Текст книги "Rock the Beat"
Автор книги: Michelle A. Valentine
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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
Chapter 15
It Is What It Is
HOLLY
I prop my leg up on Max’s seat and rest my elbow on my knee as he drives me home. What the hell is happening? Is nothing in my life the way I thought? Jackson is a fucking wacko, Trip isn’t who I thought he was, and does my dad have an incurable disease he’s been hiding from me?
Tears I can no longer fight back burn my eyes and my face crumples as a sob escapes me. This is all too much. I can’t take it. There’s nothing left to do but cry.
“Hey?” Max rubs my back. “You okay?”
I shake my head against my leg. “No.”
The thought of losing everyone I’ve ever cared about in one day hits me hard. Dad is everything to me. The one person I can always count on to be there for me. What am I going to do if what Grace says is true and he’s dying? I can’t lose him. Suddenly there’s no air and I find myself gasping.
“Hold on, Holl,” he says as he pulls the car over. Once we’ve stopped, I hear the seatbelt come loose. Max wraps his arm around me and attempts to tug me into a hug, but I won’t budge. “It’s going to be all right.”
“How do you know?” I cry. “Grace says my dad has HIV and Trip has just been using me. My life is fucked.”
I give in and allow him to pull me against him. “You don’t even know if what Grace said is true. Talk to your dad before you go into hysterics.”
I nod. “You’re right. I need to calm down.”
We’re silent for a moment, but then Max asks, “As far as Trip goes, I’m sure he has his reasons. Can you imagine what it must be like for him—everyone always wanting something from him because of who he is? He’s probably tired of all that. You should be open to what he has to say before you pass judgment, Holl. He’s been nothing but awesome to us…well, except for that first night in the bar. He was a little douchey to you then, but other than that…very cool.”
I pull back and wipe my face with my hand. “You don’t think he’s just using me for sex?”
Max shakes his head. “Jackson was the one that was doing that, not Trip. If he were just using you he wouldn’t have stuck around as long as he has, not to mention kicking Jackson’s ass to help me out. Do you know how big of a risk that was for him to do that for me? He risked being exposed to save me from a beating, and he didn’t even hesitate. If the press gets a hold of what happened it could trash his reputation and get him labeled as a loose cannon. That’s a good man in my book.”
This is true. Jackson would never have stuck his neck out for a friend of mine like Trip did, and we were together for two years. It still doesn’t answer the lingering question in my gut. “But he’s a fucking rock star. What in the hell is he doing wasting his time with me? He can have any woman he wants.”
Max gives me a sad smile and touches the underside of my chin. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, blondie. You’re an incredible person. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and have one hell of a mouth on you. If I were straight, believe me, I’d be chasing you like crazy.”
I laugh. “If you were straight, I doubt you’d be this sweet.”
He chuckles. “You’re right. I’d probably gross you out on a daily basis with my tactics to get into your pants.”
“Eww,” I say and shake my head. “Don’t ever insinuate you want to get into my pants again. It’s creepy.”
“Deal.” He pulls back and smiles. “You ready to go home now?”
I lean my back against the seat. “Yeah. I need to get to the bottom of everything.”
“Things will work out, Holl. Have faith.”
Max hugs me goodbye and wishes me luck as he pulls up next to my house.
I shut the car door behind me and stare up at the house I’ve lived in all my life. The light is on in the living room. Dad is no doubt waiting to hear about the details of what happened down at the police station. He has no idea that the scrap that took place here today won’t be the main topic of our conversation when I come home.
If what Grace says is true, I’m not sure how I’m going to react. The thought of my father not being on this earth anymore is something I can fathom.
I glance around as Max pulls out of the driveway. The Mustang isn’t here, which is a relief. I don’t think I can deal with both issues at once.
I force myself up the steps and onto the porch. The doorknob is smooth in my grasp, but I can’t bring myself to turn it. Fear engulfs every inch of me and I begin to tremble. Turning around and avoiding the entire situation crosses my mind, but I know I can’t let this go forever. It’s not in my nature to move on without resolving an issue.
Before I have the chance to open the door on my own, Dad opens it from the inside. “Holly?” His eyes search the gravel lot behind me. “Honey, why are you just standing out there all alone? Where are Trip and Max?”
“Max gave me a ride home and I’m not sure where Trip is.” I stare over his shoulder into the house, and suddenly the thought of being cornered in there, hearing some possible life-shattering information, seems too much. I gesture to the bench seat on the porch. “Can we sit?”
“Sure.” Dad steps outside, concern written all over his pale face. The shadows created from the porch light make his cheekbones seem even more sunken. My eyes study his unsteady gait as he walks over and takes a seat.
He’s definitely weaker than I’ve ever seen him. I think deep down I stopped believing this was the flu a couple of months ago. No ordinary cold lasts this long. To be honest I was afraid he had cancer. Never in a million years did the idea that he might have a terminal illness that resulted from a sexually transmitted disease. But, I guess most people wouldn’t consider that.
I walk over and take a seat next to him so I can position myself to look directly into his eyes. “I saw Mom down at the station.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Oh? What was she doing down there?”
I take a deep breath. “She was getting booked again, but that’s not what I—”
“Damn it,” Dad mutters. “I told her I was out of money to bail her out. I’m going to have to figure out a way to get her out of there.”
Just like Grace predicted. “Would you listen to yourself? Why can’t you just leave her in there? She’s exactly where she needs to be—a place where she can’t hurt herself or someone else. Grace needs to stay in there and get help.”
Dad shakes his head. “We’ve been over this before, honey. I can’t leave her in there.”
“Why?” I challenge him, wanting him to admit what I already know is likely to be true. “Why is she your responsibility to take care of?”
“Holly…” his voice trails off like he would like nothing better than for me to drop the topic.
“No, Dad. I’m tired of her using you and getting away with it. She’s ruined this track with her constant need for money for her habit and when she gets locked up for them. I want you to stop saving her,” I demand.
“I can’t!” His eyes grow wide like he can’t believe he just yelled at me. “Don’t you see that I can’t?”
Tears burn my eyes and I fear that Grace’s lies maybe the truth. “No. Tell me it’s not true.”
Dad’s blue eyes soften. “Did she tell you?”
My bottom lip trembles and my entire body begins to shakes. “So it’s true. You really have.”
“Yes. I’m HIV positive,” he says and his face twists.
“No.” I shake my head furiously as my body grows numb. “No! Why did you allow her to give this to you? How could she do this?”
I break out into a full sob as I clutch my throat. That selfish bitch. She can rot in that cell for all I care.
Dad grasps my hand in his. “We didn’t know she had it until it was too late. She contracted it after she had an affair when you were just a toddler. We were still together at the time, and she wasn’t aware that she had it. After the doctors told her she was HIV positive, she left us. Your mother has had to live with the fact that she’s given us both a death sentence because of sleeping with someone outside our marriage. The day Grace left, she told me looking at you everyday was more than she could take. She knew you’d lose both your parents because of her stupidity. That’s why she got herself mixed up in drugs. Not that I condone her method of dealing with our reality, but I understand why she does it. The guilt takes a toll.”
Tears stream down my face. This isn’t happening to me. When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?
Dad squeezes my hand. “I know this is all hard for you to understand because you only know her as this low-life drug addict, but she loves you, Holly. She always has. She begged to come back home so many times, but I always refused because she couldn’t give the drugs up.”
“Did she even try,” I whisper.
A solemn expression fills his face. “Many times. Grace was never one with strong enough willpower to resist something she really wants.”
I search his face. “Why didn’t you tell me once I was old enough to understand?”
“I didn’t want you to know about our health condition. I didn’t want you to live in constant fear that we were going to die. It’s tough being a kid. You didn’t need this burden on your shoulders too. I love you, Holly. I’ll always want to protect you.”
I throw my arms around his neck. The bones in his thin shoulder press against my hands. He’s lived with this secret while it’s slowly been killing him before my eyes. I wish he would’ve told me about this, but I’m not sure knowing earlier would’ve made this any easier. All I can do is cherish every single day I have left with him on this earth. “I love you too, Dad.”
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I’m glad you know. It takes a huge weight off my shoulders,” he says as he pulls back and kisses my cheek. Dad’s entire body shivers. “It’s getting chilly. I have to head back inside. Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
I shake my head. “No, thanks. I think I want to sit out here for a while.”
He pats my leg and shoves himself off the bench. “Take your time, honey. I know it’s a lot to take in.”
The moment Dad leaves my sight, and goes back into the house, I bolt from the house. Headlights shine on me as I fly across the parking lot. I run as fast and as hard as my legs will take me. My dad is my entire world right now, and everything about the house, the shop and the track remind me of him. I have to get away. I need to clear my head so I can process all this shit. My brain can’t take much more.
The air whooshes from my lungs as I reach the field on the other side of the track and trip over a rock. The solid ground scrapes my arms and hands as I land hard, face first. That’s when I can no longer hold back my tears. They flow like hot lava down my face and I roll onto my side and allow myself this time to grieve. And it’s not just for my dad being sick, it’s for the loss of my mother and how she’s making me handle this all alone.
A hard sob escapes my lips just as strong hands wrap around my shoulders and lean me up. Trip is sitting on his knees in the dirt with his eyebrows pulled in and a slight frown in his face. The concern in his eyes chokes me up. He’s the last person I expected to try and comfort me. After all, we aren’t exactly on the best of terms right now.
I open my mouth to tell him to go away, but no words come out. Instead I wrap my arms around him and cry into his shoulder. The way he wraps his arms around me, like he’s going to protect me forever makes me cry harder. Now that I know he’s a mega-star, the reality hits me that he’ll be leaving me soon too. I’ll be left here completely alone.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers and folds me in his arms even tighter. “I’ve got you.”
“It’s true. Grace was right.” I cling to him like my life depends on it. “I can’t lose him, Trip. He’s all I’ve got.”
“You’ve got me.” He strokes the back of my head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep,” I say as I close my eyes and burrow myself into the crook of his neck.
Trip pulls back and cradles my face in his hands. “I’ll always be here for you.”
I try to pull away because the intensity in his stare is almost more than I can bear. “Trip…how can that be true? I’m a nobody and you’re some famous rock star. You won’t want to be with me forever.”
“You’re everything to me. Can’t you see that you’re it for me? You’re perfect for me, Holly. I never understood love, not really, not until you. I like myself better when I’m with you. You and me—we’re perfection,” he whispers. “My feelings for you will never change.”
My heart melts at the sound of his words, but the reality of how easily he could change his mind gnaws at the pit of my stomach. “What happens when someone better comes a long?”
His lips pull into a tight line. “There’s no one on this earth that can compare to you. I love you, Holly.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. The look in his green eyes tells me he means every word of what he’s saying. I can’t deny that I’ve had some pretty strong feelings for him too. How can I not tell him I feel the same way after he’s laid out his feelings so clearly. He deserves my complete honesty after that.
I open my eyes to meet his gaze. “I think I love you too.”
He grins. “Think, huh? That’s a start, I guess. But just so we’re clear, I know that I love you.”
That causes me to smile and it feels good to hear that after so much crying and sadness. “I love you too.”
“That’s much better,” he murmurs against my lips before I fade into his kiss.
Chapter 16
Light Up the Sky
TRIP
Holly’s dainty hand fits perfectly in mine as we walk around the track hand in hand. It’d taken an entire day of convincing, but she finally allowed me to dump some money into this place to get it ready for the race this weekend.
I throw my arm around her shoulders as we watch a crew repair parts of the track and build the stage for the band to perform. “This is going to be so awesome. I’m excited.”
She smiles up at me. “Me too, but I still feel like it’s wrong to allow you to spend so much of your own money on this place.”
I kiss the tip of her nose. “I’m a partner, right? I look at spending my money here as investing in a business I co-own. You being my girl doesn’t affect that.”
She runs her hand down my back and raises an eyebrow when she grabs my butt. “Are you sure?”
I nip her bottom lip. “Afraid so, but you know that I would give you the world if you asked.”
She grins. “Who knew the smart-assed player I met a month ago would be so sweet.”
I chuckle. “Not me. I didn’t know this part of me still existed until you brought it back out of me.”
“I like knowing I’m the one who makes you so sweet.” She rises up and presses her lips to mine.
“Okay, that’s enough of that.” Holly stiffens at the sound of my brother’s voice and turns around. Tyke stands there in his dark jeans, and gray t-shirt, his blonde hair spiked in every direction. He shoves his hands deep in his pockets and smiles as he checks out my girl. “This must be Holly.”
She tucks herself into my side and rests her hand on my stomach. “You must be Tyke.”
Tyke’s gaze cuts to me and he laughs before it returns to Holly. “How’d you know?”
She shrugs. “Lucky guess.”
Holly’s cell buzzes in her back pocket. After she checks the screen, she glances up at me. “Dad’s calling. He’s probably reminding me we have to get going to his appointment.”
I nod and kiss her forehead. “Don’t let us keep you. We’ll be here when you get back.”
“Okay,” she tells me before turning in my brother’s direction. “I guess I’ll see you later?”
Tyke smiles. “You can count on it.”
A light breeze blows Holly’s blonde hair as she walks toward the house, swaying her hips. I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s like a magnet and the attraction between us is crazy. Man, I hate to be apart from that girl, but I love watching her walk away. Her ass has to be one of my most favorite body parts.
Tyke steps beside me and he turns to catch the same view I have. “Now I know why you haven’t been returning my calls.”
I laugh. “Sorry about that. I’ve been a little preoccupied.”
“I can see that.” He glances over at me. “It’s good to see you happy again. It just sucks you had to find it on the other side of the country.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “That’s going to be rough. She’ll never leave this place or her father. I wouldn’t ask her to either. Leaving her here is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I don’t know how Noel and Riff do it.”
“They’ll be glad to hear that you’re finally sympathetic to them needing so much time off,” Tyke teases.
I rub my forehead. “I gave them a lot of shit for getting themselves tied down once it started affecting the band’s schedule. It seemed insensitive to us because we still lived and breathed just the band.”
“And now…” he prods.
“Now I get it. I don’t want to leave Holly here. Leaving her will kill me,” I admit.
“You love her,” his voice is as sure as the words he speaks. He’s always known me better than anyone else.
“I do.” I don’t even hesitate when I answer because I know I’ve never said anything truer in my life.
Tyke nods. “It seems that we’re all changing, going in different directions in life. I suspected this would happen one day. I just never imagined it would happen while we’re still on top.”
I furrow my brow. “What are you talking about? Short vacations don’t mean the band is breaking up. You need to get that thought out of your head. We’re all finding something else to love other than just the band and music. Don’t you see that we’re all finally starting to live our lives? No one is calling it quits.”
I don’t understand his line of thinking. My brother may be great at seeing the bigger picture in most things, but he’s way off base on this one. No way will Black Falcon ever break up. That’s just fucking insane.
Tyke gives me a sad smile. “I hope you’re right, baby brother.” He claps me on the back. “Come on. Give me the grand tour of your new business.”
We spend the next couple of hours walking the dirt track, checking out all the rabbit hills, doubles and tabletop jumps. This place is really coming together. When you see it from this perspective, it really is amazing how much easier and quicker money makes things. Everything is newly painted and the porch on Holly and Bill’s house is finally complete, along with the office being sandblasted. I even have a few computer nerds on the property hooking up new electronic equipment all over the place.
Shit is really coming together. Not only here at Mountain Time, but with Bill and Holly as well. The initial shock of Bill’s diagnosis was hard for Holly, and I’m not sure she’s quite over it yet, but I think once she gets involved in his medical care that will help. Holly is a fixer, so she’ll want to know all the details about her father’s condition and ways she can help ease his discomfort.
She’s never once mentioned her mother to me again. I think there are some things a person just can’t forgive. Maybe with time and a lot of soul-searching she’ll figure out that situation on her own, but I’m not going to push her. It’s her choice if she wants to reconcile with her mother. I don’t know if I ever would if I were in her position.
I guess only time will tell.
As we’re walking back toward the office, Tyke asks, “What’s going on with the beats for the new tracks? Have you worked on them at all?”
I shove my hands into my pockets. “I’ve thought about a few of the songs, but I have to be honest, man, my mind has been on other things lately.”
“Things as in Holly,” he says filling in the blanks. “I suppose I should’ve accepted that. When we talked about her on the phone, I figured she was your main priority at the moment. Riff and Noel haven’t worked on anything either.”
The disgruntled tone in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed. “Are you pissed? We still have loads of time. You know shit will come together and flow once we’re in the studio. Don’t sweat it.”
“That’s the problem, Trip. I’m the only one of us that does sweat it. I write the songs and ninety percent of the time, I’m the one who develops the melody too. It wasn’t always like that. I remember a time when all of you wanted to chip in and put in the work to make the album kick ass.” He scrubs his hand down his face.
I stop dead in my tracks and turn towards him. “Is that why you’re really here so early—to lecture me about not working hard enough on the album?”
“That’s part of the reason.”
I flinch and let out an exasperated laugh. “You’ve got to be joking. Have you lectured the other two about this, or are you only going to single me out as usual.”
“No, I plan on telling them too,” Tyke answers.
“Good. If I’m going to get a talking to, then they should to. You should’ve been elected band leader. God knows Noel doesn’t do much with his power except exploit it for his own personal gain.”
He shakes his head. “No. I’m responsible for enough as it is and quite frankly, I’m tired of it.”
Alarms go off in my brain. Fuck. I don’t like where this conversation is leading. “What do you mean, Tyke? What are you not telling me?”
Tyke takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m thinking of leaving the band.”
“WHAT?!” My heart bangs against my ribs. I can’t believe what I’m fucking hearing. “What the fuck do you mean? Wha—I don’t…I mean…Damn it! Why?”
He frowns. “I’m ready to branch out and do my own thing for a while. I want to be able to perform the music that I write, the exact way I envision it in my mind.”
I throw my hands up. “You can do that right now. Running off and starting over isn’t the answer.”
He tilts his head. “It is, Trip. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while now, and this is the perfect time to branch out on my own. I’m not saying I’ll leave the band forever. I just need a break, like the rest of you, only my break from Black Falcon won’t be because of a woman.”
Every fiber in my body buzzes with emotion, and for the first time in a long while, I feel like crying. “I’m begging you to not do this. It will ruin everything.”
He places his hand on my shoulder. “It’s all going to work out. You’ll see. Thousands of bass players will line up to fill in for me. You guys won’t even miss a beat.”
I stare into my brother’s eyes and see the conviction in them. He wants to do this. Who am I to deny him of his new dream? Nothing lasts forever, and I guess even identical twins need their own space.
I sigh. “When do you plan on telling the others?”
His lips pull into a tight frown. “I don’t know. It’s going to be soon, though. I think it may be after we record the new album. Don’t say anything. I owe it to them to be the one to tell them.”
I swallow down the lump building in my throat. “It seems like you’ve already made up your mind.”
“I think I have. This is something I need to do.”
“Then you should do it. It’s not like we wouldn’t take you back. You can try a solo gig and then come back after you’ve gotten it out of your system,” I reason.
“Yeah…” Tyke clears his throat. “We’ll see.”
Before we can delve any further into the topic, the Mustang pulls down the driveway. Holly liked that car so much I went ahead and bought it for her. You would’ve thought I’d given her the moon with how crazy she went when I’d handed her the title and the keys. It’s an amazing feeling to have someone who appreciates me, so I don’t mind spoiling her in return.
Holly helps Bill out of the car and waves to Tyke and I. I pull my hand from my pocket and wave at her in return as I think about how, in this moment, I finally feel complete. Too bad things can’t stay like this. A shit storm is brewing, and it’s all going to hit the fucking fan once Tyke breaks the news to our band brothers. Shit’s about to get fucking real.
