Текст книги "The Mind-­Twisters Affair "

Автор книги: Thomas Stratton

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THE MIND-TWISTERS AFFAIR

CROSSTOWN TRAFFIC in mid-Manhattan was stalled, the normal state of affairs for the daylight hours. The large black sedan inched its way forward through the sweltering afternoon heat, working resolutely toward the East River. The driver, his jacket off and tie at half mast, was sweating and muttering under his breath. The second man in the front seat was swiveled around, his eyes on the younger man sitting directly behind the driver. The younger man sat stiffly, with a look of quiet desperation in his eyes. He was being watched intently by the other back-seat passenger, who sat with his jacket draped across his lap, his right hand hidden beneath the jacket.

A horn blasted from a few yards away, and the driver jumped slightly and glanced around. Another horn sounded, the driver swore but didn't bother to look for the source of the noise. He stared belligerently ahead while voicing his opinion of all New York drivers except himself.

Suddenly there was a crash and the car lurched forward. The four men were jerked backward into the seat cushions, then tossed forward as the car was stopped suddenly by the rear end of the sports car in front of it. Three of the men turned automatically and angrily toward the rear. The younger man in the back seat lunged for the door. Before any of the others could turn back, he was out of the car and ducking through the stalled traffic.

"Get him!" the driver ordered, and the other two men leaped out of the car. More horns blared as traffic tried to move forward another few feet with three pedestrians ducking through it. The driver pulled an object resembling a cigarette box out of his jacket pocket and began speaking into it.

The younger man snaked his way between the cars and shoved through the crowds on the sidewalk. An alley opened in front of him and he plunged into it and ran. He knew without turning that two of his recent captors would be pursuing him. He had just reached the intersecting alley when the pursuers burst through the crowd and entered the alley. He raced around the corner before they could fire, plunged the length of the alley, and disappeared into the crowd. Now he had a chance; even the vast resources of his pursuers would be taxed to locate a single man in downtown Manhattan when that man didn't want to be located. He didn't know the exact location of the place for which he was heading, but it couldn't be far. The fact that an opportunity had come when it did, after days of patient waiting, was surely a good omen.

He moved rapidly through the crowd; he had a chance, but he was the last person to underestimate the pursuit. There was a commotion in the crowd behind him as someone fried to force his way through the press. He speeded up, noticed that traffic was stalled again, and cut across the street, going through another alley on the opposite side. There was a policeman at the next corner. He thought momentarily of seeking police aid, but discarded the idea. He'd be shot down while the police were still trying to decide whether or not to believe his story. There was only one group which could help him – if he could locate it in time.

Glancing back, he saw no sign of pursuit. His brief elation was stilled by the thought of the number of reinforcements his hunters could pour into the area. He hurried on, winded now and beginning to breathe heavily.

Minutes later, he rounded a final corner and spotted the sign he had been looking for. "De1 Floria – Cleaners" it read. He raced for it and staggered as he entered, gasping for breath. His recent enforced inactivity was beginning to tell on him. Del Floria, a little man in his fifties, looked up from behind the shop counter at the sudden intrusion.

The fugitive lurched across the floor to the counter. Between gasps for breath, he spoke. "Let me in! I can help you! Let me in before they catch me!"

Del Floria looked puzzled but unperturbed, as if he was used to strange men coming into his shop and shouting at him. "Let you in? As far as I can see, you are in."

"No, no! Into U.N.C.L.E. headquarters. You have to trust me. Thrush is after me; they know I'll come here and they can't be far behind. They'll kill me if you don't let me inside!"

"I told you…" Del Floria began again, this time surreptitiously pressing a button recessed under the counter.

"You don't understand," the man rushed on, beginning to regain his breath. "I was a member of Thrush, until I found out the truth about them. I can tell U.N.C.L.E. all sorts of things."

"The truth about Thrush?"

"They're a bunch of international gangsters!" A look of fanaticism came across the man's face. "They're evil; they must be destroyed! I'll do anything to help U.N.C.L.E. against them. I did their terrible work for ten years! I must get in! I must have a chance to make up for those years!"

Del Floria preserved his air of incomprehension while pushing the button a second time. Where was that security detail? The man was close to sobbing now, pounding his fist on the counter.

Suddenly the door burst open again. This time two men in their shirtsleeves pushed their way through, the man in the lead pulling a pistol from his pocket as he entered. The man at the counter whirled around, terrified. He screamed at the sight of the two men, then dashed blindly toward the rear of the shop.

"It's somewhere here, it has to be!" he cried, pounding at the walls around the dressing booths.

The man with the gun stood just inside the doorway, watching both Del Floria and the fugitive. The second man, a huge individual, approached the fugitive, a black jack gripped in one beefy hand.

As the pursuer approached, the fugitive turned from his futile pounding of the walls and swung a fist at his opponent. The man with the blackjack avoided the blow and grabbed the smaller man's wrist. With a quick twist, the fugitive broke free and darted for the doorway. With a speed amazing in so large a man, the pursuer was on him. The blackjack swung once, and the victim crumpled to the shop floor.

Quickly and efficiently, the two men carried the unconscious form from the shop, the leader eyeing Del Floria all the time. However, neither man made a move toward the shop's proprietor, and as they reached the street, the large man even reached back to carefully close the shop door.

A moment later, when the security detail came hurriedly out of the dressing booth which served as an entrance to U.N.C.L.E. headquarters, the shop was peaceful.

CONTENTS

Section I: "Put On His Most Cynical Sneer"

Chapter 1 : "Our image Appears To Have Become Tarnished"

2 : "The Hardest Part Is Finding A Rose With Hips"

3 : "What's Your Excuse For Starting This Riot?"

4 : "Habit, Nothing But Habit"

Section II: "Harass The Foe From The Rear"

5: "How Does One Lose A Helicopter?"

6: "What Is All This Stuff Under Here?"

7: "The Thing To Do Is Work Out A New Questionnaire"

8: "A Powerful Figure Of Evil Indeed"

Section III: "You're Anxious To End Your Career?"

9: "If I Didn't Know Better, I'd Say This Was A Chain"

10: "You're Developing A Very Creditable Mean Streak"

11: "Who Ever Heard Of A Flying Saucer With A Parachute?"

Section IV : "Likewise, Give The Victor A Cheer"

12 : "I Don't Care If They Flapped Their Wings And Flew"

13 : "How Does 'Whateley For President' Strike You?"

14 : ."This Isn't Exactly What I Had In Mind"

15 : "Clumsiness Pays Off Again"

16 : "It's A Little Late To Call Mr. Waverly"

Section I: "Put On His Most Cynical Sneer"

Chapter 1

"Our Image Appears To Have Become Tarnished"

NAPOLEON SOLO and Illya Kuryakin walked respectfully into the office. Alexander Waverly stood at the window, puffing on his pipe and staring contemplatively at the U.N. building a few blocks away. An elderly gnome of a man with an Einstein-style bush of gray hair paced nervously behind Waverly and looked up suddenly as Illya closed the office door.

"Dr. Morthley," Napoleon said, holding out his hand. "It's nice to see you again. How are you coming with your invisibility device?"

Dr. Morthley's welcoming grin faded. "Terrible," he replied. "I haven't been able to make any progress at all since you got me away from Thrush last spring."

Napoleon shook his head sympathetically. "Getting kidnapped by Thrush and spirited away to Central America in an invisible dirigible can be an unsettling experience. Perhaps it's simply taken you a while to recover from the shock."

"Yes," Illya agreed. "I'm sure you'll find a way to make the device practical."

"My feelings precisely, gentlemen," Waverly said, moving toward his large, circular desk. "Dr. Morthley has indicated the need for a fresh viewpoint, which is why I've called you here."

Napoleon raised an eyebrow. "I'm afraid that science was never my strongest subject, sir," be said, looking questioningly at Illya.

"And invisibility wasn't mine," Illya added.

"No, no, gentlemen; you misunderstand. The man we want is Dr. Richard Armden. Unfortunately, we seem to be having some difficulty in acquiring his services."

"Armden?" Illya looked thoughtful. "I seem to have beard that name before."

Waverly smiled as he replaced his pipe in its rack. "Correct, Mr. Kuryakin. Dr. Armden has worked with us before, though always in a minor capacity. That is the fact which makes our present predicament particularly puzzling."

The two agents watched Waverly patiently as he motioned them to sit down. He would explain things in his own time and way, and further questions would simply delay him in his selection of another pipe from the well-stocked rack in front of him. Waverly was one of the few individuals who chain-smoked pipes. After a minute of tamping and puffing, during which time Dr. Morthley resumed his pacing, the U.N.C.L.E. Director resumed.

"You are both familiar with Dr. Morthley's device, and the fact that there are certain problems still to be, ah, conquered, before it can be made practical for our use. Approximately a month ago, Dr. Morthley felt that he could benefit from a fresh viewpoint on the problem. He suggested that we contact a former colleague of his, Dr. Armden, from Indiana. Since Dr. Armden had worked with us previously, this struck me as a splendid idea."

Dr. Morthley stopped pacing and flopped down in a chair. "I don't understand it," he said querulously. "I always considered Richard to be a brilliant man, and he was one of my closest friends when we were both on the Purdue faculty. I simply don't understand his reaction to my phone call, and now this letter…"

"Letter, sir?" Napoleon asked, looking inquiringly at both Morthley and Waverly.

Dr. Morthley pulled a crumpled envelope from the pocket of his equally crumpled coat and handed it to Napoleon. Waverly held up a hand and resumed his interrupted lecture.

"Before you read the letter, gentlemen, let me give you the proper background. You see, when we wrote to Dr. Armden, he ignored us completely. We wrote two letters and sent a telegram, with no reply to any of them."

"That just wasn't like Richard," Dr. Morthley broke in, getting to his feet and beginning to pace again. "I became concerned and telephoned him. His wife answered the phone, and at first he refused to speak to me. It sounded as if she had to plead with him before he came to the phone. And when he did…"

Morthley broke off, shaking his head sadly. After a short pause, he continued. "I'm positive that he's in some sort of trouble. He wouldn't act that way if he wasn't. I've worked with him; he's one of these men who is completely dedicated to his work. I was even a little surprised when he got married, but this! Why, the man never had a political thought in his life!"

Napoleon looked faintly surprised. "I was under the impression that U.N.C.L.E. was above such mundane activity as politics. Disinterested international group, and all that."

"Oh, we are," Mr. Waverly assented. "But our image, at least in the Midwest, appears to have become tarnished. What Dr. Morthley started to say was that Dr. Armden refused to help on the grounds that be would never again work for a – I believe the exact words were 'thieving, communistic, war-mongering' organization like U.N.C.L.E."

"Exactly," said Morthley, "and then he heaped abuse on me, just for associating with you! And he hung up on me."

Napoleon reflected that this might be the major source of the scientist's outrage; probably no one else had ever hung up on Willard Morthley since he had achieved his reputation as one of the finest scientific tinkerers since Edison.

"That was last week," Waverly continued. "Then, just yesterday, Dr. Morthley received that letter which you have in your hand, Mr. Solo. It's from Mrs. Armden. She appears quite concerned about her husband's mental state."

Napoleon glanced quickly through the letter and handed it to Illya.

"There's a hysterical tone to parts of it," Napoleon said. "There must be more to it than just his sudden aversion to U.N.C.L.E. and a general irritability. She sounds as if she fears for his sanity."

Waverly nodded and puffed on his pipe. "My opinion precisely, Mr. Solo. That's why I would like you and Mr. Kuryakin to take a look into it first hand. I agree with Dr. Morthley that something unusual must have happened to change Dr. Armden's attitude so rapidly and radically. It was less than a year ago that he last did a small job for us."

Illya looked up suddenly. "Remember that report we got from Security a few months ago? About the man who came into Del Floria's shop, claiming to be a former Thrush who had seen the error of his ways? At the time we accepted it at face value, but the idea of a Thrush agent suddenly changing sides is at least as improbable as what we have here – and the cases seem quite similar."

Waverly nodded. "Exactly. I confess that I cannot conceive of anything that would make a Thrush agent and a respected scientist both change their opinions of humanity in general and U.N.C.L.E. in particular, but it creates intriguing possibilities."

"Just the same, isn't image-making a little out of our line?" Napoleon asked. "Wouldn't this be something for the public relations department in Section 7 to handle?"

"Possibly; however, I'm afraid that Ethel hasn't yet forgiven us for sending her all the way over to the Bronx last week to speak at a Rotary Club luncheon. I don't think she'd react favorably to a request to fly out to Indiana to change the opinion of one scientist."

"Haven't the Directors given her an assistant yet?" Illya inquired. "I thought you promised her one when Kay left to write television scripts."

Waverly concentrated on his pipe for a moment before replying. "You know the budget, Mr. Kuryakin. And we like to think that all our agents help keep our public image spotless."

"Of course, sir," Napoleon agreed instantly, giving Illya a smug look. "You were saying...?"

"You and Mr. Kuryakin will drive out to see Dr. Armden personally. Find out what has made him so violently opposed to us and try to rectify any misconceptions he may have formed since he last worked with us."

"Drive, sir?" Napoleon asked distastefully.

"Correct, Mr. Solo. Dr. Armden lives in Midford, Indiana, a small university town some distance from the nearest airport. In fact, the town has no public transportation. Of course, you could fly in to Fort Wayne and rent a car there, but there is no immediate crisis requiring your attention. You can afford a leisurely drive across country. I understand the leaves are just beginning to turn." Waverly sighed quietly. "You might even regard it as a sort of vacation. I almost wish I could take the time myself. It's very beautiful this time of year."

Napoleon glanced at Illya. Neither seemed thrilled over the prospect of pastoral perfection. "Vacation," he said.

"Quite right, Mr. Solo. As an additional attraction, I have persuaded the other Directors to allow you to drive the special U.N.C.L.E. car."

Napoleon brightened slightly. "I've heard it's quite a car, sir. I've been hoping for a chance to try it out."

"I rather suspected you might. Bear in mind, however, that its devices are intended to be used against Thrush and not for evading traffic officers. And that speeding tickets are not paid for by U.N.C.L.E."

"Of course, sir," Napoleon agreed. "Our public image…"

"I don't mean to sound stupid," Illya said, "but I'm afraid I haven't been keeping up to date as Napoleon evidently has. Just what is special about the new car?"

Waverly smiled briefly. "I'm sure Mr. Solo will be more than willing to fill you in on all the details later. A few of the salient points include flame throwers behind the grill, a laser system, rocket launchers in the doors, a device for laying a smoke screen, a bullet proof shield, a high speed supercharged exhaust, and a braking parachute for emergency stops."

"I hope they have securely locked garages in Indiana," Illya remarked.

"There's no need to be apprehensive, Mr. Kuryakin. A channel in the car's computer has been programmed to respond to a special voice code from your communicators."

"Computer, sir?" Illya looked skeptical.

"Oh, didn't I mention that? It's something our engineering department developed. It's really quite versatile; a step beyond the miniature integrated circuit models most missiles use. There is a direct radio link with our main data and communications center here in New York."

Illya looked impressed at the mention of something more advanced than integrated circuits, but still had a few doubts. "I hope, sir," he said after a moment's reflection, "that such rudimentary devices as seat belts have not been overlooked?"

Midford struck Napoleon as being similar to Mukwanago, the little town in Wisconsin where the search for Thrush's invisible dirigible had begun. Distinguishing between small towns, however, had never been one of Napoleon's strong points; anything much smaller than Chicago struck him as a village. The major distinguishing feature of Midford was Midford University whose enrollment almost equaled the town's native population.

The university was a sprawling affair, made up of several blocks of one– and two-story buildings on the north edge of town. Three-quarters of a mile away, near the southwestern edge of town, was a branch plant of Falco Industries, where Dr. Armden was employed. It turned out he lived only a few blocks from the plant, near the end of a street which dead-ended at an open field a few doors farther on.

Napoleon made a short U-turn at the end of the street and pulled up behind a dark green Sprite with a racing stripe running along the hood. As they got out, Napoleon eyed the stripe for a second and glanced at the unmarked gray surface of the U.N.C.L.E. car.

"I suppose using the computer in a rally would be unsporting," he said regretfully.

"Very," Illya agreed as he rang the front door bell. A few seconds later, the door opened cautiously. A small woman, apparently in her late forties, peered out, squinting against the setting sun.

"What can I do for you?" she inquired.

"I'm Napoleon Solo and this is Illya Kuryakin," Napoleon began, holding out his identity card.

Before he had a chance to say more, the woman darted out onto the porch, closing the door softly behind her. "From U.N.C.L.E.?" she asked. "You're the ones who've been writing to Richard?"

"Mrs. Armden?" Illya inquired. Receiving a nod, he continued. "It was actually our superior, Mr. Waverly, who wrote your husband; he and Dr. Morthley. But we represent U.N.C.L.E. and…"

"I'm very glad to meet you," she said, "but I don't think it would be advisable for you to come in right now. There are two of Richard's associates with him, and the conversation just turned to Dr. Morthley and U.N.C.L.E. They seem quite bitter."

"Speak of the devil," Napoleon said. "You mean it's not just your husband who has suddenly decided that U.N.C.L.E. is basically evil?"

"Oh, no. Sometimes I think it's the whole town. Yesterday I even heard Richard talking to the boy who delivers our groceries. Maybe the boy was just being polite, but it didn't sound that way."

"Do you have any idea what happened to change them?" Napoleon asked. "Your husband worked for us several times before."

"I know," she said. "When we got the first letter about a month ago, I assumed he would work for you this time. Now that I think back, he'd been acting strangely for a short time previously, but I hadn't paid any attention. This time he just ignored the letter, but the next one seemed to annoy him. Finally, when Willard phoned last week, he seemed to go off the deep end. Since then he's been ranting about U.N.C.L.E. to everyone he meets."

"But do you know what changed him?" Napoleon persisted. "You obviously don't feel this way yourself."

"No, I can't imagine what could have changed him. Of course, I was sick for some time; I wasn't noticing much. I'm over it now, except for a strict diet and avoiding exercise. The doctor said I'm as good as new. But apparently the change came while I was still in bed."

"He's never mentioned anything specific to you?" Napoleon asked.

"Nothing. I'm not even sure what he dislikes about U.N.C.L.E. He never says anything specific."

"Could we see him?" Illya asked, moving toward the door. "Perhaps he'd tell us what's troubling him."

Mrs. Armden shook her head. "I'm afraid you'd just make him worse."

"We'll have to see him some time, Mrs. Armden," Napoleon said politely. "We've driven almost a thousand miles. Mr. Waverly and Dr. Morthley are very concerned about him."

She silently debated with herself before answering. "Very well, I suppose you must. But try not to..." Her voice trailed off for a moment before she continued. "I hope you can help."

"We'll do our best," Napoleon assured her.

Mrs. Armden gave the impression of squaring her shoulders as she turned to open the door and lead the two agents into the house. They stopped in an archway leading to a comfortable-looking living room. A small, wiry man with a bristling gray crewcut rose from an armchair to greet them. Two other men, both younger, remained seated on a couch.

"Richard," Mrs. Armden said to the older man, "these are friends of Willard. They've come all the way from New York to…"

"From U.N.C.L.E., you mean?" Armden said shortly. "Some people just won't take no for an answer."

"We do work for U.N.C.L.E.," Napoleon admitted, "but we are here because we're friends of Dr. Morthley."

"Who also works for U.N.C.L.E.," Armden said, unimpressed. "I used to be a friend of his, until he was subverted by his other alleged friends." He laughed shortly. "I always thought he would have better sense than to be taken in by your kind."

"But you also used to work for us," Napoleon pointed out. "You seem to be the one who has changed, not Dr. Morthley."

Armden's face froze for a second, then, as if something had clicked in his mind, he began speaking rapidly. "That was before I knew the truth about you. Now that I know, I'm through. You'll never get me back into that den of murderers!"

"Interesting," Napoleon commented, watching Armden. "How did you find out the truth?"

"I'm sure you'd like to know," Armden said. "Then you could stop other people from learning about you. But you're too late; it's becoming common knowledge. Now then, I have better things to do with my time than waste it on you. If you will leave, I can get back to my real friends."

Armden turned his back on them and sat down with finality. The other two men smiled approvingly at him. "Don't waste our time," one of them said. "Run back to Mr. Waverly and tell him that U.N.C.L.E. doesn't fool us out here."

The two agents glanced at one another. Mrs. Armden stood behind them, looking nervous.

"That would seem to be that," Illya remarked.

Napoleon nodded agreement and turned to go. Mrs. Armden scurried along the hallway and opened the door. Back on the porch, Napoleon asked, "How long has this been going on? You said something about his acting strangely before he received our letters."

"I can't say when it began; I was sick and he was worried, and neither of us was behaving normally. I noticed some – oddities – in his actions. Whatever it was, I just assumed that he had a problem at work. There wasn't anything really definite until the letters arrived. Since then, it seems to have been getting steadily worse."

"And he's never been any more specific than he was tonight?"

"Never." She laughed nervously.

Napoleon looked thoughtful. "If we're going to find out anything useful, it's going to take more than this evening. Can you recommend a good hotel, Mrs. Armden?"

"There's only one hotel in town. It's just north of the square." She pointed vaguely northeast.

"Thank you," Napoleon said. "We'll be in touch with you again before the weekend is over."

She didn't seem overjoyed at the prospect, but she managed a weak smile as they walked to the car. Napoleon motioned Illya into the driver's seat and pulled out his communicator as he slid into the passenger's side.

"Yes, Mr. Solo?" Waverly's voice came to them as the car pulled away from the curb. "I've been waiting to hear from you. Have you communicated with Dr. Armden?"

"I don't think that's quite the right term. We talked with him briefly, but I don't think we communicated with him."

"That's hardly unusual in the world today, Mr. Solo. I sometimes think that's one of our biggest problems; great amounts of talk but no communication. But that's neither here nor there, is it? What seems to be the matter with Dr. Armden?"

"It's hard to say," Napoleon began. "It was a little like talking to a politician who has a set of platitudes but no real knowledge. We couldn't get him to give a direct answer." He recounted their meeting with Armden and his friends.

"So the unfriendliness isn't restricted to Dr. Armden," Waverly mused. "I was afraid of that. Do you know if these other people have influenced him, or have they, too, been acted on by some mysterious force?

"Mrs. Armden gave the impression that no one individual was responsible for influencing her husband. We plan to stay here overnight and investigate further. Tomorrow will be Saturday, and we can reach most of the people we want to see. Perhaps we'll have more definite information for you then."

"Very well, Mr. Solo. There is one other person you might particularly want to speak to. Dr. Arnold Bennett is also employed by Falco, and he also once did some work for us." Waverly paused for a second before continuing. "Approach Dr. Bennett with caution, and keep me informed of the results. This begins to look a trifle sinister."

"Thrush, sir?" Napoleon speculated.

"Perhaps. It wouldn't do any harm to find if Dr. Armden's dislike for U.N.C.L.E. is accompanied by a corresponding fondness for Thrush. However, I don't want my agents to work on the assumption that Thrush is at the root of every problem. There are other inimical forces in the world. Remember to keep an open mind, Mr. Solo."

"Are there any local agents we could contact for information?" Napoleon asked.

Waverly thought for a moment. "The nearest major office would be Chicago, I believe. We have an office in Fort Wayne, but it's quite small; only one full-time agent. I seem to recall one or two part-time agents near Midford; we have several scattered throughout northern Indiana. Their duty is primarily information gathering, but they might be able to render you some assistance, particularly since information is precisely what we are after here. I'll have a check made, and give you a list of names and addresses the next time you check in."

"Right, sir," Napoleon said. "I'll report in as soon as we've talked with Dr. Bennett. Solo out.

Napoleon replaced the communicator in his pocket and settled back in the seat. Another typical U.N.C.L.E. vacation, he thought. Relax and enjoy yourself, and keep your eyes open for any Thrushes who happen to be vacationing in your vicinity.

Chapter 2

"The Hardest Part Is Finding A Rose With Hips"

DR. BENNETT LIVED ON a street bordering the Midford University campus. Illya insisted that they walk and enjoy the Hoosier autumn. They spotted Bennett's house from a block away, Bennett out on the lawn.

The man looked up from a lawn mower as they approached. "You still around?" he asked sharply. "What are you after now?"

"You're Dr. Arnold Bennett?" Napoleon asked.

"Yes, if it's any of your business."

"We understand you've done work for U.N.C.L.E. in the past, Dr. Bennett. We wondered why your attitude is so different now."

"I've come to my senses, is all," Bennett said impatiently.

"What's your opinion of Thrush?" Illya put in quickly.

"Thrush?" Bennett looked at them uncomprehendingly. "I'm a chemist, not a birdwatcher. Good day!" He gave the mower a vicious shove that almost ran it over Illya's foot, then turned and moved away across the lawn.

"I'm glad he doesn't have a power mower," Illya remarked as he watched Bennett disappear around the house into the back yard.

Napoleon was looking across the street at the campus. "Remember what Mrs. Armden said last night, about sometimes thinking the whole town had changed? Let's check someone from out of town."

"And let's hope Armden and friends haven't been broadcasting our description," Illya said as they started across the street.

In the middle of a small area of trees and carefully mowed grass stood a middle aged, portly gentleman, peering about with a distracted air. He looked up as the two agents approached.

"Have either of you gentlemen chanced to see a stray wombat this morning?" he asked, smiling uncertainly.

Napoleon looked startled. "I don't think so; what does a wombat look like?"

"Like a groundhog with delusions of grandeur," Illya explained and turned to their new acquaintance. "No, we haven't seen one. Is one missing?" Napoleon remained silent and made believe he knew what a groundhog looked like.

"Yes, Eyre seems to have vanished again," the portly man replied. "We named him Eyre because he's a long distance traveler; he's gotten loose before. He always comes back, of course, but he can cause rather expensive damage if we don't find him in time."