Текст книги "Kissing Her Crazy"

Автор книги: Kira Archer

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

Chapter Fifteen

Tyler slept peacefully snuggled in their bed while Lena sat on the couch in the little sitting area of their hotel room, a little wine bottle from the mini-fridge in one hand and her empty idea binder in the other. The papers filled with her ideas were spread before her on the coffee table like the world’s worst montage. Here is your crappy life, in 3-D. She’d kept every idea she’d ever had from grade school on up on those pages. Dozens upon dozens of them. Not one of them worth a damn.

“What a waste,” she murmured.

She took another sip of wine, wishing the mini-bottle was three times the size. There was probably a good two glasses worth of wine inside. Enough to take the edge off the grief and overwhelming disappointment raging through her but not nearly enough to erase the last twenty-four hours from her mind. And she really, really wanted it erased.

She hadn’t seen Elliot since their little talk at the rehearsal dinner. He’d disappeared from the festivities. Which had probably been a blessing. If she hadn’t walked away from him when she did, she would have either cried or thrown herself into his arms and begged him to stay with her. Both mortifying choices that she was happy she’d avoided.

She’d meant what she’d said. They were better off going their separate ways. She’d done enough damage to his life, and had he spent any more time in hers, she might not have been able to walk away at all. And then where would she have been? Sitting alone, nursing a broken heart.

She looked down at the wine bottle in her hand. Oh. She snorted. Well, it would have been much worse, for sure.

A quiet knock sounded at her door, and Lena’s heart pounded in her chest, hope and dread coursing through her at the slim chance that it was Elliot. She stood up, suddenly wishing she was wearing something more than her favorite oversized T-shirt. She didn’t have anything on under it, but it came down to mid-thigh, so she wouldn’t be flashing her undies. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, but she could run a brush through it…

Knock, knock, knock.

“Lenny, it’s me. Open up.”

Lena’s shoulders slumped. Oz. She went to the door and opened it, no longer caring what she looked like. Her brother had seen her much worse.

She opened the door for him, then turned around and slunk back to the couch, leaving him to follow her in.

His eyebrows rose at the empty mini-wine bottle, papers strewn everywhere, and her general state of disarray.

“That bad, huh?”

She snorted, a sound that almost ended on a sob, but she sucked it back in time. Tempting though it was, she wasn’t going to sit and cry over a four-day non-relationship. She wasn’t even sure that was exactly the problem. Yes, she was upset at how things were going, or not, with Elliot. But there were other reasons things were going badly—the same damn issues that had been a problem for her since day one. Bad ideas. Bad implementation. Bad everything.

She was tired of not being able to do anything right. She couldn’t make a business successful to save her life. She couldn’t support her son on her own. Hell, she couldn’t even have a vacation fling without screwing it up and having everything get all dramatic and complicated.

“Len,” Oz said, sitting beside her on the couch. “What’s up?”

She groaned and put her head on his shoulder. “Same shit, different smell.”

He chuckled a little and pulled away from her so he could see her face. “You might have to elaborate on that a little for me.”

Lena grabbed a tissue from the side table and dabbed at the tears that were escaping, despite her best efforts.

“I’m so sick of taking one step forward just to fall ten steps back. It’s like every time I think I’ve finally found a great idea that might actually work out, some ridiculous issue comes up, and it doesn’t pan out. I’ve been trying for six years to make something out of my life. But I’m not qualified for anything. I can’t do anything. Sure, I’ve got a million ideas, but they are all crap, and even if they weren’t, I have no way of making any of them fly.

“So instead of being a good mom and providing a better life for my son, I have to mooch off you like some deadbeat. I mean, what kind of a mom am I? If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even have a home for my son to live in. I hope you don’t take that wrong,” she hurried to add. “I’ll never be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for us or express how grateful I am that you are such an amazing brother. You’ve always taken care of us. But… I’m his mom. I should be able to take care of him. But everything I try seems to crumble around me. Nothing works out.”

Oz reached over and squeezed her shoulder and she sniffed, wiping at her nose. “I guess I’m just tired of getting so close and having nothing but a big pile of failures to show for it. You work so hard for us, and I don’t do anything to help. You shouldn’t have to shoulder it all. It should be my responsibility. So every time I might be able to help make life a little easier, and it doesn’t work out… It hurts a million times more. Especially now that you are getting married. You should be bringing Cher home to your own house. Not the house where your sister and her kid live.”

Oz wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug. She snuggled against his chest, feeling for a moment like she had when they were younger and he had comforted her after she’d gotten into trouble or been dumped by some loser. He’d always been there for her. Sure, he’d tortured her a little. What big brother didn’t? But for the most part, he’d always been there, doing whatever he could to make her life better.

“First of all,” Oz said, pulling away again, “take a look at your son over there.”

Lena sniffed again and looked at the small lump burrowed against the pillows.

“No matter what else you do in this life, you will never be a failure. You brought that amazing little boy into the world and have been the best mother any kid could ask for.”

Lena started shaking her head, but Oz put his hand on top of it to stop her.

“Yes. We agreed when he was born that you’d stay home to take care of him until he was in school fulltime. It has been a privilege to me that you’ve allowed me to help raise him. As for you guys still living with me and Cher after we’re married, it’s a non-issue. We’ve all been living together for the last year, and we are very happy to keep that arrangement. So stop worrying about that.”

“We can’t all live together forever, Oz.”

“Why not?”

Lena smiled at her brother, though she couldn’t see him well through the tears swimming in her eyes. “Someday you guys will have kids of your own.”

The joy that lit Oz’s eyes went a long way to cheering Lena. More than anyone she knew, Oz deserved to be happy. She was so glad he’d found Cher.

“When someday comes, we’ll decide what to do then. For now, everyone is happy with the way things are.”

Lena started to protest, but he ignored her, leaning over to pick through her pile of ideas.

“Oh my God, I forgot about this one,” he said, laughing. He picked up a page that had one of those knotted friendship bracelets stapled to it, his grin stretching from ear to ear. “You wrangled every kid in the neighborhood into making these for you so you could sell them to the moms.”

“Yeah. The parents weren’t real happy with me after a while.”

“Us kids were. You covered our ice cream truck treats for a month.”

Lena grinned. “That was the first one that ever made money.”

“Yeah. And you were eight. You’ve got to stop being so hard on yourself. Not every idea is going to pan out, but someday, one of these is going to take off.”

She sighed. “I wish I believed that.”

Oz held up another sheet, the one with the recipe for her lip and bug bite balms. “What about this one? This stuff is great, all of them. Cher refuses to use anything else now. Which reminds me, I was supposed to ask if you had any bite balm on you. She’s got a few on her legs, but her tin is empty.”

“In my bag,” she said, gesturing to where it sat by the end of the couch.

He dug around until he found it. “Thanks. So, why didn’t you go after that one? It’s a damn good idea.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know that I could sell enough to make a profit after buying the materials, the business license, and insurance.”

“So why don’t you do a little research and find out? Maybe all you need is a good investor. Or you could do one of those campaigns online that everyone is donating to nowadays. A lot of people get the funding they need for their start-ups that way.”

“Because I think I should stop wasting my time on ideas that will probably never pan out and get a job that will actually support my son. None of these ideas ever really work. Or haven’t you noticed?”

Oz stared at her long enough that she started squirming. “What’s going on, Len? This isn’t only about your business ideas.”

She tried to keep any incriminating expression from showing. “Nothing is going on.”

His forehead creased while he studied her. “It has something to do with Elliot, doesn’t it?”

Startled, Lena’s gaze shot to his. “What do you mean?”

“You tell me. I know you guys have been spending a lot of time together. And I know he had a meeting with his parents this morning, and he hasn’t quite been himself since. So, what happened?”

She sighed and leaned her head back against the couch. “We’ve been working on a plan to convert their family charity into a foundation that actually does good things for people. Elliot asked me for ideas.”

“And did you have any?”

Her lips puckered up in a self-deprecating smirk. “Always. We came up with a foundation he wanted to call KidsCase.”

Oz’s eyes grew wider the more Lena told him about the foundation idea. “So, the two of you cooked this up and took it to his parents.”

“He presented it to them. They don’t seem to like me much.”

Oz snorted. “They don’t like anyone outside their own circle much. I’m assuming it didn’t go well.”

She bit her lip. “They’re happy he’s showing an interest. They just don’t want him changing things.”

Oz squinted, looking at her thoughtfully. “How much of all this was your idea?”

She shrugged again. “About half probably. But I couldn’t have done it without Elliot.” She fought to keep her voice steady, though her throat was thick with tears again. “We really were a pretty great team.”

Her brother stared at her. “You care about him, don’t you?”

Lena’s mouth dropped open, her eyes wide. It was a simple question. So why was her pulse pounding in her ears? She hadn’t even admitted to herself how much she cared about Elliot. How much she wished they could be together for real. Her few days with him had meant more to her than any other relationship she’d ever been in. And despite her misgivings over Elliot’s complete lack of parenting skills, he was good with Tyler. The parenting stuff could be learned. It was that special connection that couldn’t be forced. And Elliot had that with Tyler already. She would love to see if they could make it work between them. But that wasn’t going to happen. So she’d tried not to even think about it. Tried and failed.

Oz nudged her shoulder. “I’ve seen you guys together, Len. I’ve been watching Elliot with Tyler. Watching the three of you together. It’s not something I would’ve predicted,” he said with a laugh. “But you guys work.”

Her eyes filled with tears again. “No, we don’t.”

Oz gave her that I’m-the-big-brother-so-I-know-better smile. “Yeah. You do. The three of you together…” He beamed at her. “It works.”

Lena didn’t know what to say. She was afraid to agree, afraid to voice how much she wanted what he was saying to be true. She sucked in a deep breath. “Tyler seems to really like him, doesn’t he? I mean, he likes most guys. But… It’s different with Elliot, I think. More natural. Even though Elliot has no clue what he’s doing,” she said with a quiet laugh.

“Neither did I when you two first moved in. I learned.”

Her heart melted a bit. “Yes, you did.” She looked down at her hands, twisting the wine bottle around. “I didn’t think Elliot would be good for Tyler, or for me. But… He’s kind of surprising, isn’t he?”

Oz smiled. “Like I said, you three work. I don’t know what happened this morning, if it had something to do with his parents or what. But whatever’s going on… Isn’t something that works worth fighting for?”

She looked down at her clasped hands. Did she want to fight for Elliot? Was Oz right? Did Elliot care about her, too? About them? If he did… She looked up at her brother, a smile spreading slowly across her lips. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“Good.” He drew her into a bone-crushing hug. Then he gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and stood up. “I better get going. I’m getting married tomorrow.”

Lena laughed. “Go get your beauty sleep. Cher’ll kill you if you look horrible for the pictures.”

Oz winked at her. “Not possible for this to look horrible,” he said, waving his hands at his body like he was the main prize on some game show. Then he sobered a little. “It took me a while, you know. But looks like I’m finally going to see something that works all the way through to the end myself.”

Lena gave him another hug.

“Love you, Ozzie.”

“Love you, too, Lenny.” He opened the door. “See you at the wedding,” he called over his shoulder.

Lena wrapped her arms around herself. So… Oz thought she and Elliot worked, huh? Looks like she had a lot of thinking to do. Because she was having a hard time talking herself out of believing it, too.

Chapter Sixteen

Elliot took another sip of his drink, some ridiculous tropical thing that he’d only ordered because it came in a coconut. And coconuts reminded him of Lena. He hadn’t realized that was why he’d ordered it until he’d taken a drink and the coconut scent had wafted over him. The smell made his heart clench with the memory of the scent in Lena’s hair. On her lips. Her skin.

He took another sip, letting it linger in his mouth so he could savor it.

He didn’t notice anyone had sat next to him until she spoke. “If you are too drunk to walk down the aisle tomorrow, I’m going to be pissed.”

Elliot saluted his sister with the coconut and took another drink. “I promise I will be able to walk down the aisle.”

“Not if you keep drinking that thing, you won’t.”

“I didn’t say I’d be able to walk well.”

Cher shook her head, but she couldn’t help but smile. “Give me that.” She took it from him, sniffed it, and took a sip.

“Heh. Not bad. A little fruitier than I thought you liked.”

He shrugged. “I was in the mood for coconut.”

Cher looked amused. “I bet you were.”

Elliot’s eyes narrowed, trying to figure out what she meant. The words might be innocent, but there was a smug undertone to them. Then again, he might not want to know what she meant. Cher had always had a certain intuition when it came to him. Maybe it was a twin thing. Whatever it was, she always seemed to know what was wrong with him before he did. Although in this case he was pretty well aware what was wrong, and he didn’t feel like delving into it too deeply.

He’d really screwed things up with Lena. He’d let his anger and disappointment over his parents’ rejection of their plan get the better of him. He let his doubts about himself and his future cloud his decisions over Lena and any possible future with her. And shutting her out after everything she’d done to help him, and after everything they’d done together, was inexcusable.

And then trying to make up for it by trying to force her to accept his help with her own business. Yes, he could admit it had partially been a way to keep her in his life. But that had never been the plan to begin with. They were just supposed to have a little fun. So why did he feel like absolute shit?

The problem was… He didn’t know what to do about her. He knew how he felt when he was with her. And with Tyler. But how did that translate into a relationship? How would it even work with them? They lived a thousand miles apart. And thinking of how his parents would react made his skin crawl.

He sighed and took his drink back from his sister, draining the last of it and signaling the bartender to bring him another one. He had no idea how to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Hell, until he’d met Lena it had never occurred to him that he’d want one. Let alone one that included a kid. Being with Lena meant jumping right in, with both feet.

“Come on. What’s up, Smelliot?” Cherice asked, using her childhood nickname for him.

The bartender brought him a new coconut, and he twirled it in his hands. “Are you happy, Cher?”

She blinked at him, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. But the smile that quickly followed warmed him right through to his bones. “Very. More than I ever thought I’d be.”

“Because of Oz?”

“Yes. Among other things.” She plucked the umbrella out of his drink and leaned her elbows on the bar, twirling it in her fingers.

“Like what?”

She sighed, more relaxed and happy than he’d ever seen her. “I can’t even tell you how amazing it is to be free.”

“Free?”

“Free,” she said, nudging him with her shoulder. “From all the Debusshere insanity. What happened with Mom and Dad earlier?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you really going to try to lie to me?”

Elliot rubbed his hand over his eyes, suddenly exhausted. “I pitched them an idea for expanding the charity into a more focused foundation.”

“I’m guessing they grudgingly listened and then crapped all over it.”

“Something like that,” he said, taking another drink.

“And Lena?”

Elliot looked up, startled. He thought about denying it. But there really wasn’t any point. Cher could always tell when he was lying. “They do not approve.”

“Yeah,” Cher said with a sigh. “I know how that goes.”

“They saw her coming out of my room.”

Cher’s eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. “Oh, really.”

“Yeah.” He gave her a sheepish smile, more embarrassed at her finding out than he had been about his parents. Then again, he cared about Cher’s opinion more. “They know she was helping me on the proposal for the foundation. It makes me wonder what they would have said if she hadn’t been a part of it. But it doesn’t matter whose idea it was. It’s a good idea, worth doing. It shouldn’t matter where it came from.”

“It probably doesn’t. You know them. They don’t like change. And they really don’t like their children branching out on their own. You rocking the boat would have been enough for them to say no.”

“True. But…when they came to my room, after they saw her leaving… They said the most horrible things about her. She doesn’t deserve that kind of crap from anyone. Lena’s smart, Cher. She’s amazing.”

Cher grinned. “Yes, she is.”

“They’d be lucky to have someone like her on the payroll. But because she’s not running in their circles, they think she’s…”

Cher patted her brother’s arm. “Yeah. Been there.”

“Yeah. They weren’t too thrilled with Oz, either,” Elliot said.

“It wasn’t quite as bad for us. I was on my own, in another state, working at a job that I loved and they hated. They could hate my life all they wanted. It’s a lot easier to deal with from a thousand miles away.”

Elliot laughed. “Yeah, I guess it would be.”

“I’m doing what I love now. I’ve got my shop up and running. Every day I get to help women set up for being out on their own, in a good job. I’m happy. You have no idea what it’s like to make a decision and not have to wonder how it will make Mom react or if you’ll get that look from Dad. I know they love us and want the best for us, but the way they go about showing it…”

“Sucks.”

Cher nodded. “Yes, it does. You can’t let them keep doing it to you, Elliot. It’s your life. You aren’t ever going to be happy until you start living it the way you want to.”

Elliot shook his head. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“I think you do,” Cher said, smiling.

He kept his gaze firmly on his coconut. He didn’t like to admit that he was afraid, but the hard knot in the pit of his stomach was a pretty strong reminder. Maybe his parents weren’t the only ones who didn’t like change. Change was hard.

“I don’t think I could have done it without Oz,” Cher said, her attention back on the twirling umbrella in her fingers.

“Done what?”

“Broken free. One thirteen hour car ride with him and my life was changed.”

“He encouraged you to get out on your own?”

Cher laughed. “Encouraged? Hell, he flat-out dared me to quit being a baby and do what I really wanted to do with my life. I’d started in the right direction, but I don’t know if I ever would have gone all the way without him there with me.”

Elliot nodded. “He’s a great guy.”

Cher looked at him, her gaze raking over his face. “Lena is a lot like him.”

“Is she?”

She nodded. “I don’t know what it is about those two. I wish I could have met their parents. Oz and Lena are…strong. Full of life. There’s just something about them…”

Elliot pictured Lena’s softly smiling face, her quiet strength, the inner beauty and goodness she exuded without even trying. “I know what you mean.”

“She’s something, isn’t she? The first time I met her, she hugged me so tight I thought she’d crack my back.” Cher laughed. “That’s just how she is. I always wondered how she could have so many doubts about herself because when it comes to those she loves, she’s fierce. I’ve never met anyone more loving and fun to be around. And the way her brain works downright scares me sometimes.”

Elliot snorted. “Yeah. It was fun to watch how she can take one little nugget of a thought and turn it into this amazing idea. If she had the right resources, she could take over the world.”

“Sounds like someone else I know.”

“Who?”

“You.”

Elliot stared at her, pride filling him that she had that kind of faith in him. Pride tinged with fear. And doubt.

“I wouldn’t ever want to let them down,” he said quietly, finally giving voice to the real fear that had been tearing at his gut since he realized he might want something more substantial with Lena.

“Lena and Tyler?”

Elliot nodded. “Tyler…” He laughed. “That kid is something else.”

“He’s pretty great, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. He is. I’m glad Oz has always been there for him. He needs a good dad in his life.”

“And you don’t think you can be that for him?”

Elliot’s hand clenched his coconut, the knot in his gut twisting tighter. “I’d like to be, I think. I want to try. But I don’t know how. I guess I never really thought of myself as dad material.”

“And now?”

Elliot stared into his drink for a minute, seeing flashes of Tyler’s face laughing up at him, shouting for joy when he beat him at a game, resting like an angel while he slept.

Elliot looked at Cher, a smile spreading across his face.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I think you’ve got your answer.”

She stood up and slapped a couple twenties onto the bar. “The coconuts are on me. Now, I’m going to get some beauty sleep. I’ve got an important date tomorrow.”

Elliot stood and wrapped his arms around his sister. “I love you, Cher-Bear.”

“Love you, too, Smelliot. Now go get some sleep.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The knot in Elliot’s gut loosened a bit as he watched his sister walk away. He didn’t know what the future held. He didn’t know if he and Lena could make it work or not. He didn’t know if he’d be able to make a foundation run without his parents’ backing.

But he did know if he didn’t try, he’d regret it the rest of his life.