inside Bella. It was months since she’d even had a drag of a cigarette but all of a sudden, she wanted one, wanted to feel the rusty taste, the smoky rush of it. She reached out for the packet, without thinking.

“What are you doing?”

Caught up in the moment, she took a second to register Jake’s voice. Bella looked at him in the candlelight.

“What?”

“What are you doing?”

“Having a cigarette. What’s it look like I’m doing?”

She caught the edge of Veronica’s smile in the corner of her eye. Jake looked thunderous. She felt a momentary qualm and then another, stronger surge of another emotion – anger.

“You don’t smoke.”

“No, I don’t.”

“So, what the hell are you doing?”

Bella had no answer to that. She had the cigarette in her fingers by then, rolling the little tube between her fingers. Part of her was aghast at her daring. The other part of her thought, quite clearly, fuck him.

The other part won out. She lifted the cigarette to her lips and Veronica sparked the lighter for her, almost as if she’d read her mind. Bella watched Jake’s frown move from her face to Veronica’s.

“Dinner time, guys.”

Carl appeared in the kitchen doorway with a pile of square cardboard boxes in his hands. The three of them looked at him for a moment, dumbfounded. He grinned.

“I said, dinner time. There’s American hot, Hawaiian, and Vegetarian, for the pussies amongst us. Dig in.”

“You what?” said Jake slowly, as if disbelieving his own eyes.

Carl’s grin got wider.

“Come on, guys. I’m an investment banker. You can’t expect me to cook as well.”

“You brought us pizza for our dinner party?”

“Yup.”  Carl’s smile began to fall. “Oh, come on guys. Since when do we give dinner parties? It’s food, isn’t it?”

"How sophisticated," said Veronica, giggling.

Carl grinned. "Well, it's not getting any hotter. Eat up."

Jake rolled his eyes. Bella hesitated for a moment, stubbed out her cigarette, and then reached for a piece. The first bite reminded her of how hungry she was. She took a gulp of wine and it gave her the courage to say 'Carl, I think this is great. Thanks for buying the pizzas."

Carl smiled at her. She was aware again of that pulse of attraction she'd felt before, on first seeing him. I can't be attracted to him though, she told herself, feeling a little sick. He's my boyfriend's brother. She looked from him to Jake, who was watching her look at Carl. His expression was unreadable but she found herself smiling stiffly, hoping her thoughts didn't show on her face. He smiled back, properly, and she felt a rush of love for him. He'd obviously forgiven her for the cigarette. She looked down at it, half smoked in the ashtray.

"Sorry V, but I don't want this anymore. Can I give it back to you?"

Veronica raised her eyebrows but nodded. "Sure. One more for me. Or half at least."

Jake said nothing. Bella caught his eye as she sat back in her seat and saw the look of satisfaction on his face. He gave her the tiniest, approving nod.

Nobody said anything for a moment. The room filled with the sound of chewing and the clink of glasses being set back down on the table. Bella swallowed the last mouthful, took a sip of wine and began to lick her fingers free of grease. After a moment, she realised Carl was watching her do it – saw the smile on his face and blushed tomato-red.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Don't mind me," said Carl, grinning. "I was quite enjoying it."

Bella felt even hotter. She didn't dare look at Jake.

Veronica cleared her throat.

"More wine, anyone?"

“I’ll have some,” said Bella, just for something to say.

“I think you’ve had enough,” said Jake.

“Oh, leave her alone,” said Carl in a bored tone. “Who died and made you King of the Puritans?”

Veronica gave a nervous giggle. Bella looked quickly towards Jake’s face and nearly flinched. His face was tight with fury. His fingers were clenched about the handle of his knife, the knuckles showing in white bone-chips beneath the taut, translucent skin.

“He’s right,” said Bella wildly, trying to something, anything, to restore calm. “You always have more than you think don’t you – My head’s spinning – definitely think I’ve had a bit much. It was good pizza, though, thanks again Carl for buying it, that was really generous of you – “

She shut her mouth with a snap, realising she was babbling. There was another moment of thrumming silence. Then Veronica scraped her chair back from the table and rose, beginning to collect up the plates and cutlery.

“I’ll help you,” said Bella, frantic to escape the room. She grabbed up her plate and her fork fell clattering to the floor. “Whoops, never mind. I’ll come back for it.”

She almost ran into the kitchen and crashed the crockery down on the sideboard. She was breathing too fast. Veronica came into the kitchen behind her but Bella continued to face the wall, gripping the side of the counter.

She heard the squeak and thud of the dishwasher door open.

“You alright?” said Veronica, as unseen behind her, she began to stack dishes. Bella nodded and then realised she’d have to say something.

“I’m fine.” She took a deep breath, pasted on a smile, and turned around. “I just – it’s just – oh, I don’t know.”

Veronica slotted the last plate into place and lifted the dishwasher door back into place. She put her head on one side.

“What’s up?”

Bella let go of the counter and her hands fell limply to her sides. She shrugged, her inexplicable panic already fading. What was the matter with her?

“I’m fine. Seriously. I think I’ve had a bit too much to drink.”

“Hmm. Want a ciggie?”

Bella shook her head slowly, thinking of what could happen if Jake came out here and found her smoking.

“No, I’m okay, thanks.”

Veronica lit her own cigarette and a long tendril of blue smoke slipped up past her face to the ceiling.

“Well, if you’re sure,” she said and her tone was dismissive. Bella brushed her hair back from her face, her cheeks hot. “Let’s go back in then.”

The boys were sat on either sofa when they got back into the living room. Immediately, Bella could see that the awful tension between them had lessened. What just happened, she wondered. Why did we all freak out? She sat down next to Jake and reached for his hand, tentatively, unsure of whether he was still angry at her. She felt his fingers close around hers and then he turned and smiled at her, a proper smile. She felt weak with relief – her sense of reprieve made her reach out and kiss him. The second their lips touched she wanted to be upstairs in their room, making love and wondered if she dared communicate her need to him, right here and now.

Carl had put some music on and for a while they all sat there in the front room, passing round a joint. Bella felt the smoke gradually seep into her and her muscles melted and softened, sinking her deeper into the sofa, settling her more firmly into Jake’s warm side. The music ebbed and flowed, filling the room and the candles sat in little pools of soft golden light.

Jake sat up, dislodging Bella slightly. She blinked, woken from a luxurious dream.

“Bedtime, I think,” he said and pushed himself from the sofa. Bella blinked again, half asleep.

“This early?” said Carl. Fully awake now, Bella looked at him. He had a slight smile on his face, a smile that somehow made her feel hot and embarrassed.

“Yes,” said Jake shortly. He helped Bella to her feet. “I’m knackered, and so is Bel.”

“Right you are,” said Carl. He kept the same little smile on his face. Bella could feel Jake stiffen beside her.

“What?” he said.

“Nothing,” said Carl, smirking.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Carl, for fuck’s sake – “

“Jesus, bro, calm down would you? What the hell’s the matter with you?”

Jake took a deep, furious breath.

“What’s the matter with me, bro, is that you seem to find something amusing in the idea of Bella and me going to bed? Now, why might that be?”

Carl’s smirk grew to a grin.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I said was ‘right you are’.”

Jake trembled with rage – Bella could feel him beside her, thrumming like a piece of machinery. He opened his mouth.

“That’s enough,” said Veronica quietly. She looked at Jake and then at Carl. “Both of you.”

Carl stopped smiling. He reached out for the newspaper on the chair beside him and began leafing through it in a bored manner.

“Jesus Christ,” he said, but a low tone.

There was a moment’s silence. Then Bella pulled at Jake’s arm.

“Let’s go upstairs Jake,” she said, all thoughts of sex gone, just wanting to be out of there. All of a sudden, she felt incredibly tired.

They got undressed in silence. Bella wrapped herself in her dressing gown and went to brush her teeth. Perhaps it was the remnants of the bottle of wine she’d drunk, perhaps it was just exhaustion but she felt very much as if she’d like a good cry. She wouldn’t mention it to Jake but  – but sometimes the three of them made her feel as if they were all playing a game together and no one had bothered to explain the rules to Bella. She was left to fumble around on the outskirts, watching for some kind of clue, waiting to see if she’d got it right or wrong. Sometimes she felt twenty years younger than them all. She splashed cold water on her face and dabbed it dry.

Jake was in bed, the room in darkness, when she got back to the bedroom. She dropped her robe on the chair by the window and crawled under the covers, unsure of whether she should say anything. Tentatively, she reached out for him in the darkness.

He said nothing but turned to her. He was already naked and she could tell he was more than ready. His hand held her face firmly while he kissed her, moving himself against her.

“Sshhh…” he said, and she could see the flat gleam of his eyes close to hers in the dimness. “Don’t say anything. Don’t make a sound.”