Текст книги "Naked"

Автор книги: Stacey Trombley

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

“Please let me go to the dance,” I say. “Let me…prove myself to you.”

The words nearly choke in my throat, but now I’m thinking of everything I sacrificed to leave and everything I sacrificed to come back. I’m thinking of the dance. I’m thinking of Jackson.

After a long moment, I guess finally satisfied that we’ve been reminded who’s in control here—who has the power—he holds out the dress.

I close myself in my room. I put the dress back in its garment bag and shove it far under my bed.

I should feel terrified after what just happened, but instead I feel a quiet confidence. Maybe I learned a thing or two while I was away. Maybe now I know enough to get what I want and keep my father happy.

I pull out the book I’m reading for English. Jen gave me another one once I told her I couldn’t do the first, and I’ve finally found a bit of a rhythm. This one’s pretty interesting, anyway. It’s called The Catcher in the Rye, and it’s nothing like the kind of books I would have thought they’d have us read.

I’ve found that reading’s not as bad as I thought. At least it gets me out of my own head for a while. I probably should have done more of it in New York.

But not long after I pull out the book, something distracts me. There’s a strange tapping on my window. My heart pounds in my chest as I remember the last time.

Nothing happened then, but I do sort of wish I had Zara with me now. I take a deep breath and tiptoe to the window and peer out. A happy face peers back at me.

I blink and then slide open the window. “What the hell are you doing here, Jackson?”

His eyes are bright and alive, and I realize I’m very happy to see him. “I want to show you something,” he says.

“Normal people come to the door, you know?”

He shrugs. “You told me your parents were strict—figured this was the safe way.”

I shake my head. He’s crazy. And sneaking around my parents with a boy, even a boy as innocent as Jackson, probably isn’t the best idea in the world. Especially after what happened at dinner.

I narrow my eyes. “Is it important?”

He nods eagerly, and I sigh. Good thing I didn’t change out of my school clothes yet. Besides, the chances of my parents coming to my room are nonexistent. After that big speech, my dad will want to bask in his own glory while he gives me time to think over his “lesson.”

I grab a pair of tennis shoes from my closet, flick off the light so my parents think I’m sleeping, and climb out the window.

“Okay, what’s so important?”

He grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine, which makes my heart patter in a completely idiotic way. And then he runs, pulling me with him. I notice he’s wearing a backpack.

We run down the street and behind one of the houses, back to the field with the honeysuckles and my mini Central Park.

Then we stop.

The sky is a dark blue, but there’s still a little bit of light peeking out over the horizon. The field is right in front of us, with the little specks of lights flickering in the darkness.

“Fireflies,” I say.

Jackson turns to me, his eyes bright. “You are human!” he says with a sly smile that makes my stomach tumble. At least my cheeks don’t get hot. I do have some composure. “But they’re actually called lightning bugs.”

“What? You made that up.”

“Did not!”

I laugh, and we both grow quiet and watch the little specks of light in the dark field.

“My family used to go camping in the summer when I was little,” I say. “My mom and I caught fireflies together. But we haven’t done it since I was eight or so.”

“What happened after that?”

“I don’t know. My dad started working more, we stopped talking to our cousins and even my grandparents for some reason, and my parents got stricter and stricter.”

I shrug, wondering if that was actually the beginning of the end of my parents’ relationship, and I just hadn’t seen it. The same way they didn’t see the way those changes affected me. “That’s around the time that everything changed for me because they wouldn’t let me out to play with kids my age, and they stopped playing with me, too.” I’m telling him more than I’m supposed to.

“Loneliness sucks.”

I nod.

He takes off his backpack and pulls out a jar. “Maybe we can make her a present.”

“My mom? You don’t think she’ll say they’re too…you know…childish?”

He takes my hand. “Maybe. But maybe she needs to remember what it was like when things were good.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just some things you’ve said… It sounds like you guys haven’t been happy in a long time.”

He’s right. It’s been a long time since we were happy. Not just me. My mom. My dad.

Then he tugs on my hand and brings me into the field, thankfully saving me from having to confirm or deny anything.

I wonder why they’re even still here, the fireflies. It’s September; aren’t they usually gone by now? There aren’t as many as there are in the spring and summer, but there’s enough for me to catch about ten in Jackson’s jar. When we’re finished, he pokes tiny holes in the lid of the jar and hands it to me.

We walk back to where he left his backpack, and I set my jar down.

“Is the night over?” he asks, his eyes alight with something else. Something very unchildish, and it kind of scares me.

My whole body feels alive. At his look, heat rises into my cheeks. Thankfully, it’s too dark for him to see. I don’t know what Jackson and I are, but I do know that I don’t want to go home. Not yet.

“I’m not ready to leave if you’re not.”

His smile lights me up from the inside. He rummages in his backpack again and pulls out an iPod and little speakers.

“Some music?” he asks.

I nod. Is this how real dates happen? I’ve seen movies about these things, but it’s safe to say I’ve never had anything close to a real date before.

He places the speakers down and lets the music play softly, enough for us to hear but not enough to bother the neighbors.

I don’t know any of the songs, but they’re kind of nice with their upbeat melody and acoustic guitars. Bugs chirp in the nearby woods, the tones mingling with our songs playing on his little speakers. We sit there in the field, just listening and watching the sky change.

But when a slow song comes on, Jackson stands and asks me if I want to dance.

“Seriously?”

“It’ll be like practice for homecoming.”

I raise my eyebrows. I hadn’t really thought about the dancing part of homecoming. Maybe dancing here, with him, is a good idea, because no one else will be around to see me look like an idiot. It’s just practice; at least, that’s what I tell myself.

I get up but then just stand there awkwardly.

He wraps his arms around my waist, and I place mine over his shoulders. I’m not sure if that’s right, but it feels right. He doesn’t say anything, so I guess it’s not completely wrong. We sway to the music. We’re close, closer now than we’ve ever been before, and my heart pounds.

It’s weird to like him. It’s strange how good it feels when his hand gently touches my arm and sends a shiver all the way down my body.

This feels different. So different from all the other times I’ve been with boys.

I look into his hazel eyes, clear like crystal. They’re actually a little like Luis’s, only lighter…and kinder. Much kinder. Luis always looked at me in pieces—my boobs, my butt, my belly. It made me feel sexy at first, until I started to wonder if he only really saw me as a combination of sexy parts rather than a person. Jackson looks at me in a way I’ve never seen from him. Not from anyone. The looks that I’ve always loved getting from Jackson are still there, just different. More intense.

He’s not looking at me as a way to get something he wants. That’s what I’m used to, but he isn’t like those other guys. I can feel it in his every movement. He wants me, but not like he wants to use me. It’s like he wants to keep me.

Heat rushes to my face, and even though he’s close enough now to see, I don’t turn away. I want to soak up that look, remember it for the next time I feel myself slipping into the darkness of my past. I’ll close my eyes and remember this. Remember Jackson.

He leans in closer and pulls me against him. The pressure of his body against mine awakens the memories of everyone who’s ever done this to me before, whether I wanted them to or not. But one look at his face and those memories feel too far away to matter.

My stomach tumbles again; my heart pounds. I find myself wanting him to be even closer. I lean in, too, and I rub my thumb along the top of his neck, the feel of his skin there.

He presses his cheek to mine, his lips brush my ear, and he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.”

And now I’m lost. In this world of lights and music, everything else disappears.

My past, my future, all that matters is me and this sweet boy who thinks I’m beautiful.

We’re alone in the middle of a suburban neighborhood, dancing like complete fools, but this feels so right.

It feels right in a way it never did with Luis, because with him, it was always about what he wanted. When what he wanted was me, times were good. But once he started wanting to pay the electric bill, buy a new television, get some new clothes, and wanted me to start working to afford those things…that’s when things started to change.

Now, it’s more. It’s about what I want. And I want Jackson.

It’s about us. What we want. Each other.

My heart pounds. I close my eyes when I feel Jackson’s fingers touch my ear and push a strand of hair away from my face. His hand lingers there, touching softly.

I pull away only enough to look at him. His eyes search my face.

I’m scared.

I’m scared of what I’m feeling, scared of what it means. Scared of knowing that I can never really be with him, so how can I want to now?

Scared of changing my mind and being trapped.

But as I look into his eyes, I know he’s not like Luis. He’s not like the older guys I dated before I left for New York. I know he’s not like the man who raped me, or the dirty johns who only saw me as a pretty face and body they could buy.

I can trust him.

So when the song changes, we don’t move, don’t change our tempo or care that people might be watching us through the windows of their picket-fenced homes.

And then he does it.

He leans in. When he’s close, my lips buzzing with anticipation, I lean into him. I can’t stop myself. His hand comes up into my hair and gently pulls my face forward until his lips touch mine.

I don’t pull away. I don’t run.

This kiss is like nothing I’ve felt before. It’s so simple and soft, but so very intimate.

My skin simmers. My heart floats.

His warmth spreads through me like a gift. Like he’s giving me a piece of himself.

He pulls back for a moment and whispers, “Is this okay?”

I slowly nod, and he comes back in. When he opens his mouth, I’m delighted to find he tastes just like I expected. Fruit and brown sugar.

Then he releases me and backs away.

I don’t want him to stop, but I’m too scared to pull him back in. Instead I look at him, hoping he can read my desire.

I feel silly, like this was my first kiss. How stupid is that? The whore is embarrassed to be kissed.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and I blink.

He takes a step away, and now I’m confused. He’s almost out of my reach, but I manage to grab his hand and stop him. He turns back to me.

“If…” I start to say, but I don’t know what he needs to hear. “Why did you…” I begin, but that sounds just as lame.

He stands there, looking at me. “I don’t know why. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” He runs his hand through his hair. “That was dumb, I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t mean why did you kiss me. I mean, why were you walking away? Why did you—”

“So you don’t mind?” His eyes hopeful but scared. It makes my stomach flutter a little. Maybe I should mind, I don’t know. But I don’t.

“I didn’t mind,” I say softly. And then I remember what happened with his last girlfriend, so I tell him, “And I’m okay if you want to stop.”

A look of relief comes over him, so intense that I realize I probably wasn’t the only one nervous about tonight.

If my face wasn’t already red, I’m sure I’d be blushing. He licks his lips a little, like he wants to kiss me again. I guess he and I are like each other at least in this way. A little freedom is all we ever wanted to feel okay.

I want more of his mouth. I press my lips to his again, mostly because I’m not sure I could resist if I wanted to.

When we’re out of breath and finally pull away from each other, I don’t know what else to do. What’s the next step when the guy’s okay drawing the line at just kissing? So I sit in the grass and lie back. The stars are pretty bright now. The sun’s light completely lost to the other side of the world.

Jackson lies beside me.

“What about you, Jackson?” I whisper.

“What about me?”

“I’ve told you lots about me, but you’ve told me nothing about you. What are your deep dark issues? I mean, if you have any. You seem pretty perfect to me.”

“Perfect? Seriously?”

I nod and feel a blush inching across my cheeks again. I’m not sure he sees me, though. I’m still staring up at the stars as they slowly grow brighter.

“I’m definitely not perfect,” he says.

I don’t speak, waiting for him to tell me something, anything.

“What do you want to know?”

I stop to think. “You used to date that Liz girl, right?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, and for the first time, I wonder if he still loves her. If he’s still upset about what happened between them. “That was a long time ago, though.”

“Did you…love her?”

His head whips to me, and I look back at him. He’s silent for a long time. What’s he thinking?

“Maybe,” he says finally. “But I was only fourteen. I don’t think I really knew what love was then.”

“Fourteen isn’t that young,” I say, thinking about how young I was when I met Luis. “Will you tell me what happened?”

He takes in a deep breath. “We dated in middle school and most of ninth grade. She was my best friend. But then things changed. She changed. She started lying to me about things and then eventually…she dumped me for some jock guy and became…well, not a very nice person.”

“Why did she change, do you think?” I realize I’m pushing him in exactly the way I wouldn’t want someone to push me, but I want to know more about him. This is making me hate those popular girls even more, to know how one of them hurt Jackson, but it makes me feel a little better, like I’m not the only one with a past we’d like to forget.

He shrugs. “She never told me this, but the rumor is that she slept with some guy at a party a few months before we broke up. It would make sense, because it was around the time things started changing.”

“What a bitch,” I say, but I didn’t mean to say it out loud. “Sorry,” I whisper.

Jackson laughs, a bitter laugh, one I haven’t heard from him before. “People make mistakes, I guess. I just wish she’d told me. Even if it would never make things better… I just wish she’d respected me enough to tell me the truth.”

I nod.

“I guess that’s one of my issues,” he says.

“What?”

“Liars. I hate liars.”

My stomach drops.

Shit.

Why does it feel like he just told me he hates me?

He doesn’t realize he’s confirming everything I’ve worried about. Everything I’ve feared.

He’ll never forgive me if he learns the truth.

“My mom lied to my dad for years about drugs and it destroyed her. Liz lied to me about whatever happened at the party. It destroyed me. If they’d just told me. If they’d just been honest…”

“Your mom was into drugs?” I ask, realizing I’m changing the subject, but I’m too shocked not to ask. He mentioned his mom had passed away, but drugs? Drugs don’t seem like they fit into this world. They’re for people lost in the gutters of New York, for the johns and the hookers with no hope left. The people with nothing else to live for.

“It’s not something we talk about much, but yeah. She overdosed when I was twelve.”

“So that’s how she died?”

“Yeah,” he whispers, barely audible.

“Wow… I mean, I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect that. I… I’ve known some people who were into drugs. It’s horrible.”

“Really?” he whispers. “Who?”

“Oh, um, people in New York. It’s just hard, because they don’t realize how messed up they can get. The only thing that matters is the drug, and there isn’t anything you can do to change that.”

When he speaks, he sounds like his mind is a million miles away. “I always felt like there was something more I could have done… If only she had told us. If I’d been able to see what she was really hiding from us…”

I nod and try to hide my horror. I’m way more than just shocked at what Jackson told me about his past… I’m terrified, because tonight things changed between us. It showed me how good things could be.

And then he told me he hates lies. No, more than that…

He hates liars.

I’ve lied to him. If he found out the truth, it would be worse than him seeing me as a whore…he’d hate me. Because I didn’t tell him the truth from the start.

I squeeze my eyes closed and hope he doesn’t notice.

Shit. How long can I keep this from him?

Chapter Twenty-Six

I crawl back through my window and stand there, staring at my bedroom in the dark. Everything feels so quiet. So empty.

Tonight was incredible. Every time I’m with Jackson, things feel so right. Like I belong.

Except that I don’t belong.

That’s my biggest lie. That I could belong here. Belong with someone like Jackson.

I’m a liar. I don’t deserve this, any of it. One day soon it’s going to bite me in the ass and I’m going to lose it all. I know it. I can feel it.

The truth sits there in the shadows, watching, waiting for the right time to strike. Waiting for the moment I feel the safest, so it can take away everything I love.

My house of cards is going to crumble very, very soon.

I know I can’t sleep here, not tonight, not with those thoughts floating around in my mind, so I head to the backyard, to the one person I know I won’t lose.

I don’t know if Zara loves me, but I don’t need love. I just need someone who won’t hate me for who I am.

So I sneak out the back door through the kitchen and into the backyard. It’s so dark, the only thing breaking the silence are the bugs chirping in the darkness.

Zara’s already watching me, bright-eyed, and I walk to her quickly. She climbs out of her doghouse and wags her tail in greeting.

“Hey girl,” I whisper, and lean down to pet her. She licks my face, and I immediately feel better. I know I’ll lose Jackson someday, but I won’t lose Zara. Not to hate, anyway. I sit down, and she lies beside me. I lean over and lay my head on her back. Her long black hair tickles my ear.

This must be what unconditional love feels like. I wish I’d known that feeling before. I wish my parents had told me they’d love me no matter what.

Maybe I’d have come home sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have run away in the first place.

I wish Luis could have loved me without the money I brought him.

I wish any single one of my boyfriends before I left home would have loved me without the sex.

They all used me, every single one.

I was a hooker before I had a name for it. But I was just a child. I guess that’s the thing I never really let myself understand. Those boys took my innocence when I was just a child. Even my first days with Luis…I was too young for all of that. Too young to understand, to say no when I needed to. Too pathetic, too naive, to really understand.

I learned the hard way.

I feel my mask slipping, old Anna drifting to the surface.

Marissa and her boyfriend see through me; they see the truth. Whoever’s leaving notes in my locker knows the truth.

Maybe I should beg my parents to take me out of school. I tried and it worked for a while, but I can’t bear to watch it all crumble at my feet. If it falls, I fall with it. But then what would I do? Stay home with my parents?

Not go to the dance?

I came back to school sure it wouldn’t work. And even though it feels now like it might crumble at any moment, I have to give it a chance.

I just wish I knew how this was going to all turn out.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I wake to my mother pounding on the door. “Anna!” she yells.

“What?” I groan.

The door opens. “You’re late, you—” She freezes, her eyes stopping on the dog my arms are wrapped around. She doesn’t speak, just stares at us.

I sit up. “I’ll put her back outside,” I say.

She still doesn’t speak, just lets me pass. Zara doesn’t follow at first. She’s staring back at my mother. Guess I don’t blame her. Zara’s used to Mom or Dad punishing her.

“Come on, girl,” I say, and Zara hops from the bed and follows me out, head low as she passes my mother. I put her outside.

My mother is waiting for me in the kitchen when I come back in.

“Anna, I’ve told you before, that dog isn’t safe.”

“Mom, I’m not going to fight about this. I need her.”

She blinks but says nothing else until I head back to my room to get ready for school. “I’m going to call Sarah.”

I shrug. “Do whatever you want.” I’m really not in the mood for this. Really, really not in the mood. Besides, I have a feeling Sarah will be on my side for this one.

I don’t have time for a shower this morning, but I decide that’s okay, because I still smell like Jackson. And even though I’m terrified of what will happen when he finds out the truth, he still makes me feel good.

Even without the shower, I’m about five minutes too late to make it to the bus stop, so my mom has to take me to school. When I come into the kitchen to let her know, she’s hanging up the phone.

“Did you talk to Sarah?” I ask.

She nods. “She thinks it’s okay. The dog. Just be careful, okay? She’s nearly bitten a lot of people.”

“Okay.”

Zara wouldn’t bite me, but I guess it’s always possible, so I won’t say that. Truth is, the risk is worth what she gives me. Comfort in a world of torturous and constant uncertainty.

Mom drops me off in front of the school. I watch the hundreds of kids file into the big brick building. Maybe I should have stayed home today. I’m so not in the mood for this.

When I don’t get out of the car right away, my mom asks. “Are you okay, Anna?” She nods to the school. “Here, I mean. Or even just in general.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Sometimes.”

She clears her throat a little, and I wonder if she’s holding back tears. “This morning, it seemed like maybe something was wrong.”

I don’t say anything.

“Was it what I said about Zara? It’s not that I don’t want her in your room. But if your dad finds out…”

Still nothing.

So she looks at me, like she’s trying to see through my silent disguise. She can’t see through it. No one can. But still, something seems to occur to her.

“Is it something else? If you want to talk…” she whispers.

I think of telling her about the notes. The ridiculous students who won’t leave me alone.

I think of telling her about Jackson. Why going to homecoming with him is the best and the worst thing that could ever happen.

I think of telling her how exhausting it is to keep up this constant disguise, like the old Anna isn’t still a part of me.

I know I should, but my mouth won’t open.

My hands shake as I pop open the car door.

“Thanks, Mom.”

I’ll figure it out on my own, find a way to survive no matter what happens. I always have.

I take a deep breath and walk into the school.

I open my locker and cringe at the folded piece of paper sitting there waiting for me. This is starting to piss me off.

I know the truth. See you soon, Exquisite.

Fuck. Another note?

This is not olay.

Who would do this? Is it possible one of these high school boys went to New York and slept with me once? No, I’d remember a boy that young.

Not knowing is the worst. If I just knew, I could deal with it.

I’m still looking at the note when someone taps me on the shoulder.

I jump and turn to see Jackson smiling at me. Shit. I crumple the note and throw it back in my locker.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.” I fake a smile.

“You okay?” he asks.

I press my eyes shut. I can’t hide this from him, not really. He’ll know something’s up.

“Not really. Someone’s been leaving notes in my locker.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Like love notes or something?”

I can’t help but laugh. “Jealous?” His cheeks turn red, and he looks to the ground. This boy really knows how to make me melt from the inside out. “No. Definitely not love notes. More like hate notes.”

“Oh. I used to get those.”

“Really?”

He nods. “Marissa and Elizabeth like to get under people’s skin however they can. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

I’d believe him if only the note hadn’t called me Exquisite. Though Marissa and her douche bag boyfriend did imply they knew more about me than everyone else.

“Anna?” Jackson says.

I look up, realizing that I’d completely zoned out there for a minute.

“I missed you on the bus,” he says. “You weren’t…avoiding me or anything, right?”

“What? No! I just woke up late. Mom drove me.”

He nods but doesn’t look completely convinced. “You sure you’re okay with last night?”

I grab his hand and intertwine my fingers in his the way he did last night, and his shoulders relax.

“It was perfect.”

You know, other than the “you hate me but don’t know it yet” thing. I can forget that for a little while, though.

And right now I really want to forget everything. Everything but the way Jackson makes me feel.

He bites his lip for a second and looks me in the eye. I think he wants to kiss me again, and honestly, there’s nothing I want more, so I take a step toward him. He leans down slowly, and when his lips press against mine, the rest of the world disappears. I’m just Anna, and he’s just Jackson. There is literally nowhere else I’d rather be.

Even though when we part, I notice that everyone within twenty feet has stopped to stare at us, I’ve never felt lighter. The light in his eyes melts me to the bone. This is exactly what I needed.

I forget about the note until fourth period, when I notice my phone has three missed calls from Sarah. Before lunch I go out into the courtyard to call her. I’d hate for her to get worried and call the police or something.

“Anna! Thank goodness. You wouldn’t answer my calls. I was worried.”

“Sorry, I’m at school. Couldn’t really pick up the phone.”

“What’s wrong? Why did you call? Was it about the dog again?”

My stomach sinks. I can’t tell Mom about the notes. They’d just make her worry for no reason. But Sarah’s kind of like my therapist. Impartial yet supportive, no matter what, because that’s her job.

“No,” I say. “Not about the dog. I just… Well, someone’s been leaving these weird notes in my locker, like threatening to expose all my secrets or something, and it was bothering me. But my friend Jackson told me he used to get them, too, so I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Have you told the office about it?”

“No.”

“You should. They might not be able to do anything right now, but it’s best if they know it’s happening.”

“Okay.”

“What about your parents? Have you told them?”

My breath catches in my chest. No. No I haven’t told them. Is she nuts? How would that help anything?

“No,” I say. “It’s no big deal. I don’t want them to worry over nothing.”

“All right. Is everything else okay? I heard you’re going to homecoming?”

“And decorating for it.”

“That’s great!”

I look over and see Jackson standing by the door, waiting for me.

“Hey, I’ve got to go.”

“Okay. It was good to hear from you, Anna. If you have any more problems call me right away.”

“’Kay.” I hang up the phone.

Jackson steps outside and waves me forward. When I reach Jackson, I hold up the phone. “My mom. I told her about the notes, and she’s, like, freaking out.”

More lies. My stomach twists, but I can’t really explain about Sarah without making things that much more complicated.

He laughs. “Parents,” he says with a shake of his head.

Lunch is fairly uneventful. Jackson and I don’t kiss or hold hands, but things feel different. We hear a few whispered comments about us, and that honestly just makes me happy.

One, I don’t mind people talking about us being together. I want to be with him, and I’m proud of it. And two, they’re not talking about who I really am. One person calls me a slut—if they only knew—but whatever.

This new drama about Jackson and me is perfect for getting people to stop digging into my past. Who cares about who you used to be when the person you already are is so much more interesting?

Jen doesn’t say anything about “us,” but Alex keeps looking back and forth between us.

I ignore it at first, but eventually I’m fed up. “Alex! If you want to know, just ask.”

She smirks. “It doesn’t matter. Just curious.”

“Curious?” Jackson asks. Is he really that oblivious or does he ignore it on purpose?

“You two really together?”

I look to Jackson, then to Alex, and I shrug, but a shy smile spreads across my face.

Jackson is smiling, too. “We’re still figuring that out.”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Well, figure it out quick.”

“Whatever. Mind your own business,” I say, and she laughs.

The bell rings, and the four of us walk into the lobby, where I see a group of kids staring at us. Marissa and Elizabeth included.

Awesome.

“First girl you date after me, and it’s the whore. How much did you pay her?” Elizabeth says. Well, isn’t that just great. She sure seems like a keeper.

Jackson stops but says nothing. Their laughter fills the room.

I pull Jackson away from them. I’m not sure how much it bothers him, if he’s embarrassed, or if he’s still hurt by her. They dated longer than they’ve been broken up. Maybe he’s still sad, or something. I don’t know.

“You okay?” I ask him once we’re free of the stares and laughter.

“Fine.”

“I’m sure they’re just jealous,” I say. “Especially Elizabeth.”

“Anna.” He puts on his own version of a fake smile. “I said I’m fine.”

I nod, but I’m not sure I believe him. Maybe he’s hung up on her still. Maybe he’s thinking about what happened between us and wishing it had happened with her. Maybe he’s comparing us.

I have to get a grip. Why would I be jealous of her? She hurt him.

Me? I’d never do anything like that. I care too much about him to ever hurt him.

Even if that means keeping him from ever finding out the truth.