Текст книги " Kissing Snowflakes"

Автор книги: Abby Sher

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

“What do you say, kid? Last day to hit the slopes. You coming?” asked Dad, putting down his coffee cup.

Our last day! I couldn’t believe it. Dad looked at me expectantly. What I really felt like doing was hanging out here with Eric and Fozzie. But I couldn’t say that. And where was Eric, anyway? My window looked out on the back and I had happened to see him early that morning taking off in his truck. He still hadn’t come back, as far as I knew. It’s not like we had planned to see each other today, anyway. But I felt excited and nervous, but mostly excited to see him again. Okay, and nervous. And confused.

“What do you think? Should we try Seneca Mountain today?”

“I’m in!” said Jeremy. I think he was really sore from his snowboarding expedition, but I knew he would never admit it.

“Me too!” said Kathy.

Dad turned to me. What could I say? That I might sorta maybe run into a guy that I had thought was the biggest jerk on earth and now I was too scared to even say his name?

“Yeah, okay.”

Seneca Mountain was actually a series of slopes, folding on top of one another, each peak reaching higher into the sky. We decided we would all try cross-country for the morning. Dad said it would be easy for me and Jeremy to learn, which was fine with me. Just looking at the downhill trails made me a little uneasy, and I noticed Jeremy was walking kind of funny, like there were balloons stuck between his legs or something, but I resisted the urge to make fun of him.

We got our skis and then made our way out to the bottom of the main slope to wait for the chairlift. This place was definitely off the beaten track – it wasn’t nearly as crowded as Sugar Peak. Just open sky and mountains cascading down on every side. It was glorious. I really wanted to be sharing it with Dad, but somehow he wound up talking to Jeremy in the back of the line and before I knew it, Kathy and I were sliding into a chair and being whisked up and away.

“Ah. Sure is magnificent up here,” she said, shielding her eyes with her gloved hand.

“Yeah,” I said. I wasn’t sure how long the lift was, but I wondered if we could talk about the scenery the whole time. It hit me then that the two of us had barely spoken the whole week.

She was tapping her fingers quickly on her legs. I guess we were both at a loss for words. “Have you had fun up here?” she asked finally.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“I am just so impressed with how fast you and Jeremy picked this stuff up. I mean, I’m still terrified of downhill.”

“Oh, you know.” I honestly didn’t mean to be incommunicative. I was just thinking about a million other things right then.

“Did you used to —” Kathy began. And then, halfway through her sentence, the car lurched forward and stopped.

“What was that?” I gasped.

“I’m not sure,” she said. She put a smile on her face but I could see there was panic in her eyes. We were somewhere past the tops of the trees, dangling about a gazillion feet over the ground. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but we were a long way up.

“Attention skiers! Attention skiers!” There was someone on a megaphone at the bottom of the slope. “We are experiencing some difficulty with the chairlift. Please remain in your seats with your hands on the bar and we will fix this as soon as possible!”

“What does that mean? Difficulty?” I stammered.

“I’m not quite sure,” said Kathy slowly.

I like to think of myself as a fairly level-headed person. I don’t burst into tears that often, and I know what to do in case of a fire. I’ll always volunteer to be in the exit row on a plane, and I know how to treat a nosebleed. But I guess I am not the best companion during a real crisis. It’s this head of mine. It just keeps on spinning. How were they going to get us out of there? Would they take us out by air lift or would we have to swing from a rope like Tarzan or what? I didn’t know how to climb down a rope. I mean, we did that in gym class once but I never got the hang of it and then our teacher, Mr. Stern, was sick the next day so we just watched movies on schoolyard safety. Oh, I hoped they didn’t give us a rope. Or maybe a giant net? Could they do that? Did we sign waivers or something?

And then my mouth started flapping.

“I mean, does this happen a lot? Do they know what they’re doing? What if it doesn’t get unstuck? Do they have a plan of some sort?”

I knew Kathy didn’t have any of these answers, but I couldn’t help myself. And now we were slowly rocking back and forth, somewhere in midair.

“Hey, Sam! Kathy! You all right?”

Dad’s voice came from somewhere behind us. I forgot that we were all caught up here, hanging by that tiny wire.

“Yeah!” we called back in unison, and then we both laughed a little. It actually felt good to laugh.

“Don’t worry! The guy behind us says this happens a lot! It’ll get cleared up soon!”

I closed my eyes and tried to focus my breath. In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3. In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3.

Then I felt Kathy touch my knee. I opened my eyes.

“It’s gonna be okay, Sam,” she said.

“Yeah, I know,” I said.

“I mean … with us.” She looked me right in the eye now. Her gaze was steady and calm.

“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say.

“I mean, we both have a lot to learn about each other. I’m scared, too, you know. I never expected – did you ever hear how your dad and I met?”

“No.”

I had never even asked. I had been too busy being mad. That first phone call when he told me he’d started seeing someone and he thought – he hoped – I would like her. I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, and I remember hanging up on him so I could cry.

“Do you want to know?” she asked gently, watching my face, which I know was lost in thought.

“Yes. Yes,” I said. And I meant it.

“Well, let me first say this. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with someone fourteen years older than me – with two kids and a mortgage and a tan sedan. No offense, but that’s just not how I had imagined it.” She laughed. She was really pretty, especially when she laughed. And then she stopped herself. “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m telling you this?” she asked.

I nodded again. “Please,” I said.

“Okay, well, the first thing that happened was he took my parking spot outside the travel agency. I always parked in the same spot, right on the corner of Degraw and Lafayette. And one day, I was running late to work, as usual, and your father cut me off. Oooh, I was so mad! I rolled down my window and I was screaming all sorts of names at him. It was not pretty.”

She giggled and rolled her dark eyes. I thought of the way I had snapped at Eric that first night outside on the steps.

“And your father, gentle soul that he is, pulled out after me, followed me around the corner and all the way down the hill, where I finally found a parking spot. I didn’t notice that he was behind me, of course, until I got out of the car and there he was. I was in such a rush, I remember, I slammed my bag in the car door. I was cursing like a sailor. And then when I saw him standing there, wow, I really laid into him. ‘I park there every day!’ and ‘Don’t you have any common courtesy?’ And I remember I ended it by saying, ‘And now it looks like you’re following me!’ And then, he waited for me to finish, with those beautiful, patient eyes, and he looked at me and said, ‘You are absolutely right. I am following you. Because you were right, and I was wrong. And I’d like the chance to make it up to you.’”

“Wow,” I said. “That’s pretty – wow.” The thought of my dad being Mr. Romance was kind of funny. But sweet.

“Yeah.” She grinned. “And still I wasn’t having it. He handed me a slip of paper, and I took it and walked off in such a huff. Ha! But later that day, I remember sitting at my desk with that slip of paper he had given me. Just his name and number. And then underneath he had written, ‘I’ve never tried this before.’ And I thought, ‘What just happened to me?’ There was something so honest, so unafraid about that note and those eyes. I felt sick, and excited, and confused, and like my heart was up in my ears.”

Sick, and excited, and confused. It was all sounding so familiar.

“Okay, I’m talking too much, but one more thing. Sam, I was never good at dating. I mean, look. It took me thirty-eight years to find your dad. And I was with some real duds before him, believe me. And then when I did find him, I was so scared! There is nothing scarier than having real feelings for someone. I mean, it can swoop in and lift you off your feet and turn you upside down. Sometimes it leaves you breathless and hopeful, and sometimes it can tear you in two. But you know what? It is always, always worth it. It feels a lot like this, actually. Way up high, almost touching the clouds, suspended. Not knowing what’s going to happen next.” She sighed. “I don’t know. Does that make sense at all?”

“Oh, yes,” I said. It made so much sense I wanted to press her words into my skin. I looked out around us at the mountains, the trees, our feet swaying out in front of us. It was all so unpredictable. I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry or howl into the breeze. And then I thought of Eric. I could never have predicted that. That? This? Well, whatever it was. But now I knew it was something.

I had always imagined that liking someone was about something just out of reach. An ache, a longing, like when I had pined for Leo. But maybe the ones who were worth it were the ones who didn’t make you try so hard. They liked you for who you were. And they didn’t really know any more than you. Nobody truly had the answers. It was all about taking the leap, together.

I watched as Kathy leaned her face up into the sun. Her skin looked like melting honey, each of her eyelashes illuminated. She didn’t know what she was doing either. I closed my eyes and tilted my head up, too. And I knew we looked nothing alike, nobody would ever mistake us for mother and daughter, but sitting up there, both of our faces raised to the sun, maybe we could just be friends.

A little while later, I felt another jolt. The chairs started swinging forward and back again.

“Whoa!” Kathy said, grabbing the crossbar so tight her knuckles turned bright white. I did the same. And then, with a low creak and groan from below, we slowly started inching up the mountain. I heard a pitter-patter sound climbing up behind us. Was that rain? Wasn’t it too cold for that?

“Look! Look!” said Kathy, pointing down to the bottom of the lift. It wasn’t rain at all. It was a small gathering of people down below, in all different-colored hats and jackets. And they were waving and clapping for us. We were on our way!

The rest of the day, Dad and Kathy took us through densely wooded trails, each one more beautiful than the next. Cross-country was hard, but in a new, invigorating way. I felt my legs, my arms, my lungs all pumping, pulling, working together. By the time we got done for the day, I was exhausted, and dying to get back to the inn.

Eric was behind the bar in the living room, pouring drinks for happy hour. I didn’t even take off my jacket. I walked right up to the counter while he had his back turned.

“Double shot of amaretto and orange juice, and a splash of rye.”

“Sorry?” He spun around and broke into a big smile. A big, crooked smile.

“Do you think I could talk to you for a minute?” I asked quietly now. “I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah,” he said. “But first, I have something that I forgot to show you. Wait right there.” And he disappeared into the kitchen.

When he came back out, he had on his jacket, too.

“Come on.” He led me out through the sliding door. We pushed out into the night. The snow was up to our knees in the field, and there were still a few feathery flakes slipping down out of the sky. The moon looked like a creamy shell, set in the deep blue-black of the night, scattering bright beams down onto the gleaming snow.

Then, without a word, Eric took my mittened hand in his. I felt a tremor through my arm. He clicked on the flashlight, and we headed out across the field. I didn’t ask him where we were going or what we were doing. It didn’t matter. I knew that even if he brought me out here to see a pinecone I would be just glad to be out here – with him. We walked down the backyard and over the little hill. Then across the creek, still trickling now through islands of snow and ice. Up into the Gallaghers’ farm. Past the house. We came to the quiet tangle of trees at the bottom of their land, and Eric led me in.

The pine needles felt slippery and thin. Through a tiny opening in the branches above I could see the moonlight and just a few stray flakes of snow sailing to earth. And there was that hush in here. A calm that was now somehow electric.

Eric stopped and turned toward me, taking both my hands in his.

“So I know I showed you this place before, but there was something I forgot to do when we were here and I just wanted to, before, well … if it’s okay …”

I watched his face carefully. I didn’t dare move a muscle. And then, in that moment, as he leaned in, the whole world got swallowed up by the stillness of those trees. His lips dissolved into mine, and I felt every inch of my body light up, all of me glowing a vibrant, pure white. I closed my eyes and melted into the greatest kiss in the history of the world.

We stayed like that for I don’t know how long. I lost all sense of time and space. But I do know that at some point his lips started quivering. And then he pulled away, laughing softly.

“What?” I said, afraid.

Levy! What did you do?

Had I slobbered all over him? Did I eat a filling?

“No, nothing! I’m just so happy,” he said.

I sighed with relief. He touched his forehead to mine, our noses pressed together.

“Now, sorry. What did you want to tell me?” he whispered.

“Just … this.”

I pulled his face toward mine. And this time I was kissing him, and I was sure of myself. My lips, my teeth, my tongue. They were right where they should be. We stayed like that for a long time. For a really long time, and yet it all went by so fast. And then, just as I began to pull away, I felt it. At first I couldn’t tell what it was. I felt an itch, like someone was tickling me, just under my nose. And then a coldness, melting, and I knew. It was a single snowflake drifting down and landing just where our lips met, nesting there, between us. My heart lifted and fluttered open. I had found it. The snowflake I was supposed to kiss.

“Hey, Eric?”

“Yeah.”

“I just have to say, I don’t really know what I’m doing.” Yeah, it wasn’t exactly original. But it was a great line.

And I didn’t know if I meant physically, or mentally, or what. I just knew I needed to say it.

Eric smiled.

“I don’t either,” he said.

And then we kissed some more. Deep, long, kisses. And held each other, standing up, in the world’s quietest place.

“Hey, listen,” he whispered at one point. He took my hand and put it on his chest. I could feel his heart beating through his jacket and it matched mine – fast and strong.

“It’s goin’ nuts, huh?” he said.

I wanted to say Wait! Are you for real? Or You’re here! You’re here! Or What does this mean? Or Help! I’m supposed to leave tomorrow! But I kept my lips together.

Just let it be, Levy.

We were both there in that unknowing. In that possibility.

And then he took my hand and we silently walked back to the inn.

It was a good thing our flight wasn’t until the early afternoon, because when Dad’s phone call woke me up, I was nowhere near ready. As a matter of fact, I was still in my clothes from the night before. Eric and I had stayed up until at least three in the morning talking in front of that fire. I looked around the room. The rest of my clothes were strewn all over. Sweaters, jeans, socks drooping over the chair.

“Meet you downstairs in ten?” said Dad.

“Yup,” I said, and then started throwing things in my bag while I brushed my teeth.

Fozzie was the first one to greet me at the bottom of the stairs.

“He’s been waiting for you all morning,” said Eric, coming up behind him. His eyes looked particularly big and green and spectacular this morning.

“Hey, Fozzie. I’m gonna miss you,” I managed. I was already feeling hollow just thinking about leaving him.

Dad, Kathy, and Jeremy were having breakfast in our usual spot.

“Can I go for one last walk before we pack up?” I asked.

Kathy looked up and smiled. Did she know about me and Eric …?

“Sure,” said Dad.

Eric and I followed Fozzie out into the backyard. He bounded across the field, with us walking slowly behind. Eric took my mitten in his hand.

“So,” he said.

“So, yeah,” I said back.

We walked for a while not saying anything. Amazingly, he was the one who spoke first. “What do you think?” His voice was low.

“I don’t know. I mean, I wasn’t supposed to meet somebody like you,” I said.

“You mean devastatingly handsome, fascinating, and a lover of fine cheeses?” He squeezed my hand and gave me a mischievous grin.

I punched him on the arm lightly. “I mean, I was just supposed to go away with my dad and Kathy and Jeremy. Maybe learn how to ski. But this feels …” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Maybe I was making this into more than what it was. I really hoped not.

“Yeah, it feels like we might’ve just started something big, you know? I mean … I hope. Maybe,” he said.

And now my stomach was doing cartwheels and my heart was beating so loud I could feel it in my toes.

Levy, hold it together. But I was dying to say something.

“Me too! I mean, yes. I mean, I think so, too.”

“Yeah,” he said. I could feel the smiles on both of our faces.

We walked some more. Just to the edge of the Gallaghers’ plot though. My dad had given me strict instructions that we had to be in the car in twenty-five minutes. He’s crazy about getting to airports two years before the flight.

“Guess we gotta turn around,” said Eric.

“Yup.”

He kissed my mittened hand.

“Hey, I’m gonna call you tonight. To make sure you get home okay. Is that all right?” he asked.

“I’d like that.”

“And maybe while you’re up in the air, just so I can hear your voice mail.”

I giggled. “Sounds good to me.”

“And maybe right now, just to make sure I’ve got your number.”

I reached into my pocket to get my phone. I hadn’t touched it in days. I only remembered it because it fell out of my sweatshirt when I had gone to throw it in my suitcase. I looked at it now. Seven more missed calls. What? I opened it up. They were all from Phoebe.

“What is it?” asked Eric.

“Oh, my friend Phoebe. The one I told you about.” I had told him about Phoebe, but just briefly. I didn’t want to tell him just the bad parts. I knew there was a lot more to our friendship than just the past few days. At least, I thought so.

“You think you should call her?” he said.

“I will,” I said. “But for now, I want to be right here.”

When we got back to the inn, Dad was already packing up the rental car. Eric went inside to get Fozzie some food. He said he’d be back out in just a few minutes. I went in to grab a muffin and some coffee. I had decided once I got home that I was going to tell my mom to start making an extra cup for me in the morning. I was an adult, after all. And besides, if it stunted my growth, that was fine. I was already almost six feet tall.

Eric came back into the dining room and joined me by a window.

“Okay! All set!” sang Dad, coming in behind him. Kathy quickly ran in, too. She winked at me.

“Actually,” said Kathy, “I think the trunk isn’t closing all the way. Can you give me a hand please, Judd?” She grabbed Dad’s arm and pulled him toward the front door.

“She’s really pretty cool,” said Eric.

“Yeah, she’s okay. It’s a good thing someone butt his nose in and told me to give her a chance,” I said, smiling.

He pulled out a piece of paper from his coat pocket.

“Well, I just wanted to give you this. It’s nothing big. I’m not much for good-byes, you know? So, how about I just say, I’ll talk to you tonight, and then I’ll see you soon, and we’ll … um … take it from there.”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“I mean, once the busy season slows down a little, maybe I could take a drive down to New York with Fozzie. Like in March or April?”

“I’d like that a lot.”

“Yeah.” He swallowed.

“I’d really like that a lot.” I didn’t think I could say much more. And then, he just held me again with those arms. Those arms that had picked me up and led me down the mountain and into the most beautiful place I had ever been. And I breathed him in, the smell of his warm neck, like fir trees and cedar wood. I tried to take it all in. To hold it deep inside.

In the car, I waited until we were up the hill and past the main square of town. “Good-bye” I whispered to the snow-covered steeples and Canfield Corners. The road extended out in front of us like a dark ribbon between the mounds of fresh snow, the trees bending together to whisper among their branches. Dad was whistling and he had one hand on Kathy’s knee, keeping time to his tune. It slipped from “Paperback Writer” to “Eleanor Rigby” this time. Jeremy was leaning back and staring out at the mountains again. A low cloud of bluish-gray hung above the peaks, heavy with another snow about to fall.

I turned toward my window and slowly pulled out the piece of paper, then unfolded it delicately, spreading it out on my lap. It was a charcoal drawing of a girl, her head upturned, her eyes closed, her lips making a small circle. Her hair fell down long and straight across her shoulders. Her arms were outstretched and above her fell speckled bits of snow caught in midair.

It was me. I knew it was. But until this trip, I had never seen myself this way before. So relaxed, so carefree, so beautiful.

I turned the picture over.

Dear Sam,

I’m not sure what to say. As you said, “I’m not good at this.” But I just wanted to say, thank you for everything. For screaming at me outside. For sipping coffee by the fire. For walking to the Gallaghers’ farm with me and for sharing my favorite place in the world. For falling down and for picking me up. But most of all, thank you for teaching me how to kiss snowflakes. I hope we can do that again soon.

Love, Eric

I folded the paper back up and brought it to my lips.

That was one snowflake I hoped would never melt.