Текст книги "Shards of Us"

Автор книги: K Caverly

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

Chapter Six

I wake up to the sound of the shower running. My eyes shoot open right away.

A shower.

Someoneelse is here.

I look around desperately for the sound as soon as I sit up in bed, until I finally pinpoint it as coming from the small bathroom off to the side I saw earlier. I stand up, but my legs still feel weak. I realize then that there's a blanket around me. I know for a fact I didn't leave it there. The room is cold, though, and the blanket feels nice and warm against my skin, as if whoever put it there was actually doing me a favor.

I throw the blanket off of me as soon as the thought crosses my mind.

I'm not an idiot. I know all about Stockholm Syndrome. It's sure as hell not happening to me.

So I stand up. My body is still shaking, but at least I can walk without stumbling now. I take one small step after another toward the open door and the sound of the shower, the cool tile making the toes on my bare feet curl. I try to breathe evenly, to open and close my eyes and focus on the light streaming out of the bathroom, to do anything but let this fear that's clinging to me take over.

Someone is definitely here, and that someone may be my one key to getting out of this place, whatever it is.

My head throbs as I make my way over, but I ignore it, focusing on each of my tiny steps instead, on making sure I don't make a sound as I move across the room. Finally, I reach the wall beside the open door, and I stop, catch a breath. My heart is pounding again. I don't even know what I'm doing–I most certainly don't have a plan–but I know I need to get out of here. I can't be locked up like this. I can't be dead.

I have to go home. I have to tell the police what happened. I have to–

I look down, searching for anything to use as a weapon. I don't know who locked me up here, but I'm certain they're dangerous. My eyes lock on an empty plate left outside of the bathroom. I pick it up slowly, careful not to make a sound, and I inch along the wall until I'm just beside the open door where the yellow light pours out of.

I take a deep breath, holding up the plate in attack position. The shower is still running, but I can't hear anyone in there. I hesitate. What if they overpower me? What if this gets me killed? What if it doesn't well?

I push away the thought immediately, because for all I know, this is my only chance at freedom. It's now or never.

My heart races as I lift up the plate, turn into the open door, and charge the shower. I burst through the curtains, prepared to hit whoever over the head with the plate, but no one is there. The shower is empty.

My stomach drops. My chest heaves. I take in one last defeated breath, and I'm about to collapse into the corner and cry some more, cry for being so stupid and foolish, when I hear the click of a gun behind me.

I whirl around, and every muscle in my body freezes at once.

A gun.

Trained on me.

My body has already started shaking as I turn to see what is going on, praying whoever it is doesn't kill me in the process. What I find instead hurts more than anything in the world.

"Care for a drink, angel?" Sebastian says in his usual singsong voice. The rage courses through me as soon as I meet his gaze. He is still wearing his business suit, his jaw newly-shaven, his grin huge and toothy. One hand holds a gun pointed at my head, while the other holds out a champagne glass for me.

Sebastian.

Sebastian is here.

He locked me up, and now he looks like he wants to kill me.

I want to scream. To cry. How could I be so fucking moronic? How could I fall for someone who would do this to me? How come once I feel even the slightest bit of happiness, it all goes to hell?

"Take it," Sebastian says, moving the wine glass closer, but I refuse to take it. My hand whips out and before I know what's happening, I knock the glass out of his hand and it goes flying, smashing against the bathroom wall, shattering into a million pieces.

"That works too," he says, looking at the glass with amusement, but I'm not even listening. My whole body shakes.

"You bastard!" I scream despite myself, tears burning into my eyes. "I trusted you! And look what you do! You betray me!" My throat is still sore, but it feels good to let it all out, even if the only result is my voice breaking out into a fit of coughs.

Sebastian's blue eyes are fiery and passionate at my words. "Betray you?" he roars. "I fucking savedyou, angel!" He reaches out his free hand to grab my arm. I try to struggle out of his grip, but he's too strong and he doesn't let go. His eyes burn into mine, anger and intensity rushing out of him. "What do you think those men would have done to you if they caught you? Because let me tell you, they sure as hell wouldn't have let you off scot free. They were after you, angel! They were after both of us! I brought you here to save you!"

I shake my head slowly back and forth, not believing it. The trembles keep on coming. "There's no reason for them to come after me," I whisper. This can't be real. None of this can be real. Sebastian would never do this to me. Sebastian would neverlock me up like this.

He throws back his head, laughing angrily. "Oh but there is, my angel. Looks like you aren't so pure and innocent after all, huh?"

I keep on shaking my head. I don't know what else to do anymore. "No," I say, my voice cracking. "No. No!You didn't save me. You locked me up here. You… you left me here, no food, no water, no nothing." My head keeps hurting. I just want to cry again, but the tears refuse to come. It's like everything has been sucked out of me, like there is nothing left but this deep, nagging emptiness in the pit of my stomach.

Sebastian's eyes burn with anger at that. He looks like he's on the verge of exploding as he pulls me up with his iron grip, bringing me into his arms. His voice is hot and passionate as he growls, "Did you not notice? I fed you. I gave you water. I showeredyou. I've been the perfect gentleman for the last two days, all because of you!" He drops his voice. "I never even touched you," he says, like he's whispering the darkest secret in the world.

My body just keeps shaking. I open my mouth to protest, but he doesn't stop there. "And I didn't just lock you in here!" he screams. "I slept on the ground outside of the safe house. I let you have the bed and the blankets… I let you have all of it. Your own room. Your own security. Because I don't deserve the security. I don't deserve anything. But you do, angel. You deserve it all." His face is red from shouting, but there is a certain brokenness to it, a hurt I didn't expect, and it feels like all of the air is sucked out of me.

"Where–where is Ash?" I whisper, not knowing what else to say. I try to breathe deeply, to stay strong and focus on Sebastian, even though all I really want to do is crumple up and cry. None of this makes any sense. None of this can ever be real.

He looks away like he's been slapped. His eyes focus on the barred window in the corner of the bathroom, and his jaw works like he's torn between saying something and not.

"Where?" I repeat, louder this time, but my voice continues to shake.

He sighs. Locks eyes with mine. His whole face is filled with something dark and pained, and he looks at me in that same apologetic way as he did the night of the kidnapping, his eyes burning holes into mine. "She's dead," he says in a low voice, not looking away. "Ash is dead."

My heart shatters as soon as he says it. I feel frozen, feel my muscles tense up, feel every part of me hurting again. "What?" I whisper, a tear running down my cheek. Ash is dead. Ash is fucking dead. The one person left, the one person who supported me, is dead. And it's all because of him. "Why didn’t you save her?" I say, louder this time. "Why didn't you fucking help her, Sebastian?"

He looks at me sadly, reaching out to hold me, but I step back, pressing myself against the wall. I think for a second that he's going to yank me back over to him, but he doesn't. He just stands there, watching me, his eyes looking more pained than ever. "The men were already there," he says quietly. "It was too late. We had to leave, and I could only take one of you. It was you or her." His eyes are fixated on mine, but I just keep sobbing, shaking, praying this is all some elaborate nightmare. "I had to choose. And I chose you."

I start shaking my head back and forth. This can't be real. She can't be dead. He must be lying to me. I can't lose Ash too.

Slowly, he reaches out his thumb and touches it to my cheekbone, then drags it down beneath my mouth, then up and around it. "I never meant to hurt you," he growls, dropping his voice, his eyes still trained on mine. They're full of pain and apology, but I'm done seeing them. The anger surges back through me as I remember what he did to me, to Ash. My heart thuds in my chest, faster this time. "But you did hurt me. You locked me in here. You…. you got Ash killed! Get the fuck out of here. Get out of my life!" I scream through the tears.

He looks at me, deep and passionate, and nods, but he doesn't yell back at me. He doesn't get into an argument. He just stands there, probing me, his body in front of mine. "If that's what you want, angel," he hisses at last, biting back the rage. Then he puts down the gun and walks away into the darkness.

I crumple up and cry for a second as he walks out of the bathroom, trying to make sense of everything going on. It takes me a minute to regain my senses. But then I hear the click at the door, the door I couldn't open, and I realize he's the only way out.

Before I know what's happening, I feel myself running to the door, to the little glimpse of light outside, of freedom. "Sebastian!" I scream, but the door is already creaking closed. "Sebastian!"

Once I reach the door, it's fully shut. I start pounding on it, screaming and crying, desperately needing to get out of here. "Sebastian! Let me out, Sebastian! LET ME OUT!" Nothing. No sound but the reverberations of my scream through the room. "SEBASTIAN! PLEASE!"

I hold my breath as soon as I hear footsteps coming back to the door. I wait for him to unlock it and let me go free. The footsteps stop directly in front of the door, and for a second, there's nothing but silence.

And then I hear his voice.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian says. "But I can't let you out. I have to save you."

My stomach twists immediately. He starts walking away, and then I pound on the door harder, screaming through the rawness in my throat. "Let me out, Sebastian!" I say desperately. "LET ME OUT!"

I scream and scream until I can’t scream anymore.

* * *

"Morning, angel." The next morning, I wake up to the sound of those two, quiet words, forgetting for a minute where I am and what happened, and just enjoying the sound of Sebastian's voice through my closed eyes. But then the night before floods back to me, and I shoot up, my eyes wild, knowing I have to get out of here before he kills or rapes me or whatever he plans to do to me.

Sebastian sits down on the side of my bed as soon as I awake. I try to throw him off with a desperate flail of my arms, but he is too strong to be moved. I keep panicking though, desperately looking around for a weapon of some sort, for any way to protect myself. My heart is in my throat, but I find nothing of use.

Sebastian has this bittersweet look on his eyes, almost like he's full of regret. "I made you breakfast, angel," he says softly, seeing my crazed expression. "You've been here a week now. You need to eat more." He holds up a plate of eggs and bacon for me. It smells delicious, and as much as I want to knock out of his hand, I know he's right and I doneed to eat something. I take the plate gingerly, glaring at him the whole time. He gives me an apologetic smile as he hands me a glass of water next.

"How are you today?" he asks after a minute, once I've taken a slow sip of my water and started on the breakfast. From the dark circles under his eyes, he looks tired, like he hasn't slept in days. It occurs to me then that maybe he, in fact, hasn't. Maybe he has spent the last week waiting for whoever is after us, according to him. Maybe he's spent it protecting me.

I push the thought away immediately. I'm not an idiot. I know that was just a lie to make me feel safer, until he can do… whatever it is he wants.

I don't answer Sebastian right away. I just keep clenching and unclenching my fists, hoping for a way to get out of here safely. Eventually, I move to eat my breakfast, and I hate how much I enjoy it. Sebastian can cook, I'll give him that. I almost want to spit the egg on his face after all he's done to me and Ash, but I'm too hungry to give up any food, so I just keep eating.

Finally, I meet Sebastian's gaze. His eyes look so innocent and well-meaning it makes me want to scream. I hate how safe he makes me feel, even after he locked me up like this.

"Why are you here, Sebastian?" I hiss. I'm not going to trust him. Not after what he did.

Sebastian smiles sadly, looking at me like I'm a distant memory, an old picture that is just out of reach. "I'm here for you. I'm always here for you."

"But I don't want you here," I whisper. My dark hair hangs over my eyes, and I feel like I might as well be in chains by the way it feels to be next to him: like I can't get away. Like I can't ever escape him.

His eyebrows furrow. "Say the word and I'll leave. I love you, angel. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." His voice is quiet and singsong, innocent as it always is.

"Then leave," I whisper, biting back a tear. "Please. Just leave."

He reaches out a gentle hand to my cheek, but I push him off, not wanting him to touch me. He looks at me sadly, then nods. "If that's how you feel." He stands up then and starts to walk away. "Talk to you later?"

I glare at him, putting my fork down. "No. I mean, Iwant to get out of here." I gesture at my makeshift prison. " Let me out."

"I can't let you leave, angel," he says quietly, but there is a certain intensity to his words, a certain genuineness… like he really does care for me. "Not until I'm sure they won't hurt you."

"Who are 'they,' Sebastian?" I don't hold back my irritation, because of course he is just lying to me to get my trust. "Who is after me?"

Sebastian shifts closer to me, putting a hand on my cheek. I freeze, but this time, I don't pull it off. His hand is warm and rough against my soft skin, and I hate how his touch makes my skin tingle. I want to scream at myself for it, in fact, but I can't muster out even a single word. This all hurts too much. Being with him hurts too much.

Sebastian looks almost surprised by my question. "You really don't know anything, do you?"

"No," I say, shaking off the stupid lust I feel. I don't want Sebastian. I can't ever want him. Not after what he did. "Tell me."

Sebastian smiles distantly, shakes his head. He's not wearing a tux anymore. Instead, he's dressed in a simple t-shirt and baggy shorts. They look odd on him, for some reason. They just… they don't feel right. "They're bad, bad men," he says, not taking his eyes off of mine. "That's all you need to know."

"But you're friends with them," I press, wanting to catch him in the lie. "Right?" I'd seen enough crime shows to know that when bad men are after you, it's almost always because you were friends with them, then betrayed them.

"Right," Sebastian says, watching me curiously.

I sit up further. "You worked with them?"

"Once upon a time I did, yes." I search his eyes to see if he's lying. He definitely doesn't seem to be, which surprises me, because there is no way he's telling the truth, right? My gaze drops down to his cheek, then latches on the scar he's always had beneath his eye. Realization hits me.

"Do they involve that scar?" I ask, pointing at his cheek.

For a second, Sebastian stiffens up. He looks almost unnerved by my question, or at least taken aback. I can't tell which. But then it's gone as quickly as it comes, and his face slips into an easy smile. "That's enough now, angel. We'll discuss this more later. Okay?"

I take another bite of my eggs, but I don't respond.

We sit there in silence for a while longer while I eat my breakfast. I listen to the steady sound of him breathing, watch the rise and fall of his chest, the way he doesn't take his eyes off me for a second as I eat. His gaze is searing, and I hate it, hate him. I keep eating, listening to the hum of the heater above me and letting everything else fade away.

The room is dark, but peeps of morning light slip in under the door. If I listen hard enough, I can hear the chirp of birds above, too, and the steady patter of the night's rain falling down from their place in the trees. The whole place is peaceful, cut-off. I wonder where we are, why we're here, and if we'll ever get out. I wonder how Sebastian will know when these men will stop hunting him, or really who they are in the first place, if they're even real. I wonder why they want him, and more importantly, why they want me. I wonder what kind of connection Sebastian had to them. And then, I wonder where he got that scar from. I can tell, from the way he flinched when I mentioned it, that whatever it was, it wasn't pretty.

I think about who Sebastian is–really is. If he's not lying, then clearly he got mixed up with some bad people, but what did he do? And why did he betray them? And if he is lying, what will he do to me? Kill me? Leave me here? Torture me? What? And then, I think about Ash, now dead because I wasn't there to help her.

I push aside my plate it, my appetite evaporating. "Take it," I hiss.

Sebastian takes it, but he looks concerned. Fuck him. "Are you okay, my angel?"

"Stop calling me that," I say in a low voice.

"Stop calling you what, angel?"

My hands ball into a fast, and the anger starts pouring out of me. "Stop calling me that."

I need to get out of here, I tell myself. I need to get out of here!Sebastian is not a good person. He's a fucking murderer. He killed those men. He kidnapped me. He let Ash die.

I sit up, my stomach hurting. I can't take this. I need my old life back. I need to get beyond these walls. I need everything, but all I get is this–this prison–with the man who kidnapped me, the man who I used to think I loved.

My alarm must be pretty obvious because the next thing I know Sebastian goes into protective mode, reaching a hand out and stroking my hair. I shove him off. "No, Sebastian. No."

His forehead creases, and he looks genuinely worried. He's sure as hell a good faker. "Did I upset you?"

I hate how kind he looks. How innocent he looks.

A laugh bubbles out of me, one of those insane, throw-back-your-head kinds of laughs I've seen in movies. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I say, exasperated. "You locked me up here!"

"That was to save you." His voice is still quiet, almost a growl.

"I don't need to be saved."

He looks into my eyes. His are fierce and intense, like they're latching onto mine and not letting go. "Yes," he says slowly, dragging out the word. "Yes, you do."

"You don't–"

But he doesn't let me finish. "Do you know why I know you need saving, angel?" he says, his voice rising, moving his face in closer to me. His lips are inches from mine, hot and heavy and so, so close. This close to him, I can feel his breath on my lips, the heat emanating from his body. "I know you need saving because you're like me!" Sebastian continues, his voice filling with rage. "We're both fucked up people. We're both shards of what we once were. We both need saving. We both need… we need… we need each other. We need each other to put back the shards of ourselves." He stops then, his voice rough and consuming, and every part of me feels numb with him this close to me. "These men… I can't let them hurt you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they did, so I'm keeping you here to protect you from them." He drops his gaze, his hot breath right by my lips. "I love you, angel," he whispers, eyes burning into mine. "I've been broken so many times before. I just want to make you safe."

In that instant, a part of me longs to believe him. A part of me sees how hurt he is, how much he cares about me, and wishes that the circumstances could be different, that none of this ever happened, that I could kiss him without it feeling so, so wrong. He is clearly a broken man, a man in love who doesn't know how to handle it, but at the same time, I won't let myself feel anything but disgust toward him.

I hate him. I hate him and nothing can change that.

So I shake my head, disbelieving, clenching my fists so hard. A tear threatens to fall from my eyes. "Who are you, Sebastian?" I whisper, my voice trembling all over.

He stands up, looks away. He doesn't even meet my gaze. "I don't know, angel," he says at last. "I don't even know anymore."

Then, he turns around and starts walking out of the room. His voice is sad as he calls back while unlocking the door, "I left lunch for you on the table and stocked up the bathroom with everything you'll need. Have a good night." And then he throws open the door, steps through, and slams it behind him, leaving me trapped in here once again.