Текст книги "Wet"
Автор книги: Ruth Clampett
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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Chapter Twenty
FACE TO FACE
“You smell like sex.”
I’m pulled out of the depths of sleep and I blink several times.
“What?” I ask as I rub my eyes.
She trails kisses across my chest and give me a lazy smile. “You smell like sex.”
I chuckle. “Well, it’s no wonder.” I lean into her. “You do too.”
Grinning, she eases her folded leg over my thigh. “I know. Isn’t it glorious? The best smell ever!”
“Well, it’s distinct.” I blink again, noticing how dim the light is in the room. “What time is it anyway?”
“Five-thirty.”
“In the morning?”
“Yes, you’ve been sleeping like a bear. It’s no wonder you have no sense of the time.”
“Haven’t you been sleeping?”
“Not a wink. I’m too excited!”
“What about?”
“Sex!”
This woman.
I bite back my smile. “What about sex?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Now that I’ve got the best lover of my life, I’m imagining all the sex ahead of us. I was making a list in my mind of all the things I want to try. As a matter of fact, there’s a sex show coming up at the Convention Center and I thought we could go and see all the latest stuff.”
Stuff?
“Oh really?”
She nods with a sincere look. “Yeah, that’s where Stella got the crotchless sex swing. They had the part where it hooks up installed over their mattress in their bedroom.”
What the hell?
“Stella has a crotchless swing over their bed? I wonder if it’s got that sparkly shit on it?”
She laughs. “Ha! Probably.”
I point up to her light fixture. “Wouldn’t hanging a swing over your bed conflict with your heavy-ass Venetian light fixture?”
She taps her fingers on her chin. “Good point. Well, we could hang it in the guestroom.”
I’m tempted to ask her how it works but I don’t want to give her a false sense of encouragement. I may be a beast in bed but I don’t do crotchless swings.
She runs her hand down my thigh. “Speaking of crotchless, do you have any chaps?”
I’m starting to get concerned. Why is everything starting to sound like a bad theatrical production?
“Leather chaps?” I ask to check her level of sincerity.
She nods.
“No, my leather chaps got messed up when I tried washing them. All the fringe started coming off.”
She purses her lips. “Hey, are you making fun of me?”
“Maybe just a little bit.”
She play pouts, pulling the sheet up to cover herself, and folds her arms over her chest.
“I don’t like it when you make fun of me . . . especially when I’m so excited about something.”
I lift up on my elbow and gaze down at her. “Aww, don’t be mad at me, Elle. The chaps thing just took me by surprise.”
All of this reminds me of when she wanted me to dress up as a construction worker. “Hey, have you read any cowboy erotica?”
She nods. “Montana Bound is one of my favorite BDSM series.”
I purse my lips together. “I see. And the cowboy . . .”
“Rusty,” she fills in.
“Rusty wore chaps?”
“He wore them a lot, although it was only in the bedroom where he wore them without jeans underneath.”
“Right, right. That’s where the crotchless part comes in.” I purse my lips together and try to imagine how such a scene would play out. “I have cowboy boots,” I offer.
She smiles. “Well, that’s a start.”
I run my hand over her shoulder and down her arm. “I’m not really a dress– up kind of guy. Other than appreciating a woman in beautiful lingerie, I really prefer naked sex without a lot of gadgets.”
“You don’t think that’s boring?”
I push back from her, my eyes wide with surprise. “Boring? Were you bored earlier?”
“You know I wasn’t. I’ve never been more excited.”
“Me neither. Just remembering it is getting me excited again.”
She takes her hand and slides it down until I feel her fingers wrap around me. My cock pulses in response and she moans.
I press my lips against her cheek. “You turn me on so much.” I ease her sheet down to her waist, kissing her across her shoulder and up her neck as my hand cups her breast.
She runs her fingers up and down my cock. “You have no idea what hearing that does to me.”
“And we don’t need a swing, baby.” “Yeah?”
“All I need is you.”
As we lie together we touch each other slowly in the quiet light of dawn. I gently brush her hair to the side so I can caress her cheek. When our lips meet and we kiss it feels different, like we’re even more connected. Not that I’m surprised, but it means a lot that I’m sensing it so strongly from her.
It’s time. I’ve got to tell her.
Taking a deep breath, I pull back so we’re lying side-by-side facing each other. I look into her eyes and take her hand.
“What?” she asks, squeezing my hand gently.
I take a second, hoping to calm my nerves. “I just thought you should know . . . I mean, I’ve wanted to tell you . . . but I guess I was worried you’d freak out . . . so please don’t freak out . . .”
She claps her hand over her mouth and there’s panic in her eyes. “Oh God, what is it? Are you moving away?”
“What? No!”
“Do you have some rare incurable disease?”
“Hey, hey, hey . . .” I say gripping her arm. “It’s nothing bad. Why did you assume it was?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because you’re stuttering and you look like you’re either going to throw up or cry.”
I laugh, and then laugh harder until I roll over and hold my stomach. I’m so fucking smooth. For the first time I’m going to tell a girl that I love her and she thinks I’m going to throw up instead.
“Why are you laughing at me?” she asks with a frown. “Now I’m getting annoyed.”
“No, don’t get annoyed. I’m laughing at myself, not you, and I’m an idiot.” I roll back on my side to face her.
“So what’s going on?”
“It’s just that—”
“Stop,” she says placing her hands on either side of my face. “It’s me. Elle. Just tell me.”
“I love you,” I blurt out.
She looks at me kind-of stunned. Maybe she isn’t clear on this yet.
I shake my head in frustration. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you—that kind of love. You know, the deep kind of love that people write songs about.” I place my hand on my chest.
She gets quiet and glances down. “Oh, I see. You’re in love with me.”
My stomach twists up as I wait for her to look back up. “Is that a bad thing?”
She narrows her eyes as she studies me. “Is this a new thing? I mean, did you just figure it out and now think it will mess everything up or something?”
I swallow hard. I have to be honest. “No, I’ve known for a pretty long time.”
“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“Well, I was going to tell you, but when we found out you were pregnant it wasn’t the right time. I guess after that we had to find our footing again with so much changing. I was waiting for the right moment.”
“I see.”
“I’m starting to realize that maybe this wasn’t the right moment.”
She gives me a little smile and inches closer to me. “Maybe it was exactly the right moment.”
She silently stares at me for a long time, or at least it feels that way. Then I notice there are tears starting to stream down her face.
I reach over to brush one away. “What is it, Elle?”
“I’m in love with you, too,” she whispers.
“Are you crying because that’s a bad thing?”
She sniffles. “No, it’s because I never thought that someone would love me again, especially the way you do.”
“Oh, baby,” I whisper as I pull her into my arms. “You’re amazing. How could I not fall in love with you?”
She answers with a kiss that shows me she loves me even if she hadn’t said the words.
I answer back by easing on top of her so I can feel her underneath me when I return the kiss, and I make sure it’s one she’ll remember.
“So this is a good thing,” I say when our lips part.
“Definitely.”
“And is this a good thing?” I kiss her again and adjust my body between her legs as she slowly eases them apart. My cock seems to slide into her of its own free will, like it knows where it should be. Maybe I gave it a little help, and she did too, but still it was cool it felt so natural.
“Such a good thing,” she whispers. She has a vulnerable look in her eyes and I see that the tears haven’t stopped. I kiss them away and then move to her lips where the kisses continue as I slowly make love to my Elle.
I think this kind of lovemaking is new for both of us—there’s nothing hard about it yet the passion is even more intense without being wild. It’s as if our bodies are confirming the thoughts we shared. I’m acutely aware of the way she’s touching me, like I’m a treasure she’s unwrapped.
All of it is such a turn-on, and I’m stunned to realize that I’m close to coming and we never put on a condom. I lift up on my arms and she looks down to where I’m sliding in and out of her, and she gasps. She circles the base of my cock with her fingers and then strokes herself.
“Oh, Paul, I’m so close,” she says with wide eyes.
I swallow thickly. “Me too, baby, but we don’t have a condom on.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t worry. My doctor put me on the pill.”
“So we’re okay?”
She nods and continues to stroke herself. The flush is running down from her cheeks, along her neck and over her chest.
She nods and bites her lip as the intensity builds, drawing each other to our edge. I’m so deep inside of her.
“Oh my God, Paul,” she cries.
I can feel everything; it’s powerful, not just her starting to come but how this is more. This is love.
I don’t speed up, so as I come inside of her every sensation is amplified. It’s crazy intense, and for a second I wonder if my heart has stopped, but then I realize that it’s wildly beating.
When our gazes meet, I sense that she realizes everything between us has shifted. I understand now why this love thing is such a big deal. It’s an opening of your heart, and you have to be brave because it’s magnificent but terrifying, too.
The only thing I know for sure is that from this moment on nothing will ever be the same.
Chapter Twenty-One
THE BALANCING ACT
We fall asleep and when we wake up I realize that we’re not just stuck to the sheets, but to each other. As I try to peel myself off of her, I laugh and she opens her eyes.
“Where you going?”
I flop back down. “I had this idea that I’d go find some food in your kitchen, but I can’t be bothered.”
“You hungry?”
I nod and rub my hands over my face and through my hair. “Yeah. I should probably take a shower too but I don’t have any clean clothes with me. I’m going to have to leave some in your closet so I’m prepared after our next marathon. I’ll be one of those guys who brings over a few things at a time and suddenly I’m living here.”
She tips her head as she looks at me. She suddenly feels far away.
What’s that about?
“Hey, you’ll come to dinner at the folks this Thursday, right?”
She glances over at the clock. “I think I can come. Let me check my schedule.”
She has to check her schedule?
She smooths the sheets over her legs. “Do your parents know?”
“Know what?”
She waves her hand back and forth between us. “You know . . .”
“That I’m in love with you?”
She nods.
“Yes, they do. I’ve got to warn you, now that we’re together Ma is really going to amp up the marriage thing.”
There’s that faraway look again.
“Oh.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed. Like everything is moving so fast. You know I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship.”
I feel like she just kicked me in the gut, and I reel back. “Are you saying that hasn’t changed?”
“Not exactly. I love you, truly I do, and the sex . . . well, it’s phenomenal. But that doesn’t mean I want to suddenly set up house and be a full-on couple.”
The blood in my veins goes cold. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know . . .”
“I think you do.”
Looking up at me, her expression is hopeful as she bites her thumbnail. “I was thinking we can be like we’ve always been, but with sex.”
“So friends with benefits?” I grit my teeth.
She smiles like I’m going along with it. “Yeah, like that.”
“I see,” I say as I step out of bed. My stomach is churning and I’m sure as hell not hungry anymore. My instinct to flee that developed during my player days kicks in. It used to be when the girl got clingy after sex I’d get moving. The weird thing now is that the roles are kind of reversed, which actually makes me feel even more uncomfortable.
Searching for my clothes, I find them crumpled up on the floor. I pull on my boxers and shake out the slacks before pulling them on.
“What are you doing?” she asks, with a bewildered look.
“I think I’m going to get going. I really need a shower and clean clothes.”
“You could shower here. We could take one together. I’ve always wanted to try shower sex.”
Wow. It’s all about the sex. For a brief moment I regret sleeping with her, but then I remember how awesome it was and I get over it.
“I’ll take a rain check,” I say as I button up my shirt.
She gets out of bed, grabs her robe from the closet, and pulls it on.
As she ties her robe shut she looks up at me. “You know, I’m still a little foggy from all the sex and no sleep but can you tell me what’s going on—why you’re upset and rushing out of here? Can we talk this out?”
“I’m just tired,” I lie.
She arches her brow at me. “You can do better than that.”
“What about you? You seem so distant all of a sudden. At daybreak we were in each other’s arms confessing our love for each other, and now a few hours later we’re besties with benefits.”
She sits of the edge of the bed and stares out the window. “Maybe all that ‘couple talk’ you were going on about when we woke up made me uncomfortable.”
“Yeah, I picked up on that. Like it’s the last thing you’d ever want.”
She holds her arms out and her eyes are wide. “But you’ve known since you met me that being part of a regular couple again was the last thing I wanted.”
I can’t argue with her. She’s only speaking the truth.
I nod, and sit down on the opposite side of the bed.
“And you’ve always known what I wanted,” I say.
“True . . . I just hoped . . .”
“As did I,” I admit. “Somehow I thought that if you loved me enough you would decide you wanted more after all.”
“So we were both wrong,” she says with an incredibly sad tone to her voice.
I lean forward and drop my head in my hands. My elbows are digging into my knees as if I’m trying to hold up the weight of the world instead of just my fat head.
A creepy feeling edges up my spine. “Is this about you wanting to still do hook-ups? Because this is making me feel like I’m just another one of your Tinder guys.”
Her mouth drops open and her eyebrows shoot up. “No! How can you even ask that? Besides after last night you’ve ruined me for anyone else.”
Her answer only makes me feel the smallest bit calmer. “Oh, this really sucks,” I groan.
“Can’t we just take things as they come?” She almost sounds like she’s pleading but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
I consider the idea as my forehead presses into the palm of my hand. It’s not the worst idea. If we just act like friends who are in love and have a lot of sex, won’t we eventually evolve into being a couple? Before you know it we could have a couple of kids and a Spanish bungalow in Larchmont Village or Toluca Lake.
Sitting up, I glance over at her. She looks as upset as I feel. I want to go to her, but I know I’d regret it later.
Instead I stand, and pick up my jacket and shoes before clearing my throat.
“Look, we’re both exhausted and overwhelmed. I think we both need some time to think about things.”
“Time?” Elle asks, looking scared. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
I let out a sigh. “I know. I don’t like it either. Here’s the thing, after two long years of abstinence and those crazy meetings, two years of occasional dates with women who didn’t excite me at all, I’ve finally found what I want and I’m not settling for less. I want you, Elle.”
“I want you too,” she replies. Her voice sounds like she’s holding back tears.
I shake my head. “You know what I’m about. I want it all . . . including the emotional intimacy and connection. I want to know that you’re my future. This is a hell of a lot more than sex to me and I can’t believe that’s all this is to you.”
Her voice gets quiet. “And if I can’t be who you want me to be, that’s it for us?”
I consider what she’s asked carefully before I finally nod and look over at her with sad eyes. “It just wouldn’t make sense, if what we want is so fundamentally different.”
“No,” she whispers. I notice there are tears in her eyes but as much as I want to, this time I can’t be the one to dry them.
I shake my head. “Damn love.”
“What do you mean?”
“Everything would be easier if I hadn’t fallen in love with you. Now I’m getting why all the tragic songs are about how love hurts.”
“Don’t say that, Paul. Love should be beautiful.”
I’m so tense my jaw locks. I’m getting frustrated and mad, which makes me feel stubborn. “It’s not so beautiful right now, is it?”
She casts her gaze downward. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Look, let’s just think about things . . . take some time, okay?”
Her whole face is drawn and her expression forlorn. “And then what?”
“We can agree right here that if one of us has a change of heart about the bigger picture we’ll let the other know.”
I sound more positive than I feel. I’m getting dizzy the longer I sit here and let the magic we had last night be swept aside by today’s new reality.
She lets out a ragged sigh. “It’s not going to happen, Paul. You’re not going to suddenly decide that I’m worth letting go of your big dreams of a together wife who wants a big family.”
“It doesn’t have to be a big family. And I’m not looking for, what did you say once . . . a complacent wifey. I want you but you have to be more than a bestie with benefits. I need a lot more than that.”
She wipes off her tears with her robe sleeve but I can see from her wary look that she isn’t buying it. “I understand that you need more,” she whispers.
“I do,” I say.
“I wish I had it to give. I feel hopeless about that kind of love. And even if I could be that intimate it doesn’t change the facts. This seems to be my history and my destiny. I’ve never gotten what I wanted or needed in a relationship, and it may be because I don’t deserve it. Maybe this is just how it’s going to be for me.”
Why can’t she believe in me and that things could be different with us?
I think what hurts the most is knowing that she actually believes what she just said. Sometimes you have to fight for what you deserve, but what can I do if she doesn’t think she deserves to be loved for who she is? How can I get her to see in herself what I do?
I walk over to her and pull her into my arms. Holding her tight, I kiss the top of her head as I silently hope that she’ll come to believe that she can be loved completely—not in fragments that if pieced together would complete the puzzle that is Elle. She is more, and I’m willing to wait some time for her to realize that we’re worth fighting for. I don’t want to settle for a lesser version of who she can be.
I know in life you have to take a stand for what your true beliefs are, but when I walk out of this house my heart will be blown apart by not holding onto her.
“I’ve got to go,” I whisper.
She nods and steps back, staring at the ground. She doesn’t even look up at me when I move away, and turn to leave. I glance back one last time before I pass through the bedroom door. I see tears and I see her arms wrapped tightly across her chest like she’s holding herself together, but I don’t see my Elle that I held last night. And I know as I walk out that door and get in my car that I never may again.
I’m about two days into this “let’s think about things” break/break-up when I start to wonder if it was all some kind of bullshit drama that people in love do just to keep each other on their toes.
I can’t sleep and I can barely eat, but hot damn, I sure as hell am holding onto my pride like a big man, waiting for my little woman to come to her senses. It’s all starting to feel surreal and ridiculous. I start questioning everything . . . like maybe I’m okay not having a bunch of kids and instead settling for a semi-girlfriend who loves sex as much as I do.
But then I see one of those commercials where the goofy dad is trying to change the baby’s diaper while the mother is trying to wrangle the other kids into the bath, and the dog is barking . . . that family chaos thing that commercials make look better than it ever is in real life.
In the final shot the family is all cuddled together on their couch appearing content, and he and his wife give each other this look. It feels intimate and full of the kind of love I imagine I’d feel with my wife, the mother of my children.
I know my logic of an insurance company commercial affecting my life choices may be misguided but I can’t help it. That final image of the dad surrounded by his children and adoring wife reminds me I’m never going to stop wanting that kind of life.
Wednesday I call my parent’s place to tell them I won’t be over Thursday night. Ma picks up.
“Why aren’t coming for dinner, Paulie? I was going to try Elle’s lasagna recipe you went on about. I was hoping you’d bring her.”
“Well Elle’s kind of the reason.”
“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”
This is harder than I thought. I swallow back my frustration. “It’s just that I’m not seeing Elle for a while.”
“Why in the world not? You two are such close friends. You know how much we love her.”
I feel awkward. There’s no easy way to break this to Ma.
“Yeah, about that close friends thing . . . Remember that we were going to her friend’s wedding?”
“Yes.”
“Well it was one of those nights, and one thing led to another . . .”
“Oh my. Frankly I’m not surprised. So how does a couple go from that to not seeing each other anymore?”
“I don’t know, Ma. I’m still kind of baffled myself over it.”
“You were attentive, yes? You better say yes, or I’ll smack you.”
“Of course I was. It wasn’t being intimate—it all went to hell when I told her I was in love with her.”
“What do you mean? That doesn’t make any sense. That should’ve made everything even better.”
“I know. I’m still trying to figure it out. She says it’s not that she doesn’t care about me, she does . . . but she doesn’t think she’s meant to be in a relationship.”
Ma is eerily quiet.
“You still there?”
“I’m here. So that’s what she said?”
“Yes.”
Ma lets out a long sigh. “Poor lass.”
“You feel bad for her?”
“I feel bad for her because she must not value who she is. She was already in a relationship with you . . . a grand one. Anyone could see it. She’s a fool to let that go.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’m so messedup, Ma.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, my boy—very sorry. She isn’t thinking clearly. There must be a way for you two to work this out. Let me pray on it. You should, too.”
Ma thinks prayers cure everything, but at this point what do I have to lose?
“I’ll try, Ma. I promise, I’ll try.”
It’s just past nine o’clock Thursday night when my phone prompts. I’m surprised to see it’s my brother. He must have gotten an earful from the folks about the tragic turn my life has taken.
“Hey, Paul. Ma told us about what happened at dinner tonight. I thought maybe it’d be good for you to get out. Are you free tomorrow night?”
“Would Skye be coming?” I’m not trying to be rude but I can’t take that woman right now.
“No, just us guys.”
I let out a sigh. I’m really not in the mood to go anywhere but it’s a big deal for my brother to put himself out there and offer, so I agree. Besides I’m going nuts after work, during the long empty hours at night.
“Okay. Musso and Frank?” he asks.
I roll my eyes. This notorious restaurant is seeping in Hollywood history and is relatively unchanged over the years. It’s almost a hundred years old, which by L.A. standards pretty much is equivalent to the Ice Age. It’s his favorite place and he insists we go there every year for his birthday instead of getting presents. I don’t know if it’s the old Hollywood vibe that he likes or what, but the whole place has stopped in time. Far be it from me to crimp his style.
“Seven’s okay?”
“Yeah. See you there.”
Patrick is already in his booth when I arrive. He always asks to be in this section so his favorite waiter, Al—who’s an old, cranky bastard—can wait on us. Apparently they have a special connection that I’ll never figure out. Al always argues with me about what I’m ordering.
“Medium-well,” I answer when he asks how I want my steak.
“Rare. It’s better,” he says as he scribbles in his pad.
Screw you, old man.
We’re halfway through our old-school martinis when it hits me that Patrick ordered a burger.
“Hey, what happened to being vegan?”
He shrugs. “I can’t give up my meat.”
“But what about Skye?”
He starts to turn red as he fidgets with his silverware. “Um, I don’t eat it around her.”
“You dog!” I say with a laugh. “She doesn’t know, does she?”
He shakes his head.
“I tried, I swear I tried,” he insists.
“Hey, I’m not going to give you any shit about it. A man needs his beef, right?”
He nods looking relieved.
“So then what about the rest . . . the meditating and weird clothes?”
“That stuff is all right. I don’t mind the meditating. Actually I kind of like it, but I almost blew it last night when I fell asleep while she was chanting. I don’t think she was amused.”
“But she’s peaceful and all-accepting, right? So I’m sure she was cool with it.”
“Oh, she’s feistier than she looks. I was making fun of the weird art on her vision cards the other day and she got pissed.”
“So what is this then? Is she someone you’re serious about?”
“I don’t know if I’d say serious yet, but she’s pretty great. She’s really sweet to me. Besides, it’s part of my plan to expand my horizons.”
“Like the travel you were telling me about?”
I think about how much Patrick has changed lately and realize it’s good to focus on someone else’s relationship for a change.
“Exactly.”
“Well that’s cool I guess. How about the sex? Is that expanding your horizons too?”
His face turns a brighter shade of red. “Have you ever heard of Tantric sex?” he asks.
“No.”
“Look it up.” He leans forward with an intense expression and lowers his voice. “It will change your life.”
My eyes grow wide. Whoa, Paddy’s got it going on. Good for him. No wonder he’s putting up with the incense and rope belts. I lift my martini glass in a toast.
“Here’s for expanding your horizons.”
Grinning, he lifts his glass to join me. “Here, here.”
Grumpy Al brings out our food and we dig in. I’m almost done with my steak when Patrick brings up my situation.
“So can you tell me about what happened with you and Elle? Ma said something about her telling you she didn’t want to be in a relationship.”
“Yeah, she told me that the first ten minutes after we met, but I kind of forgot that small detail the closer we got.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know, but I better figure something out because I’m missing her so much that it’s making me crazy.”
Patrick finishes off the final bite of his burger, pushes his plate back, then taps his fingers on the table. He squints like he’s deep in thought before looking back up at me.
“I’m going to tell you something, and I’m going to get in trouble for telling you, but I think it’s worth the risk.”
“Is it about Elle?”
He nods. “She called me today to ask about you. I didn’t tell her we were meeting and I agreed not to tell you this, but this is the second woman in a week I’ve lied to so whatever . . . I’m going to hell.”
My stomach starts flip-flopping and my hands are getting clammy. “Is she okay?” I ask.
“No. To be honest she sounds worse than you. She hasn’t been able to work all week.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. “Damn.” I realize I feel even lower knowing that she’s bad off, rather than being an asshole and relieved that she’s struggling too. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what the hell is.
“So what did you say to her?” I ask.
“That she should give you guys a chance.”
“How did she react?”
“She was quiet. And then I reminded her that despite the fact that she told me she was falling in love with you months back, you guys never had the chance to be a romantic couple. Because of circumstances you were always just friends.”
“Wait a minute . . . did you just say that she told you she was falling in love with me months ago?”
He nods and gives me a sheepish look. “At the end of that date we had.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? I thought you were talking about the Viking when you talked about her being interested in someone else.”
“I promised her. I swore I wouldn’t say anything.”
I press my hand over my forehead and moan. “I can’t believe it . . . I had no idea. I mean, I knew she wanted to sleep with me, but never anything more than that. Oh man, what a mess.”
“Messes can be cleaned up, you know.”
“So how did you end the conversation?”
“Well she told me she was scared to fail again. I told her that sometimes the only way to deal with an issue is to face your fears head-on. Why not do the work so you can be the best version of yourself?”
“Whoa, Patrick, where did you pick up all this stuff?”
“It’s from a book I read last year about conquering your fears. It inspired me. That’s the reason I’m doing stuff like planning trips, and dating someone like Skye. I’m done with being worried of what people think of me, that I’m not good enough for the things I want.”
My mouth drops open. I knew my brother wasn’t a stud, but I had no idea he used to have that much self-doubt. I’m impressed with this new Patrick. “Never sell yourself short, man. You’re the real deal.”
He sits up straight, pulls his shoulders back and gives me a satisfied smile.
“So I told Elle about the book, and she gave me her email so I could gift it to her for her eReader. She promised to read it.”
“I hope she does.”
“I really want you two to figure this out. You’re great together.”
“We are.” The one thing I know for sure is that it always felt so right to be with her.
I study Patrick as we get up to leave. I’m proud of him, and I really appreciate the advice he gave Elle. Now if she only takes it . . .
That night I lie in bed exhausted but amped up. The idea that Elle had loved me from early on, yet kept it a secret is blowing my mind. With each toss and turn in my bed I relive our various adventures through a different perspective.
I still can’t believe that she insisted I take out Melanie, then showed up on my front porch to hear if my high school dreams had finally come true. I try to imagine the heavy feeling in her heart thinking I could be in bed with this woman who had every potential of blowing Elle and my intense connection apart.
