Текст книги "Tie Me"

Автор книги: Olivia Cunning

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

“She’s cute,” Kellen agreed, so that Jacob would stop squeezing his shoulders.

“You know who would look fuck hot pregnant?” Jacob asked, still watching Lindsey like some predator.

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

“Amanda.”

Fuck, he said it.

“Don’t you think you should date a woman for more than a week before you start trying to knock her up?” Kellen asked.

Jacob slapped him on the back of the head. “I’m not going to knock her up. I just think she would look hot pregnant.”

“I don’t think you should tell her that.”

Jacob chuckled. “You’re probably right.”

“Thank you, Jordan,” Lindsey said loudly, cutting him off in the middle of a description of his favorite driver’s car. She’d been patiently listening to him prattle for several long minutes. Jordan was very good at prattling and bad at recognizing shut-up-now cues. “I think they need your help outside.”

“They do?” Jordan glanced toward the open bus door. “I was going to help you make sandwiches for the guys.”

“I’ve got a handle on it,” she said. “Go on now.”

“If you need anything,” he said, “anything at all, just ask.”

“I will. Thanks for giving me a ride to the store.”

Jordan stood there for another long minute, raking a hand through his dirty-blond hair, before finally turning to leave.

Lindsey released a relieved-sounding breath and began to remove fresh-baked sandwich rolls and deli meat and cheese from her grocery sacks. “Owen, what do you want on your sandwich?”

“Pastrami and rye?” Kellen teased him with a wink.

“Do I look like I got laid today?”

“Huh?” Lindsey said, turning to look at him.

“Nothing,” Owen said, “Turkey and cheddar is fine if you’ve got it.”

“Shade?” Lindsey asked.

“What?” Jacob answered.

“What do you want on your sandwich?”

“You don’t have to make me a sandwich,” he said. “Go sit down and put your feet up. You look a little tired.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “I can’t just sit here all day and consume your oxygen. I want to do something.”

“You’re incubating a baby,” Jacob said. “That’s plenty.”

“But it’s not. I didn’t come here to be a pain in the ass,” she said.

“You didn’t?” Owen teased. “You were sure making a go of it when you first arrived.”

“I know I had a major meltdown last night,” she said. “I’m sorry you all had to see that. You try riding next to a grizzly bear of a truck driver who insists on calling you sweet-tits. We’ll see how rational you are after fourteen hours of thinking you’re going to be raped, murdered, and fed to the load of hogs in the back of his semi.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d like anyone to call me sweet-tits for fourteen hours,” Owen said.

Lindsey giggled.

“You hitchhiked here?” Kellen asked.

“Stupid, I know, but I was desperate. What do you want on your sandwich, Cuff?”

Kellen didn’t care. “Roast beef?”

“Shade?” she asked Jacob again.

“Yeah, roast beef sounds good. I still think you should sit down and let us make our own damned sandwiches.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to force myself into your lives.” She peeked at Owen over her shoulder, but he was back to texting on his cellphone, so he didn’t notice. “I just need a little help until I can get on my feet. I’m not a mooch.”

“You shouldn’t be on your feet at all,” Jacob insisted. He moved to stand beside her and placed a hand on her lower back. “You should be resting.”

“No, I shouldn’t be resting; I should be working. Making money. I have a baby to support. I held onto my apartment for as long as possible while I looked for a job after Mrs. Weston fired me. That ate up my savings quickly, and I ended up completely broke. Hopefully I can find a job in Austin real soon and set up a little house for me and the baby so his father can come visit him as much as he can.” She rubbed her belly and gazed longingly at Owen again.

Kellen wasn’t sure if Owen was intentionally ignoring her or just oblivious that he was the main topic of her conversation. She obviously thought her baby was Owen’s. Or she wanted it to be. Kellen didn’t want it to be. He wanted his friend to have kids with someone he was in love with.

Also watching someone who looked so much like Sara pine for his best friend was a total mind fuck. Kellen would buy Lindsey a twenty-bedroom mansion in Hawaii if it meant he didn’t have to see her looking all pregnant and beautiful and alive. But since he was waiting on a sandwich, he might as well sit down for now.

Kellen slid into the booth next to Owen. Owen glanced up to meet Kellen’s eyes, his expression a mixture of fear, disgust, and desperation. He might be pretending that this thing with Lindsey wasn’t affecting him, but Kellen saw through the pretense. He wanted to get Owen out of this jam, but he didn’t know how. This wasn’t just some overzealous groupie who could be dissuaded; there was a baby involved. A baby who needed a father. Any father—even a reluctant one—was better than no father at all.

“So what kind of work will you be looking for?” Kellen asked Lindsey.

“Something in banking,” she said. She set a plate in front of Owen. “Assuming I can get a decent recommendation from my last employer.” She brushed her bangs out of her face and held them back with one hand as she stared into nothingness. “We didn’t exactly part on good terms. I sort of called her a frigid bitch.”

“Thanks for the sandwich,” Owen said quietly, not looking at her.

Yes, Owen, ignore the problem. That fixes everything.

While Lindsey was distracted with failing to gain Owen’s attention, Jacob took her place at the counter to slap together more sandwiches.

As soon as Lindsey saw what he was doing, she grabbed him by one arm and shoved him into the booth across from Kellen and Owen. “Please, Shade, just give me this. Okay? I know it doesn’t make up for much, but I have to contribute something.”

“Will you just let the girl make you a sandwich?” Kellen said.

Owen hadn’t touched his food yet and was texting faster than ever. Kellen snatched the phone out of his hand. “Your text can wait until you’re done eating.”

“Yes, Mommy,” Owen said.

Owen glanced at Lindsey’s back, turned a shade paler, and then reached for his sandwich. He took a small bite, as if worried she’d dosed it with a love potion. Owen really needed to talk about this. Kellen felt bad for having his phone off the night before and for keeping the topics of their earlier conversations all about himself.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Kellen said, “could I get that sandwich to go? I forgot that Owen and I have somewhere we need to be in ten minutes.”

“Sure,” she said, offering Owen a disappointed glance.

“Where?” Jacob asked.

Kellen kicked him under the table. “You know. That thing we always do eight hours before a concert?”

“Masturbate?” Jacob said in all seriousness.

Kellen touched his fingertips to his forehead and shook his head in disbelief. Owen sniggered, then chuckled, and then burst into laughter as if Jacob had just delivered the greatest punch line of all time. Yeah, Kellen definitely needed to let the man vent. He was about to explode.

Lindsey opened a drawer in the tiny kitchen area and rummaged through the contents. “Are there any baggies around here?”

“Not since Adam went straight,” Jacob said.

Owen laughed so hard, he was in danger of splitting both sides. Kellen slipped out of the booth and dragged Owen out behind him by the torn front of his shirt.

“Don’t worry about wrapping it up,” Kellen said, collecting his sandwich from Lindsey’s hand. “I’ll just carry it like this.” He took a huge bite and smiled at her. “Thanks,” he said with a full mouth. “I’m starving.”

He made sure that Owen was carrying his sandwich before he shoved him toward the door. Kellen wasn’t sure where he was taking Owen, but the bus was apparently the worst place for him at the moment.

“Do you need a ride to the hotel?” a man dressed in a black suit and tie asked as soon as they stepped off the bus.

“Yes,” Kellen said. “We need to take our bags to our rooms.”

“Is that the thing we always do eight hours before a concert?” Owen asked.

“No, we masturbate. Remember?”

Owen smiled and snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. In the back of the limo. Hope you have some tissues in the back seat,” he said to the limo driver, patting him hard on the shoulder.

Owen took a big bite of his sandwich and headed to the door that hid a baggage compartment under the bus.

“Don’t worry,” Kellen said to the stunned driver who visibly relaxed at Kellen’s placation. “I’m sure he has his own supply of tissues in his bag.”

“If not, I’ll just use your shirt.” Owen looked at Kellen and jerked, as if taken aback by his lack of shirt. “Where’s your shirt, bro?”

“Where do you think, Jizz-o-matic Plus?”

“Sorry about that. We really need to stock up on more tissues.”

When the driver was busy digging around in the trunk of the limo—probably for tissues—Owen and Kellen performed their secret victory handshake. Fucking with people was great fun. Owen had relaxed twenty-fold since they’d left Lindsey’s company. So how exactly did he plan to put up with the chick for the next three months—and if the baby did turn out to be his, put up with her forever?

Owen yanked Kellen’s overnight bag from the luggage compartment and handed it to him while he rummaged around for his own bag. By the time their baggage was in the limo’s trunk, the driver was in a panic.

“It seems I’m out of tissues,” he said.

“And I’m out of shirts,” Kellen said.

“That’s okay,” Owen said to the driver. “I’ll just use your sock. Hand it over.”

Kellen knew it would give up their juvenile gig, but he couldn’t help but laugh when the driver winced and then bent to remove his shoe.

“Dude!” Owen said, pounding the driver on the shoulder. “We’re just fucking with you. I don’t need your sock or a tissue.”

The driver’s shoulders sagged with relief.

“Kelly swallows.”

Kellen slugged Owen half-heartedly and took another bite of his sandwich before sliding through the open back door of the limo.

“That was a joke too,” he heard Owen say outside. “Lighten up a little, man.”

“I apologize, sir,” the driver said stiffly. “My regular passengers don’t usually joke about such things.”

“What do they joke about?”

“Uh, the stock market mostly, sir.”

“Hmm, I’m afraid I’m not sophisticated enough to joke about the stock market, but I do know a joke about a donkey, three potatoes, and a sailor.”

“Owen, get in the car,” Kellen said. He was glad Owen was more himself now that they were out of Lindsey’s presence, but he still wanted to have a serious conversation with him. If Owen ended up in an anus-and-fart-joke frame of mind, there was no way Kellen would be able to get him to have an adult discussion. He’d be too busy trying to make Kellen laugh.

Owen entered the car and sat next to Kellen. “Good sandwich,” he said and took another bite. “Anything to drink in the minibar?”

Kellen opened the small fridge to his left and fished out a pair of beers. “Are you comfy?” Kellen asked him as he handed him a cold bottle.

Owen squirmed around in his seat. “Yep.”

“Good. Start talking.”

“About what?”

“What happened after I left last night?” Kellen opened the twist top on his beer and took a long drag.

Owen told him about Lindsey showing up unannounced and Caitlyn beating a trail out of there as fast as she could go.

“She was really upset,” Owen said

“Because she likes you and she probably wonders how it can possibly work out between the two of you now that you have a baby on the way.”

“I don’t think it’s mine,” Owen said.

“Then why are you the one taking responsibility for it?”

“Because no one else would.”

“So you had to stick your neck out and be the nice guy? Owen, sometimes you have to put yourself first.”

“If you saw the look on Lindsey’s face, you’d have done the same thing. She’s better today. Last night, she had a complete emotional meltdown and everyone was treating her like she’s toxic.”

“And you’re treating her like that today.”

Owen winced. “I am? I’m not trying to. I just really don’t want this to mess up things with Caitlyn. I should have gone after her last night, not let her walk away. I was just completely stunned that she took it so hard.”

“Didn’t her husband have an affair with a younger woman?”

Owen nodded. “Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Lindsey is younger. And hot. And very pregnant. Maybe Caitlyn felt threatened.”

“She shouldn’t. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her all day. And I can’t seem to stop texting her and calling her. She’s going to think I’m a desperate loser.”

“Because you are.”

Owen’s response was to slug Kellen in the arm.

“So how are you going to be with Caitlyn when Lindsey’s around?” Kellen asked.

“I can be just friends with Lindsey.”

“You can be just friends with a hot woman who wants you?”

“Yeah.”

“Owen, if you really want to be with Caitlyn, you need to stay away from Lindsey as much as possible. She’s vulnerable and interested and you’re easy.”

“I’m not easy.”

Kellen lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, I’m totally easy. But I don’t have to be.”

“So what are you going to do with Lindsey?”

“We’ll get her a place to stay. Help her with medical bills and stuff. It’s not like we can’t afford it.”

“Are we sure she’s not just making up this whole thing so she can have a free place to stay?”

“You sound like Adam.”

“He does have a lot of experience with mooches. His father, for instance.”

“So what do you think we should do with her? We can’t just toss her out in the street. And there is no way she’s going on tour with us.”

Kellen sighed. There really was no easy solution to the problem. “We can set her up in a place in her hometown.”

“I mentioned that to her last night—tried to convince her that she’d be better off around her family and friends back home—and she cried for over an hour. Apparently her family has disowned her.”

“Oh.”

“I thought maybe my mom could keep an eye on her while we’re on tour. You know what Mom’s like. She loves these little charity cases.”

Kellen knew exactly what Owen’s mom was like. He’d been one of her charity cases, after all.

“Besides,” Owen continued, “Mom’s been bugging Chad for grandchildren ever since he proposed to Josie. Maybe this will get her off his case.”

“Because she already has a grandchild on the way?”

“It’s not mine. You were there. Was I wearing a condom?”

“Yeah.”

“End of story.”

Not necessarily, but Kellen figured it wouldn’t do any good to argue about the baby’s possible parentage. They’d just have to wait until this thing played out.

“So I guess you have this all figured out. You didn’t need to talk to me about it after all.”

“I always need to talk to you, Kelly. Seems I wasn’t the only one who had an adventurous time last night. How’d you do at the house?”

Kellen shook his head. “I never went inside. I was out on the beach, trying to throw away that damned cuff you gave me, when I heard a piano melody that lifted me out of the depression that’s been holding me under for five years.”

“A song? Is that how you met Dawn? I wondered how you hooked up with her.”

“She’s renting the house next to mine while she works; she says the sea inspires her compositions. I knocked on her door so I could hear the song she was working on.”

“And then you got busy with her.” Owen slugged him in the thigh. “You stud.”

“It was more than that. We talked and she shared her music with me and then…” Kellen winked at Owen. “Then I got busy with her.”

“When are you going to see her again?” Owen asked.

“Never.” It made his heart hurt to say it, but it had to be that way. There wasn’t a woman alive who deserved to make do with what was left of his heart. And someone like Dawn deserved a man who could give her the moon and stars. Devote every piece of himself to her happiness. He just didn’t have that much to give her. He’d already given it all to Sara.

“You’re an idiot,” Owen said.

“And you’re the relationship master?”

“I don’t deny that I suck at relationships,” Owen said, “but at least I’m trying.”

The limo pulled to a stop outside of the hotel. Kellen tossed his half-eaten sandwich into the seat and climbed out. He had tried. He’d opened himself up to Dawn faster than he’d let his guard down with anyone. Even Sara. Even Owen. But it just wouldn’t work. And if he fell in love with another woman and she left him—on purpose or through no fault of her own—then Kellen didn’t think he’d survive. How much of a heart did a man require to maintain a pulse? He was sure it was more than he had left to spare.

Chapter Twelve

Kellen pretended to watch I Love Lucy reruns while he hid in a hotel room with most of his band. Adam was sketching realistic-looking boobs as he used the hotel phone to schedule some debauchery with his woman in New Orleans. Gabe was tinkering with the mechanisms of some crazy invention that had Kellen cocking his head in confusion—what in the hell was that thing? Owen fiddled with his cellphone the entire evening to prove once and for all that he was a desperate loser. Jacob had never made it to the hotel. Kellen could only guess what he and Lindsey were up to back on the bus. Probably picking out baby names.

By the time they were sitting in the limo and headed back to the stadium, Kellen was ready to climb out of his skin. Why had he told Owen to dispose of Sara’s cuff? He had been fine without it when Dawn had been available to distract him, but now that he was alone with his thoughts, he found himself back in his ugly place. His very dark and oppressing ugly place. Should he call Dawn? He didn’t have her number. Should he drive back to Galveston after their show in New Orleans? No, he was sure she never wanted to see him again. And in his note to her, he’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested.

Except he was interested.

And he hated himself for the weakness.

“I’m going to punch you if you don’t get out of your funk,” Owen said. “I thought all your doom and gloom was caused by your lack of sex, but you got laid last night, so what gives?”

“You got laid last night?” Adam’s dark eyebrows shot up toward his hairline.

“Yeah, by an elegant, classy, redheaded babe,” Owen said.

“Were you there?” Adam asked.

Owen shook his head. “I Googled her.”

Kellen sighed in exasperation. “I’ve told you a million times that my funk, as you call it, has little to do with sex.”

“Then you must be doing it wrong,” Gabe said and ran a hand along the row of red-tipped hair spiked down the middle of his head.

“Probably,” Kellen said.

“If you need some inspiration, I could hook you up with some gadgets I… uh… bought,” Gabe said.

“He doesn’t need any gadgets.” Owen said. “He’s not seeing her again.”

If Kellen hadn’t been used to Owen spewing everyone’s business all the time, he probably would have hit him. He was in that bad a mood.

“Nothing wrong with getting your rocks off and splitting as soon as you can get away,” Adam said. “Before Madison, that was the only way I rolled.”

Kellen didn’t bother telling them that it wasn’t like that. He hadn’t actually wanted to leave Dawn. He’d felt that he’d had to, but his friends would probably take his denial as admittance. He’d rather not talk about last night or this morning and just forget about the whole thing. As if that were possible.

But he could pretend things were the same as they’d been for the past five years. They’d just think he was being moody.

At the stadium, several security guards escorted them inside. The backstage area was packed. The band was supposed to be entertaining a large group of VIPs. Luckily, most of them wanted to hang around with their lead singer, Jacob, who had no problem keeping two dozen women enthralled. The dudes in the crowd immediately surrounded either Adam—their guitar hero—or Gabe—the man behind the skins. Kellen was grateful that he went relatively unnoticed as he snuck past the crowd on his way to the dressing room. He had his eyes trained on the sign that said “Band members only. No guests.”

“Kellen!” someone yelled from the crowd behind him.

He froze. He knew that voice.

“Wait!”

Some kind of bizarre reverse psychology had him jogging toward the dressing room. Just before he stepped over the threshold into the safe zone, a hand caught his arm.

He took a deep breath and turned slowly to face her. Best get this over with.

He searched Dawn’s face for clues. What was she doing here? He backed into the dressing room. And guest or not, she followed him inside and closed the door behind her.

Dawn pressed a crumpled wad of paper into Kellen’s chest. Her eyes were alight with passion and fire.

She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“A Dear Dawn letter?” she spat at him. “We share the most amazing night of my life, and you leave me with nothing but a Dear Dawn letter?”

He was at a loss. Didn’t she understand that leaving that way had been the kindest thing he could have done for her?

“Take it back,” she demanded, shoving the paper harder into his chest. “Take it back, Kellen!”

He took the wad of paper from her hand, basking in the heat of her fury, blooming in her light. She was his fire. His Dawn.

“Did last night mean nothing to you?”

“It meant everything to me,” he said. And now that she was here, in all her radiant glory, he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t deny her. He couldn’t deny himself.

“Then why did you leave? Why, Kellen?” Her voice cracked, and she might as well have taken a hammer and chisel to his heart.

“Because,” he said breathlessly. “Because I’ll never have enough to give. I’ll never be enough. You deserve more than me, Dawn. Better than me. You deserve someone who can love you with everything he is, was, or will become. And I… I already gave that to someone else.”

“You don’t get to decide that, Kellen Jamison,” she said, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

He fought the urge to drag her into his arms and kiss her silent.

“Who I deserve is up to me, not you. I say you’re enough for me—you’re more than enough—so you are. If you don’t feel anything for me, that’s different; I’ll let you go if you want to go. But if you do feel something and the only reason you left is for my sake, I won’t stand for it. Do you understand? Walking away from me does not save me heartache, Kellen. It causes it.”

He looked away, wanting to believe they could be together or at least give it a Herculean effort, but he knew in his heart that he couldn’t make her happy. And more than anything, he wanted her to be happy. He never wanted to dampen her light or extinguish her fire. He couldn’t stomach the thought of doing that to her.

Her fingertips pressed over his pounding heart, and he wanted to push her hand away, wanted to turn his back on her, wanted to flee, but his fucking legs had forgotten how to move.

“Look me in the eye, Kellen, and tell me you don’t want to be with me, and I’ll leave.”

He forced himself to meet her phenomenal hazel eyes and opened his mouth to tell her to get lost for her own damned good, but his tongue was in total disagreement with his common sense.

“Nothing would make me happier than to be with you, Dawn O’Reilly.”

Her eyes lit up with hope. “Nothing?”

It was a loaded question, and he took a moment to contemplate it. Was there anything or anyone—living or dead—that made him happier than he was in this woman’s arms? The answer was surprisingly easy. He didn’t have to compare his time with Dawn to anything in his past, he just had to let himself enjoy her in the here and now. That was what was important. There was nothing wrong with loving Sara forever as long as he made a little room for someone new in his heart. With time, that little room might accommodate more, until he could let Dawn be his everything. But for now, at least they had someplace to start. Kellen’s emotional doom clouds scattered before Dawn’s radiance, his defenses crumbled, and he smiled at her. Really smiled. So wide it made his face hurt.

“Nothing,” he said in all sincerity.

“Good,” she said, “because I’m not above tying you to my bed until you come to your senses, Kellen Jamison.”

Lord, how he admired the fire in her.

He laughed, and it didn’t feel forced. It felt good.

“I could teach you a thing or two about tying a person to your bed,” he teased.

“I don’t want a person tied to my bed,” she said, stepping close, so that only inches separated their bodies. “Just you. And I’d rather not have to resort to restraining you. I prefer you free.”

He preferred that as well. Even if it proved a very slow process to free him of the bonds that held him back, he was ready to be untied.

Kellen wrapped his arms around Dawn and drew her against him, claiming her mouth in a slow, deep kiss. A part of him still struggled with finding intimacy with a woman who wasn’t Sara. Another part of him was shouting that kissing Dawn O’Reilly, adoring her, was wrong. But the best part of him told those other two parts to fuck off.

When they separated, he cupped her lovely face in both hands and just stared. He was so glad she’d had the courage to fight for this because he’d needed that little push to help see what was right in front of him.

“Say, Rockstar,” she asked, “what are you doing after the show?”

“Hopefully just one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I could go for that. And what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Going to New Orleans.”

“Are you planning to run away from me again?”

“No. I thought maybe you’d like to come with me.”

She smiled and kissed his lips gently. “Yeah, I could go for that too, Kellen.”

“You can call me Kelly.”

She tilted her head and stared straight into his soul, which always seemed to warm under her attention. “Yeah, you do look like a Kelly.”

Good, because he felt like one.