Текст книги "Hothouse Flower"
Автор книги: Becca Ritchie
Соавторы: Krista Ritchie
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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 29 страниц)
< 2 >
DAISY CALLOWAY
I have this theory.
Friends aren’t forever. They’re not even for a while. They come into your life and they leave when something or someone changes. Nothing grounds them to you. Not blood or loyalty. They’re just…fleeting.
I’m usually not this cynical, but I popped up Facebook this morning, my laptop resting on my bent legs. I should have deleted my account a couple years ago, around the same time my family was thrust into the public eye—when my older sister’s sex addiction went public.
But alas, I had a different theory about friends back then.
Butterflies, rainbows, hearts holding hands—it was literally a PBS special in my brain whenever I thought about my friendships.
And now Cleo Marks posted this on her wall: During Daisy Calloway’s sweet sixteen party, she couldn’t shut up about sex. It’s all she cared about. You know she’s a closeted sex addict like her sister. All the Calloway girls are skanks.
Those are the beautiful words of my former best friend. And it doesn’t even matter that she brought up an incident from two and a half years ago. Resurfacing it is enough to elicit 457 comments, mostly all in agreement.
Four months have passed since I graduated prep school and I’m still being haunted by my former friends. Like the Ghosts of Hell’s Past.
A hand reaches out and smacks my computer closed. “Stop wasting your fucking emotions on them.”
A tall six-foot-three guy is in my bed. Beside me. In only a pair of drawstring pants. And I’m sitting against the headboard, wearing white cotton shorts and a cropped red and blue top that says: Wild America.
On the outside, we probably look like a couple, gently rising from the morning sunlight that peeks through my curtains.
On the inside, there’s no touching. No kissing. Nothing beyond friendship status.
Reality is a whole lot more complicated.
“When did you wake up?” I wonder, avoiding any discussions that center on my old friends.
He doesn’t sit yet. He stays beneath my green comforter and sheet, running his hands through his disheveled dark brown hair. Attractive doesn’t even begin to describe his “I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-it” hair. It never looks neater during the day, but he knows that.
“The better fucking question is when did you go to sleep?” He stares at me with narrowed, accusatory eyes.
Never. But he knows this too. “Good news, I finished packing in the wee hours of the night.”
He rises and nears me a little. I tense at his closeness, reminded that he’s a man, his body easily dwarfing mine. It’s not a bad tense. More like the kind of tense that stops my breath for a second. That makes my head float and my heart do a weird little dance. I like it.
The danger of it all.
“Bad news, I don’t give a fuck about your packing,” he says roughly. “I just give a fuck about you.” He reaches across my chest to grab a pill bottle off my nightstand. His muscles constrict as he accidentally brushes against my boobs. Neither of us announces the brief touch, but the tension has turned a corner, down onto Don’t Go There Lane.
To relieve this new tension, I stand up on the bed and kick a decorative pillow off. “You do care about my packing. You thought I’d never get it done.”
“Because you’re fucking ADD and a lot of other things.” He watches me from below, his eyes traveling up the length of my long bare legs. “Sit down for a second, Calloway.” Instead of acting like he’s into me and all that, he just reads the back of the pill bottle, his brows tightening in concern.
You know that theory I have about friends not being forever...or even for a while?
Well, every theory has an exception.
Ryke is mine.
As I watched each friend call me a sex-addict-in-training and a media whore, stabbing me routinely in the heart, Ryke was the one who pulled out the blades. He even shielded me from them. He’s like my wolf—dangerous, alluring and protective—but I can never get close enough or else he’ll bite me.
He’s my last real friend. But I know that’s not entirely true. He’s the only real one I’ve ever had.
“What other things am I?” I ask with a smile, standing by his ankles at the foot of the bed.
“Hyperactive, fearless, crazy, and probably the happiest unhappy girl I’ve ever met.”
I bounce a little, about to jostle the mattress, but he side-swipes my calves quickly. I fall on my back, smiling big as I turn on my side towards him. It fades the moment he tosses the pill bottle at my face. It hits me square in the forehead and thuds to the comforter.
He’s also an asshole.
“You lowered your dosage,” he says.
“The doctor did it. He was worried how fast I was going through Ambien.”
“Did you tell him that you can’t fucking sleep without it?”
“No,” I admit. “I was too busy explaining how I don’t want to be addicted to anything like my sister or your brother. And he said it was a good idea to start lowering the dosage.” I tuck a strand of my dyed blonde hair behind my ear. It’s waist-length and has a habit of being everywhere all the time. Like right now. I am pretty much swaddled in it.
I empathize greatly with Rapunzel. She had it rough.
Ryke glares. “Not sleeping isn’t the fucking solution, Daisy.”
“What’s a better one?” I ask seriously. I am tired, and I realize today, like most days, will be fueled by energy drinks and endorphin boosts in the form of diet pills. Yippee.
He lets out a deep breath. “I don’t know. Right now, I’m really disturbed by the fact that I knew you didn’t sleep because you didn’t scream or kick me. If you don’t wake me in the middle of the night, it means you were up the whole fucking time.” He shakes his head as he continues to think. “When you’re in Paris, are you sharing a room with another model?
“No,” I say. “No, I wouldn’t.” Because she’d hear me scream, and I’d have to explain why I have these intense nightmares. And no one knows but Ryke. Not my sisters: Lily and Rose. Not Rose’s husband. Not Lily’s fiancé (who happens to be Ryke’s brother).
Just him. It’s a secret he’s kept for half a year. When I graduated from prep school about four months ago, I moved out of my parent’s house and into a Philly apartment. Things got a little worse, so he spends the night.
At first he just crashed on the couch.
But I couldn’t sleep, and his proximity helped keep my anxiety at bay.
Anxiety—such a weird word. I’ve never been anxious about anything before. Not really. Not until the media surrounded my family.
For the first time in my life, I’m truly scared.
And it’s not even of sharks or alligators or heights and daredevil stunts.
I am scared of people. Of things that people can do to me. Of things they’ve done.
Ryke knows my fears pretty well because I never lie to him. Two years ago, when I was sixteen, he held out my motorcycle helmet, about to teach me how to ride a Ducati. He said, “For us to have any kind of friendship, you can’t pretend with me. I’ve been involved in lies most of my fucking life, and it’s not something I’m particularly fond of. So you can cut the I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m little and naïve bullshit. I don’t play that game. I never will.”
It took me a full minute to process the gravity of his words. But I understood them. In order to be his friend, I couldn’t save face. I had to be me. It wasn’t a lot to ask. But back then, I’m not even sure I knew who I was. “Okay,” I accepted. So far, I’ve kept my word. No lies. And in turn, I’ve opened up more to Ryke than I have to anyone else. Plus, he’s been the only one here long enough to listen.
“Are you worried about going to Paris alone?” he asks me. “You haven’t slept by yourself in four months.”
“I can’t keep you forever, can I? Like a miniature Ryke Meadows carry-on or pocket-sized version?” I try hard not to smile at this.
“I’m not a fucking teddy bear.”
I gasp. “Really? I thought you were.”
He chucks a pillow at my face.
I smile so hard.
He loves throwing things.
“If you’re scared, maybe you shouldn’t go to Fashion Week without your mom.”
“No,” I say. “I need to do this on my own.” I’ve wanted this for so long—before the shit storm blew in from the press and paparazzi. I dreamed about sight-seeing, and my mother won’t let me do that if she’s attached to my side. She’ll only steer me towards fashion designers, schmoozing everyone for the chance to be the face of their clothing line.
“Well, you have my number,” he says. “Don’t be afraid to fucking call me, okay?”
I nod, and he climbs off my bed and goes to my dresser, searching through the bottom drawer for some of his clothes that he keeps here. I trace his features quickly. He’s unshaven, so he looks a little older than twenty-five, his actual age. And his brows do this thing where they furrow hard, like he’s in a bad mood. But really, he’s just brooding.
It’s his normal expression, one that’s insanely attractive in this possessive—I will protect you even if it fucking kills me—quality that I didn’t think I would like until I met him.
And it drew me in like this magnetic pull or a moth to a flame. All those cheesy things people say about attraction.
But below the physical connection (which I’m sure isn’t too hard for any girl to possess with a guy like Ryke Meadows) there’s something more strong and pure. A friendship built from three years of non-fucking. Of talking and laughing and yes, maybe a little bit of flirting.
And below that. There is only need.
I didn’t realize it was there—that need—until the nightmares of my dreams became the nightmares of my life. And he’s the kind of guy who wants to slay all those monsters for me. Too bad he can’t get to the ones in my head.
Even if he tries.
As he grabs a clean shirt and jeans, he straightens up and meets my gaze. I shouldn’t stare anymore, but I end up eyeing his muscles, the ones that are so supremely cut. Most people would be able to tell that he’s an athlete by looking—and not some muscular bodybuilder type. He’s light enough that he can ascend a mountain quickly, but strong enough that he can carry his weight on a single finger.
A black tattoo with reds, oranges and yellows engulfs his right shoulder, right chest and ribs. It’s an intricate design of a phoenix bound at the ankles, the inked chain extending along his side. A gray anchor is on his waist, a portion disappearing beneath his drawstring pants.
He looks kinda like someone you’d dream about waking up next to but never really think you would.
Despite this darkness that often swirls in his eyes, there’s a hardness along his jaw that’s dangerous, unapproachable, something that instantly hypnotizes me.
I can’t look away.
Even though I should.
His eyes narrow with each ticking second. “Don’t look at me like that, Daisy.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything.”
“I can tell when someone’s attracted to me,” he says without missing a beat.
“How?” I want that power that he has. I want to know if he finds me desirable. But maybe he never will.
His gaze falls to my shirt that reveals a little bit of my stomach. He inhales deeply, and something switches in his eyes, a look that says you’re fucking beautiful. I want to touch you. He’s never stared at me like that before—and if he has, he’s kept it from me.
I wish it didn’t affect me, but I can feel the back of my neck grow hot. I try to keep my composure, not wanting to be another silly girl that crumbles in his wake. He just barely licks his bottom lip as his gaze rakes me over.
And then his eyes return to mine again, and they’re hard once more. “That’s the look you were giving me, sweetheart.”
Oh. He called me sweetheart. I linger on that for a second, not hearing anything else really.
“Daisy?” He glares.
I smile. “You called me sweetheart.”
He rolls his eyes and repeats, “That’s the look you were giving me.”
“Oops,” I say with a noncommittal shrug. I was just staring. I wasn’t planning on jumping his bones. I wasn’t even fantasizing about his cock inside of me. Chaste. My thoughts were so chaste. Maybe not now, but they were.
“Fucking understatement.”
I stand up on the bed again so I have the height advantage. “I can freak out if you want me to.” I touch my chest theatrically. “Oh Ryke, I fucked up big time. Kill me now.” I hold out my hand towards him and bounce on the mattress again. “Apothecary, the poison.”
His lips twitch into an almost-smile. And almost-smiles from Ryke are practically grins. I’ll take ‘em. “Cute,” he says. “Just remember—”
“We’re friends,” I finish. “Platonic, non-fucking friends. I remember. And I agree, in case you forgot.”
“I didn’t forget.” He tilts his head towards my bathroom door. “I’m going to take a fucking shower and then head out. I’ll see you tonight at your sisters’ place. They’re still throwing that going away party for you?”
“Yep.” In four days, I’ll be modeling at Paris Fashion Week. One week will be for work. Three weeks in France will be for me. I nearly beam at the thought. I’ve never been allowed to tour France, and as a model, I go to all of these beautiful countries and cities, but I rarely ever see them. It’s the first time my mom isn’t chaperoning me. I know Rose convinced her to give me some space. For that, I hugged my older sister until she had to pry me off.
I plop down on the bed and hang my legs off the edge, closer to Ryke than before.
He glances at my computer on my pillow. “Have you talked to Rose about Cleo?”
I frown. “How do you know Cleo was the one on Facebook?”
“I could see the fucking screen.”
I shake my head. “I’m afraid if I tell Rose, she’ll confront Cleo and make this a bigger deal than it has to be.”
“It is a big fucking deal. This goes beyond a Facebook comment, and you know it.”
My throat closes up for a second.
Ryke glares, the silence sinking to my stomach. He waits for me to unleash more off my chest, and when he sees that I can’t produce words, he ends the conversation for me. “Just stay off social media.”
Before he takes a step towards the bathroom, my doorknob jiggles, trying to turn. “Daisy,” a prickly, feminine voice calls through the wood.
It’s unmistakable.
It’s routine.
And it’s my mother.
The only question left: Where should I hide Ryke Meadows today?
< 3 >
DAISY CALLOWAY
My mom knocks loudly. “Why do you always have to lock your door?” Because I know you have a key to my apartment and like to stop by unannounced.
Ryke stiffens and glares at the ceiling before he points to the bathroom. I’ll be in here, he mouths.
What? I mouth back and gape in mock confusion.
He flips me off and then messes my hair with his hand. It’s an innocent, playful gesture. But with my mother on one side of the door saying, “You should be awake by now. Maybe this apartment wasn’t such a good idea.” He catches himself and our bodies sort of…tense in unison.
My arm accidentally makes contact with his abs like his did earlier with my boobs. But he’s not wearing a shirt like me. So his warm skin heats my cheeks, and I feel his muscles constrict. I look up and he stares down. One of us has to step back first, but we both stay rooted.
He ends up putting on the shirt that’s in his hand, but he stands so close to me while he dresses. I watch his muscles stretch as he fits his head through the collar and arms through the holes. When the cotton falls to his waist, hiding his abs, he meets my gaze once more, as though testing to see whether that helped eliminate any unburied tension.
Nope.
In fact, I only think it heightened the pull that says to connect with his body and elevated the strain that says don’t draw away.
He fixes my hair that he just messed, combing the strands with his fingers so it doesn’t look like I had sex or something.
“Daisy, are you in there?!” my mom shouts, worry lacing her voice.
Go, I mouth to Ryke.
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and then takes a moment to unlock the bathroom door. He slips inside and gently closes it behind him.
“Sorry!” I call to my mom. I rush to unlock my bedroom door. “I told you, I just like my privacy.”
I hear her snort. “From who? You live alone.” She pauses. “Are you sure you don’t want to come back to the family house in Villanova? You’ll have more company.” She’s lonely without me. That’s what I’ve deduced from her impromptu visits at any hour during the morning, day and night. I’m her youngest child of four daughters, the last to fly the coop.
So far, Ryke and I have been pretty lucky with her barging in like this. I’ve always been too afraid to leave the door unlocked, so she’s never entered the bedroom before Ryke could escape. And I don’t have the heart to tell her to stop coming around. It’d be like saying, hey, Mom, I’m eighteen—so I don’t care about you or your opinions anymore. Thanks. That’s shit, right? I already moved out pretty quickly as it is. And I love her enough that I want her to be a part of my life. I just don’t want her to be so…consuming.
When I finally open the door, she beelines inside, wearing a navy blue dress and a strand of pearls around her neck. She’s a thin woman with a bun perfectly rounded on the back of her head. She has the same brunette hair as my sisters—and me, if my modeling agency allowed me to dye my hair back to my natural color, that is.
Her eyes ping around my messy room. Tank tops, jean shorts and shirts splay over my chair, my desk, some even on the end of my bed. I have a habit of tossing things and forgetting about them. Even when Ryke is around, I don’t clean up much. His apartment looks worse than mine, which would just give my mom another reason to hate him.
He’s too messy for you, Daisy, she’d tell me. Add that to: He has no job. He’s living off his trust fund. All he does is climb mountains and ride his motorcycle. He looks mad all the time. He’s related to that witch Sara Hale. He doesn’t even talk to his father. (My mom is Team Jonathan Hale in the Hale feud, mostly because he’s my father’s bff.) Ryke’s related to Sara bitchy Hale. (That’s her main selling point.) Oh and he’s too old for you.
The “too old” bit will come later because even though Ryke is seven years older than me, it’s not an end-all for her. She’s actually tried to pair me with a thirty-year-old before. He was loaded from holding the copyrights to some popular song. A month after I turned eighteen, I almost went on a date with him, per my mother’s arrangement. My father was the one who put his foot down.
He cares about age difference.
“I called Hilda to come here last week to clean,” she says with an upturned nose. “Did she not make it?”
“I turned her away,” I announce. “I’m trying to be more independent.” And that means not hiring a cleaning lady to fold my clothes. “Lily and Loren didn’t have Hilda stopping by their apartment.” Now they both live in Princeton, New Jersey with Rose and her husband. Not too far away to visit.
My mom scoffs. “They could clean up after themselves.” True. Her gaze drops to my stomach, and she pinches my waist. “You’re not gaining weight before Fashion Week, are you?” she criticizes.
Have I?
Before I look, she appraises me and says, “Never mind. You should be okay.” She fixes my hair that must still be tangled, running her fingers through it like it’s precious gold. “Are you sure you don’t want me in Paris with you? I can keep you company while you’re getting your makeup done.”
“I just want to see what it’s like on my own,” I say, trying not to hurt her feelings.
She gives me a weak smile, pretending to be happy for me. “I love you,” she tells me, and then she kisses my cheek. “Let’s go shopping tomorrow. Noon. I’ll have Nola pick you up.”
“Okay.”
And just when I think all is clear, as she travels back towards the door, the shower turns on.
He knows she hasn’t left yet.
My mom frowns, and her neck elongates like a prairie dog. She zeroes in on the bathroom door. “Did someone spend the night with you?”
I’m not embarrassed or mad. I almost want to laugh at the situation. God, what kind of life do I live? “It’s Lily,” I lie. “Do you want to talk to her?”
I know she’ll say no. Lily’s sex addiction is what put my father’s soda company, Fizzle, in a state of distress. The negative press affected our family in so many different ways, and most of them, my mom disapproved of. I don’t hate Lily for it, not after seeing how guilty and ashamed she was. But my mom can’t really see past the negative. She hasn’t forgiven my sister yet.
“I won’t bother her,” she says. “Keep your phone on. And don’t lock your door anymore.” She always tells me that before she leaves. After she heads out of my bedroom, I listen for the shut of my apartment door. When it comes, I enter the bathroom.
Steam coats the mirrors and fogs the air. I can’t see beyond my daisy-floral shower curtain that sticks out from the tub. I hear the splash of the water on the porcelain and spot his drawstring pants on my shaggy green rug. He’s naked in there. Well, no duh, Daisy.
“My mom almost caught you,” I tell him.
“Good,” he says. “Then she can call me a ‘disrespectful degenerate’ to my face.” Yeah, she said that the last time she was here. Ryke was hiding in the bathroom then too, and he heard every insult.
“Hey, I stuck up for you then and before that, and before that.”
“No offense,” he says, “but your mom really doesn’t fucking care about your opinions on anything.”
I can’t really take offense to his words. I know it’s true. Only two times have I ever confronted my mother with the truth. That I’d rather be doing something—anything—other than modeling. And she told me that I was being childish and ungrateful, so I shut up on the spot. If I bailed on a photo shoot at the last minute, her face would morph with an expression like that’s my daughter? That rude little snob?
Disappointing my mother is like stabbing her in the womb—the very place I used to be. There’s a metaphor in there, I think.
Ryke suddenly shuts off the shower and yanks the yellow towel from a hook. I’ve been around too many half-dressed, nearly-naked male models to be that alarmed. But it’s different when you know the person. It’s different when you have a crush on a guy beyond just his body, when you like all of him.
And I like all of Ryke Meadows.
The shower curtain whips to the side, and Ryke steps out with the towel tied low around his waist, beads of water still dripping down his toned chest and abs. I’m about to leave, to give him privacy, but he says, “Come here.”
He’s by the sink. And I watch as he opens his toothpaste and squirts a line on his toothbrush and then a line on mine. He holds out my green Oral B. I take it gratefully, and we both brush our teeth at the same time, pretending not to look at each other through the mirror, even when we do.
It’s like we’re a couple.
But we’re not. And we never can be.
Some things are too complicated to ever come to pass. I know this is one of those things.
