Текст книги "Touch Me Not"
Автор книги: Apryl Baker
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 17 страниц)
She’d been on his mind all week. Ever since she told him about Adam, he knew it was the beginning of the end of their arrangement. He’d gotten a little attached to her, but that wasn’t a bad thing. It just showed him he could eventually care for someone.
The little voice in the back of his mind snorted at his own idiocy, but he ignored it. Lily was an arrangement. That was all. He’d done his part, he’d helped her get past her fear of anyone touching her. She’d gotten Boy Wonder. Now it was time for him to get his half of the deal.
He winced just thinking about it like a deal, something dirty and sordid.
The passenger door opened, and Lily slid in and buckled her seatbelt. “Thank you for bringing me.”
“Of course,” he murmured and pulled out of the driveway.
Lily turned on the radio and surfed a few radio channels before settling on one. She didn’t say anything else the entire ride back to the hotel. Not that she needed to. He could see the thoughtful expression on her face. She had to be thinking of the afternoon. He’d seen the wonder on her face when she first realized she could give her mother a hug, and it had nearly undone him, truth be told.
When they parked the car and went upstairs, just as Nikoli had predicted, Luther drooled at the sight of the food presented to him. He grabbed it and shut the door, as if afraid they’d ask him to share.
Shaking his head, Nikoli steered Lily to their room. She said she wanted a shower, and he nodded. He opened his laptop and started going through some emails that needed attention while he waited for her to come out. Shoes and socks off, he settled himself in the chair and started scanning his emails.
He found one from Lily listing all her thoughts about his new zombie game. He just stared in amazement after he’d read through the very detailed report. She listed the good things, the things she hated, what needed to be improved, and finally her thoughts on fixing everything she took issue with. He’d never gotten such detailed feedback from any of his beta testers. The woman was amazing in so many ways.
Twenty minutes later, he heard the shower cut off, and he closed his laptop. He turned and faced the bathroom door, waiting for her to come out. Another fifteen minutes went by, and still no Lily. Maybe shaving her legs? After another ten minutes he got concerned and went over to the door. Even before he raised his hand he heard her. She was crying.
“Lily?”
No answer.
“Lily, what’s wrong?”
Still nothing but her the sound of her crying. He tried the handle and found it unlocked. She sat in the middle of the floor wrapped in a bath towel, her head on her knees. Tears streaked her face and her eyes were so sad. He knelt down in front of her and stroked her hair.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
She just shook her head. He pulled her into his lap. “Shhh, dushka, don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Instead of telling him, she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed harder. What in the hell? She was starting to scare him.
“Lily, tell me why you’re crying.” He put an edge into his voice, a tone that told her he wanted no nonsense. She would answer him.
“Kiss me,” she said instead, and he looked down into her dark blue eyes, eyes so dark they looked black.
He wanted her to tell him why she was crying, but when she looked at him like that, it undid him. He lowered his head and kissed her softly, tenderly. Her arms crept up around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. She pulled him closer. He reveled in the feel of her lips against his, their breath mingling. He ran his fingers up and down her back, relaxing and seducing her at the same time.
When he pulled away, he left her breathless, and the haunted look had fled her eyes. Now they were sleepy with lust and desire. Nikoli gathered her in his arms, stood, and walked to the bed. Putting her down, he stripped off his shirt. She looked up at him, and the trust in her face was something he’d always wanted, and the one girl he didn’t want it from was giving it to him. What the hell was he going to do about Lily Isabella Holmes?
Lily stared up at Nikoli and waited for him to do or say something. He had the oddest look on his face. She had distracted him earlier by asking him to kiss her. She couldn’t tell him she was crying because she was losing him. He’d freak. She’d made up her mind on the drive back that she would lose their bet. If all she had with Nikoli was this weekend, then she’d savor it and tuck it away to bring out when she was feeling lonely.
She loved him. It was as simple as that.
He reached down and pulled the bath towel away from her naked body and sat behind her on the bed to dry her hair. He used slow, gentle movements, and she sighed. He always made her feel so safe, so cared for. He tossed the towel after a few minutes, and she felt his lips on her neck, nuzzling. She leaned back against him and relaxed as his lips made their way down to her collarbone, his tongue swiping quick tastes here and there. He was being so tender.
His hands traveled down her arms, slid over her thighs, trailed back up her stomach, and then brushed against the underside of her breasts. She moaned and pressed against him, silently asking him for more. His hands curled around her breasts, squeezing softly before rolling her nipples. Lily arched her back, thrusting her breasts out, demanding more.
“Nikoli…”
“Shhh,” he whispered. “Don’t talk, dushka. Just let me love you.” He moved from behind her and pushed her down on the bed.
She fought her tears at his softly whispered words. She’d love him as best as she could for tonight.
“Don’t cry, Milaya,” he whispered. “Please don’t cry.”
She smiled through her tears and reached for him. “It’s okay,” she told him. “I’m happy in this moment, Nikoli. Let me love you tonight too. Please.”
He stared down at her with wide eyes and then nodded. He stood and slipped his jeans off. Lily stared up at him. He was beautiful. His skin was a rich tone, reminding her of someone from Greece more than Russia. His black eyes and hair gave him that bad boy look, one he encouraged. His body was sculpted from hours in the gym, and she loved every inch of it.
Lily sat up and held her hand out to him. He took it without hesitation, and she tugged. He smiled and lay down next to her, turning so he faced her. “What do you plan on doing, Milaya?”
“Whatever I want.” She ran her fingers lazily over his chest. “Whatever I want, Nikoli Kincaid.”
Nikoli closed his eyes and let Lily have her way. He was so proud of her. She’d spent the entire day having her family touch her, and now she was here, naked and asking to touch him. He was so very proud of his Lily Bells.
Her thumbs circled his nipple and he let out a small gasp. No one had ever affected him like Lily. The feel of her hands on his skin was driving him crazy. He wanted to flip her, bend her over the bed, and take her, but he didn’t. Instead, he lay here, letting her exploring fingers torture him. Something he’d never really allowed any other girl to do. But then he’d never trusted anyone like he did his Lily Bells.
Her warm, wet lips started to travel over his skin, and it was all he could do to hold back a moan. He opened his eyes and stared down at her. She was doing to him what he’d done to her, and he realized how hard it had been for her to stay still if she felt even an ounce of what he did now.
Her touch set off a fire inside of him, and before long he was pulling her up to meet his lips. He could only take so much of her sweet torture. She tried to protest, but he hushed her and rolled so she was beneath him. “No, Milaya. Any more of that and it’ll be over before it begins.”
She laughed, and he felt it go through every part of him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to regain some control over the urge to fuck her hard right then and there. She deserved better than that.
“Lily, I need to ask…” She shifted under him, inadvertently rubbing herself against him. “Ah, fuck, Lily, don’t move.”
Another small laugh escaped her. “What do you want to know?”
“Are you a virgin?”
“No, I’m not a virgin. Remember when I told you I got caught up in the wrong crowd after my dad died? Lost my virginity way back then, but it’s been a long time, Nikoli.”
“Well, hell,” he grumbled. That was just as bad.
“Nikoli?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re thinking too hard.” Laughter danced in her eyes.
He laughed; he couldn’t help it. Lily’s laughter was contagious. He’d never hesitated with a woman in his life, but here he was worried about hurting this one. She was warm, wet, and willing beneath him, and telling him to get on with it. No one had ever had to tell him that before.
He thrust two fingers inside of her, causing her to gasp. “Still thinking too hard?”
“No.” Her voice was low, and deep, and breathy all at the same time.
She was dripping wet, but still he hesitated. He worked her with his fingers, thrusting them in and out, his thumb rubbing her clit, listening to her moan and mutter nonsense things.
“Tell me now if you want me to stop, Milaya,” he said, his voice harder than he’d intended, but damn, he hurt with the need to get inside her.
Lily gave him the softest smile he’d ever seen and cupped his face. “I don’t want to stop, Nikoli.”
He groaned and buried his face in the crook of her neck, his tongue dragging over the sensitive skin. He slid his fingers out of her and she whimpered in protest. “You’re sure about this?”
“Yes.” The one word, full of so much want and need did him in. He grabbed a condom from the bedside table drawer and rolled it on. The hotel always stocked them there at his request. He pushed himself up and dragged Lily toward him, her legs spread over his thighs. Moisture dripped from her opening.
“Look at me, Milaya. Don’t close your eyes.”
Lily felt the shudder go through her at his command, her body automatically reacting to it. She pulled her eyes up to his and gasped at the burning desire she saw there. The hesitation on his face made her reach up, and he laced his fingers through hers. His other hand curled around her hip and pulled her to him as he slid inside her. Lily moaned at the unfamiliar burning sensation as he stretched her.
“Easy,” he murmured. “Relax, Milaya, just relax.”
Lily gasped when he pushed deeper and the burning turned to something else, something she couldn’t define. He filled her, and she felt herself clench around him, reveling in the way he groaned every time she did. She squeezed the hand still wrapped around hers as he began to move within her. His pace was slow and gentle, letting her get used to the feel and size of him as he slid through her and back out. Fire ripped through her, its heat intensifying with every second.
She pulled on the hand she held and he came down, shifting his body to keep his weight off her. His eyes met hers and she reached up to pull his head down, her lips finding his. He kissed her like it was their first kiss and their last kiss all rolled into one. Her legs wrapped around him and she let herself get lost in the feel of Nikoli moving, the sensations cascading through her, and the way his lips ate at hers, like she was the only thing keeping him breathing.
His pace became faster, harder, and Lily groaned, the sensations in her body reacting to it, the pressure building. His lips left hers and his arms slid under her, wrapping his hands over her shoulder blades, holding her steady while he drove himself into her, his thrusts deep and hard. Lily cried out, the pleasure so intense she didn’t know if she wanted to run from it or demand more. Nikoli held her in place, his hips slamming into hers.
“That’s it, baby,” he whispered in her ear, his tongue swiping the lobe as his fingers found her clit and rubbed it. “Just let go, Milaya, let go.”
The pressure inside built and built with each hard press of his thumb against her clit, each thrust into her body. When the orgasm hit, she wasn’t prepared and screamed, Nikoli’s name leaving her lips as the wave crashed into and over her entire body. She was only vaguely aware of Nikoli shouting her own name as he reached his climax. His body sagged on top of hers, his breathing as labored as her own. Lily smiled and felt herself relaxing, her body heavy and sated. This was something she’d never regret or forget.
It was several moments before Nikoli was able to gain the strength to pull out of her and roll, bringing Lily with him. He didn’t say anything, but then neither did she. Never, in all his years, had he felt anything like he had when he made love to Lily. She’d shattered him, barreled forward and knocked down every wall he’d ever put up to protect himself. Her kindness, her need to love him like he did her, had been his downfall. She’d given to him what he’d never expected any woman to give. She’d given him every part of herself, holding nothing back, and he’d done the same. Her touch had undone him.
Lily Holmes scared the hell out of him.
Chapter Eighteen
The sound of cars being revved up blanketed the night. Lily blinked and brushed the remaining sleep out of her eyes. Nikoli had shaken her awake at 3:00 a.m. and here she was an hour later, still half asleep. She’d been awake a long time after they’d made love, thinking and listening to the even sound of Nikoli’s breathing as he slept. She was running on about two hours, but the sound of the engines, the smell of the gas, it all started to wake her sleepy mind.
It wasn’t what she imagined it would be. Growing up watching The Fast and The Furious movies had permanently warped her vision of what a street race should be. It was the middle of the night, the only real lights were some drop lights scattered around, and they’d taken over the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse. She’d imagined some racetrack scenario, with spectators and fans everywhere. Not what she got.
Nikoli left her and Luther by the car while he went to check in. Luther popped the hood and busied himself inspecting the car for the thousandth time. It was ready. She almost said something, but she knew it was his way of dealing with nerves. Instead, she studied the people, their backgrounds from all over, judging from the diverse group around her.
The adrenaline and excitement on every face she saw was, however, just as she’d imagined it. People were huddled in groups around their cars, some shooting the breeze, others shit-talking each other, and she grinned. This was amazing. No wonder her father had always said he loved this more than NASCAR. She wasn’t even driving, and her adrenaline was through the roof.
“Hey, baby.” Nikoli slid his arms around her. “How are you feeling?”
“Ohmygoshthisisamazing!” The words came out in a rush, all jumbled together, and Nikoli laughed.
“That’s not what I mean,” he whispered. “I mean are you okay after last night? Sore?”
Lily felt her face flame up at the reminder, and she shot a glance to where Luther was still buried under the hood of the car. “I’m fine,” she muttered.
Nikoli laughed again and gave her another squeeze. He could see the blush spreading like wildfire along her neck and cheeks. She was adorable when she was embarrassed. “So what do you think of your first underground race?” he asked, his hand brushing against the underside of her breast. Her small gasp made him grin wider.
“Well, I thought there would be more people here, more lights, more…everything.”
Luther stood up and slammed the hood. “Oh, there are plenty of those around, Lily. This race is invite only and very hush-hush. Got to keep it on the down low.”
“Are we ready?” Nikoli let his chin rest on the top of Lily’s head.
“If we’re not, there’s nothing we can do about it now.” Luther checked his watch. “You got five minutes to get in the car and get it to the starting line.”
“Luther, don’t let her out of your sight.” He turned Lily around and bent down to give her a quick kiss. “Wish me luck, baby.”
“Good luck,” she said, a ghost of a smile on her face. She seemed sad this morning, and Nikoli wanted to reassure her, but he couldn’t. He had the feeling she knew, like he did, this was their last weekend together. He had no idea how to comfort her when he was having issues coming to terms with it himself.
Instead of dwelling, he released her and slid behind the wheel of the car they’d labored over for this race. He started the engine, revved it a few times, and then pulled out, leaving Lily and Luther in his rear view mirror.
“Come on, Lily.” Luther took her arm and started to pull her closer to where the cars were lined up, despite the fact she stiffened up. She might be better, but she wasn’t cured. “We’ll wait up here so we can see them when they circle back and cross the finish the line.”
“How long does the race usually take?” Her eyes took in everything as she disentangled herself from Luther’s grip. A hint of her panic crept up her spine, but she took several deep breaths and made herself calm down.
“Depends,” Luther said, eyeballing the other cars. “It could be ten minutes or it could be a couple hours. The route is preprogrammed into the GPS. Nikoli got it when he signed in a few minutes ago. No one knows the route until they get in the car and plug the GPS in. Last year it was a thirty minute race.”
The engines revved up, and without warning they all squealed tires and sped off into the early morning darkness. Lily’s eyes widened. She’d expected someone up front to be waving a green flag or something.
Luther laughed at her expression. “We are ruining your expectations, huh?”
Lily nodded, nonplussed. This was not at all what she’d expected.
“We’ll take you to a race that will reaffirm all those expectations,” Luther said, laughing. “This one is for major money.”
Lily shot him a smile tinged with sadness. She highly doubted she’d be going to any other races with them, but she pushed those thoughts down and started counting the minutes.
Nerves ate at her. The last race she’d been to was the one that cost her father his life. He’d plowed into a wreck on the track, been hit by another car and pushed into the wall, trapped and unable to move when the next few cars slammed into the wreckage. Lily didn’t like to dwell on it because then she’d start thinking of if he’d been unconscious or if he’d been awake and in pain as he’d died. It always ripped her to shreds imagining all the what-ifs.
She couldn’t help but think about it now, though. Nikoli was racing, and even though this wasn’t a track, it was still dangerous. Maybe even more dangerous than an organized race like NASCAR. Worry for Nikoli consumed her, but she tried to keep it from showing. Luther was nervous enough for both of them.
After forty-five minutes, the wait started to get to Luther. He’d taken to pacing, as had several other people milling around. He’d been nervous before, but now he was clearly getting worried. The later it got, the more the city started to wake up. Soon, it would be next to impossible for the racers to hide from the police and the helicopters. That was another worry of Lily’s. They’d both impressed upon her how important it was to not get caught, given who they were. This was how they financed their business, and it would be bad for business to get arrested for being involved in an illegal race.
Another fifteen minutes went by before the sound of loud engines could be heard. Luther grabbed Lily and pulled her well out of the way. Before she could protest, she saw the first of four cars fighting for first place. They were all over the road, pushing each other, angling to try and get around the ones in front of them. Lily squinted and spotted Nikoli in third place. Her heart nearly stopped when one of the cars slammed into his, forcing him off the road, but he recovered and shot back up to where he was.
Luther cursed rather violently while they watched Nikoli fight to gain control of the second position. He swerved and slammed his car into the same Dodge Charger that had forced him off the road. The Charger’s driver lost control of the car and spun out, flipping, taking the fourth car down with him. All that was left was the Mach 1 and the 1974 Chevelle. Neither looked willing to give an inch, both ramming into each other.
Lily bit down on her knuckles to keep from shouting. Luther leaned forward as they got closer, muttering something she couldn’t make out. She didn’t care. Her eyes were glued to the battling vehicles, their intent to win clear in their aggressive driving.
Closer and closer they came, each pulling out into the lead for a brief few seconds before being overtaken. She knew how important this race was Luther and Nikoli, but she didn’t think they were going to win. She’d been watching the other driver and knew for a fact he wasn’t showing his hand. The car sat up just a little higher in the front which told her there were modifications that could boost the speed under that hood. No racer worth a grain of salt would do a speed boost until the very end.
“He’s not going to win,” Lily whispered, which made Luther glower at her. “Well, he’s not. The other car still has a speed boost left.”
“How do you know that?” Luther asked, a growl behind his words.
“I know cars, Luther,” she said, still watching the fight. “Trust me on this.”
Luther pulled out a small radio and started shouting into it. Lily’s eyebrows rose. If he’d been able to talk to Nikoli before, why had he waited and worked himself up into such a nervous wreck?
Before Lily realized what was happening, Nikoli pulled ahead and then drifted right hard, forcing the other car to swerve. The Chevelle’s rear end slammed into Nikoli, and both cars started spinning out of control. They were simply going too fast. Lily watched, horrified as both cars bounced off each other again. That final hard slam sent Nikoli’s Mach 1 over the finish line, while the Chevelle hit the side of the building, smashing the front end up into the dash.
Nikoli’s car came to a halt and Lily ran, despite Luther shouting for her to wait. She needed to see that he was okay, that he wasn’t dead. The car took a beating, and she knew Nikoli had as well. The door was flung open, and she reached him just as he fell out onto the pavement. Dropping to her knees, she grabbed his face and pulled it up so she could see his eyes. He gave her a half smile before dragging her closer for a kiss full of fear, passion, and need. It left them both breathless. He stared at her in shock when he pulled away from her.
“I love you,” she blurted out, and Nikoli blinked. She knew she’d shocked him. She could see the shock in his eyes. She hadn’t meant to say that. God, she hadn’t meant to, but how was she going to take it back?
Lily started to say something, but the smell caught her attention. It was a mixture of gasoline and nitrogen. Her father warned her if she smelled that to run as fast as she could. She looked over to the Chevelle and saw them struggling to get the driver out.
She stood up and ran over. “Luther, get your ass over here and help us get him out before this thing blows!” She pulled out her small pocketknife and concentrated on getting the seatbelt off him while others yanked the door off and pulled the seat back so they could drag the guy from the car. She felt Nikoli at her back and looked to see him struggling to help them with the seat. He only gave her a grin when she sent a glare his way. He should be sitting down, not trying to help.
The guys managed to pull the seat back and free the driver’s legs. Lily took a step back so they could drag him out of the car. Luther tossed her the keys to the Lexus and then jumped in the Mach 1. Nikoli headed for the Lexus, and Lily stared after Luther for a minute before hurrying to catch up with Nikoli. He slid in the passenger seat, and Lily got in the driver’s side.
“Drive,” he bit out before she could say anything.
Lily did as she was told without another word. She knew the police would be here soon, and they needed to be gone. He directed her down several side streets and through two alleys before they emerged onto the main highway. Lily pulled over at a gas station about ten minutes later and turned to assess the damage.
Nikoli had several nasty bruises, and a cut on his forehead was still bleeding heavily. She popped open the glove box and took out the first aid kit they’d stored there yesterday. Nikoli grumbled when she cleaned the wound and then closed it up with butterfly bandages.
When she was satisfied she’d done as much as she could with what she had, she closed the kit and gave him a once over. She knew without asking, he wouldn’t go to the hospital.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “Is there anything I can get you?”
“A bottle of water would be nice,” Nikoli told her, seeing the worry in her eyes. She nodded and got out of the car to go into the gas station. He let out a small sigh of relief. He’d won. It had been close, and he owed that to Lily. Luther warned him the guy was about to launch a speed boost, and Nikoli would have been sunk if that happened. Thank God she knew so much about cars, especially race cars.
When she’d kissed him, Nikoli realized two things. She loved him, but more importantly, he loved her. He felt how much she loved him in the way she’d kissed him. She’d put everything in that kiss she didn’t dare say out loud. Not only had he responded, but he’d put just as much into the kiss as she had. He loved her, and it terrified him.
Then she’d gone and told him she loved him. The kiss had told him that already, but then her blurted confession confirmed it.
He didn’t know how to respond to that.
This road was a familiar one for him. Sure, Lily hadn’t asked him for anything, but who was to say that down the road, as she got her claws sunk deeper into him, that she wouldn’t become just like every other woman? He’d misjudged one woman once, and he wasn’t about to put himself in that position again. He couldn’t do that to himself, no matter how much he loved Lily. He couldn’t take the risk of feeling that heartbreak again.
Lily opened the car door and gave him the water, along with a few wet paper towels. He cleaned up his face and then swallowed half the bottle in one long pull.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” she fussed. “You could have internal injuries. Maybe we should go to the hospital?”
“No.” He shook his head. “They’ll be checking the ERs and local clinics looking for injuries from a car accident. I can’t go there. I’m fine, Lily, really. Just get us back to the hotel room so I can lay down.”
She started the car and pulled back into the flow of traffic. Nikoli closed his eyes and winced when she hit a rough patch in the road. He didn’t think he had any internal injuries, but he was sore and felt every bump. It would be a relief to just lie down in the bed for a while.
It took a little over an hour to reach the hotel because of early morning traffic, but Luther was waiting when Lily parked the car. He helped Nikoli out and started to lead him through a side door Lily hadn’t seen before. It was a back entrance only the staff used, but there was an elevator a few feet in front of the door. Once they got Nikoli to his room and settled in bed, Luther headed out, saying he needed to make arrangements for the car.
Lily sat down on the chair across from the bed and watched him sleep. He’d fallen out minutes after his head hit the pillow. Lily worried about a concussion, but he hadn’t shown any signs of one. He wasn’t dizzy or seeing double, and his eyes had been focused. Still, she worried, so she watched him for any signs of trouble.
She still couldn’t believe she’d been stupid enough to tell him she loved him. The look of shock in his eyes worried her. Even though she hadn’t meant for the words to slip out, she was glad they were out there. Sometimes, she thought Nikoli loved her as much as she loved him, but she couldn’t be sure. She loved him enough to risk her heart being broken.
It was a risky bet and one she didn’t know if she’d win.
When Nikoli opened his eyes several hours later, he saw Lily curled up in the chair she’d dragged close to the bed. She smiled softly when she saw him staring at her. His heart clenched, knowing what he was about to do to her. She didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t risk his heart again. He just couldn’t.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” she said. “I was starting to get worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “Give me a few minutes, Lily Bells. Then we need to talk.” He got up and headed to the bathroom. He slowed down as soon as his injuries caught up to him. He’d been slammed into the car door more times than he could count. Sure enough, once he took his shirt off, he saw the bruise that ran the length of his arm and wrapped around his shoulder.
He turned on the shower and then slipped in a minute later, letting the hot water hit the bruises on his body to help soothe the sore muscles. How was he going to break her heart? How was he going to look into the eyes of the woman he loved and tell her he didn’t love her? How had he gotten into this mess in the first place?
All because he was determined to have the one woman who not only ignored him, but inspired a hunt like no other. She ran, and he chased. When he caught her, he found not a sly fox, but a sweet and innocent young woman who truly epitomized the meaning of a good person. He hadn’t been prepared for her. She made him laugh, made him question his own sense of self. She made him want to be a better person.
And despite all that, he was still going to break her.
Shutting off the shower, he dried off and put on the clean pair of jeans and t-shirt he’d left in here this morning for his after-race shower. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Lily was still sitting where he’d left her, but she was staring off into space, deep in thought.
He walked over and sat down on the bed. “We need to talk, Lily.”
She smiled up at him, and it nearly did him in. There was so much hope on her face.
“Yes, we do,” she said. “I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but I was scared, and then you were safe and I couldn’t help it. I do love you, Nikoli. I have for a long time.”
