Текст книги "Exposed"

Автор книги: Brighton Walsh

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Chapter Twenty-Five

RILEY

With Evie’s hands on me, her lips under mine, soon I forgot to be careful. I forgot to be tentative and hesitant and let myself get lost in the feel of her skin under my hands, her lips against mine. And before long, it wasn’t enough. Just kissing her like this wasn’t enough. I needed to feel more of her … all of her.

Reaching down, I cupped her ass in my hands and hauled her up against me. She moaned into my mouth, kissing me harder, deeper, and despite wanting to be careful, I couldn’t wait anymore. I held her to me as I walked us over to the bed, then set her on her feet and peeled the clothes from her body before nudging her onto the mattress.

She lay back on the sheets, her hair a chaos of red against the white pillowcase, and I could only stare. She was looking back at me, her eyes open, a hint of vulnerability hidden in their depths. She was bare to me now, in more ways than one. I realized that for the first time in seven years, I was seeing the real Evie. Before, I’d only been given glimpses. But now, I was seeing all of her.

“You’ve always been gorgeous to me,” I said, my voice rough with my need. “Since that very first day I saw you. But now…” I shook my head and let my eyes get their fill of her. I swallowed down my anger, my sadness at her past, and continued, “Knowing what you’ve gone through and that you’re still standing? That you didn’t let any of it destroy you? It only makes you more beautiful. You came out on the other side. Strong and resilient and fucking perfect.”

“I’m glad you think so.” A soft smile tipped her lips, a flush brushing across her cheeks, and then she held her hand out for me, beckoning me closer.

“I know so.” I reached behind and yanked the neck of my shirt, pulling it over my head and tossing it to the side before I shed my pants and boxer briefs. Then I stood at the foot of the bed and braced my hands on the mattress on either side of her. Starting at her ankles, I let my lips trace every inch of her body, kissing a trail up her legs. Even though what she’d been through had happened so long ago, I had this overwhelming urge to erase the memories from her mind. I wanted them gone forever, and I wanted them replaced with something different, something better, something sweeter.

I wanted them filled with us. Only ever us.

“God, Riley.” She moaned when I slid my hands up her inner thighs and pushed her legs apart, running my thumbs along her pussy. And when I bent to her, licking a line straight up her slit, her pleas turned into mumbled snippets of sound, not a word among them. I spread her open with my thumbs, then sucked her clit into my mouth, wanting to drive her crazy. Wanting her out of her mind in pleasure. I wanted to eradicate every bad memory she’d ever had.

When I slipped my fingers inside her, brushing against the part that always made her go off, she arched off the bed, pressing harder against my mouth. I continued to stroke her with my tongue, flicking her clit until her pussy clenched tighter and tighter, and then finally she was coming and moaning and pulsing around my fingers.

I slowed my tongue, stroking her softer, slower, until she was boneless on the bed. As much as I could do this all night, lick her pussy until she’d come a dozen times, I wanted to be inside her. And I wanted it right fucking now. I wanted to feel her skin to skin, wanted to be inside her with nothing between us, but still I reached over and fumbled for a condom, rolling it down my length and protecting us both. When I was fully sheathed, I shifted closer to her, still on my knees, and pulled her legs up and over mine.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t tell me to stop, didn’t utter a word of protest, but still, there was a stiffness in her body and a wariness in her eyes, an uncertainty, and I realized this was the first time she’d ever been under me like this. The first time she’d ever lain prone before me. So giving. So vulnerable.

Last night, when she’d had the panic attack, it’d been when I was pressing her into the couch, sandwiching her between my body and an unmoving object, and I wondered if that was what had set her off. If that had made everything worse. Because in all the times we’d ever been together, I’d never once been on her, holding her down. She’d always managed to make it so she was the one in control. So she was the one guiding, moving, the one deciding how far, how fast … deciding everything.

And I’d never minded. I’d never even really thought about it, too happy when I’d been a teenager to be getting pussy at all, and now … Now I’d been too happy to have her again, period.

But I recognized this for what it was. She was telling me without words, showing me with her actions that she trusted me. Even more so than when she’d told me her truth.

I wanted to be worthy of that trust. To do right by her now, like I hadn’t been able to before. Twice in her life, I’d let her down, even if she’d never asked for my help. Twice before, she’d been on her own, running scared, and I hadn’t been able to do anything about it. Now, though … Now I could do something about it. I could, and I would.

I wasn’t going to leave her to face anything on her own again.

I gripped my cock, running the head along her slit, and looked into her eyes. Asking her a dozen questions without saying a word. She was so brave, so trusting like this, and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I needed to hear it from her, that this was all right.

“It’s okay.” Her voice was soft, the barest tremor running through it, and it killed me. It fucking killed me that she had to deal with this. That she’d had this shit done to her in the first place. It killed me, and I’d do anything to help her forget.

“One word, baby. That’s it. One word and I’ll stop.”

“I know you will.” She reached out and gripped my thighs, her fingers digging into my flesh, and I took her unspoken request and placed myself at her entrance, then pushed forward.

Her eyes fluttered shut the farther in I got, until our bodies were flush and I was seated as deeply inside her as I could get. I gripped her hips as I slowly pumped into her, dragging my cock out and pushing in deep enough to hear that little gasp leave her lips. She felt so good, so fucking good around me, it took everything in me not to lean over and brace myself on top of her, pound into her until we were both coming. My cock was begging for it, begging to fuck her hard and deep. But more than that, more than the need for pleasure that was coursing through my veins, was the need to make sure she was okay. To make this good for her.

I rocked forward, rolling my hips and guiding her body forward and back over mine, until she was arching against the bed. Her head was pressed into the pillow, her back bowed, her tits like an offering in front of me. And I had to take. I bent over her, leaning down until I could take one of the hard peaks into my mouth. I gently scraped my teeth over it, then captured it between them and tugged just how she liked it, flicking my tongue over the tip at the same time.

“Shit.” She moaned and reached up to grip my hair, her fingers digging in and keeping me held tightly to her.

As much as I loved driving her crazy like this, as much as I loved my mouth all over her, I wanted—needed—to see her. To watch her reactions … know she was okay. That this was still okay. Pulling back, I sat up on my knees again and looked down at her, at her body spread out and offered up to me like a feast. Her eyes were half closed, her lips parted, her skin flushed and beautiful. Her nipples were hard and shiny from my mouth, the gentle slope of her stomach calling to me. I ran my hand over it, then shifted my eyes down and watched where she was taking me into her body, her pussy stretching around my cock. Seeing it, seeing how wet she was, how wet she’d made me, reassured me that she was okay. This was as good for her as it was for me.

I dragged my eyes away from the sight before me and looked at her face. She was watching me the same as I was watching her, and seeing the blind trust in her eyes, that open vulnerability that hadn’t ever been there before, tore at my fucking heart.

I’d moved on since she’d been gone, moved on as best I could. I’d tried to forget about her, but I never really had. I’d lived my life seeking vengeance for her, and she’d always been with me, by my side with every job I’d taken, every directive I’d carried out. She’d never left.

I’d loved her when I was a stupid sixteen-year-old. I’d loved her at seventeen and eighteen, as our relationship went on, as we’d grown closer. I’d loved her as I grieved for her, as I sought justice for her death. And despite trying hard to forget her, despite trying hard to leave her in the past where I’d thought she belonged, I’d loved her every year since.

And I loved her now.

Even though I was inside her, I needed her closer yet. I wanted her by me, face-to-face, but I didn’t want to press her into the mattress. I didn’t want to take the chance that it might trigger her, didn’t want to ruin whatever progress she was making now, being with me like this. Instead, I leaned forward and slid my hands under her back by her shoulder blades, then lifted her to me, sitting her in my lap and bringing her face right up to mine. As soon as she sank down on my cock, filling her completely, we both moaned. Evie’s eyes fluttered closed before she opened them again, bringing her mouth to mine for a kiss.

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders as we rocked together, me on my knees and her in my lap, my hands on her ass as I guided her up and down along my length. Rocked together until our breaths came out in gasps and pants, until all words blended together into unintelligible ramblings, oaths to God and pleas for more and silent promises spoken between our bodies. And through it all, I couldn’t get close enough to her. Couldn’t get deep enough inside her.

I wanted to consume her.

Because for the past seven years, she’d been consuming me.

When she clenched around me, her pussy squeezing me tight as she came in my arms, I knew that was it for me. She was it for me. I went over the edge, spilling inside her, with the thought that whatever fight we had in front of us, whatever challenges we faced at the hands of Max, I’d do everything in my power to make sure this was a fight she’d didn’t have to go through on her own.

Chapter Twenty-Six

EVIE

Riley’s arms were warm and strong, his heartbeat steady under my ear, and it was all so … normal. Was this what life could be like? Was this something I could have? Even after everything that had happened, all the shit I’d endured, was this something I could count on? Was Riley someone I could count on?

Remembering how he’d touched me, how he’d looked down at me when I’d been lying there, offering absolutely everything I had to him, sent a shiver up my spine, had a warmth settling deep in my heart. Because I knew. I knew.

Of course I could count on him.

I didn’t know why I’d ever doubted him. I should’ve known, after all the years, that he wouldn’t fail me.

Opening up to him, not just my memories, not just exposing my past to him, but literally laying myself bare before him and allowing myself to be vulnerable to him, had been the scariest thing I’d ever done in my life. I’d let him see into the darkest recesses of my soul, trusting that he wouldn’t hurt me. Wouldn’t take advantage of what I’d given him.

Even more than the high I got at being in control, the rush I felt at having his complete and utter acceptance was unprecedented.

Riley took a deep breath, his chest rising under my cheek. His arm was around me, his hand settled possessively on my hip. Normally I would’ve hated it, hated that firm grasp, holding me so tightly to his body. But I couldn’t do anything but revel in the feel of it now.

It made me feel … protected.

“You doin’ okay?” His voice was a quiet rumble vibrating against my ear.

He hadn’t said anything after he’d laid us both down on the bed, tugging me into his side. We’d lain there for so long I lost track, nothing but the sounds of the street outside and our breaths filling the loft. I didn’t know if he realized I would need some time after, if he was giving me space, or if he’d needed space, too.

“Yeah,” I answered, tracing my fingers over the rippled edges of his abdomen. “It was hard, talking about it. The most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I knew it would be. But I don’t regret telling you.” I took a deep breath and blew it out, smiling when his muscles tensed under my hand. “It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s … I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.” I thought about how it felt like I could finally breathe and said, “It feels like I can finally suck in a lungful of air instead of surviving on only shallow breaths.”

He exhaled heavily, and I could almost hear the relief in it. “I was hoping you didn’t regret it.”

I shook my head and placed a kiss over his heart, grateful that he’d been here with me. Even with my reassurance, his body was still tense under me.

“What has you biting your tongue?” I asked.

Riley froze, then blew out a laugh. “That obvious, huh?”

“To me? Yeah.”

He began rubbing circles on my bare hip with his thumb, and I settled farther into him, draping my leg over the top of one of his and tracing my fingers over his chest while I waited for him to tell me what was on his mind.

“You said you tried to tell your mom…”

That small handful of words made me stiffen in his arms. I couldn’t help it. It was funny how so few words could transport me right back to that day, an afternoon seemingly like any other, except it’d been the day when I’d finally worked up enough courage to talk to her. Tell her what was happening to me. Or try to, anyway.

I hadn’t even been able to tell her about anything more than the inappropriate touches and looks before she’d shut me down, saying I was confused or misreading things. I hadn’t corrected her, hadn’t told her the things he’d done to me that could in no way be misconstrued. Instead, I’d closed up again. All my confidence had vanished, extinguished in the blink of an eye. I’d swallowed it all, kept it locked up tight.

Until Riley.

I cleared my throat, hoping my voice came out sounding stronger than I felt at this moment. “Yeah.”

Riley continued caressing my skin, wherever he could reach. I didn’t know if it was to soothe him or me, but I appreciated the gesture all the same. “But you never told her more than about the … the looks and the touches?”

“No, she shut me down before I could. And I never tried again.”

“What about … I mean, have you ever gone to the cops? Have you filed a report?”

I closed my eyes, the words my father had said more times than I could count echoing in my memory. “He told me no one would believe me, and after my mom…” I blew out a shaky breath. While I’d opened up to Riley, shared my darkest past with him, that didn’t mean this was suddenly easy to talk about. It still clawed at me, my open wound raw and vulnerable, a thousand tiny paper cuts along every inch of my skin. And talking about it was like swimming in salt water.

Riley didn’t say anything more, didn’t do anything but tug me closer to his side. I relaxed into him, grateful that he’d taken my cues to let it drop. It was a lot to deal with in a short amount of time, and I was still reeling.

We lay there for long minutes before his phone buzzed on the makeshift nightstand, the small black rectangle sliding toward Riley as it vibrated. “Shit,” he said, reaching out and grabbing the phone before he glanced at the screen. “Gage called a couple times while you were sleeping. He’s gonna be pissed as hell I didn’t call back.” He blew out a deep breath, then pressed his thumb on the screen and answered the call. “Hey.”

I couldn’t hear Gage’s side of the conversation as Riley held the phone to his ear, just a low, unintelligible rumble, but when Riley’s muscles went taut under my roaming hands, I knew something was going on. Propping myself up on my elbow, the sheet clutched to my chest, I looked down at him. His brows were furrowed, his jaw clenched, eyes hard.

What is it? I mouthed. He gave a sharp shake of his head and looked away from me, but I wasn’t going to have any of that. I’d been the one to land us in this position—my problems, my actions—and if anyone was going to be in the know about what the hell was going on, it was going to be me.

With Riley’s attention diverted away from me, I quickly reached out and snatched the phone from his hand and pressed the speaker button. As soon as I did so, Gage’s voice filled the room. “Aaron confirmed it’s at least a dozen more.”

“What’s at least a dozen more?” I asked.

“Evie,” Riley snapped, sitting up and reaching out to try and get the phone from my hand. I held it away from him and scooted farther back on the bed, not caring about my nakedness.

“No way. You don’t get to have this conversation in private. This isn’t your problem, Riley. It’s mine. Now tell me what the hell’s going on. A dozen more what, Gage?”

Riley cursed under his breath, his eyes narrowed on me, at the same time Gage blew out a breath on the other end of the line. Then Gage said, “A dozen guys. Max isn’t fucking around anymore. When Frankie didn’t contain the … situation, Max moved on and sent out runts, just prospects for the crew who wanted to do something for him and ones he knew wouldn’t ask questions. Ones who weren’t around when you were, Evie, who didn’t know you. He’s turned the tables, though. Aaron let me know that Max had a meeting with the veterans—the ones who’ve been there the longest and have the most to lose—and … he sold you out. Told them you have evidence to bring down the entire crew and everyone in it. Now Max is mobilizing guys. Plans to send out a dozen more in the next couple of hours.”

“Which means we need to move now,” Riley interjected. He threw off the covers and stood, yanking on the pants he’d shed earlier. His hands were restless, tugging at his hair, the muscles in his back coiled as he paced at the foot of the bed. “Evie’s got all the evidence we need. We can get shit in place for a blast, if need be.” I knew he meant to have the evidence prepped and ready to send to any and all sources at once, should Max not comply with the threat. He turned to me. “Did you get everything on that flash drive?”

“Hell, yeah, I did. Every last bit of it. Aaron got copies, too.”

He gave a short nod. “Good.”

“What do you want to do, Ry?” Gage asked. “You want to wait until he comes here, just be ready for him?”

“Fuck, no.”

Gage snorted. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. If you time it right, wait for the green light from Aaron, you can hit Max in Chicago when all his top guys have been dispatched.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Catch him alone. I’ll probably head out tonight, so I’m in Chicago when I need to be, whenever Aaron gives the go-ahead.”

The words he was saying, how he and Gage held the conversation as if I wasn’t even in the room, had an uneasiness crawling over my skin. Narrowing my eyes at him, I said, “You mean we. We’ll head out.”

Riley turned to face me, his arms crossed over his bare chest. He was a statue, stoic and unmoving, his eyes hard as he leveled me with a stare. “No, I mean me.”

I could only sit and stare at him, my heart warring with my mind, because I’d known. Despite how badly my heart wanted to believe that he wouldn’t do something like this to me, intentionally strip me of any power I had over myself, my mind—my gut—had counted on it. I huffed out a disbelieving laugh. “You can’t be serious.”

“Evie,” Gage interrupted. “I know you want to be involved, but this is serious shit now. Shit we—”

“Never would’ve had to deal with if it weren’t for me,” I interrupted, my voice hard. “You are not blocking me on this. This isn’t either of your problems. It’s mine.”

“I don’t give a fuck if it’s your problem or not,” Riley said. “It became mine the second I saw you again, the second I got the call from Gage. You’re not going.” His words were hard, delivered like sharp jabs to the stomach.

I climbed out of the bed, jerking on my clothes as I glared at him. “I can’t believe you’re trying to pull this shit with me. This isn’t your decision to make, Riley, and you’re not my fucking keeper.”

Gage cleared his throat, the sound reminding me we had an audience. I’d forgotten he was on the phone. Riley and I both stared at the illuminated screen lying on the bed, our postures tense. “I’ll be by shortly. You guys get this figured out before I get there.”

The call disconnected, and Riley and I stared at each other, at a standoff.

Arms crossed, foot tapping on the hardwood floor, I glared at him. “There’s nothing to figure out. I’m going.”

“You can’t seriously think this is a good idea.” Riley shook his head, his fingers rough in his hair. “We’re talking about your life, Evie.”

“We’re talking about your life, too, and I’m not going to stand by and let you risk it because of my choices.”

“If you think I’m letting you come with me, you’re out of your mind.”

I scoffed, breathing out a laugh. “Let me? If you think there’s anything I need you to let me do, then you’re out of your mind, too.”

Riley’s jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed on me. “Well, fortunately, I’m the only one with the transportation.”

With that, I could only stare at him, my jaw dropped. He was utterly serious. I couldn’t believe he was pulling this, trying to tell me what I could and couldn’t do. That prickle that started at the base of my spine spread throughout my body, telling me I was quickly losing control of the situation, that I didn’t have a say, and urging me to regain the upper hand. “I’m going to say this one more time: I’m getting on the back of that motorcycle, and I’m going with you.”

“You’re not. I can’t have you with me. I can’t do that to you. I might not have been able to help you the last times you needed it, but I’ve got the opportunity to now. I couldn’t do a damn thing to save you before, and if you think I’m throwing away the chance I have now to do this for you, you don’t know the man I’ve become very well.”

“Then maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know who you’ve become, because the Riley I knew wouldn’t tell me what I could and couldn’t do. He wouldn’t have tried to control me. Certainly not after everything I shared. I had that control stripped from me for years, Riley, and I refuse to let it happen again.”

“Jesus Christ, Evie, I’m not trying to control you. All I’m trying to do is keep you safe!”

“All you’re trying to do is order me around!”

He growled out a frustrated noise, tugging on his hair. Then he dropped his arms and came to stand in front of me, his hands clasping my upper arms. “Baby, listen to me.” His voice was soothing now, beseeching, the hard edges he’d spoken with only moments ago softened. He bent his knees to bring us to eye level, and I saw everything he was feeling as I met his gaze—determination, fear, anxiety, and underneath it all, a bubbling undercurrent of anger. “If you go, he’ll kill you. He will kill you and he won’t think twice about it. He won’t see you as enough of a threat. He just won’t. He’s already tried to have you killed twice, and you’ve managed to get away both times. But I’m not taking the chance of it happening on the third try. I’m not going to lose you again. I can’t.” Then his once-soothing voice turned hard. “You’re not going. Period.”

That feeling of helplessness was back, clawing at me … weighing me down. Because I knew that no matter how hard I fought for this, how much I resisted, how much I argued, the truth was that if Riley didn’t want me going with him, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to force him. I couldn’t strap myself on the back of the bike. Probably wouldn’t even be able to get out of the apartment with Gage no doubt blocking my way. And that thought just sank the dread further into my chest, magnifying every ounce of hopelessness I felt until it was engulfing me.

Despite what I’d come to feel for Riley again after these few days together—despite what I’d felt for him all along—I wouldn’t, couldn’t allow myself to lose control again. Not when I’d finally gained back every bit of myself.

Riley’s face had softened in the long moments when I hadn’t said anything after his little speech. When he spoke to me now, his voice was more relaxed, like he thought he’d convinced me.

And he had. He’d convinced me. Just not the way he’d wanted.

“You’ve dealt with too much in your life, Evie. You’ve had two assholes take everything from you. Everything. I can’t let that continue. I won’t.”

With my voice steady and calm, I said, “If you refuse to let me make the choice of whether or not I want to be there with you, we’re done. Whatever we had here, whatever sparked between us again, is gone.” I ignored the flare of anger in his eyes, that spark of hurt, because my heart was breaking wide open. It was like he hadn’t heard anything I’d told him over the last few days. “I can’t be with someone who takes my choices away from me. This isn’t your fight, Riley. This is mine. I’m the one Max is after. I’m the one who has what he wants.”

Riley stared at me, his eyes flitting between both of mine, darting all over my face, and I didn’t know if he read the truth in my statement or not. I didn’t know if he thought I wasn’t being serious, if I was bluffing. Or if he just didn’t care.

“And I’m the one who’s going to make sure you’re safe,” he said.

I looked into his eyes, bottomless and clear, and I hated that this was what it was coming down to. That after everything, it was coming down to him keeping a choice from me, stealing any ounce of freewill from me. Just like everyone else.

“I was never yours to save.”