Текст книги "Sweet Persuasion"

Автор книги: Maya Banks

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

CHAPTER 32

“You can’t avoid us forever, Serena. Don’t think I won’t show up at your office and drag you out kicking and screaming if I have to,” Faith said when Serena answered her office line.

Serena sighed and put her palm to her aching head. She shifted forward in her seat because whenever she brushed across the leather, it irritated her still-sensitive back.

“I’m busy, Faith. Trying to catch up after being away from work for a week.”

Faith snorted. “You’re avoiding me and we both know it. Be glad it’s me calling and not Julie.”

“Yeah, well why isn’t she?” Serena asked. “Not like her to miss out on an opportunity to be nosy.”

“She’s too busy plotting.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Serena said. And she didn’t. She was simply too tired and had too much on her mind to worry about whether or not Julie was ever going to make a move on Nathan. She said as much to Faith.

“I think she’s giving up on Nathan. Well, after she carries off her scheme to show him what he’s missing out on.”

Serena rolled her eyes, amused despite the heaviness weighing on her.

“You should probably know, she plans to approach Damon.”

“What?”

“Not personally and not until after your month is up,” Faith said quickly. “She wants him to set up a fantasy for her.”

“For the love of God,” Serena muttered. “He’s not a freaking pimp.”

“Says the woman who went to him for the same thing?” Faith pointed out.

“You’re not endearing yourself to me right now, Faith.”

“If it makes you feel any better, both Gray and I tried to talk her out of it. For different reasons, mind you. I don’t have a problem with Damon’s establishment, just Julie’s motivation. Gray hates The House and I think he’s afraid Julie will drag me there with her,” she finished with a laugh.

Serena didn’t want to think about the end of her time with Damon or that Julie would be going to him for help. Who was to say he wouldn’t volunteer for Julie’s fantasy?

Guilt nagged her even as she thought it. Nothing Damon had ever said or done made her think he approached sex so casually that he’d jump from her bed to her friend’s. And speaking of friends . . .

“Faith, about Micah.”

“What about Micah?” Faith asked.

“Do you and he . . . well, do you and he and Gray have an agreement?” God, how the hell was she supposed to put this anyway?

“Why are you asking?” Faith asked softly.

Fuck me.

“He saw me naked. Damon didn’t plan it that way, mind you. Was my own fault. But then he sort of participated in my punishment, and well, afterward, I remembered that you and him . . . that is, you and him and Gray . . . Well, I just felt bad about it.”

“Serena, there is nothing between me and Micah except deep friendship. I love him dearly, and yes, we had sex. Once. There is no agreement. Gray would have a coronary if someone suggested it. But now, you know you’re going to have to tell me all about this punishment Micah participated in, because it sounds freaking hot.”

Serena groaned. “Look, can we do this some other time? You’ve made sure I’m alive and well, and I really do have work to catch up on, and I sure as hell don’t want to be late tonight and cause Damon the same grief I caused last night.”

“But are you well?” Faith asked quietly. “I didn’t get the impression that things were okay yesterday. I’m worried about you, Serena. I’ve worried about you from the start of this. And I’m worried about Damon. I don’t want either of you hurt.”

“I don’t want us hurt either,” Serena said quietly. “But I’m afraid it might be too late.”

“Oh, Serena.” Faith’s unhappy voice filtered over the line. “Do you want me to meet you for lunch?”

“I really appreciate you trying to help, Faith. Really, I do. But this is something I have to work out on my own.”

“I understand, but I need to say one last thing. If you can’t give Damon what he wants, what he needs, then let him go.”

Serena stared at the phone for a long time after Faith hung up. Let him go. It sounded so easy. And it should be. Who the hell formed an attachment after only one week?

Okay, it had been longer than a week. But not much, and it was still too soon to feel so deeply for another person.

But that wasn’t what was important. They wanted different things, and not insignificant things like favorite foods or different brands of toothpaste. Damon wanted a woman like Serena had pretended to be for the last week, and he wanted her on a permanent basis.

“Serena?”

Serena looked up to see Carrie standing in her office doorway. She frowned. Carrie had been crying.

“What’s wrong?” she asked sharply.

“Mrs. Tasco just called.”

“Did something go wrong with the cruise?” Serena asked.

Carrie’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “No, in fact, it was perfect. Mrs. Tasco said she’d never seen Michelle so happy. They were scheduled to return to port today. Michelle died in her sleep last night.”

Serena went completely still. Her chest hurt as pressure increased.

“They just wanted to say thank you,” Carrie said in a choked voice. “They said Michelle’s last hours were so full of joy and wonder. The princess party you arranged was the highlight of her life.”

“Find out when funeral arrangements are being made,” Serena said. “Send flowers.”

Carrie stood there, her expression one of surprise. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Just do it, Carrie. And if that’s all, I’m really busy right now.”

Carrie spun around and stalked from Serena’s office, slamming the door behind her. For a long moment, Serena stared at the closed door. Then she dropped her head to her desk, burying her face in her arms.

Her shoulders shook uncontrollably as the tears came. She was fooling herself. What she gave her clients wasn’t real. It wasn’t even a substitute for real. She dealt in games and deception.

She could give a little girl the trappings of being a princess, but she couldn’t give her what mattered most. A long, healthy life with parents who loved her.

Damon was wrong. Dreamers did die. They died every single day.

Damon was sitting in his chair when Serena walked in the door that afternoon. He laid aside his laptop and looked up, prepared to call her over. His welcome died on his lips when he saw her pale, strained face.

She dropped her briefcase by the door and kicked off her shoes almost mechanically. Then she walked slowly toward him, her eyes thick with grief. She looked as though she’d been crying, but she was completely dry-eyed now.

He got to his feet and crossed the room to meet her. As soon he got close, a small cry erupted from her lips and she threw herself in his arms. He gathered her close and held her as sobs cracked from her lips, falling harshly on his ears.

He guided her to the couch, half carrying her and half assisting and then sat, pulling her down onto his lap. “Serena, tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt? What happened?”

She buried her face in his neck and held him tightly, her fingers digging into his skin. Her sobs continued to spill out and so he simply held her, until finally she quieted and lay limply against his chest, her strength drained.

“Serena?”

She tensed and drew in a slight breath, and her body felt small and fragile against his. Dread tightened around his throat because he couldn’t help but know what she was going to say.

“I’m leaving, Damon,” she said in a hoarse, quiet voice. “I tore up the contract. The agreement is done. You’re free.”

He went still. The pain of her announcement shocked him with its ferocity when it shouldn’t have. He knew it was coming, and yet he felt each word like a serrated edge over his heart.

“Why?” he demanded.

She started to pull away, almost violent in her movements as she sought to free herself from his embrace. But he wouldn’t let her up. No, she would face him and give him the reason, damn it. He wouldn’t make it easy for her when this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to confront.

He gathered her wrists in his hands and held them close to his chest. “Why, Serena? You owe me that much.”

“I owe you no explanation,” she said in a cold voice. “Either party can terminate the contract at will.”

“I don’t give a damn about the fucking contract. This isn’t about a piece of goddamn paper, Serena. This is you and me and what we’ve shared, and I deserve to know why you’re throwing it away.”

“I can’t live a lie any longer,” she whispered. “It hurts. Everything I do is a lie. It’s not real. It can’t be real. I can’t give people what they truly want or need and you aren’t any different. I can’t give you what you need, Damon, so I’m letting you go.”

He stared at her as the garbled explanation fell from her lips. She pushed herself away from him again, and this time he let her go.

She turned to go but before she took a step, he said her name. She hesitated but didn’t turn around.

“I love you, Serena.”

This time she stopped. He could see her shoulders trembling, see her fingers ball into fists at her sides.

“Stay,” he said softly.

Slowly, she turned around, devastation written on her face. Her mouth tightened and her throat worked up and down as she swallowed.

“No,” she whispered.

And there it was. The one word she’d never said. The one word he’d told her would free her. His pain was stunning and fierce. The finality of it rolled over him until he could barely stand it.

Her hand flew to her mouth and she made a sound, a wounded, pained sound that an animal might make. And then she ran.

CHAPTER 33

Serena knew she was pushing herself too hard, she knew she was avoiding her friends, and she knew without a doubt that she didn’t have a prayer of ever getting over Damon.

She was a coward, a bitch, and she was heartbroken.

She hadn’t attended Michelle’s funeral. Carrie was livid and had called her heartless. Serena didn’t deny it. If she had any sort of a heart, she wouldn’t have strung Damon along making promises she couldn’t keep. Oh, she hadn’t overtly made any promises, but she’d bought into the whole fantasy. Lost herself in something that wasn’t real. She’d wanted it and wanted it badly.

No, going to the funeral wasn’t something she could handle, but still, she found herself walking slowly toward Michelle’s headstone as the evening shadows lengthened.

Newly dug dirt lay atop the small mound and a huge assortment of flowers decorated the area. Serena’s gaze fell on the shiny stone, still so new, where Michelle’s name was engraved. Tears welled when she saw that below her name her parents had added an inscription.

Always our princess.

Serena knelt and carefully leaned over to place a tiara at the head of the grave.

“If there is any justice, you’re reigning in heaven with a pink princess gown, a diamond tiara and a purple scepter,” Serena whispered. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do for you the one thing that mattered most.”

“But you did.”

Serena whipped guiltily around and saw Mrs. Tasco standing there, tears shining on her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Serena murmured as she stood. “I didn’t mean to intrude.” She started to walk away, but Mrs. Tasco touched her arm as she got close.

“Please, don’t go.”

Serena hesitated, torn between the need to be away before she succumbed to the tears boiling at her eyes and the pain she saw reflected in a mother’s eyes.

“I heard what you said, and you’re wrong. There was nothing anyone could do for Michelle’s health. God knows we tried. We saw countless doctors, tried treatment after treatment, but we knew . . . we knew she didn’t have long. What you did was give a little girl who had known so much pain and sorrow a reason to smile, to laugh, to be happy, even when she knew she was dying. For that, Miss James, you will always have my undying gratitude.”

Her voice broke on a sob, and she covered her mouth with trembling fingers.

“I can never repay you for the sight of my daughter’s face lit up like a million suns as she danced at her coronation ceremony aboard the cruise ship. Or for the look on her father’s face as he whirled her around the dance floor.”

She enfolded Serena in her arms and hugged her tightly as sobs racked her frame.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Serena whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough, that it would never be enough.

“Thank you. Thank you from me and her father both. We’ll never forget what you did for our daughter.”

Serena tried to smile and failed. Mrs. Tasco squeezed her hand and then slowly moved past her and away from the grave site.

A slight breeze blew the tears dry on Serena’s face and none replaced them as she stared back at the tiara sitting in front of the stone.

Realization and death of dreams. Life. She could spout the bullshit about how things were cyclical but it wouldn’t bring her any peace, and it damn sure wouldn’t make her feel better about a little princess who wanted so little and gave so much.

Exhausted and heartsick, she began the walk back to her car. Though it was warm and muggy with barely a breeze to break the oppressive heat, Serena hugged her arms close to her body and put her head down as she walked along the manicured pathway of the cemetery. Her fingers lay over the arm band that Damon had given her, hidden by her sleeve. She hadn’t taken it or the ankle bracelet off. She couldn’t bear to.

When she reached the parking lot, she dug into her jeans pocket for her keys, and when she looked up, she saw Julie and Faith standing by her car.

They didn’t wait for her to react, say hello or go away. They converged, flanking her and wrapping an arm around her waist and shoulders.

“Gray said he and Connor would get your car on their way home,” Faith said as she herded Serena toward her vehicle. “You’re coming with me and Julie even if we have to knock your ass out.”

When she didn’t even offer an argument, Julie gave her a worried look. “You look exhausted, Serena. When was the last time you slept?”

“I haven’t.” She closed her eyes to prevent the tears from coming. “Not since I left Damon.”

Faith sighed and shoved her gently into the front seat.

“Where are you taking me?” Serena asked mildly as Faith slid into the driver’s seat.

Julie leaned up from the backseat. “Well we could call it some hokey bullshit like intervention, but I prefer to call it us kicking your dumb ass.”

Serena laughed, but it sounded harsh and ugly. She leaned her head against the seat as warm tears left salt trails down her cheeks.

Julie squeezed her arm as Faith backed out of the parking lot. They drove in silence, and Serena kept her eyes closed, not wanting to see the pity or concern in her friends’ eyes. She still had no idea where they were going but if it involved food and sleep, she could certainly deal.

She fell asleep and when she woke again, Faith and Julie were pulling her out of the front seat. As she staggered to her feet, the smell of salt and an ocean breeze wafted gently through her senses.

“Where are we?” she asked as she tried to blink the fog from her eyes.

“Beach house,” Julie said.

Serena frowned as they mounted the steps to the large house. A single light shone from the porch, warm and inviting. “Whose house?”

“Does it matter?” Faith asked in exasperation.

“Guess not,” Serena muttered. “As long as it has food and a pillow.”

“I’d say it’s about time you started talking about eating and sleeping. You look like you haven’t had either in a week,” Julie said.

Serena sighed. She’d lost count of the days. It didn’t matter.

Faith unlocked the door, and they walked inside. Julie went back out for their bags while Faith plopped Serena down on the couch with instructions to stay.

“Yes, Mom,” Serena mumbled.

They fussed, bullied, pinched and prodded until she ate every single thing they put on the plate they prepared for her. She dreaded the end of the meal because she knew that was when they’d start in with the demand for answers. But to her surprise, they bundled her off to bed.

“Get some sleep, Serena,” Faith urged. “We’ll be here when you wake up. You’re done running yourself into the ground.”

Serena nodded to acknowledge she’d heard, but she was already going under.

Julie glanced over at Faith and held her finger to her lips then angled her head toward the door. They walked outside and shut the bedroom door before returning to the living room.

“I need to call Damon,” Faith said. “He’s been worried sick about her.”

“And Gray. He wasn’t crazy about you coming down here without him,” Julie said.

Faith shivered. “I wasn’t so crazy about it myself but at least it’s not the same beach house. Damon sold the one where Gray was shot.”

“Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” Julie asked. “I can’t decide, and yet I know we couldn’t stand by and watch her self-destruct. Hell, Faith, what are we going to do when she wakes up? I don’t have the answers.”

Faith paused in the act of taking out her cell phone. “Honestly? I don’t think Serena is going to get better until she and Damon are together again.”

“Did I mention that I hate meddling friends?” Julie grumbled. “I hate being one even more. It was her decision, Faith. We can’t make her go back to Damon.”

“I told her to give him up,” Faith said painfully. “I should have stayed out of it.”

“Oh, shut up. Serena didn’t leave Damon because you told her to, and if she did, she’s a bigger dumbass than I thought.”

Faith leveled a glare at her. “You know, Julie, it’s amazing Serena and I haven’t cut your throat. If I were you, I’d sleep real light tonight.”

“Call your man and then call Damon. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man so worried over a woman. Made me all gooey inside.”

“Let’s just hope this works,” Faith said as she punched the keypad of her phone.

CHAPTER 34

Sunlight speared her right through her eyeball as soon as Serena cracked one eyelid open. With a groan, she turned so that the sun was out of her face. Her gaze fell on the clock and she saw it was straight-up noon.

Every muscle in her body grimaced when she tried to move so she just lay there listening to the distant sounds of the gulf. A seagull’s cry echoed right outside the window followed by another and still another.

Peace. Such an elusive, sweet creature. It mocked her at every turn.

Faith and Julie waited outside that door and Serena wasn’t ready to go yet. She burrowed deeper under the covers, sleep still lurking close on the horizon. It was tempting to retreat and sleep until she forgot, until the pain and sadness went away. But she’d already proven herself the world’s biggest coward.

With a sigh, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. She registered that she was still in yesterday’s clothes about the time she saw the jeans and T-shirt lying on the dresser against the wall.

Apparently she should add breaking and entering to the list of crimes that Julie and Faith were accumulating. They’d obviously raided her apartment before abducting her and carting her off to the beach.

A smile softened the strain around her lips. They were the best. They’d drag her back into the world kicking and screaming, they’d listen to her cry and bitch and wail, but then they’d tell her to shut the fuck up and get over it.

She collected her clothes and headed for the bathroom that adjoined the bedroom they’d stuffed her in. After a quick shower, she almost felt human again. She dressed and then ducked back in her room to get the light windbreaker she’d worn the night before.

Her hand found the arm band again, and she traced the outline through the jacket sleeve. She closed her eyes, determined not to give in to the grief hurtling through her mind. She steadied her composure and then shuffled down the hall, ready to face her kidnappers.

The living room was quiet and empty, but as Serena glanced out the glass doors leading to the wooden deck overlooking the ocean, she saw Faith and Julie sprawled in loungers, drinks in hand.

She squared her shoulders, sucked in a breath and headed for the door. As soon as she slid it open, Julie and Faith both sat up and turned to look at her.

“Well, you look better,” Julie said bluntly. “Not that you look great, but definitely a step above hammered horse shit.”

Serena smiled wryly. “Thanks, Julie.”

Faith got up and took her arm and immediately herded her toward a lounger. “Sit,” she insisted. Then she turned to Julie. “Get her some juice and something to eat. Then we’ll make her talk.”

Serena laughed and marveled at how weird it sounded. “Will there be pain involved?”

“Only if you clam up on us,” Julie said as she headed inside.

Serena took the lounger Julie had vacated and leaned back, directing her face into the sun. Warmth spread over her skin, but oddly, she still felt cold on the inside.

“What happened, Serena?” Faith asked quietly.

“I stopped trying to sell rainbows and wishes.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I’m through dealing in fantasies, Faith.”

“But what about your business? Your clients? Serena, you’ve made so many people happy.”

Serena closed her eyes. Except for her. In that she’d failed miserably and hurt a good man in the process.

“Okay so what did I miss?” Julie asked as she came back out. She plopped a plate on Serena’s lap, forcing her to open her eyes again. Then she held out a glass of juice.

“Apparently Serena is done with Fantasy Incorporated,” Faith said darkly.

“Say what?”

“I’m selling the business,” Serena said calmly.

“But why?” Julie demanded. “This was your brainchild, your baby.”

“Not anymore,” Serena said softly. “Someone else can take over and do the same. It’s just not for me anymore. I’m tired of . . . fantasy. It’s not real. Nothing was.”

“Okay, are we talking about your clients here or are we talking about you and Damon?” Faith asked.

Serena’s hands trembled around her glass of juice, causing it to slosh precariously close to the rim. She sat forward and placed the glass on the leg rest of the lounger and set her plate down on the deck. “Damon deserves someone who isn’t playing games,” she whispered. “Someone not out for fantasy and cheap thrills.”

Faith sighed. “Serena, you only gave it a week. Then you ran like the hounds of hell were after you.”

Serena dropped her head and put her hands over her face. “I love him, Faith.”

“Whoa, back up,” Julie interjected. “I was with you up until that part. You love the guy—after only one week, mind you—but instead of sticking around to see how things work out, you dump him? Makes perfect sense to me.”

“You don’t understand,” Serena said as she raised her head again.

Faith leaned forward on her chair and took Serena’s hand in hers. “Then make us understand, Serena. Because you’re obviously miserable. You’ve been avoiding us. You’re not eating. You’re not sleeping. And Julie’s right. You look like hell warmed over. It has to stop.”

“How do you stop loving someone?” Serena asked. “I don’t even know if it’s him I love or if I’m in love with the fantasy he gave me. Do you see my problem now? And how am I supposed to believe he loves me when I never gave him the real me, the real Serena? He loves a fantasy. He loves the ideal I sold him.”

Faith expelled a long breath. Even Julie had nothing to say for once. Finally Faith scooted in closer to Serena and looked her hard in the eye.

“Are you sure you didn’t give him the real Serena?” Faith asked gently. “Is the thought of what he wants so abhorrent to you?”

“It was a game,” Serena said. “A role I played, a role he played.”

Faith held up her hand. “Whatever you may think about your actions, let me assure you that Damon never played a role. What you saw, what you got, was Damon. He doesn’t play games. Yes, he entered into the agreement but it was because you wanted what he could give you. He didn’t have to act, Serena. That’s the real Damon.”

“Look, I appreciate what you guys are trying to do. Believe me. But I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to rehash it because that’s all I’ve done for the past week. I just want to forget.”

Even as she said it, a cold chill snaked through her veins, and she clutched the jacket tighter around her. Maybe she was coming down with a bug. God knew she hadn’t been taking care of herself worth a damn.

Damon would have taken care of you. He would have never let you get so run-down.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. It wasn’t Damon’s responsibility to take care of her. It was hers.

“Can you forget?” Faith asked. “Really? Or are you instead going to screw up the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re afraid?”

Serena gave her friend a startled look. “Afraid?”

“Yeah, afraid. Afraid that if you put your faith, your well-being, your entire self in Damon’s hands, that he’ll let you down, that he’ll screw up.”

“Serena, if that’s the case, then you’ll never have a relationship with a man,” Julie said with a sigh. “Believe me, I know. I’m not sure that fear ever goes away. We’re women. We’re conditioned to fear betrayal, I think. Or at least it feels that way.”

“It’s not that,” Serena said quietly. “Damon wouldn’t hurt me. I know that. I’m afraid I can’t be what he needs. I’m afraid I’ll hurt him.”

Faith sighed. “Shouldn’t you let Damon decide whether or not he wants to take the risk?”

Serena had no answer for that. The question discomfited her because it was too close to the truth. She’d taken the decision out of Damon’s hands entirely.

She buried her face in her hands. She was so damn tired. She wanted to sleep for a year.

Faith squeezed her leg and got up from her chair. Serena glanced up to see her check her watch and exchange glances with Julie.

“We’ve got to run to the store to stock up on supplies,” Julie said. “Why don’t you stay here and hang out in the sun. We won’t be gone too long.”

Serena nodded. “Thanks, guys. Really.”

Faith leaned down to hug her. “We just want you to get better.”

“If you had a rewind button, that would be cool,” Serena said with a crooked grin.

Faith looked at her with serious eyes. “Would you really go back and erase what you had with Damon if you could?”

Serena stared out over the water, watching as the waves rolled into shore and then retreated. “No,” she said honestly. “I wouldn’t trade that week for the world.”