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Bender
  • Текст добавлен: 9 октября 2016, 17:56

Текст книги "Bender"


Автор книги: Stacy Borel



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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 20 страниц)


THE NEXT MORNING I WAS LYING in my bed staring at the yellow walls. Walls that Camden had painted for me because he was trying to do something nice, something to show he cared. The fact that I had a bag packed beside my bed was weighing heavily on me, but the idea of walking out of the apartment not knowing when I’d be back made me want to hurl myself off a cliff. If I walked out on Camden, that would be it. He wouldn’t forgive me, and there’d be no coming back. There was a light tapping on the door before it was opened and in walked a showered and refreshed Bree. I thought she had left town already but apparently not. Lucky me.

“Hey, mind if I come in?” she asked.

Uncurling myself, I scooted up the bed and pushed my hair behind my ears. “No, come on in.” I really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody, and certainly not her. I might know who she was now, but that didn’t mean my brain was yet computing that she wasn’t the enemy. I should get to know her though. Camden protected her, he loved her, and he was a part of her, because they shared the same DNA. And anything that was Camden, I loved.

She came and sat down next to me, stretching out her long toned legs and getting comfortable next to me like she’d known me her whole life. “How’re you holding up?”

“Fine I guess. Just happy that my sister is safe.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I heard about that. That must’ve been pretty scary.”

“Yes it was, more than you know.” I was fidgeting with my blankets.

There was an awkward silence that loomed between us, and neither one of us were speaking. She glanced around my room and smiled. “Like your room. I have the same colors in mine.”

I didn’t know how I felt about us sharing the same tastes. Maybe that was why Camden picked what he did. “Thanks,” was all the response I gave her.

“So this isn’t awkward at all,” she said sarcastically.

I had to give her credit, she was trying. I smiled over at her. “I’m sorry, I’m just not much for talking right now.”

“I figured as much, which is why this might be perfect timing for me to do some talking, if you’re willing to listen.”

Intrigued, I sat up a little straighter. “Okay.”

She started off by telling me about her mom, how she never was around, and how she made Bree feel like she didn’t want her. “It wasn’t like that all of the time though. We’d have moments where she’d come home with all the ingredients to bake cookies, and she wanted to spend time with me. Or we would camp out in the living room and watch cartoon after cartoon laughing. It was like she wanted to love me, she just didn’t know how. Paul, my dad, he didn’t realize she had been depressed when the courts gave her half custody. He’s told me, had he known, he would have never let me live there. Paul’s a good man. It’s where Camden gets it from. In fact that whole family is good people.”

“They’re your family too.” I pointed out the obvious.

“Yes, but as you grow older, you question things that were done to you, and how having a different life would have led you in a different direction. I don’t blame Paul or Donna for my childhood. They tried to get me to come live with them, but for some reason, I just couldn’t leave her. I’d become the parent, and she was the child I raised.”

Wow, didn’t I know that feeling? Sitting here next to her it felt like every word that was pouring out of her mouth were words that I was supposed to hear, to relate to. Our childhood stories alone were so similar you’d think we lived side by side in the same world. Except, I didn’t have a dad who wanted me. If I’d had one who was like Paul, I probably would have a lot more questions about my life and how different it could have been.

“Bree, I’m sorry for how I treated you, and the things that I said outside of the restaurant the other day. I had no idea who you were, and I’d kind of snapped. That’s never happened to me before,” I offered.

“It’s cool. He should have told you. I knew he was dating someone, though I didn’t know how serious you two were, but I should’ve known he would have kept it from you unless I gave him permission to tell you. See, that’s the thing about Camden, he’s loyal to a fault. He never spills secrets, even if it could ruin everyone else around him. I know that I have three other brothers who would drop everything for me if I asked, but Camden has always been the one who reaches out to me. He’s the one who acts more like the big brother versus the little brother. I rely on him too much, and I wished I wouldn’t have asked him to help me. It’s caused a shit storm of a mess, and I’m very sorry about that.”

I shook my head. “No, don’t blame yourself. He should have told me, just like he should have told me about a lot of things. But I guess you’re right about Camden being tight lipped about stuff. It’s just that it’s ‘mum’s the word’ with him all the time, and all I want is for him to feel comfortable enough to talk to me.”

She reached over and grabbed my hand. When I glanced up at her, I wanted to burst into tears. She looked so much like Camden, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. How did I not see it in the photo? Well, I guess if I wasn’t looking for it, how could I have?

“He does feel comfortable enough with you. He loves you Keegan.” I was about to argue, but she stopped me. “No, just listen to me. I’ve watched him grow up and date girls here and there. Do you know how many he’s ever brought home?”

“No.”

“Zero. Do you know how many he’s stuck with for as long as he’s been with you?”

“Huh-uh.”

“Zero. And do you know how many he’s told that he loves them?”

Tears sprung to my eyes and I said, “No.”

“None, Keegan. He’s never said it to another girl.”

“But he’s never said it to me either.”

“Do you think he even needs to? Camden sees something in you that is clearly special, and I see it too. You’re different than the other girls. He pushes and tests those that he lets in, because he wants to know that they will fight for him, like he will fight for them. Oh boy did you fight.” She laughed. “He needs someone like you who’ll give him a challenge. I knew that Camden was never going to settle for a girl who was shallow or vain. He likes other qualities…qualities that are real. Give him another chance, Keegan, he deserves one, and so do you.”

The corners of my eyes had crusted dry tears, and now they were wet again. “Thank you for talking to me. Your brother is pretty special to me, and I think you’re pretty great as well.” I paused. “Wait, what are you going to do, you know, about the whole baby thing?”

She exhaled loudly. “That’s the question of the year isn’t it? I think I’ll be heading back home to let the guy know and make a decision from there. I never thought I’d be in this position, but I am so I guess I better face the music.”

I squeezed her hand. “Good luck, Bree. I know you have other people to talk to, but I’m here if you need someone.”

“Thanks,” she said as she got up from the bed. Before she walked out the door she faced me. “Keep him on his toes slugger. He deserves you.” Then she walked out.

I’d kept my bags packed but didn’t leave. I went over and over in my head some things that Camden had said. He told me that I needed to get on board with him, that he was set in his ways. Camden had never done relationships, especially ones where his girlfriend was already living with him. At what point did I not cut the man some slack for that? It was a big adjustment for the both of us. At twenty-five years old, he’d been doing things on his own for quite some time, and now he was having to make adjustments to almost every part of his life for me to fit in. If he didn’t find me worth it, he wouldn’t have. In my heart I knew this, but waiting for my brain to catch up wasn’t so fun. My instincts were screaming at me to give him the chance that he deserved. If I walked out, that would have been it for us. I decided I was going to stay and fight for this, for us, because we deserved it. I loved him. Camden consumed me, and as scary as it was, it was still the best feeling I’d ever felt.

He had been gone for two days now. I’d texted Dodger after the first night to ask if he’d seen his brother, to which he responded that he was at his house, and he didn’t know how long he’d be there. I felt sick that Camden wanted to be away from me. If this was what it was going to be like not having him around, I didn’t like it at all. I was barely functioning as it was, but with each passing hour my heart was screaming at me to run to him. It was nearing midnight on night two when I’d passed out on the couch. I woke up to the sound of the lock clicking on the front door and the sight of a very disheveled looking Camden walking in. His hair was all over the place, his t-shirt was wrinkled, and if I had to guess, I’d say he had probably worn the same thing two days in a row. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He looked out over the living room as though he were searching for me. The moment our eyes met, it was like I could breathe again. Rising from the couch, I went to him. Without hesitation he opened his arms to me, and it was like he was welcoming me back home. I pressed my face into his hard chest and let him wrap his enormous arms around me like a present. His scent invaded my senses, and I did everything I could not to climb up his body and cling to him like a monkey. He buried his nose in my hair, and he fisted a handful of my hair. We stayed this way; not speaking, not moving, just simply being, for quite some time. It could have easily been thirty minutes that we held each other like that when I felt it was time for us to talk.

“Please don’t leave me,” I mumbled into his neck.

“Never,” he stated, squeezing me tighter.

“You were gone for a while. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come back, or if you wanted me to leave before you got back.”

“You’re ridiculous. I just needed to work some things out in my head, is all. This all just went south really quickly and before I got a chance to fix anything, something else happened.”

“And have you worked out the stuff in your head?”

“For the most part. Seeing you is making it better though. These last couple of days have been hard.”

“For the record, I don’t think I could ever walk away from you Camden. You’re sort of my person. I kind of like you.”

I heard him chuckle sleepily. “Good, cause I’m pretty sure I kind of like you too. But we do have a lot that we need to talk about Keegan.”

Loosening my hold on him, I said, “Come upstairs with me?”

He nodded, taking my hand and walking upstairs. In his bedroom, we both stripped down and climbed into his bed. Once we were settled, we were lying down facing each other, our feet tangled together, and our faces only inches apart.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, Camden. You didn’t deserve how I treated you, or not letting you explain yourself to me. I’ve not been very understanding lately, and I think I’ve been scared that you’d get too close and then realize that I wasn’t worth it.”

“That’s never going to happen. It wasn’t until I met you that I knew that something worth it even existed. I think you and I are just going to have to work on a learning curve. Because we already live together, we have to do things differently. I’d never change us or our situation, but we both are still making adjustments. As long as you know that I’m in this with you and I’m not leaving, everything will be fine. I told you, you’d be the girl that could ruin me, and I meant it.” He lifted one of my hands and placed it over his heart. “Do you feel this?”

“Yes.”

“It’s yours. It’s not beating for anyone else, just you. I love you too Keegan. I didn’t get the chance to say it back to you, because I think I was more shocked when those words left your beautiful lips than anything else. Never in my life did I think I’d find the girl who turns me upside-down and changes the way that I do things or how I think. Then in walked you, this blond-haired girl with the brightest blue eyes, and you’ve knocked me off my axis ever since. Our world spins a different way, and I like that.”

My heart stuttered in my chest. Bree was right. But didn’t I already know that? Camden Brooks just told me he loved me. Me. The girl who never dared to dream past getting a nursing degree and having a stable environment. I smiled the biggest smile I think my face had ever made, and he reciprocated. Somebody pinch me because I thought I was dreaming.

“No more not trusting, no more secrets, no more hiding. I promise to tell you everything, even the dirty ugly secrets about myself, but I want to know the same about you. To know everything there is to know about a person is a powerful thing.”

“Agreed.”

Sighing deeply I said, “I’m going to need your help with something.”

“Name it, you’ve got my undivided attention.”

“I need to go speak with my mom about Sarah, and I have a feeling it’s not going to be pretty. Come with me?”

He cupped my cheek while he held himself up with one arm. “Of course.”

My heart melted. “K. We’ll go tomorrow afternoon while Sarah is at a birthday party.”

“No problem, whenever.” He bit his lip, and I recognized that playful look in his eyes. “What sort of dark ugly secrets do you have? Share one right now. Aaaand go!”

I laughed. “Okay well, it’s not really a dirty secret, but I’m really strange about peanut M&M’s. I eat them in threes. One goes in each cheek to get warm and melted, while I suck on the third one to get the candy shell off. Then I just rotate them around as I eat them.”

“You are weird.” He poked me in the side, and I squirmed away.

“Stop it, I’m not that bad. What did you expect me to say, I like to chew my toenails off, and I keep them in a plastic baggy in my closet?”

His eyes got wide. “Shit, do you do that?”

“You don’t?”

He got quiet, and I busted out laughing. “Okay that’s a break-upable offense. Just saying. If your toenails have been in your mouth at any age past childhood, we’re going to have problems. I can’t kiss a girl who might have foot fungus on her tongue.”

I shoved his shoulder. “Shut up.”

He took hold of my wrist and pinned it above my head, causing him to lean over the top of me. The lightheartedness instantly heated up.

“You ever going to push me away again?”

“Probably, but it’s what I do.”

He gave me a half smirk. “Smart ass. Do you trust me?”

“Without a shadow of a doubt.” And I did.

He brought his lips to mine and kissed me reverently. I soaked it in like I was basking in the sun after a long harsh winter. He was my warmth, my comfort, my home. The way that he touched me while we took our time loving each other was a new experience. We weren’t just doing it out of greedy passion, it was because we’d moved to the next level together. I knew I’d love Camden until I no longer existed on this earth. No one would ever make me feel the way that he did.

I’d called my mom to let her know that we were coming to talk with her. She had agreed that some things needed to be resolved, so I was hoping that she had an open mind about all of this. When we pulled up, I took a moment to steel myself for whatever kind of shit storm I was about to walk in on. I figured Mom would be in a defensive mode, but that was okay, I was prepared to deal with it.

Camden got out of the car and came around to my side. Opening my door, I got out, and he placed both arms on either said of me, caging me in. “You good?”

I nodded my head.

“I’m telling you this right now, Keegan, if she so much as raises her voice at you, I’m going to step in and say something. No way will I be able to keep my mouth shut.”

Looking into his brown eyes, I could see he was serious. “Okay.”

“K.”

Dropping his arms we walked to the front door and I let us both in. It was weird that when I came back now, this house no longer felt like my home. It was just the place I used to live. Walking down the hallway I saw Mom sitting in the living room waiting for us.

“Hi Mom,” I said, walking to the couch to sit down and get comfortable.

She gave me a tight smile. “Keegan, Camden, I’m glad you both came. Would you like something to drink?”

Why was she being so formal? “No, I’m good Mom. I just want to talk and then we have some things to go do.” She tipped her chin down and waited. “Okay, so you already know how I feel about you leaving Sarah alone by herself, but I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you will be home with her when she’s here. She’s too young for you to leave her here so you can go to your boyfriend’s house.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Well, whatever. I don’t really know where you go, but it needs to stop. If you need to leave, at least call me to see what I’m doing. It’s likely that Sarah could come over and hang out at the apartment until you pick her up.”

Her lips thinned. “I thought that’s why you moved out. So you could get some space from us.”

My forehead wrinkled. “What? No! I left because I needed to separate myself from you, from this house, from everything. Being here was hindering my progress at school.”

“So you did want to get away from us.”

“No, not us mom, you.”

She gaped at me. Camden took hold of my hand and laced his fingers with mine. It was his silent way to let me know he was here.

“And what did I do that was so terrible that you felt the need to run away.”

I rolled my eyes and growled in frustration. “Are you even listening to me? Mom, I left because you were relying on me to be the parent. I was the one who made dinner every night, I was the one who made sure she did her homework, and I was the one who tucked her in at night. Where were you? Oh that’s right, you were having another late evening at work. It was too much for me. My schoolwork was suffering, and you knew how important this degree was to me. Sarah has a mother… it isn’t me. Be the parent.” Wow that felt good to say.

Sitting back she crossed her arms. “How come you are just now telling me this?”

“I’m not. I’ve told you plenty of times, you just never listened. But after this latest incident with Sarah running away, I’m done with it. Something needs to give here or I’m going to have to do something drastic.” I didn’t know what, but I figured I’d throw it out there.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“It’s simple.” I leaned forward and started ticking off my fingers one by one. “Be home when Sarah’s home. Make sure that she is ready for school the next day. Feed and clothe her. And let her know that you love her. Children aren’t complicated creatures Mom, if she knows that you love her and that you want to spend time with her, she will forgive you for everything that’s already happened. It’s just the kind of kid she is.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she closed her mouth. I hoped that I was getting through to her. She had to have known that this wasn’t acceptable behavior for a responsible parent. After some time she finally responded with, “Okay.”

Blowing out a breath I didn’t think that was what I expected to hear, but either way, I was good. “Also, I’m not telling you that you can’t go out, or that you don’t deserve to go out. But please, let me know. I’ll rearrange things in my schedule, and she can come over.”

“Okay.”

Feeling as though things needed to end here before something else came up and caused us to backpedal, I stood up and walked over to her. Bending down I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and hugged her as best I could. “I love you, Mom. I know that having kids changed your life, but we’re here.” I felt her nod against my hair, and I pulled back. She gave me a small smile, and I took that as my cue to leave. Looking at Camden he stood from the couch. When Mom followed us to the front door, my dark and broody man couldn’t help himself. He turned around and addressed my mother.

“Rowan, I know that you love your girls because well, who wouldn’t. But I’m going to tell you this once, and I hope you take it to heart. Keegan has given you simple guidelines to help keep her sister safe. If at any time you can’t stick to them, you should know that we will be coming to get Sarah, and she will be living with us from now on.”

Mom’s mouth dropped open. I think mine did too. He nodded his head at her before he put his hand on my lower back and led me out to the car. Oh Camden, you are full of surprises. But I couldn’t have been more in love with him for standing up for me, and the most important person in my life. Getting in the car I grinned at him.

“You are a ballsy son of a bitch, you know that right?”

“Yep.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Every word.” He gave me the weight of his russet eyes and winked at me before we pulled out of the driveway.

God he made me happy.


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