Текст книги "The Cheerleaders of Doom"

Автор книги: Michael Buckley

Соавторы: Ethen Beavers
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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

McKenna Gallagher was not happy. She was locked inside a tiny room with concrete walls and floors. There was no way she could get a signal for her phone—not a single bar! How would anyone know that she had been kidnapped if she couldn’t update her Facebook status? Her Twitter followers should know that the room had one exposed light bulb hanging from a dirty lamp and that it was shining right into her eyes! She needed to let everyone know about the new girl—the Korean-American one with the bad temper—and her gang of nerdy misfits. They had locked her in a basement. This was not LOL! It was SOS!

Maddie sat across from McKenna. “I know you must be confused,” she said. She wasn’t wearing her cheerleader uniform anymore. Instead, she had on a black bodysuit that zipped up the front to her neck. If Maddie hadn’t kidnapped her, McKenna would probably have told her she looked fierce.

“T 2 the H!” she cried. “You better let me out of here!”

“Pufferfish, what did she say?” Maddie asked.

A girl with superkinky blonde hair stepped forward and opened a laptop. “Just a second. According to my search, she’s a talking in text messages. ‘T 2 the H’ means, ‘Talk to the hand’.”

“OMGYG2BK!”

“OMGYG2BK?” Maddie asked.

Her friend typed furiously. “Um, just a second. That means ‘Oh, my gosh, you’ve got to be kidding.’” The girl shook her head. “It’s like she speaks another language.”

“Yeah, it’s called annoying,” Maddie said, then turned back to McKenna. “Listen, we don’t want to waste our time and we don’t want to waste yours, so let’s just get to the point. It’s over. We know who you are.”

“LDO!” McKenna said.

“‘Like duh, obviously,’” the frizzy blonde translated.

“I was on homecoming court. I’m a cheerleader. I have nine thousand Facebook friends and twelve thousand My space friends. I’m topping out at seventeen thousand Twitter followers. Everyone knows me! IMDB!”

The blonde girl started typing. “That means, ‘I’m da bomb.’”

“Gerdie, let’s—”

“Who? My name’s not Gerdie, idiot!”

“We don’t need to play this game any longer,” Maddie said.

“I hope your parents have great lawyers, ’cause my dad is a crazy great lawyer and he’s going to sue you for every penny. H8TBU!”

“‘Hate to be you,’” the blonde girl translated.

“Please calm down, Gerdie,” the newbie said.

McKenna jumped to her feet and made a dash for the door. “My name’s not Gerdie and I will not calm down! Help! Help! Let me out of here!”

Another figure blocked her way. He was cute, with blue eyes and wavy blond hair. But when he smiled—ugh! She remembered him from her abduction—he had a mouth full of metal. Now that he was up close she could see his braces were moving around as if they were alive. They spilled out from between his lips and transformed into huge spindly spider legs and lifted the boy off the ground. McKenna was so shocked she fell backward. Her first instinct was to text Tiffany, but crawling away in a desperate gamble for her life was a close second.

“We’re not here to hurt you,” Maddie said.

“Help! Help!”

“Gluestick, Flinch?”

A roly-poly boy ran up the side of the wall, then across the ceiling, then down the other side to block her way. Frantically, she scurried to another side of the room, but a jittery Latino kid with a crazy look on his face was blocking that way, too. She turned again only to find him standing there as well. How did he move so fast?

McKenna shook with rage. She stomped her feet, and though later she would feel childish, “I’m telling!” was the first thing that came to mind. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

“I am so posting this!” she snarled.

But she never got a chance. Maddie jumped out of her chair, snatched the phone, and then, much to McKenna’s surprise, flew into the air, hovering just out of reach like a bumblebee.

“OMG! You are in big trouble, you freaks!” she shrieked.

“Gerdie—”

“Who is Gerdie?”

“You! You are Gerdie Baker,” the girl with the computer said as she held up the bridge device. “And this machine you invented is very dangerous. You’re causing all kinds of damage to the national power grid, not to mention all the strange stuff that’s getting yanked into our universe.”

“UGTBK!”

The girl went back to her laptop. “‘You’ve got to be kidding.’”

“I didn’t invent this machine!” McKenna cried. “Do you think I could invent something this complicated? Tiffany gave this to me. She said it didn’t go with her eyes. I said it didn’t go with mine, either, but she said I had a boxy head and this made it look thinner. I don’t even know how that thing works except you push the blue button. There’s a gauge on the side that tells you how long you have until the battery is recharged. That’s all I know!”

McKenna watched the odd children huddle and whisper. They kept looking over at her suspiciously. She wanted to send frown face texts to them all.

“So Tiffany gave you this?” the chubby one asked. “She invented it?”

“I don’t know who invented it, but I highly doubt it was Tiffany. She’s as dumb as a box of rocks. I swear her mom sets her clothes out in the morning and has to remind her which are pants and which are tops. Please don’t tell her I said that. She can be very mean. SWMBO.”

The blonde typed furiously. “‘She who must be obeyed.’”

“All I know is it showed up about three weeks ago,” McKenna cried in a panic. “It could’ve come from anyone.”

“Well, you’ve got to get back to the squad,” Flinch said to Matilda. “Figure out which of the other girls brought it in.”

Matilda shook her head. “This mission is over. We have the device. Let’s just toss Texting Tina in some cell for a while until this blows over.”

“A cell? Like a jail? I’d never make it. They only let prisoners go online a half hour a week!”

Just then, a man entered the room. He was a hottie, even though he was totally old. McKenna couldn’t help but stare at him.

“I’m afraid this mission is far from over, Wheezer. Just because we have this bridge device doesn’t mean Gerdie won’t build another one. We have to find her so she can help us stop the tears in the universe. They’re popping up all over the place now. Agents are telling us they’ve found a nuclear sub sitting in the middle of that park you girls were in last night. It’s not one of ours—the crew was made up of angry beavers.”

“I have always suspected the beavers would rise up against us,” Jackson said, laughing.

“This is serious business, Braceface. We need to find Gerdie on the double!”

Matilda scowled. “Fine! I’ll go back to the stupids and weed out the Mathlete!”

“Who are you calling stupids?!” McKenna snarled.

A pretty woman in glasses stepped into the room. A little blue ball floated in the air behind her. There was so much weirdness around McKenna. Was she losing her mind? She had to stop eating the meatloaf surprise.

“Better leave right away, Wheezer,” the woman said. “There has been another tear and something else disappeared.”

“What?” Agent Brand asked.

“The Washington Monument.”

Brand paused, and then roared, “We have to find a way to stop these tears! Find Gerdie Baker now!”

McKenna almost felt bad for Maddie. She would text her a frownie face if she could. But before she could reach for the phone, a needle was stuck in her arm and she blacked out.

THIS NEXT TEST JUDGES HOW YOU PERCEIVE THE WORLD. DOCTORS CALL THIS A RORSCHACH TEST. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS LOOK AT THE PICTURES AND TELL ME WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING THINGS YOU SEE IN THEM. HELPFUL HINT: THE PICTURES ARE NOT TALKING TO YOU. THEY DON’T TALK. IF YOU HEAR VOICES COMING FROM THEM, THEN I THINK WE CAN BOTH AGREE THAT THIS TEST IS OVER. THEY’RE JUST PICTURES. I PROMISE.

a. TWO SEALS GIVING EACH OTHER A KISS (3 POINTS)

b. A SPACESHIP FLYING THROUGH AN ASTEROID FIELD (3 POINTS)

c. THE BOTTOM OF A BIRDCAGE (3 POINTS)

a. A ROSE (3 POINTS)

b. A CLOWN’S FACE (5 POINTS)

c. THE MONSTER THAT VISITS YOU AT NIGHT (10 POINTS)

a. A DOG (3 POINTS)

b. A MUTANT BUNNY (8 POINTS)

c. A MUTANT BUNNY CROSSED WITH AN ELEPHANT AND THE DEVIL (10 POINTS)

a. A WHITE STINGRAY RIDING ON TOP OF A BLACK STINGRAY (5 POINTS)

b. A STEALTH FIGHTER PLANE (3 POINTS)

c. A GREAT SYMBOL FOR MY SUPERVILLAIN COSTUME (9 POINTS)

a. A GOOD-LOOKING DUDE (1 POINT)

b. A STAGGERINGLY HANDSOME MAN (1 POINT)

c. MY MORTAL ENEMY (10 POINTS)

TOTAL THEM UP, BUSTER.

WOW. SCARY.

McKenna was given a memory drug that erased the last twenty-four hours of her life, which saved Matilda’s cover story and allowed her to continue her search for Gerdie Baker. Getting both of the girls back into the camp, however, was no easy task. McKenna slobbered like a bulldog and her legs were jelly, but Matilda somehow managed to pull her along. She dumped the dozing cheerleader onto her bunk and shoved her cell phone into her hand the way one might give a toddler a security blanket. Then Matilda fell into bed herself and slept as deeply as she ever had.

She woke from a dream in which her family—her mother, father, and brothers—were all living happily under the same roof. Ben and Molly waltzed around the living room, twirling like tops, smiling and gazing into each other’s eyes. Waking up to the real world felt like a body slam, and Matilda sat staring out the window next to her bunk and trying not to cry. She wondered if she could use Gerdie’s bridge device to find the world of her dreams. A simple push of a button could take her to a place where her mom and dad still loved each other.

When she felt calmer, she decided to take advantage of the fact that everyone else was still asleep. She climbed out of the bunk and moved from cabin to cabin, quietly searching through Lilly’s, Kylie’s, and Pammy’s belongings. She opened their drawers and duffel bags, rifled through their personal things, even peeked under their beds. Unfortunately, she didn’t find anything useful, except that Pammy might be a candy hoarder.

Frustrated, Matilda put everything back in place and returned to her bunk. She flipped open her notebook and took stock of her notes. Her suspects were mysteries to her. Kylie was kind and funny and in a crisis she kept a cool head. She could certainly have learned that from spy training. Tiffany was very athletic, something that would have come in handy as a secret agent. On the other hand, there were Pammy and Lilly, who spent most of their hours in front of the mirror, complimenting themselves. They followed Tiffany around like puppy dogs, and both could be exceptionally mean, but these were all just surface observations. What did she really know about them? Nothing! They were almost strangers to her. Kylie was sweet—she could even possibly be a real friend to Matilda—but getting to know the others made Matilda cringe. With her friends at home she had complete confidence, and she wasn’t bashful about speaking to anyone. But here, at this camp, with her makeup and cheerleading skirt, she felt awkward. Odd how suddenly becoming what most people thought of as beautiful and popular made her feel like a nerd. If only she could swap out the lip gloss for her combat boots!

She managed to catch a few more minutes of sleep before she felt someone standing over her. Pammy was fully dressed in her cheerleading outfit with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“Cheerleaders can’t be lazy,” she snapped.

“Um, tired! Attacked by pirates—almost eaten by a shark!”

Pammy rolled her eyes. “Boo-hoo! Let me play a sad violin for you! Get dressed.”

Matilda swallowed her impulse to deliver a roundhouse kick to the snotty girl and instead called out to her. “Listen, I know we don’t know each other well, but maybe we could be friends.”

“Friends? You’ve been watching too much Sesame Street,” Pammy said.

“I don’t know the first thing about you,” Matilda said. She tried to remember Gerdie’s file. What had it said about her sisters? Were they triplets? Yes! “Like, do you have any brothers or sisters?”

Pammy turned and looked at Matilda for a long time, then sighed in surrender. “No, I’m an only child. My parents wisely decided to spend all their time and money to make me the amazing person that I am today. Now, if you’ve got enough info for your biography, you better get outside and be ready to cheer in five minutes!”

As Pammy stomped out of the cabin, Matilda jotted in her notebook that she was an only child. She tucked the notebook under her pillow, then leaped out of bed. A moment later she was dressed and rushing outside. She hoped that Tiffany would notice her eagerness and not abuse her as much as usual; her mostly sleepless night was starting to catch up to her. She also hoped she’d have a chance to talk to her other suspects, especially Lilly and Kylie. Unfortunately, she was the last one to arrive for practice. Lilly was propping up McKenna, as the effects of the memory wipe were clearly still causing balance problems, and poor Kylie was forced to follow Tiffany around with a hot cup of cocoa in case their leader needed a sip.

“I thought Pammy told you to get ready!” Tiffany snapped at Matilda.

“What? I am ready!”

Tiffany laughed. “Your hair is ugh and where’s your makeup? When we practice, we have to look like we’re going on stage. You may think you’re a natural beauty, but I promise you that you’re not. Oh, and take Kylie. She could use some work, too.”

Matilda enjoyed a beautiful little daydream about body slamming Tiffany into the muddy practice field, but she also realized that their leader was doing her a favor. Now she would get some alone time with one of her suspects.

Matilda and Kylie stood in front of the bathroom mirror. They debated blush and eyeliner while Matilda pretended to know the difference between them.

“So you’re makeup challenged, too?” Kylie said.

Matilda nodded. “I wasn’t exactly a girlie-girl before cheerleading entered my life.”

Kylie smiled. “Nice to know someone else was going through an awkward phase.”

“Awkward, huh?”

“The worst. Sometimes I wondered if I was even human—but hey, look at me now. I’m hot!” She licked her finger, set it on her arm, and then made a sizzling sound.

“I’m so hot I have a fever!” Matilda said. She couldn’t help but like Kylie. Unlike the other girls, who seemed proud of how shallow and superficial they could be, Kylie had a sense of self that couldn’t be touched by petty insults. She didn’t seem to care what the others thought of her.

“So, where are you from, Kylie?”

“Oh, everywhere. My mom moves us around a lot. You?”

“Well, I was born in San Francisco but moved east when I was a baby. My parents wanted me to get a good education. I’m a bit of a math prodigy. Do you like math?”

Kylie smiled. “I can barely add two plus two,” she said. “And I wouldn’t walk around bragging about being smart in front of the rest of the squad. There’s nothing that makes dumb people angrier than having a smart person reminding them that they’re morons.”

“HEY!” Tiffany’s voice bellowed from outside. “Let’s go! The portal is opening right now!”

How is that possible? Matilda thought. She and the NERDS had confiscated it.

They raced into the forest and saw Toni and Jeannie vanishing into the huge white ball. This time, Shauna was wearing a bridge device, brand-new and just as pink and sparkly as the last.

Tiffany and McKenna were in the midst of a heated argument as more girls disappeared into the portal.

“I’m sorry!” McKenna cried, though somewhat sleepily.

“How do you lose a machine that opens a door to other Earths?” Tiffany shouted. “Do you think these things grow on trees?”

“Where did you get that one?” Matilda asked.

“Don’t you worry about where I got it, newbie!” Tiffany said. “Just get through the portal!”

Matilda and Kylie did as they were told. In a flash the camp was gone and they were tumbling into a humid rain forest. Ancient trees soared overhead, while a gurgling stream slipped over a stone riverbed. Insects as big as Matilda’s fist buzzed around the girls’ heads.

“Um, I think there’s supposed to be treasure,” Jeannie complained. “Whose idea was it to let Shauna use the glove?”

“Harsh! The scanner said there’s a temple in this forest with a huge stockpile of gold,” Shauna said defensively.

“Pair up and spread out,” Tiffany said. “The temple has to be close by.”

“I’ll go with Lilly,” Matilda said. She could tell Kylie was a little hurt, but when major landmarks were vanishing from Washington, D.C., you had to have priorities.

Lilly seemed just as put out, but Matilda ignored it. She looped her arm through the girl’s and marched her into the brush.

“I thought we could use the time to get to know each other,” Matilda said.

“Whatever,” Lilly said.

“So, Lilly, tell me about yourself,” Matilda said.

“What do you care? Are you spying on me?”

“Of—of course not,” Matilda stammered.

“Everyone on this squad is the same—two-faced. I hate how we all gang up on each other, and I’m sure anything I tell you will just get used against me when Queen Tiffany decides to dole out her favors.”

“I promise I’m not out to get you,” Matilda said. “Just making conversation.”

“You’re actually interested?”

Matilda nodded. “Sure.”

“You first then. Tell me something about yourself that you don’t want anyone to know. You spill and I’ll spill,” Lilly said, swatting at a rather large jungle beetle.

“I have six brothers.”

“Wow, it must have been very painful to tell me that,” Lilly said.

“OK. OK!” Matilda said. She didn’t want to tell this stranger her deep, dark secrets, but if it would get her to open up … “My parents are going to get a divorce and I cry at night sometimes hoping they will get back together.”

“They won’t,” Lilly said flatly. “My parents are divorced, too. They even tried to get back together. It’s just not going to happen.”

“Is that why you’re angry?”

Lilly took a step back. “You think I’m angry?”

Matilda nodded.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Lilly said.

Matilda knew from Gerdie’s file that her parents were divorced. Could Lilly be the Mathlete? Did she have sisters? Did she ever live in Arlington?

Just then, something brown and hairy leaped down from the trees above their heads. It was a chimpanzee, but not like any she had seen in a zoo. This one was wearing a strange harness that covered his chest, legs, and arms. He was also carrying a bushel of bananas under one of his stringy arms. He eyed the cheerleaders carefully, and then, much to Matilda’s shock, he tapped his nose and said, “Flinch here. I have found two of the invaders.”

He quickly peeled a handful of bananas and shoved them into his mouth. As he chewed, his harness began to glow. He pounded on his chest and shouted, “I am mighty!”

Matilda peered closely at the creature. This chimpanzee was Flinch—a very hairy version, but Flinch nonetheless. There was Flinch’s harness, and the sugar, and the chimp was even shouting his catchphrase. And he wasn’t alone. Soon, a cute yellow monkey no bigger than a house cat swung through the trees by its tail. By the way it was scratching its arms and legs, Matilda guessed it was this world’s Ruby Peet. An orangutan leaped from tree to tree as if its feet and hands were covered in glue—obviously Duncan. Rushing up behind them was a baboon Jackson Jones, with a bright red nose, blue face, and enormous robotic appendages coming from its mouth. But the most startling was the razorback gorilla that flew overhead with the help of two tiny inhalers.

The animals stepped into their fighting stances and surrounded the girls.

“Stay where you are,” the little yellow monkey commanded. “We’re waiting for your machine to recharge and then you and the rest of you moronic girls are going back to where you belong.”

Lilly cringed. “Talking monkeys!”

The gorilla pounded her chest and bared her fangs. “Some of us are apes!” she said, clearly insulted.

“Run!” Lilly cried, hurling herself into the overgrown jungle.

“Wait!” Matilda shouted, but Lilly was already gone. Matilda chased after her, swatting at branches and leaves. Roots sprang up on the path and snakes slithered out of her way. It seemed as if the whole jungle had risen up to torment her, but she eventually caught up with Lilly just as they plowed into Tiffany and McKenna.

“What is wrong with you nutcases?” Tiffany said.

“Monkeys are attacking!” Lilly cried.

“She’s gone crazy,” McKenna said. “I have to post about her breakdown!”

Just then the razorback flew overhead, propelled by two rocket-fueled inhalers. The rest of the furry team followed, causing Tiffany and McKenna to join in Lilly’s panic. The three of them ran off, once again abandoning Matilda.

Matilda stood up, brushed herself off, and shouted up into the trees. “You want to talk, I’m right here, but make it quick. We’ve got less than ten minutes before the portal opens and we have to leave!”

The gorilla slammed down hard in front of her, and the other creatures swung into view. The tiny yellow one leaped onto the gorilla’s shoulder and cleared her throat.

“Humans that talk,” the monkey said.

“Fascinating,” the baboon said.

“I’ve never been this close to a human,” the chimpanzee Flinch said. “She’s quite stinky.”

The orangutan stepped forward and eyed her closely. “The talking must be some trick she picked up. She’s mimicking us. The one at the zoo does tricks, too.”

The baboon Duncan fell from a tree and landed on his feet. “I don’t think it’s a trick. She appears to be intelligent.”

“You do realize I’m standing right here and can hear every word you say,” Matilda grumbled.

“I’d hardly call her intelligent,” a voice said from above, and then another creature landed at her feet. This one looked almost catlike, with a long striped tail. Matilda knew they were called lemurs—at least on her Earth. It peered into her face curiously.

“Not as smart as you, Mathlete, but still bright for her species,” the baboon said.

“Wait! You’re the Mathlete?” Matilda said to the lemur. “I mean, you’re this world’s Mathlete? I’m not from here.”

“Clearly,” the monkey Ruby said.

“But I’m one of you, I mean, I’m part of NERDS, but on my Earth. Wow, this is really hard to explain. My name is Matilda Choi. They call me Wheezer.”

“No way!” The razorback gorilla sneered and then circled her, eyeing her up and down. “There is no way I would be a cheerleader! Not on any planet.”

It was then that Matilda noticed the gorilla had a unibrow.

The lemur hopped up onto a branch. “We understand you are from somewhere else. Do you understand your visit here is destroying the multiverse?”

“You’re experiencing it here, too?”

“We’ve had some tearing in the fabric of reality. Things have been slipping into our world. If it hadn’t been for MISFIT, we would have no idea what was happening. I presume you are working with them?”

“MISFIT?”

“The Multiverse and Interdimensional Special Forces Intelligence Team,” the orangutan said. “They’re a version of NERDS from Earth 1. They fight crimes across the multiverse.”

Matilda was bewildered. “Well, we could use their help. We’re trying to stop this on our own. Did they tell you that the human version of Mathlete is responsible for all this chaos?”

“Harrumph,” the lemur said.

“Garrrrughhggaaa,” the chimpanzee Flinch said, overcome by the sugar in the bananas. He turned the knob on his harness. “What are you doing to stop her?”

“I have to find her first. We don’t know what she looks like,” Matilda said, then turned to the lemur. “Listen, I know this is a bit of a long shot, but if you can tell me anything about yourself that might help me identify my Gerdie, it could help. You are obviously very different, but I’m desperate!”

The lemur shook her head.

Suddenly, there was a loud hum. Matilda knew exactly what it was. The bridge device had activated.

“You need to get to the portal,” the orangutan said, echoing her thoughts.

“Fix this problem, human,” the lemur said. “Your world is not the only one at stake.”

Before Matilda left, she turned once more to her primate self. The gorilla eyed her right back. Then Matilda ran into the forest toward the device’s noise. She found the rest of the squad climbing down the stairs of what looked like an ancient Mayan pyramid. The five-story hand-crafted stone structure rose high above the jungle floor, and she spotted a small ceremonial room at its top. By the looks of the heavy sacks the girls were carrying down its steps, that’s where the treasure was stored.

“Glad to see the monkeys didn’t eat you,” Lilly said.

Matilda nodded. “Me, too.”

“You can forget about running up there and getting any of the gold. The portal is open. You blew it running around like a freak in the jungle,” Tiffany said, walking past her toward the glowing silver ball.

“H82BU,”Mckenna said.

Matilda pretended to be disappointed. In the last twenty-four hours she had nearly been killed by pirates, had nearly been eaten by a great white shark, and had come face-to-face with a gorilla version of herself. The crazy level had been turned up to ten! But all of these run-ins would be much preferable to what she had to do next. If she wanted to find Gerdie, she was going to have to do something drastic, and just the thought of it made her cringe.