Текст книги "Levitate"
Автор книги: Kaylee Ryan
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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
A strong hand grips my shoulder. “Son,” a deep gravelly voice has me opening my eyes. Kensington’s dad is standing beside me, his eyes glassy with tears.
“Mr. James.” I hold my hand out to him. He shakes his head and pulls me into a hug. I’m reminded that she is all he has.
Stepping back, he says, “I heard you. Just now talking to your dad. I’m so glad she found you, Max. My little girl has been broken for so long. Since she met you, she smiles more; she’s actually living again. I cannot thank you enough,” he tells me.
“Don’t thank me, sir. Loving Kensington is as easy as breathing. I meant every word,” I tell him, referring to my one-sided conversation with my father. “Loving her is an honor and a privilege that I would love to have for the rest of my life.” I lay it out there for him. He might as well know my intentions.
“That’s a long time, son,” he replies.
“Yes, and it still won’t be long enough. I love her, sir. I want to ask her to marry me, give her my last name, babies, a house, a dog. Anything and everything she wants, I want to be the one to give it to her.”
“Are you asking my permission?”
“No, sir. Don’t get me wrong, I would be honored for you to give it to me, but I don’t need it to love her.”
He smiles. “You’re a good man, Maxton. I have no doubt you will take care of her. I would be thrilled to have you as a part of our family.”
“The family of Kensington James,” a nurse calls, walking in to the room. The four of us walk toward her. “This way please.” She leads us into a private room just like the one we were just in, only smaller. “The doctor will be right with you.” She turns and walks away.
The four of us stand and stare at the door, waiting for the doctor to give us even a tiny shred of information.
“Mr. James?” a tall slender guy says, walking into the room. “I’m Dr. Knolls. I’ve been treating your daughter. Is it all right to speak freely or would you prefer we step out?” he asks.
I grit my teeth. “No, these three are just as much her family as I am. What’s wrong with my daughter? Is she awake?” he asks.
“Yes, she’s awake and doing well. It seems she passed out. From the information we got from her, it was a panic attack. Not to mention she was dehydrated and hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. She was able to give me her history. I want to admit her for observation and some IV fluids. She should be able to go home tomorrow. They’re getting her set up in a room, and then you will be able to see her.
“Thank you.” Her dad reaches out to shake the doctor’s hand. I do the same.
I try to relax. The doctor said she’s going to be okay. Leaning my head back against the wall, I close my eyes and silently thank my dad and her mom for keeping her safe. Now I just need to see her. To see with my own eyes she’s awake and then maybe this tightness in my chest will ease up. I won’t be able to breathe with ease until she’s back in my arms where she belongs.
I’VE ONLY BEEN in my own room for five minutes when there is a knock on the door. I expect to see Maxton, but it’s the doctor.
“Kensington, we got some of your test results back. I wanted to rule out a few things even though, from the history you gave me, I feel confident what you experienced was a severe panic attack. I did find something in the results,” he says, flipping through my chart. “Your blood test came back positive for pregnancy. Congratulations. I’ll have the obstetrician who is on call today stop in to make sure everything is okay with the baby from the fall. Where you aware that you were expecting?”
Pregnant. How? “I’m on birth control.”
“Are you using any other form of protection? Birth control is not one-hundred percent effective. Changes in things such as medications, antibiotics for example, can alter its ability to prevent pregnancy. And, at times, with no other protection being used there is still that chance.”
“No… no other protection, no medications.” I’m stunned speechless. Pregnant. Oh, God, Maxton, how are we going to raise a baby together and not be together? How am I going to be a part of his everyday life and not be his, him not be mine?
“Congratulations, Kensington. The obstetrician should be in to check on you and the baby within the hour. There are several people in the waiting room very anxious to see you. Shall I send them in?” he asks me.
“Nicole?” I croak out.
“There is a girl, two guys, and your father. I’ll send in Nicole,” he says when I don’t answer.
Pregnant. My hands cover my stomach. My mother would have been thrilled with this news. Yes, it’s earlier than I would have liked, but a baby. Even though I can’t have him, I will always have a piece of Maxton. The realization both breaks my heart and makes it soar at the same time. I will have to learn to be around him, or maybe I won’t tell him. I’ve already made my break. I can raise the baby on my own.
“Hey, how you feeling?” Nicole steps into my room.
I don’t know if it’s her question or just the situation in general, but my eyes well up with tears. She notices and is at my bedside in an instant. “Kens, we saw the letter. Honey, you don’t have to talk to him, ever.” She leans down and hugs me.
“It was just all too much, you know? I was already a wreck from seeing Justin and learning that he and Maxton are friends, then leaving Max.” A sob escapes me.
“Yeah, not a cool move by the way. We were worried sick. Max had another one of those feelings and he broke a few laws getting us back to the apartment. Why did you slip out in the middle of the night?”
“I just… I couldn’t stay and see his face when I told him we could no longer be together. I don’t want to make him choose, and I can’t deal with Justin being in my life,” I explain through my tears.
“I get that, Kens. I do, but did you ever stop and think that it’s not a choice for him? Maxton loves you. He was a wreck all the way here. There wouldn’t be a choice to be made; it’s you.”
“No. They’ve been friends for years. He’s known me less than one,” I justify my reasoning.
She sits on the edge of my bed. “You’re pushing him away. You’re his world, Kensington. You can trust that he loves you. This is not a game to him, and he would cut off his own arm before he did something to hurt you. I just spent the drive home with him, watching him battle the fear that something was wrong, along with the pain of you leaving. It’s tearing him up inside. Just like it is you. Don’t fight it. Let yourself be happy; let him love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
The room grows silent and I have a million thoughts running through my head. Will he feel the same way when he finds out about the baby? We had a scare after the first time, and he said no matter what happened he would be there, but did he mean it? “I’m pregnant.” I whisper the words.
“Did you just…?”
I nod. “The doctor just stopped in to tell me right before you came in. I had no idea.”
“Kens, you’re gonna be a mommy.” She smiles as her eyes well up with tears. “Are you going to tell him?”
She knows me so well it’s scary. “I don’t know,” I tell her honestly.
“Kensington, he deserves to know. You can’t keep something like this from him,” she scolds me.
“I just need some time to process it all. I just found out,” I reply defensively.
“He deserves to know. He’s sitting out there waiting to see you. Kens, you should have seen his face when you asked for me and not him. It crushed him.”
There’s a knock on the door. In walks a woman in a white coat pushing a machine. “Kensington, I’m Dr. Smith.” She glances at Nicole. “Is it all right to speak freely?” she questions. I nod in agreement. “Great. I’m here to take a look at your baby. I understand you were unaware that you’re expecting and you took a fall earlier.”
“Yes.”
She continues to explain the process of a vaginal ultrasound since my blood work numbers show that I’m early in pregnancy. She makes sure it’s okay that Nicole stays in the room with me and I insist on it. I don’t want to do this alone. A pang of guilt hits me because I know he’s out there. Max is in the waiting room and he should be here to see our baby for the first time.
The doctor sets up the machine and positions me on the table. The overall process is not as much uncomfortable as it is awkward. I’m staring at the screen even though I have no idea what I’m looking for.
“There,” she points at the screen, her fingers lands on a small black circle, “that right there is your baby.”
“Baby?” Maxton’s deep voice rumbles from the door. It only takes him a few strides with his long legs to get to me. He stalks to the side of my bed. Nicole steps back, allowing him to get close to me. He drops to his knees and grabs my hands. He brings them to his lips. His eyes lock on the screen. My eyes are locked on him. He swallows hard. “We made a baby?” he says.
The doctor clears her throat, causing me to tear my eyes away from Max. I can see the question in her eyes; I nod, letting her know it’s okay to speak in front of him. The cat is already out of the bag. “As I was saying, this,” she points at the screen, “is your baby. You’re very early in your pregnancy; from the measurements, you are four weeks along. Everything looks as it should. I’ll prescribe you prenatal vitamins that you will need to take daily. You should schedule an appointment with an obstetrician in the next four to six weeks.” She removes the wand, again awkward, gathers her machine and leaves.
“I’m just going to give you two a minute,” Nicole says.
Maxton, still holding onto my hands, rests his forehead against my belly. Never able to resist touching him, I run my fingers through his hair. We’re silent for a long time, neither one of us saying anything. When he finally looks at me, his cheeks are wet with moisture, eyes wet and red from his tears. “I love you so fucking much, Kensington James.” Taking one hand away from mine, he cups my face. “You scared the hell out of me, beautiful. When I saw you lying on the floor,” he swallows hard, “I thought I lost you, Kensi.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead.
I start to talk, but he places his index finger over my lips. “I got your letter,” he says solemnly. “There is no choice, Kensington. You are a part of my soul. You don’t walk away from your soul. I need for you to understand what you mean to me.” The hand that is now resting on my stomach, rubs gently. “What this baby means to me.” He moves to sit on the edge of the bed, his eyes boring into mine. “I don’t know if I have the words to explain it to you. You are always in my thoughts. There is not one moment of any day that you are not there. You light up my world. I thought I never wanted this, someone to call mine. Never thought I wanted to be that guy who shouts from the rooftops that he’s going to be a dad.” He smiles at me and places his hand back on my belly. “You make me that guy. Your love makes me a better man. I don’t want to go through life without you by my side. I need you there, Kensi. I need to know, that above all else, I will always have you. You are what I want. You own me heart and soul. I want to wake up with you every fucking day in my arms. I want to fall asleep the same way. I want to raise this baby with you, show him or her what it means to love and be loved. I want you to have my last name. I want every moment of every day filled with us.”
Hot tears are racing down my cheeks. How did I ever think I could walk away from him? Mom must have sent him to me. I know she would have loved him. I smile at the thought.
“There’s my beautiful girl,” he says, tenderly tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Maxton…” His lips softly touch mine. My resolve is broken. His words crumbled the last bit of resistance I was hanging onto.
Breaking away from the kiss, his lips trail down my neck and up to my ear. “We made a baby, Kens. A part of me is growing inside of you.” He pulls away so he can see my face. “I can’t explain how that feels.” His hand is back on my belly yet again. His palm is lying flat, his fingers splayed. “I can’t wait to take this journey with you.”
“I love you,” I say through my tears. “I’m sorry I left; I didn’t want to come between you. I didn’t want you to resent me.”
“Never.” His words hold conviction. “We’re a family, you, me and this little peanut.” He holds up the ultrasound picture. “I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want this with you.”
“Knock, knock,” my dad says from the doorway. I quickly wipe my eyes. Maxton, however, does not. His cheeks are still wet from the tracks of his tears.
“Hey, Grandpa,” Maxton says happily.
My dad stops in his tracks, processing his words. I can tell once it really hits him because his face lights up. It’s the same smile he used to give my mother. He’s truly happy again in the moment. My baby did that.
“Grandpa, huh?” he asks, walking to the opposite side of the bed from Max.
Maxton hands him the ultrasound picture as confirmation. “That talk we had, it’s going to happen. I hope you’re with me,” Max says to my dad. I have no idea what they’re talking about, but Dad seems to understand. He nods and his smile grows even bigger, if that’s possible.
“Congratulations.” He kisses me on the cheek. “I think I prefer Papaw though, don’t you?”
Max and I both laugh at his request. There is another knock on the door and in walks Bright and Nicole. “What did we miss?” Bright asks when he sees the three of us smiling.
“This,” Maxton says, handing him the ultrasound picture.
Brighton studies it and then looks up. “What am I looking at exactly?” he asks hesitantly.
“That, young man, is a picture of my first grandchild,” my dad says proudly.
“Holy shit! Congratulations, guys.” He holds his fist out to Max and they bump knuckles.
“How are you feeling?” Nicole asks and I can read between the lines. She wants to make sure I’m okay with Max and the baby.
I look up at Max, who is already looking at me. “Never better,” I say, my eyes never leaving his. He leans down and kisses me on the lips.
“I love you,” he says. His voice is firm and loud. He makes sure everyone in the room heard him, causing me to blush. “Don’t leave me hanging, beautiful.” He chuckles.
“I love you, too.”
THE DOCTOR COMES in and tells us that Kensi will be able to go home tomorrow. I insist that she stays with me. She argues that she’s fine. I need for her to understand that I want to take care of them, her and the baby.
Baby.
I’m going to be a dad.
“I can take care of myself,” she whines.
I cup her cheek in the palm of my hand. “I know you can take care of yourself. I also know I want you with me. I want to be the one you lean on. I want to take care of you.” I place my other hand over her belly. “Both of you.”
I watch as her eyes glass over with tears. This is hard for her. She, like me, never thought what we have was a possibility. She didn’t see herself finding what we have. It’s hard for her to accept that I’m in this.
Forever.
I can tell from the look in her eyes what she’s thinking.
“I can do this—”
I place a finger over her mouth to halt her words. “Not going to happen. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. I told you I loved you before you… left. I meant it. Baby or no baby, I want you with me.”
Her eyes bore into mine. She has trouble trusting and I know that. I’m okay with it. She will see that I’m not going anywhere. She’s a part of me and we’re having a baby. That’s just about as good as it gets. I really wish Dad were here to see this. To meet her and see how amazing she is, to see me become a dad. I will make damn sure I give our baby the love and support he/she needs.
“Don’t fight him, Kensi,” her dad pipes up. “Let the man spoil you. You deserve nothing less,” he tells her.
“See, let me spoil you. You have to listen to your father.” I wink at her.
“Since when are you two so chummy?” she pouts.
Leaning down, I place a chaste kiss on her lips. “Since you are the most important person in our world. We both love you; that alone is enough to bring us together,” I tell her.
“He reminds me of me at that age. I loved your mother and would stop at nothing to have her.” Her dad gives her a sad smile.
“Live life, Kensi. Love hard and enjoy every second.” His voice cracks.
“I love you, Dad.” Her voice is thick with the tears she’s fighting.
I sit on the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around her. She places her hand over mine. “Thank you,” she concedes.
Finally! “Never thank me for loving you, for taking care of you. It’s what I do.” I wink at her, trying to change the mood and dry up her tears.
“Now I just need to convince you to never leave,” I whisper in her ear. Her mouth drops open in surprise. I lift her chin to close it and kiss her softly on the lips. “We’re a family now, Kensi. The three of us.” I settle back against the bed and allow her to lean on me. This is where I’m supposed to be.
I WAS RELEASED from the hospital and Max brought me straight to his place. I’ve been here ever since. Nicole had already packed a few of my things and dropped them off. She and Bright have been staying at the apartment. Maxton keeps dropping hints that it’s the perfect switch. Not that I would tell him, but I agree. This time with him has been incredible. He’s sweet Maxton tenfold.
Rolling over, I look at the alarm clock. It’s one in the morning. Today is the anniversary of the day I lost my mother. I’ve been tossing and turning for hours, two, to be exact. I had to wait for Max to be in a deep sleep before I could wiggle out of his arms. He grumbled but released me. Afraid I’m going to wake him with my restlessness, I climb out of bed and head for the couch.
Curling up in the oversized chair with the throw he bought me, I let the tears fall. I tried to be strong, tried to hold it in. I’m glad he’s sleeping, not watching me fall apart. He worries about me, about the baby. He’s barely let me move a muscle this week. I’m fine; it was only a panic attack, but he doesn’t seem to care. He still babies me.
“Kensi.” His thick sleep-laced voice breaks through the sound of my tears. Striding toward me, he scoops me up in his arms and sits in the chair, holding me in his lap. Kissing my forehead, he says, “I got you, baby.”
The dam breaks and I let go of the pain. Even though I didn’t want him to see it, I’m where I need to be, in his arms. Maxton is able to soothe me with just a touch of his hand. He brings a peace over me that I’ve never felt. My heart breaks for the loss of my mother, but soars for the love of this man.
“His eyes are what I remember the most. They were dark, full of hatred and glaring at me. He kept telling me he was going to give me what I deserved. I can remember him yelling at me. He said I turned Justin against him. He said I had to pay the price.” A sob breaks free and I bury my face in his chest. His arms hold me like a vise, never wavering, letting me know he’s there. “He hit me across the face. I tried to fight him; I tried to break free, but the knife. He cut me.” Sitting up, I reach over to the end table and grab a handful of tissues from the box. “I can remember all of that, but not her. I remember hearing her voice, her begging him to leave me alone, and then nothing. Fade to black. My next memory is waking up in my hospital bed with my father at my side. I knew it was bad from the look on his face.”
Running his warm hands under my shirt, he gently strokes my back, trying to soothe me. “I just keep thinking if I would have fought harder, maybe I could have helped her. If I could have just stayed awake a little longer, I could have screamed for help, and she could still be alive.” I barely get the last words out before another round of sobs wrack my body.
“No, baby. It’s not your fault. You were trapped; you couldn’t save her. Don’t think like that,” he says, tugging me closer to his chest. I let him hold me while the tears fall. Not saying a word, he lets me work through the pain.
“I just feel guilty. She died protecting me, Maxton.”
“I know that,” he says softly, “and I understand why she did it.” He places his hand over my belly. “Peanut isn’t even here yet and I can tell you with everything in me that I would do the same thing for you and for our baby.”
I take in his words. I love this baby, too. So much, and for the first time, I think I understand why she did it, how she could put her life in danger for me. I knew she loved me. I just wasn’t able to understand a parent’s love, a mother’s love, until now.
“How do you think she would feel knowing you feel that way?” he questions. He studies me while I let his words bounce around and settle in. “Exactly,” he says. My expression must say it all.
“I just miss her so much. I wish she could have met you. I wish she was here to calm my fears about motherhood. I just wish she was here.”
“Kensi, baby, I know you miss her. I’m sorry she’s not here, but I know what kind of woman she was.”
I look up at him with a bewildered expression. “She raised you. You are a part of her, and she’s a big part of who you are. You will love our baby just like she loved you. You’ll start traditions; the same ones you shared with your mom. I’ll do the same. Dad used to take me fishing; I loved it when I was a kid,” he says wistfully.
Placing his hand over my heart, he says, “She’s here. Every day she’s here and we will make sure our baby knows both of them. Your dad is here; he’s going to spoil this baby rotten.” He smirks.
“Your mom?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “It’s been years; I want nothing to do with her. I sure as hell don’t want her anywhere near you or our baby. You’re my family, Kensi.”
“I love you, Maxton Cooper,” I say before pressing my lips to his.
