Текст книги "This Man"

Автор книги: Jodi Ellen Malpas

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Текущая страница: 29 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

I pad back out to one of the two chests of drawers I had made in Italy. Pulling open the first drawer, I find three neat piles of boxer shorts, in black, white and grey – all Armani. They look brand new. I work my way to the next drawer, finding dress socks. Does he have them ironed?  I open another to discover belts – all coiled neatly, in every shade of black and brown leather you could imagine.

He’s a neat freak. Oh, this is bad news! I’m shockingly untidy at home. I shut the drawer, opening the last one, but all I find are sports socks and various caps. I proceed to open every drawer on the other chest – all occupied with an array of running shorts and vests.

Giving up and with my towel still wrapped around me, I make my way downstairs to the kitchen, finding Jesse with his head in the fridge.

‘I can’t find my stuff.’ I inform the fridge door.

His head pops up from behind the fridge, his eyes running up and down my towel clad body. ‘I’ll take naked.’ he says, shutting the door and sauntering over to me with a jar of peanut butter. ‘Cathy’s off and the fridge is empty. I’ll order in, what do you fancy?’

‘You,’ I grin.

He smiles, reaches forward and whips the towel off, throwing it to the side and running his appreciative gaze down my naked body. ‘Your God needs to feed his temptress.’ He flashes his dancing eyes to mine. ‘The rest of your stuff is in that dirty great big wooden truck that you had dumped in my bedroom. What do you want to eat?’

I ignore him and shrug. I could eat anything. ‘I’m easy.’

‘I know, but what do you want to eat?’

I must stop saying that. ‘I’m only easy with you.’ I grumble. He thinks I’m easy?

‘You fucking better be. Now, tell me, what do you want to eat?’

‘I like anything, you choose. What time is it, anyway?’ I’ve lost all concept of time. In fact, I lose all concept of everything when I’m with him.

‘Seven, go and dry your hair before I abandon dinner and take you again.’ He turns me around, smacking my backside to send me on my way.

I take my naked body back up the stairs to fulfill his instructions. When I reach the top and take a left to the Master suite, I glance down and see Jesse stood by the archway to the kitchen, quietly watching me. I blow him a kiss as I disappear into the bedroom, just catching a glimpse of his knee trembling smile as he vanishes from view.

Forty five minutes later, my hair’s received the blow-dry it deserves, I’ve cleansed, toned and moisturised, and I’ve got a clean set of lace underwear on. Kate’s forgotten to pack any comfy chill out clothes – of all the things she could forget. But then, Jesse did hijack her at some God forsaken hour this morning, so she probably just shoved in whatever she could lay her hands on. I have my new Thai fisherman pants but no top.

I go to the wardrobe and grab a white shirt. I don’t pick the most expensive one this time, although I’m sure they’re all pretty costly.

‘I was just coming to find you.’ He pauses from forking various dishes onto two plates. ‘I like your shirt.’

‘Kate didn’t pack me any slobby clothes.’

‘She didn’t?’ He raises an eyebrow, and I know instantly, Kate did pack me some slobby clothes. That or she didn’t pack at all – I suspect it’s the latter. ‘Where do you want to eat?’

‘I’m e…’ I snap my mouth shut on a shrug.

‘Only for me, yes?’ He grins, shoving a bottle of water under his arm and picking up the plates. ‘We’ll slum it on the sofa.’ He leads me into the colossal open space and nods at the gigantic sofa. I sit in the corner section, accepting the plate he hands me. It smells delicious and it’s Chinese. Perfect.

The doors on the massive television cabinet start sliding across, revealing the biggest, frameless, flat screen T.V I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

‘Do you want to watch television or would you prefer music and conversation?’ He looks at me on a small smile. My fork is hanging out of my mouth. I didn’t realise how hungry I was.

I chew and swallow as soon as I can. ‘I’ll take music and conversation, please.’ That was an easy choice. He nods, like he knew that would be my answer, and the next thing I know, the room is swamped in the calming tones of Mumford and Sons. This is a surprise. I cross my legs and sit back. I made a good choice with this sofa.

‘Good?’

I glance over and find him facing me, one knee up and his arm resting on the back of the sofa holding his plate. ‘Very, you don’t cook?’

‘I don’t.’

I smile around my fork. ‘Why, Mr Ward, is that something you don’t do well?’

‘I can’t be amazing at everything.’ he says, completely straight faced, studying me closely. He really is an over-confident arse.

‘Your housekeeper cooks for you?’

‘If I ask her to, but most of the time I eat at The Manor.’

I suppose it makes sense that he’d take advantage of the lovely food at his disposal. I know I would. ‘How old are you?’

He pauses with his fork midway to his mouth. ‘Thirty-ish,’ He takes his forkful of food, watching me as he chews.

‘-ish,’ I mouth.

‘Yes, ish,’ A smile plays on the corners of his lips.

I return to my food, not in the least bit bothered by his vague answer. I’ll keep asking; he’ll keep evading. Maybe I should try with my own versions of persuasion – maybe a truth fuck or a countdown? What would I do to him on zero? I drift into musing over exactly what I could do on zero, between mouthfuls of my Chinese dinner. I can think of plenty, but nothing I could carry out with ease. He’d overpower me, very easily. The countdown is off the menu, so it’s a truth fuck then. I need to invent the truth fuck. What could I do?

‘Ava?’

I look up, finding Jesse and his frown line studying me. ‘Yes?’

‘Dreaming?’ he asks, his voice laced with concern.

‘Sorry.’ I put my fork down. ‘I was miles away.’

‘You were,’ He takes my plate and slides it onto the coffee table. ‘Where were you?’ He reaches over to pull me into his lap.

I snuggle happily. ‘Nowhere.’

He shifts up the sofa, taking my place in the corner, positioning me under his arm. I rest my cheek on his bare chest, throw my leg over his groin and inhale him in his entire fresh water splendor. I sigh, letting the soft music and the feel of Jesse ease me into a peaceful rest.

‘I love having you here.’ he says quietly, playing with a lock of my hair.

I really love being here too, but not as a puppet. Would it always be like this? I could do exactly this, day in, day out – it’s been a lovely day. But could I live with the controlling, unreasonable side of him? I run my finger along the line of his scar.

‘I love being here too.’ I whisper. I really do, especially when he’s like this.

‘Good. So you’ll stay?’

What? Tonight? ‘Yes. Tell me how you got this.’

He reaches down, clasping my hand to prevent any further touching of the area. ‘Ava, I really don’t like talking about it.’

Oh? ‘I’m sorry.’ I feel bad. That was a plea. Something terrible happened to him, and it makes me feel sick to know that he was hurt in some way.

He pulls my hand up to his face and kisses my palm. ‘Please, don’t be. It’s not something that’s important to the here and now. Dragging up my past serves no purpose other than to remind me of it.’

His past? So, he has a past? Well, everyone has a past, but the way he said it and the fact that we’re talking about a vicious scar here makes me really nervous. I look up at him. ‘What did you mean when you said that things are easier to bear when I’m here?’

He looks down and places his hand on the back of my head, pushing my cheek back down to his chest. ‘It means I like having you around.’ His tone is dismissive. I don’t believe him for a minute, but I leave it anyway. Does it matter?

I push my lips into the void between his pecs, nuzzling into him, while giving myself a mental ticking off. I’m basking in the sun on Central Jesse Cloud Nine, and I’m loving every minute of it, until the need for another countdown or a sense fuck.

And it will come – I have no doubt.

Chapter 35

 

I wake abruptly and sit up in bed. I feel refreshed, revitalised and rested. This bed is way too comfortable. Getting back in mine after a few nights here is going to be a bit of a come down. The only thing that’s missing is Jesse.

I peek under the covers, finding I’m still in my underwear, but the shirt has been removed. I don’t remember coming to bed. I sit quietly for a few moments, listening to a constant whirring sound, accompanied by a consistent thud, thud, thud in the distance.

What is that?

I make the long journey to the edge of the bed and out onto the landing, where the sounds are slightly louder but still muffled. I scan the space below, seeing no sign of Jesse.

Deciding he must be in the kitchen, I make my way down the stairs, but as I approach the archway into the kitchen, I stop and back track. I look through the glass door to the gym, set on an angle just before the kitchen, and see Jesse in a pair of running shorts, going hell for leather on the treadmill. Well, that explains the strange distant noise. I watch him running with his back to me, his solid expanse of skin shimmering with sweat beads as he watches the sports news on the suspended T.V in front of him.

I leave him be. I’ve already disturbed one run. I make my way into the kitchen to fill the kettle and go about making myself a coffee. It’s not Starbucks, but it’ll do.

The familiar sound of my phones ring tone fills the room, and I look across the kitchen to see it charging on the worktop. I scoop it up and disconnect it from the charger. It’s my mother. I’m promptly reminded of her call to me yesterday – the one that I’ve not yet returned and really, really don’t want to. My wide awake, good mood is instantly drowned out.

‘Hi, Mum.’ I greet cheerfully, screwing my face up in apprehension. Here come the twenty questions.

‘Oh, you’re alive. Joseph, cancel the search party. I’ve found her!’

I roll my eyes at my mum’s idea of funny. Obviously, she was expecting a call back before now. ‘Point taken. What did Matt want?’

‘I have no idea. The man never called us once when you were together. He asked how we were, made small talk, you know. It was all very strange. Why is he calling us, Ava?’

‘I don’t know, Mum.’ I moan tiredly, but I suspect I do. He’s on a worming mission.

‘He mentioned another man.’

‘He did?’ My tone is high pitched, a complete give away to my surprise and probably my guilt too. Damn you, Jesse Ward, for intercepting my phone. It would have been easier to brush off Matt’s tales if I didn’t have to explain about the mystery man who answered my phone yesterday.

‘Yes, he said you were seeing someone else. So soon, Ava. Really?’

‘Mum, I’m not seeing someone else.’ I do a quick check over my shoulder to make sure I’m still alone. I’m doing more than seeing someone. I’m in love with someone.

‘Who was that man who answered your phone?’

‘I told you, just a friend.’ Please drop it!

‘Good. You’re in your mid-twenties, in London Town and fresh out of a shitty relationship. Don’t be falling into the arms of the first man that shows you a bit of attention.’

I blush scarlet on the spot, even though she can’t see me. I don’t think you could describe what this man gives me as “a bit of attention”.  At only forty seven herself and having had Dan at just eighteen and me at twenty one, she missed out on all the benefits of being young in London. She’s now retired in Newquay before the age of fifty. I know she won’t be pleased if she finds out I’m being swallowed up in lust.

‘I won’t, Mum. I’m just having lots of fun,’ I assure her. I’m having fun all right. Just not the sort of fun that she has in mind. ‘How’s Dad?’

‘Oh, you know. Golf mad, badminton mad, cricket mad. He has to keep on the go or he’ll go mad.’

‘It’s better than sitting on his backside all day, though.’ I say, collecting a mug from the cupboard. I make my way to the fridge.

‘He made such a fuss about leaving the city, but I knew he would be dead in a few years if I didn’t get him out. Now I can’t tie him down for anything. He’s always got something happening.’

I open the fridge – no milk. ‘That’s good, isn’t it? Keeping him active?’ I sit myself on the bar stool without my needed coffee.

‘Oh, I’m not complaining. He’s lost a few pounds too.’

‘How much?’ This is good. Everyone always said Dad was a walking heart attack candidate, with his weight, love of a few too many pints and a stressful job. As it turns out, everyone was right.

‘Just over a stone,’

‘Wow, I’m impressed.’

‘No more than me, Ava. So, what have you got to report?’

Loads! ‘Nothing much, I’ve been stacked out at work. I secured the next project from the developer of Lusso.’ I need to talk work. I’ll have no hair left if she starts prying into my social life.

‘Brilliant! I was showing Sue the photos on the internet. The penthouse!’ she sings.

Yes, I’m sat in it now.‘Yeah,’ I need some wine.

‘Can you imagine living in such luxury? Your Dad and I are not short of a few, but that’s a whole other level of wealth.’

‘It is,’ I agree. Okay, the subject of work hasn’t gone as I planned. ‘What time does Dan land tomorrow?’ I blurt to divert the conversation.

‘Nine in the morning. Are you coming down with him?’

I flop forward onto the worktop. I’ve hardly given Dan’s impending arrival a second thought. What with all the crazy shit going on, I’ve not had a chance. I feel guilty all of a sudden. I’ve not seen him for six months.

‘I don’t think so, Mum. I’m just so busy.’ I whine, mentally pleading for her to understand.

‘That’s disappointing, but I understand. Maybe Dad and I could come up to see you when you’ve sorted a place of your own?’ She’s hinting that I need to pull my finger out. I’ve done nothing in that area of my life.

‘That would be really good.’ I don’t fake my enthusiasm. I would love for Mum and Dad to come back to London for a visit. They haven’t been back since they left, and I know it’s because they both secretly worry they’ll want to move back to the hustle and bustle.

‘Wonderful. I’ll speak to your Dad. I’d better go. Send my love to Kate.’

‘I will, I’ll ring next week when Dan’s there.’ I add quickly before she hangs up.

‘Lovely. Take care, darling.’

‘Bye, Mum.’ I slide my phone across the counter and drop my head in my hands.

If only she knew. My Dad would probably have another heart attack if he found out about my current state of affairs, and my Mum would be moving me down to Newquay. The only reason my Dad didn’t drive up after me and Matt split up was because Mum called Kate to find out if I really was okay. What would they think if they knew I was caught up with a neurotic, self-assured control freak, who is – in his own words – fucking me into oblivion? The fact that he’s super wealthy and owns the penthouse would not soften the blow. Christ, Jesse is probably closer to my Mum in age than I am.

I swing round on my stool when I hear a commotion coming from outside of the kitchen. Getting up to go and investigate, I’m nearly taken off my feet when Jesse’s naked chest flies at me.

WHOA!

‘Fucking hell, there you are.’ He grabs me, lifting me up to his sweat riddled body. ‘You weren’t in bed.’

‘I’m in the kitchen.’ I splutter in my dazed state. He’s squeezing me so tight, I’m struggling to breathe. ‘I saw you running. I didn’t want to disturb you.’ I wriggle a little to indicate that I’m being constricted to death. He releases me, setting me back on my feet, his glistening, stubbled face giving me the once over. His panicked features ease a bit as he holds me steady by my forearms in front of him. ‘I was just in the kitchen.’ I repeat. He looks like he could keel over at any moment. What’s wrong with him?

He shakes his head slightly, as if ridding himself of a nasty thought, picks me up and walks me to the worktop, sitting me on the cold granite. He pushes his way between my thighs.

‘Sleep well?’

‘Great.’ Why does he look like someone’s broken some really crappy news? ‘Are you okay?’

He blesses me with a heart stopping smile. I feel instantly at ease. ‘I woke up with you in my bed wearing lace. It’s ten thirty on a Sunday morning and you’re in my kitchen…’ He runs his eyes down my front, ‘wearing lace. I’m amazing.’

‘You are?’

‘Oh, I am.’ He tips my face up, planting a light kiss on my lips. Oh, I could wake up to this every morning. ‘You’re too beautiful, lady.’

‘So are you.’

He brushes the hair away from my face, looking at me affectionately. ‘Kiss me.’

I fulfill his request immediately, taking his lips calmly and following the slow, gentle strokes of his tongue. We both hum in harmony. Oh this is good. But our intimate moment is broken by the loud, shrill of Jesse’s phone.

He grumbles and reaches past me, still maintaining our kiss. He glances up at the screen as he holds it over my head. ‘Oh, go away.’ he gripes against my lips. ‘Baby, I’ve got to take this.’ He pulls away and answers, keeping himself firmly between my thighs, his free hand around my waist. ‘What’s up, John?’ He starts chewing his lip. ‘What’s he doing there?’ He drops a chaste kiss on my lips. ‘No, I’ll be there…yes…see you in a bit.’ He hangs up and studies me thoughtfully for a few seconds. ‘I need to go to The Manor. You’ll come.’

I recoil. ‘No!’ I blurt. I’m not being yanked off of Central Jesse Cloud Nine by her!

He frowns. ‘But I want you to come.’

Absolutely not! It’s Sunday, I’m not working and I’m not going to The Manor. ‘You’ll be working.’ I search my brain for a feasible excuse for me not to go. ‘You do what you need to do, and I’ll see you afterwards.’ I reason instead.

‘No, you’ll come.’ he presses forcefully.

‘I’m not coming.’ I try to wriggle myself free of his grasp, but I’m going nowhere.

‘Why?’

‘Just because,’ I snap, earning myself a mighty scowl. I’m not about to start whining about Sarah and off loading trivial jealousies on him.

He searches my eyes. ‘Please, Ava. Will you just do what you’re told?’

‘No!’ I shout.

I watch as he closes his eyes, clearly trying to gather some patience, but I don’t care. He can force me to do many things, but I’m not going to The Manor. I sit on the worktop, waiting for him to disintegrate under my disobedience.

‘Ava, why do you insist on making things more difficult?’

‘I make things more difficult?’ I gape at him. It’s him that needs some sense fucking into him. He’s deluded.

‘Yes, you do. I’m trying really hard here.’

‘Trying hard to do what? Send me crazy? It’s working!’ I beat him away from me and storm out of the kitchen, hearing him curse as he follows me up the stairs.

‘Okay!’ he yells from behind me. ‘You will wait here. I’ll be as quick as I can.’

‘I’ll go home.’ I shout over my shoulder, continuing on my way and shutting myself in the bathroom when I get there. I’m not waiting around for him to come back. His being reasonable and relenting to my refusal to go with him has just been trampled by the follow up of “you will wait here”. I WILL do no such thing! I splash my face with cold water to try and cool down my raging temper. Why has he not given me the countdown? That’s what he usually does when I don’t conform. I hear him in the bedroom on his phone. Wondering who he’s talking to, I open the door.

‘See you in a while.’ He hangs up, throwing his phone on the bed. Who is he seeing in a while? He stands with his back to me for a long time, his head dropped. He’s thinking, and I feel like an impostor all of a sudden.

Eventually, he exhales heavily and turns towards me. He watches me for a short time before heading into the bathroom to take a shower. I stand in the middle of the room wondering what to do. He’s acting strange. No countdown; no manhandling. What’s going on? Yesterday was so perfect, and now I’m back to mind meltdown. It looks like I didn’t need Sarah to yank me off of Central Jesse Cloud Nine after all. I’ve managed to do that all by myself.

Ten minutes later, I’m still stood twiddling my thumbs, trying to work out what to do with myself. I hear the shower shut off. He comes out of the bathroom, heading straight into the wardrobe without a word. I’m troubled by his defeated expression that also harbours a bit of sorrow. I think I actually want him to explode or give me the countdown. I have no idea what he’s thinking, and it’s the most frustrating feeling in the world.

He appears at the wardrobe door. ‘I need to go.’ he utters regretfully. He looks completely tormented. ‘Kate’s on her way over.’

I frown. ‘Why?’

‘So you don’t leave.’ He goes back into the wardrobe, me following swiftly behind.

Pulling some jeans on, he looks up at me briefly but gives nothing away. He grabs a black t-shirt from a hanger, pulling it on over his head quickly, before he sets about getting his Converse on.

‘I’m going home.’ I assert, but he still doesn’t look at me. What’s wrong with him? I can feel my temper flaring at his lack of receptiveness, and not knowing what else to do, I start pulling down my clothes from the hangers, draping them over my arms as I do.

‘What are you doing?’ He takes them from my hands, hanging them back up. ‘You’re not leaving.’ he growls.

‘Yes, I am.’ I shout, yanking them back down.

‘Put the fucking clothes back, Ava!’ he yells.

I hear a rip of material as I fight him away, and within a few seconds, my arms are free of clothes and I’m being hauled from the wardrobe. I’m pinned to the bed, struggling against him in complete defiance, but I go nowhere. If he tries to fuck me, I’ll scream!

‘Calm the fuck down!’ he yells, grabbing my jaw and pulling it to the centre so I have to look at him. I slam my eyes shut, puffing and panting like an exhausted greyhound. I’m not going to let him manipulate me with sex. ‘Open your eyes, Ava.’

‘No!’ I sound so childish, but I know if I do, I’ll be swallowed up in lust.

‘Open!’ He shakes my jaw slightly.

‘No!’

‘Fine,’ he shouts, while I continue to struggle. ‘Listen to me, lady. You’re not going anywhere. I’ve told you repeatedly, so get fucking use to it!’ He shifts his body so he has a firmer grip of me. ‘I’m going to The Manor, and when I get back, we’re going to sit down to talk about us.’

I stop struggling. Talk about us? What? Like a proper discussion about what the hell is going on here because I’m desperate to know this.

‘Cards on the table, Ava. No more fucking about, no more drunken confessions and no more holding out on me. Do you understand?’ His breathing is heavy, his tone determined.

This is what I’ve wanted all along – clarity and understanding of our relationship. I’m so bloody confused. I need to know what all this is and then, maybe, I can work out whether I need to break away. And what’s this about drunken confessions and holding out?

I open my eyes to sludgy green gazing down at me. He relaxes his grip on my jaw. ‘Come with me, I need you with me.’ He’s almost pleading.

‘Why?’

‘I just do. Why won’t you come?’

I take a deep breath. ‘I don’t feel comfortable.’ There, that’s the truth. He should be able to figure out for himself why I don’t feel comfortable at The Manor. He can’t be that stupid.

‘Why don’t you feel comfortable?’

Okay. Maybe he is that stupid. ‘I just don’t.’ I snap.

His brow knits and he commences lip chomping. ‘Please, Ava.’

I shake my head. ‘I’m not coming.’

He sighs. ‘Promise me that you’ll be here when I get home then. We need to sort this shit out.’

‘I’ll be here.’ I assure him. I’m desperate to sort this shit out. I’m not going anywhere.

‘Thank you.’ he whispers, resting his forehead on mine and clenching his eyes shut. I feel immense hope blossoming inside me at his determination to sort this shit out. He lifts himself, without so much as kissing me, and leaves the room.

I stay on the bed, recovering from my pointless physical battle, wondering what’s going to be established from the laying of cards and sorting of shit. I’m torn between admitting to him how I feel, or waiting to hear what he has to say first. What will he say? So much needs clarifying. What is us? Intense hot affair or more? I need it to be more, but I can’t cope with his trampling and unreasonableness. It’s exhausting.

There was no denying the look of pure torment on his handsome face. What’s running through that complex mind of his? Why does he need me? So many questions…

I close my eyes, trying to re-establish some steady breaths, and find myself drifting into a semi-exhausted coma.

The phone next to the bed starts ringing, snapping my eyes open. Kate! I scramble up the bed and answer. ‘Send her up, Clive.’ I fling a t-shirt on and run down the stairs, throwing the door open as Kate exits the elevator. I’m so glad to see her, but why he thinks I need babysitting is beyond me. I run at her, flinging my arms around her desperately.

‘Whoa! Is someone happy to see me?’ She returns my violent hug, my face buried in her red locks. I didn’t realise how much I needed to see her. ‘Are you going to invite me into the tower, or are we staying put?’

I pull away. ‘Sorry,’ I blow my hair out of my face. ‘I’m a mess, Kate. And you’ve been letting men rummage through my things again.’ I add on a scowl.

‘Ava, he turned up at six in the morning, banging until Sam answered. I just let him do his thing, it’s not like anyone can stop him. The man’s a rhinoceros.’

‘He’s more than that.’

She looks at me all sorrowful, taking my hand and leading me back into the penthouse. ‘I can’t believe he lives here,’ she mutters, directing me into the kitchen. ‘Sit.’ She points to a stool.

I rest my backside on the seat, watching as Kate refreshes her memory of the impressive kitchen. ‘I can’t make you tea because he has no milk. The housekeeper is on holiday.’

‘He has a housekeeper,’ she says to herself. ‘Of course he does.’ She shakes her head and goes to the fridge, collecting two bottles of water, before coming to sit next to me. ‘What’s going on?’

‘What am I going to do, Kate?’ I rest my head in my hands. ‘I can’t believe he called you here, just so I don’t leave.’

‘Doesn’t that tell you something?’

‘Yes, that he’s a control freak! He’s so intense,’ I look up to Kate, who’s smiling faintly. What’s to smile about? I’m in turmoil here. ‘I don’t know where I am with him.’

‘Have you told him?’ she asks, with a perfectly plucked brow arched at me.

‘No, I can’t.’

‘Why?’ she blurts, totally surprised.

‘Kate, I don’t know what I am to him. He can be so gentle and loving, saying things I can’t get my head around, and the next minute, he’s brutally fierce, unreasonable and controlling. He tries to control me!’ I open my water, taking a swig to moisten my dry mouth. ‘He manipulates me with sex when I don’t jump at his command, tramples anyone, including me, if they get in the way of him. He’s bordering on impossible. No, he is impossible.’

Kate looks at me with compassion in her bright blues. ‘Sam told me he’s never seen Jesse like this before. Apparently, he’s famed for his easy going nature.’

I laugh. I could describe Jesse with many words. Easy going would not feature anywhere on my list. ‘Kate, he’s not easy going, trust me.’

‘You obviously bring out the worst in him.’ She smiles.

‘Obviously,’ I agree. Easy going? What a joke. ‘He brings out the worst in me too. He hates me swearing, so I do it more. He has an issue with exposing my flesh to anyone other than him, so I wear shorter dresses. He tells me not to get drunk, so I do. It’s not healthy, Kate. One second he tells me that he loves having me around, the next I’m his current fuck. What am I supposed to think?’

‘But you’re still here,’ she says thoughtfully. ‘And you’re not going to get any answers if you don’t ask the damn questions.’

‘I do ask questions.’

‘The right ones?’

What are the right questions? I look at my best friend and wonder why she’s not kidnapping me from the tower and hiding me away from Jesse. She’s seen him in action – surely that would be enough for any best friend to intervene. ‘Why are you not telling me to leg it?’ I ask suspiciously. ‘Is it because he brought you a van?’

‘Don’t be stupid, Ava. I would toss that van right back at him if you wanted me to. You’re more important. I’m not telling you to leg it because I know you don’t want to. What you need to be doing is telling him how you feel, negotiating acceptable levels of intenseness.’ She grins. ‘In the bedroom is fine, yes?’

I smile. ‘He said he’d make sure I’ll always need him. He has. I really need him, Kate.’

‘Talk to him, Ava.’ She gives me a little nudge on the shoulder. ‘You can’t go on like this.’ She shakes her head.

I definitely can’t go on like this; I’ll be in an asylum within a month. My heart and brain are being yanked from one side to the other by the hour. I don’t know my arse from my head. If it means slapping my heart down on the table for him to trample all over, then so be it. At least I’ll know where I am. I’ll recover…eventually…I think.

I stand up. ‘Will you take me to The Manor?’ I ask. I need to do this now before I bottle it. I need to tell him how I feel.

Kate springs from the stool. ‘Yes!’ she sings enthusiastically. ‘I’ve been dying to see this place.’

‘It’s a hotel, Kate.’ I roll my eyes, but let her have her excitement. My car’s at hers, so I’m kind of stuck without her. ‘Give me five.’ I run upstairs to change into my jeans and ballet pumps, meeting Kate at the front door in record time. I send Jesse a quick text to tell him I’m on my way.

It’s time to lay my cards on the table.