Текст книги "The Secrets of Lake Road"

Автор книги: Karen Katchur

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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

The light under the tent temporarily blinded Jo. She stopped walking, waiting for the spots to clear. Her face was still sore where Dee Dee had smacked her not once, but twice. She touched her cheek tenderly. After Patricia had explained everything she had witnessed the night Billy had drowned, Dee Dee had tossed Jo a frozen bag of peas as a kind of peace offering for slugging her. They talked for the next several hours, a game of Remember When, with all their memories centered on Billy.

Jo wouldn’t go as far as to say she and Dee Dee were friends. She wasn’t sure they would ever define their relationship in those terms, but they had reached an understanding, one of tolerance for each other for Johnny’s sake. It was a start. Or maybe it was the end of something. Dee Dee was unpredictable. But whatever happened from this night on, Jo no longer felt threatened by her.

Once her vision had cleared, she kept to the perimeter of the parking lot near the edge of the woods and away from the festival. Most of the stands and tables under the tents were empty, waiting for the merchandise to be displayed in the morning. The last of the temporary lights turned off as the few remaining workers headed home for the night.

She was closing in on the path that would lead to the ballpark and colony when Kevin stepped out from a shadow and blocked her way. She stiffened at the sight of him, unprepared to confront him so soon after learning what he had done. His hair was sticking up as though he had been running his fingers through it for hours. His eyes were wet and glassy. He smelled as though he had been drinking.

“What happened?” he asked, and motioned toward her cheek.

She turned her head away.

“What’s wrong?” He reached for her.

“Don’t touch me.” She glanced over his shoulder at the woods, looking for a way to escape, spying the entrance to the path.

“What did I do?” he asked.

She stared at him in disbelief. “What did you do?” Something inside of her came undone and thrashed in the air around them. “You let me think I was responsible for Billy drowning because I pushed him into the lake. But all this time, it wasn’t me.” She shook her head. “It was you.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”

Her words stumbled out in a rush. “You were the last one with him. Not me. You pushed him into the lake. He hit his head when you pushed him.”

“No,” he said, and grabbed her arms. “You’re wrong.”

She struggled to pull herself free. “Patricia saw you. She saw the whole thing that night. He was alive after I left, and she can prove it.”

He gripped her biceps tight and looked as though he was trying to work out what she was telling him.

“She saw you push him. Not me.” She yanked her arms free. “She saw you push him.” She cried. “And what about his arm, Kev? What did you do to his arm?”

“I think he hurt it when we were fighting on the pier,” he said.

But she wasn’t looking for an answer. All she wanted was to get as far away from him as she could. She couldn’t stand to be near him for one second more. All these years he let her believe she was the one to blame for Billy’s death. But it was him. It was his fault.

She took off running. She entered the woods a few feet from the path, tripping through the bush until she found the narrow trail.

He wasn’t far behind. His feet stomped the ground, heavy and uncertain. She could outrun him if he were drunk, and she lengthened her stride, losing her flip-flops along the way. They were too hard to run in anyway.

“Jo, wait,” he called. “I can explain.”

She kept running. Why wasn’t Cougar barking, alerting everyone there was someone in the woods? She wanted someone, anyone, to know she was there, she wasn’t to blame.

She reached Lake Road and darted across. She stumbled into the ballpark. She was a few steps away from the dirt road that led into the colony, a few steps away from the cabins when Kevin caught up to her. His feet tangled with hers, tripping her from behind. Her body hit the ground with a thud.

He moved on top of her. She tried to roll him off, twisting and turning, wrestling her way out from under him. He grabbed her shoulders and flipped her onto her back, pinning her hips with his weight. Sweat dripped from his nose and chin.

“Let me explain,” he said, panting.

She bucked. “Get off!” she yelled.

He held her down. “Not until you listen to me.”

She wriggled.

“Please,” he said. “Just let me explain.”

“No.” She brought her leg up and kneed him as hard as she could. He cried out and rolled off her, cupping his hands between his legs.

She sprung to her feet. He remained coiled in the grass, his face contorted in pain. She should leave him here, run back to The Pop-Inn. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Instead she stood over him, unable to move away. After all their years together, growing up together, a part of her understood she would always love him no matter what he had done. She couldn’t switch her feelings off as though she were turning off a light. It wasn’t that easy.

After a few minutes he unfolded his body, still lying on his side. Neither of them spoke for several more seconds.

“You deserved that,” she said.

“I know.”

“I was never yours to take. I will never be yours. But if it makes you feel any better, I was never Billy’s, either.” She wouldn’t, couldn’t, be owned by either of them, not then and not now.

He didn’t say anything, and rolled onto his back, staring at the night sky.

“How could you let me think what happened that night was my fault? How could you not tell me the truth?”

“I’m sorry.” He was crying, sobbing. “You have to understand. You wouldn’t have married me if I did.”

“How do you know what I would’ve done?” she asked. “You never gave me a chance.” She paused, sure of only one thing. “I won’t tell anyone what you did. I already have one child who lost a father. I don’t want to have two.” Her own tears started falling, and she wiped them from her cheeks. “But I don’t know what Dee Dee and Patricia will do.”

He turned his head away as though it hurt to look at her. “Everything I did. All of it,” he said. “I swear, I did it for you.”

“No, Kevin, you didn’t. You did it for you.”

*   *   *

Jo pulled open the screen door to The Pop-Inn and stepped inside. Every inch of her body hurt from the inside out. It even hurt to think. All she wanted was to fall into bed. She wasn’t more than two steps across the porch when Caroline rushed in behind her. Caroline’s sneakers were covered in mud and her arms and legs were marred with scratches. Her face was pale and she was breathing hard.

Jo was about to ask her daughter if she was messing with Stimpy’s traps again when Caroline threw herself into Jo’s arms and said, “I found Sara’s body.”

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

It was close to three a.m., the dead hour. The Pavilion and bar had closed. Most of the lake community were tucked safely in their beds fast asleep, unaware of the news.

Caroline stood on the beach next to her friends. Their parents stood behind them. Mr. Roberts put his hand on Megan’s shoulder. Mrs. Roberts bent her head toward Caroline’s mother and murmured something about the emotional state of the drowned little girl’s mother.

“She’s in good hands,” Caroline’s mother assured her.

Cougar lay down near Adam’s feet. The dog chomped happily on a piece of beef jerky. Since it was Cougar who found the little girl, the dog became a celebrity of sorts with the parents stopping to pat his head.

While their group waited for the underwater recovery team’s watercraft to return with the body, Sheriff Borg peppered Caroline and the other kids with questions about what they were doing at the other end of the lake so late at night, and what was Stimpy’s dog doing with them?

The twins explained they had been searching for Adam’s fishing hole when Cougar found her. Adam mumbled something about his secret spot no longer being secret.

“And the dog?” the sheriff asked just as Stimpy approached from the pier.

Caroline opened her mouth, willing to take full responsibility, but Stimpy spoke up before she had a chance. He assured the sheriff he wasn’t interested in pressing charges, although he was quite certain the kids not only stole his dog, but also released the snappers from his traps.

Caroline didn’t believe Stimpy was letting them off easy because it was the right thing to do. No, he simply didn’t want to look like the bad guy in front of their parents, who also happened to be paying customers.

Seizing the opportunity to get Cougar away from Stimpy once and for all, she said, “The dog should go to Adam.” She glanced at Adam’s mother, who didn’t object. “You don’t even take care of him,” she said to Stimpy. “He’s tied up all day and night. He’s neglected and it’s cruel.”

“The law protects animals, too,” Caroline’s mother said, jumping in and sticking up for her. “Isn’t that right, Sheriff?”

“That’s right,” the sheriff said.

“Why, you little—” Stimpy was cut-off when Heil appeared behind him and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Under the circumstances,” Heil said, “what harm is there in letting the boy have the dog?” He made sure to look at each and every one of the kids as he spoke, his beady eyes roaming their guilty faces.

“Big of you,” Caroline’s mother said.

Caroline elbowed her. She didn’t want her mother to make matters worse. It was no secret neither Stimpy nor Heil were friends of her family nor did the men give any indication that they’d like to be. Heil could easily tell Stimpy to press charges, to take the dog back, and the man would listen. Heil made the rules at the lake. He would always make the rules, whether anyone liked it or not.

Stimpy grumbled but was otherwise willing to let the dog go under Heil’s orders.

“Can I keep him, Mom?” Adam asked.

“I don’t see why not,” his mother said.

Adam hugged Cougar tightly.

They turned their attention toward the lake as the recovery team’s watercraft slowly made its way to the pier.

Heil walked away from the group, directing Stimpy to open the two large gates that lead to the beach. The SWIM AT YOUR OWN RISK sign rattled against the chain-link fence as though it were saying, I told you so.

The kids and parents parted as the coroner’s vehicle backed onto the sand. Two men hopped out, opened the back doors, and pulled out a stretcher.

Sara’s mother had been waiting at the pier. She released the most terrifying sound Caroline had ever heard. Caroline pinched her eyes closed and waited for the cry to end. She searched for comfort in the thought that at least Sara was finally with her mother. When she opened her eyes again, the men were loading Sara’s body into the back of the van. The vehicle rolled off the beach in a hushed silence until it reached the parking lot, where the gravel crackled under its tires. It drove behind the Pavilion and up the hill onto Lake Road and out of sight.

Underwater recovery started packing their gear. One of the men explained Sara’s body most likely surfaced sometime during the storm on that first night, a term they called refloating, and the wind had carried her to the south end of the lake. It was the reason they hadn’t been able to find her sooner.

*   *   *

Once underwater recovery was packed and gone, Caroline’s friends and their parents started making their way home. No one talked. There was nothing left to say.

Sheriff Borg tipped his hat at Caroline and her mother, pausing a long time to look over her mother’s bruised face.

“It’s a long story,” her mother told him. “But you’ll have to ask Dee Dee if you want to hear it. I’m sure she’ll be happy to tell you all about it.”

The sheriff continued staring at her mother as though he had more to say, but maybe under the circumstances he decided it could wait because he said, “Fair enough,” and walked away. He stopped to talk with Chris’s mother, Dee Dee. Chris and Johnny were with her. Caroline had just noticed they had been watching from the pier. Caroline couldn’t help but think Johnny was with his new family, and it was her fault.

Her mother looked at the group on the pier, and Caroline wondered if she were thinking the same thing, if she blamed Caroline.

“I’m heading home,” her mother said. “Are you coming?”

“In a minute.”

Once her mother walked away, Johnny headed in Caroline’s direction. He bumped her shoulder and motioned toward the south end of the lake. “You did good,” he said.

She shrugged. “It was Cougar who found her.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who brought the dog with you.”

“I suppose.” She paused and looked in the direction where the sheriff and Dee Dee were talking. She glanced back at Johnny. “I’m real sorry about what I did to you.” It was the only other thing she could think to say.

“Forget about it,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”

He was right. She was twelve years old and couldn’t be held responsible for her parents’ lies.

“It’s funny,” he said. “But I’m not really mad. I mean, it’s messed up finding out Kevin’s not my real dad, but it kind of makes sense. Now I know why things were always weird between him and me, you know?”

She nodded.

Johnny nudged her shoulder again. “I’m staying with Chris and his mom until the end of the summer. At least until I figure things out.” He shrugged. “I wanted you to know.”

Caroline looked at the ground and forced out the word okay.

“You’re still my little sister, you know.”

“Half-sister,” she said.

“Technically, true.” He wrapped an arm around her. “I’m still going to pick on you.”

“Great.”

He laughed and dropped his arm. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around the watering hole.” He started walking away.

“Hey, Johnny,” she called.

He turned around.

“No halfsies,” she said. “Brother and sister.”

“You got it,” he said and smiled his crazy silly smile that could break a million girls’ hearts.

*   *   *

Gram was pulling out the last of the boxes in the back closet off the screened-in porch. She told Caroline she was determined to get through all the old junk and be done with it. She had been directing Caroline’s mother all morning: Pick up this box and set it out for the trash, carry this one to the car to donate, try not to break anything in this box and put it in the hall closet.

Her mother didn’t complain and did what Gram had asked her to do. However, Caroline noticed every move her mother made was done with slow, careful steps, as though she were recovering from a bad fall. There were bruises on her mother’s body to match the shiner on her face. Despite looking beat-up, her mother seemed, oh, Caroline didn’t know, better somehow. There was something different about her, something Caroline struggled to name, but she didn’t put much effort into it anyhow. She no longer felt as though it was her responsibility to figure her mother out. She learned maybe it was better to leave some things alone.

“I can help,” Caroline said to Gram when she dropped another box onto the floor outside Caroline’s bedroom door.

“No, you should be outside,” Gram said. “Go on and have fun. You shouldn’t be hanging around inside, not on a day like today.”

When Gram left to get another box, Caroline closed her bedroom door, climbed out the window, and crawled into the arms of the willow tree. Her mother continued carrying boxes in and out of the cabin. She listened to the door creak open and bang closed. Every now and again Gram would call to have her mother lift something heavy.

Her father’s truck was gone. He had told her late last night when she had returned to the cabin that he’d be on the road for awhile, and he had no idea when he would return. Something about the way he said it made her sad, although he assured her it had nothing to do with her or the fact that Johnny wasn’t his. She didn’t believe him nor did she try to stop him from leaving.

There was more stomping coming from the screened-in porch, and then the door slammed for the last time. Maybe her mother decided she had had enough and was taking off too.

“Caroline,” her mother called. “Are you out here?”

“Over here,” she said, and hopped down from her hiding spot. She moved the long sweeping branches aside and emerged from under the tree where her mother stood waiting on the other side.

“I’m going for a drive,” her mother said.

Of course you are, Caroline thought, but didn’t say. She only nodded.

Her mother hesitated, as if she was deciding whether or not to say whatever else was on her mind. In another second she asked, “Do you want to come with me?”

The question surprised Caroline. Her mother had never asked her to come along before. A week ago she would’ve jumped at the chance to be with her. But now?

Now, Caroline decided, she didn’t need to be.

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

Jo felt as though she was seeing her daughter for the first time in a long time. There was something new about her, a maturity she hadn’t seen before.

“Come on, come for a drive with me,” she said. “I can’t promise the radio station will play anything good, but I doubt the jukebox in the Pavilion is any better.”

A hint of a smile touched the corners of Caroline’s lips. “You’re right about the jukebox,” she said. “But I’m heading to the lake for the fishing tournament.”

“Did you enter?”

“Not this year. I promised Adam I’d go and cheer him on.”

“Oh,” she said, somewhat surprised by her disappointment that her daughter had other plans. After all, she hadn’t intended on asking her to come along. It was something that occurred to her at the last minute, that it was time to have the conversation she had been putting off. But nonetheless she said, “Well, if you promised Adam.”

“I did promise.” Caroline grabbed her bike from the yard.

It felt as though their roles had reversed overnight, and it was Jo begging with her eyes for her daughter to stick around.

“See you,” Caroline said in a nonchalant way.

“Hey, Caroline.”

Caroline stopped pushing her bike and looked over her shoulder.

“I’m coming back. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, Mom, I know.”

“Do you?”

Caroline studied her, and Jo wondered what she saw: a mother who had lied to her, who had often run away for reasons Caroline had never understood. The longer her daughter stared at her, the more the guilt pressed down on Jo’s heart.

“I guess,” Caroline said finally. “I mean, I didn’t always know if you would come back or not.”

“I know. And I’m sorry about that.” She walked closer to her, hoping she wouldn’t jump on the bike and ride away. Although she supposed she couldn’t blame her if she did. “I’m sorry about a lot of things.”

Caroline shrugged, keeping her eyes on the ground by her feet.

“I know saying I’m sorry doesn’t make up for everything. But I am sorry for not telling you and Johnny the truth. It was a mistake. I made a terrible mistake.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Caroline asked.

“Well,” she said, wanting to give her an honest answer the best she could, but it was complicated. “I was young. And I was scared. Johnny’s father…” She hesitated, unsure about saying Billy’s name out loud.

“You mean Billy.”

“Yes, Billy.” She said it. “He’d drowned. And it was hard. For everyone. At the time I suppose I believed I was doing the right thing.”

“And Dad agreed.” There was a hard edge to Caroline’s voice, but there was something else in her expression, a kindness she had inherited from her father.

“Yes.” It had been Kevin’s insistence on keeping the identity of Johnny’s father a secret, putting distance between her and Billy’s family as a way of protecting her when really he was only trying to protect himself. But she wasn’t going to share this with her daughter. She wouldn’t be responsible for tainting him in her daughter’s eyes.

“You shouldn’t have lied to us.”

“I know.” Jo reached for her.

Caroline drew back.

They were quiet; neither seemed to know what to say.

Jo was the first to break the silence. “Are you sure you don’t want to come for a drive with me?” she asked.

“No.” Caroline shook her head. “I gotta go,” she said, and got on her bike.

Jo felt as though she had no other choice but to let her ride away. Her daughter no longer needed her as she once did. And Jo had no one to blame but herself. She turned toward the car. She wasn’t three steps away when Caroline called, “Mom.”

She turned back around. “Yes?” There was a hitch in her voice.

Caroline jumped off the bike and ran toward her. She fell into Jo’s outstretched arms, and Jo pulled her close, hugging her tight. She continued to hold her, wanting to hold her, for as long as her daughter would allow.

*   *   *

Jo slipped behind the wheel of the old Chevy and started the engine. She rolled the windows down and turned on the radio before backing out of the yard. She took her time driving down the dirt road, dodging the potholes that had been there since the beginning of time, although she could’ve avoided hitting the bigger ones with her eyes closed. Nothing ever changed at the lake. Almost nothing.

She drove out of the colony and onto Lake Road. She continued down the hill that led to the Pavilion, but instead of heading toward the festival where Caroline and her friends had gathered, she made a sharp left turn and parked on the other side of the lake, far away from the crowd. She cut the engine and stared at the mountains covered in lush green trees. The water glistened under the bright blue sky. The sight was so beautiful, it took her breath away. It was something Kevin had said about her at one time.

He had to be out of the state by now, traveling west across country in his rig. She wondered how much time he’d have before he’d have to turn back around. It could be weeks, months, if he were lucky. With Patricia burying her daughter, there was no telling when she’d be ready to talk with the sheriff or how well she’d hold up as a witness.

Jo believed she had some time and in that time, she hoped she could find a way to forgive him. After all, she had come to terms with a few things about herself in the last twenty-four hours. She realized she was just as responsible as Kevin for Billy’s death. She may not have been the one who had pushed him into the lake, but she had pushed him in her own way. She had manipulated him with her body, using her sex to control him.

She had been irresponsible and selfish, enjoying both boys’ attention too much, rendering her incapable of choosing between them. She had been young and foolish thinking she could break the rules of love without anyone getting hurt. In the end, she not only hurt Billy and Kevin, but she hurt herself, too.

And Kevin had known all this about her. He had known her better than she had known herself. And in spite of it all, he loved her anyway.

She reached for the cell phone because, after everything, he should’ve known this too. She typed: I still would’ve married you.

After hitting send, she sped away, the volume on the radio high, music blaring. She would drive as far as it would take to get her message through.