Текст книги "Afterburn"

Автор книги: Sylvia Day

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“I suspected, knowing Ian.”

I handed the agreement back to her.

“Rutledge took care of you tonight,” Lei noted. “Ian tried to throw you to the wolves, but Jackson kept you too close for that.”

And he’d wanted me even closer.

I shrugged off her unspoken query, not wanting to get into something so deeply personal. “By the way, Parker Rutledge explained the connection. Ian introduced Parker to the latest Mrs. Rutledge.”

“Did he?” Lei’s elegantly arched brows rose. “Then it’s likely Ian knows Regina Rutledge intimately.”

“Are you kidding?”

“’Fraid not.”

“Okay, then.”

She leaned her head back against the seat. “Let’s enjoy the weekend. Turn off your phone, forget about work. Just recharge. We’ll hit it fresh on Monday.”

That sounded perfect to me. “I’m more than game, but I’ll leave my phone on in case you need me.”

Lei smiled. “I won’t need you, I promise. I’ve got a date this weekend.”

“All weekend?”

“I’m overdue.”

I laughed. In the year I’d been with Lei, I hadn’t known her to date. She was due for a good time, all right. So was I. “Rock it.”

She shot me a look. “I plan to.”

* * *

WHEN I GOT HOME, it was just past two in the morning and everyone was asleep. I padded to my room on bare feet, eager to strip and scrub down to my bare skin.

I was reaching for the concealed zipper on the side of my dress when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirrored closet doors. I paused, really taking a good hard look at myself.

Was Jax attracted to the polished businesswoman I’d become in a way he hadn’t been to the girl I was before? Was I okay with that?

“God.” I sat on the edge of my bed, wishing someone were awake that I could talk to. If Nico had been around, he’d be up. He was a night owl.

Impulsively, I reached for the phone on my nightstand and speed-dialed him. It rang three times before he answered.

“Hey,” he said. “This better be good.”

I winced at his irritated and slightly breathless tone, suspecting I’d interrupted him when he had someone staying over. “Nico, hi. Sorry. I’ll call back tomorrow.”

“Gianna.” He exhaled roughly and I heard rustling. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. We’ll chat tomorrow. Bye.”

“Don’t hang up on me!” he snapped. “You wanted me, you got me. Spill it.”

I hung up, figuring the sooner I let him go, the sooner he’d get back to whatever he’d been doing.

A half second later, the phone started ringing. I answered quickly, hoping it didn’t wake up the rest of the house. “Nico, come on. It’s not a big deal. I’m sorry I bugged you so late.”

“Gianna, if you don’t start talking, I’m heading up there to kick your ass. Is this about Jackson?”

I sighed. I should have known he would’ve heard the news from someone. “I’ve got a free weekend. I thought maybe I could come visit. Give you a hard time. Harass you a little. Or a lot.”

“Now?”

Actually, I’d been thinking about it, but... “No, tomorrow.”

“Bullshit. You don’t call after two in the morning to say you want to stop by tomorrow.”

“You’re busy.”

“By the time you get here, I won’t be.” His voice softened. “You got a safe ride down?”

“Nico—”

“I’ll call a service, have a car pick you up.”

I closed my eyes, grateful for him and more certain than ever that hanging with him would do me a world of good. It’d been a few weeks since I’d seen him. Too long. “I need to shower and change.”

“Thirty minutes. I’ll see you when you get here.” He hung up.

Setting the handset back into its cradle, I hurried to get ready.

* * *

IT WAS CREEPING past four in the morning when I arrived at Nico’s apartment complex. He’d called a few minutes before to check where I was and was standing on the sidewalk waiting for me when I pulled up. Dressed in sweats with a shadow of stubble on his jaw, he looked a bit dangerous in that bad-boy way so many women gravitated toward.

God knew Jax’s alpha-male qualities could put me into heat.

“Hey,” he said, taking my duffel bag from the driver and handing over cash. He slung his arm around my shoulder and led me toward his place. “It’s good to see you.”

“No, it’s not.” I bumped my hip into his and made us both stumble. “Sorry to crash your night.”

“I got mine.” He grinned. “She got hers, too, so it’s all good.”

“Gross. TMI.” He was such a player. Always had been. “Is she anyone special?”

“Not in a serious way. Got no time for a relationship now. My hands are full with Rossi’s Two.”

He released me to unlock the lobby door, then led me through to the interior courtyard. I’d been to his apartment complex before to help him move in, but it felt different at night. Too quiet and unfamiliar. I wondered if he got lonely without the rest of us. It made me sad to think of it.

“I wish you had someone to take care of you,” I said.

“You first,” he retorted, deftly bringing it back to me. He was good at that.

We climbed exterior steps to his apartment. Once inside, I saw that he hadn’t done much more to it since he’d moved in. It was a typical bachelor pad—sparse on decoration and laid out for comfort rather than aesthetics.

A large flat-screen TV dominated the living room, which had a black leather couch and love seat, coffee table and one end table with an open soda can on it. Light spilled into the otherwise darkened room from the open-plan kitchen and ajar bedroom door, trying valiantly to compensate for the lack of table and floor lamps.

“So, Jax is back,” he said, watching me as I dropped onto the couch. “Vincent owes me a hundred bucks.”

“Are you kidding?” I would’ve thrown a sofa pillow at him if he’d had any. “You bet on Jax?”

“Bet on you.” He sat on the love seat, setting my duffel on the floor at his feet. “He was gonzo over you, which meant he was either going to put a ring on you or run scared. I figured he’d run, then come back around once the fear wore off. He’s a guy, but he’s a smart one. Question is, is he too late? I’m guessing no or you wouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe I just wanted to see you,” I argued. “God knows why.”

“Maybe,” he said in a tone that told me he’d believe it when hell froze over and pigs flew. “You still love him?”

My head fell back against the sofa, and I closed my tired eyes. “Yeah. Damn it.”

“And him? Where’s he coming from?”

“He’s confused.”

“Should I smack him around some? Knock some sense into him?”

I laughed softly. “God, I miss you.”

* * *

WE SLEPT PAST NOON, went out to eat, then sat on the couch and played video games until my thumbs ached from using the controller. I left my smartphone in my purse, powered off and squashed any impulse to check it. I’d left a note for Angelo and Vincent about where I’d be. With Lei off the grid for the weekend, there was no one else who needed to reach me before Monday.

When it came time for Nico to head into Rossi’s, I got up off the couch with him.

“Need an extra set of Rossi hands?” I asked.

He grinned. “Sure. I have an extra T-shirt around here somewhere.”

By seven, I found myself helping out at Rossi’s and remembering how much I loved the hands-on part of the business. I couldn’t do it long-term, like my brothers, but I was reminded that helping out every now and then was good for my soul. Dressed in jeans and a black Rossi’s T-shirt with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, I could almost believe I was back in high school. I didn’t know any of the customers coming in, but they quickly picked up on my relationship with Nico, due in large part to the playful ribbing we indulged in.

Crossing my arms on the bar, I leaned over and teased, “Where’s my Bellini order? Pick it up, Rossi. You’re laggin’. I’m waitin’.”

“Ya hear that?” he asked the pretty redhead sitting in front of him. “She’s rushing greatness.”

I felt a charge that raised the hairs on my nape an instant before I felt a hand on my hip. I turned my head...

And saw Jax.

Blinking, I stared, drinking in the sight of him in jeans and a Rossi’s T-shirt from way back, before we updated the logo. It twisted me up a little to see that he’d kept the gift. And worn it some, judging by how broken in it was.

“Jax. What are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” He smiled.

Damn it.His dimple threw me for a loop.

I turned to face him, leaning back on the bar with my elbows and hitching my shoe onto the brass foot rail. It was a deliberately provocative pose and got me the response I’d been hoping for.

His dark eyes swept me from head to toe and back again, coming to rest on my mouth. “Have dinner with me.”

“Okay.”

His brows rose at my quick reply.

“Order up,” Nico said behind me.

I turned back to him just in time to see him acknowledge Jax with a jerk of his chin and a handshake.

“Jackson,” my brother greeted him. “I was just talking to Gianna about kicking your ass.”

Jax grinned. “Good to see you, too, man.”

Nico wagged a finger at him and moved back down the bar.

As I transferred the three Bellinis onto my tray, I felt Jax’s hands come to rest lightly on my hips, an unmistakably proprietary move. His lips touched my nape, brushing softly. “I missed you,” he murmured.

My hand shook slightly as I set the last tall, slender glass down. “Don’t fuck with me, Jax. It’s not cool.”

“You missed me, too.”

“Yeah, I did. Back up.” I lifted the tray and headed toward the table awaiting the order. “Come on,” I told him over my shoulder.

I dropped the drinks off, smiling at the party of three women who were clearly out on a girls’ night. They eyed Jax, who leaned against the end of a booth with his arms crossed, his gaze on me as I leaned forward to serve.

“You training him?” the brunette asked, grinning at Jax.

“Tried to,” I quipped. “Failed miserably.”

“I’m asking her to try again,” he said, winking at the table. A really rotten thing to do since it got the women all riled up...and me, too.

“Give it a shot, girl,” the blonde encouraged. “Trying is half the fun!”

They were laughing as I walked away, exchanging words with Jax, who lingered as I hit the bar to drop off the empty tray.

“You okay?” Nico asked, intercepting me.

“Yep.” I straightened my shoulders and abruptly decided on a course of action. Jax and I could dance around each other for days if I let us. I didn’t have the patience for it. “I’m heading out for a bit.”

He nodded and reached over to squeeze my hand. “Give him hell.”

“Thanks.” I pivoted and nearly ran into Jax, who’d come up behind me. “You staying somewhere?”

The faint amusement on his face faded into something darker. Hotter. “I’ve got a room, yes.”

“Let me grab my purse.”

He caught my elbow before I walked away. “Gia.”

I looked at him, let him study me.

His thumb brushed over my skin. “There’s no rush.”

“In three days, you’ve popped up where I am across three different states. Nowyou’re going to cock-block yourself? Really?”

A slow smile curved his mouth. “You’ve got a point. I’ll go get the car.”

* * *

A SLEEK BMW waited just beyond the front doors of Rossi’s when I stepped outside. The car was a rental, but it suited Jax. He was standing by to open the door for me, his lips brushing over my cheek before I took the passenger seat.

It was addicting the way he touched me, as if he couldn’t help himself.

Jax slid behind the wheel. The engine purred to life, and we set off.

Sitting back, I watched him drive, turned on by his confident handling of the powerful car. His grip on the wheel was light, his arm extended in a way that showed off the beauty of his chiseled arms. He was an inherently sexy man and I was crazy in love with him, able to adore every commonplace thing he did.

Which wasn’t fair, I realized. I’d never recognized his flaws, although he surely had some. I had never acknowledged that there might be struggles in his life, circumstances and people who might pull him in different directions and away from me. I’d never scratched below the surface.

Reaching over, I set my hand on his thigh, feeling my palm tingle as the hard muscle bunched in reaction to my touch. He switched driving hands so that he could hold me in place, his skin warm and dry.

He glanced at me. “Are you nervous?”

“No.” Wary, yes, but not anxious about it. “I want you.”

He nodded and drove faster.

We didn’t say anything further on the drive to his hotel or once we arrived. He parked and we entered a center courtyard via a key-card entrance at the side of the building. We took an elevator up, standing on opposite sides of the car, our gazes locked as the seconds ticked by.

The tension was so thick I found it hard to breathe, my lips parted as I pulled air into my lungs in a near pant. I could feel the need radiating off him, sensed the hunger tightening his muscles and sharpening his focus on every response of my body to his. He was hard already, his cock straining against the button-fly of his jeans.

And I was wet and ready, aching between my legs, my breasts full and heavy. My nipples were furled so tightly they throbbed and stretched shamelessly toward him.

His gaze was there on my chest, caressing me, his tongue sliding along his lower lip in a blatant promise of what he’d be doing to me as soon as we were alone.

The elevator dinged to announce our arrival on his floor and he surged toward me, grabbing my hand in his and dragging me after him. A long hallway later, he was shoving open a door to a suite and then he was on me, grabbing me so tightly my feet left the floor. I dropped my purse and hung on.

Jax’s mouth found mine as the door clicked shut, one arm around my waist and the other hand shoved into my hair, dislodging the elastic restraining my ponytail. The finesse he’d shown the night before was gone, only animal hunger left in its wake. His lips slanted over mine, his tongue plunging rhythmically into my mouth, luring me to climb his big body.

My legs wrapped around his lean waist, my arms caging his shoulders, my hips rocking to rub my cleft against the rigid outline of his erection. I moaned as the pressure drove me mad, the layers of denim between us too thick to relieve me.

“Jax,” I gasped into his mouth.

“Hang on,” he growled, pinning me to the door.

My legs straightened, my hands going to the front of my jeans. I popped the button open and yanked down the zipper, struggling against Jax, who was shoving up my shirt.

His hands found my breasts and squeezed through the thin satin of my bra. I gasped, shocked by the intimacy.

“Christ, you’re gorgeous,” he breathed, his thumbs circling the hardened points of my nipples.

My head fell back against the door, my lungs struggling for air.

His dark head lowered, his tongue licking me through my bra, his lips wrapping around me. He sucked hard, and I writhed, my hands clawing at the door behind me.

“Hurry, Jax. Damn it!”

His dimple flashed, then he was kissing me again, his body hard against mine, his hands between us as he wrenched his button-fly open. I barely had the sense to dig his wallet out of his pocket before he shoved his jeans down and out of the way. Fumbling, I found a condom and tossed the wallet on the tiled entryway.

I was ripping open the foil with my teeth when he started pulling at my pants, tugging them roughly. I stumbled, laughing, falling into him, letting him sweep me up again and lower me to the floor.

Kicking off my shoes, I wrestled with him, our arms and legs tangling as we fought our clothing and our own desperate urgency. Jax yanked off his shirt, pulled the jeans off one of my legs and ground out, “That’s good enough.”

He ripped my panties to get at me, hissed through his teeth when I sheathed him in latex. Then he pushed my thighs wide to sink between them.

His first thrust inside me had my back bowing off the floor.

“Gia.”

With his neck arched, shoulders straining, sweat glistening on his chest, Jax was impossibly beautiful. He throbbed inside me, so thick and hard, so deep. My heels dug into the carpet, my hips churning as I struggled to accommodate him.

“Baby, wait,” he gasped, gripping my waist to hold me still. “I’m too close....”

“Jax...please!”

He looked down at me fiercely, his eyes glittering in the semidarkness of a room lit only by light spilling through the windows.

“Is this what you want?” He pulled back, sliding out of me. Then thrust.

“Oh, God,” I moaned, quivering. “Don’t stop.”

One hand at a time, he linked his fingers with mine and pulled my arms over my head. Rolling his hips, he stroked deep on the inside, rubbing me perfectly on the outside. For all his impatience to get at me, once he was there, he took his time.

His lips touched my ear and he whispered, “Give it to me, baby. Let me feel you.”

Rocking upward, I wrapped my legs around him and took it, climaxing with a low pained moan, shivering with pleasure as my sex clenched in desperate ripples around him.

“That’s it,” he coaxed hoarsely, beginning to move. “Ah, Jesus, you feel amazing.”

I held on, his measured drives keeping me hot and wanting. My core tightened, reaching again.

“You’re so hard,” I whispered, loving the feel of him, the smooth slick glide.

“It’s you.” He kissed me, his hands tightening on mine as his hips lunged again and again, taking me with long, deep plunges. “Gia, baby...you’re making me come.”

His pace quickened, then he tensed, his head thrown back as the orgasm hit him. I watched, awed, as shudders racked his powerful frame. He groaned my name, his eyes squeezed shut, his neck straining as he came with such intensity it brought me off again.

Turning my head, I sank my teeth into his forearm, muffling my cries as the hunger sharpened painfully, then receded into a hot, sweet ache.

“Gia.” He clutched me firmly, nuzzling his sweat-slickened face against mine.

Wrapped in him, filled with him, I released my bite and pressed my lips to the mark. Wishing it was possible to so easily brand him as mine.

Chapter 7

JAX ROLLED TO his back beside me and groaned. “I can’t feel my legs.”

I laughed, knowing just how he felt. I was tingling all over, as if my entire body was reawakening after a long hibernation.

Which was sadly true.

He turned his head toward me. I looked at him.

“Hey,” he said, reaching for my hand and lifting it to his mouth for a kiss.

“Hi.” I studied him, seeing that soft warmth in his eyes I’d missed so much.

“I’m sorry we didn’t make it to the bedroom.”

“S’okay.” I smiled. “I’m not complaining.”

“I’ll get you there as soon as I can walk.”

“Getting old, Rutledge?” I teased, knowing that at twenty-nine, he was in his prime.

He looked at the raised ceiling with its pretty moldings. “Out of practice.”

“Yeah, right.” I threw my arm over my face, hiding my reaction. I couldn’t think about him with other women. It made me crazy. “I read the papers, you know.”

“Escorting a woman somewhere and fucking her are two different things.” He leaned over me. Catching my wrist, he pulled my arm above my head and exposed my face. “But it feels good to know you’ve been keeping tabs.”

“I wasn’t.”

Jax flashed his dimple at me. “Okay.”

He rose up to his knees and sank back on his heels, removing the condom. His movements were easy and unaffected, but the sight of his half-hard cock glistening with semen made my mouth water.

I pushed up onto my elbows and licked my lips. “Come here.”

He responded instantly, his cock stiffening and lengthening. “Jesus, Gia.”

I moved toward him.

“Shower,” he said hoarsely, pushing unsteadily to his feet, then holding out his hand to me. “I’ll taste like rubber without one.”

“I don’t care.”

“I do.” He pulled me up. “Once I slide into your mouth, I’m staying there awhile.”

I looked at him, taking him in, finding him so damned sexy standing there—tall and bare chested, his jeans open and shoved down, his cock exposed and curving upward toward his navel. I’d never seen anything so blatantly masculine and erotic.

This was the Jax I knew. And loved so much.

“Look at you,” he murmured, his thumb brushing over my swollen lower lip. “You’re so fucking sexy. So soft and beautiful.”

“Right.” My mouth curved as I checked myself out. My jeans and torn panties clung to one leg and my shirt was shoved up over my breasts. No doubt my hair was a mess. “Spoken like a man who just had an orgasm and wants another.”

“Don’t.” He caught my chin, tilting my head up. “You can’t ask me to give you everything I’ve got, then take it lightly. It’s not fair.”

“No,” I agreed. “It isn’t, is it?”

From the tightening of his jaw, I knew he got the message– he’dtaken melightly...then left me behind.

Crouching, he held my jeans down so I could pull my leg free. Then he caught my hand and led me around the wrought-iron-and-glass coffee table.

We crossed the taupe carpet to enter a bedroom boasting a king-size bed with a dark wood headboard matching the desk and armoire also in the room. There was a seating area by a window that stretched up to the high ceiling, and the entry into the bathroom was a beautifully simple archway.

I tried not to show how astonished I was when Jax flipped the light on, but was glad he didn’t look at me because I was pretty sure I failed. The room was huge, with a shower that could accommodate three people and a separate sunken tub with jets. A television was embedded in the wall and the dual-sink vanity resembled the heavy wooden furniture in the bedroom.

I had to ask. “Did you book this room thinking you’d get me to come here?”

“I hoped.” Jax let me go to turn on the shower. I whistled, impressed by the giant showerhead embedded in the ceiling, which sprayed water straight down like a waterfall.

He faced me with a smile that dazzled me. “Can I finish unwrapping you?”

A sharp ache spread through me. Gia, baby, you’re my present to myself after a long, hard day.One of the many things he’d said to me back in Vegas that had made me love him.

I wondered suddenly if that was just who Jax was and the way he talked to whatever woman was with him at the time. Maybe he hadn’t a clue about how sweet nothings like that could turn a girl inside out. Or maybe he did. The thought depressed me.

“Hey.” He caught my chin, tilting my head back. “Don’t check out on me now. I’m here. I’m in this.”

“For how long? The weekend?” I backed away, some niggling sense of self-preservation warning me to get out while I was ahead. “I can’t do this, Jax.”

His jaw tightened. “Gia...”

I turned and hurried through the bedroom to get my clothes.

“What the fuck?” he snapped, grabbing my arm as I crossed over the threshold into the living room. “You wanted this.”

“It was a mistake.” A huge mistake. I was too invested in my feelings for him to find closure this way.

“The hell it was.” He tugged me around to face him, grabbing me by the forearms so that I couldn’t get away. “Why did you ask for this? You wanted to come here. You wanted me to make love to you.”

“I wanted to fuckyou,” I growled, hating how he recoiled from my words. “I wanted to get past the tension so maybe you’d start giving me the truth. I don’t want any more of your smooth-player bullshit. It’s not real. You’renot real.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? This is as real as it gets, and you know it.”

I yanked free and stalked farther into the living room, feeling foolish in only socks and my Rossi’s T-shirt. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Time for what? Me?” Jax’s long stride easily overtook mine. He reached my jeans first and stepped on the cuff, pinning them to the floor. His arms crossed his chest, displaying the raw power of his ripped body to perfection. He didn’t care at all that his pants were still undone, although he’d hitched his boxer briefs up at some point along the way.

“I don’t have the time or patience to pretend like we’re building something here when we’re not.” I fixed my ponytail, trying to focus on putting myself back together—at least on the outside.

His scowl depended. “Who’s pretending?”

I threw up my hands. “Why do you talk to me like you do? All that crap about unwrapping and missing me and...and all of it! Why can’t you just be real about what we have, what we’ve alwayshad—nothing but great sex?”

“We’re not just fucking,” he growled, leaning forward. “You don’t fall in love over nothing but sex.”

“Do I have to be in love with you? Does it make it better for you if I am?” To my horror, I felt my eyes sting with tears. “You’ve already gotten into my pants. I don’t understand why you have to act like this is a romance. Don’t make something that should be simple so complicated for me!”

“Baby, we’ve never had simple.” He exhaled harshly and reached up to rub the back of his neck. “What do you want from me, Gia?”

“I think we need to focus on what you want from me, since what I want is irrelevant.”

He scowled. “That’s not true.”

My hands went to my hips. “I want a commitment, a chance, some effort made to see how far this thing between us could go. You’ve already shot that down. So what’s left is what you want.”

“I want you.”

“You want to fuck me,” I corrected. “Why can’t you just be matter-of-fact about it?”

“Gia.” He shook his head and sighed. “I’m an asshole to everyone else in my life. You’re the one thing I’ve cherished. Don’t make me stop.”

“See? Like that! Why do you have to say stuff like that? Why can’t you just say you like me or something—”

“Because I don’t just likeyou. You get under my skin. I think about you damn near all the time and I get hard.I see you and I forget who I am. You don’t know what you do to me.” Jax’s voice lowered dangerously. “You make me want to rut,Gia. I want to pull you beneath me, work my cock into you and ride until you’ve wrung me dry. You make me need—”

“Shut up!” God, I was quivering, my hunger stirring in response to the heated waves of desire sizzling off him.

“You know how it feels. You’re feeling it, too. Let me give it to you.”

“No!” The refusal cut deep, like restraining part of myself with barbed wire.

“Give me tonight.” He reached for my hand and squeezed too tightly. “One night.”

I laughed softly even as my sight blurred. “One night to screw me out of your system? That’s a cliché, Jax. It never works. Great sex doesn’t stop being great just because you gorge on it.”

“So we’ll have a night of great sex. We both want it. Need it.”

“I don’t need this.” I tried to reclaim my hand, but he wouldn’t let go.

“The hell you don’t.”

Nothing but the truth would work with Jax. He read me too easily, was too adept at homing in on a challenger’s weakness and exploiting it.

“I can’t do this,” I said again, holding his gaze. “I’m not like the women you’re used to sleeping with. I can’t do it for fun or to scratch an itch. Not with you. I fell for you the last time. I can’t do it again.”

“You’re still in love with me,” he retorted bluntly. “Give me a chance to make that something you stop regretting.”

I turned away from him, my gaze sweeping over a living room that was bigger than my bedroom back home. “I want you to take me back to Rossi’s.”

“That’s a problem.” He came up behind me, his arms wrapping around me. With his lips to my throat, he whispered, “I want to take you to bed. If you don’t want me to talk, I won’t say a word.”

I closed my eyes, absorbing the feel of him behind me. The warmth of his body, the scent of his skin now musky with sweat and sex, the soft caress of his breath.

“You left the shower on,” I said, latching on to something inane and far less personal.

“I’d turn it off if I wasn’t afraid you’d bail while I wasn’t looking.”

“You can’t keep me prisoner here.”

“I don’t want to. I want you willing. I want the Gia who demanded I bring her here and give her whatever she wanted.”

I glanced over my shoulder at him, finding his eyes glittering at me from the shadows that caressed his beautiful face. I felt the pull inside me, that inexorable tugging between us. I didn’t know how to turn it off or ignore it. Some sick cosmic joke had made me hardwired to crave him with every fiber of my being.

Did I have what it took to convince him to stay? I had what it took to get him to want more; that was a start.

“Tonight’s not enough,” I said quietly.

“Thank God. I just threw that out there to buy some time to convince you otherwise.”

“You can’t just walk away without a goodbye like last time.” I turned in his arms. “I want you to look me in the eye and say you’re through when you decide you’ve had enough.”

His lips thinned, but he nodded.

“I want monogamy.”

“Damn straight. I’m not sharing you.”

“I’m taking about youbeing monogamous,” I said drily.

“That’s a given.” He cupped my face. “What else?”

“My hours are erratic. My job comes first.”

“I fit into your life before—I can do it again.”

I gripped his wrists. I could go on with the list of my wants, but what I needed at that moment was distance and some perspective. I needed some time to back up, catch my breath and my bearings, then I might be able to figure out the next best move to make. “I want you to turn off the damn shower and take me to dinner. I’m hungry.”

He laughed, but it sounded strained. “You always did get hungry after sex. Can we actually take the shower first?”

“No.” I leaned forward. “I want you to smell me on your skin for the next couple hours.”

Jax groaned. “You want to punish me.”

“Yep,” I agreed. “That, too.”

* * *

NICO SHOT ME a knowing look when Jax and I returned to Rossi’s. I stuck my tongue out at him.

We grabbed a table and ordered shiraz. I went with lasagna, Jax went with pollo alla cacciatora.While we waited for our food, I studied him, admiring the way the small candle on the table between us gilded him. He looked softer, more relaxed, his face impossibly more handsome.

He had the look of a well-fucked man, one who was sated and yet anticipating further pleasures ahead. I loved that I put that look on him, but I hated it, too. Because I wasn’t in danger just from the things he said; it was everything about him that made me vulnerable. The effect he had on me was in large part due to the effect I had on him.

I made him happy. Content. And it was difficult not to feel as if that made me special, even though I knew better.

“So Regina is your stepmom, right?” I asked, giving my mind something else to think about.

“Yeah.” He looked into his wineglass.

“How did that happen?” Would he mention Ian and open that door...?

“My mom died ten years ago.”

“Oh.” Seeing how he closed up alerted me—I’d touched on a painful subject. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jax.”