Текст книги "Jerk"

Автор книги: Kat T. Masen

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

 

I toss and turn all night, thinking about Jason and questioning whether or not I made the right decision. Well, truth be told, if I hadn’t parted ways with him then, I wouldn’t have had my son. But now, after seeing Jason turn up at my doorstep, I wonder if it’s too late for us. Being in the company of Jason Hart was easy, carefree, and relaxing. He’s not the type of person to create unnecessary drama, unlike some other jerk I know.

Haden, as predicted, hasn’t texted or called me after storming off in a huff. This game of his is getting old and his short temper only causes more friction between us. Yet, when we get along, I really enjoy being around him. Is there such a thing as male PMS? I swear, Haden Cooper could be the frontrunner for a nationwide campaign for it.

My mind refuses to shut down and just when I begin to fall asleep, Masen wakes up, demanding to be fed. Half asleep, I nestle him into a feeding position and try to keep my eyes open. For some unknown reason, he refuses to latch on, squirming uncomfortably and crying. Following the normal routine, I check his diaper, attempt to burp him, then try again to feed him. He still refuses to latch on, and an hour later, I am out of my mind.

“What do you want, Masen?” I cry, rocking him back and forth.

Nothing appears to work and I’ve already deemed myself a horrible mother. I grab my cell and dial the Jerk’s number, not expecting him to pick up after our argument earlier tonight. After several rings, he answers. The background is loud, and no surprise, he’s probably at a club getting wasted.

“Malone, are you okay?” he yells over the noise.

“No, I’m not. Masen won’t settle and I don’t know what to do.” I hold back my tears and, of course, Masen continues to wail over me.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

That twenty minutes feels like forever, and the second my door buzzes, I scramble to answer it. Haden enters immediately, throwing his helmet, keys, and cell onto the sofa and grabbing Masen from me. He’s dressed in a pair of black dress pants and a dark grey shirt rolled up at the sleeves; it’s different from his normally casual attire of jeans and a tee on the weekends. He looks good…real good. But hey, what do I know? I’m sleep deprived and sex deprived, and neither one of those problems would be solved anytime soon.

He moves towards my bedroom and I follow behind him. It only takes a couple of minutes of Haden rubbing his back in a circular motion for Masen to finally settle. When ten minutes passes without a single sound, my emotions and tired state get the better of me and I begin to cry.

“I can’t do this…alone.”

“You’re not alone. It’s just one bad night,” he reassures me.

He moves to sit down on the bed, keeping Masen comfortable and quiet while I continue to stand there like a sobbing mess. I’m a wreck, dressed in my old baseball tee and boxers with my hair a wild mess. Heavy bags have formed under my eyes and my skin appears dry and pale.

“This is hard. Look at me…I haven’t slept. My hair hasn’t had a proper shampoo in forever. I’ve been wearing the same shirt for like the past two weeks because I can’t get to the Laundromat. I have no clue what I’m doing!”

“Presley…just calm down. It’s not that bad. Why don’t I get my mom here to come help you for a few hours? She’s dying to spend time with Masen.”

“Not that bad?” I raise my voice slightly. “I’m a mess…and…I feel like the worst mother in the world. I bet Eloise won’t look like that when you guys have babies. She’ll probably just push that baby out and—”

“Presley…”

I continue to ramble on, ignoring him. “And I bet she has that type of hair that is silky and smooth all the time like those shampoo commercials where the chick just flicks her hair and she looks like she just stepped out of the salon.”

“Malone,” he raises his tone.

“What?” I say, exasperated from my rant.

He doesn’t say anything further but nods his head, motioning for me to look at my chest. I look down and through my shirt that my milk has leaked and left two patches. Just fucking great…and here come the waterworks.

“See? I can’t even feed my child and then this happens,” I cry.

He lays Masen down beside the pillow and covers him with a blanket. Haden moves towards me, and in my pathetic state, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer into him. I don’t care what’s happening right now and continue to cry into his chest. Holding me tight, he gives me time to release my frustrations until my sobs slow down.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He kisses my forehead and slowly pushes me away, still keeping our bodies in close range. Cupping my face, he gives me a sympathetic smile before speaking quietly so as not to stir Masen. “You’ve got to learn to ask for help. I’m here, Presley…I’ll always be here when you need me. Just don’t drop bullshit bombs on me like earlier.”

“You’ve got a life, Haden. You can’t stop living it. Like tonight, where were you?”

“It was a stupid party for Eloise’s friend. Trust me, I didn’t want to go.”

His deep stare and bewitching smile only reiterate what I’m terrified of feeling. How could the man standing here in front of me, the father to my son, not be the person I’m supposed to fall in love with? Yet every time we fight, it somehow brings us closer together, and I fall into the trap of thinking I really am in love with him.

How can I be in love with Haden Cooper?

I want to pull away from him, create the distance my heart needs right now, but he moves his hands down my arms till they’re sitting on the base of my shirt. Without saying a word, he grips the hem of my shirt and motions for me to lift my arms. I have no idea what he’s doing, but in my tired state, I let him take my soaked shirt off. I stand there in only my bra as he wraps his arms back around me, kissing my shoulder. As much as I want to stay like this, Masen begins to squirm.

“I think he’s hungry. Why don’t you take your bra off and feed him? I promise I won’t look.”

I laugh softly. “Have you seen them? They’re impossible to hide.”

“How can I not notice them?” He smirks. “But seriously, our son is hungry. I can turn around.”

My bra is wet and uncomfortable and I know I need to release the milk. I ask him to turn around for a brief moment as I unclasp my bra. It’s a relief to take it off and I feel the pressure subside immediately. Making myself comfortable on the bed, I move to lay on my side and pull the sheets to cover part of my skin. I pull Masen closer to me and he latches on with ease, gently sucking away. Haden turns around and lays beside me on the bed. Stroking Masen’s hair, he hums a tune I don’t recognize.

“You’re doing a great job,” he whispers. “You’re a natural even though you don’t see it.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“No first-time mom does.”

“Yeah but first-time moms have husbands that help them.”

“I told you, I’m here.”

“You won’t be here forever. You’ll be doing the same thing with your wife soon.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

I keep my voice down so as not to wake up Masen. “You never want to address it, Haden. If you love her, then marry her. But these moments we have…they need to stop.”

“What if I don’t want them to stop?”

“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Sometimes you’ve got to make decisions and deal with the consequences, whether it good or bad. I’m a realist. I stepped away from a relationship even though it wasn’t easy.”

“But you don’t think with your heart.”

“Of course I do. I loved Jason—”

“But you wanted more,” he interrupts. “Tell me, what is your heart telling you now?”

He is asking me a question I dare not answer truthfully, because if I do, there’s a huge possibility my heart will be exposed and shatter if he walks down that aisle…with her. But on the flipside, I’m sick of this emotional rollercoaster and walking on eggshells.

“It’s telling me that love is a constant battle. The man that steals my heart…I want him to fight for me. I want to be the only woman he thinks about, the only woman his heart beats for. I want to be the object of his desire, the body he worships every day. I want to feel like nothing in this world exists if he doesn’t feel all those things for me.”

Behind his glasses, his beautiful eyes are consumed by my words. I know he feels something, but how much? I have no idea. My fingers ache to reach out and caress his face, but I’m terrified. The tiny human lying between us is at stake. One wrong move and his life changes forever.

“You deserve all that…and a man who will give you that.”

On cue, my hearts sinks, confirming what I’ve known all along. He cares. Just not enough. And maybe these thoughts in my head need to stop. Just like my relationship with Jason. I pulled the plug when things weren’t as they should’ve been. If I did it once, I can do it again.

Masen’s gentle snores start as he falls asleep peacefully at my breast. Haden lifts him up slowly and pats him, prompting a loud burp before moving him to his crib and wrapping him tight. Lying here, semi-naked, I’m vulnerable both physically and emotionally. Haden removes his shoes and climbs back into the bed with me, this time moving under the sheets. My body appears flushed, and the way his eyes are laced with desire can only mean one thing.

Kitty is back and has her cheerleader outfit on. Give me an F…give me a U…

“Presley, I can’t hold this back anymore.”

His luscious lips have found their way to mine, and with his tight grip around my waist, it’s impossible to pull away…especially with my body betraying me. His tongue circles mine as we both moan into each other’s mouths.

Out of breath, I pull away for a brief moment. “Haden, we can’t.”

His lips have already moved to the base of my neck as he mumbles. “I need you.”

The rush he gives me shoots straight down below, and between my legs I’m soaking wet. I’m struggling to hold onto my morals as my physical side demands that he give me all of him. Just one more minute…then I’ll stop.

He knows I’ll stop him, and with a desperate rush he has made his way down to my breasts, licking circles around my nipples and causing my back to arch in pleasure. It’s difficult to keep my moans to a silent plea, and sensing my desperation, he moves his right hand towards my mouth and covers it with his palm.

“Just let me have a taste…just one taste…”

I don’t have to let him. He takes what he wants, and the moment he sucks on my nipples, an impending orgasm is on the verge of breaking loose. No…no…

“Haden...we have to stop!”

I manage to push him away just as the orgasm is about to hit, and Kitty throws a massive tantrum, kicking and screaming and demanding I finish.

Guiding his head back towards my face, I watch his eyes and the fire burning within them.

“We can’t do this. Not while you’re in a relationship. I’m not that person.”

His chest is pumping hard, and trying to catch his breath, he finally speaks. “I know it’s wrong. I just want you, Presley.”

“I want you too, Haden. But we can’t…not unless you end things with her.”

He pulls back. “Is that an ultimatum?”

“No,” I correct him. “It’s called having morals. I’m not a mistress, nor do I want to have an affair. I can’t deny what I feel for you, but I’m not the one engaged here.”

I see the turmoil in his expression and pull him closer one more time, for one last kiss.

“I should probably go,” he whispers, disappointed.

“You probably should.”

Reluctantly, he climbs out of the bed and slides his shoes back on. He adjusts his crotch and I ignore how hard he looks beneath the fabric. Why, oh why was I raised to be a good, moral woman?!

Walking towards the door, he stops and turns back to face me. “Give me time to sort out my life, Presley. I want you in it…I just need to fix the mess I created.”

Those are his final words, and for me, tonight, it’s exactly what I need to hear. A promise of a future.

That night, I dream of Haden Cooper. The man my heart and soul wants so desperately. That part about my heart being fragile…it’s too late. It belongs to him. It’s all his. All he needs to do is keep it safe, secure it up in bubble wrap, and ensure that it doesn’t shatter.

That should be easy, right?

 

The next day I get a surprise visit from Haden’s mom. Armed with a bag of wool and knitting needles, she insists I take a couple of hours off to do whatever the hell I want to do. At first, I’m reluctant. Masen is almost four weeks old and I haven’t been away from him at all.

“I understand you feel conflicted. The first time I left Haden with my mother-in-law, I was a blubbering mess. It didn’t help that she was the wicked witch of the west. God rest her soul.” She raises her head towards the ceiling and makes the sign of the cross.

“How about I just go for an hour?”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with. If you need longer, please take longer. I just want to spend time with my grandson.”

I opt to feed him before heading out. It gives me the peace of mind I need, plus chatting with Mrs. Sadler keeps me entertained.

“Please, call me Liz.”

“Okay, Liz,” I hesitate, not sure why. “So, Haden tells me he has twin sisters. That must have been a handful.”

She continues to knit what appear to be booties, all the while managing to still hold a conversation. “The girls weren’t as much of a handful as Haden was. He was and still is strong-headed. Takes after his dad.”

“You’re telling me. I’ve met mules less stubborn than him.”

“He’s a good boy, it’s just…” she trails off for a moment before continuing. “His father’s death was hard on all of us, but it was Haden who took it the hardest.”

“Of course,” I mumble, “Boys need their dads.”

Looking down at Masen’s angelic face, I can’t imagine bestowing any pain on him. If I had my way, I would wrap him up in bubble wrap and protect him forever.

“Liz, I don’t know how you do it. The thought of my son going through any pain kills me.”

“Over time, you learn to let go, but only slightly. Haden shuts down and doesn’t allow anyone in. For a couple of years, I was a wreck, worried for his life. He was erratic and had no regard for his wellbeing. David kept telling me that he needed to grieve in his own way, as well as grow up. He was young when the accident occurred.”

My heart broke for Haden. It was too much for him to experience at such a young age, and so unfair that he was dealt that card. I loved my dad so much and couldn’t even begin to understand the grief of losing a parent.

“You know, Presley, you’ve done wonders for my son.”

“For Haden? You must be mistaken. It’s not like that between us,” I stammer nervously.

She places her knitting needles on her lap. When she smiles, she looks exactly like Haden.

“Liz, the both of us had a lot of growing to do to be able to co-parent Masen, and even then, it’s only been four weeks.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t see what I do. My son adores you.”

With my eyes fixated on Masen, I speak solemnly. “He’s marrying Eloise. Things between us are far too complicated. Whatever happens, happens.”

“You know,” she adds, “one thing I’ve learned about Haden is that he will never listen to anyone. Every decision he makes, he feels he has to own it, whether it be good or bad. Just be patient, Presley. Let him do what he needs to do, but in the end, I have faith that he will make the right decision.”

The decision he made to marry Eloise still baffles me. But just like Liz said, he owns his decisions, good or bad. When he was in London we were practically strangers—if you ignore our midnight rendezvous. I didn’t know where his head was at or what his intentions were. Now, he seems completely different. He’s been matured by the birth of his son, and deep down inside I know he is a good man. Everything Liz said he was.

Our conversation leaves me with a lot to think about, so with a settled Masen, I grab my purse and kiss him goodbye. The second the door closes behind me, I burst into tears, overwhelmed by leaving him behind.

There were so many moments over the past four weeks when I just wanted a break, and now that I’ve finally got some time alone, I’m a blubbering mess. All I want to do is open that door, pull on my sweats, and never leave him again.

Reality check. I have to do this eventually, so I make my way out of the apartment and promise myself I’ll be back in exactly an hour.

It turns out that I enjoy my freedom way more than I should. I stop at a local café and devour a meal in peace and quiet, followed by a trip to the salon. In the space of two hours, my regular stylist, Chantelle, works magic on my hair and eyebrows. She even manages to get Kitty back to normal. By the time she’s finished, I feel like my old self again. My hair is trimmed, and because I’m in the mood for something different, she dyes it a honey-brown color. My body is hair-free and I can’t believe how such a simple thing could lift my spirits so much.

As Chantelle wraps up, I quickly grab my cell and send Haden a text.

Thank you for sending your mommy over. I’m feeling much better and nicely trimmed.

The chime of my cell goes off before I even have a chance to place it back in my purse.

Poodle got a trim? Dare I ask where?

Laughing out loud at his text, I hand my credit card over to Chantelle and finalize my bill. After saying goodbye, I stroll leisurely back home and respond to his text.

Mind out of gutter Jerk! My fro…

 

On my head!

It’s in our best interest to not mention Kitty’s makeover. That, and I’m still trying to get used to being bare. I wait for what feels like forever until my cell chimes yet again.

Always playing hard to get. Can’t wait to see the trimmed poodle tonight.

Every night that week, Haden comes over after work. This time, however, it’s different between us. He stays for hours on end and lies beside me, just talking. Both of us share stories of our past, laughing at random memories, from our childhoods to our awkward teenage moments. We share our dreams and our hopes for the future, and every night I learn a little bit more about Haden Cooper. Tonight is no different, and Haden finally begins to open up about his dad.

“The night we got that call, we were all sitting at the dinner table waiting for him.” He closes his eyes and continues to lie on his back, recalling the tragic memory. “I was angry at my parents that night. Especially Dad for not letting me go to baseball camp. Mom had made his favorite soup and I remember the skin on the soup forming over because it was cold. He didn’t have a cell phone back then so we just waited.”

I lace my fingers through his, ignoring his sweaty palms.

“The police knocked on the door and I watched my mom fall to the ground screaming. My sisters were really young at the time, so I told them to go to their room. I didn’t want them to see mom like that. It wasn’t the police that told me, but my mother. He had been driving home on a winding part of the road and another driver swerved to avoid hitting a drunk hitchhiker and hit Dad’s car head-on. The man driving lost his wife and young son in the accident.”

Haden takes a deep breath and opens his bloodshot eyes, turning to face me. “The man driving that other car was David.”

My mouth gapes open as the blood rushes from my face. “Mr. Sadler?”

He nods. “After the deaths and funerals, Mom and David became friends, having to both deal with similar grief. Romantically, nothing happened until years later, but it didn’t surprise me when it did. I wasn’t dealing well with anything and everything just went downhill from there.”

“You were fifteen, right?”

“Yes. Fifteen with a massive chip on my shoulder. The rest of high school I kept to myself, losing any interest in baseball or girls. Kids would tease and bully me but I ignored them. When college rolled around I was desperate to move, and David convinced Mom to allow me some freedom. I don’t know if it’s it what I needed. It was a time in my life where I experimented with everything I could to forget the pain and also when I got a taste for sex.” He chuckles lightly, unable to hide the wicked grin on his beautiful face.

I laugh along with him. College was the time everyone got a taste for sex. Yet somehow, through the generations, parents still allowed their kids to attend and move into frat houses.

“Remember this conversation when Masen asks to move across the country.”

He simply grins. “That seems so far away.”

Still holding hands, he continues to tell his story. “After college, I had no idea what to do with my life. I traveled a bit and got into extreme sports abroad. There is such an adrenaline rush when you jump off the highest bridge in the world. I got really addicted to that feeling but after a couple of years, Mom and David had had enough. Plus, I ran out of money.”

“And then what?”

“I couldn’t hold down a job in the city. I was bored with the usual political shit until David offered me a position I couldn’t refuse. He wanted me to learn the ropes at Lantern Publishing so he could commence his five-year retirement exit.”

“You know,” I say, “it explains so much. Like why half the time you just didn’t give a shit about anything.”

His smirk widens and as he moves to his side, he runs his finger down my cheek. “Oh, I gave a shit alright. About you.”

“Whatever.” I laugh. “You never once paid attention to me unless you needed something.”

“The very first day I started, you were wearing a black dress with a white collared shirt under and these red pumps that I couldn’t stop jerking off over.”

“Haden!” I say in shock.

“True story. But then I overheard you rambling on about your wedding so I lost interest. I wanted to fuck you, not break up your engagement and have you wanting a commitment from me. So I occupied my time at work by playing the stock market. Actually, I got quite good at it and managed to make a fairly decent amount which I tucked away for a rainy day.”

“You’re so crass. I can’t believe you thought about me that way.”

“Well, the day that the office buzzed about your broken engagement, I was not going to let anyone get a hold of you. John and Mike were the first to express their interest in you.”

“John with the beer gut and Mike with the unconfirmed toupee?”

He shakes his head, laughing quietly, not wanting to wake Masen. “I shut them down, saying the reason you broke up with what’s-his-face was because you had baby fever.”

“You did not say that! They must think I lured you in like a cougar,” I say, half embarrassed.

“They can think whatever they want. I had my eyes set on making your life hell so you’d notice me…I just didn’t expect this.”

“So the Fallen Baby project?”

“I coerced David into letting me work on that. Mind you, that was before I knew you were pregnant.”

“What about London?”

“That’s half my fault. David wanted me there but I kept refusing. After that night in the club I knew I couldn’t be around you. You’re like this magnetic force field and no matter how much I told myself I could resist you, I just couldn’t.”

I let out a sigh and try to take all of this in. How different things could have been between us if he was honest about his feelings all along! There is still the issue of Eloise…

“And Eloise…why?”

“Presley,” he chastises. “Please let me sort that out.”

I turn over onto my back. This Eloise thing is the only thing stopping us from being together. From being a family. Why can’t he just admit why he was…still is (in my eyes) marrying her?

“I need time to take all of this in,” I confess.

“Take what in?”

“You, not answering my questions about Eloise. Everything about the past. I’m just…overwhelmed.”

No more words are said tonight. And maybe it’s for the best. He moves his body to a sitting position, then leans in to kiss my cheek. “So tomorrow, you’re bringing Masen into the office?”

I simply nod, followed by the only smile I can muster. A fake one.

 

Entering the office building feels like visiting your home after a long vacation. I had missed everything about it, from the hustle and bustle of the corporate world, to the office attire, and even the politics. Vicky greets me downstairs in the lobby, running towards me in new Louis Vuitton pumps. Bitch! Where did she get those?!

“Ahem, what’s going on south of your kitty?”

She gladly lifts her feet, proudly showing off her new attire. “Oh, you mean these? Well, Patrick bought them for me. Kind of like an ‘I want you back’ present.”

I shake my head at her willingness to accept extravagant gifts from a dickhead who can’t keep his pants shut. I drop the subject, not wanting to get into an argument.

“So,” she says, taking the stroller off me and pushing it towards the elevator. “What’s happening tonight? Are you still meeting Jason for dinner?”

The whole week I went back and forth about cancelling my dinner with Jason. Things were going so good between Haden and me that I didn’t want to create any unnecessary drama. But last night, after his confession, I thought long and hard about what I wanted. Having dinner with Jason was just that—dinner. I’m not planning on having sex with him, but although we ended on friendly terms, there is a sense of closure that I need from him in order to be able to move forward.

“Right now, I’m still deciding. But if I do, you’re still okay to babysit?”

“Of course! Can’t wait to hang out with my gorgeous soon-to-be godson,” she coos at Masen.

“And about that. Don’t mention that to Haden yet. I don’t think he is religious, at all.”

Vicky slides her finger along her mouth, then flicks it to the side. “My lips are sealed.”

Bringing Masen to the office is extremely overwhelming. Every woman and her overactive ovaries are fussing over him, all fighting to have a cuddle so they can smell his skin. It was only announced last week that Dee was expecting a baby with Sugar Daddy. Four months along, according to Mr. National Inquirer himself, Clive. She seems happy, asking me questions about pregnancy and birth. I’m not here to judge her, despite her sugar daddy being old enough to be her grandfather.

Clive is doing his thing, making weird sounds at Masen and trying to make him smile.

“Jesus, Pres, he looks exactly like the Jerk.”

“I would question her if he didn’t.” Haden is standing behind an embarrassed Clive.

Haden moves into the circle and my eyes move up his body and land on his torso. He’s wearing a navy, fitted business shirt with a thin black tie and he has rolled the sleeves up like he always does. Fucking kill me now…. Kitty just wants to dry hump his arms. His face has broken out into his trademark smile, and his glasses…argh! Why the hell does he look so irresistible today?!

Because you made a promise to not touch him while he was still engaged to Eloise.

“Motherhood agrees with you, Pres.” Clive raises his eyebrows and cups his chest, motioning to my huge breasts. “So, Masen drinks breast milk only?”

I nod. “Haven’t had the need to start the formula yet.”

“Have you tasted it?” Clive attempts to whisper.

“Clive!” Vicky scolds, followed with, “Yeah, have you?”

I shake my head at the both of them, trying to hold in my laughter. “No. But I heard it’s supposed to taste like—”

“Cantaloupe juice,” Haden interjects. “It was on an episode of Friends.”

Mortified, because he must have tasted it the other night, I lower my head so as not to reveal my flushed face. Vicky and Clive snicker as Haden continues to stand there with a wide smirk on his face, rubbing his chin with his stare fixated on me.

“Well, there you go,” I say. “Cantaloupe juice. Not that I know what that tastes like, but I imagine it’s sweet. Anyways, look at the time!”

Haden kisses Masen before telling me he has a meeting that is expected to turn into a dinner since it’s one of our stakeholders from London. I say goodbye to him before he disappears.

“Okay, so let me know about tonight?” Vicky reminds me.

“Thanks Vicky, I will. I probably won’t go ahead with it, but I’ll let you know either way.”

Vicky and Clive head back to their cubicles as I make my way to the elevator. It opens and Eloise exits.

Shit.

Stepping out of the elevator, looking like a supermodel, she spots me and plasters on a fake smile. As usual, she is dressed to the nines in a perfectly pressed pantsuit with nine-inch pumps. Her blonde hair is styled (yes, straight out of the salon) and her skin looks nicely tanned and extremely clear. She makes it impossible to hate anything about her. At least if she had a giant mole on her nose and a long chin, I could refer to her as a witch.

“I didn’t expect to see you here…with the baby.”

She peeks her head into the stroller and finally gets a glimpse of her soon-to-be stepson. There, I said it. Pulling back instantly, her fake smile makes another appearance. “He’s pretty.”

Pretty? She called my son “pretty”? No one calls my son pretty and gets away with it. I may have been polite to her before, but this time she has something I want, and I’m not in the mood to play nice.

“Masen is a boy, so I’m not sure ‘pretty’ is the correct word.”

“Oh, you know what I mean.” She shrugs it off. “My mind is all over the place. Since Haden postponed the wedding and all. The caterer is booked for the next six months so I’ve been running around trying to find a new one. It’s just been a mess.”

“I’m sure you’ll find one.” This time it’s my turn to bring the fake smile to the table.

“We’d better. The wedding is next Saturday.”

“You’re getting married next Saturday?” I almost choke.

“Uh huh. This is it. I told Haden no more postponing and he agreed,” she squeals. “I hope you’re free?”

“I…uh…Masen will probably cry and stuff.”

Did I just say that? Excuse me while my heart throws itself onto the ground so it can continue to be stomped on, along with any self-respect and dignity I have left.

“Well, that’s another thing. We’d really like it if Haden’s mom pushed the baby down the aisle. Actually, I bought this little outfit for him and my mom decorated my old carriage with lace and flowers.”

She pulls out her cell and flicks through photos while I continue to stand here, shell-shocked. The wedding is still going to happen and everything Haden said was nothing but empty promises. Lies, to be exact.

And just at that moment, the realization that maybe I’m living in denial in this sick and twisted game is like a sword piercing my heart, continually stabbing me till I am out of breath. My hands have clasped onto the handle of the stroller and all I can see is my knuckles turning stark white. My breaths are few and far between, and all the while, I hear the echoes of Eloise’s laugh taunting me, naming me a fool.