Текст книги "That Boy"

Автор книги: Jillian Dodd

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

Finals are over, we've all managed to graduate, and I'm on the beach in Cancun, Mexico. Phillip and I are walking hand in hand in the moonlight.

It's a very romantic setting.

I can hear the sound of the ocean lapping onto the beach. The moonlight is shimmering off the water and in the sky.

It even feels romantic.

The sand is rough between my toes, and the water keeps coming up onto the beach to caress my bare feet.

Phillip stops and kisses me, and it's really wonderful.

When I kiss Phillip, I feel like I'm home, like I'm exactly where I belong. It's a weird, and wonderful, and very scary feeling.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I am in love with him.

If only I weren't so afraid of losing him.

“Stop thinking so much,” he says, reading my mind. “Where is Miss Spontaneous when I need her? Any other time and you'd be dancing on the beach, making out with the guy. Do me a favor, Princess, relax and enjoy this.”

I try to relax, and I have to admit the kisses help.

I can tell Phillip would like there to be more going on than kissing, but every time he presses the issue, I feel myself pulling back.

I am just not ready.

The next morning, IT'S AMAZING because Danny and I are the first ones at our breakfast table. I thought for a second that we were the first ones up because that never happens, but Danny informs me that Lori and Phillip went out for an early morning run, and the parents are already golfing.

Typical.

“So how did it go with Phillip last night?” He raises his eyebrows up and down, hoping to hear some juicy details.

“Well, we kissed”

“And….?”

“And….that's it.”

Danny shakes his head and rolls his eyes at me, like I'm a stupid idiot.

“Danny, what am I supposed to do? I just feel all this pressure, like I have to do this, not like I want to. It's like I'm being told what to do. And you know when someone tells me what to do, it usually makes me do the exact opposite. You of all people should understand that.”

“I do understand, but it kind of seems like you're looking for excuses.” He studies me closely. “You're not letting what happened between us affect you on this? Are you?”

“Oh, you mean the it would ruin us part? Um, yeah. That's the part that scares me the most.”

He is still shaking his head at me, so I say, “You don't think if I go out with Phillip, it will ruin our friendship?”

“No, I don't. I think it will enhance your friendship. Surely you understand what different people Phillip and I are. Hmm, I guess maybe now might be a good time to confess.”

“Confess what?”

He runs his hand through his hair and sighs, “I was so afraid of you on Prom night, I literally drank myself sick.”

“You were afraid of me?”

“Well, I was afraid of what I, we, might do. I mean I really wanted you, Jay, and I have to admit there have been many times that I've kicked myself for not going for it.” He tilts his head and looks at me, “But I didn't want to take advantage of you. I mean you'd been through so much in such a short time. Jake. Your parents. Combine that with the fact that it would've been your first time. I don't know. It just didn't seem like the right thing to do. I was afraid you would regret it and hate me. I just couldn't live with that.”

“Did you know that I wanted you to take advantage of me?”

“Yeah, I kinda did. Why do you think I was scared shitless? You can be very persuasive, Jay. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to say no.”

“Why didn't you just tell me?” I shake my head, trying to comprehend this. “Wait, that's not right. That night, you wanted it too. I saw the condom by the bed!”

“Yeah, well at that point I was drunk and not thinking with my head. Thank God, I passed out because I think it would have ruined us. At that point in your life, you needed stability, not fun. You and I both know the times in college when we hooked up a little, it was always just for fun.”

“That and your win record,” I tease him. “So what makes you think it will work with Phillip? I'm serious, Danny, I really need to know this.”

“Well, there's something else I should probably tell you.” He leans across the table and says softly, “Prom night, when we all slept together, I woke up before you did. Guess what I saw?”

“I don't know. Did I look gross? Was I drooling?”

“No, silly, you're adorable when you sleep. What I saw, was you all snuggled up with Phillip. He had his arm wrapped around you. Your head was on his chest. And that's when it hit me. I think even when we were little, I knew you two had a special bond, something I wasn't part of. I'll even admit that it was kind of a blow to my ego, but it worked out okay. It made it easier for me to tell you what I did. I mean, I knew we'd never last romantically, we're too much alike, but I also knew you'd be fine.” He looks at me pointedly, “Because of Phillip.”

He leans back in his chair and continues, “Christ, you two are perfect for each other. You're already like an old married couple anyway. You just don't get any of the fun benefits…..And I know you like the fun benefits.” He raises his eye brows up and down at me on the word know.

I shake my head at him. “You'd better be there to pick up the pieces if this all blows up in my face.”

“You know I will,” he says, and I believe him.

“Jay, is there anything you've ever really gone for in your life that you haven't gotten?”

“Um,” I say, not knowing quite how to answer.

“Go for it,” he demands. “Visualize your target.”

“Oh shut up, Danny.”

Danny gives up on the conversation, and we go through the breakfast buffet. We are eating and chatting about what we're going to do today, when Lori shows up.

She kisses Danny then takes a seat, “So what are you two conspiring about?”

“Oh, I'm just trying to talk Danny into marrying me instead,” I tease.

“Now there's a match made in heaven,” Danny says, teasing Lori too.

“A marriage made in hell is more like it,” Lori fires back.

“Hey, I lived with him for three years, and we got along just fine,” I put my hand to my chest, pretending I'm insulted.

“Yeah, only because Phillip was there to play referee,” Lori counters.

Jeez, she's just full of piss and vinegar this morning. Obviously, the run wasn't long enough.

“Did I hear my name being taken in vain?” Phillip says, sneaking up behind me and kissing my neck. He whispers softly in my ear, “Morning, Princess.”

I close my eyes for a second to drink in his words, the sound of his voice, his musky smell. I block out everything in the world but him. I have to admit, I love having him so close to me.

He sits across from me and claps his hands together, “So what's going on this morning?”

Lori answers his question, by saying with a laugh, “Jade is trying to talk Danny into marrying her instead of me.”

Phillip rolls his eyes.

“Fine,” I say, trying to redeem myself. I don't understand why Lori and Phillip think this is so hilarious. “If I can't marry him, then I will be his bachelor party,” I smirk and smile seductively at Danny.

“Whatever,” Lori says and shakes her head at us.

Danny winks at me.

“So what's on tap for today, Miss Cruise Director?” Phillip asks Lori, ignoring me and changing the subject.

“Well, I'm going to have a long day of lying on the beach doing nothing but watching the ocean, while Manuel brings me a whole bunch of drinks with little umbrellas,” she answers dreamily.

“Sounds perfect,” Phillip replies, in an equally dreamy voice.

Danny and I glance at each other, worried. Because sitting still all day may damn near kill us, or at a bare minimum, drive us insane.

Lori rolls her eyes and says, “Here you two. Don't look so dejected. There are lots of activities.”

She slides Danny and I each an itinerary across the table.

“I took the liberty of booking a few things to keep you two out of trouble.”

“It won't work,” Phillip says.

Like Danny and I ever get into trouble.

Okay, maybe sometimes our plans don't come to fruition exactly like we planned, but hey, we always manage to have fun.

Danny gave me a cute magnet for Christmas last year. It said, The trouble with trouble is it always starts out as fun. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

I grab the list off the table and read it.

9:00 – 10:00: Sailing

10:00 – 12:00: Volleyball Tournament

12:00 – 2:00: Trip to Private Island and Lunch

2:00 – 5:00: Nap time

5:00 – 7:00: Happy hour at the beach bar, then rehearsal

7:00 – 9:00: Dinner with family

“Lori,” I say, “you have to do something while you're here.”

“Jade, believe it or not, lying on the beach counts as something. Besides, were going to lunch together. It'll be fun. We're riding wave runners out to the resort's private island.”

“Yeah, and I hear the island is clothing optional,” Phillip tells us and leers at me.

Great. Now I have something else to worry about for the next three hours.

Danny and I try out sailing. It was okay, but not as thrilling as I expected because there wasn't much wind. Next we head to the 2-on-2-volleyball tournament. This was a very fun activity because Danny and I kicked butt and won the whole thing.

Naturally!

After that, we set out to meet our beached friends.

We find Phillip and Lori sitting on beach chairs under a palm tree, doing exactly what they had said they would do. Drink. Lori seems to be a bit drunk, and Phillip is not far behind.

“Hey, we were watching the volleyball tournament from here. You guys did great!” Lori says, and then she kisses Danny a little too passionately.

Phillip gets up, grabs me around the waist and says, “And looked great too. I really like the new bikini.” Then he kisses me passionately.

What is in those drinks?

Love potion?

But I decide I like Phillip like this. He's very loose and fun. We have a great time riding the wave runner out to the island. I stupidly let him drive, but I enjoy it immensely because I'm able to wrap my arms around him and just hold on tight. I love the feel of the wind on my face and my hair flying back behind me. I feel free. When we get to the island, Phillip jokes with me and chases me down the beach, trying to catch me so he can help me take off my top. When I finally let him catch me, he just throws me into the sand and kisses me. It's great fun, and I'm totally at ease with him. I don't feel the least bit pushed. Maybe this will work after all.

We get back to the resort, and Danny asks Lori if she's ready for a nap.

I'm sorry, but neither one of them look the least bit tired.

“Hey,” I blurt out, “you're not even married yet. Why don't you save something for the honeymoon?”

They just look at me, laugh and leave.

Phillip, who has sobered up some, leers at me. “You know, I'm feeling pretty worn out myself. Why don't you come take a nap with me?”

I consider it for a minute.

No, I decide. Too soon.

“No way, we're going parasailing. Come on.” I grab his hand and lead the way.

Later that night, we meet Danny and Lori and their parents for happy hour and tell them all they missed out on by not parasailing. It was exhilarating, and scary, and a total rush. The kind of stuff Danny lives for. I loved it and had so much fun with Phillip. I really do like being around him.

I get the feeling they don't think they missed out on much though. They look at each other with dreamy eyes. And they share these glances, like they know a big secret that no one else knows.

It makes me feel kind of jealous.

I would like to feel that way about someone someday.

I gaze at Phillip and wonder if I could ever look at him like that.

As soon as we finish with dinner, Lori and Danny excuse themselves. Evidently they are still tired. As she is leaving, Lori says, “Don't keep her out too late, Phillip. We have yoga class at eight, with full spa treatments after.”

“Eight?” I say with a groan, but Phillip gives me those stern eyes of his and I say, “Sounds lovely,” and I force a smile at her. It is her wedding after all.

Phillip and I decide to go dancing. I think that sounds like great fun because then I can get Phillip a little drunk and loose again.

I'd like to dance with him all night and maybe, just maybe, take him back to my room later.

Phillip and I have each had three huge margaritas and are out dancing when two guys, who Danny and I killed in the finals of the volleyball tournament, come dancing up next to us. We are all sort of dancing together, and I have to admit that I'm loving the attention. I had thought today that the guys might be gay, but the way they are dancing with me, I'm inclined to think not.

At one point, I turn back around toward Phillip, and I don't see him. I look over at our table, and I still don't see him.

Weird.

He must have gone to the bathroom.

The guys and I dance to a whole bunch of fun songs, and the waitress keeps coming around with these cool shots. Her serving tray has a bunch of glow in the dark necklaces on it, and you get one with each shot you order. She must be selling them well because the dance floor is glowing with them. Nearly everyone I see has at least one necklace on.

I've had two of them, I think.

I look down at my chest and see that I, do indeed, have on two necklaces, so I must have had two.

See. I'm not messed up.

The not gay after all guys order us another round when she comes by again.

I do one more shot, put on another necklace, excuse myself and head to the bathroom.

Why is it when you're in the bathroom at a bar, you suddenly realize just how screwed up you are?

The stall is spinning around me, and something in my brain makes me realize that Phillip has been gone for a long time.

Disappeared.

Hmm. I wonder where Phillip has gone?

I think I will go and look for him.

I don't say goodbye to the not so gay guys and start off down the beach.

“Phillip. Oh, Philliipp. Where fore art thou, Phillllip?” I sing and dance my way across the sand.

Where am I going again?

Oh, yeah.

Find Phillip. Then what?

Take him back to my room.

Ooh, that sounds fun!

I think I see someone sitting on a beach chair up ahead of me and am surprised to find out that it is Phillip.

He's sitting in a beach chair.

Did I say that already?

Why is he doing that?

He is supposed to be dancing with me and having fun.

And I have been having so much fun.

“Philllippp! Oh, Philllipp, why are thou art out here, Philllipp?” I ask him, as I slide onto his lap and run my fingers through his hair.

I love Phillip's name. It just rolllls off my tongue.

I also feel very romantic.

Amazing how that happens after a whole bunch of drinks.

Maybe those glow in the dark shot thingys had love potion in them too.

“Why did you leave me, Philllippp?” I pout, while trying to look sexily at one of his eyes, but I keep seeing two. Well four total, actually.

That kind of looks freaky.

He must be drunk to look so bad.

“I didn't really feel like dancing with a crowd.”

I think Philllippp is mad at me. Why would he be mad at me when we're having so much fun?

I know what takes a guy's mind off being mad. Kisses.

So I kiss him, but he pushes me off his lap and stands up.

That's weird.

“JJ, I'm not going to do this. You don't want this or me. You made that painfully clear tonight, you didn't even try.”

“I did try, Philllipp! I was having a great time! You're the one who left me.”

I'm getting mad because he is speaking to me in a very accusatory tone.

Like I did something wrong.

He's the idiot who left me with two not so gay guys.

“Phillip, I don't get it. You say you want to be with me, but you leave me? You say you want to dance with me, but what? All of a sudden, we can't have fun and dance and party like we always do? It seems to me you haven't made much of an effort. And then after I come find you and kiss you, you get all pissy with me. I don't like it, Philllipp. I thought you wanted to kiss me, Philllippp.”

“I had a lot of fun with you today, JJ, but you totally blew it tonight. I thought that you wanted to be with me, only me.”

I look at both Phillips and say, “So that's what this is all about? You're on a jealous little rampage? Grow up, Philllipp.”

Good-bye, Philllippp.

I stumble away from him and run up the beach.

Why am I stumbling?

It must be these stupid sandals. They are giving me problems, and they must come off!

Now.

I sit in the sand, even though I'm getting my new dress all sandy. I take the stupid sandals off and throw them down the beach.

Phillip follows me, grabs each one of my sandals out of the sand and says, “You're picking a fight with me, JJ.”

What? Am I no longer Princess?

That's three JJs in a row and no one is even around.

“I'm not going to fight with you,” he continues.

Doesn't he know that I don't want to fight with him either? In fact, I want to do the exact opposite of that tonight.

But I don't tell him that because he's being a jerk.

“Why? Might you have to show some e-mo-tion?” I yell.

I get up and try to brush the sand off of my dress. “I'm through with this,” I say.

“Yeah, well I'm through with it too. This is your fault. I understand you wanted to have fun, but you're supposed to want to have fun with me, not other guys. You didn't even try. In fact, I think you were purposely trying to push me away. I'm the one who gives up.” He throws his hands up in the air.

He's very upset with me, I think.

And he's fighting with me.

Didn't he just tell me that he wasn't going to fight with me?

Is he drunk?

“You ever decide you want to try this for real, you know where to find me. It's your move,” he says, acting very crabby.

Then he walks away.

Hey! Wait! He's not supposed to leave me, he's supposed to kiss me!

I watch him walk further and further down the beach and notice that not once does he look back.

Oh, this is so not at all how I wanted this night to go.

I sit in the sand and sob.

Phillip comes back, either a few minutes or a few hours later. I'm really not sure.

I look up at him through mascara filled tears.

“Come on, Princess,” he sighs, as he scoops me up off the sand and carries me to my room. “I'm not going to be able to sleep, unless I know you're safe.”

My God! What is that noise?

I think someone is slamming a sledgehammer against my door.

Why are they doing that?

I practically fall out of bed and when I do, I am genuinely surprised to see that I'm still wearing my dress from last night. And it's all freaking sandy. What the hell did I do in the sand?

Whew. I feel a little fuzzy, but I must make that noise stop.

I look through the peephole in my door and see Danny. I fling open the door, let him in and crawl back into bed.

“Jeez, Jay, you look like shit,” he says in a booming voice.

It hurts my head.

“Why are you still wearing that dress? Oh wow, did you just get back from Phillip's room?”

“Danny, could you please talk a little bit quieter?” I beg and bury my head under the sandy pillow.

“Ok-ay,” he says more quietly, quickly appraising the situation and taking charge. “Go wash your face and get dressed.” He looks at my dress and says, “As in, not the dress you wore last night. I'm taking you to breakfast. You need to eat, take some Advil,” he looks at me with real concern, “and I hate to say it, but you may even need a drink. We've got less than an hour to get you ready to meet Lori.”

Oh God. I feel awful, but I do as I'm told, drag my butt out of bed and go into the bathroom.

I wash my face, brush my teeth and pull my hair back into a ponytail.

I have a sudden feeling of déjà vu. It's all very blurry, but I vaguely remember being in here last night with someone. Was it Phillip?

Was someone throwing up?

Was it me?

I think it was, and I think Phillip helped me get here.

So why am I wearing my dress?

Why isn't he here in bed with me?

I have a feeling that things didn't go exactly as I had planned.

But wait, I remember!

I think he was mad at me.

Then I remember the not so gay guys and arguing with Phillip.

Me, crying on the beach.

Oh, not good.

The only good thing I remember is I'm pretty sure it was me who threw up last night.

That means I may actually survive this day.

I open the door to the bathroom and am startled.

Danny is standing right in the doorway with my yoga outfit in his hands.

I had forgotten he was here.

“Put this on,” he bosses.

I do, and after sliding my feet into a pair of flip-flops, we head to breakfast.

Just my luck, when we get there, Phillip is there.

He shoves his remaining food into his mouth and says to Danny, “I gotta run. See you on the golf course at ten.”

He doesn't say a word to me.

Didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I frown.

Danny, who can't help noticing the frigid climate between Phillip and I, asks, “What's up with you two?”

“Nothing,” I say, putting on my sunglasses.

Where is Manuel? Someone really needs to get him to turn down the sun out here.

It is way too bright. It's making my head hurt.

“Stay here,” Danny bosses, leaves and comes back with a huge plate filled with all of my favorite things for breakfast.

None of it looks very appealing.

“Eat something, Jay. And drink some water.”

Shall I tell him that I'm not really in the mood to be bossed around? Probably not, it's his wedding day. I should try to be nice.

So I pick up a triangle of toast and take a teeny bite.

Danny hands me a mimosa and commands, “You better drink this.”

Yuck.

“I can't Danny, I am so never drinking again.”

“Like I've never heard that before.”

Danny is teasing me. He seems to think this is hysterical.

Yeah, cuz it's not him, for once.

So I go against my better judgment and do as he says. I drink the mimosa and am surprised that after a few sips, it's not half bad.

But then Danny makes me feel sick again, when he asks slowly, “J-a-y, what did you do to Phillip?”

Me?

“Nothing Danny, I swear, absolutely nothing.”

He is shaking his head up and down in apparent understanding.

“Ah, well that's the problem then.”

“Danny,” I cry, “the night was a flipping disaster.”

“Why?”

“It's not my fault Danny, really it isn't. We were dancing and having a great time, and in my mind, I pictured us dancing, and then I was going to invite him back to my room. I had such great plans.”

“I'm proud of you. So what went wrong?”

“Well, then those cute guys that we killed in volleyball yesterday came over and started dancing with us.”

“I thought they were gay,” he interrupts.

“Me too, but they didn't act like it last night,” I say raising an eyebrow and shaking my head, even though it hurts to do so.

“Anyway, we were all dancing together, drinking and having fun. And Phillip didn't say a word. He just left me. I thought he had gone to the bathroom or something, and I kept waiting for him to come back, but he never did.”

Danny looks at me with a shrewd eye, “So you were dancing and drinking, and knowing you, flirting with these guys, and you're surprised that Phillip left you. What are you, stupid, Jay?”

Hey, that's not very nice!

“No wonder he's mad at you. It was supposed to be a date. You were supposed to be with him, not other guys. I'd be pissed at you too.” He gives me a disgusted look.

Hey, you were just complimenting me on my plan.

Traitor.

“I'm a flirt. You know it. Phillip knows it. It's never bothered him before because he knows I'm harmless. Maybe he needs to loosen up.” I pause, thinking. “But honestly, Danny, even though he says it's what he wants, I'm not convinced Phillip really wants this either. I mean if he did, he wouldn't have given up so easily.” I shake my head at Danny. “Regardless, now I give up.”

“Can you honestly tell me you gave it your best shot with him?” He looks at me with squinty looking eyes, and I have a sneaking suspicion he doesn't believe that I did.

“Over the years, I've seen the many ways you can wrap a guy around your finger.” He rolls his eyes at me, “I should know. Phillip is not immune to you. I think that if you had really tried with Phillip, he'd probably have married you last night.”

I sigh.

“Did you try, Jay?”

“Yes. No. Oh, I don't know. I know he expected things to progress, but I was very clear that I wanted to take things slow. That I didn't want to be pushed. I hate being pushed.”

“It doesn't sound like he was pushing you at all, it sounds to me like you were pushing him away.”

I take off my sunglasses, so Danny can see just how miserable I am. “Look. I did try. I told you, I had big plans for last night and now I'm miserable. And not because I drank too much, but because I think I am in love with him. And I've probably already lost him. I want things to work out so much, but at the same time I find myself holding back. I'm so afraid I'll screw things up.”

“And I think that's exactly what you need to do. Screw things up.”

“What?” I ask, completely missing the double entendre.

Give me a break! I'm having a rough morning here.

“Sleep with him, Jay,” Danny says very seriously, “Get it over with, before you lose him.”

Somehow I manage to get through the day. I do yoga with Lori without throwing up, although my instructor makes some snide comment about me looking a little green.

I make it through the massage, which normally is really relaxing, but it made me nauseous. After the massage, we break for lunch and they bring us some healthy and crappy looking spa food. I beg them for a cheeseburger and fries and, yay, they bring me some. Lori and I have champagne with lunch, and I'm starting to feel almost normal.

After lunch, we're both getting pedicures and manicures, and then I'm scheduled for a detoxifying body wrap.

Now that is something I need.

Suck all the alcohol out.

How much do you want to bet the yoga instructor set that one up?

During our pedicures, Lori finally breeches the subject of Phillip. She doesn't know about the disaster last night, and I have no intention of telling her.

“I saw you at breakfast the other morning,” she says, like she knows some big secret. “When Phillip whispered in your ear, you just melted. Your eyes got all dreamy looking. You know, I have NEVER seen you react to any guy like that.” She does an imitation of how my eyes looked. She looks ridiculous, and I'm sure she over exaggerates.

“You're a smart girl. You always amaze me with your ability to see the world as your great big playground. You can see miles into the future, so why can't you see a good thing when it's right in front of your face?”

“Phillip.” I state, knowing full well what she means.

“Yeah, Phillip. You know, Danny thinks so too.”

“I know, he told me once after he dumped me.”

“He didn't dump you.”

“Oh, I know,” I say with a wave of my hand, “but it bugs him when I say he did. Sorry, it's an old habit.”

“You know, I know all about the flag bikini, Jade. I've even seen that sad, tattered little picture.”

“He still has it?” I'm surprised. “You know, I love it that it doesn't bother you. A lot of girls would have a problem with it.”

“Well, I think Danny has kind of a been there, done that attitude towards you.”

“Been there, maybe,” I say, “but never done that.” I grin at her and then frown and say, “Unfortunately.”

“No. Fortunately. Because if you had, he's right, you probably wouldn't have stayed such good friends.”

“Why? Is he that bad at it?”

“Well, I think you could expect that he approaches it, the same way he does everything else in his life,” she says cryptically.

But I understand completely. “100 percent focus and full out energy.” I sigh and shake my head.

Figures.

“Jadyn, end result is, I'm not jealous. Whatever works. He signed a six year, $48 million dollar contract. I don't care if he visualizes himself playing football with a donkey and a naked clown. Hell, I'd blow the picture up and hang it on the living room wall if I thought it would help his game.”

I squint my eyes at her.

“Okay, maybe not, but my point is that I understand your friendship with Danny, and we both value it.”

“So brilliant wife-to-be, why do you think I should risk my friendship with Phillip by dating him?”

“Because you're perfect together.” She pauses for effect, “Jade, it's like you were made for each other.”

“That's all great, Lori, but I think it may be too late. But you don't need to hear about my problems, this is your wedding day,” I smile. “We're only going to talk about happy things.”

“Did something happen between you two last night?”

“No.”

“Oh,” she says understanding, “is that the problem?”

“Evidently,” I say with a roll of my eyes.

Lori and Danny's wedding is held on the beach at sundown.

We stand beneath a beautiful white archway that's laden with tropical flowers and smells heavenly. The hotel's wedding planner must have weddings down to an art, because they say I do and kiss, just as the big orange sun is sneaking below the horizon. It is the most simple, yet most beautiful and romantic wedding I've ever seen.

It's intimate and personal.

I think if I ever find a man crazy enough to marry me, it needs to be on a beach just like this.

I recovered from my massive hangover and because I had been pampered all day, I have to say I looked pretty darn good at the wedding. Unfortunately Phillip, who was looking damn fine himself, didn't seem to even notice. He was cordial and overly polite to me at the reception dinner with everyone.

And as maid of honor and best man, we did have to dance together and toast the happy couple. But the whole time, he was stiff, and I just wanted to cry and beg him not to be mad at me. I even thought about telling him I was sorry, although I'm still not convinced I did anything wrong. I also thought about telling him that he might be right about me being a little in love with him, but I couldn't. I wasn't sure he'd believe me.

Before we came here, I had pictured in my mind how much fun Phillip and I would have at our two best friends' wedding. Needless to say, my picture didn't happen.

As soon as Danny and Lori left, Phillip said, “Good night,” and walked away.

I thought about going dancing to try to make myself feel better, but I couldn't.

I thought about going to his room, but I didn't know what I'd say.

So I went straight to my room and kept hoping he would knock at my door.

Of course, he never did.

I know it's over between us. It got completely screwed up.

What am I going to do without my best friend?