Текст книги ""Н" значит : Надежда [поэзия]"

Автор книги: Тимонг Лайтбрингер

Довольно

 
I am the man of sorts, you know,
And I can feel yours feelings flow,
And haven't mastered mine for now...
My love to you I did bestow.

What was my reason for such move ?
To you my love I'll never prove,
For you I'm but another buff,
So I am saying now – enough !

What was I thinking all that time ?
You were your own, never mine,
Sometimes all kind, in times all rough ...
But it's still such worthless stuff.

I am alone, I always was,
I am still living in the doze
That someone will accept my love ...
I will awaken, it's enough !

I'm tired of that endless fight,
I am no moth that will not bite
And crawl through your endless bluff ...
No more lying – it's enough !

I was the one to help you flight
And threw your past out of sight,
And yet it came to such a blight ...
In that I'm guilty – and still right.

I can forgive, I will forget
Of our past that makes me sad,
Such pretty looking, useless stuff...
No more such memories, enough !


I have no willing to decide
Of who is guilty, who is right,
The separation is too tough,
No more talk for now ... enough.
 

Я шествую сквозь дождь...

 
I am walking through the rain
And my soul groans with pain,
Cursed be the love like blain -
It’s the soul’s bloody stain !

This is like the hellish rain -
One without goodness gain,
One with brutal, sudden end,
Greatest torture of the land.

I am screaming in the night,
I am begging for the light -
One to free me of the chain,
And extinguish fiery rain,

One to heal scorched heart,
One to be my soul guard,
One to help me understand
That nowhere in earth land

It is possible to find
Shining love, still being blind,
Golden heart, all being poor,
Paradise with lifetime guar.
I am passing in the night
And its darkness makes me blind,
And its chill touch makes me wonder
Will I need those lights with thunder,

Will I live that life with pain
As remainder of my gain,
As a token of my blight,
As a sign of former might?

There is no escape, no hiding
From that constant essence tidying,
From that endless stream of pain …
No escape from hellish rain.

Let it rain, I don't care !
Almost naked, soul-bare,
I will stand against pain,
I will bless my burning rain,

I shall find way through the night,
And will earn the other sight,
Truly love I shall once find,
On its wings I'll fly with wind.


I am walking through the rain,
I have thrown away the pain,
I am singing in the night …
Gleam in tunnel shines me bright.
 

Я не могу...

 
I can't hold my tears,
My soul is on the spears,
I cannot stop my mind,
Tranquility can’t find.

I've lost my will in space,
I've sold my soul in time,
I've burned my wings in race …
Will peace be ever mine?

I cannot hold my anger
Even in times of danger,
Even in times of need
My spirit it still feed.

I cannot find the hope -
My fate is but to mope,
My fate is to obey,
I'm a useless prey.

I cannot see the light -
It is but darkest night,
I've lost my right and ways
To walk in sunny rays.

I've lost my faith in all …
Is that how we do fall?
Is that how we become
Ghosts in the days to come?

I may not see the light,
Yet I was always right -
Once anger makes you blind
Yours peace you'll never find.

Once soul becomes a mess
You will start to regress,
And one day you'll become
Shadow in days to come.


I cannot hold my tears
They came, my darkest fears -
I shall not stop the mind
Thus peace I'll never find...
 

Магия

 
It is but magic, foulest sort,
And for this world I have retort -
My run is not like endless sport,
In love and peace I want resort !

I've seen them all, I've met a lot,
But chosen one I've found not.
I've grown strong, earn more money...
I'm still alone ... is that but funny ?!

I want to love, enough of tortures,
Enough of endless, useless searches !
Enough of pain for the heart
And throw away that fucked regard !

Enough of quirks, my buggy mind,
The one I want I'll never find !
Her image died so long ago...
I cannot find her in the Row !

They are all busy, or have man,
This but repeats for now and then,
They disappeared all in mist
And left me with my tears to feast.

I've talked them all, I've seen a lot,
I've left my hopes for now to rot
And only pain I've got,
But chosen one I've found not...
 

Нет справедливости

 
The logic shatters, mind dissolves,
And hope flushes out through the holes,
The world you saw, the world you knew...
Forget them, you've been born anew.

Is that so difficult to feel
That you are nothing, but a meal,
That you are no one, but a slave ?
You will be damned, won't be saved.

He'll left those poor ones to die
And yet he'll save that richest guy,
He'll punish faithful, help the evil...
Just who's this one? No, not a devil.

He kills the justice, ruins faith,
He's one to call «Your Divine Grace»
As you do stand in final court,
And being judged for being coward,

And being mocked for being poor
And not to choose the pleasure tour,
And to believe in justice – thing,
Which even He once tried to fling...


He did forget of our world,
There is no wisdom to unfold,
There is no justice to behold
And only death for those too bold.
 

Всем наплевать

 
Stop crying now, there is no one
To help you, man, they all but gone,
They disappeared with the wind,
Theirs empathy you shall not find.

You see it now? You’re left alone,
Your so-called 'friends' were quickly gone,
And so-called 'love' abandoned you,
Devoted ones ... they are so few.

Strong-willed men ... do they exist?
There is but one, the very least.
You know this one – this one is you,
You wanted more? No, they are few.

You wanted friend? Accept your rival.
You wanted sun? Yours day is nival.
You wanted help? You'll get no one.
Accept, that, man – you'll find it fun.

You hoped for trust? You'll find suspicion.
Your eyes are clear? They'll dim your vision.
You struggled for freedom? You are bound
And understanding won't be found.

No one cares of the others
No one sees us, men, as brothers,
No one's willing to escape
Bonds of hatred, minds of slave.

You'll find it fun one lonely day
To see those heartless as live's prey,
Theirs shadows dim the light of sun
For their hearts are in the run.


No love – but a despair, you'll learn one day – that's fair,
It must be diamond-rare for no one truly care...
 

Проклятый

 
The thoughts are pooling through the mind,
But answers you will never find,
And He, who only judged and blamed
Will never make you feel ashamed.

The One, who cares not of us,
But who grabs souls in his pass,
The One who cursed you with a bane
To feel and act like an insane...

Oh, but he listens not to you,
The ones he listened to were few,
Or there were none at all
For they were burned in their fall.
Remember times, when you were young
Respected leader of the gang?
Or maybe earlier than that,
Admiring dead, silenced cat?

Remember death, who looked so true,
When mother died when you were two?
And how you clinged for the life...
All for survive, all to survive !?

Perhaps He cursed your father too
And left his body as a clue?
For just to shatter bonds of fate
He disappeared when you were eight...

In fear for your own life
You started robbing to survive,
And soon you joined with the others -
Your bloody-bounded cursed brothers.

Together you were real power,
Who were soon christened in blood's shower...
And that is how you have been done -
The Cursed One, and a sin's son.



But these days have long since passed...
Your darkest times, as you've guessed,
For nothing is born without reason
Even in murky, darkest prison.

...There were times when you cried
«Why ?! Torture no more – let me die !»
...But no one listens, no one hears,
It's all but roar in your ears...

But nothing is forever here -
Your hate, your curse, your life and gear,
And just to strengthen bonds of thee
For now you'll never be set free.

To see the sun, to look at moon…
And only death will come too soon,
Silencing all that has been done
And stopping runner in his run.


You have your time before it comes
To reconsider earned sums,
To reconsider deeds that done,
To once again look at sun.

And only then the time you die
You will be given wings to fly...
 

Разница

 
I see myself between the two -
But one is false, and one is true,
For one is night and one is day
No matter what the others say.

The first is silent, first is cold,
One needs to be both hot and bold
To dare melt that icy heart.
Will you succeed? Go try it, but...

The second is both warm and kind,
It may be not so sharp in mind,
It may be not so swift in tongue -
But it had never-ever stung.

The first is like secular lioness -
It is the grace, it is the finesse,
It is the beautiful snowflake …
But what one's hands with it will make ?

The second's like domestic cat -
To see you home she's always glad,
And she will rub about knees
To make you happy and to please.

The first is the unwilling one
To share moon, to share sun,
To share failure and success -
It's not accustomed to stress.

The second will go hand-in-hand
By any road, through any land,
In any way you just have sighted -
And in that way you'll be united.

The first will look but with contempt
If you have riches that not tempt,
If you first offer own love -
Like useful slave you'll always bow.

The second will ask for but love
That's warm as sun, and fly as dove,
Will look at you with gleaming glance -
And that's the main dif-fe-rence.
 

Неверующий

 
 Listen now, oh Never One,
Hear me, your worthless son,
Burn my soul, tie my eyes,
Oh ... revenge my useless cries !

You are but excuse of God,
Nothing good I've ever got,
Nothing fair, nothing right,
Pity «faith» won't cloud the mind.

Pity faith will never help
Cruel, foul, evil whelp !
Useless faith does not exist,
And no more my sight will twist.

I do see you very clear …
Never-ever were you near,
Far beyond the line of sight,
Full of divine, useless might,

Full of hatred, full of greed,
On the suffering you've feed
Like a monstrous, hellish beast ...
No, no more my sight will twist !

The pleads, the begging, the despair...
Were these calls not fully fair?
What is else do you need
To reply us, humans breed?!

Why, why, why, for heaven's sake
Have you brought us in your wake,
Have abandoned long ago?!
Leave me be, extinguish, go !

Disappear from my life,
You are like a skinning knife
Making wounds only deeper...
You won't have me, butcher-reaper !

So be cursed, useless one,
Die in mind of every son
And be healed, like a fever,
We don't need you, never-ever...

But when my time for you will come
I'll face you straight – and I won't run...
For I am too a heaven's son,
The one, who's free – the Faithless One.
 

Современная

 
The Modern One, I was a fool,
The Heartless One, I was your tool,
The Sunless One, I could be light ...
I am yet again alone in night.

You are the child of this age,
I am an ancient, ageless sage,
You are the youth in ages gold,
I am immortal, very old.

Behind my steps – the thousand lives,
Behind success – the thousand tries,
Behind my wings – the thousand dreams ...
I have redeemed own sins.

I am a star in darkest night
And for myself I'm own guide,
You are reflection, shining deep,
You have no wings, you like to creep,

You like to feed on own lacks -
The child, full of epoch's bracks,
I would prefer to leave you, rather,
There is no fate for us together.

You are the victim of your age,
But time will break this golden cage,
And time will teach you how to play
With love of other, who’s your prey.

With time you'll die in mind of mine,
The time will help me not to pine,
The time will be life's own sage,
For I was born in the wrong age.

So yet again I am behind,
I am victim of my own mind,
The time will help my heart unfreeze.

There is no one.


... Or is there is ?
 

Цена

 
As time pass on the body dies,
There are no ways to stop its cries,
The fate will once stop rolling dice
And past will measure pain's size.

The past is painful, future's dark,
The fate decides well whom to mark,
That mark is curse and not a gift,
Its pressure one will never lift.

May it be called a Divine Hell !
You will not stop my holy gall,
I will return you bits of pain
And in its waters you I'll sain !

I swear that you shall soon feel
That I do have my own will,
And I wish stepping own way
To all your plans I could say «nay» !

…But since the god is long no more,
There is no one to blame for gore,
There is no one to judge for pain
And all the pleads will be in vain.

It matters not if I survive -
Myself of curse I will deprive,
To find the painless way to sky ...
The price for wings is truly high.


As time pass on the body dies
To free the spirit way to rise,
It is the nature of that tolling
That makes the dice of fate keep rolling.
 

Есть только боль

 
All I feel now is the pain,
All my hopes were but in vain,
And there is no one to blame...
Damn it, have I gone insane ?!

Will this be all just the same,
Am I but a soul lame,
Cursed to be left alone
With no love, no hope, all prone?

If I'm such a foul man -
Then ignore me when you can,
Never giving any hope,
Never leaving me to mope !

Oh, my girl, but you insist...
Yes, I’m able to resist,
Yes, I may not surrender...
Will that help, I truly wonder?

Oh, I can bury my feeling
And become the coldest being,
«Normal» man without heart,
Yes, I can resist you, but ...

You will drop me soon enough
Just to find the man that's tough -
One, that's able to resist,
One, whose heart will never twist.

Trust me, I am used to this,
I do have to pay my fees
All in hope to find one day
Only one, who won't say «nay»,

Only one, chosen for me...
I will find her, you'll see !
But for now I won't resist,
Have some pleasure, at the least...


People all walk strangest ways,
Passing by without trace,
Hoping to find love one day
And forget to say theirs «nay»...
 

Зимнее время

 
It was the time of retribution,
Of thoughts all dying in confusion,
It was one coldest winter day
When sun had moved off the way.

There is no hope for it to come
And all illusions are now gone,
The only thought that's left to pry
Is endless question – «Why ? Why ? Why ?!»

Why to ignore without answer ?
Why hiding soul in the panzer ?
Ignored ones now maybe few...
Some day they’ll start ignoring you.

Why to give hope ? There is no reason
If you believe it to be treason,
If heart belongs to other man
Then answer «no» – that's better than !

Why to keep silence when one «no» -
And hope will die without grow,
And I won't ever bother you...
Ignored ones ... are they but few ?

I will not be that «spare haven» !
On death won't feast like bloody raven,
I'll find another, truly sun...
I am again in the run.
The time will pass, I will forget
Of winter sun that made me sad,
Of heatless sun that did but hide
And disappeared from the sight.

And as for you, I will that tell -
I'll say : "Goodbye.
Fare
Thee
Well."
 

Мудрость

 
Who is the one to do things right,
Who has the perfect future's sight
And who has will to gain these ?
Those ones who have – stand by now, please.

No one believes he can be wrong
Like weakling dreams that he is strong,
Like loony states that he's all right -
Just all the others aren't bright.

Like that it's normal to believe
That lonely men are always stiff,
Divorced women are the stinkers …
Yet all of us considered thinkers.

Oh man, it's common to believe
That death is the eternal grief,
That life is such an endless race
With wildly rising-dropping pace,

That one should never be alone,
That happy days already gone,
And world will never be all right -
Cause all the others aren't bright.

And it's all known we possess
The right to make some constant mess,
We call it «freedom» by the way...
That inborn right to fray and pray.

I just won't say that these are wrongs …
The hundred times it's sung in songs,
The thousand times it's told by lives
Of common folk who were just wise.

I cannot say that they were right,
For modern us they don't seem bright,
Still they did not posses believes
That are the source of endless grief.

The one I call the truly wise
Is that who has no prejudice,
The one who has the clear sight,
For only he will make things right.

One day you'll act as you see fit
And thus refuse some other's bid
To make it way it ought to be,
And once you've made it – you are free.
 

Гнев

 
My wrath is stronger than the will,
The wrath is only what I feel
And I will tear those apart
Who dare mock my bleeding heart !

Move off my way, you jackal’s sons !
I'll smash your faces, laughing ones
And I will teach you how to play
With love and heart, with dream and pray !

You'll dare not to say it so
Or soon you shall be ones in row,
Or soon you'll play your final part
And rest in peace in the graveyard !

I will bury those ones in tombs,
Who dare be those dumbest lambs
And will continue to persist
In making this all-tortures feast !

My wrath is stronger than you all !
I may go down, I may fall,
But I shall see you've paid your price
With own pain without size !

I am no victim and no serf
And for the kindness I won't starve,
I will bury it from you all,
You jackals soon will pay your toll !

The wrath, my wrath, it does descend,
It is so hot ... like desert sand,
And it's the desert in myself …
I'm long too thirsty and do starve.

But I won't drink my own tears,
I'll throw away those fucked fears,
I may be mad, I may be ill ...
Move off my way – for I will kill !
 

Еще один

 
There were many, and were few,
And each of them was somewhat new,
Yet each was but another mew …
So soon away I always flew.

And I can't help but to forget
How meeting each I was so glad,
And how I then buried my hope...
This endless quest will never stop.

I was afraid to be alone,
But long ago those fears gone.
You know the bright sight of the thing?
This search for you gave me one wing.

Is that enough for endless fly
Up to the heaven, up for sky,
Or will I have to find that one
That will be second wing to sun?

Another one, another one ...
Such cruel joke...that ain't fun !
Reborn each time, reborn and mope !
Oh god, will this quest ever stop ?!

The wing has melted, feathers lost,
I am no one, I am but ghost,
Who thought of love as of life's mother
And who for it is yet another.

There were many, but so few,
To be alone just isn't new,
I thought of each as someone other...
But each of them is yet another.
 

Больная тема

 
У меня больная темка – я не знаю, есть ли стенка,
Чтобы мне бы разбежаться, чтобы смелости набраться -
И затем в единый мах мне б разбиться в пух и прах,
Потому что без любви все мы нищие цари.

Если б знали, милы други, каково жить без подруги,
Каково любить лишь тень, когда ночь сменяет день,
Каково жить лишь работой, загрузив себя заботой,
Каково томить себя, ту любовь не подаря.

Вы не знаете, наверное, сколь та фраза страшно верна,
Что кто меньше женщин любит, тот сильней им милым будет,
И любить они готовы тех, скует им кто оковы,
И спешат отдать любовь первым встречным вновь и вновь.

Мой рассудок не сумеет, он понять их не посмеет,
Только сердце не молчит и в надежде все стучит.
Ну зачем мне, люди, сердце ? Заколочена та дверца,
И отброшен в бездну ключ – мне любви не светит луч.

Нету худшего проклятья, чем забыть ее объятья,
Чем расторгнуть губ всю близость, чем тоски познать всю низость,
Чем, любовь в себе храня, избегать ее огня,
И надежду потерять, что найдешь ее опять.

Это крест мой, иль проклятье ? Я совсем уж без понятья,
Верить я устал в любовь, остывает моя кровь,
И в других не видно света, из души уходит лето,
Поцелуи лишь зимы мне в награду отданы.
У меня больная темка – будет ль в жизни переменка,
И найду ли я любовь, чтоб пылало сердце вновь ?
Потому что жить средь ночи нету у меня уж мочи.
И тогда последний довод – та стена. Лишь был бы повод.
 

День кошек и котов

 
Любимой кошке посвящается

День котов

Сегодня день котов у нас
(А завтра кошек будет день),
И собираются коты (всяк левый хвост)
Кому не лень.

Они в душе своей кошачьей
(Спокойной, мягкой, не кусачей)
Надежду тайную хранят...
Все дружно выстроились в ряд.

Все кошек ждут своих пушистых,
Иссиня-черных, золотистых
И с шерсткой, мягонькой, как шелк
(Как будто в том хоть раз был толк).

Хвосты задрали дружно вверх,
Глазами смотрят все наверх,
В толпе людской все ищут кошек
(Важнее рыбы то и плошек).

И, завидав кого, бегом,
Мохнатым шерстяным комком
Несутся все к желанной цели
(О ! Лишь бы все они успели !).

И началась уж тут борьба
(Котов и кошек ведь гурьба),
Царапки, зубы, вопли, когти -
Все показали свои локти.


Но вот окончена борьба
(Моя услышана мольба),
Сии коты идут по парам
Все по аллеям и бульварам.

Один лишь кот одним остался
(Он добрым был и не кусался),
И вот поэтому теперь
Живет один сей странный зверь.

Один он утро все встречает,
И сам себя он выручает,
И песни сам себе поет
(Все «мяу» уж знает наперед).

Хотя кому их посвятить?
(Раз некого ему любить)
Лишь только кошке той во сне,
Что в ночь приходит при луне.

И образом ее он сыт
Пока тот жив и не забыт,
И грустным иногда бывает
(Но, впрочем, и не унывает).

И все же верит сей зверек,
Что счастья миг не так далек,
И сможет он ее найти
На своем жизненном пути.



День кошек

Сегодня кошек день настал
(Ну а вчера был день котов)
И это здорово, друзья !
(И хватит, право, лишних слов).

Восславим наших мы подруг
(Они услышат может вдруг)
«Мяу-мяу» мы песню пропоем,
Как славно жить нам всем вдвоем.

Как славно нюхать этот носик,
Торчком поднять обоим хвостик
И шерсткой потереться вмиг
(И, о ! Ты рая враз достиг).

Как славно слышать нам «мур-мяу!»
(Когда ты говоришь ей «чау!)»
Ну и, конечно, «муры-мур !»
(Когда уходишь ты в отгул).

Без кошек грустно жить, друзья,
Без кошек жить совсем нельзя,
Ведь только кошки создают
Домашний бархатный уют.

Ведь только кошки могут враз
Невидимо улучшить нас,
И только же они готовы
Снять одиночества оковы.

А посему мы их почтим
И от собак их защитим.