Текст книги "When the Stars Align"
Автор книги: Jeanette Grey
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He’d somehow ended up almost on top of her, their chairs bumping, his knee warm where it pressed to hers. His lashes were impossibly long against the fall of his cheek. He inspected the page, mumbling to himself. When he lifted his gaze again, it was with the most brilliant, beautiful smile on his face.
“How did you catch that?”
“I don’t know. Just did.”
“Impressive.”
The compliment made her warm inside. People didn’t say that kind of thing to her very often. Probably because she usually shoved their mistakes in their faces instead of quietly pointing them out. She quirked her shoulder up but didn’t move away.
He was so close, and it was the middle of the night, and he’d been looking at her. Maybe if she pushed just a little…
His grin faltered as their elbows bumped, and oh yeah. The darkness in his eyes wasn’t her imagination.
But neither was the way he sat up straighter a second later. The way he laughed and raked his fingers through his hair and edged his chair a few inches to the side.
Right. Just like that, the intimacy of the space and the math and their lowered voices dissolved, and the softness she’d let out for just a second did, too. She turned to the monitor, but there was nothing new to see. The experiment was chugging right along, the telescope slewing slowly but surely over an unappreciated patch of sky.
“Um . . .” he started.
She moved the mouse around the screen for lack of anything better to do—for the pure comfort of having something to look at that wasn’t him.
And latched on to the first, most hurtful thing she could think of to say. “So. Did Ms. It’s Complicated ever call you back?”
He made a low noise in his throat that said she’d hit her mark. But instead of rising to her bait this time, he took a long, slow breath. “No,” he gritted out. “Though if she had, I wouldn’t know it.”
“Oh?” Not that she cared.
“No. I… uh… broke my phone.”
He broke his phone. The guy who never stopped looking at it—not at meals and not when she passed his office and couldn’t resist peering in. Not during meetings and not at the grocery store, and—
She caught herself before she could turn her disbelieving gaze at him. “You did?”
“Yeah, that night, actually.” And did he actually sound sheepish? “I, uh, may have let my temper get the best of me after somebody pointed out some things I wasn’t really ready to hear.”
What? Wait, did he mean Jo?
“And you took me seriously?”
He was absolutely shit at hiding how that wounded him, but he shrugged. “You may have had some good points.”
“Good points that you decided to take out on your phone.”
“Couldn’t exactly take them out on the person who was actually responsible, could I?”
She didn’t know if he meant her or the girl at the other end of that silent line. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to, either. Careful not to actually press anything, she tapped her finger against the edge of the keyboard. “You going to get the thing fixed?”
“Way beyond that. Gonna have to get a new one.” At her low whistle, he fidgeted with his pen. “And yeah. Eventually. Though”—he swallowed wetly, jaw clicking—“it’s nice, in its own way. Having it gone.”
She understood that. Wow, did she ever.
Nothing like giving up on the person you were never going to get any real approval from to make you feel about a million pounds lighter.
And maybe just a little bit like shit when you realized you were the only one in the relationship to notice.
She kept her gaze pointedly fixed on the data in front of her, trying to soften her tone, even with the tightness in her throat. “You still going to see her when you go to that… conference thing?”
“As far as I know. She said she would, but that was…” Before. He didn’t have to say it.
“Well, I hope…” What did she hope? That they’d work everything out and live happily ever after? Hardly.
In fact, the very thought of that bothered her more than it should have. Not just because she wanted to see what was under those running shorts of his. Because she didn’t like the idea of him settling for the rest of his life, accepting scraps when he should be getting more. From someone. She didn’t know him well, but even she could see he deserved better than that.
“I hope she doesn’t disappoint you,” she decided on. That was safe.
“Me neither. But I’d only be so surprised.”
“That sucks.”
“Big time.” He sat there without saying anything for a long moment, and she half thought he’d drop it. Let them lapse into the silence that had been working for them so far this evening. Then again, the talking thing hadn’t worked that badly, either. He shifted, picking up his pencil and tracing the binding in the margin of his notebook. “Since you bring it up, though, I was wondering.”
“Hmm?”
“Who was it?”
Something went cold in her chest. “Who was who?”
“The person. You said someone taught you that it was better to walk away than wait for them to care. Who was it?”
Oh hell. Forget cold—her ribs were suddenly made of ice, and they were squeezing in.
Because where did she start with that one? The father who wanted nothing to do with her, who just wanted his dead wife back? The boys she fucked her way through the minute she was out of his house? The professors who wouldn’t give her work when that was all she wanted?
Forget where to start. Where did she end? Where did this go except into the kind of pity party that made her want to scream?
She clenched her jaw and turned her gaze toward the big glass window looking out across the night. “Everyone,” she finally settled on. “Everyone.”
Chapter Six
It didn’t happen often, but there were some things so awesome even Jo couldn’t pretend to be unaffected by them. For just a second, she closed her eyes and let the sun soak into her skin. A good solid layer of SPF 100, and she was still probably going to burn, and she didn’t care.
She looked up again at the trees surrounding her. Palm trees. Huge and graceful, with broad leaves the size of her whole torso. Everything was so fucking green, but it wasn’t even just that. It was the bright red flowers and the golden petals and the shapes of plants that were like nothing she’d ever seen before.
She could die tomorrow, and at least she’d be able to say she saw a real, live, honest-to-God rain forest. She was here, standing in the middle of it, looking out over a pool of water so clear she could see down to the rocks ten feet beneath its surface.
And she was tethered to a bunch of children.
Another squeal rang out from the pool behind her, and she gritted her teeth. It wasn’t fair. All she wanted was to keep going, keep wandering through this place that made the breath in her lungs feel like it wasn’t enough. But no.
Dr. Galloway’s warnings rang out in her mind for the thousandth time.
Stick together. No wandering off on your own. Anyone who doesn’t check in won’t be invited on any future outings.
So here she was. The rest of the group had all stripped down to the bathing suits they’d worn under their clothes to dip under the little waterfall that ran through the rocks. Slipping beneath the surface and popping back up, and laughing, and…
And Jo was standing on the outcrop. By herself.
She kicked at a bit of rock with her boot. She hadn’t brought a swimsuit. Hadn’t expected perfect, shimmering pools where the sun broke free from the canopy.
Didn’t know how to dive in anyway. Especially not with people she’d been holding herself apart from all this time.
She gave in and cast a long, lingering look at them over her shoulder. They weren’t paying her any attention—not that she’d expected them to. Jared was chasing the redheaded girl under the waterfall, and Carol was floating on her back. The others were in similar states, and Adam…
Adam was treading water, and damn. She’d thought he was a specimen before she’d seen him with his shirt off. The guy was pure muscle, built without being bulky. Defined abdominals and a dusting of hair over pecs that glistened in the sun, and he had freckles. She wanted to feel how warm that skin was. Wanted to play the most intricate game of tic-tac-toe. On his shoulders. With her tongue.
And she wanted to stop doing this. Standing here, overdressed and overheated and dying to rake her nails across his spine. Quiet and ready to scream and alone.
Fuck it. Just fuck it.
Another pool lay on the opposite side of the outcrop she was standing on. Barely out of sight. She chewed her lip as she stared. It might be breaking the spirit of the law, but not the letter. She wasn’t wandering off by her lonesome.
She simply couldn’t stand to be there anymore.
After checking nobody was looking, she ambled down the rock, carefully picking her way to where it dropped off toward the other pool. It was deserted and crystal clear and perfect, and her feet were sweltering in her boots.
Out of sight, she unlaced them one by one. Pulled off socks and the baggy weight of her shorts and her shirt and the tank underneath it. Standing barefoot in her underwear and a sports bra, she tucked her hair behind her ears. She braced herself for the shock of cold and stepped off.
The surface was farther down than she’d thought, the bottom even deeper. Her foot slipped on wet stone, and she scraped her elbow as she slipped under. Cool water closed over her head, and it was like falling and floating and submerging all at once. She kicked hard, pushed her arms, and burst upward into bright air and searing sun, and she’d never felt more alive.
It took all she had not to whoop out loud with the sheer freedom of it. She plugged her nose and dropped back down and laughed beneath the water, sending bubbles rising toward the light.
For the longest time, she just… played. Swam and twirled and held on to the rock with her fingers while she let her legs drift. It was always better like this, with no one to watch. No one to have to pretend for.
Finally, the sounds of laughter on the other side of the barrier shifted, the splashing dying away. She sighed and took one more long dive, then kicked up reluctantly toward the surface. The rest of the gang would probably take their time moving on, but she didn’t want them catching her with her pants down. She paddled over to the point where she’d jumped in and looked for a place to grab on and haul herself up.
Only there wasn’t one. She looked to both sides and to the outcrop of rock she’d been standing on before, and it was all smooth and slick and angled wrong.
The first little shiver of uncertainty rumbled its way through her, her stomach dipping.
Shit. She knew better than this. Never get yourself into a situation you aren’t sure you can get out of.
She closed her eyes and counted to ten, keeping her breathing steady and not thinking about being stranded and left for dead or about having to call for help. She’d be fine. She was a strong climber, and she had always gotten herself out of jams before. This would be fine.
Looking up again, she picked her best prospect. Braced her feet against the most solid thing she could find and gripped hard, hauling herself up. She cursed when she slipped, knocking the underside of her chin against the rock. Fuck, that hurt. She swiped at the spot and got a thin trickle of red. Nothing major, but it was insult to injury, and her fingers already felt raw from where she’d lost her hold. There was no other way, though, and she tried again, arm muscles straining, only there was nothing to grip onto.
No one to call for help.
Okay. Okay. The panic was closing in on her chest now, but she could do this. She had to. She drifted over to another bit of rock and searched for a place to grab on, but it was all the same. Grasp and haul and slip and fall, and her breathing was too fast now. Oh shit, she was going to die here, in her underwear. She was fucked, and this had been stupid. How could she have been such an idiot?
She didn’t hear anyone around. Being by herself didn’t feel so great anymore. Nothing did. She shivered despite the sun and clenched her eyes shut tight.
She wasn’t going to snivel. Wasn’t going to cry. Wasn’t going to be the wimp her dad had always accused her of being whenever she showed weakness. But she had to do something.
“Hello?” she called, her voice scarcely wavering at all. No answer, and her heart beat harder. “Can anybody hear me?” This was awful. The worst. Her throat caught, jaw shaking, but she said it. She choked out a quiet, pathetic, “Help?”
“Jo?”
In her head, she said every single swear word in the English language as she whirled around. Because of course it was Adam, looking over the lip of the pool. He’d pulled on a shirt, but with the sun behind him, his golden hair looked like a halo, and she couldn’t even manage to be mad that he’d found her like this. Helpless and floundering and screwed.
There’d be plenty of time for that later.
For now, all she could do was blink back the tears of relief threatening to form at the corners of her eyes and say, “Hey.”
“Hi?” He gestured toward her. “You okay?”
Every instinct screamed at her to tell him yes, of course. It was all totally under control. But the edges of her smile wobbled, and a shudder made its way up her spine. She held herself rigid and swallowed against the lump in her throat. “Yeah. But. Actually. I could use a hand.” She bit down hard on the inside of her lip and forced the word out. “Please.”
It was the perfect opening for him to be an asshole. Anybody else would have. Hell, the first time they met, he’d tried to swoop in and help her, and she’d put him on his back. He had every right to lord that over her, or to leave her stranded, or to at least make her beg.
But instead he grinned and got down on his stomach on the rock. “Of course.”
His arms were long and strong. He braced himself and reached out toward her, broad palm extended and fingers open, and she nodded to herself. She couldn’t quite reach from where she was treading water, and her own arms were shaking from all the times she’d tried already, but she had another go in her. Another wild grasp.
She searched out the best bit of purchase she could find, got the pads of her fingers into a sliver of a crevice, and situated her toes against smooth stone. Nothing for it.
She caught his eyes, and he said, “I got you,” and that was it.
One floundering lunge, and her palm connected with his. His other hand closed around her wrist, and for a heart-stopping second, she slipped, but he grunted and pulled hard, and she got another toehold under her.
And then her chest was level with the lip. She scrambled with her free hand until she could drag herself the rest of the way up. As soon as she was free, she lurched and twisted and planted her butt on solid ground. Her limbs trembled, and she put her head between her bent knees. “Fuck,” she breathed. It was shaky and weak and all she had. “Just… fuck.”
“Yeah.” He got his legs underneath him and flopped down beside her in a mirror of her pose, shoulder pressed against hers.
And she was almost naked, and he was in nothing but a pair of swim trunks and a damp T-shirt. It was practically a dream come true, but all she could concentrate on was the solidity of him and the dull awareness of the scrapes and bumps and the trembling she couldn’t seem to stop.
“You okay?” he asked. He’d shifted, ducking his head so he could sort of see her face.
No. “Yeah.” She sucked in a deep breath and straightened up. She wasn’t quite ready to stand yet, and his body was so warm. Damn it all. She leaned into him, still shivering, but the tremor cut off when he wrapped an arm around her and tugged her close.
“Shh. You’re fine. You’re fine.”
“Of course I am,” she managed between chattering teeth. She didn’t move away, though.
He laughed and said, “I know. You always are.”
She closed her eyes and leaned even farther into his bulk. He smelled good and felt better, and she could have stayed like that forever. Pressed against him and barely clothed, and it didn’t even have to lead anywhere. Not that she would complain if it did. Just the thought made a tickle of heat bloom beneath her skin.
Like he was the sun, and he was piercing deeper than that fire in the sky ever could.
It was stupid—so stupid—but she’d already almost stranded herself in the middle of a rain forest, so how much more stupid could she get? It was relief and comfort and the fact that he’d helped her, without giving her a lick of grief over it. That he’d stayed afterward and wrapped her up like this. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and turned her face into his neck. Opened her mouth against that smooth, salt-and-sun flesh. Not quite a kiss and not quite an invitation, but an intimation. An opening.
One that slammed shut just as quickly as she’d dared to crack it open when someone called his name.
“Adam! Dude, you coming?”
She jerked away, and it didn’t hurt when he did the same, all but jumping to his feet and pulling his arm in close to his side, like she hadn’t just been nestled there, as if there wasn’t any room for her there. Maybe there never had been.
She never really fit into existing places after all. She always had to dig and scrape and build to make her own.
Jared appeared from the path winding through the trees, looking impatient, and then surprised, and then knowing. Jo had never wanted to punch the guy so much. And maybe a rock. And maybe herself.
Never let them see you sweat. Never admit you’re wrong or show you have an ounce of shame. She never had before, and damn if she was going to now. Working past the lingering unsteadiness, she rose and looked straight at the asshole before picking her way across the rocks to her discarded clothing. No one spoke, and any chill seeped from her bones, replaced by the heat of the air and the heat of pulling on her shorts and tank like this, while two men watched.
Behind her, Adam cleared his throat. “Um. Yeah. Just… we’d lost Jo, and—”
“Looks like you found her,” Jared said with a laugh.
Jo hated being laughed at.
Her feet were wet, but she didn’t care. She dried them off the best she could on her overshirt, then tugged on her socks and shoved her feet into her boots. By the time she looked back at him, Adam was standing next to Jared and not making eye contact. It made the pit of her stomach roll even worse than it had before.
“Shall we?” Jared asked.
Yeah, they certainly should. With a huff, she made to stalk off toward the path Jared had appeared from, but before she could get very far, a hand closed around her wrist. A familiar hand, broad and strong. One that had rescued her and that was still not letting her fall.
“Hey,” Adam said, holding on.
“What—”
He pulled, and she turned around to face him, feeling topsy-turvy. Off balanced and unsettled, her instincts screaming at her that it was time to walk away.
“Hey,” he repeated, and he smiled. It was a fragile thing, not his usual self-assured grin. It was more than that. It was the kind of smile she could nearly see to the bottom of, as deep as the sea and as warm as his eyes. “No more wandering off alone. Remember?”
She remembered how it felt, watching them all swim and play and feeling like if she did leave, nobody would notice.
For the first time in a very, very long while, it didn’t feel that way. Not anymore.
Not after he came for her and held her when she shook apart. Not when he refused to let her go.
Not when he was holding on still.
Beer in hand, Adam wound his way from the bar toward the giant table they’d finally gotten set up in a corner of the restaurant. A few of the others had already sat down, and he paused, looking back toward the bar. He thought about it for a moment. It was risky, but…
He nodded at Jared, but instead of taking his usual seat beside him, he headed for the other end of the table. Leaving a seat open between himself and Carol, he pulled out a chair and sank into it. Turning to the door again, he sought out Jo, catching her eye when she paused there. He tipped his head toward the space next to his in invitation.
He really didn’t expect her to take him up on it, and when he considered what he was doing, it was kind of a dick move. Jo usually sat as far away from everyone else as she could, and if she couldn’t, she ended up next to Carol. In his head, this had been about making her as comfortable as possible, but if she didn’t want to sit with him, he hadn’t exactly left her with a lot of good options.
Shit. Maybe he should move.
Only… she’d been sticking pretty close to him the last few hours. Ever since he’d stayed behind at the waterfall, after noticing she wasn’t with them anymore.
After she’d asked him for help and let him give it to her. Let him hold her, and pressed her mouth against his flesh, and God. He was really fucked now. If Jared hadn’t come along, he didn’t know what he would have done with that kind of opening, buzzing with adrenaline and pretending he wasn’t scared out of his mind, body humming and blood begging for it.
He might have taken it. And he didn’t know if that was right. Not when he was still all tangled up inside. Not when she went from inviting to distant in the space of a millisecond, at even the slightest hint of hesitance on his part. Not when his goal for the summer had been to avoid any additional complications.
Across the room from him, she paid for her drink and wrapped those pale, hard lips around the tip of her straw. His heart rate picked up just looking at them, and he shifted beneath the cover of the table as she strode their way. Her hips didn’t sway—nothing as obvious or seductive as that. Oh no, her gait was as steady as it ever was, only he knew what lay beneath those shapeless clothes now.
Purple panties edged in lace and ink that did indeed flow all the way down her spine to the small of her back, for all that he’d yet to get a good enough glimpse to see what it depicted. Soft, round breasts held tightly to her chest, and a trim waist, and strong, muscular legs that had gone on for miles beneath the water.
And all of them were headed toward him.
It was almost anticlimactic, the way she folded herself into the chair beside him with hardly a glance of acknowledgment, picking up her menu and burying her nose in it. He furrowed his brow and stared at her, waiting for her to say something, to do something.
Except… that was her knee, pressing against his under the table. A shot of electricity danced up his spine, and his throat bobbed. He still didn’t know how he felt or what to do, but this was only the latest in a series of advances. Every time he shied from one, she shut him down. Turned cold and hard and mean, and that wasn’t her. Not the real her. He was confident of that much now.
Jared called Adam’s name, and Adam turned to him, falling into conversation the way he always did. Like everything was normal between them. But where no one could see, he slipped his hand under the table and placed it, carefully but unmistakably, on her knee. He held his breath for what felt like the longest time. Then her hand settled over his with a quick, brief squeeze, and he exhaled in a rush. She wanted this. Wanted something.
So he spent the next hour torturing himself and testing his own patience. Tracing patterns on her skin.
Adam had been riding in P.J.’s SUV all day, so as they emptied out of the restaurant, that was the direction he headed. Only, Jo had ended up in a different car on the way over. She lingered for a moment on the sidewalk, as if uncertain which way to go, and somehow it seemed only natural now to brush his hand against hers and motion for her to come with him.
“There’s room,” he assured her.
There was. The middle seat in the back had been empty, and it would drive him crazy, but she could squeeze into that space, her whole side pressed up against him.
Carol shrugged, as if granting her permission. “More room for the rest of us in the van if you do.”
“Whatever.” Jo tugged her hand from his, but she headed toward P.J.’s car.
They clambered in, Jared in the front seat and Kim and Jo and Adam in the back. It was just the way he’d imagined it, Jo’s body up against his in the darkness, and he’d been too optimistic, thinking this would only make him crazy. She was all warmth and sharp angles and subtle curves, and he shifted, twisting around so he could drape his arm out over the back of the seat. Letting his hand hang casually, like he didn’t know his fingertips were dragging across her shoulder. She smelled like sunscreen and lavender and rum. She’d taste like sin, he thought. Wet and hot, and his patience with his own uncertainty was wearing thin.
Shannon—Shannon didn’t call him. Didn’t e-mail him or text him or want him, and he was tired of waiting for her to care as much as he did. As much as he used to. He didn’t know what Jo wanted him for. Maybe just a night, or a few nights. Maybe just for some comfort and company, but it would be something. He couldn’t deny it any longer.
He rubbed a little harder at her shoulder, pressing his thumb into the point of her collarbone. She didn’t pull away. This was going to be the longest ride home ever, but as he gave in to it, the anticipation melted into a steady, simmering buzz, one that made him feel loose and heavy in his bones.
One broken only by P.J. speaking his name.
He jerked his head up, pulling his gaze from where it had drifted—from the gather of Jo’s shirt between her breasts. P.J. had an eyebrow cocked as she tried to catch him in the rearview mirror.
“Huh?”
P.J. chuckled, and the knowing cast to it made his neck feel hot. “I said, the stores are probably still open. Do you want to stop and see if you can take care of your phone?”
His… phone. Right. How had he forgotten about his phone?
Without really thinking about it, he drew his arm back, draping it over his lap as he rubbed his other hand over his face. “Um. Yeah. Actually. That would be great.” He happened to have the shattered remains of the thing in his backpack anyway. He’d had them there for a week and a half, just in case he ever got around to reminding someone they’d promised to take him, but the moment had never seemed right.
He hadn’t been ready to find out what messages he’d missed. Or, more likely, what he hadn’t.
“If nobody else minds,” he added after a second’s thought.
“I’ve got nowhere else to be,” Jared said.
Jo and Kim both made indifferent noises, but Jo had curled into herself while they’d been talking. No more easy, barely conscious press of her knee against his leg. She wasn’t looking at him either, and her jaw had gone hard, and oh no. They weren’t doing that again.
The car started up, and Adam didn’t care if Kim or Jared or anyone could see. Eyes trained forward, breath tight, he reached out in the darkness and took her hand. She went to pull away, but he held on, intertwining their fingers and squeezing her palm, trying to say all the things he couldn’t right then. All the things he didn’t know how to put into words, about how she was beautiful and tough and interesting, and about how he wanted inside her walls. Under her clothes and inside her body and into her trust. Her mind.
But at the moment, his personal life was a mess.
His stomach was a knot as they pulled up in front of a big electronics store. Jo withdrew her hand as they got out, and once they were inside, she gestured toward the rear of the store before heading off.
“I’ll find you?” he called after her.
“If I don’t find you first.”
The others all wandered away, too, leaving Adam to go in search of the cell phone counter. Fortunately, the woman manning it spoke fluent English. She frowned at his declaration that he’d dropped it, but he had insurance on the thing, and with only a little bit of bitchface, she got to work on getting him another one.
In the meantime, he leaned against the glass and gazed around, trying not to think about what might or might not have come in while he’d been phoneless. He could have checked online if he’d really wanted to, but he hadn’t. There was no more putting it off now.
The lady was just handing him the new phone when Jo picked her way over to him, and the timing seemed a little too convenient. “So?” she asked, disinterested in tone, but the way she gazed off into the distance was pointed.
He braced his elbows against the counter and held the thing out to her with the boot-up screen displayed.
Mirroring his posture, she tapped the blunt, short tips of her nails against the glass. He wanted to reach out and still them. Wanted to pull that lip ring out from between her teeth with his mouth. Instead, he stared at the screen as it finished up its sequence. Searched for signal.
It buzzed in his hands, and he kept it angled so she could see as he scrolled through the list of texts he’d missed. There were a bunch from the first day or two, before everyone had gotten the message that he was e-mail-only for a little while. His brothers and his friends from school.
The last one was from just a couple of days ago, though.
“It’s from Shannon.”
“Is that her name?”
“Yeah.” Had he really not ever told her that? He tapped the message with his thumb.
Got the day off for when you’re in Baltimore. See you soon!
The day? He’d booked out the whole weekend just to see her. Delayed his flight and extended the hotel stay. He’d explained all this, sent her an e-mail with the details, and she was… He didn’t know what she was doing.
It was like she wasn’t listening to him. Like she hadn’t been for a while.
But someone else was listening, was hearing this all loud and clear. Jo edged away from him, twisting to put her back to the counter, cracking her knuckles in front of herself and not meeting his eyes.
“That’s great. That you’ll get to see her. Right?”
A few short weeks ago, he would’ve said yes. It was fantastic.
But he wasn’t so lonely for home anymore. Not so willing to take what he could get—at least not from Shannon.
“I don’t know,” he said.
Her voice was tight. “When do you leave?”
“Next week.”
Finally—finally—she looked at him, but her eyes were as guarded as they had been when they’d first started this… whatever it was. “Well, I guess we’ll find out then.”
