Текст книги "The Wall"

Автор книги: Lauren Nicolle Taylor

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Eight, I held my breath, not wanting to inhale the gas.

Nine, it felt cool when the blue liquid hit my skin and I could feel it spreading through my body.

Ten, I had to breathe, my body convulsed, and I drew in the gas, which dried my throat instantly and burrowed into my insides like a thousand needles.

Now I understood why they restrained me. Oh my God, please. Please, someone kill me. Kill me now.

Five minutes of this was four minutes and fifty-nine seconds too long. I screamed and strained. I lifted my hips off the table as my body fought against the pain. My eyeballs felt like they were trying to jump out my head. I was aware of every drop of that liquid as it moved through my veins, burning the vessels as it went. I prayed for death—I prayed for anything to end it. I begged for them to stop but my strangled screams were met with silence.

“Rosa, it will end in 3… 2… 1. Try to stay awake.”

I blinked away tears, sure my eyeballs were bleeding, sure my whole body was burnt to a crisp. But after a few seconds, the pain released its grasp on my body and I felt fine. No, better than fine. The glass coffin rose above my head, wobbling, and the doctor appeared in my view again. Carefully removing the needles, she felt my head. The clamps released and I put my hand to my head, surprised to find a few centimeters of hair had grown to cover my bald spot. I was then suddenly reminded of my nakedness and swung up to grab the sheet on the floor. The dizziness I’d been feeling from my concussion was gone. The dull ache in my wrist was gone too. I felt like I could run for miles and never tire.

I gave Deshi a look, which he returned with concern. “I have to get back to work, Rosa. I hope you are feeling better.” He strolled quickly out of the room, anxious not to get caught up in my plans. Careen and Pietre came in right after him.

“Cool, huh?” Careen bubbled excitedly and I couldn’t help but grin back. Yes, it was pretty impressive.

Pietre just stared down at his dirty fingernails and muttered unsympathetically, “We could hear you screaming from the other end of the labs.”

The doctor cut my cast off and I dressed quickly under my sheet, telling them to turn their backs as I buttoned my shirt. I didn’t miss the scoff from the boy soldier. Finished, I jumped up quickly, like lightning.

“Thanks, Doctor,” I said casually.

“You’re welcome,” she replied in amusement. “Just try and take it easy. You will feel strong but you will also have a reduced sensitivity to pain. I don’t want to see you back here again.” I nodded. She pulled me to her side and whispered in my ear. “I was truly sorry to hear about what happened to you.”

I blushed. I didn’t know everyone knew about it. And it made very uncomfortable to think people pitied me.

“Um, thanks.” I didn’t really know how to respond. She nodded and left, pressing something into Pietre’s hand as she glided out the door. He muttered to her with a scary smile on his face.

He turned to me, still hanging in the door like he didn’t want to step into the room. “Here, take these,” he said flippantly.

Two pills flew in an arc towards me. I caught one fuzzy-edged pill in my palm but the other rolled under a trolley.

“Why? What for?” I stammered as Pietre let the door slowly close between us.

“Because if you don’t, you’ll die,” he said sharply, the words slicing through the closing gap like an arrow.

I jumped off the table like a spring and scrambled to find the second pill. Pushing the trolley aside, it clanged into the wall and bounced back towards me. My fingers grasped the powder-white disc and I carefully held it, worried my new strength would turn it to dust. I shoved them both in my mouth, feeling them grazing my throat as I swallowed them without water. I was about to yell a tirade of abuse at Pietre when a ripple of nausea rolled through me like a tidal wave. I turned to the bucket placed neatly at the foot of my bed and vomited pure blue.

Careen’s perfect face appeared in the doorway. She cracked a pristine smile as I raised my head from my bucket. I wiped the tears from my eyes, my hands streaked blue. Puzzled, I looked to her for explanation.

“Oh yeah,” she said, flipping her hair behind her ear. “Don’t wear any white for a while.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully with a slender, white finger. “Actually you’re safer to just wear blue for a few days. You’re gonna pee, sweat, and cry blue.”

“Fascinating,” I said sarcastically as I turned back to my bucket to continue emptying the contents of my stomach. Now I understood why the doctor seemed displeased that I had eaten.

I heard a tapping. I followed Careen’s foot to her face. “What?” I asked, irritated.

She looked uncomfortable. “Um, we’ll just wait outside until you’re finished, ok?”

I was about to say, ‘fine’, when the rumble of nausea overtook me again.

The door pressed shut.

As we left, after the vomiting fireworks, I asked Dr. Yashin what the pills were for.

“The liquid can’t stay in your system for more than fifteen minutes, or your body starts to shut down,” she said matter-of-factly.

I gulped. “What do you mean?”

“Just imagine how you felt in the procedure times a hundred, then suddenly, everything just ends,” she said, playing with her glasses chain.

“I don’t remember Joseph crying blue tears,” I muttered.

Pietre whistled low and said, “Maybe he’s not as big a baby as you.” I couldn’t even be bothered glaring at him.

Dr. Yashin shook her head disapprovingly. “Yes, I heard about his operation. They took his heart out, injected the blue solution, and then injected the antidote minutes later. This was done before they placed it inside his body.”

“Oh,” I said, because I couldn’t come up with anything intelligent to say. I felt out of my league. Overwhelmed. There was so much about these people I didn’t understand—or couldn’t understand.

I turned to the soldiers, Careen and Pietre. “So, what about this training?”

When training started, I split myself in two. One half walked towards Joseph, lay in his arms, kissed him, and let his warmth grant her safety. The other half walked away, walked into the woods.

COMBAT

The morning after my procedure, my body jerked in the bed like I’d been electrocuted. A hard shiver. It felt like some of the blue stuff was still swirling around my insides, poking at what was left and looking for any remaining damage. Joseph lay next to me, warm and beautiful. I gave him a gentle kick with my heel and he groaned and rolled towards me. Reaching out, he pulled me into his arms. I folded like a V, unable to fight him in his sleep. Unable and unwilling. He moved his hands up under my shirt, unaware of what he was doing. I blew my hair out of my face and rolled my eyes. If he was going to do this, I’d rather he was awake. I turned in his arms and kissed his nose. “Joseph, wake up.” He blinked at me cross-eyed for a second and then chuckled. Opening his arms, he stretched out and yawned, folding them behind his head.

“What time is it?” he asked, mid-yawn.

“Nearly eight, you need to go.”

His eyes shone in the morning sun and told me he wasn’t going anywhere. Still drowsy from sleep, he rolled over and pinned me under his big arms, coasting just above my body. I smiled up at him but something twisted in his face and he paused. “Sorry, is this…?”

“I’m all better now. See…” I flipped over and I rolled up the back of my shirt, “no more bruises. I feel great.”

Joseph finally shook off his drowsiness and frowned. “Obviously, I’m glad they did it but I still don’t understand why. Your injuries were pretty superficial. I didn’t think they used the machine unless it was a life-threatening injury.”

I pulled myself up onto my elbows and met his questions with a kiss. Quickly following it up with, “Yes, of course, Dr. Sulle, but you have to go. You’ll be late.” I needed to leave for training really soon.

“Oh, right,” he said, his mind distracted momentarily. He jumped out of bed and made his way to the shower, pulling off his shirt as he walked. I had to sigh. The sight of his now-tanned, naked back, little freckles dotting the skin around his neckline, was too much. I considered joining him in the shower. I could imagine the hot water running over our bodies, my hands… but I let my shyness talk me out of it.

Training, I reminded myself.

Joseph left with Orry in one arm and a medical bag in the other. Five minutes later, Careen and Pietre were knocking on my door.

“Geez!” I said in surprise. “Were you hiding in the bushes?”

“Something like that,” Pietre snapped as he pushed his way into the house without invitation. He looked me up and down with an unwelcome stare. “You can’t wear that. You need to put on something more… flexible.”

I regarded my clothing. I was wearing jeans and a button-up shirt. I appealed to Careen questioningly.

“Just put on leggings and a t-shirt,” she said happily. “Blue,” she called after me.

I changed and they led me down our house steps. At least they weren’t shoulder to shoulder like yesterday, but I still got the sense I was being babysat. They turned right and we headed towards the thick patch of forest that edged the top line of houses. We were close to the Wall and its silhouette hung over the roofs of the small timber cottages. Dark, spindly shadows dripped down the trunks and darkened the foliage of the forest we were about to enter.

They disappeared into the brush and it closed around them like a heavy curtain. I followed.

I watched the two of them. They were unlike Joseph and me in so many ways. Pietre moved through the woods like the trees presence offended him and should jump out of his way and salute. Careen followed behind him, mirroring his footsteps. She never touched him unless he initiated it. And when he did, it was like he claimed her.

He was rough and cursed a lot, which reminded me of my Construction boys. A feeling that rocked and ached my heart. But apart from the cursing, he was nothing like them. He seemed hardened and certainly unused to not getting his own way.

When there were no more branches to slap and abuse, the forest gave way to smaller shrubs. The woods had now sprung green and yellow. It had changed as if overnight. From bleak and cold, life just managed to press itself against the icy panes of winter, to buzzing and bursting with pollen dust. Life was defrosting, long, green stems beckoned and bent in the breeze. Little crackles of noise, leaves shifting, gave evidence of small, scurrying creatures that had poked their wet noses out of hibernation. I inhaled deeply, the smell of layers of rotting foliage, the shed skin of trees, wafted up from where we trampled. It was thick and sweet, damp and moldy, but wonderful. I doubted Pietre noticed.

Every movement was so deliberate and violent with this man. He stomped into the center of the clearing and spun around to face me, anchoring his feet in the dirt like his toes were talons.

“Your training will be separated into three parts.” He held up his fingers and counted them off, folding them down like he was snapping his bones. “Fitness, Combat, and Survival Skills.” He appraised my tiny frame. “I think we’ll start with Combat since I think we all know that’s what you will need the most help with.”

Careen giggled and I shot her a glare.

He put his hands on his hips and told me to try to take him down. I laughed, my body shaking with the preposterousness of it. It felt good to laugh. Was he serious? He growled, his teeth bared like a wolf, and assured me that he was.

I shook my head, “No.” I wasn’t going fight anyone on my mission. This was stupid. I turned to Careen, who leaned back gracefully and lunged at him. Her feline qualities were exaggerated as she glided through the air and grabbed his throat. They scrambled, grunted, and wrestled until Pietre had her arm twisted behind her back. Immobilized. They were enjoying this and I felt like I was getting a gross insight into their love lives.

I held my stomach. “Can you guys save it for the bedroom, please?”

Pietre gave me a sickening smile and Careen looked clueless.

“Fine, let’s try shooting the stunner,” he said, jumping up and wiping the dirt from his hair, attempting, unsuccessfully, to smooth it down.

He placed the gun in my hand, knocking my lower limbs out to a wider stance with his forearm, like I was an uncooperative table leg. Then he pressed his cheek against mine, the rough sandpapery stubble grazing my skin. I blushed and my heartbeat picked up, unused to the contact from a stranger. “Now aim for that tree.” He pointed to a narrow birch about two meters away from me, still skinned stark, its peppered trunk scarred from winter and starving deer stripping its bark away. It was only ten centimeters in diameter.

I wrapped my fingers around the gun loosely. I wanted to drop it. I hated the feel of the cold metal in my hands, the power it held to harm. I had no intention of taking this with me to my mothers. I closed both eyes and took a literal shot in the dark. I heard the click and then a winding up, whizzing noise as the charge built. Then the wires spat out and frittered to the ground. I’d lowered my arms as it discharged and it landed in the dirt at my feet.

Pietre was in a rage. “You can’t close your eyes when you shoot. You could have shot yourself in the foot!” He retrieved the wires and straightened my shoulders forcefully, like he was squaring a peg. “Try again. This time with your eyes open!”

We tried shooting the stunner over and over until the sun was high in the sky and my arms felt like listless willow branches, shaking and bowing from holding them out in front of me for so long. I think by the time we were done, I could at least open one eye when I pulled the trigger.

At the end of the first day, I walked in the door and the other half of me took over. The lies began. Joseph wasn’t home yet so I rushed around, making an obvious mess so he would think I’d been working all day. I ran my hands along the rough edge of a cabinet carcass and sprinkled sawdust on my forehead. I began making dinner, which was reheating one of the many casseroles, which had been deposited in our fridge after my attack, mostly from Addy, but some from Gwen and Odval too. I smiled at their kindness, overwhelmed and undeserving. As I lifted them up, inspecting what each container had in them, something fell to the floor. It was a little music device and stuck to it was a note with Gwen’s scrawl running across it. It read: Angry Music.

I shrugged and clipped it to my waistband. Placing the earphones in, I switched it on. It blasted and my head jerked back from the volume. Once I had adjusted it, the words bashed me over the head again and again with fear, anguish, and pain, but I couldn’t stop listening. As Joseph opened the door, the words crept out and sailed towards him.

I told you to be patient

and I told you to be kind

…now all your love is wasted

…who will love you?

Who will love you?

The blood drained from my face and I pulled the earphones out violently, managing a thin-lipped smile. I glanced down at the tiny screen and noted the name of the musician. This Bon Iver guy was inside my head, his anguish matching my own.

He dropped his bag on the floor and watched me carefully. But then Orry cried and Joseph had to respond. He went to the kitchen to make Orry’s milk at the sink. I kept my back to him but acknowledged his presence with a slight nod. I felt like a criminal, so I slammed bars between the two people I was fast becoming. This was ‘at home’ Rosa. Believe it, I told myself, cursing Gwen under my breath even though part of me wanted to hear the rest of the song. Did he get what he wanted? Did he shame her into being better?

Orry settled and Joseph laid him on his tummy on one of Addy’s rugs.

I clucked my tongue. “You know he’ll vomit on that. He’s just had a bottle.” Although, you probably wouldn’t even notice on one of Addy’s creations since they all looked a little like a rainbow had vomited on them as it was.

Joseph chuckled and walked towards me. I relaxed, slipping into the comfortable and desirous atmosphere he created. “You know you sound like Addy when you talk like that.”

I put my hands on my hips and did my best imitation of Addy, rattling and bobbing my head as I spoke, “Babies need to be independent.” I raised my index finger, waggling it in his face. “You’ve got to let them work things out for themselves. A face full of vomit and he’ll soon work out not to do it again.”

Joseph threw his head back and laughed. It filled me with certainty, like a limp sail suddenly pressed open by a surge of wind. He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me towards him so our hips were touching. “That’s very good. You’ve been practicing.” He ran his fingers across my brow, brushing of the sawdust. “Working hard?”

I felt my heart beating faster and the blood rush to my cheeks. I took a step backwards. “Yes, it’s good to get back into it. It gives me something to focus on,” I lied, as I slapped imaginary dust off my pants. He looked at me doubtfully for a second but shook it free.

“Yes, I suppose that’s true. I like getting back into working at the hospital… even if it is with Matt.” It was unlike Joseph to be so unforgiving but he hadn’t let go of what Matthew had failed to tell us. Also, as far as I knew, Cal was still under Matthew’s care in the hospital, which had to be hard.

After we put Orry to bed, I took the opportunity to turn the focus onto him and let him talk my ears off about his day until we dozed off on our couch, carelessly intertwined like the gnarled roots of a Banyan tree.

I woke up the next morning in our bed and realized Joseph must have carried me. The first day of training had been exhausting and I was sure it would only get worse. Pietre didn’t strike me as someone who would go easy on a beginner, especially not me.

This is how it started.

Every morning, I would see Joseph off at the door. He would take Orry every other day and I would drop the baby with Odval on my days.

If Joseph suspected anything, he never said so. He was so preoccupied with his medical training. It had stepped up recently because they were preparing for the mission. People were getting checked out and checked off a list and preparations were being made for the incoming Spiders. Some of them had been injured during interrogations and there were also likely to be injuries during the rescues. Gus asked Joseph to go along as the medic but he said he felt like he didn’t have enough experience yet to be solely responsible for the groups’ health.

I did a good job of separating the two things I was doing. When I was with Joseph, I stuffed the training Rosa in a box and locked it. I immersed myself in him and Orry. I intended to tell him… I just wanted to wait until I was stronger, trained better, so I would have more back up when he tried to convince me not to go. Well, that’s what I told myself.

I became friends with my lies. They wrapped around me like curls of white smoke, whispering the necessary answers in my ears. When Joseph noticed a scratch on my arm, I told him I got it rushing through my work. When I appeared tired, I said it was the nightmares. When he questioned the pile of work that had accumulated in the corner, I said people were giving me more time to finish because of what had happened but they were still bringing things over. The lies came quickly and easily and it scared me. Inside, I felt like a coward. He knew what I’d wanted to do and I should have just told him the truth straight away. Instead, I slunk into a corner, made excuses, and let one half of me lie and the other half wrap my arms around him like nothing had ever happened.

FITNESS

As expected, Pietre was a hard taskmaster. He had me running laps, climbing trees, and doing sit-ups and push-ups. But I didn’t mind it. I liked the way my body responded to the exercise. My stomach flattened and my arms became ropey and toned. I was never going to look like Careen, the terrible and formidable threat of a woman, but I had my own kind of fitness.

Tree climbing was my favorite thing. Being light and agile, I could clamber up even thin-boughed trees quickly and quietly. I selected a tall Poplar tree. Its slim branches were low to the ground and stuck straight out at a 45-degree angle. The whole tree looked like it had been pulled through a water pipe and the branches hadn’t uncoiled. As I sat on a bendy branch to catch my breath, a vein of guilt ran through me. I’d strayed far from that busting, pregnant girl. I sighed. I grieved. I was so different to what I used to be. That girl slipped over a cliff when I wasn’t looking, a clatter of loose dirt spilling over rocks, the only evidence she ever existed.

Sitting here now, with the rough bark scratching my backside, the spiky buds pressing into my head and arms, I couldn’t imagine how I had once been comfortable up here. But then I was with Joseph. He softened everything.

“What are you thinking about?” a breathless Pietre asked. He was looking up at me between the branches, his eyes curious.

“Nothing.”

“You know, if this is too hard for you, you don’t have to go. You could give up,” he suggested.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I snapped, wriggling around and trying to sway the tree. Maybe I could eject him from it.

“I would.”

I glared down at him and jumped to my feet, sending scratchy bits of bark and poplar buds towards his annoying face.

“Why do you hate me so much?” I asked.

He wiped his face and squinted up at me. Pursing his lips, he considered my question.

“I don’t hate you. But my mother was one of the Survivors that didn’t make it out of the mounds. So for that… I feel a little bit of payback is necessary.” Leaves dotted his hair and he tried to shake them off without falling from his perch.

I shifted my feet to disperse my weight better. I was shocked at this revelation but tried not to show it. My voice felt small, “So you blame me?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“She died so you could live. I guess I wanted to make sure you made it count.”

I was confused. I didn’t understand where that left us. All I knew was I was trying as hard as I could. Grudging respect maybe? At least that’s how I felt. My lips curled a little as I realized I seemed to have a knack for having serious conversations in trees. I wondered if my life could get any more ludicrous. Of course it could.

I swung myself up to the next branch and muttered, “I’ll make it count.”

And I’m pretty sure I heard him respond with, ‘you better’ as he made his way down towards the sodden earth.

I climbed to the top of the tree. No one could reach me up there. I gripped the trunk and moved like a monkey, never staying put for too long until I reached the uppermost branches. I stayed there longer than I should have, letting myself sway in the breeze, willing my body to become nothing so I could float over the Wall. The pressure was weighing on me and I considered the fact that I might fail, that I wouldn’t make it count. I was overflowing and just wanted to be empty—if only for a second.

Running my hands over the straggly bark, I thought about Addy. Why hadn’t she come to visit me? I was sure Matthew probably told her what I was doing. Maybe she disagreed with my choice. It didn’t make any difference, I suppose, but I wanted her to support my decision. She of all people understood the importance of family.

Careen’s voice pierced the silence. “Rosa, what are you doing up there? Don’t you need to pick up Orry?”

I scrambled down the trunk, skinning both my knees in my haste. Odval would be waiting for me.

When I got home on day eleven, Apella was in my chair. I would say sitting but that’s not what she was doing, everything about her was set on edge. She was like a porcelain figure, her legs folded neatly, her composure perfect, her whole existence looking out of place perched atop a pile of Addy’s crocheted rugs. She looked down at her hands, which were clasped lightly in her lap, and then up at me through a curtain of blonde hair. I tried to smile at her but it came out all wrong on my face. How could I lie so easily to Joseph and not to her?

“Rosa, I’m concerned about you. You haven’t visited in a while. Is everything all right?” I could tell the words pained her. She was never one for sentiment and this was difficult for her.

I waved her off, “I’m fine.”

She rose delicately and wafted over to me, gently placing her cool hand on my cheek. “Please come see me before you leave,” she said sadly. I didn’t know what to say so I nodded.

SURVIVAL SKILLS

Finally I had something I could teach Careen and Pietre. Wandering through the forest, I picked out the various edible plants and showed them. The sun was sifting through the leaves and actually warming the earth slightly. Pockets of yellow pinecones moved like little, bearded faces poking out of the pine needles. The azaleas I’d pointed out to Orry had started to flower. It was beautiful but it was also a warning. If the weather was clearing, the Woodland soldiers may be ready to start their trek. They would begin their search for us.

Careen listened with interest as I tried to educate them, Pietre quietly fumed.

“See these?” I said, bending a branch towards their faces. “They’re sweet. A bit chewy but a good source of calories.”

Pietre eyed it with disgust. I let it snap back into place, hoping it would whip him as it returned.

“Why would I eat a pinecone if I can shoot a rabbit?” he asked, crossing his arms like a child.

Careen touched him affectionately and he flinched. A devilish look spread across his face. “I think it’s time we showed you how to hunt.”

I shriveled away from his stare. I didn’t want to hunt. Killing things was not in me. I knew that. I stood my ground. “I don’t need to learn to hunt; I survived out there for months, pregnant, eating only nuts and berries.”

He sneered at me. “You want me to sign off on your mission? Then you’ll hunt.”

Careen protested, “Look, I think she’s shown that she can handle herself out here. I don’t think…”

“Think?” he snapped. “Who asked you?”

She closed her mouth. I was so surprised at her. She could more than handle him. If she wanted, she could snap him over her thigh and toss him in the dirt. I didn’t understand why she would let him tell her what to do. Observing their relationship over the last week and a half reminded me of Paulo and Mother. It made me wonder if this was normal. If so, it made me feel like I was the undeserving winner of the boyfriend lottery. Joseph would never speak to me that way. Although, what I’d done lately would warrant it.

“I’ll do more combat skills if you want but I’m not hunting,” I said. I was sure if I killed an animal in front of him, I would burst into tears and there was no way I was going to let that happen.

“Fine,” Pietre said, his eyes burning.

I’d said I would try harder with my combat skills but I couldn’t help but argue with some of the more specialized moves Pietre wanted me to learn. I couldn’t see myself cartwheeling across the front lawn of my parents place and leaping onto the roof. Pietre had mixed training up in the last few days and we jumped from skill to skill like a test. It reminded me harrowingly of the Test at the Classes.

“I don’t see why I need to know how to disarm a man. Paulo doesn’t own a gun, none of the citizens do,” I said, crossing my arms and squatting over the fire I’d just made from nothing but a rock and some dried grass. “Look,” I gestured. “I can do this.”

Pietre sneered at me. Standing back, I could almost see the waves of anger rolling off him. “Yes, but lighting a fire won’t help you in the Rings. You need to be able to defend yourself if someone comes at you.” He stormed towards me and flung his forearm to my neck. Forcing me up with his other arm, pinching my underarm skin, he pinned me against a tree and lifted me off the ground. My legs kicked uselessly as my windpipe slowly closed. “You have to believe I won’t hurt you. That in fact, I can’t,” he said, staring at me intently, cocking his head to the side as he searched my eyes.

I was much smaller than him, weaker, and a not nearly as skilled as a fighter. Of course he could hurt me! This wasn’t about some attitude adjustment I needed to make.

“Let me go,” I managed to gasp, although my breath was running out fast. I could see Careen standing behind me, blurred by my wet eyes, as I felt the fight leaving my body. She shifted nervously, clamping her hands together like she was trying to stop herself from interfering.

He watched my eyes roll up. I was about to pass out. His eyebrows drew together as he studied me with morbid curiosity, like when I watched my neighbor kill a chicken. It was a spectacle to watch it run around with its head missing, even if it was disgusting. His face relaxed and he let me fall, throwing his hands up in exasperation, relenting.

I fell to my knees, clutching my throat and coughing. Glancing at one of the knives at my feet, I let anger overtake reason. I wrapped my hands around it tightly and stood. I hated being tested. It eroded my skin and cornered my judgment, until all I could see was my need for retribution.

“She’s impossible,” he yelled at Careen. “I can’t see how this is going work.” He turned his back to me, digging his feet into the dirt like a bull about to charge.

I’d hoped I would hit the tree to his right—just graze his ear or something clever like that. I wanted prove to him I had learned something, that I wasn’t useless. I pulled my arm back and threw. The knife cartwheeled through the air. I stood there, hands at my sides, mouth agape, as it circled its way towards the middle of his back. I sighed with relief when it landed, handle first, between his shoulder blades with a satisfying thud and bounced to the forest floor.

I couldn’t help myself; I let out a triumphant, “Bah!” and fell to the ground laughing. Careen covered her mouth to muffle her giggles.

Pietre twirled around and I thought he was going to punch me in the face. Instead, a mean smile curled his lips. “Better,” he said as he picked up the knife and wiped it on his trousers. He placed it in my hand and pulled me up straight. He wrapped his fingers around my own and my breath caught unpleasantly. “Hold it like this and keep both eyes open when you aim.” He stood behind me, whispering into my ear, and I tried to focus on the knife and not the warmth of his hard body pressed into my back. “Ok, retract your arm and make sure you release it here,” he held my hand level with my face, “and not here.” He brought our hands down to my waist. “Good, now throw.”