Текст книги "Thread of Innocence"

Автор книги: Jeff Shelby

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

THIRTEEN

I slept in Lauren’s room.

Not in a sexual or romantic way, but after we’d both admitted that we wanted to have the baby, I’d gone to the bed and hugged her. I’d wrapped my arms around her and she’d snuggled in to me and we’d both fallen asleep. I woke in the middle of the night, the seeds of panic blossoming as I wondered if Elizabeth was still in her bed. In her room. In our house. I’d slid out from Lauren and padded soundlessly up the stairs. She was in bed, curled up on her side, the covers pulled to her chin. I could have gone to the guest room then. But I didn’t. I made my way back down the stairs and crawled into bed and pulled Lauren toward my chest. She sighed and scooted against me and I drifted back to sleep.

It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, being in bed with her. The way I saw it, we were continuing our roller coaster ride of a relationship. We may have come to an agreement about the baby, but that didn’t mean we’d figured out anything about ourselves.

Elizabeth was up early, already in her running clothes, when I came out of Lauren’s bedroom. If she wondered why I’d slept there instead of upstairs, she didn’t ask, just mumbled a good morning and sipped her orange juice. I grabbed the keys and we were out the door after I downed my own small glass of juice.

The morning fog was still clinging to the cool air, the sidewalks and street damp from the moisture. It was thick enough that it felt like dry ice was swirling around us as we stretched for a few minutes on the beach. I could hear the waves lapping against the shore, but we were far enough up the sand that I couldn’t see it.

“You sleep okay?” I asked, twisting to loosen up my back.

She leaned down and reached for her calf. “Yeah.”

“Getting used to the bed?”

She stood and adjusted the band around her ponytail. “It’s fine.”

“I talked to your mom about Minnesota,” I said.

Her eyes narrowed and she continued fiddling with the band. “She told me.”

“I may have changed her mind,” I said. “Sort of.”

She toed the sand. “Sort of?”

“She’s willing to consider letting you go to Minnesota,” I said. “Provided she goes with you.”

She rolled her eyes, shook her head and took the first few tentative steps into our run. “Great.”

I didn’t say anything and we took off. We ran easily at first, mainly because it was hard to see through the fog. But as it burned off, we picked up the pace, our feet pounding the sand. The sun eventually poked through the fog, sending beams of light across the sand and forty five minutes later, when we came to a halt back where we started, we were both sweating pretty good.

We walked slowly, letting our breath come back and our legs recover.

“I take it you aren’t interested in a joint trip back to Minnesota then,” I said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Hey, Elizabeth?”

“What?”

“I get this is all tough for you. I really do and I’m trying to navigate all of this and help with what you’re asking for. But I’m really done with the indifferent teenager act, so you might want to consider dropping that crap right about now.”

The color in her cheeks deepened. “Sorry.”

It was the first time I’d spoken to her like a real parent since she’d been home. It came out naturally, because I really was irritated with her demeanor. But I also had an immediate pang of guilt, as if my scolding her was going to make her hate me or run away.

“I understand why you’d want to go back to Minnesota,” I said. “But you also need to understand that your mom and I aren’t comfortable sending you back alone. We spent a long time without you, we don’t know the Corzines and we just don’t want to be away from you. There’s a lot of moving parts here. But I do get why you want to go back. And I think having her go with you might be a pretty good compromise. I think it’s the best we can offer you right now.”

She wiped at her forehead with the sleeve of her T-shirt. “Okay.”

“Okay you want to go or okay you don’t want to go?”

She took a deep breath and put her hands on her hips. “I’d like to go.”

I nodded and we started walking up the beach, back toward the house. “I’ll talk with your mom some more today about it then.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

We scrambled through the rocks to get to the sidewalk. The fog was completely gone now, having given way to a light blue sky and the sun over the distant mountains.

“Do you remember me?” I asked before I could swallow the words.

She looked surprised. “What?”

“Do you remember me? From before you were taken?”

She was quiet for a minute.

“Yeah, I remember some things,” she said. “Like I told you. Sort of like shadows. But, yeah, I can remember some things.”

“Like?”

She stared straight ahead. “I remember walking to school with you. I remember the white cat you bought me when I was…I don’t know how old. I remember some things, yeah.”

“With your mom, too?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

We walked for another minute and turned the corner onto our street.

“I have a tough question for you,” I said. “You ready for it?”

She glanced at me. “I guess.”

I cleared my throat. “Would you rather be here or in Minnesota?”

The corners of her mouth twitched and she reached back to fiddle with her hair as we kept walking.

“And I should preface that, I guess,” I said. “I want to know because I want to know where you’re at. Your mom and I aren’t considering letting you move back to Minnesota or anything. It’s not your fault that people lied to you and that you had to block things out and accept where you were out. I understand why you did that and I’m glad you did. But the fact is, you weren’t supposed to be with those people. We don’t want to treat you like a possession, but the bottom line is you’re our daughter. I just want to know because I want to know what you’re feeling.”

Her pace slowed until we came to a stop on the sidewalk. She dropped her hands from her hair, but they fidgeted at her sides, like she didn’t know what to do with them. It took a moment before her eyes found mine.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, I don’t know how to answer, okay? I don’t feel like I belong here, but I know I don’t really belong there either. I know all that. It’s just…it’s just weird. So I’m not trying to be all ‘I don’t care.’ I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere right now.”

I nodded and we stood there for a moment on the walk, neither of us saying anything. She wasn’t crying, but I got the sense that she was on the verge of tears and I didn’t want to push her over the edge.

“That’s fair,” I finally said. “There’s no right answer right now, I guess.”

Elizabeth shrugged.

“Think about going to Minnesota with your mom,” I told her. “I think it might be a good idea.”

“Okay,” she said. “I will.”

“And Elizabeth?”

“Yeah?”

I stubbed my toe against the concrete. “For what it’s worth, I want you here. I want you to want to be here. And I know you belong here. I love you. Which probably sounds weird right now. But I love you and I’m glad you’re home. Just because you were gone doesn’t mean we didn’t stop loving you and missing you. So. I love you and I will do the best that I can with all of this.”

She forced a smile on her tired face. “Thank you.”

It wasn’t the exact phrase I wanted to hear, but it would have to do.

FOURTEEN

Lauren was home when we got back. She’d made breakfast and Elizabeth and I both sat down and ate platefuls of eggs and toast. When we finished, I went and showered and when I was out, Lauren informed me they were going to head out and finish up their shopping from the day before.

I glanced up at the staircase, waiting for Elizabeth to come down. “I think she’d agree to going to Minnesota with you.”

Lauren rolled her eyes. “Joe, I thought…”

I held up a hand before she could get on a roll. “I know, I know. I’m just telling you where she’s at. In case it comes up in conversation. That’s all.”

She gave me a look like she knew I was saying it for other reasons, but didn’t respond. Elizabeth came down in leggings and a T-shirt, her wet hair brushed thoroughly.

“Can we go back to the mall?” she asked, looking at Lauren.

“Sure,” Lauren said, smiling. “Wherever you want.”

“Okay,” she said. “I need makeup and stuff.”

I nodded, but it was strange to hear her say that she needed makeup. I was still thinking of her as the ten year old I’d left in the yard. I needed to start realizing that I had a teenage daughter.

“Yep, for sure,” Lauren said, grabbing her purse and the car keys. “We’ll go wherever you need to go. Ready?”

“Yeah,” Elizabeth said, heading toward the garage. She glanced at me and held up a hand. “Bye.”

“See you in a bit,” I said.

Lauren raised her eyebrows, shrugged and followed her to the garage.

I listened to the garage door open, the car start and then the door grinding to a close. I glanced up at the stairs. I had an urge to go into Elizabeth’s room and see what was there. But I immediately reprimanded myself. If I started doing that kind of thing, there would be no boundaries and no way to learn to trust Elizabeth. As much as I might’ve wanted to cocoon her, it wasn’t possible and trying to do so would just damage the relationship. I forced myself to look away from the stairs, find my laptop and do some work for a change.

I was a half an hour through answering emails when the doorbell rang. I stared at the door for a moment, as if I might be able to see who was on the other side of it and finally got up to answer it when the bell rang again.

I was surprised to see Agent Blundell standing there.

“Mr. Tyler,” she said, with a smile. “Nice to see you.”

“You too,” I said.

“Is this a good time?” she asked, peering over my shoulder. “Do you have a few minutes?”

I stepped out of her way and motioned for her to come in, shutting the door behind her. She wore gray slacks, a light blue dress shirt and a thin gray suit jacket over the shirt. Her hair was perfectly coiffed and her fingernails were painted the same color as the shirt. The heels of her dress shoes clacked on the wood floor and I could see the bulge of her weapon on her hip beneath the suit jacket.

She turned to face me. “I’m sorry for dropping in unannounced.”

I smiled. “No you aren’t. But that’s okay. Have a seat.”

She sat down on the edge of the sectional sofa and I sat down on the other side.

“Elizabeth and Lauren are out,” I said.

If that disappointed her, it didn’t show. “They’re getting along?”

“Well enough for now.”

“With you, too?”

“Same answer.”

Blundell nodded. “Good. Any more talk about her going to Minnesota?”

“We’re working it out,” I said.

She waited.

I waited.

“That’s good,” she finally said.

“Sure.”

It was quiet again.

“Is this where I ask why you’re here?” I asked, more amused than anything else.

She gave me a faint smile. “I really did mean to call.”

“It’s fine that you didn’t.”

“And I do make it a point to check on anyone that’s been returned to their family after a long absence,” she explained. “It’s part of the process.”

“I understand.”

It went quiet again.

“But…” I finally said.

“But I’m hearing you’re a little…restless,” she said, eyeing me.

“What does that mean?”

“You tell me, Mr. Tyler.”

I leaned back in the sofa. “I didn’t for even a second pretend I wasn’t going to keep digging. I told you that at your office.”

She nodded. “I recall. And I told you not to do it.”

“I’m bad at rules.”

She smiled, but she didn’t look that amused. “I assume there’s nothing I can do to stop you.”

“I’m not sure I’m really doing anything. You wanna tell me what I’m doing?”

Blundell shrugged. “I don’t know. Just hearing things.”

I wondered if Lasko had rung some bells or if she was just keeping an eye on me. Either way, I wasn’t surprised.

“I’m poking around,” I said. “As I told you I would. So if you’re here to tell me to stop, why don’t you do that so we can stop wasting each other’s time?”

She finally leaned back in the sofa and crossed her left leg over her right. “I’m not sure that would do any good.”

“It wouldn’t,” I said. “I’ll just be upfront about that.”

She nodded, like she’d expected that answer. “Okay. So maybe we share information.”

“Sure. What do you wanna share?” I asked.

She smiled and it finally seemed genuine. “I was thinking you first.”

“I was not thinking that.”

“Mr. Tyler, I can’t just…”

“Fine,” I said. “Tell me what you know about Phoenix.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Phoenix?”

I could’ve shared with her the things that Lasko had pulled together, but I didn’t trust her. Not because I thought she was doing anything wrong, but because I wasn’t entirely convinced she was really going to share anything with me. So I decided to throw out the one thing I still knew very little about.

“What do you know about a woman in Phoenix who might be trafficking kids?” I asked.

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

She shook her head.

“That isn’t sharing information, Agent Blundell,” I said. “Thanks for coming by.”

The fact that she didn’t stand told me she was either very interested in what I had to say or that she knew something about Phoenix. Maybe a little of both.

“You’re talking about what the Corzines have said?” she finally said.

I nodded. When I’d first found the Corzines, they claimed they didn’t know anything about the woman they’d “adopted” Elizabeth from, further weakening their argument that the adoption was above board. But they did disclose that they had picked Elizabeth up in Phoenix.

“We’re looking,” she said.

“Hard?”

“We’re looking at everything right now,” she said. “Everything.”

“Anything there?”

She hesitated. “Not that we’ve seen yet, no.”

“So not a thing?”

She shook her head.

I didn’t believe her. Either she was holding out on me, they hadn’t looked or they weren’t having any luck. She wouldn’t admit if they hadn’t looked yet, but if they weren’t having any luck, there was no reason for her not to tell me that. So she either had something or they hadn’t gotten that far yet. Either one irritated me.

“So,” she said.

“So,” I repeated.

“I answered your question,” she said. “Now it’s your turn.”

I laughed. “Okay. Ask me a question.”

“Was hoping you’d just be forthcoming.”

“With?”

“With whatever.”

I waited a moment. “I’m looking at everything.”

She frowned.

I shrugged. “What else do you want? Corzines told me about the lady in Phoenix. I haven’t gotten much further. And apparently I don’t need to worry about her. According to you, at least.”

She uncrossed her legs, then recrossed them. “Why the hostility, Mr. Tyler?”

“There’s no hostility, Agent Blundell.”

Her face hardened and any semblance of congeniality was gone. “I understand you had some trouble before you left the force here in Coronado.”

In the past, those were words that tended to inflame my anger. But I’d gotten so used to hearing them, to knowing they were presented just to provoke a reaction, it was like I’d become inoculated to the poison being thrown my way.

“The only trouble I had was when my daughter was taken from my front yard,” I said.

“That’s not exactly the way I read it.”

“Well maybe Bazer added some fiction to entertain you,” I said, smiling.

She made a slight roll with her shoulders that I took as a shrug. “You want to give me your version?”

“Not particularly,” I said, shaking my head.

“Might give me a clearer picture.”

“Of what, exactly?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “Of whether you think I might’ve had something to do with my own daughter’s disappearance?” I shook my head. “If you really think I give a shit about that, you go right ahead and dig. I feel zero need to defend myself against that absurd idea.” I laughed and squinted at her. “I honestly thought you were better than that. But if you’re getting sidetracked with that bullshit, you might as well close my daughter’s case now and mark it as unsolved because your head is so far up your ass you won’t be able to see a thing.”

She smiled at me like she might a young kid who was telling her a joke she’d heard a bunch of times before. “I didn’t say I believed it.”

“I didn’t either, but if that’s what you’re gonna use to try and pull info out of me, you might want to sign up for interrogation school again,” I said. “I’m over that.”

She nodded slowly. “So nothing you want to share right now?”

I stood. “Even if I had anything, I wouldn’t share it right now after that pathetic attempt to get a rise out of me.”

“I think it might’ve done that,” she said, pushing off the couch. “You’re protesting a bit too hard.”

“Shakespeare won’t get you anywhere, either,” I said.

She smiled and put her hands on her hips. “Okay. But you still owe me, Mr. Tyler.”

“I don’t owe you a thing,” I said.

“Quid pro quo.”

“Yeah, well you gotta give something to get something.”

She tilted her head. “I answered your question. Not sure what else you want.”

I walked past her to the front door and opened it. I let her pass before I said anything else.

“What I want is a phone call,” I said.

She stopped on the front porch. “A phone call?”

“Yeah, a phone call,” I said. “Before you show up at my home again.”

FIFTEEN

“She said she’d go,” Lauren said. “With me.”

The girls returned home later in the afternoon and we’d barbecued chicken for dinner. I didn’t mention Blundell’s visit because I didn’t think there was any point. They seemed to have had a good time shopping and for the first time since she’d been home, Elizabeth was smiling and talking easily with Lauren. Lauren was trying not to make a big deal over it, but I knew she was pleased.

Now we were in the bedroom, Elizabeth having gone upstairs to hers and I was starting to understand why they were getting along better.

“Yeah?” I asked, stretching out on the bed on my side, my head resting on my hand, my elbow on the pillow.

Lauren nodded and slid onto the bed on her back. “Yeah. I asked her about it. She said if that was only way she could go, she’d go. But she didn’t say it all crappy like that.”

“That’s good.”

“I suppose.”

“So then it’s up to you,” I said.

She frowned at me. “No pressure.”

“Is what it is.”

She folded her hands together and rested them on her stomach. “So you told me how you felt about the baby. Now I’m curious how you feel about us.”

I rolled over on my back. “What the hell is it about this room that brings on these questions?”

“It is what it is.”

“Touché.”

“Thank you.”

I stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know, Lauren. Do we have to solve everything in one week?”

“No, that’s impossible,” she answered. “But we have to figure these things out.”

“We have time.”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

I folded my hands behind my head. “I don’t know. I know that being back in the house has felt pretty normal. Having Elizabeth here feels normal. Talking to you like this feels normal.”

“Agreed.”

“But I don’t want to force anything,” I said. “We got divorced for a reason.”

“We got divorced because Elizabeth was taken from us,” she said.

“That was part of it,” I said. “But we both know there were other things.”

“So you think we would’ve gotten divorced even if she hadn’t been taken?”

“No. But a lot of things happened. Things that we can’t take back. We’re different people because of what happened.” I paused. “We got divorced because we became those different people. Just because we have her back doesn’t mean we go back to being those people. We can’t.”

She leaned her head back against the headboard and sighed. “I know. I wish we could, though.”

“Me, too. Be a hell of a lot simpler.”

“It just…complicates things.”

“I know.”

We laid there in silence for awhile. I knew that I loved Lauren, but I wasn’t sure that was enough. It hadn’t been enough to keep us together when Elizabeth disappeared. If anything, I’d leaned on that too long, until it had nearly broken us. I didn’t want to jump back into things just because it was convenient. That wasn’t going to be good for anyone.

“I’ll take her to Minnesota,” Lauren said.

I turned to look at her. “Yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah. She wants to go. I’ll go.” She looked at me. “It’ll give me and you some time, too. To figure out what’s best.” She paused. “It’s hard to think about things reasonably when we’re all here in the house together.”

“I can leave,” I offered.

She shook her head. “Not what I mean and I don’t want you to right now.” She turned and looked at me. “If I haven’t said it, I’m sorry. But I want you in this house right now. I don’t want you confused over that. I want you here. I just mean it’s hard to get perspective on everything when we’re all here. So if I go to Minnesota with her, maybe it’ll help clarify things. For both of us.”

“Okay,” I said.

She reached out and took my hand, folded it into hers. “I love you, Joe. I hope you know that.”

“I love you.”

“And thank you,” she said.

“For what?”

She scooted down on the bed and laid her head on my chest. “For not giving up. On Elizabeth.”