Текст книги "Claiming Her"
Автор книги: Alexis Noelle
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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 9 страниц)
Chapter Four
Nina
I sit down on the couch as far away from him as possible. I’m trying to be stubborn and not eat his stupid pizza, but it smells so damn good. I cave to the fat monster inside of me and take a bite. An involuntary moan escapes my mouth and my eyes dart to Jake instantly to see if he noticed.
By the big ass smile on his face, I would say he did. I finish the piece in record time then turn to face him. “I ate, but I still don’t want you here.”
I hear him laugh before he looks up at me. He stands and walks in front of me. His finger traces my jawline making my entire body pay attention. My skin heats as his touch disappears. “It’s a shame you’re such a shit liar, Sparky. Besides I brought a movie.” How the hell does he know I’m lying? I have tirelessly perfected my poker face over the years. How can he see through me so easily?
He disappears. A movie? Where the hell did this guy come from? No wonder he has such bad luck with girls, he can’t take no for an answer. “I just don’t get it.” I stand up and face him. “Why won’t you just go?” He doesn’t answer me. I walk to where he is in the kitchen. “I’m talking to you! What is your damn problem? I have asked you a million times to just—“
His mouth crashes to mine. I’m backed against the kitchen counter, and there is no escape, not that I want one. His tongue forces its way into my mouth, taking full control as his hands grip my ass and lift me up to sit on the granite. He pulls back, placing hard kisses down my jaw and then his lips trail over my neck. I throw my head back in pleasure. I’ve never had this feeling. Like I will combust any damn minute. Then he stops. I look down at him in confusion.
“That’s why I won’t leave. No matter how much this sexy ass mouth says no, this sinful body is screaming yes. I’m okay with hanging out until they get on the same page.” His hands skim up my sides before lifting me up and setting me back on my feet. He takes my hand and walks me into the living room, leaving me standing by the couch as he puts in the DVD.
It's like I’m frozen. I don’t fall for guys. Mostly because everyone who has ever tried to get close to me is pushed away after the first hello. His determination scares me.
Jake walks back to me, sits down, and pulls me next to him. For the first time, I don’t fight him. I sit there but make no move to touch him. My head is so jumbled, and I can barely think straight. This is why I need to fight any feelings I might have. I can't let him in and risk hurting someone else. I don’t deserve to have anyone. I had Carly, and she’s gone because of me.
He’s toxic and dangerous. He is the reason I could lose everything I have worked for. He could also be the one to pull me from the darkness. I don’t want that, though; the darkness is safe. You can’t see the monsters in the darkness.
The movie starts and with the eerie music, I can tell it is a scary movie. Great. Add another plus to this night. I hate scary movies. Life is filled with enough bad shit as it is.
His arm wraps around my shoulders pulling me close to him. I move to push him away, but I don’t. It would be nice to have one night where I didn’t have to bear the weight of the wall that I’ve built. A night where I can be normal and not broken. I give in to him, letting my head rest on his shoulder. I’m playing with fire here, tempting fate, embracing the devil. And it feels good. His hand slowly strokes my long hair, and my body loses the last bit of tension in it.
“Sorry I’m so late!” I jump from the loud voice. I look over at Jake, and there is a pillow on his lap, when I look at the TV the credits are rolling. I fell asleep. “Well, well, what is going on here?” Tina has a huge smile on her face.
“I um…I.” I have no words. I let myself slip. My weakness took over.
“Well, I’ll see you soon, Sparky.” Jake stands up before leaning down and placing a quick kiss on my lips. He says a quick bye to Tina before leaving.
Tina runs over to the couch. “What happened? This morning you were still so against him. Then I walk in to find you spooning his junk.”
“Spooning his junk? Really?” She just shrugs waiting for my explanation. “I don’t know what happened. After arguing with him multiple times, he snaked his way in here with pizza and a movie. I guess I fell asleep.” I’m not going to tell her about what happened in the kitchen. She’s a bad influence. My mind wanders to the memory though. The way his hands felt on me. It was like he was everywhere, surrounding me.
“What the hell are you thinking about? With the way you just turned red and got all googly eyed I’m gonna say you did more than just fall asleep, hooker.” She nudges my shoulder and I give no indication as to whether she is right or not. “I don’t get it, babe, I mean I have never seen you even give a guy a second look. You obviously like, or at least are curious about this guy. What is holding you back?”
“I just don’t want to deal with a relationship now.” Relationships mean sharing things with another person. Personal things, memories, family stuff, everything I have tried to bury. “I was perfectly fine before Flash walked into my life, and I’ll be perfectly fine once he is gone.”
“Flash?” She starts to laugh. “That reminds me, what is up with the Sparky thing?”
“Ugh, God, don’t even ask.” She arches her eyebrow at me, and I know that there is no way that she will drop this. “Fine, he said it's because I’m always so feisty.”
She gets up and starts walking to her room. “I like this guy, he can go toe to toe with you. He’ll be good for you.”
Or he’ll destroy me.
Chapter Five
Nina
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I groan as my finger swipes the screen and silences the sounds of pure evil. I glance at the clock, 5:30AM. I’m not getting up; this is insane. Screw this I’m going back to sleep. I pull the covers over my head before they are ripped away from me.
“Somehow I knew I would end up needing to drag your ass out of bed. Come on, Sparky.” Tina laughs. Oh great, now she is going to start calling me that.
I huff and puff the entire time I am getting dressed. “Why in the name of all things holy did it have to be a six a.m. class?” I pout at her hoping she will decide to leave me here.
“Because it’s a good way to wake your ass up and I can’t do any of the other times.” She hands me a water bottle, and I begrudgingly take it from her. “Let’s go!” She practically skips out the door. People like her should be given a sedative until normal people are ready to be functional.
I close my eyes in the car, falling back to sleep. A forceful nudge wakes me up. “You better wake up, girl. I heard this class is no cake walk.” Awesome.
We walk in and see a guy with his back to us talking to about five other girls. Tina and I put our stuff down then walk over to everyone. One of the girls makes eye contact and says hi. When the guy turns around I curse every God in the world. Jake. When he notices us he smiles, his hands resting on his hips in that cocky way that he always does.
I turn to Tina. “You’re not funny. What the fuck?” I whisper.
“Did I not mention that Jake taught this class? He told me about it the other night.” She smiles before greeting the group.
My bad mood just tripled. The music turns up, and he instructs everyone to line up. Being the newbies, Tina and I move to the back. Jake goes through the warm-ups, which don’t seem so bad. It’s a mix of push-ups, suicides, and sit-ups for five minutes. It’s like high school gym class all over again. I got this shit. Every time I run I feel his eyes on me. My senses are on high alert, and it is so hard to focus on the task at hand.
“Time’s up!” Jake shouts and his loud voice makes me jump. He makes his way back to the front of the room, and I can’t help but check him out. He is wearing a tight black t-shirt and red basketball shorts. His huge biceps look as if they might bust through the straining material making every girl in here a happy camper.
Everyone starts to move and grab the barbells. Great, I was daydreaming and now have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. Tina calls me over, and I quickly catch up with her.
“We are sharing a spotter. Girl, get your head out of the hormone clouds.” Jake announces that we are doing back squats with the bars and then demonstrates the proper form. I can’t help but watch his ass as he squats down, and the fabric stretches tight over it. My core aches in a way I am not used to. This is insane. I can’t be here. Tina goes first, and when she is done with her set, I position myself under the bar. Standing up, I bear its weight on my shoulders before squatting down.
When I stand straight, I know he is behind me. “Nina, when you squat you want to lean forward more. Pretend there is a chair you are trying to sit on.” He goes to walk around me before leaning in close to me. “Stick that beautiful ass out a little more.”
I look around to see if anyone noticed and everyone is oblivious, even Tina. My eyes are watching him as my body is screaming for him to touch me. I squat down trying to take his direction as he watches me from the side. His tongue traces the line of his bottom lip as his eyes are glued to my ass. I complete my other three reps before returning the bar. Holy shit.
A part of me is scared by the way Jake looks at me. I’m so inexperienced, and I’d be willing to bet that he isn’t. I don’t want to be attracted to him, but I am. Fighting it sucks.
I am not going to make it through this whole class. Watching him watch me, is sexy. I look over at my so called best friend and see her smiling at me. “We aren’t friends anymore.”
She finishes her set. “Yeah, okay, bitch. Tell me that when you two finally do the dirty.”
My mouth drops open. “Not going to happen.” I return to do my next set.
“Girl, the way that man is looking at you, I half expect him to bend you over one of these benches the next time you squat. And it isn’t one sided, Mother Theresa.”
“You’re delirious.”
“Yeah, and you’re horny and in denial.” She laughs before taking a drink of water. Tina has no idea that I’m a virgin, so she probably thinks I’m chomping at the bit to have sex with Jake
After finishing our strength set, Jake announces we are on our last section of the class called “metcon.” “Get ready for hell, girls.” Jake jokes as he walks past us.
We are instructed to grab kettle bells for swings. He explains that this will last as long as it takes us to complete the goal. We have to do 100 burpees, whatever the hell they are, stopping to do twenty swings every other minute. I ask Jake what a burpee is, and he shows me real quick. This shouldn’t be that bad.
I was wrong. Very wrong. Burpees are the spawn of Satan. I can’t feel my legs, and I can barely lift my arms as I stumble toward the car. I sit down wincing and groaning with every muscle movement. My phone buzzes, and it’s a text from a number I don’t know.
I’ll be by tonight to help work out those sore muscles, Sparky.
How the hell did he get my number? I look over at my friend and instantly know. “Why the hell would you give him my number?”
“To help speed this process up. There is so much sexual tension between the two of you, it’s making me horny.” She shakes her head before starting the car and heading for the house.
She doesn’t get it.
I can’t let him in.
Chapter Six
Nina
Kill. Me. Now.
Everything hurts. Things I didn’t know could hurt, hurt. I mean, whose boobs are sore after a workout? It even hurts to arch my eyebrows. I don’t know what the hell kind of a workout that was, but it should be illegal. Thank God we live in an apartment because there are no steps. Although I’m sure the neighbors had a ball watching us climb the flight of steps outside exclaiming “ow” with each movement. I can’t even go to the bathroom in peace because bending down is not a possibility. It’s basically hover then drop. How do people do this all the time?
A knock sounds at the door, and I groan. Tina is taking a nap, and I can’t bear to get up. “It’s unlocked unless you are a machete wielding psycho. In that case, there are three locks and a high-tech security system!” I know it's risky just to invite someone in, but it’s probably Sam or Jules. That, and by the time I got to the door they would have probably left.
The door opens, and it’s Jake. Of course it is. I hold my hand up to him as he comes in. “I have no energy and am in no way capable of doing this tonight. Please have mercy on my physically challenged soul.”
He laughs and walks toward me. “That sore, huh?” I nod. “Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the second day it is always worse.”
“Fuck you. There is no way it can get worse than this.”
“Chill out Sparky. I knew you would be sore; that’s why I’m here.” He pulls a bottle of lotion out of his cargo pants pocket. “How about a little role reversal? Just like the first time we met. If you want to make it authentic, feel free to flash me.” He winks. Ass.
“There is no way I am agreeing to that.”
“Fine, flashing is optional. But don’t deny that you need a massage, your muscles are probably so tight they feel like they might snap.”
I don’t reply for a minute. He’s right. I am hurting so damn bad. “No, funny business.” I arch my eyebrow at him making sure he understands that I’m serious.
“Ma'am, yes, ma’am.” He salutes, eliciting a laugh from me that is quickly followed by an ouch. Even laughing hurts.
I roll ungracefully onto the carpeted floor. Getting up and then lying down would have been way more work than I am up for right now. I roll onto my stomach moaning with the movement of each muscle. “Uh, I feel like you’re a little overdressed.”
I look over at Jake, and he is smiling at me. “There is no way you are getting me naked.”
“Understood, however, how can I massage your back in a t-shirt?” He has a point.
“Turn around,” I say in my no nonsense voice, and he listens. I loudly yelp as I pull the t-shirt over my head. I had put on a sports bra earlier to help keep my boobs in place and lessen the pain. It probably covers more than a bathing suit would. I lay back down making sure everything is tucked away. “Okay, this is as good as it’s getting.”
I close my eyes knowing that I can’t watch him do this. I know his hands on me will set me on fire. Watching him while he does it will light an unmanageable flame. I feel the lotion pool on my back, and I inhale deeply at the cold sensation. His hands spread it around, his fingers gently pressing and relaxing my tense muscles. It hurts but feels so damn good at the same time.
All kinds of moans and groans are coming out of me, and if I didn’t need this massage so bad, I would probably be embarrassed enough to stop. When his hands move down to my legs, gently but firmly working my thighs my entire body is on alert. When his fingers skim the bottom of my shorts, I realize how close he is to my core. The one that he has had screaming for him on multiple occasions. Get a grip, Nina. I need to remember that this can only be a friendship between us. He wants more, and I realize I do too. Unfortunately, neither of us will get what we want.
You can’t give someone something that you don’t have. I don’t have the capacity to be in a relationship. To be with someone and give them a piece of you. Carly took half of me with her, and I have worked hard to bury the other half. I haven’t had a problem with the way I lived my life for the past six years. Then comes Jake and everything is changing. He makes me want things I swore off. Like sex. Never had it and I don’t plan to, that’s not to say I haven’t given myself orgasms. The difference is that sex is just too intimate, especially since it would be my first time. It requires sharing a part of you with someone. Screw that.
His hands release me, and my body feels so good I don’t dare move. “You fall asleep?” I shake my head. Another knock at the door sounds and Jake gets up to answer it. He’s answering my door now? This thing is snowballing. I would get up and beat him to the punch, but there is no way I’d make it there fast enough.
When I see him walk by me with bags, I’m confused. “What’s that?”
“I knew you girls wouldn’t be able to move tonight, so I ordered food for the three of us.” He begins to unpack different containers.
“How did you know I would let you in?”
“Call it intuition. I can read you like a book, Sparky.” That’s what scares me.
I groan as I force myself up from the floor although my muscles do feel a little better. I text Tina from my phone not willing to take the extra steps to knock on her door. “Thanks for dinner, again.”
He smiles at me. “Get used to it. As much as you may try, you aren’t getting rid of me.”
He takes his plate into the living room as I begin to make mine. Not getting rid of him. I wish I didn’t have to. I can’t give him any kind of normalcy. I’m so screwed up, and I would only bring him down with me. I need to change his mind.
I need to make him hate me.
Chapter Seven
Nina
I wake up with a clear head and it is evident that Jake isn’t backing off. I also know that if I let things continue on this course that I will give in to him sooner or later. After we ate last night, he hung out with Tina and me. We watched a movie and talked about random things. He is worming his way into my everyday activities. I have one option left, and that’s to completely shut him out. No more coming over. No more text messages. Nothing.
Step one is that I block his number in my phone. Step two is to make sure that Tina understands I’m serious and not to go behind my back. “I need you to promise me, T.”
She shakes her head. “Why are you sabotaging yourself? He might be good for you. You’ll never know if you just shut everyone out. It isn’t healthy. Just consider that giving him a chance might be a good idea.”
“A good idea? I bet the people on the Titanic thought that taking a cruise would be a good idea. Didn't seem to work out for them, though.” I throw my hands up in frustration that she doesn’t get it.
“You did not just compare yourself to a Titanic victim. You need a damn reality check, girl. The only person hurting you right now is yourself. That boy has been chasing you around and been putting himself out there for days even after constant rejection. If he were some asshole who didn’t care, he would be long gone by now.” Her voice is tight, and I can tell she is frustrated with me.
She doesn’t get it, though. I’m not scared that he doesn’t care; I’m scared that he does. “I have to go to work. Please back me up on this?”
“Whatever, psycho, it’s your life.” She gives me a dismissive wave before walking away. On the drive to work, I can’t help but wonder how he will react. Will he finally give up? A sick part of me hopes he doesn’t.
As I pass Kelly, she hands me another box. I take it knowing exactly who it’s from. Once I get into my room, I place it on the counter watching it like it might explode. This box is much smaller than the others and square. I notice a card and pick it up.
Maybe this will help improve your mood.
He doesn’t sign his name but he doesn’t need to. I open the box and can’t help but smile. It’s a Starbucks gift card, the actual card is multicolored with the phrase “Coffee makes you smile” on it. He really is a great guy. I hope he moves on and finds someone who is worthy of his feelings.
My day drags by as my head is jumbled with thoughts of Jake and memories of my sister. I buried that stuff long ago but since I met him I have been thinking of her more and more. My guilt over losing her is so consuming that at times I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s my fault she’s gone. I could have stopped her. I was selfish. I was too worried about going out, having fun, dating. My own ignorance cost my sister her life. This is why a relationship with Jake would never work. I can’t love someone else when I hate myself.
When my shift finally ends I sit in my car forever. I don’t want to go home. I know he’ll be there, and if he isn’t, I know Tina will grill me. She doesn’t know anything about Carly or my life before I moved here. My phone rings and I see that it’s Sam. Samantha Chase is one of the biggest pop stars in the US. I was her hair stylist and the two of us became really close. When she decided to leave LA and move here she convinced me to come with her. I had avoided this town for so long, because there are so many memories of Carly here. I agreed to move with her before I figured out that the place she was going was my hometown, that’s my luck though.
“Hey.” My voice is quieter than normal. I’m hoping she doesn’t notice.
“Hey, girl, what’s been going on? I’m coming home in two days, so I thought we could get together for dinner.” Her voice is cheery as usual.
“Sure, hey, my other line is beeping. Can I call you back?”
“Yeah, no problem! Talk to you soon.” I end the call without saying another word. My head falls into my hands, and I decide to go to the one place that feels like home.
As I walk up to her headstone, my stomach drops. My hand traces the script engraved in the stone. It’s been so long since the night I lost her, but it still feels like yesterday.
I bounce into Carly’s room and see that she’s sleeping, again. All she ever wants to do anymore is sleep. I swear these past few months I don’t even know her anymore. “Car, you going to come to homecoming tonight? Riley texted me and said that he can’t wait to see me! I need to pick out the perfect thing to wear.”
She doesn’t open her eyes.
“I know you hear me! You have got to stop sulking! You’re so depressing, it isn’t funny. Where the hell did my fun twin go?”
Still no response. I’m starting to get pissed off.
I pick up one of her stuffed animals on the floor and chuck it at her face. It simply bounces off of her and knocks over something on the end table. I bend down and notice it’s her Ambien pills; the doctor gave them to her because she was having trouble sleeping at night. The bottle is empty, though, and mom just sent me to pick these up yesterday. A chill runs up my spine.
NO!
I clasp her face. “Carly! Carly, wake up!” Her skin is cold to the touch, and she isn’t responding. “Car, please! I’m sorry for being a bitch these past couple months! Please wake up!” I lay my head on her chest trying to listen for her heartbeat, but deafening silence surrounds me. “Mom!” I shriek as I collapse on top of my sister.
It’s my fault.
I’m so sorry, Carly.
I’ll never forgive myself.
I sit down on the grass and pull my knees to my chest, laying my head on the cold stone. “I miss you so much. If you were here, everything would be so different. When you died, a part of me did too. You were my sister, my other half. Nothing has felt right since the day I lost you. I should have been there for you. I saw how depressed you were. I just thought that it was you being moody. I should have forced you to talk to me. I shouldn’t have accepted you telling me it was nothing.” Tears stream down my face. “You deserved better. If I cared more, if I wasn’t so self-centered, I could have stopped you. I could have helped you, and we could have fought your demons together.”
I wipe my eyes looking up to the sky where I know my sister is an angel. “I can’t let him in, Car. I can’t have someone else depend on me. I can’t let anyone else down the way that I did you. I’ll never forgive myself for losing you.”
I hear a noise behind me and jump. When I turn around, I gasp.
Jake.
