Текст книги "Dizzy"

Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn

Соавторы: Jolene Perry
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Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

Five

~Dylan~

I haven’t talked to the sellout, a.k.a., my brother, since he dropped his crazy bomb about taking the plunge into…holy matrimony. I don’t know why, but for some reason holy matrimony is easier to think than the M-word. It’s still screwed up–like something old people do. Or boring people. Or lonely people… Not a guy in college who still has all his mental faculties. Hence, temporary insanity being the only option here.

Does he remember what happened to Dad after Mom was gone? Did college wipe out his memories and what we swore to one another? I don’t get it. He’ll end up just as broken as Dad. He’s letting someone in just to risk losing them. It’s not worth getting stomped on. That’s what it feels like he’s doing to me, letting his foot come down on my head over and over, by forgetting the pact we made. What about the Gibson Boys?

My fingers tighten on the steering wheel. I’m almost home, so I turn up the music, hoping it will help me clear my head before I see him. He’s coming home for Christmas and bringing the old ball and chain with him. Guess a guy can’t spend time with his real family alone anymore.

Honestly, I don’t even know what to say when I see him. Part of me just wants to open the conversation with a punch to the head and hope it takes care of the insanity thing. Then we can skip the heart-to-heart altogether.

Maybe I can kidnap him. Drag his lame ass out of here and stage an intervention. We can go on the road and have fun, and he’ll forget he ever wanted a life sentence with his fian... fianc… I can’t even think the word.

“Damn.” I pull into my driveway and kill the engine. I’m freaking out here, and it’s kind of embarrassing. I think this girl is actually staying with us or something. We haven’t really had any girls here for longer than a few hours since Mom’s been gone. What if she starts running around the house with a towel on her head, yelling at Derrick to do this and that? And then he’ll wake up tomorrow and she’ll be gone.

Chill out, Dylan. This isn’t me. I don’t stress out like this. What’s the point? That’s what I need to try and remember now.

I climb the porch stairs. The door pulls open, and Derrick is standing there. He looks the same, just like me but older. Same black hair, same blue eyes, except mine are brighter. Girls always tell me I have nice, thick eyelashes, too. I don’t know about that, but they seem to like it. So I’m cool with it.

“About time you got your slow ass home. And don’t think I’m not pissed at you for ignoring my phone calls.” Derrick holds out an arm. I sort of want to be an ass and ignore him now, too, but I don’t. We give each other a half-hug before he moves out of the way to let me in. “I missed you, little brother.”

I push my way inside. My face is hot. My whole body is hot.

“I missed you, little brother?” My brain is yelling at my mouth to shut up, but I’ve never been good at listening to that warning. “That’s all you have to say after springing a wedding on me?”

Holy shit. I sound like parent. Or a spouse. Or a nutcase. Whatever it is, I don’t sound like Dylan, but I don’t care.

“Have you lost your mind? Or…” Damn! How did this not occur to me sooner? “You got her pregnant? You always made sure I had condoms. Wrap it or lack it remember? Forget how to use one, yourself?”

I’m lecturing my older brother. There is definitely something wrong with this picture. Again, my brain is screaming at me, but, dude… he got this girl pregnant?

Derrick holds up his hands and shakes his head. “Chill out, Dylan. You’re giving me a headache. Come on. Let’s go have a drink.”

I follow my brother through the kitchen. He grabs two sodas out of the fridge, and then we head out to the back porch.

“Dad home?” I ask him.

“Of course not,” he replies.

Funny, he can remember that but seems to forget why things are that way. He hands me the soda, which I take. “A Pepsi doesn’t make you seem any less crazy.”

I plop down in our porch chair. It’s cold as hell and a little drizzly. There’s a small puddle of water at the bottom of the stairs, and I watch as drops hit it and echo out. Why we couldn’t do this inside, I don’t know.

Derrick sits next to me. “She’s not pregnant, dumbass.” He thumps my head. I push his hand away.

“So you are crazy?”

He shakes his head and is quiet for a few seconds. He looks like he’s trying to figure out what to say, and I want to tell him just to spit it out. But before I get the chance, he opens his mouth and says, “I love her, bro. She’s awesome. You’ll like her, too.”

I scratch my neck, not sure what to say. Stupid, but I totally didn’t expect him to say that. I want him to tell me I’m right. Or that he made a mistake, or that she’s just fun or cool. Not that he loves her. He’s dumb to risk loving anyone.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s cool. It’s one thing to like a girl. I like a lot of girls. It’s one thing to think she’s cool, but married? Are you that whipped? Where’s your collar?” I try to make light of the moment when I really feel like I’m going to explode.

Derrick’s voice is tense when he says, “Watch it. I can still kick your ass and don’t think I won’t.”

Crossing my arms, I look away from him. I can’t believe he’s doing this. I can’t believe he’s bailing on us. On me. “What about the pact?” I finally ask. “We always said it was the Gibson Boys. That we wouldn’t let a girl come between us.”

I want an eraser to take the words away because they sound stupid and needy, but I want him to hear them, too. Want them to penetrate his thick skull so he can realize what he’s doing.

Derrick sighs. His eyes look all concerned, making me really want to get out of here. “She’s not going to come between us, and we were kids when we made that dumb pact. Come on, Dyl. I’m happy.”

Guilt body-slams me. He sounds happy, and I want that for him. He’s my brother after all, but how can I go along with this? We were all happy: me, him, Dad and Mom. Then one day we weren’t. Now we’re happy again, and I really don’t want to go back to the not.

“How long will you be happy? Everything was perfect before, and then it all fell apart.”

It takes him a couple minutes to reply. It feels like an eternity, and I wonder when I turned into such a stress case.

“Things weren’t perfect, D. You were young. You didn’t see, or you don’t remember, but—”

I hold up my hand to stop him. “Not going there. This is about you and the colossal mistake you’re about to make.” I need the subject to go back to him and not her because he’s wrong. Our life was perfect.

Derrick playfully shoves my arm. “It’s not a mistake. You’re my little brother. I want you to be cool with this. We’re going to need your help, ya know? There’s stuff we’ll need you to do—being the best man and all.”

This is the first I’ve heard about best man. Buying me off isn’t going to work. Then I start to feel bad. This is my brother, and he’s never really asked me for anything. He was there for me when Dad wasn’t. But why this? He wants my help to break something that he promised me.

It takes a few minutes, but finally he speaks again. “She’s not Mom, Dylan.”

Tears sting my eyes. When did I turn into such a pussy? Dad’s a workaholic. Derrick is a nutcase. And I’m turning into a sniveling baby. So much for the Gibson Boys.

“You’ll like her. She’s gorgeous, fun, smart, can outdrink my ass any day of the week. She’s good people.”

With the palm of my hands, I rub my eyes. Stupid, cold, rainy wind. “Whatever. Don’t think I’m happy about this. And don’t think I’m going to stop trying to get you to change your mind, but I guess she must be alright if you like her.”

Or not, but he doesn’t want to hear that. I push to my feet and before I know it, I’m tumbling off the porch and into the mud puddle I was just watching. Not hard and it wasn’t a big fall, but Derrick’s on top of me, shaking me.

“That’s what I like to hear. I knew you’d understand.”

I’m going to kill him. I push my brother, getting the best of him for the first time. Now I’m on top. And it’s still cold, and why are we wrestling in the rain? I don’t know, but it feels okay… almost normal.

“I don’t understand shit, whipped boy. I’m just not going to bail on you the way you’re bailing on me.”

Derrick pushes me again, and we break apart, both trying to find the best position to attack and get the better of each other.

“I’d never bail on you, and you know it. Just wait. One day you’re going find the right girl and fall so head over your ass in love, you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

“Not in a million years.” I lunge and tackle him to the ground. We’re both laughing and panting as we roll around on the cold-ass ground. He may be making a huge mistake, but he’s still the brother I know. I didn’t realize how much I missed him.

“You’ve gotten stronger.” He rolls away from me, chest heaving. Rain is hitting us in the face, but we don’t move.

“You’ve gotten softer. Is that what marriage does to you?”

Derrick laughs. “I’m not married yet, smart ass. I can’t wait until you realize how dense you are. It’s going to be a joy to watch.”

I open my mouth to tell him he’s lost his mind again, but we’re interrupted by a female voice. “Derrick? Oh—hey. Are you guys okay?”

There’s a pair of familiar green eyes looking down on me. I can’t place where I know them from, but there’s something about them I recognize.

“You must be Dylan.”

She holds out her hand, and I want to be lame about it and ignore her. But I don’t. I let her help me up.

“Hey. Nice to meet ya.” I look at the porch, the house, the ground, anywhere, but the girl who will always be there for Derrick, until one day she’s just gone.

It’s different to like girls than it is to get serious about them. Never get your heart involved. That’s what Derrick told me, and now he’s the one doing it.

“I rang the bell, but you guys didn’t answer.”

Derrick gives her a cheesy smile. “I told you just to come in, baby. My house is your house.”

I try not to gag.

“I’m Lora.” She’s looking at me. “You guys want some hot chocolate? I brought you some.” She holds up a thermos.

Hot chocolate? Hot chocolate? Does she think we’re five?

“Sounds good, baby.” He kisses her.

Yeah, totally whipped.

We get into the kitchen, and I’m wondering how this girl is just suddenly walking into my house.

“I feel really stupid for just suddenly walking in.”

Great. Apparently Derrick’s awesome, gorgeous woman also has ESP.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Derrick looks at her in a way I’ve never seen my brother look at anyone. I’m caught between wanting to vomit again, wanting to ask him, what about me, and also feeling a little good seeing him like this. He’s obviously into this girl, but still.

“Good hot chocolate,” I mumble, trying to break the connection. It actually is good, but whatever.

“Thanks!” Lora smiles at me.

Derrick was right, she is pretty. She seems nice enough, too, but nice doesn’t mean marriage and stabbing your brother in the back.

Lora stands. “Anyway, I just wanted to come and meet you before tonight. Derrick talks about you all the time.” Funny, he never mentioned her before the big announcement.

She looks at Derrick. “And to see you again.”

He gets this puppy dog look on his face. I’m afraid he’ll start humping her leg any minute. Can you say pathetic?

“I love you,” she tells him.

He gets a goofy smile on his face. “I love you, too.”

Has he told anyone he loves them since Mom? Have I? Suddenly, I hate her again, and the punch to Derrick’s head is sounding like a good plan.

***

Zila’s? What kind of name is that for a restaurant?

I pull the Hummer into the parking lot. I guess Lora’s mom owns this place. I had no idea this engagement party would really be a dinner at her family’s place. It feels like a point for their team, like we’re on their territory, and that kind of annoys me.

Lora and Derrick drove together, and I followed them over. I always drive my own car when I can. She turns to wave at me before walking inside. This girl is way too nice. Derrick heads my way, and I consider throwing him in the back and driving off.

Instead I get out and slam the door. See? I can be reasonable.

“I need you not to be an asshole tonight, D,” Derrick tells me.

“What? I’m not an asshole. Trying to impress the new family?” It pisses me off when he ignores the family part.

“Seriously. Don’t mess this night up for me, or I’ll kick your ass. You might even have fun. Lora has a sister around your age…”

Nice. Just what I need. Another overly nice, Team Marriage girl to deal with. This night just keeps getting better and better.

“Actually… forget about her sister. I mean, be nice to her, but I know you. Keep your hands off. Seriously.”

“What?” I push him. “Are you really trying to warn me off my future sister-in-law? First of all, I can find my own girls without trying to hit on someone at an extended-family function.” How weird is that? “Second, if she’s anything like Lora, I’m steering clear.”

Derrick suddenly looks like he wants to murder me.

“Nothing against her. Geez, simmer down Fight Club. I’m just saying, she’s not my type.”

I’m pretty sure this girl must have some magic power to seduce unsuspecting men, and the last thing I want is to get myself in the trap.

“Just come on, Lil D. I don’t want to be late. Dad already is.”

I try and put on my happy face for him. Until Dad gets here it will be on me to play nice. “Okay. I’m starving.”

We walk inside, and I’m still a little annoyed. But the place is pretty cool. A little more earthy-hippie than I go for, but black trim, good music, and funky printed wallpaper. Not bad.

Derrick introduces me to Lora’s Mom and Dad. Her dad looks pretty kicked-back, but her mom is running around like she’s hopped up on crack. She’s definitely the over-achiever of the group.

I find a corner and watch my brother smile and talk with his new family. He hasn’t let go of Lora’s hand once, and I wonder why–if he’s afraid she’ll be gone if he lets go or afraid he won’t be able to take care of her. It’s so strange to see Derrick looking all… domestic. It reminds me of after Mom was gone. How he stepped up to the plate and took care of me.

I shake my head. Definitely not going there.

Finally Dad arrives. He sees me in the corner and gives me a sad smile. And I get it. He understands how I feel and probably feels the same way.

He’s sucked up in the tornado of Lora’s family. Dad plays it perfectly, always smiling and talking the way a good lawyer can. I find myself wondering about the sister. Maybe she’s in the kitchen making hot chocolate.

A few minutes later they’re having us sit down at a long table for dinner. There’s an empty spot next to me, which I assume is for—holy shit! The sister is standing in the doorway. Green eyes, white T-shirt. No. No, no, no, no. Lora’s sister is Hanes?

Her gaze catches mine, and she stumbles a little, recognition lighting her face. Yeah, she remembers me, too. I’m not sure why I like that.

Then it’s The Look, and I can’t help but smile. This night might end up being sort of fun. I can’t wait to mess with her.

Six

~ Ziah ~

I can’t believe this is happening. What is hot party guy doing here?

This is not what I need today. It’s still hard to breathe after getting text number one million from both James and Alyssa.

James. Alyssa. Their names have been spinning through my head all afternoon. I don’t have the details, and I don’t want them. The only text I read from Alyssa says I’M SORRY.

Things between James and I haven’t been perfect, but they haven’t been bad either. My stomach turns over again. I’m still numb. In shock. Someone clears her throat, and I’m brought back to the present—the part of me that’s still functioning anyway.

My eyes go from Derrick, attached to Lora’s side, to party guy, back to Derrick. Same blue eyes. Same almost-black hair. Same smug smirk. Oh. No. She is NOT marrying into that family. Half the table is staring at me. Right. I should probably move.

Lora gives me her best exasperated, wide-eyed, clench-jawed look that says I’d better find a way to get to my seat. But the only chair is sandwiched between Dad and hot party guy.

Not good.

My phone beeps with another text, which almost pushes me into another round of tears. I’m not crying at the table so I pull in a deep breath, keep my eyes focused, and take the seat next to Dad. No reason for this guy to think I even recognize him.

“Hey, Dad.” Dad smells like hospital, as always, and his dark blond hair is in serious need of a cut. I lean into him, bumping our shoulders together, and try to pretend everything’s perfect.

“Hey, sweetie.” Dad pecks a kiss on my temple.

“Ziah.” Lora’s smile is too bright, and her eyebrows are seriously threatening to take over her hairline.

“Yes?” I smile back, really glossing it on. Can’t she see it’s more than the stupid wedding I’m upset over? She’s my sister. She should see this isn’t all about her.

“This is Derrick’s brother Dylan.”

“Derrick and Dylan. Cute.” But then my eyes meet Derrick’s dad’s, and I feel like crap for making a comment about their names.

His hair’s as dark as theirs, and he looks like the cover of some over-priced menswear magazine. These guys seriously won the genetics lottery.

I take a long drink from my champagne before turning to look at Dylan. Then I say, “Hey. I’m Ziah.” He doesn’t need a hand. Who knows what he’d spill on me this time.

“Cool name.” He smirks.

Is he seriously making fun of my name? Never mind that I made fun of his and his brother’s names—seriously, theirs match. Mine is awesome. Anyway, I don’t have to like him. His brother is messing up my sister’s plan.

“Yeah. Thanks.” I pick up my champagne again. Not that I’m a big drinker, because I’m not. But I think the occasion is extreme. I’m also a bit surprised Mom’s risking giving me a glass. I’m sure some inspector someone wouldn’t be happy about it, but right now, I’m not about to question.

Lora kicks me under the table, and I almost call her on it. But the death glare I’m getting says I’d better keep my mouth shut. I down the rest of my champagne. Dad raises an eyebrow, but I pretend not to see.

Okay, so I might have sort of freaked out on Lora before the party. And her fiancé might have heard part of it because they were on the phone, and I might have stayed in the kitchen way longer than I needed to (seeing as I can barely make toast) just to avoid the dinner. But she didn’t have to torture me by putting me next to hot party guy, who smells freaking delicious and has the most awesome eyes I’ve ever… Crap. I need to stop.

My phone buzzes with another text. Alyssa this time. I delete it without reading and pull a shaky breath in to keep from crying.

It’s pretty egotistical for Lora to think I was upset over her anyway. I lost James. And the worst part about it is that he should have been the safest guy ever. Him and Alyssa? What have they done? Is it still going on? Was it a one-time thing? A many-times thing? How far did they go? That thought makes me feel like someone just dropped me out of a plane.

My phone buzzes. Another text. I’m almost afraid to check, but it’s Lora. Amazingly, she seems like the safest choice right now.

LORA: BEHAVE

ME: R U KIDDING ME? I KNOW HIS BRO. DO U KNOW WHO UR MARRYING?

Lora scowls as she reads my note, and then she starts frantically texting. Mom and Dad are probably telling some embarrassing story because there’s chuckling around the table, but Lora and I have business.

L: HOW ON EARTH DO U KNOW DYLAN?

ME: WE MET AT A…

Crap. Now what?

STUDENT FUNCTION.

I hit send.

She snorts from across the table. Yeah, I didn’t think she’d buy it. We don’t go to the same school.

Dylan sounds like he’s holding in a chuckle. I glance his way to see him and his brother give each other the look that Lora and I usually exchange when something’s going on.

“Ziah?” Mom leans forward. Her in a chair at her own restaurant is a bit of a miracle.

“Yes?” I lean forward, and Dad nearly tips his chair back trying to get out of the way. Guess there’s sort of a mood around the table.

Now I’m getting the glare of death from Mom.

Perfect. Does everyone think I’m so immature that I’m overreacting this badly to a wedding? I mean, I’m not for it, and I think they’re making a huge mistake, but seriously.

I slump down in my chair and make a point of shoving my phone into my pocket so Lora can see. Neither of them asks why my day’s sucking. At the same time, opening my mouth to say that James at some point hooked up with Alyssa… or is maybe still hooking up with Alyssa…

I wish I had more champagne.

Dylan leans toward me, and I breathe in like an idiot. “Having fun?”

He so knows Lora and I were texting. I don’t make eye contact, just lean back. Anger is better than hurt.

“Where’s your armrest?”

“Armrest?”

“The one decorated like…nevermind.” He knows who I am. I could see it across the table before I sat down.

He stops. He’s probably counting back girls to remember who on Earth he was with.

“Have you been thinking about me, Hanes?” He chuckles.

“You wish.” Hanes? I open my mouth to ask as my fingers twitch, as I wonder what the chances are of my getting a refill on my champagne glass.

“Maybe.” He’s smiling like this is all some big joke.

It’s not a joke. I don’t want to think about him, and I don’t want him to want me to think about him. I also don’t want Lora to get married. And I don’t want Alyssa to be with James. The thought of it digs at my chest. And this hot guy is just messing with me for fun.

Wait. I turn to face him. “What did you call me?”

“What?”

Ha. I’ve thrown him.

“What did you call me?” I ask again.

He glances up at his brother, who’s nuzzling Lora’s neck again. Gag.

Maybe Alyssa and James did that. Maybe they hated that I was in the middle of what they wanted. I swear my stomach is turning inside out. I can always eat. Always. But I have zero appetite tonight.

Dylan stares at his plate for a sec, looking almost… sad? Mad? I do not want to feel bad for this guy. He’s on the enemy side. I don’t know what’s going on, and I need air. My chair scoots back so fast, I almost tip over. Mom’s eyes are on me.

“Ladies’ room,” I spit out as I almost trip over myself getting around the table. What’s my problem? It’s just Lora and some hot guy, and James and Alyssa. And just… Hanes. What does that mean?

If hot party-guy’s brother is ready to settle down, what does that say about the guy who was supposed to be solid and steady, and who apparently hooked up or something with Alyssa? He has things he needs to apologize for, and she’s my best friend! Tears start pushing at my eyes, but I don’t want to cry. I actually wore mascara.

I lean over the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. Okay. I have to pull it together.

“Grow up, Ziah,” Lora’s voice echoes in the small space.

I spin to face her. How doesn’t she get I’m upset about way more than her stupid wedding? I open my mouth to tell her about James, but I can’t do it. She’s been with me all afternoon and hasn’t asked once about what has me down.

Instead I jump to offense. “I’ve met Dylan. You do NOT want to be part of that family. Is it for the money? Because—”

“I’m stopping myself from slapping you right now.” Lora yells. “I’m in love, Ziah. Deal with it and get your ass back to the table please. It’s weird.”

And with that she turns and walks out. I leap out to follow her, so it’ll look more like we just had a little girl talk and less like my sister’s pissed. We both find our smiles before making it back to the table, and our food’s there.

Something to do. Too bad I’m not sure if I can eat, because Mom’s restaurant rocks. All comfort food with a gourmet twist. Zila’s – Half me (Ziah) and half my sister (Lora). I’m a little too proud that my part of the name comes first. But now that I have my meal, the mac and cheese with bacon just looks like lumps, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to swallow it down.

“So. We have one more small announcement.” Lora smiles, but Derrick has this really odd, nervous look on his face.

“I knew it! You’re pregnant, aren’t you!” The words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them.

Dylan tenses next to me. Dad chokes. Dylan’s dad coughs. Mom throws me another knock-it-off look around the front of Dad.

“God. Ziah. No.” Lora rolls her eyes. “Drop it with that already, would you?”

Right. I may have brought it up this afternoon while buried under a stack of bridal magazines.

“We’re taking winter semester off to plan the wedding and spend some time with our families!”

Derrick touches her cheek again. Both Mom and Dad stiffen, and I sit back because I won’t need to say anything now. The voices around the table reach an odd level of tense excitement I plan on tuning out. Mom and Dad might be relaxed about a lot of things, but graduating from college is not optional. Not if you want to be on speaking terms with them.

I close my eyes and wonder what on earth went wrong with James and me. How could he have wanted more from me, when something was happening with him and Alyssa? I want to talk to her so badly, but I can’t. She’s one of the guilty parties.

Finally the voices at the table are animated enough that I open my eyes. Dylan’s just sitting back like I am and letting it happen. Huh. Maybe he’s not into this whole wedding thing either. Oh. Of course. One girl for the rest of his brother’s life. Dylan probably can’t imagine that—it would probably be like going without air for someone like him.

Dad’s talking. Mom’s talking. Dylan’s dad is talking, and Derrick and Lora look like they’re being pounced on. Ha. That’ll teach them.

“Wait. What?” Dylan’s leaning so far forward he’s about to lose his chair. “Did I just hear what I think I heard?”

Oh. Crap. Maybe I should have been paying attention.

“I know Ziah’s in.” Lora’s smile is way too forced, and her green eyes are on mine. “We plan on jumping in again tomorrow over her favorite muffins.”

I’m sure she’s trying to give me some clue by stressing favorite muffins, but I’m not in the frame of mind to figure it out.

“I’m sorry, what?” In what? What am I supposed to be in? Dylan looks equal parts pissed and disbelieving.

“Helping plan the wedding.” I swear her smile stretches even farther—something I didn’t think was possible until a minute ago.

I choke, which turns into a cough, which turns into a giggle. And then into one of those giggle fits there’s no way I’m getting out of. I know I let loose a couple of snorts, and the more everyone looks, the harder I laugh. It’s just so absurd. I’ll be about as helpful as a twelve-year-old boy. And my emotions are so mixed up, my body has no idea how to react anymore.

The thought of spending any more time looking at another overly floofed wedding dress makes me want to puke—especially because I feel like I sort of lost my friend and my boyfriend in one text.

“I’ll be okay,” I say, as I wave my hand in front of my face trying to calm down, but my voice comes out all whiny because I can’t stop laughing.

Me. Plan a wedding. Right. Math I can do. Dissecting pigs for biology I can do. Wedding? I don’t thread needles. I can’t even make mac and cheese, and no one would ever ask me for my handwriting on a sign at school. I don’t do dresses, and I don’t understand weddings.

Then Dad’s hand touches me as he rubs my back up and down, and I finally start to calm down. The whole table staring at my red face sobers me further.

“Please,” Lora mouths at me across the table.

I sit up and pull in a few breaths. “Yea. I’m in.” I give her a look that says she SO owes me later, but I’m still taking odd breaths to keep my hysterics in check.

“Umm, I’m not,” Dylan pipes up. “What do you mean, help plan a wedding? Can’t you pay someone for that? First you spring this on me, and then you expect me to jump onboard and be a designated wedding planner? You can pick your own flowers.”

He leans back in the chair and crosses his arms. His words come out angry, but the way he looks at his brother… it’s almost as if he’s hurt. I feel a little bad for him, but I don’t want to feel bad for the guy who ruined my favorite T-shirt and threw the party that changed everything between me and James.

“Dylan… We want to do this together. With your help. You’re my brother. I need you by my side in this.”

Even I wouldn’t be able to say no to the way Derrick’s looking at him. Bet he trapped my sister with that same look. I could swear I notice Dylan shaking. What is he thinking? I never would have expected he’d be this upset.

“We’ll talk about it later,” their dad jumps in.

Dad clears his throat and makes a few more comments about how Lora had better keep on track, and that taking a semester off is a big deal. They’re back to a normal level of conversation, and I’m back to my food and planning in my head how I’m going to make Lora pay for what she’s about to do to me.

I don’t look at Dylan while I eat. I just sit and eat… Well, nibble. Mom, Dad, Derrick, Lora, and Dylan’s dad are all chatting like no one freaked out, like no one’s getting married way too young and taking a semester off of school.

Dylan is just as silent as me.

***

The moment I can get away with it, I hide in the kitchen. Mom’s there minutes later, afraid to leave her cooks for too long.

“Can I have the car and go home?” I ask.

“Say goodbye to your sister first.”

I don’t mean to, but I snort.

“Come on, Ziah. You could have at least tried to be nice after Derrick overheard you calling your sister stupid for wanting to get married.”

I slump in my chair that sits at my favorite little corner of Mom’s kitchen, because it wasn’t just that. Lora knows me. She’s always the first person to know when bad things happen, and she didn’t even ask. She just assumed I was upset because of her.  Being engaged has already turned her into a self-centered bridezilla.

“Fine.”

And wedding planning, watching those two together. Gag. Hurt pushes into my heart. I don’t want to be around anyone in love after losing James. It just sucks.

I open my mouth twice to say something about James and Alyssa, but nothing comes out. I blink away a few tears as I leave the kitchen.

There’s a small area outside to eat, but most people don’t go out in the winter because it’s too cold. When I step out, I almost run into Dylan’s back before stopping. His eyes are on Derrick and Lora holding hands and standing close in front of Derrick’s car.