Текст книги "Zipporah's Daughter"
Автор книги: Philippa Carr
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 20 страниц)
My father was with us at the time this young man came and years later I was to remember the manner in which he answered him.
‘I believe,’ said my father, ‘that you young men, when you return from America, preach freedom for the oppressed.’
‘That is so, Comte,’ said the young man. ‘There is a wonderful spirit abroad and this war has made it clear. Monarchs and governors have no right to oppress those whom they rule. The oppressed must stand up and fight for their freedom.’
‘And these are doctrines you are preaching here? Is that so?’
‘Assuredly, sir. They are the doctrines of truth and honour.’
‘And the doctrines which are inciting the mobs to riot?’
The blood flamed into my father’s face. I knew he was seeing my mother coming out of the milliner’s shop to face the mob whose fury killed her. It seemed that everything we discussed led to that dangerous subject.
‘We are only telling people that they have rights,’ said the young man.
‘Rights to kill their betters!’ cried my father.
‘No, sir, no, of course not. Rights which should be given them and if they are not … to fight for them as the Colonists are doing.’
I changed the subject hastily. It was what I had to do continually. I liked best to be with my father on our own and if then he talked of the war I could make sure that he was not reminded of the troubles in France.
He thought Charles was a fool to have gone to fight. First he said the quarrel had nothing to do with France; secondly it meant that Frenchmen were coming back with revolutionary ideas; thirdly France was paying heavily for her support of the Colonists … and in more than money, which it could ill afford in any case.
‘He has left his family … all this time. How long is it? It must be over a year now. I wish we had found a better match for you, Lottie.’
‘I am fond of Charles and I think he is of me.’
‘To leave you all this time! To go and fight for a cause which has nothing to do with this country!’
‘He was challenged rather … I think he saw it like that.’
‘Yes,’ mused my father, ‘I would have liked someone higher for you.’
‘He was going to marry Sophie. You approved of that.’
‘Sophie was not the sort to attract important men … as you would. I was glad to make a match for her and the Tourvilles were ready. If only … but then you see you were not born in wedlock, and foolish as these conventions are they have to be considered. It seemed that the Tourville marriage was a very good one for you at the time.’
‘It was, and then I have Charlot and Claudine.’
‘Those dear ones, yes. Lottie, how I should love to have them at Aubigné … always.’ He looked at me sharply. ‘I see you are thinking it is hardly the place for children. But they would change it, Lottie. We should forget Sophie in her tower with dragon Jeanne, and Armand who cares for nothing but his pleasure, and his psalm-singing wife who spends most of her days in prayer instead of bringing babies into the world. And then there is that old misanthrope—myself—who would be a changed man if only he could have his loved ones about him.’
‘One day Charles will come home,’ I said. ‘I must be here when he does.’
So once again we parted and my father went back to his life of mourning and I continued to wait for news of Charles’s return. Occasionally I heard news of the war. It was not yet over. There seemed to be a series of victories and defeats and I gathered the English were not doing well.
Then one day we had a visitor.
I had met the Comte de Saramand when Charles had been making his arrangements to go to America. He had been one of those who had answered the call and he had stayed at the château several times with us.
As soon as I saw him standing in the hall I knew that he had brought news of Charles and a feeling of dread swept over me.
Why was Charles not with him? They had gone together. Surely they would return together. And why had the Comte de Saramand called on me?
There was something about his demeanour which disturbed me. He looked very grave.
‘Welcome, Comte,’ I said. ‘You have news of my husband … ’
The Comte looked at me steadily and said: ‘I have bad news for you, I’m afraid.’
‘Charles … ’ I murmured.
‘He fell at the Battle of Eutaw Springs. I was with him at the end. His last thoughts were of you. He regretted leaving you and said he never should have done so. He wanted me to tell you that he loved you … that you were the only one.’
‘Dead?’ I murmured. ‘Charles … dead.’
‘He gave me this ring which I was to return to you.’
I took the ring. It was the gold ring with the lapis seal which he had always worn. There could be no doubt. Charles was dead.
Although I had come face to face with this possibility, the realization that it had actually come to pass was a great blow and shocked me deeply.
Charles … dead. Buried somewhere in a foreign land. Gone forever.
I mourned for Charles. I shut myself away to consider what his death would mean.
It was so long since I had seen him that I could not pretend the blow was as great as it would have been if he had been snatched away from me when I saw him every day. Life would go on the same at Tourville. Charles had for a long time not been a part of it, but death is shocking however it comes. Death is irrevocable. How many times had I thought during his absence, when he comes back we must discuss this … or plan that. And now … no more.
Chariot scarcely remembered him. Claudine had never really known him. His parents had lost their only son but they had a substitute in their son-in-law and this meant that Amélie and her husband would live permanently at Tourville.
When I broke the news to Chariot, I said: ‘Charlot, your father will never be coming back.’
‘Oh,’ said Charlot, looking up from his painting, ‘does he live in America now?’
‘He was killed in battle,’ I told him.
His eyes were round. ‘Did they shoot him with a gun?’
‘I … I think so,’ I faltered.
‘I wish I had a gun,’ said Chariot, and began to sketch one on the paper before him.
And that was what Charles’s death meant to Chariot.
I cried to myself indignantly: It is your fault, Charles, if you son does not care. You should never have left us.
I felt sad and lonely at night. He would never lie there beside me again. I should never feel his arms about me. But I had been lonely so long that I had grown accustomed to sleeping alone.
‘You should never have left us, Charles,’ I said again and again.
So I did not feel much change at Tourville.
When my father heard the news he came over at once. His first words were: ‘There is nothing to keep you here now.’
I had to admit it was true.
‘Aubigné should be your home. Do you agree, Lottie?’
I said I should need time to think.’
‘Please, Lottie, come home.’
He, who had once been so proud, who had rarely thought to ask for what he wanted, but merely to take it as his right, was pleading with me.
I knew what it would mean to him if I went. Was it the best thing for the children? Would it be right for me?
He had taken my hand. ‘Lottie,’ he said. ‘Please.’
And I knew that I was going to say yes.
A Tutor Comes
IT WAS SEVERAL MONTHS since we had arrived at Aubigné and it seemed more like home to me than Tourville ever had. The children loved it. I had been rather ashamed at the blithe manner in which Charlot and Claudine said goodbye to their Tourville grandparents, who had always been so kind to them. But the prospect of adventure and new places was irresistible to them and they were guileless enough not to hide this. I am sure the Tourvilles understood and were completely sincere in wishing us all every possible happiness in our new home. Louis-Charles also was excited at the prospect, and as the eldest of the children he had great influence on the others though Charlot certainly had a will of his own.
I had to stifle my emotion when the castle came into view. I had seen it many times, of course, but somehow because of the circumstances it looked different. It seemed as it had on that first time when I had come with my father and did not know then that it was to be my home. It was like a mighty fortress with its corbelled watch-towers and its stone-walled parapets and buttresses proclaimed its strength. I glanced up at what I called in my mind ‘Sophie’s Tower’ and I wondered what life was going to be like at Aubigné.
Lisette was delighted to be going back. She had found life at Tourville excessively dull and she had always had a special feeling for Aubigné.
My father was overjoyed to receive us and he could not take his eyes from the children. I thought, He is happy … at least as happy as he can be without my mother. Armand welcomed us with that brand of nonchalance which could be construed as indifference, but at least he had no objection to our coming. Marie Louise was even more indifferent. My father said derisively: ‘She has her eyes so firmly set on her place in Heaven that she has become unaware that she is still on Earth.’
Sophie kept to her tower and for a long time the children did not know of her existence.
So we settled in and the weeks stretched to months. Strangely enough, bereaved widow that I was—and I still thought nostalgically of Charles and the old days although it was so long since I had known them—I felt more alive at Aubigné than I had at Tourville. Aubigné seemed closer to affairs. My father rarely went to Paris now but he said that when he did I must go with him; and I did believe that since our coming he had begun to take a more lively interest in what was happening in the country.
I had been about two months at Aubigné when Dickon arrived.
My grandmother had died. Dickon said that the death of Zipporah had been the end of her. She had gradually lost what grip she had had on life.
He talked to me more seriously than he ever had before and as he was continually striving to be alone with me these talks were frequent. Once when we were riding he suggested that we tether our horses and sit by the stream, for it was not easy to talk on horseback.
He sat there occasionally picking up a stone and throwing it into the stream.
‘Poor Zipporah,’ he said. ‘That she should meet such an end! She was always such a quiet person. I was very fond of her, you know. Oh, you can look at me sceptically. I know she didn’t like me, but I don’t have to like people just because they like me, do I?’
‘I really believe you think you would have to like almost the whole of the world if you did that.’
He laughed. ‘No … not quite. Zipporah was against me right from the start. It was understandable. I was an impossible child. I hope none of yours turn out as I did. I rather think one of mine—Jonathan—might. We shall have to watch him. Zipporah summed me up in her quiet way and put the black marks against me. Then she did the incredible herself. I don’t think she ever stopped being amazed. But look what it brought her! You … the incomparable Lottie … and then that wonderful romance. It was beautiful to see. A perfect love-story. The passion of youth … the separation, and then the final reunion when they were both older, wiser and capable of realizing what true love meant. It is an example of us all.’
I guessed what he was leading up to and did not want him to say it … yet. I felt very insecure and I doubted his intentions. I believed I would always do that. I told myself that I could never entirely trust him again.
‘They were so happy together,’ I said. ‘So ideally suited. He so worldly, she was innocent. But she was an idealist and I think she made him the man she believed him to be.’
‘It is possible. And to die like that! The victim of fools … for there are many fools in this country.’
‘Aren’t there in all countries?’
‘You are right. But France at this time cannot afford her fools. Can you feel it in the air? It is like the quiet before the storm.’
‘I can feel nothing.’
‘That is because you are not aware of what is going on.’
‘I do live here and you are a visitor.’
‘I travel a little in France and I watch … ’
‘Dickon, your mother said something about fingers in pies. Are you here on a mission?’
‘If I were it would be essentially secret, wouldn’t it, and therefore you would not expect an honourable man to divulge it.’
‘I always thought there was some motive … ’
‘The main motive in my life is to be with you.’
‘I don’t believe that.’
He sighed. ‘How can I make you believe it?’
‘You never could. There is too much behind us. You once talked of marrying me, but you took Eversleigh instead. You married soon afterwards … most suitably.’
‘I made one big mistake. I should have waited for you.’
‘But think what Eversleigh meant to you.’
‘I can only think what you mean to me. Lottie, we have the example of your parents. How wise they were! Think of their idyllic life together.’
‘It would never be like that for us.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because we are different. You will tell me that you and my father have a lot in common. But it needs two to make a perfect union and I can assure you that I am not in the least like my mother.’
‘Lottie, come back to me. Marry me. Let’s start where we should have started all those years ago.’
‘I don’t think it would be wise.’
‘Why not?’
‘If I married again I should want something wonderful. I remember seeing my parents together. I have heard my father talk of his marriage to my mother … nothing less would satisfy me. If I cannot have that I prefer to stay as I am, free, independent.’
‘You shall have everything you want.’
‘It’s too late, Dickon.’
‘It’s never too late. You have some feeling for me.’
‘Yes, I have.’
‘You feel better for having me around.’
I hesitated. ‘I … I am aware of you.’
‘Very much aware of me. There is a sparkle in your eyes when you see me.’ He turned to me and, putting his arms round me, kissed me. I could not hide the fact that I was moved, that I responded, that I wanted him to go on kissing me; but I kept seeing my mother, hearing her voice, and she was warning me against him. She seemed closer to me now that she was dead.
I pushed him away vehemently. ‘No, Dickon,’ I said. ‘No.’
‘We are both free now,’ he reminded me. ‘Why not? Let’s take it up where we should have done all those years ago.’
I could not deceive myself. I wanted to say Yes. I knew life with Dickon would be a hazardous adventure, but I wanted to embark on it. Yet I could still see my mother warning me as it were from the grave; and so vivid was that image that I could not ignore it.
‘You could find someone very suitable in the circles in which you move,’ I said. ‘London society, is it? Some rich woman?’
‘I have a fair share of worldly goods now, you know.’
‘But you would still like more.’
‘Who can honestly say No to possessions?’
‘Certainly not Dickon.’
‘Well, you would hardly be a penniless parti,’ he said lightly. ‘I am sure your father, who is immensely rich, would not allow that. Then you must have dues to you from Tourville.’
‘I see that in the midst of your devotion you have had time to calculate my worth.’
‘Your worth is above diamonds, which I always considered to be more worthy than rubies. The fact is, Lottie, I love you. I always have. I always knew you were the one for me, ever since I set eyes on the beautiful child with the wilful ways and the passion which matched my own. Do you imagine that your romantic birth did anything to stem my love for you?’
‘No, I don’t think that. The dam was Eversleigh.’
‘Cruel! Cruel and cutting. A man makes one mistake. Is he never to be forgiven for it?’
‘Forgiven, yes. But the mistake—if mistake it was—is not easily forgotten.’
My mood towards him had changed. When he talked about my father’s wealth I remembered how interested he was in the estate, his speculation, his pleasure in it which he had shown when we were riding about it.
If I married again it would not be for my possessions, and although I was sure Dickon’s feeling for me went deep, I knew that he could not help considering every advantage.
He desired me. I was well aware of that. But I had seen with Charles that such desire does not last and when it begins to be less urgent there must be some firm foundation on which to build a love such as that which I had seen between my mother and father.
Dickon went on pleadingly: ‘There are two very good reasons why you should come to England. The first is that I need you and you need me. The second is that this is a very uneasy country. You are shut away in this rural district and you forget it. Can you ever forget, though, what happened to your mother?’
I shook my head. ‘Never,’ I said vehemently.
‘Why did it happen? Ask yourself why. France is in a ferment. I know that. It is my business to know it.’
‘Secret mission?’ I asked.
‘It is obvious that if there is trouble in France we on the other side of the Channel will not be very sorry about that. They deserve what is coming to them, and remember this, Lottie, it is coming. It’s in the air. Wise people are aware of it. Look back a little. Louis XIV left a strong France, but during the reign of the fifteenth Louis France’s fortunes were dissipated. The extravagant excesses of that king enraged the people. They hated the Pompadour and du Barry. The finery … the carriages in the streets … the glittering entertainments … the fortunes spent on dresses and jewels by the aristocrats had been noticed. And beside this are the poor … the starving poor. Such contrasts exist in other places but in no other have the foolish people called such blatant attention to them. They are nearly bankrupt. They have a young, idealistic King with an extravagant wife who is an Austrian—and the French hate foreigners. There are agitators in this country whose sole task is to promote trouble. They started with the Guerre des Farines but it misfired somehow and instead of becoming a revolution it was a rehearsal for one … probably due to the courage of the King when the mob marched on Versailles … and luck, of course. He had that.’
‘You hate them, Dickon.’
‘I despise them,’ he answered.
‘You have never forgiven them for their attitude towards the Colonists. They thought they were helping the oppressed. Charles thought that.’
‘And he left you, the fool. He lost you … and his life. He earned the reward of his folly. I understand why he went to fight for the Colonists. I wouldn’t tell any French man or woman this, but I think they were right to stand out against the imposition of taxes. But for the French to raise companies of men and go to their aid when the money was needed in their own country, and then to come back and preach republican ideas when their monarchy and the whole structure of their country is beginning to crumble, that is the utmost folly. It is more than that—it is madness.’
‘And you think it will have some effect?’
‘Have some effect! You have seen what happened to your mother. She knew nothing of their grievances but the mob does not care on whom it wreaks its vengeance. She was an aristocrat in a grand carriage. That was enough for them. You have never seen these agitators. You don’t know how persuasive they can be.’
‘I did see one once. But I did not stay long to listen. I was with my father and we left immediately.’
‘That was wise of you. Don’t make any mistakes. There is danger in the air. It could catch up with you. Come away while you are safe.’
‘What of my father?’
‘Bring him with you.’
‘Do you think he would ever leave Aubigné?’
‘No.’
‘I shall not leave him as long as he wants me. It would be too cruel to go away. It would be worse for him than my being at Tourville. At least then I was in France.’
‘And what of me?’
‘You, Dickon? You are capable of taking care of yourself.’
‘You will see that I am right.’
‘I hope not.’
‘And I shall not give up. I shall continue to harry you. And one day you will realize that it is useless to hold out any longer.’
‘You mean you will come to France again on your secret mission?’
‘On my romantic mission. That is the only mission important to me.’
We talked and I swayed. I believed at some times I was on the point of giving up everything for Dickon. He had that effect on me. Then I heard again the voice of my mother and I remembered that I could not leave my father. So I tried to be content and make a happy life for myself in Aubigné.
Time passed quickly at Aubigné. There was so much to do. Lisette had added the task of governess to that of lady’s maid. She had always taught Louis-Charles when he was young and now she took over Claudine. I helped her and we enjoyed our sessions with Claudine, who was a bright child.
My father said the boys should have a tutor and he would look out for someone reliable and suitable.
The American war had come to an end and even King George had given his consent to the independence of the colony. Everyone was very pleased about that, including my father, who pointed out that the English had been soundly beaten and that as well as losing half a continent they had added millions to their national debt.
‘A piece of folly,’ he said.
And I thought of what Dickon had said about French participation in it. It had taken Charles; it had brought a republican spirit into France; Dickon had said that it could have far-reaching consequences, and although I tried to dismiss those implications from my mind I could not do so entirely.
I had been up to see Sophie on several occasions. I think she could bear to see me now that Charles was dead. Neither of us had him now. I believed that was how she saw it.
She managed to look quite pretty in a way. Jeanne, who was an expert seamstress, had devised a method of attaching hoods to her gowns; they always matched in colour or were beautifully blended; and they were designed to hide her scars completely.
I tried to make her believe that Charles and I had not been lovers before our marriage. I insisted that the flower she had found in his room had not been dropped there by me. I wished I could have found that flower, but although I had searched, I never had been able to. Charles had given it to me so long ago and I had never given it a thought until Sophie mentioned it. I greatly regretted that it was lost and I could not show it to Sophie to prove that I was speaking the truth. But she did not want to hear any more on the subject and I knew that if I persisted I should be prevented from going again to see her and I was trying very hard to get back to that relationship which we had once shared.
The children were a safer subject, but I did not take them to see her. It occurred to me that it might make her resentful of me if she saw the children, for she would immediately think that they might have been hers. So I merely told her about Charlot’s prowess at sport and how he enjoyed playing with Louis-Charles.
I knew that Lisette went to see her, and I thought it was a great breakthrough when Lisette and I went together and there were the three of us just as there used to be in the old days.
Lisette was a great asset. She could keep the conversation flowing in the right directions. She brought materials to show Jeanne and we all discussed the making of a new gown for Sophie.
I thought: One of these days we shall persuade her to come down and live like an ordinary member of the household. There was no reason why she should not. She looked rather pretty in her cleverly fashioned gowns, and the hood seemed like a charming fashion.
Jeanne would welcome us when we went up so I supposed we were making good progress.
There was a sudden change in Armand. He seemed to have become almost lively and there was a new sparkle in his eyes. It was as though he were taking a new and sudden interest in life.
I mentioned it to my father when I was sitting with him in the small room of his own apartments which he regarded as his very private sanctum. I was one of the few who were invited to join him there.
When I mentioned Armand, he smiled and said: ‘Yes, he has changed. So you noticed. He really is getting quite enthusiastic about this project.’
‘Has he a project then?’
‘Yes. Perhaps he is rather over-reacting. But on the other hand, it is a change to see him really getting interested in something. He is gathering together quite a little band of his friends. He was deeply affected, you know, by what …’ My father faltered and went on briskly: ‘By what happened to your mother.’
I nodded.
‘He has always had strong feelings about the rights of those born in high places and what happened was an outrage against his class.’
‘So it was that which affected him so deeply, not … ’
‘Armand’s feelings for people do not go very deep. But he can feel strongly for causes. People are like that. Have you noticed? Those who campaign on behalf of the masses very often have little feeling for the individuals. Armand is such a one. So what deeply affected him was the outrage against class. It has stirred him to action, and he is gathering together a number of his friends with some scheme in mind for forming an armed band to deal with those agitators who are making speeches in the towns. They seem to be the ones who are stirring up trouble. Indeed it was one of those … ’
I put my hand over my father’s. ‘Don’t talk of it,’ I said.
‘You are right. I should stop myself. It brings it all back more vividly. We were saying that Armand had changed and it is a change for the better. It is good to know that he can show some spirit about something. I thought he never could.’
‘What do they plan to do?’
‘I don’t quite know. When they find these agitators speaking to the people they will attempt to answer them … and if there is trouble they will be ready to deal with it.’
‘There really is a great deal of trouble in the country, I fear,’ I said.
‘That is so, my dear. Sometimes I say to myself as our King did, “Perhaps after me the deluge.” But it won’t come to that. There are men like Armand all over the country. They would soon deal with a revolt. Sometimes I wish it would come to the boil so that we could deal with it. It is these undercurrents, these subversive attempts to undermine law and order, which terrify me.’
I could see that the subject was dangerously near that one which could bring back such poignant memories and although they were never far from the surface of his mind I wanted to stop his plunging into them. So I talked of Charlot and asked how he was getting on with his chess which my father was teaching him.
‘Not bad … not bad at all. He lacks the necessary concentration … but he might play one day.’
‘He enjoys being with you.’
‘He likes best to talk about the castle.’ My father smiled. ‘I have had to look up our family history to satisfy him.’
‘Claudine likes too to get into this room.’
‘Ah, Claudine. She is a minx.’
There was no doubt what the children’s presence meant to him. How could I ever go to Dickon and take them away from him!
I vowed to myself that I would never leave Aubigné while my father lived.
The castle had its effect on Lisette. I realized that before we came here there had been a vague dissatisfaction in her manner. She had never talked about her farmer husband and I had not asked because I had quickly understood that that period of her life was something of which she did not wish to be reminded. It had brought her Louis-Charles, it was true, but although she was ambitious for him, she did not show him a great deal of tenderness.
But since we had returned to the castle she had become more like the old Lisette whom I had known when we were young girls. She used to come to my room to dress my hair and we had a great deal of fun trying out new hairstyles. At Court, under the influence of the most extravagant of queens, they were becoming more and more ridiculous. Ladies vied with each other to build up these towers of folly on their heads, using jewels, feathers and stuffed birds. Lisette amused herself by trying out ideas on her own and my hair.
I had always been fond of her but since my father had told me the pathetic story of her beginnings, I felt tender towards her, and when she was laughing and talking with me I often used to wonder what her life would have been like but for my father.
We talked about everything that came into our heads. We often discussed the children and I told her that now that they were growing up my father wanted to find a good tutor for the boys.
‘We can manage Claudine for a little while yet,’ she said, ‘but boys in their teens certainly do need a tutor.’
‘I dare say my father will find someone soon. He is waiting really until he goes to Paris and then he can make enquiries in certain quarters. He is most anxious to find the right sort of person.’
‘That is very important. And this tutor … he will teach Louis-Charles as well?’
‘But of course.’
I glanced at Lisette in the mirror. Her mouth had that old square look which I had noticed before. I construed it as a form of bitterness. She was very proud, I knew, and hated to accept charity.
I said quickly: ‘It is good for Charlot to have a companion round about his own age. I am so glad you had a son, Lisette.’
‘He certainly made a lot worth while.’ She had recovered and was smiling.
‘Armand seems to have changed lately,’ she added.
‘Oh yes, he has a project. The Comte was telling me about it.’
‘A project? What sort of project?’
‘Well, you know there is some concern about what is happening in the country.’
‘Is there?’ said Lisette.
‘Lisette, you must give some serious attention to these matters.’
‘Why?’
‘Because they concern you.’
‘How could they concern me?
‘Remember my mother.’
‘Oh yes,’ said Lisette quietly.
‘There was an agitator in the town. It was his talk which aroused the fury of the mob.’
‘I know. Don’t talk about it. I can’t bear it. Your mother was such a charming … good lady.’
‘Apparently these agitators are travelling round the country. They are men with a gift for words. Well, people are getting rather worried about it. Even Armand.’
‘Even Armand!’ She echoed my words.
‘Yes, he and some friends are getting together apparently.’
‘What are they going to do?’
‘They will try to do something about it. I don’t know what.’
‘Oh … I see. Armand has certainly changed. He seems to have found something he can really care about.’
