Текст книги "Weak for Him"

Автор книги: Lyra Parish

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

Sixteen

The next morning, I woke up before the sun rose, stole the keys to the car, and grabbed the flowers from the vase on the table. I couldn't tell Luke I was going to the cemetery, and was surprised he didn't wake when I scooted from bed.

As I placed the car in park, the sun barely peeked over the river. The sky had bits of blue and pink sprinkled around, and wispy clouds that greeted me as if I were the only human alive watching the sun rise.

The grass, still wet with morning dew, crunched under my feet as I walked past the many headstones leading to my parent's graves. I refused to visit before I went to Vegas the first time. I wouldn't leave again without doing so.

The flowers looked nice in the grave vases. I should have been more prepared, but tried to push out the waves of guilt. Their pictures stared back at me from the headstone, both marked with the same death date, both next to one another. They would have wanted it that way, I thought. Neither one being able to go on without the other, they were too in love, even after all those years.

My father would have stolen the moon for my mother and delivered it with a bow if he could have, and vice versa. Love. The word seemed so foreign.

I knelt down in front of the headstones and looked up at the heavens. The clouds continued to move. The sun hung a little higher while the sky faded from pink to light blue. I stared for minutes without blinking, feeling nothing but blankness.

Would a person ever get over death?

Death.

It seemed so unfair to every living thing. But something I would have to accept. Everything died and became a part of the universe, and the stars. Eventually, we would all be dust and nothing that we did in life would matter.

I knelt down and picked at the grass that had barely started to grow. They had only been gone for a blink in time.

"I love you both so much. Every day that you aren't here, I feel like something is missing. I hope. I hope that if you can hear me that you know that I love you. Did you see the house? It's exactly how you always wanted it, down to the wall being removed from the living room to open up the space."

I laughed to swallow down the tears. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry. Crying was a sign of weakness, and I refused.

"You didn't warn me that it would be this hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on, and that I don't want to."

I took in a deep breath, trying not to lose it.

"I want you to be proud of me."

I stood, and dusted off my wet knees and touched the headstones before walking away.

Little, yellow butterflies fluttered in front of me as if it were a sign from my parents telling me they loved me. And if it wasn't, I would take it as if was anyway. On the way back, I stopped at Davis Donuts and picked up a few maple bacon donuts and kolaches. Mr. Davis, the owner, gave me a grin, wished me a safe trip back to Vegas, and refused to take my money. Typical.

I walked up the steps where Luke sat in a rocking chair drinking a cup of coffee.

"Good morning," I said.

"Morning, love," he said, and then glanced down at my wet, grass-stained knees. I handed him the bag, and forced him to eat the best damn bacon donut in Texas before we went upstairs for our bags.

On the way out the door, I hugged the Hanleys goodbye and thanked them for the beautiful job they did with the place. Once our luggage was packed in the trunk, Luke hopped in the car, waiting before starting it.

"Are you going to tell me where you really went this morning?"

"Will you tell me what the thirteen symbolizes?"

"Touché. I will tell you, but you first."

"I went to the cemetery."

"To?"

"Take care of some business that I've been putting off."

"It's the day I was born. March thirteenth."

"Will you tell me about the house we stayed in?"

"Tell me about the Mark Twain quote."

He smiled a devilish grin. "You are bound to find out more about them one way or another, aren't you?"

"I think it's a fair trade."

"My mother read a lot of Mark Twain to me when I was a kid. That quote symbolized every harsh thing that's happened to me in life while reminding me of her." He paused, and then continued. "The world owes me nothing. I'm nothing more than a small footprint. I know it seems that I've had things handed to me on a silver platter, but… it isn't true. I want you to know that."

"Wow. That's powerful. And I didn't. The longer I'm with you, the more I realize how much I don't know about you."

"I could say the same about you. So. Carry on. Tell me."

I sucked in a deep breath.

"I grew up in that house. The room we slept in, that was my old bedroom."

Luke didn't ask any more questions. He didn't need to, and I respected him for not prying.

"I didn't know, you know. I'd have never brought you here if I would have," he said.

"I know. Your intentions were where they needed to be. I get it. It's no big deal. But next time, I think I'd prefer a beach."

Laughter filled the car. Beaches, we both hated them.

"I want to bring you to London. Have you ever been there before?"

I shook my head.

"I want to walk through the streets of Paris with you, let you experience my tourist city since I've already enjoyed yours. We can watch the Eiffel tower light the night sky, and drink wine. I want to take you through the heart of historic areas. It isn't the same as the States, you know. It's almost magical. I want you to experience it all, the Seine River, the Notre Dame Cathedral, the things most only think exist in fairy tales."

"I'd like that."

Turbulence and terrible food fueled the flight. No amount of mini bottles of booze or Dramamine could help it, but I kept dreaming about Paris, and Luke, and the semi-secrets I shared with him on the way home. No one knew personal things about me in Vegas. Granted, he didn't know the whole story, but just enough to get him in trouble. A simple Google search would give my parents' deaths and me away. Nothing was private these days.

Once on the ground, fatigue and hunger blanketed my body. The weather was colder and different from Texas, and I wanted nothing more than a hot shower and a handful of aspirin. I felt like we time traveled from the airport to Felton's and to the moment that Luke escorted me to the front door. I waited for him to speak.

"Thank you for the wonderful time. It was nice being your boyfriend for the weekend. Send my regards to Julie."

He laughed and tried walking away.

"I don't think so. Not so quick." I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged. Then, I kissed him on the cheek and pulled away. "Thank you."

"I'm already planning Paris." His finger trailed the outside of my jaw and then he walked away. The Volvo zoomed down the driveway.

Once inside, I leaned against the door and closed my eyes, hoping my head would stop swimming. Too many emotions happened too quickly.

I dragged the suitcase up the stairs and changed into some running clothes. Breaking myself down physically usually helped clear my mind. My parents, the house, tattoos, Texas rendezvous, and the heart of Paris, I couldn't concentrate.

The weather was too nice for me to ignore the opportunity to release all the tension through my body. I pulled my hair into a tight ponytail, jogged down the stairs, and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jesse asked as she sipped a cup of tea.

"Out for a jog. Gotta stay fit, you know. It's in the contract."

"Yes, we wouldn't want your ass any bigger than it already is."

"And I don't want a flabby granny ass like yours," I said and then mumbled "bitch" as I walked away.

I did a few quick stretches outside. The temperature had dropped, and the cool air stung as it entered my lungs, but the fresh dryness relaxed me.

Fall, finally.

The slow pace down the long drive would help me warm my muscles. I knew that it was a mile to the country road and a mile back so I would get in two miles, maybe four if I felt up to it.

My feet hit the pavement, but I stayed light on my toes. When I ran, I felt free, strong, and unstoppable.

My heart beat hard, and I picked up the pacing, almost to a full sprint. Air flowed in through my nose and out my mouth, and halfway to my checkpoint, I wished for a pair of gloves. Although my blood pumped fast, and my body felt warm, my fingers and toes stayed cold. But I continued forward.

At the end of the driveway, I checked my time, nine-minute mile, not bad, but not my best. Warm-up lap. I tapped the gate with my fingertips and then took off again. I pushed harder, and faster, with hopes to beat my personal best. The wind carried me to the house as it flowed with me instead of against. I ran to the front steps and tapped the front door, eight minutes and twenty-nine seconds.

"Yes. In your face," I said to myself between breaths that I could almost see.

"What's in my face?" Finnley stood in a pair of running pants and matching windbreaker.

"I cut my time down. Just celebrating."

"Congratulations. Want another go?"

I clicked my heart rate monitor and took off running.

Eat my dust, suckaaaa.

I pushed myself harder than I did the last run. The newfound pace was above my comfort level, but I refused to slow down and dug deep inside. My fingers grazed the gate at the end. The normal break I usually took was skipped when Finn kept running.

"Hey! Don't cheat," I yelled at him and then forced myself to run at his speed.

"Haven't you learned yet?" His breathing was heavy and sexy as he spoke between breaths. I tried not to ball my fists and concentrated on relaxing my body, and moving as a well-oiled machine.

"It's all about pacing, Ms. Downs."

I laughed as I tried to sprint ahead of him, but he was faster, stronger. Neck and neck, we ran beside one another until he left me in his tracks. He stood with his shoulder against the wooden door as I sprinted to catch up.

"I will outrun you any day," he said.

I checked my watch: thirteen minutes.

"Woohoo! Two miles. At seven and a half minutes. That's the fastest I've—"

"Go again?"

"Nope. I'm done. I've beaten my personal record."

Sweat dripped into my eyes, and burned, but I wiped it away.

"Come on, have another go. I'll slow down to your level if you'd like."

The smirk that spread across his face drew out the competitive side in me. I exhaled, but gave in to the challenge. But this time, I didn't race; I took it slow and steady as he instructed. From my peripheral, I could see his body flexing with each movement. His hair, messy and flat from sweat, was tucked behind his ears.

Pure sex.

"How long have you been running?" I asked.

"Since Uni. I ran on the varsity team."

"No wonder I'll never beat you. You're body has been trained. Not fair."

"Very good. I pick up the pace, and you follow. Not the first time I've guided you."

The thoughts of Finn touching my body and speeding up and then slowing down, gave me a bolt of adrenaline. I took the shot with pleasure and doubled my speed. Second wind, just what I needed.

As I ran past him, I thought I heard him chuckle. And as he passed me, I knew why. It was cute that I really thought I could beat him. I tapped the front door and checked my time: twelve minutes and fifty-six seconds. I actually squealed in excitement over my new record. Sweat dripped from my face onto my shirt, but I didn't care. I wasn't that kind of girl.

"I've never been that fast," I said.

"It seems as if I bring out the best in you." His raised eyebrow was such a simple seductive act that begged and drew me closer as he leaned on the doorframe.

"Maybe you do," I whispered.

He opened his arms, and I hesitated. I couldn't allow him to hold me. As I walked closer, he grabbed me and pulled me into him. Warmth flooded me and I wanted to stand there forever, but I had to jerk away. Get away from him before he smothered me in his scent, the one that melted my emotions so easily.

Click. Click.

The door swung open, and Finn fell backward pulling me with him. Jesse stood over us as we lay on top of one another on the cold marble floor.

"Your timing is incredible," Finn said directly to Jesse.

She tightened her fists, and her nostrils flared.

"The final bids are in, thought you'd be happy to know the outcome," she said dryly.

I stared into Finn's greens, and his didn't leave mine. We were stuck in a moment together, and neither one of us wanted to break free. He apologized with his gaze as he helped me from the floor. My body ached for him and his touch, but I withdrew.

Jesse handed over the golden envelope, and he took it without any emotion.

It was really happening. I would give myself to someone, someone who wasn't Finnley Felton.

The destiny of my virginity rested in his hands.

Who would be the lucky bidder?

He opened the envelope and pulled out the golden letter.

"Of fucking course," he whispered as he handed it over for me to read for myself.

LUKETON BRAND

The words should have shocked me, surprised me in some way, but I knew better. I knew Luke, or at least thought I did. The smile that wanted to form on my lips vanished as Finn walked up the stairs and slammed his door. Jesse gave me her typical, "are you fucking happy now" look and a smirk. I turned and went upstairs, making sure to slam my door just as loud.

Knock. Knock.

"Hey, Jen." Lori stood on the other side of the door.

"Come in."

She greeted me with a smile and sat beside me on the edge of the bed.

"Did you hear what happened while you were gone?"

I shook my head.

"Jesse is pissed at you and wants you fired. Felton and her got into a huge argument over it, and he called her a bitch and left. He didn't return until you came back."

"I… I had no idea."

"You should watch out, Jen. Seriously. Felton has never treated any of his girls the way he treats you. He's always been all business. If you get in too deep with him, Jesse will fire you. She has the legal right, and boy is she pissed. Oh my god. You should have heard her screaming at him. I've never heard her use that tone. Everyone was home, too. It reminded me of my parents before they got a divorce."

"Why is she so upset?"

Lori looked at me, dumbfounded.

"Wait. You don't know?"

I shook my head.

"Jen. She has been in love with Felton for years. Since she became his right hand woman."

"That's against the rules," I protested.

"One must first admit he or she is in love and then act upon it," Lori said as if she were reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

"Have you seen the way she looks at him? It's kind of the way he looks at you," she said.

I had no words. I never noticed the way she looked at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Jennifer. He looks at you like you are, like… you're the sunrise in the morning. The light of his day that greets him from the darkness."

"Always so poetic."

"Just watch out, okay?" She stood and hugged me. "And please try to have fun when you have sex for the first time."

"Okay."

"Promise me."

"I promise. Hey, Lori?"

"Yeah?"

"Will it hurt? You know, when I finally do it."

"You'll be fine. I think you'll enjoy it, you little sex kitten. You're ready."

She winked at me and gave a tight squeezed hug. When Lori left the room, she left me with a mind full of questions.

I pushed open the window and let the cool night air kiss my skin.

Greets him from the darkness… Her words echoed in my mind.

Seventeen

The next morning I woke to curtains being ripped open and sunlight being forced in.

"Time to get up." Finn seemed aggravated.

I rustled in bed, throwing my arm over my face. He ripped the covers from me, and I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster.

"You are so annoying," I mumbled.

"Stand up."

I did what I was told, but didn't want to.

"What will we do today, sir?" I asked so calmly, so sweetly that he almost smiled, but didn't.

"Don't call me that anymore."

"Yes, sir." I batted my eyes in his direction. He lightly grumbled, and I saw his body slightly loosened.

"You will be going shopping today. Luketon agreed that Friday would be perfect for him. He has a big night planned for you, and you need to be ready."

I moved closer to Finn, not taking my eyes from his. Once closer, I rubbed my hands down his arms and ran my lips across the outside of his.

"Stop that. Do you think you can just wake up one morning and do whatever the fuck you want?"

With force, he grabbed my wrists and lifted my hands above my head then slammed me against the wall. My breathing increased as he parted my legs. With light nibbles up my neck, he kept my arms tight above my head and whispered in my ear. "I told you not to call me 'sir' anymore. So don't fucking do it again."

He slammed my wrists against the wall, taking his anger out on me.

"You have to listen to me, Jennifer."

He stressed between gritted teeth. His breathing increased as did mine.

"What will you do to me if I don't, sir?"

"You don't know how to fucking listen, do you?"

Finn bit his bottom lip, and tightened his grip on my wrists as he held my arms up with one hand. With the other, he ran his fingers through my hair and then popped the buttons from my shirt and ripped my panties off my body. The slight pain felt good. He parted my legs wider, and I leaned my head against the wall.

"Can I tell you what I want you to do to me, sir?" Each time I said it, he tightened his grasp. I could feel his hardness against my body, and I knew he wanted me, and that alone gave me great satisfaction. To know that I was in control and that he still wanted me, sexually. I didn't struggle, I wanted him to take me, and if he wouldn't, I would drive him just as crazy as he drove me. Payback was a bitch.

With two fingers, he ran his hand between my legs and felt the wetness.

"Mmm. You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Only if you want me to, sir."

My eyes rolled in the back of my head as he touched my magic button. I tried to hold back a moan, but couldn't.

"Do you want me to like it, sir?" I whispered as I traced the bottom of his ear with my lips.

He continued to pin my arms as he loosened his tie, and unbuttoned his shirt. Muscles. The shirt dropped to the floor.

"I do," he said, and released my arms.

He undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. His hardness wanted me just as I wanted him. As I reached to unzip his pants, he grabbed my wrists and slammed them above my head again.

"No. No. Luketon wouldn't like if his virgin no longer had a cherry for him to pop. And if you start this, I can't guarantee I would fucking stop."

I laughed.

"Not you. You would never lose control, sir."

My words were soft, sensual, pure sex.

"You must not know me very well. Not very well at all."

Then his lips crashed into mine and our tongues wrestled with one another. Aggressive lips kissed me with such intensity; I barely caught my breath. He broke away, his pants fell to the floor and he stood in front of me in only boxers. I grabbed the bottom of his lip with my mouth and our lips mingled with one another again. Kisses. Kisses I so desperately wanted and needed. Forbidden kisses that could get me fired quicker than a heartbeat.

Finn slid his thumbs under the elastic band of his boxers. I leaned back, smiled, and waited to see him naked for the first time, hoping that I finally would get to feel him inside me.

"Oh, Jennifer. I've…" Finn hesitated.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Jesse stood in the doorway.

"Fucking hell," Finnley said coldly as he pulled up his pants and adjusted his belt.

"Get dressed, Jennifer. We have to prepare you for Friday," Jesse said, and then glanced at Finnley. He was the only reason I didn't get my ass chewed up and spit out.

Our eyes met, and I could feel the raw lust pulling us together like a magnet, hoping we finally would snap together. He clenched his jaw and stormed from the room. Jesse gave me a "you're a dirty little whore, and you're fired" look simultaneously with pursed lips. I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a hand and went to Finn. The unfinished sentence that he started would haunt me for the rest of the day.

"That can never fucking happen again," Jesse yelled in the kitchen. "Never. Now I have to bring her fucking shopping when I should be firing her ass!"

I walked into the room and saw Finn leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. Paisley stood beside him. Once we made eye contact, he left without a word. Fucking fantastic.

"Ready?" Jesse asked with a vengeance in her voice.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I said, not adding "which is never" to the end of my phrase.

"Luketon has something extremely special planned for you. Our goal is to find a few things that will fit the occasion. New wardrobe, lingerie, haircut, waxing—the whole nine yards. I know how much you love to shop for lingerie," Paisley said to me.

Jesse snatched a set of keys from the counter along with her purse. Once outside, I saw V zooming away. Finn had left like a bat out of hell. I sighed and let regret flood over me. Admittedly, I shouldn't have brought it to that level. I should have stopped while I was ahead. But I couldn't. Deep inside I needed to know how he felt. I didn't give two shits about anything else.

I didn't say a word as I climbed into the passenger seat.

Jesse sighed loudly, wanting to say something to me, daring me to say something to her. Instead, I stared out the window and watched the people in the passing cars.

"Jennifer. Don't you ever put Finnley in that situation again. I fucking swear if you do, I will have your ass shipped back to Texas so fast that you won't know what fucking hit you."

Jesse pulled the car to the side of the road and grabbed the bottom of my face, forcing me to look at her.

"You think you're so smart. That I don't see through your little sweet, innocent virgin game? Just know that if Luketon hadn't paid what he did for you, I would've fired you on the spot weeks ago. Consider this your warning. If you and Finn 'just happen' again, you're fucking gone."

She didn't have to say anything else, and I had nothing to add. Another moment passed, and Jesse released the stronghold on my face. Rage flared inside of me, and I swallowed angry tears back. I wouldn't give her joy of knowing how pissed I was.

Back on the road, back toward the city, and I was back on track to fulfill all Luketon's sexual desires. I always imagined my first time with a man would be with someone I loved and respected. Someone who would make love to me until the sun rose. Someone who would hold me in his arms and tell me how beautiful I was. But the first time I had sex, it would be for money. How cheap did that make me?

We pulled into Ester's, and I unbuckled, but hesitated before opening the door. Who the fuck did Jesse think she was? Enough was enough. I turned and looked at her with so much hate and anger that I thought I saw her shudder.

"If you ever touch me like that again, you'll wish you wouldn't have. Consider that your warning, bitch," I said. The shock and anger that covered her face warmed my little angry heart. I gently shut the door and heard the slamming of hers.

The bell above the door rang and the smell of incense filled Ester's.

"Hey, Jennifer. It's nice to see you again. Can I help you with something?"

"Yep, big night on Friday. I need something extra sexy and extra special."

Belinda walked over to a smoky gray corset with cream lace lined through the sides.

"It arrived yesterday, and if I remember correctly, it's your size. It was a special gift from a European designer and sent straight to the store. A nice little surprise, I thought."

She handed it to me with a smile and pointed toward the dressing room. "Let me know if you need any help," she said.

The detailing and thread, which was also cream-colored, looked hand sewn. Whoever made this took pride in their work, and if it fit, I would take pride in wearing it. I removed my clothes and couldn't wait to feel the soft silk and lace on my body. Like the glass slipper in Cinderella, every piece of the wonderfully handcrafted lingerie fit perfectly. I laced up back as tight as I could, and smiled.

"How's it going in there, honey?" I heard her say from the front counter.

"You have to see this, Belinda. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever worn."

I lifted my hair above my neck and checked out my backside as footsteps travel down the hallway. She would be so thrilled to see how well it fit. The doorknob jiggled, and I unlocked it.

"See how well it fits my hips?" I dropped my hair and focused on jade green eyes.

Finn.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said.

I swallowed. I opened my mouth and closed it.

"Glad to know I can handpick lingerie for you."

He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer to him. Our lips slammed into one another with so much force and passion, and we couldn't get enough of one another. Want and need, and desire mixed inside of our mouths, we fought a battle neither one of us would ever win. He pushed me against the wall, and I moaned his name.

"Finn."

His forehead touched mine, and he placed one finger over my lips.

"Shh."

I opened mouth and began sucking his lip, wishing it were him. With gentle hands, he ran his fingers across my face and through my hair. Soft lips kissed my neck, my mouth, and the tops of my breasts, causing little chill bumps to cover my body. My heart fluttered with excitement.

"Each time I think of you with Luketon, it kills a small piece of me." He nibbled on my ear. "I can't stand the thought of you lying in bed with him. You giving that piece of yourself that should belong to me… that piece of you that I've wanted since the first time I laid eyes on you."

I ran my hands up his shirt and brushed them across his skin. He continued to whisper. "You drive me crazy. Your hair. Your smell. Your innocence."

I needed to talk. To tell him how I felt, but each time, he would stop and kiss my mouth.

"Don't say a word," he said, breathlessly.

"I've never loved another person since… I don't know how. But I know that loving you would be easy," he said, giving me more of his all-encapsulating kisses.

This is it, I thought. The moment where he would tell me how he truly feels. Where we would speak all of the unspoken words we exchanged with our bodies. I waited for him to tell me everything I wanted to hear.

"But we can't keep doing this, Jennifer."

And as if someone punched me in the throat, he pulled away and shut me off instantaneously. Before I completely lost Finnley, I begged, pulling the hem of his shirt for him to come closer.

"Please," I somehow managed to choke out.

One last time, he grabbed the bottom of my chin, and kissed me so soft, so sweet, so sensually that I almost melted into him completely.

"We can't do this ever again, Jennifer. This has to stop now before we're in too deep. Before we do something that we both regret."

He turned and walked to the door, but stopped before leaving.

"I would never regret any moments I share with you," I said.

Crossing his arms, Finn leaned against the door, taking one last look as if he would never see me this way again.

"Luketon will love seeing you in that."

He leaned over, pressed his lips against my cheek, and then he was gone.

The jingle of the bell rang down the hall, letting the whole building know that he had left. Deflated, completely and utterly empty, I sat on the floor and tried not to let my emotions take over. Eventually, I would break down. But it wouldn't be today.

The realization hit that maybe I was weak after all, weak for Finnley Felton.