Текст книги "Confessions of a Kleptomaniac"

Автор книги: Jessica Sorensen

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

I’m fidgety, restless, nervous. At least, that’s how I feel whenever I’m at home. All I want to do is go to the nearest store and rid the anxiety smothering my chest, but my parents are always watching me.

When I’m at school, I’m not as anxious, even though Logan has made it his mission to torment me. It’s like sophomore year all over again; only, this time Grey isn’t joining in with him. He’s actually trying to get him to stop, but Logan’s having no part of it.

“Nice sweater,” he says the moment I step foot into the busy hallway. “Did you used to be fat or something? Is that why all your clothes are too big?”

I ignore him, shove in my headphones, and hurry to Wynter’s locker to get some clothes from her. But the same thing happens every morning for the next three days. Only, Logan becomes crueler.

“That’s why you dress like this, isn’t it? Because you’re a closet slut,” he accuses one day when I’m wearing a dress. “I’m surprised I can’t see the nasty scars, though.”

Piper busts up laughing from beside her locker, and her group of friends join in. “Logan, don’t tell me you’re thinking about touching that.”

Logan’s eyes darken as his gaze drinks me in from head to toe. “I don’t know. It might be interesting to see what she’s got hiding under there.” He reaches for the bottom of my dress.

I slap his hand away. “Don’t ever touch me.” I sidestep around him and dash down the hallway with the sound of their laughter hitting my back.

I don’t get it at all. My dress isn’t even short, but it’s like he wants me to feel ashamed of myself. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think maybe my mom and dad are right, that I shouldn’t be dressing like this. But then I look in the mirror, and for the briefest moment, I recognize myself.

Grey has tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I’ve been standoffish. I feel bad for my behavior, but I’m worried he’ll ask me more about my confession in the forest. And I’ll have no choice except to lie to him or tell him about the messed up inner workings of my mind, tell him I have no control over myself. If I don’t steal stuff, I feel like an addict jonesing for their next fix.

I stir in that guilt every time I see Grey, every time I walk into class, and he attempts to catch my eye. I sit down as far away from him as I can, though mostly to avoid Logan.

And during the therapy sessions we attend, my parents make sure to drop me off right on time and pick me up the second it’s over, so that only leaves time for hellos and good-byes. I don’t see him at lunch throughout the week at all, either.

On Thursday, my avoiding-the-truth routine takes an unexpected turn when I show up to class before Grey does.

When he runs in right as the bell rings, he drops in the desk beside mine. “Hey,” he says, a little out of breath. “How are things going? I haven’t really gotten to talk to you much since the other day.”

I dare a glance across the room at Logan and find him watching the two of us like hawks.

“I’ve been really busy. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get it.” He sweeps strands of his brown hair out of his eyes as he leans across the aisle and whispers, “How are things at home?”

I anxiously peer around the classroom, noticing how many people are watching us.

“You know what, never mind,” he says, reclining back in his chair.

The room grows quiet as the teacher begins class. I’m jotting down notes when a piece of folded up paper lands on my desk. I pick it up, look at Grey, and he smiles at me.

Confused, I unfold the paper.

I wanted to make sure everything was okay, but I can tell you’re nervous to talk about it aloud, so I thought I’d just write you.

I press the tip of the pen to the paper and write:

Everything’s fine. I’m still grounded, and I’m only allowed to leave the house for school and our sessions, but that’s okay. It’s not the first time I’ve been in trouble like this. Quick change of the topic question, but do you still not have a phone? Or do you just like to do things old school? ;)

When I fold up the note and hand it to him, our fingers brush, and my skin tingles from the contact.

His lips quirk as he reads the letter. Then he picks up the pen, scribbles something down, and hands the paper back to me.

I haven’t gotten around to buying one yet. It’s a long story that would take too much time to write down. It sucks that your parents won’t let you out of the house. If you ever need someone to bust you out, let me know. I make a good getaway driver.

A smile tickles at my lips as I respond:

I bet you do. I promise I’ll be okay, though. Besides, if my mom caught me sneaking out with a guy, she’d lock me in my room and throw away the key.

I hand him back the note, and this time, he frowns as he jots down something before giving it back.

I hate that it’s like that for you. I mean, I get that parents sometimes need to punish their kids and everything, but there’s a fine line between punishing and being a warden.

I take a deep breath and write:

I know. All I can do is count down the days until school ends. Then I can go off to college and finally be my own person. That is, if they let me go to college. If they have their way, I’ll stick around until some guy they approve of requests my hand in marriage.

I hand him back the note. He reads what I wrote and then quickly pens something down. As he reaches over to hand it to me, our fingers brush again, and he smiles at me. I have a feeling he did it deliberately, and the idea makes my heart skip a beat.

I unfold the piece of paper.

First of all, what century do your parents think we live in? And second, don’t let them decide any of that for you. Promise me you’ll do what you want to do, that you’ll go to college, and that you definitely won’t marry a guy they pick out for you. You deserve so much better than that.

I press the tip of the pen to the paper, surprised how easily I write, Okay, I promise.

I pass the note to him, and a smile graces his lips as he reads it.

“Grey Sawyer, would you like to share with the class whatever you and Luna seem to find so fascinating?” Mr. Gartying suddenly asks with his eyes locked on us.

“Nah,” Grey replies coolly while my back goes as rigid as a board.

“That wasn’t really a question.” The teacher signals for him to stand up. “Bring me the note.”

My heart sprints at the idea of the teacher reading the note aloud to the class. It’s been sprinting a lot lately. Maybe it’s time to do something about it. Give in. Cut class and go downtown. Alleviate the stress that’s been bearing down on me.

Grey looks from me to Mr. Gartying then stands up. “Sure.” When he reaches the front of the classroom, he tears the note into pieces. “There you go.” He hands the pieces to Mr. Gartying.

“That just earned you lunch detention, Grey.” Mr. Gartying discards the torn up paper into the trashcan. “Now, take a seat, and no more passing notes.” He muses over something. “Huh. I never thought I’d have to say that again.”

Grey calmly walks back to the desk and drops down in his seat. I want to thank him, but I’ll wait until the bell rings to avoid getting us in more trouble.

“Thanks for doing that,” I tell him after the bell rings. I pile my books into my arms, slide out of the chair, and cast a glance out the window, contemplating if I still want to ditch. I do feel a bit better now after what Grey did for me. “I’m sorry you got detention over it.”

He tucks his book under his arm. “It was worth getting detention. Just as long as you do something for me.”

I head for the doorway. “And what’s that?”

“Stop shutting me out.” He gives me that adorable half smile I’ve seen him use when he’s flirting. “I miss talking to you.”

I nod, baffled over the smile. Is he flirting with me?

“I have to get to the gym, like, now,” he says, glancing at the clock above the teacher’s desk. “But maybe we can get lunch together tomorrow?”

Is he being serious? He wants to have lunch with me?

“Um . . . sure.”

“Good.” He winks before spinning on his heels and stepping out into the crowded hallway.

I linger in the classroom for a second longer, processing what just happened, before I dazedly step out of the classroom and get swept up in the crowded hallway as I head to my next class.

I’m glad Luna’s talking to me again and even agreed to go to lunch with me tomorrow. I would’ve asked her to go with me today, but there’s something else I have to do, something important.

“What happened to your truck?” Piper asks with her nose crinkled at my car.

I open the door to climb in. “I sold it a while ago.”

She fires her infamous bratty scowl at me from over the chipped roof of the car. “I’m not riding in this piece of shit, Grey. You should know that after dating me for a year now.”

I retrieve my keys from the pocket of my jeans. “Then I guess we’re not going to lunch.”

Invisible daggers shoot from her eyes as she jerks open the door and drops into the passenger seat with a huff.

I exhale in relief. While I’m not thrilled to be going to lunch with her, I need her to come with me so I can break up with her and move on with my life. Over the last couple of days of listening to her ramble about the dance and her encouraging Logan to torment Luna, I know it’s time to let go of everything and get a completely new start. No more hiding behind my old life. No more being afraid of being alone. No more worrying if she’ll ruin my reputation. My reputation wasn’t that great, anyway.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself as I drive to the drive-thru and listen to her chatter on and on about all the people who annoy her. After we get our order, I park the car in front of the restaurant and turn off the engine.

“I was thinking that you could match your cummerbund and tie to my dress. It’s pale pink,” Piper says as she peels off the lid of the bowl of salad she ordered.

I unwrap the peanut butter sandwich I brought with me. “I’m never going to wear anything that’s pale pink.”

“You will if you want to go to the dance with me.” She grins haughtily as she grabs a plastic fork out of the paper bag. She nibbles on the lettuce while frowning at my lunch. “Why did you bring a sandwich if you knew we were going to get lunch?”

“Because.” I take a bite of the sandwich and chew it slowly to avoid saying anything more.

It’s crazy. I’ve dated Piper for almost a year, and I’m not even comfortable enough to explain my situation to her. While I haven’t told Luna everything, I plan on doing so when I get some alone time with her. I’ve already told her so much about me, more than I’ve ever told anyone.

Piper adds more dressing to her salad and stirs it around with the fork. “That’s the most pathetic sandwich I’ve ever seen.” She sets the fork down in the salad bowl, flips down the visor, and grimaces. “There’s not even a mirror in this pile of crap. What the hell, Grey? How am I supposed to fix my makeup?”

As I sit there, listening to her, I try to figure out what the hell I saw in her a year ago, why I thought I needed to start dating her. I remember thinking she has a hot body, something she always shows off in tight, short dresses. She likes to go to parties and is friends with a lot of my friends. I knew she could be a bitch, but I didn’t really care about that. She puts out, and that was all that mattered. Back then, that was enough, but not anymore.

I set the sandwich down on my lap. “Piper, we need to talk.”

She must sense something in my tone because she flips up the visor and folds her arms across her chest. “Don’t you dare try to break up with me right before the dance.”

“That dance isn’t for another three weeks.”

“Three weeks isn’t that far, Grey.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone else to take you.” I flick the keychain with my fingers as I think of the right thing to say that will cause the least amount of drama.

“Is this about Luna Harvey? Because, if it is, then that’s just insulting.”

I tense at her mention of Luna. The last thing I need is for Piper to go after her.

“Why would you think this is about Luna?”

“What, you think I’m blind? I’ve seen you talking to her and looking at her when you think no one is paying attention.” She flips her hair off her shoulder. “It’s kind of pathetic and makes you look like an idiot. I mean, picking her over me . . . Most guys would kill to be with me.”

“Then I guess you won’t have too much of a problem finding someone else to take you to the dance,” I say flatly.

“You’re going to regret this,” she huffs, reaching for the door handle. “By the time I get finished with you, no one will want to touch you again.”

“Calm down, okay,” I say as she kicks open the door. “I’m sorry you’re upset, but I can’t keep doing this. We were never . . . really right for each other.”

“Oh, I’m not upset.” She plants her heels on the ground, tugs on the bottom of her dress as she stands up, and then reaches back in to snatch up her purse from the seat. “I’m pissed off. No one breaks up with me. You knew that when you first started dating me. I warned you, if you so much as tried to break my heart, I’d end you.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t break your heart. We weren’t even in love, Piper. You know that just as much as I do.”

“Obviously, but that’s not the point.” She digs her phone out of her purse. “The point is you broke up with me after all that whining and sulking I put up with over the summer, and I’m not going to let you get away with it. By the time I get through with you, you’re going to have no one left.” She slams the door so hard the entire car groans in protest. Then she storms off toward the entrance of the restaurant, putting her phone up to her ear.

I grip the living daylights out of the steering wheel and take a few measured breaths. That was even worse than I thought it was going to be. Still, threats and all, I’m relieved it’s over. Maybe now I can move on from that chapter in my life.

Except, in the back of my mind, I worry about what’s going to happen if she does make good on her threats, mostly because I’m worried she’s going to try to do something to Luna. I can handle Piper’s temper tantrums, but the last thing I want is for Luna to have to.

I’ll just have to make sure that doesn’t happen.

By the time I make it back to school, Piper has told almost everyone that she broke up with me at lunch. Thankfully, that’s the only rumor that seems to be spreading around the hallway. Still, I can’t help noticing that some of my so-called friends are acting differently, like Logan. He does take a moment to corner me in the hallway and express his “concern.”

“I just hope you don’t go all loner crazy like Jay,” he says, looking way too happy over the idea.

Jay was the last guy who dated Piper. After spreading around a rumor that he was in a cult and spent a lot of time hurting animals, most of his friends cut ties with him. I’m ashamed to admit I was one of them.

Maybe I deserve what’s coming. Maybe I deserve worse.

“Why are you being such an asshole about this?” I ask as I open my locker. “We used to be friends.”

“You know as much as I do that we were never really friends.” He leans his shoulder against the locker with his eyes on the people traveling through the hallway. “We’ve hung out and shit, but we’ve never really liked each other. In fact, a lot of the time I hate you. You think you’re the shit, which you’re not.” A slow smile spreads across his face as he looks at me. “Haven’t you ever heard ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’? Good luck with whatever you’ve got headed your way.” It’s a threat. Clearly, he has every intention of helping Piper try to destroy me.

I spend the next couple of classes trying not to notice how different people are treating me, suddenly avoiding me like I have the plague. It takes me until the last class of the day to figure out why.

“I heard Grey Sawyer has herpes,” a girl whispers to her friend as I enter Biology.

Herpes? Really, Piper? That’s the best you can do?

“Yeah, which pretty much means she has it too,” I say to the girl.

Her eyes widen as she seizes ahold of her friend’s arm and scurries to the opposite side of me.

Shaking my head, I take a seat at my usual table and wait for class to start. No one sits by me, and no one seems too enthusiastic to be my partner when the teacher hands out a group project assignment.

I feel unsettlingly uncomfortable sitting there all alone. You did this to yourself. If you’d been nicer, then maybe people would have your back.

“So, you have herpes, huh?” Beck drops his books down on the table and pulls out a chair to sit down.

“Apparently, at least that’s what I’ve been told.” I try not to appear too relieved when he sits down, but I am. Like, a ton.

“You know, I’ve seen Piper come up with a lot crazier rumors, but this one might be the most disgusting one she’s ever spread.” Beck flips open his book as Ari joins us, sitting down in the chair across the table from me. “She must be really pissed off at you. Then again, almost everything pisses her off if it means she’s not going to get her way.”

“That it does,” I agree as I crack my textbook open.

I wait for him to start asking questions about what happened between Piper and me, but instead, he nods his head at Ari.

“I’m not sure if you two have officially met, but this Ari, my partner in crime and the guy who will get us an A on this assignment.”

Ari rolls his eyes as he reads through the assignment packet. “I’m not going to do all the work for you this time.”

“That’s what you say now, but we both know that’s not how things are gonna go down,” Beck tells him cheerfully then looks at me. “He says that every time, but then he gets really frustrated and takes over when he remembers how much I suck at homework.”

“It all turns out okay, though,” Ari says, opening his binder. “Beck makes up for it by giving the presentation to the class, which I suck at.”

“So, what does that leave me with?” I ask, twirling my pen with my fingers. “Because I’m not that great at science, either, and while I usually rock the presentation thing, I’m not sure how well the class is going to react when they fear they’re going to contract herpes from me.”

Ari sighs as he removes his glasses to clean the lenses with the bottom of his shirt. “People really are stupid, aren’t they? And seriously, who believes anything Piper Talperson says? The girl should’ve lost all her credit when she tried to convince everyone back in seventh grade that broccoli was a fruit and that it grew from trees. She even tried to argue about it during debate class and told a story about the broccoli she once saw growing in her backyard. God knows what she actually saw.”

Beck reclines back in his seat with his hands tucked behind his head. “How did I not know about this?”

Ari slips his glasses back on, shrugging. “It’s not like we ever talk about her.”

“True,” Beck says with a bob of his head

God, if Piper heard what they were saying, she’d lose her mind. I find myself smiling at that.

I spend the rest of class working on the assignment with Ari and Beck and listening to them tell stories about some of the stuff they’ve done. They bring me into the conversation whenever they can. They’re really easy to talk to, like Luna, more accepting than I’m used to. Watching them joke around with each other forces me to realize how crappy my friends have been over the years, how much time I’ve wasted by hanging out with people I never felt comfortable with.

When the bell rings, I collect my stuff and head out of the classroom. People continue to give me nasty looks as I make my way to the parking lot with Ari and Beck, but I do my best to ignore them.

“So . . . Have you gotten your grades up yet, man?” Beck asks casually as we cross the grass.

Ari is detached from the conversation, engulfed in some kind of text conversation on his phone, but he does glance at me when Beck asks me the question.

I pat my pockets for my car keys. “A little bit.”

“You think you’re going to be able to play in the game tomorrow?” he asks, spinning a keychain around his finger.

“Maybe. It all depends on if I can pass the exam I have in English.” I don’t think I will, though. Not when my mom’s been the one helping me study.

“Did you get another tutor?” he asks, seeming marginally interested in my answer.

“I have it handled,” I say with a shrug. It’s a lie. I don’t have it handled at all, but I don’t know anyone else besides Luna who is smart enough to tutor me.

He accepts my answer, though.

“Cool. Maybe we can have a good shot at winning.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I feel like a jerk for lying, but what else am I supposed to say?

We part ways and get into our cars.

The drive home gives me time to clear my head. Maybe this thing with Piper won’t be as bad as I thought. Perhaps it’ll help me get rid of everyone who simply used me, like Logan. I want a fresh start, right? Well, that also means making new friends.

I’m feeling pretty okay by the time I pull up into my driveway. But as I climb out of the car, the oxygen suddenly gets ripped from my chest as I notice the sold sticker slapped over the for sale sign in the front yard.

I drift into the house in a panicked daze, trying to convince myself that it’s a good thing. It means my mom won’t have to worry about a mortgage she can’t afford. My family needs this. But it hurts, knowing the house I grew up in that carries so many memories with my father won’t be my house anymore. I want to cry; instead, I put on a smile so my mom won’t know how upset I really am. No one will.