Текст книги "Transcending Darkness"

Автор книги: Airicka Phoenix

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 36 страниц)

Killian returned to her side of the bed and took a seat next to her hip. His free hand parted her sore thighs and filled the space in between with the damp square of fabric. The icy coldness of it made her squeak and jolt, but he remained firmly pressed against her tender sex.

“You should’ve told me,” he muttered. “I would’ve taken better care.”

Juliette studied the man gingerly cleaning her with a gentleness she would never have expected.

“Would you have?”

He shot her a glance. “No. I would’ve taken you home. I don’t bed children.”

Juliette blinked. “I’m not a child! I’m twenty three.”

His eyes narrowed. “And you’re still a virgin?” He shook his head. “What the hell were you waiting for?”

“I wasn’t waiting for anything. I just never had anyone I wanted to give myself to before.”

Not entirely the truth, but not entirely a lie either. She had wanted to give it to Stan. After that, she never had time for sex and it had never been an issue.

“Christ,” was all he said.

“It wasn’t really that bad, was it?”

His gaze stayed on her face for much longer this time. “No, but that isn’t the point,” he said at last. “I could have hurt you.”

“You were wonderful,” she assured him softly.

He looked away. “Again, not the point.”

“Thank you,” she murmured for lack of anything better.

“For hurting you? You’re welcome.”

She grabbed his wrist when he rose to his feet. “You didn’t hurt me. It really was amazing.”

He searched her face and settled on her lips before letting his gaze roam down the length of her splayed across his bed. The appendage hanging between his legs hardened and Juliette didn’t miss it. Her skin prickled with heat and awareness. Her breasts swelled as her nipples tightened.

Christ, she wanted him again.

“Get dressed.”

It was stupid, but she hadn’t expected that. Judging from the dark heat in his eyes to the fully hardened cock at his midsection, she had honestly believed he would join her again. Instead, he was turning away from her.

Disappointment and an irrational twang of hurt built up inside her chest as she bit her lip and sat up. The chill that swept through the room made her painfully aware of her nakedness and she reached for the rumpled sheets. The fabric rustled too loudly in the silence as she drew it around herself in some weird attempt at protecting the rest of her tattered dignity.

“Can I use your washroom first?” she asked.

Without looking at her, he nodded before moving towards the open terrace.

Gripping the sheets tight, Juliette made her way to the bathroom and slipped inside.

It was as lavish as she would have expected of such a grand place. Ivory and gold gleamed under sharp lights, drenching the inlaid Jacuzzi built into one wall, a glass shower in the other and a counter with two sinks taking up the third. It was five times the size of hers. It even had a bench wedged between the Jacuzzi and the sinks. There was a trash bin next to the toilet, a row of folded towels on a rack next to the shower and an assortment of man products cluttered neatly on the counter. But it was the plush bathroom mat that really sold her. She could practically burrow into the thing and sleep.

Still wondering why anyone needed a bathroom that big, she moved to the sink. She washed up the best she could before leaving the room to find Killian at the veranda once more. He stood stark naked with both hands curled around the wrought iron railing. Tension pulled at the bulging muscles along his back, making them ripple with his frustration. She wondered what he was thinking about. She wondered if she should say something. Not sure what the protocol was for moments like that, she went to her clothes instead. She scooped them up off the floor and straightened. She jumped to find Killian standing right behind her, beautiful, naked, and hard. The latter had her heart leaping. Her core muscles clenched and she had to bite down hard on her lip to keep from making a sound. She clutched her clothes to her chest in some pathetic attempt to muffle the erratic cracks of her heart.

“Hi,” she whispered for lack of anything better.

Killian didn’t move. He stayed directly in her path, forcing her to tilt her chin and meet the exasperation and lust crackling across his face. Her body gave a shiver of longing that it had no right to considering she could feel the tenderness pulsing between her legs. But the twang wasn’t all pain, she realized with a start. There was a familiar pulse of want there that surprised her.

He was suddenly on her. His mouth cut viciously against hers as she was lifted and dumped unceremoniously on the bed once more. The sheets were torn away, leaving her naked and vulnerable before the wolf. She barely managed a gasp when he forced apart her thighs and filled them with his hips.

“Tell me to stop!” he snarled at her.

Hurting with the force of her need for him, Juliette wound her legs around his ribs and locked her ankles in place at his back.

“No.” She licked her lips. “Please don’t.”

Chapter 5

The silence seemed somehow impossibly too loud as seconds passed. In the space next to him, Juliette lay with her face mashed into the pillow. Her back rose and fell but not with the same intensity as it had only moments before. The smooth curve of her spine glistened with sweat and held the remnants of their love making.

Sex, Killian reminded himself. He didn’t make love. He didn’t do gentle. Making love implied emotions and he did not possess that ability. He didn’t have the luxury. Love and family were a liability he couldn’t afford. It was why he never chose virgins. Why the women he took to his bed always had experience and knew what to expect.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure he would have stopped even if he had known about Juliette. Being inside her, buried in all that wet heat had been irresistible and addictive … and dangerous, like leaping off a bridge with only a piece of thread keeping him from hitting the jagged rocks below. It had been an unimaginable thrill, one he knew he needed to step away from before he forgot why he had rules. He had already broken too many of them for her. But no more. She needed to get away from him.

Yet he made no move to make it happen. He lay there, propped on his elbow, transfixed by the shape of Juliette’s silhouette half concealed beneath the sheets. Her hair was a tangled riot tumbling across the pillow, the color of pale yellow under the light of the lamp. He knew from memory that the rich strands smelled of wildflowers and felt like silk. But it was nothing compared to her skin. The miles of pale, supple flesh had felt like satin gliding beneath his fingers. He had especially loved the feel of her wrapped around him as he drove into her with the urgency of a wild animal. And she had let him. God, she had begged for more. Again and again, until she had passed out from exhaustion.

Against his will, his fingertips ghosted the smooth slant, following the ridges of her spine from nape to tailbone. The woman made a sound between a moan and a sigh and shifted. One long, toned leg slipped out from beneath the sheets. Killian studied the limb and the triangle of fabric barely concealing her ass and second leg. He already knew what lay beneath; he had been thorough in his consumption of her. Nevertheless, he tore away the hindrance and took his fill of her naked flesh before he never saw it again.

Beautiful. Absolute perfection. Every inch of her stirred his blood and reawakened his cock for another round. Having her so near, so completely vulnerable to the animal already hard for her was a new sort of torture he’d never felt before. Sure there had been women who he had lusted for, but a roll or two between the sheets and that hunger was always sated. There had yet to be a woman he had wanted a third or fourth time.

But he wanted Juliette. He wanted her to stay. He wanted to keep her tied to the bed until his body no longer burned for her. He wanted to feel her bow and writhe and shatter beneath him until every ounce of his need for her was sated. God, he wanted to tear into her and consume her until there was nothing left. He wanted to own and mark every inch of that flawless body so that there was never a doubt of who she belonged to. He wanted to do things to her, dark and dirty things that would horrify her if she ever knew. What the hell was it about her that made the beast in him so crazy?

“Killian?” As though awakened by the mere power of his thoughts, Juliette shifted. The sheets rustled beneath her as she lifted her head and searched for him. Pools of murky brown fixed on his face. Hers softened into a sweet, shy smile that made it all the harder to let go. “Hi.”

The knot in his stomach tightened. His jaw creaked. The frustration built into an unbearable thrum. It must have shown on his face because the smile on hers slipped. She drew away, pulling the sheets up with her.

“What?” she whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Most of the women he took to bed knew the rules. They knew when it was time to get their things and depart without being asked. Juliette wasn’t one of them and yet that wasn’t the actual problem. The problem was that he didn’t want her to leave. Not yet. But he knew it wouldn’t be one more time or another six more times. Something about her was making it impossible to get enough and that alone sent the red flags waving.

“It’s time to go,” he blurted with a bit more heat then was necessary. “Your things will be by the door. Frank will call you a cab.”

It was impossible to pinpoint an exact emotion; so many flickered across her face in rapid succession. But the one that kicked him in the throat was the hurt and confusion that crinkled the skin between dainty eyebrows. A small hand lifted and pushed coils of tangled hair out of her eyes as she tried to process what he was saying. It didn’t take very long.

“Oh,” she whispered finally. “Right. Sorry.”

He made no move to stop her when she scrambled off the bed with the sheets and searched for her clothes. She dressed quickly before turning to the bed. She wet her swollen lips and adjusted the hem of her skirt to cover those beautiful legs. Her eyes never touched on him, he noted. They clung to the space just above his head when she spoke.

“Thank you for everything,” she murmured quietly. “I’ll see myself out.”

One more time, the beast pleaded. Just one more.

But she was already gone. The doorway stood empty and dark. In the silence that followed her departure, he could just hear the soft clip of footsteps as she hurried away. He knew she had reached the corridor leading to the stairs when the sound stopped and then there was nothing but his own breathing.

Unfurling himself from the bed, Killian got to his feet. He yanked on his trousers and dress shirt, not bothering to tuck in or button either. Aside from his security, no one else lived in the three story estate. He could walk around naked for all the difference it would have made.

The place held the chill of predawn. Killian wandered the hallways as he too often did when his insomnia was at its worst. That night was no exception and it had nothing to do with Juliette and everything to do with the nightmares. There were too many and they hounded him like dogs. There were pills, he knew. Medication to dull the senses for a few hours and knock him out cold. He had tried a few, but it was a loss of control he couldn’t allow himself. Not in his line of work when his senses were all he had keeping him alive. So he wandered an estate that had become his prison too early in life. He followed the ghosts of his past through the empty corridors and listened to his lost childhood echo through every room.

Despite all the money and power, it was a solitary existence. It was a self-proclaimed isolation and it was how he liked it. People had a tendency of dying around him and he already had too many deaths on his hands. He knew he would wind up killing Juliette if he didn’t keep her away.

At the top of the backstairs, Killian paused. His hand tightened around the cold iron banister until the knuckles blazed a harsh white in the semi darkness. He stared at the pool of black at the bottom with a numb sort of trepidation, a fear that reared its head every time the idea of being forever alone gripped him. It wasn’t ideal. Who in their right mind wanted to die alone? But how could he allow an innocent into his world knowing he would ultimately destroy them? How could he let himself love when he knew it would eventually get torn away? He knew he could easily fall for someone like Juliette. They might not have shared more than a few steamy hours together, but he could see a tomorrow with her. He could also see her broken and bloody in his arms and that nearly made him double over as pain wrenched through him.

Why are you even thinking about this? The voice in his head demanded viciously. One night with the girl and you’re hearing church bells?

Not exactly church bells, he thought absently as he started downward, his fingers moving unsteadily over the buttons of his clothes, fastening them and tucking his top into the waistband of his trousers. But it did make him want things he had no business wanting.

At the bottom, he turned right and headed in the direction of the conservatory. The chamber of glass and steel had been his mother’s favorite place, aside from the gardens. Every happy memory circled around that room, memories of kneeling next to her while she filled the place with every bloom imaginable, memories of her stories. She was forever telling him stories of the impossible. His father would tease her about filling Killian’s head with nonsense, but she would swat him away and continue with her tales.

“The world is already an ugly place,” Killian had overheard her telling his father once. “Our son deserves to know happiness.”

His father had shook his head, but he’d been smiling. He would have given her anything. Even as a child, Killian had known his parents were the center of each other’s universes. It was in every glance, in every smile and caress. They looked at each other the way his mother used to tell him about in her stories, like there was no oxygen in the world until the other was in the same room. And he had wanted that for himself. He had wanted to love like that.

“One day, you will find your fairytale, a mhuirnín,” his mother would tell him when his father would go away on business and he would find her curled up in the window seat of the front room, watching the driveway with a look of absolute heartbreak on her face. She would pull him into her lap and cuddle him close. “When you do, don’t let anything in this world touch her.”

At the time, he had thought she meant not to let another man take away what belonged to him. It wasn’t until much later that he realized she meant his world was poisoned and everything brought into it would die. He had just been too young to understand it sooner.

He made it as far as the sunroom when his progress was interrupted by the hulking silhouette moving towards him from the opposite direction. It was impossible not to recognize it immediately.

“Frank?” Killian waited for the giant to draw closer. “Everything all right?”

Frank gave the faintest inclination of his head. “Yes sir. Just walking the girl to the gates.”

Killian frowned. “Did a cab pick her up already?”

It was well after midnight and most cab companies rarely ventured that far north and if they did, it usually took at least thirty minutes. It hadn’t been that long since Juliette had left his bed.

Frank shook his head. “I offered to call her one. She insisted on taking the bus.”

“The bus?” Killian checked his watch, not that he needed to. “It’s three in the morning. If the bus even runs this far out of the city, I don’t think it actually runs this late.”

The other man simply gave a shrug like the matter was completely out of his hands.

“Did she say why?” he asked.

Frank shook his head. “No sir.”

It really wasn’t his problem. She wasn’t his problem. If she refused a cab then what was he supposed to do about it?

Yet the gnawing in his stomach wouldn’t allow him to brush the matter off so easily. It kept building and knotting up inside him until it was all he could do to keep from snarling his frustrations.

“Sir, I can—”

Killian waved Frank’s offer aside, his body already turning away. “Tell Marco to get the car.”

A frown deepened the creases already etched around the bigger man’s round face. “Maybe I should come—”

“Rest, Frank,” Killian said. “We have a long day tomorrow. I won’t be gone long.”

Leaving his head of security scowling in disapproval, Killian stalked back towards the stairs. There was an opening at the other end of the corridor that opened to the gym area and another that led to the indoor pool, but then he’d have to circle around and Juliette had already been out there alone for too long. His hurried strides took the stairs two at a time to the top. Without missing a beat, he jogged down the corridor to the second set of stairs leading downward to the foyer.

Marco was already parked at the bottom of the stairs when Killian stepped out the front doors. Despite the late hour, the other man was dressed without a crease in sight and looked far more alert than anyone at that hour should. Behind him, the black BMW shone beneath the bright illumination circling the property. The engine was running, which meant the keys were in the ignition and saved Killian from asking for them.

Marco started to open the back door, but Killian waved him away.

“I got it. Thank you, Marco.”

Without waiting to be stopped and reminded of the dangers of going anywhere alone, he circled around the back and ducked into the driver’s seat.

“Sir—”

“It’s fine,” he promised his driver as he slammed the door shut behind him and propelled the car into drive.

The estate sat at the very peak of Chacopi Point, overlooking the entire city. It was the only house for nearly twenty minutes and was surrounded by miles of wilderness and a steep plummet to certain death. Overhead, above the smog and pollution, the sky was a flawless carpet of navy blue littered with stars. Below, the city was a glittering gem of lights despite the hour. But it was the silence his mother had loved when she had picked the spot. There was no sound for miles, except the secrets the wind would whisper to the leaves.

Killian kept both hands on the wheel as he shot down the winding spiral, careful to take each new bend at a slow embrace just in case she was on the other side. His apprehension grew with every second he didn’t spot her, knowing she couldn’t have gone very far and there was nowhere to go but down.

His patience paid off when he caught sight of her white blouse. It seemed to glow with its own light in the darkness. She was on the side of the road, arms folded against the early morning chill as she stumbled her way over broken gravel. She jumped when Killian sped up and swerved onto the shoulder several feet ahead of her.

He threw open the car door and leapt out.

“Juliette.”

She stood before him, small and confused with red rimmed eyes and tangled hair. The fact that she’d been crying hit him much harder than he ever thought possible and for a moment, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do.

She broke the silence.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice hoarse.

“What did you expect I would do?” he shot back, his anger overruling his common sense. “Let you wander the streets in the dead of night?” He stalked closer, stopping when there was enough space between them to keep his hands in check. “Why didn’t you let Frank call you a cab?”

“Because I didn’t want a stupid cab,” she retorted. “The bus is fine.”

“It most certainly is not fine,” he said sharply. “What, you think the world is safer when everyone is sleeping? Do you know what could have happened to you?”

She simply stared at him a long moment, her eyes narrowed beneath furrowed eyebrows.

“And why would you care? You certainly didn’t seem to consider my wellbeing when you kicked me out of bed like some whore you were done using. Heaven forbid if you waited until morning.”

His muscles tightened at her accusation. “I have my reasons, all right? You knew what you were getting into when you got into my car.”

She scoffed and gave her head a little shake. “You’re right. I did know. I also know that I don’t want anything else from you.”

With that, she pushed past him. The crunch of gravel beneath her feet drowned out the rustle of leaves. Killian briefly wondered if he should just let her go. He certainly wasn’t responsible for her and if she didn’t want his help, what was he supposed to do? Force her?

But leaving her didn’t seem to be an option either.

“Ah for fuck sakes!” He muttered under his breath before twisting around on his heel. “Wanting it or not, I’m not letting you go off on your own.”

She never slowed her angry strides. “You can’t stop me.”

It was a challenge that made the darkness in him crackle awake. It made his insides tremble with excitement. Every line of his body went taut with anticipation.

“Get in the car, Juliette.”

“No!” she shot over her shoulder.

“Don’t test me, little lamb,” he warned, his voice barely audible and yet unmistakable. “I’m not like the soft men you’re used to. I will put you over my knee.”

For a moment, she seemed unfazed by his words. Her feet took her three more steps before she stopped. Her back was rigid and her movement stiff when she turned too slowly to face him. The sharp beams of the headlights shone off her eyes, illuminating their wetness and the anger and defeat shining off their surface. She stared at him for so long he couldn’t help wondering if she was ever going to speak. Then she opened her mouth.

“I’m so tired,” she whispered at last, sounding it. “I am tired of people like you and Arlo who think you can go through life bullying and threatening people into doing what you want.”

All thoughts of taking her on the hood of his car vanished with the pain radiating off her.

“That was not—”

But she wasn’t finished.

“I know I’m not a good person. I know I probably even deserve all of this, but I just … I can’t…” She broke off with a choked gasp. Her hand flattened against her stomach as though the pain was too much to take. “I can’t do this anymore.” Her chin wobbled once before she mashed her lips together tightly. Her hands went to the buttons on her blouse and began undoing them roughly. “So whatever you want, just take it and leave me alone.”

Killian had no knowledge of moving, but he suddenly found himself right in front of her. His fingers closed around the frail bones of her wrists and he wrenched them away on the forth button.

He was breathing hard. Fury crashed into him with every second he stood there peering into her wet eyes and breathing in her scent; the despair coming off her nearly killed him.

“Don’t you ever do that again!” he heard himself snarl. His hands released her wrists and moved into her hair. He cupped the back of her head and yanked her the rest of the way to him. Her gasp ripped through him. “Don’t you ever give up, do you hear me? Do you?” He gave her a light shake. “Juliette!”

Eyes wide with fear and confusion, she nodded quickly. “Yes.”

He continued to hold her until he was certain she meant it. Then he let go and stepped back, shaken by how much seeing her broken had affected him.

Christ, what was the matter with him?

But he knew. He knew exactly what had gone wrong and he couldn’t look at her.

“Get in the car,” he mumbled, needing to move, needing to do something other than stand there and feel her eyes burning into him with confusion and, God help him, pity.

“I don’t—”

“Don’t!” he warned, already turning away. “Just don’t. Get in.”

He didn’t wait for her to follow him. He stalked to the passenger’s side door and yanked it open.

There was a moment of pause. Then he heard the quiet shuffle of her feet crossing to him. She slid into the seat and he shut the door behind her. He rounded the hood and climbed in behind the wheel. Neither spoke as he maneuvered the car back onto the road.

She sat huddled against the door, her face painted in lines and shadows. Exhaustion seemed to pour off her in waves to suffocate the air around them. Killian had never found himself in that position before and had no idea what to say or do to make her stop twisting up his insides.

“Are you hungry?” he asked at last.

“No, thank you,” she whispered.

The leather beneath his grasp squeaked as his grip tightened around the wheel. They reached the base of the hill and started down the road in the direction of the city.

“The bus stop is at the end of that block,” she murmured, never lifting her head off the glass.

“Not leaving you at the bus stop,” he said evenly.

She sighed and straightened. “You don’t have to take me all the way home. I live an hour out of the city.”

Without taking his eyes off the road, he activated the GPS built into the car.

“Put your address in,” he told her.

She hesitated and he wondered if she was worried he might rob her in the dead of night. After all, in her eyes, he was no better than a good for nothing lowlife like Arlo. She’d said so herself. The thought annoyed him far more than was rational. He was nothing like Arlo and for her to think he was, was insulting. He may not have been the sort of man she deserved, but he sure as hell wasn’t Arlo.

She put her address into the machine and sat back. The map on the screen swirled until it synced their location and shot a purple arrow through the streets they needed to take.

“In six kilometers, turn—”

He set it on mute.

Juliette lay her head back against the headrest and stared out the window as they shot through a near empty city lit by lamps and the pale fingers of dawn. Pink and pale blue bled into navy blue and black as they hit Main Street. Every so often, she’d grind her knuckles into her eyes and yawn, but remained awake the whole way to her house, a squat two story that had clearly seen better days. It sat in a neat little neighborhood, surrounded by manicured lawns and well kept houses.

It wasn’t exactly a rich area, but reasonably well off. Juliette’s house seemed to be an exception. The paint was flaking. The grass was dead in patches. There were several shingles missing off the roof and the whole place radiated with a sort of hollow despair normally found in abandoned places. For a moment, he thought maybe the GPS had taken him to the wrong place. But Juliette was taking off her belt as he pulled into the empty driveway. She grabbed her purse up off the car floor and reached for the door handle.

“Thank you,” she said as she threw the door open. “And I’m sorry about my breakdown earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

The thought that that was her way of yelling almost made him laugh. But he could only shake his head as she climbed out. He stayed until she had stepped inside and the door had shut firmly behind her. Only then did he pull away.