Текст книги "Calling Me Home"
Автор книги: Louise Bay
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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 7 страниц)
Luke let out an unintelligible cry from behind me, and the pads of his fingers pressed so deep I thought he was climbing inside me. My legs buckled under the force of his thrusts, and I lay flat on the bed as he chased his orgasm. Seconds later, he released himself into me.
He collapsed on top of me then rolled to my side. “What are you doing to me?” His voice was thick with exertion as he pulled my limp body so I was strewn across him. “You’re amazing. I love you.”
“You’re amazing, and I love you.”
“Then there will be plenty of amazing to go around in this flat when you move in.”
“There’s no way you can hold me to that. You were torturing me. You’re the lawyer; you should know that evidence obtained as a result of duress doesn’t hold up in court.”
Luke pushed himself up on his elbows, and I looked at him from my position on his chest. “You’re moving in with me, Ashleigh. You agreed and I’m holding you—”
“You don’t think it’s too fast?” Normal couples didn’t live together weeks after getting together. I hated to ruin what we had by moving too quickly.
“We’ve been waiting our whole lives. We know each other better than almost anyone else in the entire world. Let’s not waste any more time.” His tone was equally pleading and determined, and I found that I wasn’t as panicked as perhaps I should be. Maybe we were special.
I got butterflies at the thought that we might actually be doing this. “I insist on paying you rent.”
“You’re my lover, not my roommate.” He linked his fingers through mine. “We’ll be paying a mortgage, and I’ll cover it while you’re in school.”
I pressed my lips to his chest. It was time to believe in the fairytale and take a leap of faith.
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“What was that?”
I looked up, and he was grinning at me.
“Okay,” I repeated.
“Okay? Okay what?”
Apparently, Luke’s desire to torture me hadn’t dimmed.
“Okay, I’ll move in with you. As long as you promise me orgasms on demand.”
“So, you want me to be your Orgasm Netflix?”
I nodded. “Yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
Luke rolled me over and propped himself up next to me. “Are you just using me for sex?”
I grinned. “Ummm, yes. I thought we were clear about that?”
“Right,” he replied, jumping off the bed. I wondered if he was mad until he grabbed me by my feet, pulled me to the edge of the bed and hoisted me over his shoulder.
“If you want orgasms, you’re going to have to shower regularly.”
I squealed as he slapped my ass and stalked into the bathroom.
Luke
I slumped on the sofa in Ashleigh’s flat.
“You’re bored.”
Ashleigh was right, but I wasn’t exactly trying to hide it.
“I said for you to go for a run while I do this.”
We were meant to be packing her flat up, readying for the movers coming tomorrow. But she had so much crap, it didn’t seem like we were making much progress. All morning she had been giving me reasons why living together wasn’t going to work out, and it was fucking me off.
“I know, but I want to be with you. It’s just, you know, this stuff is boring. I want to skip to the bit where we’re waking up naked on Sunday morning together.”
“Life is boring. We can’t spend all our time in bed. If I’m living with you, you’re going to be bored more and more often.”
I sighed. “You’re pissing me off now. It’s as if you’re looking for an argument, and I’m just not going to give you one. You’re not sabotaging this.”
“Me?” she yelled. “You’re the one that wanted us to move in together. It’s your fault.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m a terrible person. I just want us to be happy. Go ahead and shoot me.”
When Ashleigh didn’t reply, I turned. Her mouth was scrunched up. She was clearly thinking about how she was going to respond.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. She moved toward the sofa where I was sitting and stood in front of me. “I’m just nervous. I want everything to be perfect and all my shit is everywhere and there’s more than I thought and I don’t see how it’s all going to fit—”
“Ashleigh, take a breath, or you’re going to pass out and that’s really going to piss me off.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her onto my lap. “We’re going to have bumps along the way and nothing’s going to be perfect, but that’s okay as long as we’re both heading in the same direction. You’ve got to understand that our future is together, and nothing is going to change that.”
She pushed her bottom lip out like a toddler. “I love you, and I want to live with you. It’s just . . . it’s stressful.”
I pulled her close and snaked my arms around her waist. “I know it is. But there’s nothing to be nervous about. I’ve seen you hung over with panda eyes. I’ve seen you ugly cry. I’ve put up with your crazy when your hormonal hurricane hits. And I don’t love you in spite of all that—I love you because of all that stuff. We know each other, Ashleigh.”
She smoothed her hands over my chest and rested her cheek against my shirt. “This romantic, grown-up, protective side of you is, well, not new, but more concentrated than before. Does that make sense?”
She was right. I was a little different with her now. I’d always been protective of her, but now I’d kill for her. “I told you. You bring all that stuff, all that good, out in me.” I was a better man with her.
“Okay, they’re calm,” she said, gazing at me.
“Who are?”
“The leprechauns who’ve been running about in my stomach all morning. They’ve all had a dose of the Luke Daniels’ sedative.”
“Now you’ve got me worried. If you have leprechauns living inside you, then maybe it’s not such a good idea to be moving in together. Maybe you’re better off in a mental health facility.” I chuckled as she rolled her eyes at me as if I were the one who had said something ridiculous. “Actually, speaking of leprechauns, I have a wives and girlfriends thing at work next weekend. I keep meaning to tell you. Can you come?”
“And it involves leprechauns? Well then, yes of course. I love leprechauns.”
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “I’m serious. It’s a client thing. A rugby match—England’s playing Ireland on Saturday.”
“Sure.” She shrugged.
“Sure?” Was it really going to be that easy? Emma had never wanted to come to my work events.
“Yeah, it’ll be fun.”
And just like that, she was trying to make me happy, wanting to spend time with me, wherever we were. It had never been like that with Emma.
“I’ll have to teach you the rules. I don’t want you to be like the other WAGs there.”
“I’ve known you for more than twenty years. You think I’ve not picked up on how Rugby Union is played?”
I bent my head and dropped a kiss on the corner of her mouth, trying to distract myself from the swell of pride in my chest. I loved that my girl knew rugby, that she knew me so well. “You smell good.”
“You always say that.”
“That’s because it’s always true.”
She pulled away from me. “Okay, let’s kick ass with this packing and then go back to yours and get naked.”
“Now, there’s an incentive. I’ll start on the kitchen.”
“I’m putting on some motivating music.” Ashleigh moved toward her speaker system.
“Okay, but, please God, lay off the P!nk.” I found an empty packing box and took it into the kitchen. “Jesus,” I whispered to myself as the strains of Taylor Swift filtered in from the living room.
“Sorry,” Ashleigh shouted and Miss Swift gave way to Otis Redding. A perfect compromise.
I grinned and started to pull out saucepans from the cupboard nearest the door. We were doing this. We were really doing this. I’d lived with Emma, but for me that had been about pooling resources. With Ashleigh, it was about starting a future together. Emma had told me that moving in, for her, had been the first step toward marriage and kids. I’d never seen it like that. But of course, that was exactly what it should have been. I’d been naïve and unwittingly cruel. A slice of guilt cut through me as I thought about it.
I just hadn’t realized how love should be.
I finished the kitchen off quickly and went to see what progress Ashleigh had made. Otis Redding had since melted into Stevie Wonder. I found her in her bedroom, her back toward me and her hands on her hips, looking around for her next task. I knew what Stevie meant—Ashleigh knocked me off my feet.
“I think I’m done,” she said as she caught me gazing at her. “How are you getting on?”
I stuffed my hands in my pockets to stop myself from pushing her up against the wall and ripping her underwear off. “Kitchen’s all packed up.”
“Well then, that’s it. I don’t need to pack my clothes. The movers said they’d do that. Jesus, how are we going to fit all this stuff in your place?”
“Our place.”
Ashleigh smiled. “Yes, I suppose it will be.”
“We can move if the space isn’t right. I’m only renting month to month. We really should find somewhere to buy together.” As usual, my mind was racing forward to the next phase of our lives while Ashleigh was still getting used to moving in together.
“Are you trying to give me a coronary? Let me get used to this first. One step at a time.”
And there was the answer to the question of whether or not she was ready for me to propose. My heart sank a little. I’d passed by the jewelers in Hatton Garden twice since I’d first seen the ring I had in mind for her. It was still in the window, but I didn’t know how long that would last. I really wanted to show it to her, to ask her. She clearly wasn’t ready. Perhaps I could get it now and just hold on to it until the time was right? I was pretty sure I could get Ashleigh to a place where she wanted to be my wife. I just wasn’t sure how long it would take.
“Okay, so let’s get back for NCN.”
“Should I ask what NCN is? Promise me it’s not sports.” She clasped her hands together in front of herself in a mock prayer.
“Naked Chinese Night, obviously. It can be our first new tradition.”
“You’re crazy.” She pushed at my chest.
“But you love me anyway.”
“I love you because you’re crazy, not in spite of it.” She lifted up on her toes and grazed her lips over my jaw. There was no better feeling. Now I just had to get her to marry me, and life would be perfect.
Ashleigh
“We’re going to need a bigger place.” Wherever I looked there was a half-unpacked cardboard box. How was it possible to have accumulated so much stuff in less than thirty years on this planet—and on a nurse’s salary? With two pairs of evening shoes, I wasn’t a girl who thought of herself as having a lot of things. Apparently, I was wrong.
Luke chuckled. “You think? I don’t want to say I told you so—hell, what am I saying? I don’t mind saying it at all. I told you so.”
“Whatever. You were right.”
“So, we’ll look at places to buy?”
I shrugged. Now I was here with all my things, it felt less strange than I’d expected it to. Luke was right. It was inevitable that we were going to be together, so it was easier to accept that and move forward rather than constantly put the brakes on. “Fine, but can you at least wait until tomorrow to start Googling? We have guests due any minute. Whose idea was it to do Sunday dinner here anyway?” I narrowed my eyes accusingly at Luke.
“Erm, that would be you.”
“It can’t have been me because, as you know, I’m perfect, and Beth, Jake and Haven arriving in less than thirty minutes is far from perfect. I’m blaming Jake.”
“Okay, that works. He’ll be fine with that.”
The chicken was in the oven, the bathroom clean. I just needed to clear out some of the boxes, and we’d be halfway to making the place just look cramped and uncared for, which would be a distinct improvement. I’d wanted to welcome my family into our home, and for everything to be shiny and beautiful. That wasn’t going to happen, and I had to accept that.
“What’s that smell?” I jerked my head toward the kitchen. Luke bolted for the oven, bringing the glass door down with a thump.
“Crispy chicken is always better than soggy chicken,” Luke said as he stared into the cooker. He was authoritative but unconvincing.
My shoulders sagged. “Let’s take a look.” I peered into the oven to see what looked like a large lump of coal. “Well, at least we can be sure it’s dead.”
Luke chuckled. “Yes, that’s for certain. It doesn’t matter. I could do a chili, or what about enchiladas?”
I looked at my watch. “Make out with me?”
“What did you say?”
“I don’t care about the chicken or what’s going to replace it. I don’t care that the place is a mess or that I need to brush my hair. We have twenty-five minutes. It’s not long enough to get naked. So let’s make out. We can worry about what we’re going to eat when people arrive.” Having all my stuff unpacked and being able to produce Sunday dinner no longer seemed so important. Luke was what I wanted, and I needed to make sure I didn’t lose sight of that. I lifted myself up onto the kitchen counter and grabbed at his shirt, pulling him over to me so he was standing between my legs. “De-stress me.”
He smoothed his hands over my hips and kissed my forehead. I sank into his touch, the anxiety seeping away. He was all I needed.
The intercom buzzed, and we pulled away from each other, exchanging confused glances. We should have had twenty-five minutes of delicious kissing before we were interrupted.
“Stay there; maybe it’s someone who has the wrong flat.” Luke went to investigate. Before he’d reached the intercom, someone was banging on the front door. I slid off the counter. Our make-out session was clearly on hiatus.
I heard Haven scream, and I padded toward the ruckus in time to see her push past Luke and bolt into the guest bathroom.
“Sorry, mate, she’s been like that all week,” Jake explained as he handed Luke a bottle of wine.
“Irritable and pushy? She’s been like that her whole life,” Luke responded.
“It’s morning sickness,” Jake said.
Haven hadn’t mentioned being sick when I’d spoken to her earlier in the week.
“Hey there, how are the internet videos going? The feedback on that one with the honey was amazing,” I told Beth, who was hiding behind Jake.
“Please don’t make my sister sound like a porn star,” Jake said on a sigh.
Leaving Haven in the bathroom, the rest of us shuffled into the living room. Jake started to laugh. “Were you not expecting us?”
It really was a total disaster zone. “We were too busy shagging to worry about the state of the place. So distracted in fact that we burnt the chicken—”
“We’re going to take you out, if that’s okay,” Luke interrupted. I was so grateful to him for suggesting that. At least if I wasn’t in this place, I wouldn’t have to think about the mess it was in. “We’ll just wait for Haven to finish vomiting.”
Beth started to giggle.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“Don’t be,” Beth replied. “It’s good to know that you’re not perfect. You always seem so together.”
Luke burst out laughing, and I playfully smacked him on the arm. “Thank you, but it if seems like that then I need to diagnose you with a serious disease. I mean this with love: you have a severe case of shit in your eyes.”
The following day I’d booked off work, so I spent the day getting our place straightened out. It was beginning to look like home, with things of mine nestled against things of his. His books mixed with mine in the study and my toothbrush next to his in the bathroom.
I’d even bought some plant food from the flower shop on the corner for the magnolia tree I’d given Luke. They had some magnolia blooms that I also purchased and arranged in a vase on the table in a bid to show Luke that the collection of sticks poking out of the ground would become something beautiful if we took care of them.
By the time Luke arrived home from work, the place was looking fantastic, and so was I. I’d slipped into the gothic red underwear he’d bought me just a few weeks ago, which were still my favorite despite him giving me several sets since. As I heard his key in the lock, I put on my highest heels and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge.
“Hey, honey, I’m home,” he called from the hallway. “Wow, this place is looking great,” he said, scanning the living area before he settled his eyes on me. “But not as good as you, apparently.”
I took a swig out of the bottle and held it out for him. He moved toward me, took the beer and put it straight on the counter behind me. “I’m not thirsty.” His voice had that gravelly edge to it that I was only just getting used to. Lust lapped at my edges, and my eyes flitted to his crotch, then back up to his face.
He raised his eyebrows. “Like what you see?”
“I bought flowers,” I stuttered, moving across to the sofa where the magnolia blooms were in a vase on a side table. Luke came up behind me and kissed my neck.
“I can’t focus on anything when you’re dressed like that. You’ve got me so hard.” He fumbled with his zipper and pushed me gently over the back of the sofa. “Jesus, you’re perfect.” His fingers slipped inside my underwear, and he groaned. “So wet.”
His cock grazed the cleft of my ass, then pushed lower and right up to the hilt. He’d been in the door for under a minute, and he was already fucking me. He knew just what I needed.
His hands scorched my skin as his palms folded over my shoulders and pulled me onto his cock. He thrust forward so our bodies slammed together, hard and fast. Would I ever get enough of him surrounding me like this? Sometimes he’d torture me for what seemed like days before he slid into me. He’d make me come with his fingers and his mouth before I’d finally get his cock. Other times, like this one, it was as if he had no choice but to get inside me and take his own pleasure, as if doing anything else would make him insane.
“I need you so much,” he whispered, his softly spoken words in juxtaposition with the hard, sharp movements of his hips and the press of his fingers.
Luke
I passed the jewelry store again on my Saturday morning run. Pausing a couple of stores down, I braced my hands on my knees and drew in a few long breaths that filled my lungs and had a near instant effect on my pulse. I’d not found myself in this part of the city by fluke; I’d planned my route deliberately. When I went anywhere close to this street, that ring was all I could think about. Was it still there? Would Ashleigh like it? How would she react when I showed it to her? I’d done a bit of research, and what the jeweler had said about its value and rarity seemed to stack up. Another reason not to buy it disappeared.
Living together, waking up every morning in each other’s arms, was just as great as I’d known it would be¸ and I was becoming impatient again. She seemed to have settled more quickly than I’d expected. I didn’t want to miss out on buying her the perfect ring for when the time was right to propose.
Before this visit, I’d transferred some of my savings, so I was prepared just in case.
I stood and looked toward the store. I couldn’t make out the individual items in the window, but I knew where Ashleigh’s ring should be. I took small steps toward my prize, not taking my eyes from the spot where I expected to find it. My heart thundered in my chest as the gems came into focus. Her ring wasn’t where I was used to seeing it. There wasn’t even a space for it. Shit, had I left it too long? That ring had been perfect—as if it were made for Ashleigh. It couldn’t belong to anyone else. I needed it for her. I scanned the rest of the section, hoping to see it, but nothing. I rubbed my sweaty palms down my shorts and pressed my hands against the glass, trying to find what I was looking for. The elderly owner appeared beside me again as if from nowhere.
“Hello, son, good to see you again,” she said, forcing me to look away from the window. My chest squeezed at her term of endearment. It was almost certainly a meaningless phrase for her, but to me it was a reminder of how no one referred to me as their son anymore. I wished my parents were here to see me about to buy a ring for the love of my life, for the woman I hoped would one day have our children. It gave me some comfort that they’d known her and loved her.
“Are you looking for your ring?” she asked, patting my arm. “Follow me. It’s inside.”
Had I heard her correctly? Did she say she still had it? My body tensed in anticipation.
I focused on the tinkling of the bell over the door as I followed her into the shop. “You have it?”
“Yes, I kept it back here for you. Figured you’d be back again. I’ve seen that look before. It’s the same one my husband had for me. He wanted to give me the world from the moment he met me. And he succeeded. If that’s how you feel about your girl, then you should have this ring.”
My muscles loosened. I was going home with the ring in my pocket.
“You want to give her the world?” the woman asked.
I nodded. “She always seems to give me more than I could ever give her.”
“I bet she says the same about you. That’s when you know it’s right. When it feels like a privilege to know them.”
Ashleigh made me feel like I’d been let into a secret club. A love club. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been in love before—at least, I thought I had. It was just that it hadn’t been close to what I felt for Ashleigh. With her, it felt permanent, fundamental to who I was. With Emma, I hadn’t envisioned things changing. With Ashleigh, I knew it was forever.
I ran home with the ring in my pocket, reaching for it every block or so, just to check it was there. Like everything good in my life, I wanted to share it with Ashleigh immediately. But I knew I had to be patient. I had to convince her how I felt wasn’t going to change. The switch that had awakened my feelings for Ashleigh was strictly one-way. There was no going back, but she wasn’t convinced, not yet.
“Hey, I’m back,” I shouted.
“I’m in here,” Ashleigh called from the bedroom.
Where was I going to hide the ring? I couldn’t risk her finding it and bolting. “I’m going for a shower.” I hadn’t expected her to be still in bed when I got home. I’d thought I’d stash the ring in the bedroom. “Are you okay?” I asked as I entered the bedroom.
“Just sleepy. I feel like I could sleep for days.” The urge to kneel beside her and ask her to marry me right then was huge. She filled up my heart. She looked so relaxed and sexy, lying there with her hair fanned across the pillow in the bed that we now shared, her eyes still heavy with sleep. I took a breath, trying to reason with myself. I couldn’t, not yet. I needed to give her a little more time. Convincing her to move in with me was one thing, but I wanted her to say yes without hesitation when I asked her to be my wife.
“How come you’re so sleepy? You pregnant?” I laughed, and Ashleigh rolled her eyes.
“Don’t be crazy. You kept me up most of the night, if you remember.”
I did remember. The sex had been unforgettable.
I sidled into the bathroom, trying to look as if I wasn’t concealing where the ring was stashed. When Ashleigh wasn’t around, I could carry the ring on me. It wasn’t the most security conscious of ideas but better that than her finding it and going into meltdown. When we were together, I needed to stash it somewhere.
I turned on the shower and stripped off my clothes, holding the box in my hand while looking around the bathroom for a hiding place. The door handle jangled. “Luke?”
Shit, I’d locked the door so she didn’t walk in on me while I was holding the ring. “Hang on.” I dove into the cupboard that held all the clean laundry and buried the box at the bottom of a pile of towels. I’d have to think of a better spot later. I quickly shut the cupboard, spun round and unlocked the door. “Hi.”
Ashleigh knitted her eyebrows together. “Er, hi. I was just wondering if you wanted company, but if you’d rather—”
“Of course I want company.” I pulled her inside, closed the door and started to undress her.
“You locked the door,” she said as she held her hands above her head as I stripped off her tee.
“Force of habit.” I buried my head in her neck and pushed her against the wall. It was part desire to distract her and part my reaction to her naked body.
“You’re sweaty,” she said.
“Hence the shower.” I pulled away from her and led her into the shower.
“I like it.”
“You do?”
She nodded.
“But you always smell so . . . like summer or home or—”
“You smell like you’re mine.”
“Well, that’s good, because I am.”
She wrapped her legs around me as I lifted her and walked under the spray.
Ashleigh
“That one, you can tell by the way he walks,” Haven said, gesturing at a guy on the other side of the Mexican restaurant. It was dark and loud, but not so much so that the people at the tables surrounding us hadn’t noticed Haven pointing.
“You can’t talk about another man’s cock when you’re carrying your husband’s baby.”
“Well, apparently I can because I just did. I’m just saying, you can tell. Everything about a man starts with the size of his penis. I’m thinking of writing an article about it.”
Part of me was pleased to be out with Haven, but the other part, the part I had a hard time allowing to come to the surface, wanted to spend all my time with Luke. But he was working late tonight, so I wasn’t technically giving up time with him. Jesus, when had I become that girl? “I’m going to the loo.”
“Again? You just went. I have penises to discuss with you.”
“What are you, the toilet police? And if you insist on talking about penises, I’m going to start telling you about your brother’s.” I gave her a stern look as I headed off to the bathroom, pulling out my phone to see if Luke had messaged me. I grinned as I saw the symbol at the top of the screen confirming he had.
Luke: I’ll be home by ten. Hope you’re having fun.
Ashleigh: I won’t be long after you. The hormones are making Haven crazy.
As soon as I came out of the stall, my phone pinged again.
Luke: It’s nothing to do with the hormones. I miss you.
Living together these past few weeks had been going better than I’d expected. I didn’t feel the pressure for everything to be perfect the way that I’d thought I would. Everything felt so natural between us, as if we’d been a couple forever.
I went back to the table with more enthusiasm than I’d had when I left. I hoped Haven was done talking about cock.
“Those bathrooms smell of some disgusting air freshener. I hope what they serve up smells better,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“The food is always good here.” Haven waved her hand toward the kitchen. “So how’s it going with Luke? Are you having the battle of the toilet seat?”
I grinned. “Nope. He’s good with putting the lid down.”
“He is?”
“It’s going well, actually. It doesn’t feel like the big adjustment I expected it to be.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t with Jake either. I guess when it’s right, it’s not hard work.”
“Maybe that’s it.” It felt right—as if we’d always lived together.
“You’ll be getting married next,” she said.
“As if. Luke isn’t the marrying kind. He’s already told me that.” I wasn’t exactly upset that Luke and I would never get married. More, I’d always seen marriage as part of my future—I’d just have to adjust my happy ever after. It was Luke I wanted. Not simply a husband.
“So you’ve talked about it?”
“Nope. He told me when he was talking about Emma wanting the big white dress.”
“Guys change their minds,” she offered.
“He was pretty clear. It broke him and Emma up, if you remember, and I wouldn’t place marriage over Luke. It’s a small compromise. I know he loves me.”
“It’s good to see you so happy. You have a little love glow about you.”
I grinned. I could barely stop smiling these days.
The waiter brought our food, and we clinked water glasses.
“Will you be my birthing partner?” She munched on a pepper. My stomach churned. The food wasn’t as good as it normally was. I couldn’t bring myself to eat much of anything. Haven wasn’t having the same problem.
“Jake will be your birthing partner, you crazy.”
“You know the best thing about being pregnant?”
Apart from the inability to keep on one subject for more than five seconds?
“No periods. The rest of it is terrible and terrifying. But at least I don’t have periods.”
I grinned then released the muscles in my cheeks as I checked the date on my phone. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a period. I must have mixed up my dates or my pills or something. I’d have to check when I got home. “What do you find terrifying? Having to give up your freedom?”
“Actually, not so much. More the responsibility. I want my kid to be a good person, but what happens if I fuck it up? Create a monster, or a serial killer? He or she might turn out to be a murderer.”
“It worries me that worries you.” I shook my head.
“You don’t think about it?”
“That I’m going to give birth to a serial killer? Not today or even this week, no. But then again, I’m not pregnant.” As I said the words, I started to fit together pieces of the last few weeks. The lethargy, the heightened sense of smell, the fact that food I normally loved wasn’t tasting so great—not to mention the distinct lack of my period. I couldn’t be, could I? I was on the pill and . . . I must be just sharing symptoms with Haven. I’d read that sometimes happened to close friends. At least, I thought I’d read it. I was probably coming down with something I’d picked up at the hospital. All this talk of Haven’s pregnancy was making me paranoid.
“I can’t wait for you and Luke to have kids. Say you won’t leave it too long. I want ours to be best friends. They can grow up together like we did.”
My heart swelled at the thought, but then I caught myself. “We’ve been living together for five seconds. We’re not about to get pregnant. And I’m not sure Luke wants kids. He keeps saying how sorry he feels for Jake being a father so quickly.”
“Typical that he doesn’t feel sorry for me. You’ve not talked about kids with him?” Haven asked.
I shrugged. I did want children and not having them would be a far bigger compromise for me than not getting married. I shivered as, for a fleeting second, I considered the possibility of life without Luke. I was pretty sure that if Luke wanted kids, he would have said something by now.
And that’s why there was no way I could be pregnant. A pregnancy would destroy Luke and me, and force me to make a choice that I wasn’t willing to make.
“What do you mean? You don’t want to have my brother’s kids?”
“I don’t think he wants kids, so we’re not getting pregnant.” I’d not had time to think about this seriously since we’d been together. I loved him so much that what was important was being together. I’d never let my mind wander past that point.
