Текст книги "Out of Line"

Автор книги: Jen McLaughlin

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

A few nights later, I hugged Cory good-bye, making sure to keep it friendly and not too personal. He went in for a kiss again, but I ducked my head just in the nick of time. After he caught me off guard last Saturday, he’d been trying to kiss me over and over all week long. Of course, I might be partially to blame for that. I hadn’t ended our first kiss right away, and had probably given him the wrong impression.

But I hadn’t kept the kiss going because I’d liked it so much I couldn’t break it off. Not because it set me on fire in ways even twenty thousand romance novels could possibly describe. No, I hadn’t ended the kiss because it hadn’t done anything at all. Zilch. Nada. Zero. Zip.

No matter how many ways I said it, I may as well have been kissing a poster of a fat, balding man for all the excitement the kiss had given me. But when Finn kissed me…

Now, that was another story all together.

“Good night, Cory,” I said, patting his shoulder.

Yep. I actually patted his shoulder.

“Night.” He gave me a long, almost pleading, look. “See you tomorrow afternoon for another weekend study session?”

“I’m hanging out with Finn,” I said, my tone apologetic. “Sorry.”

Cory nodded but looked unhappy. Guilt struck me, but I didn’t know the right way to let him know I wanted to be friends and only friends. Maybe I could repeat the speech Finn had given me. It had worked well enough for him. “No problem. See you Monday.”

“Bye.”

I headed up the stairs to my dorm, expecting to find the room empty. It was Friday night, after all, and Marie surely had plans. But when I opened the door, I found Marie on the couch, hot and heavy with some guy I didn’t even recognize.

Marie opened her eyes mid-kiss and pointed at the door. What was I supposed to do? Sit in the hallway? Marie narrowed her eyes and pointed at the door more emphatically. I slowly backed out and closed the door behind me.

Leaning against the hallway wall, I closed my eyes. Okay. Now what? I could call Cory and hang out with him some more, but I was already struggling to find a way to break it to him gently that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. That left two other options. Walking around without a destination or even an idea on how long it would be until I could return to my room…or Finn.

Easy decision. I missed Finn anyway.

I headed back outside and called a taxi. I knew I should call him first. Make sure he didn’t mind if I stopped by. But what if he told me no? If I just kind of showed up, it would be hard to send me away. At least I hoped so.

Of course, by the time the cab arrived, I was losing my confidence in this decision. And after I paid the cab and started up his walkway, I was ready to run back toward the car, even though it was halfway down the road. His bike was outside, so I was fairly certain he was home, but what if he had company? The kind of company he didn’t mind kissing?

I hovered outside of his door, pressing my ear against the cool steel door, listening for the telltale noises of sex. All I heard was him talking. Something about watching “Golden Boy.” No one responded, so I could only assume that he was on the phone. That was a good sign.

I swiped my hands over my thighs. Taking a deep breath, I raised my trembling fist and knocked. His voice paused, and then I heard footsteps approach. He opened the door, and my breath whooshed out of my lungs. He didn’t have a shirt on, like usual, but instead of his normal shorts, he wore a pair of camouflage pants. His dog tags, which I’d never seen him wear, hung off his neck, and his hair was shorter on the sides than it had been the last time I’d seen him. A little shorter on the top, too, but there were still some curls.

He looked like a Marine. The type of Marine that went to war. The thought chilled my blood. War had always seemed so far removed from my own life that I never really thought about it besides the occasional story I saw on TV. I’d never known a soldier or a Marine or anyone who would be in harm’s way to keep me safe.

Not until Finn.

“Of course, sir.” He clenched his phone tighter and held a finger in front of his mouth in an obvious attempt at keeping me quiet. Was he on the phone with his superior? “Yes, sir.” A pause. “I will update you on that status when I return from duty.” He hung up and shoved the phone in his pocket. “Hey.”

“Hi,” I said, biting my lower lip. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Or heard from you. Are you…is something wrong?”

…and now I sounded like a desperate girlfriend seeking attention.

“I’ve been busy.” He gestured down his body. “Getting ready.”

I nodded. “You look ready to go to war.”

“Not quite.” He raised a brow at me. “I’m missing a few key components. Namely, a weapon.”

“Well, duh.” I flicked a glance over him again, my legs going all weak. He was always hot, but wearing his uniform, he was catastrophic to my health. “Why are you wearing that? And why did you cut your hair?”

“Because I had to for drill.” He tugged on his dog tags. He still hadn’t moved out of the opening of the door or invited me in. In fact, he hadn’t even smiled or looked happy to see me. “Are we doing surprise visits now? I hadn’t realized we were there yet.”

I stepped back and glanced over my shoulder. A couple came up the walkway, a young child at their side. They were talking about not having enough money for food again. I made a mental note to drop off a gift card to a local grocery store at their door. “What’s drill?’”

“It’s something I have to do the first weekend of every month,” he said, his jaw tight.

“O-Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Are you leaving now?”

He hesitated. “No, I have to report to duty first thing in the morning. Why?”

“So, I guess we’re not surfing tomorrow, huh?”

“No, we’re not.”

I shifted on my feet, not sure what to say next. He was acting cold and uncaring, and I didn’t know how to talk to a Finn who acted this way. I’d obviously made a mistake coming here. “You weren’t going to tell me?”

“No, I wasn’t.” He sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. “I didn’t realize I had to.”

I crossed my arms. “Well, I’m new to this whole ‘friend’ thing, but it’s kind of common courtesy to let someone know when normal routines will be broken, right?”

I forced a laugh, but it hurt to know he hadn’t even been planning on letting me know our usual plans were off. Then again, hadn’t I done exactly the same thing to him? Yeah. I had. Just last week. Well, crap. I’d been a horrible friend and hadn’t even known it.

“Yeah.” He cocked a brow, his thoughts clearly along the same lines as mine. I could see it in his eyes. “Yeah, it is.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” I played with the hem of my shirt. “I’m not the best at this stuff. I didn’t realize…”

He studied his nails. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”

“For not hanging out last Saturday after surfing. You’re obviously mad, and it wasn’t right for me to not let you know about it.”

“Nope.” He looked up at me with something that could only be described as disinterest. “I’m not mad about that. I got over it quickly enough.”

I curled my hands into fists. My nails dug into my skin from the force I used, but I didn’t even care. “Then what are you mad at?”

“Why do you think I’m mad at all?”

“For one?” I craned my neck to look past him. “You haven’t invited me in. Do you already have company?”

“Nope.”

“If you’re not mad, then why aren’t you—?”

“The better question is,” he crossed his ankles and checked the time, “why are you here unannounced at nine o’clock on a Friday night?”

“I…I wanted to see you.”

“Why?” he bit off, as if he couldn’t spare more than a single word on me.

“You know what? Never mind.” I brushed past him, muttering, “Good luck this weekend.”

“Thanks, Ginger,” he said, his voice taunting me. “Don’t get lost in the ocean without me. I won’t be there to save your pretty little ass.”

I froze mid-step, my whole body trembling with frustration and anger and hurt. “You know what?” I turned on him, swinging my fist toward his hard, bare bicep. “Fuck you!”

He easily caught my wrist, preventing the blow. His jaw ticked, and his eyes spit fire at me. “What’s the matter? Do you not like being blown off? Well, neither do I.”

“I knew it. I knew you were mad at me.” I tried to yank free, but he didn’t loosen his grip. “Let go of me.”

“Or what?” he asked, clearly daring me to do my worst. “What could a little brat like you possibly do to me that would make me let go?”

I knew one thing he didn’t want from me. One thing sure to make him release me. I grabbed his dog tags and yanked hard, bringing him down to my level. He didn’t even fight me, probably because he’d been expecting me to hit him or shove him or something else painful. Instead, I melded my mouth to his, kissing him with everything I had.

All of my frustration, anger and yes, need, came pouring out of me.

He dropped my wrist and gripped my hips, neither pushing me away nor pulling me closer. Spinning me around, he trapped me between the brick wall and his hard chest. When he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, clearly taking control, I clung to the cool metal of his dog tags. With my free hand, I ran my fingers over his abs. I’d wanted to do that since the first time I saw him.

His muscles clenched, and he rubbed his erection against me, teasing me. Taunting me. God, this was how a kiss was supposed to feel. This is how I wanted to feel. And I wanted to find this bliss in Finn’s arms. No one else’s.

I lowered my hand, brushing against the top of his waistband, and then lower until I reached his penis. He arched into my hand, groaning into my mouth. When I closed my hand over him, marveling at the size and feel of him, he jerked and jumped back from me as if I’d punched him instead of touched him. As if I hurt him, instead of bringing him pleasure.

“Damn it, Carrie,” he swore, dragging his hands down his face. When he turned to me with blazing eyes, I flinched. “You just go around kissing anyone you want, don’t you? Don’t care who or where or when? Or how many of us there are?”

I tensed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I saw you,” he said. No, snarled. “I saw you kissing Cory just a couple of days ago, and now you’re here, kissing me?”

My heart ached at the accusation in his tone. And the hurt in his eyes… “I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me.”

“You looked pretty damned happy about it to me.” He grabbed the bannister and looked out at the road, his shoulders tense. “As a matter of fact, you looked like the perfect couple, so I really don’t know why you’re here with me.”

I took a step toward him. If he was mad about Cory kissing me, did that mean he was jealous? And if he was, what did his jealousy mean? “I didn’t kiss him back.”

He spun on me. “Bullshit. I saw you. And you liked it.”

“No.” I held my hands out, desperate to make him understand why I had kissed Cory. To make him see I only wanted him, not Cory. “I kissed him because I was curious. I wanted to know why he doesn’t—”

“I don’t care why you did it. Just leave me alone.” He started for his door, but I stepped in his path, resting my hand on his chest. His whole body tensed, but his heart raced beneath my palm. “Carrie, move out of the way. I’m done here.”

I tilted my head back and met his eyes. “No.”

“Go bug Cory. He’ll welcome it. I don’t.” He removed my hand from his chest. “I don’t play games, and I don’t share.”

Finally, the anger came back. Thank God, because I needed its strength right now. “Funny, but you told me you didn’t want to be with me. Told me you weren’t interested. So how is it sharing when you never wanted me in the first place?”

“When you came here and kissed me, it became sharing.” He still hadn’t dropped my hand, but his grip wasn’t harsh or even strong. “I’m not willing to be some man you kiss when the mood strikes, before you go running back to Cory.”

“That’s not fair.”

He squared his jaw. “Tell me, were you with him tonight before you came to me?”

I trembled. “I was, but not like you’re insinuating.”

“There’s no insinuation.”

“Sure there isn’t.” I glared at him. “And I’m Mother Teresa.”

“Nice to meet you.” He dropped my hand. “Now get the hell off my porch.”

He was halfway inside the door before I got up enough nerve to ask, “Do you want something different now? Do you want to be with me?”

He froze, his hand on the doorknob. When he looked back at me, his eyes were open and vulnerable. He looked at me as if he did want more. As if he wanted me. But then he opened his mouth and ruined everything. “What I want doesn’t matter. It’s not happening. Ever. Go chase after Cory instead of me. He’ll let you catch him.”

“I don’t want him,” I whispered. “I want you.”

He shut the door in my face, and I was alone. I swallowed back tears and started down the steps. Well, that was it. It was over.

All because I’d gone and kissed him.

After drill on Sunday night, I unlocked my door and kicked it open. My eyes strayed to the spot Carrie had stood when I told her to go chase someone else. Even though I tried not to remember what had happened right in this spot on Friday night, it was useless. She’d been on my mind all weekend at training. Haunting me. Annoying me. Making me wish I’d done things differently from the start.

Now that I was back from training, nothing had changed.

She was still on my mind. Still bugging me, even though she wasn’t by my side. What was wrong with me? Since when did I let one little spoiled brat of a girl get under my skin so deeply? I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the wall, the silence of my empty apartment surrounding me. But the silence soon gave way to her whispered words—the ones that wouldn’t leave me the hell alone.

I don’t want him. I want you.

And what had I said to her? I’d told her to spend her time with Cory instead of me. It was better this way. The right thing to do. She would move on to someone more suitable, and I would be safe from ruining everything for Dad’s retirement. It’s not like I needed to hang out with her to watch over her. That had been my first mistake—trying to become her friend. The second had been kissing her. And the third?

Wanting more from her than grade school kisses.

I banged my head back against the wall. “Idiot.”

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I powered it on. It had been off since Friday night, and I was sure I’d have a waiting text or a thousand from the senator. No sooner did the Apple icon disappear from the screen than my phone buzzed.

Everything okay over there? Have you seen her tonight?

I rolled my eyes. Just walked in. Haven’t gone out yet.

Do so and report back.

Yes, sir.

Apparently my time to sit around moping had come to an end. Duty called, and I couldn’t ignore it. After making quick work of changing out of my uniform, I opened the door and headed out to search for Carrie. It’s not like I could text her and ask what she was doing. I’d kind of ended that aspect of our friendship the minute I rejected her and acted like an ass.

I’d have to go over to the dorms and see if I could find her. It was five thirty, so chances were she’d be out and about. Maybe at the library. Probably with Cory. Making golden fucking plans for a golden fucking future.

The whole ride over to the school grounds, I was tense and strung out. I wasn’t ready to see her with Cory. To see what I’d orchestrated. I pulled the bike up to the curb and took off my helmet. After scouring the library, I came up empty. Everywhere else on campus turned out empty too, but then it occurred to me what day it was.

Sunday. She was probably helping out at the soup kitchen. Alone.

Son of a bitch.

I jumped back on my bike and took the quickest route to the local shelter. By the time I arrived, the sun was down and I had every intention of hiding in the shadows of the parking lot. Once she got in a cab, I could tell her dad she was fine. But as I pulled up on my bike, she walked out the door. She was pale and her hair was frizzy. Huge bags were under her eyes, making her look exhausted. A family came out of the soup kitchen at the same time as her, and Carrie handed them three gift cards.

The family hugged her and she hugged them back. Carrie watched them walk away with a smile on her face. Once she was alone, she stepped under the streetlight and I saw a thin sheen of sweat covering her skin. She’d worked too hard tonight. Then again, she always did, especially when it came to helping others.

As she reached into her pocket to grab her phone, I swore I saw a shadowy shape move behind her, but it could have been a trick of the light. I tried to sink back into the shadows before it was too late and she spotted me, but she turned my way. At first, she didn’t see me, but I knew the exact second she spotted me. Her nostrils flared and she gave me her back. Clearly, she planned on pretending she hadn’t seen me.

When she pulled out her phone and started texting or calling someone, I hesitated before I walked up to her. “Hi.”

“Are we surprising each other now? I didn’t realize we were there,” she murmured, still not looking up at me.

Okay. I deserved that. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be friends anymore, but I could at least apologize for my bad behavior. “I’m sorry I lost it the other night.”

“It’s fine.”

She still didn’t look at me. I shifted on my feet and scanned the dark alley behind her. I couldn’t get rid of this uneasy gut feeling that something was back there. “No, it’s not.”

Finally, she lifted her head. “You’re right. It’s not, but if nothing else, I now know exactly how you feel about me. So thanks for that.”

“No, you really don’t.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t even know how I feel most of the time.”

“Well, good for you.”

Yeah. She was pretty pissed at me. Well, I’d been pissed at her too. “Thanks, Ginger.”

She stiffened. “Don’t call me that.”

“Or what? You’ll kiss me into submission again?”

The glare she gave me should have turned me into nothing more than a pile of ashes. Instead, it made my whole body quicken with excitement. I liked when she played hard to get, damn it. “Go away.”

“And leave you standing here all alone in the worst section of the city?” I snorted. “Yeah. Not happening. Where’s your cab?”

“Late.” She walked past me, her shoulder bumping into my arm. It was probably supposed to be a shoulder bump, but she was too damned short to pull it off effectively. “If you won’t take the hint, then I’ll leave you.”

I fell into step beside of her, my hands in my pockets. This wasn’t a good section of the city, and she was playing stupid games. I thought I heard a footstep behind us and spun, ready to protect Carrie, but nothing was there. When I turned around, Carrie had an eyebrow raised and an amused expression on her face.

“Chasing shadows?”

“In this section of town, it’s probably not a shadow.” I searched the darkness, certain someone or something was out there. “Let’s go. Now.”

“Not with you.”

There it was again. A footstep. A shuffle. I grabbed her elbow. “This is an even stupider move than kissing me. You looking to get robbed or worse?”

She broke free and stumbled backward. “I’m looking to get rid of you.”

“Well, newsflash. Storming off in the worst section in San Diego isn’t the way to do it.” I reached for her, but she skirted out of my reach again. “Get on my bike, and I’ll drop you off.”

“Not happening.” She tried to step around me, but I blocked her again. She stomped her foot. Actually stomped her foot. “Get out of the way!”

“No. We need to leave. Now.”

Something fell in the alley behind us, clattering against the pavement. Carrie seemed oblivious to the threat, but I wasn’t. My entire body knew a fight was coming, and I wanted Carrie far, far from it. A shadow moved behind her as my worst nightmare came to life. A man wearing a black ski mask and a pair of black gloves appeared seemingly out of thin air, holding a knife to her throat.

“No quick movements,” he rasped, his eyes on me.

I held up my hands and surveyed the rest of the shadows. Nothing else moved. It looked like the mugger was working alone. “Easy now. We’re not fighting back.”

Carrie’s eyes went wide, and her face ghostly white. “Finn?”

“Just do as he says,” I said, keeping my voice calm and soothing, while inside I was ready to rip off this asshole’s face piece by piece. The man pressed the knife against Carrie’s white skin and I saw red. Lots and lots of fucking red. My heart pounded in my head, and my whole body braced for a fight. “Let go of her right now.”

The man laughed. Fucking laughed. “Give me all of your money and jewelry, and I’ll think about it. Now.”

“Finn,” Carrie said, her voice soft. I could tell she was seconds from panicking, and if she panicked, there was no telling what this man would do.

“Look at me.” When she followed my command, I saw the fear deep in the depths of her blue eyes. It was like pure acid in my stomach. I didn’t want to see her look at me like that ever again. I didn’t drop Carrie’s gaze, making sure I looked calm and collected for her. “Do what he says, babe. It’ll be okay.”

She fumbled with the bracelet on her wrist, her fingers slipping on the clasp. Once she finally managed to get it off, she handed it to the man holding her. He snatched it up and shoved it in his pocket. Judging from the way he shook as he held Carrie, the money he earned from the sale of the bauble would go straight into his veins. Or up his nose.

His unsteady hand made the knife slice Carrie’s throat. It was just a tiny scratch at best, but it made me ready to make him bleed a hell of a lot more. “Let go of her.”

“Once I’m done, you’ll get her back,” the man sneered. He pressed the knife even deeper into Carrie’s neck and a tiny trickle of blood rolled down her throat. “Money. Now.”

I wanted to throttle the piece of shit. Now. But I knew I had to set the scene right. I needed to get the threat away from Carrie before I made my move. Then it was game fucking on. The asshat wouldn’t know what hit him.

“Here you go,” I said.

I took a wad of cash out of my pocket and held it out, waving it around just out of reach. The fucker reached for it, but couldn’t quite touch. He extended his arm, letting the knife fall away from Carrie’s throat. Bingo. Just what I’d wanted.

Moving so fast the man never saw it coming, I captured his wrist and spun it behind his back. The knife clattered to the ground and Carrie leapt back from it, her eyes wider than ever before. Yanking the guy’s arm up behind his shoulders, I kept a firm pressure on him. I wrapped my forearm around the guy’s neck in a chokehold, squeezing tight enough to knock the guy out but not kill him.

No matter how tempting it might be.

“Come near her again, and next time you won’t wake the fuck up,” I snarled in his ear, fury making it hard to keep my grip loose. The thief tried to break free, but went limp in my arms. I let him drop to the ground and took the bracelet out of the guy’s hand, then shoved the cash back in my pocket too. “Let’s go now.”

Carrie nodded quickly, taking my hand when I offered it. Neither one of us spoke as we climbed on the bike, helmets on and tension high. She clung to me, so I could feel her entire body shaking. Trembling. She might be in shock. I didn’t know if the shock was from my quick reaction to the robber, or the robber himself.

Either way, it wasn’t good.

I choked the throttle, speeding down the PCH to my apartment. When we got there, I hopped off the bike and yanked off my helmet. After helping her to her feet, I gently removed hers. She looked at me, not touching me but not moving away either.

“Why did you bring me here?” she asked.

I looked around. Though I hadn’t thought it through, I’d brought her back to my place. Leaving her alone was out of the question right now. “I don’t want you to be alone tonight.”

“Oh.” She took a shaky breath, her face still far too pale for my liking. “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to—”

“I want to,” I said simply, making sure my tone left no room for arguments. Though I wanted to rail at her, scream at her, I swallowed back my anger. Now was neither the time nor the place to release my frustrations at her actions.

She didn’t say anything. Just swallowed hard and nodded.

I brushed her hair out of her face tenderly and her eyes drifted shut. “Are you okay, Ginger?”

“Where did you learn how to do that?” she asked, her voice tiny and soft. “It was…crazy.”

“The Marines,” I said, swallowing past the huge lump in my throat threatening to choke me. So, she was scared of me now. Fucking fabulous. “You know I would never hurt you, right?”

She bit her lip and latched gazes with me. I couldn’t read the emotions in her eyes. Fear maybe? “Of course.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” I hugged her tight, resting my head on hers and breathing in her scent. “But I’m not sorry I did it. He could have…you could have…”

She gripped my sides, fisting my shirt, and my stomach clenched. “I know.”

Seeing that man holding a knife to her throat had done weird things to my insides. I’d be a fool to deny she meant something to me. Something real and huge and unstoppable. Like a force of nature, only stronger. How much longer could I push her away? How many times could I deny the feelings that were so clearly there before I gave up trying?

She shuddered and buried her face in my shirt. “Just take me up to your place, please.”

Not trusting myself to speak right now, I swung her in my arms, carrying her up to my apartment. For once, she didn’t fight me. She just lay there, letting me cradle her in my arms. Once we were inside, I sat down on the couch with her still in my arms.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “That’s was the stupidest, most stubborn, idiotic—”

“I know.”

“—thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

“I know.”

“And you will never, ever go there without me again. Understood?”

She swallowed and nodded. “Yes.”

Her easy acquiescence did nothing to soothe my temper. I needed a fight. Needed to make her see how stupid she’d been in storming off like that. “If I hadn’t been there—”

“But you were,” she said quietly.

“But if I wasn’t.” I tightened my arms around her, picturing all the horrible things that could have happened to her. All the gruesome things men liked to do to defenseless women like her. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me if you were hurt? I can’t even imagine—”

She lifted her head and kissed me, shutting me up quite effectively. For once, I didn’t want to fight her off. Didn’t want to give a damn about my duties or expectations. Didn’t give a damn what kind of contract I’d signed that said I wasn’t allowed to touch her. For once, I…

Didn’t want to stop.