Текст книги "Queen of This Realm"
Автор книги: Jean Plaidy
Соавторы: Jean Plaidy
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“Yes,” I said quietly.
“Only those who have undergone such a trial could know what that means. Perhaps with some it is different. They can face the axe… and some worse. To do it for one's faith I suppose would be different. There was Anne Askew. You remember her.”
“Yes. She was burned to death.”
My stepmother covered her face with her hands. “She was a saint, Elizabeth. I am not made of the stuff martyrs are made of.”
“Perhaps none of us knows what stuff we are made of until we are called on to face the supreme test.”
“You are a wise child. That is why I talk to you. I want you to know before it becomes common knowledge. I want you to understand.” She had lowered her hands and was looking at me. Now her emotions had completely changed. No longer was she looking back; she was looking forward, and the radiance had returned to her face. “I could not wait any longer,” she went on. “I was afraid, Elizabeth, that happiness would once more be snatched from me. I had to seize it and … he said we must. We would marry and tell afterward.”
“Marry! You cannot mean…”
She was laughing now. She looked lovely for she was a beautiful woman, particularly now that the little signs of age which had begun to appear when she was looking after my father and had lived in fear of losing her life seemed to have been wiped from her face. She looked almost like a girl.
“Yes,” she said, “Thomas and I were married secretly.”
“Thomas!”
“Thomas Seymour, Lord Sudeley. He always loved me… all the time I was married to the King. And I loved him, but of course we dared not show it. I was entirely faithful to the King. But as soon as I was free… Elizabeth, do you know, he asked me a week after the King's death.”
A week after the King's death! It must have been when Thomas Seymour had my own letter refusing him!
I felt numbed by the shock.
Oh the wickedness, the perfidy of men!
IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE for them to keep their marriage secret and there was great indignation among the Council, none being more incensed than the bridegroom's brother, Somerset. The marriage was an insult to the late King, it was said. What right had the Queen to marry so soon? Did she hope to foist the son of Lord Sudeley on the country as an heir to the throne? That would be an act of treason.
However it was soon clear that my stepmother was not pregnant.
Thomas had been clever in getting the consent of the young King to his marriage. I could imagine that scene. My little brother, who was quite overwhelmed by his magnificent and charming uncle, would readily give his consent to anything he asked; and although the Council, headed by Somerset, was infuriated by the insolence of the Admiral and what they called the reckless behavior of the Dowager Queen, they could not inflict punishment for something to which the King himself had given his consent. However, they could make life as uncomfortable as possible for the newly married pair.
In the first place Queen Katharine's jewels were confiscated. They were the property of the Crown, said Somerset. Thomas would not accept that, and Katharine, who would follow him in all things, declared her intention of fighting to keep them. They were very valuable, and Thomas, I was beginning to understand—though perhaps in my heart I had always known it– was rather fond of possessions. The Duchess of Somerset—whom my stepmother called “that odious Anne Stanhope”—refused to carry the Queen's train at ceremonies, a duty she had performed when Katharine had become the Queen. She declared she would not accord the same homage to her husband's younger brother's wife.
This was the beginning of the great animosity between the brothers. At the root of this was Thomas's determination to marry the King to Jane Grey while the Somersets coveted the role of Queen of England for their daughter Jane.
There was strife then in the Seymour family itself. Thomas did not care. He was one of the most reckless men I ever knew in the whole of my life.
Now that the marriage was acknowledged it meant that Thomas Seymour joined our household. I guessed this would prove to be a matter of some embarrassment to me. How should I feel living under the same roof as a man who had asked me to marry him and within a few days had proposed to my stepmother?
“Only a blatant adventurer would have done such a thing,” I said to Kat. “There is your fine gentleman!”
Kat was bitterly disappointed, but still she could see no wrong in the Admiral. I told her she was a very stupid woman and I gave her a slap or two during those few days after I had received the news. It relieved my feelings. She had talked of him constantly; she had made me think of him and see him as the handsome hero of romance.
I called him “The Buccaneer of the Bedchamber,” which amused Kat.
I said: “After all he has done, after the way in which he has deceived my stepmother, you still talk about him as though he were a god.”
“There is no one like him at Court,” insisted Kat. “He is indeed a man.”
I wanted to be alone to think about him, yet I wished I could get him out of my thoughts, but I could not dismiss him as easily as I wished. If he had not been so good-looking, so commanding, so light-hearted and amusing, I could have hated him. But if I showed my fury that would indicate that I cared enough to be angry. I must not show my feelings. What effect that would have on a man such as he was, I could well imagine. He believed himself to be so attractive that whatever he did he could never be anything but irresistible.
Kat told me that Thomas Parry wanted to talk to me. Sir Thomas Parry and Kat were the best of friends, I think largely because they were both inveterate gossips. John Ashley was quite different, far more sober than either of them, and much cleverer. I often wondered why he had fallen in love with Kat, but perhaps it was because she was so different from himself.
Tom Parry looked rather sly; his lips were pressed together as though the words were ready to tumble out and he was trying to restrain them in order to savor the full effect they would have on me.
I said impatiently: “Come on, Thomas, what is it?”
“My lady, this news…it has been a shock to us all.”
A shock? Had it? I thought of the Admiral's nocturnal visits to the Palace. It must have been he whom Kat had seen skulking round to the back on that night. Forestalling his marriage, no doubt, the rogue.
“Come, Parry, you have not asked me to see you to tell me that.”
“He took the Queen, my lady. But I think he would rather it were the Princess.”
“What Princess?”
“My lady Elizabeth herself.”
“Stop talking of me as though I am not here. What is it you have to say? Say it quickly and stop hedging.”
“It was the day after the King's death, my lady. The Admiral came to me …” He hesitated.
“Came to you? For what purpose?”
“He wished for a detailed account of your possessions and felt I was the one to give it.”
“I see,” I said. “Why was I not told?”
“The Admiral made me swear secrecy, my lady.”
“Oh, I see. You serve him, do you? I thought you were my servant.”
“I am, my lady, with all my heart, but I thought it could only mean that he was seriously contemplating matrimony with you and that seemed a great and marvelous thing.”
“And you think my possessions satisfied him then?”
“He seemed as satisfied with them as he is with your person.”
“I suppose you and that gossip-monger Kat Ashley think I should feel honored to be so well endowed by my late father that I can attract the attention of the Admiral?”
“Kat Ashley and I agreed that he was as enamored of you as your possessions.”
“Master Parry, have you ever wondered what it would be like to occupy a cell in the Tower?”
“My lady!”
“Look to it,” I said. “You may discover one day. You should be more cautious and guard well your tongue. You are a simpleton, Tom Parry—and Kat Ashley with you.”
I went out for I could bear no more. He had weighed up my possessions, considered them worthy of his attention and then proposed marriage. When I had refused he had immediately gone to the next on the list.
Was that not enough to infuriate any woman particularly when—it had better be confessed—she had quite a fancy for the handsome philandering rogue?
I could see that I had betrayed my feelings too much. I had not yet mastered the trick of hiding them. Parry had gone straight to Kat and I was sure he would tell her that I was angry because of the marriage and had secretly wanted Thomas Seymour for myself.
They were a pair of scandalmongers and I was often exasperated with them both. But they so obviously loved me, and I believe I was more important to them than anyone else; and for that reason I could never be annoyed with them for long. Sometimes I trembled for their lack of wisdom. How right I was soon became clear.
MY SISTER MARY wrote to me asking if I would like to leave the household of the Dowager Queen and Thomas Seymour for she was sure that to live with those who had conducted such a misalliance would be distasteful to me.
Mary was at Wanstead whither she had come from Norfolk. She was seventeen years older than I and therefore must be much wiser. She was, however, a very firm upholder of the Catholic Faith, and her desire to see it again established in England clouded her judgment and from time to time put her in considerable danger. I knew that she was horrified by the attitude of the Council toward religion for now they were mainly supporters of the Reformed Faith she considered anathema. Edward himself had always inclined strongly toward it, so I could see that I must on no account set myself beside her, for if there was later to be a choice of religion I must be free to take whichever course would help me best. I had long decided that preoccupation with the method of worshipping was not so important as faith itself and I did not intend to become involved in it or committed to any doctrine to my detriment.
I knew Mary well enough to understand that she would want the throne, not for her own aggrandizement, but for the opportunity of bringing England back to Rome. I could see great dangers for the realm in that determination, but I knew that devout Catholics—among them men like Gardiner—would agree wholeheartedly with Mary.
Thomas Seymour had written to my stepsister asking her to give her blessing on his marriage to Katharine Parr and Mary was very angry. He had written as though the marriage had not taken place, but she knew very well that the Queen was already his wife for she had her spies to keep her informed. She considered the marriage outrageous—in fact almost criminal because our father was so recently dead. How could Katharine have so quickly forgotten her husband? she would ask. I could understand Katharine's need. I had seen her terror under my father's rule and I knew of the irresistible—or almost—wiles of the Admiral. Perhaps I was more worldly than my sister even though she was seventeen years older. Perhaps I understood our stepmother's desire for marriage as Mary never could.
She had extended this invitation to me. I was so young, she wrote. It was wicked to submit me to such an embarrassing and unfortunate situation. I could come and stay with her for as long as I wished.
Life with Mary, my pious sister! I imagined it. Prayers! Morning, mid-day, afternoon and evening… and no doubt in between! “My dear sister, I am going to instruct you in the ways of truth …” I was fond of Mary in some ways. She had been remarkably kind to me despite my mother's displacement of her own. Oh, but I could not bear to be in her household. Whereas here I was at Chelsea with the stepmother to whom I was devoted, with my tutors, with this pleasant easy-going household… and the Admiral. If I were honest I must admit that I was looking forward to some encounters with that plausible and fascinating man.
But I must not offend Mary and I should have to pen my refusal very carefully. Mary could easily be Queen for I had heard secretly that the King's health was certainly not improving since he had come to the throne. Mary Queen…a Catholic country again! I must indeed tread very warily. But on one point I had made up my mind. I was not going to leave the exciting place Chelsea had become.
I wrote several drafts. Words were so important, and the wrong ones could wreak irretrievable damage. I began by deploring the marriage. It was as abhorrent to me as it was to her, but I did feel that my sudden departure from Chelsea might create a difficult situation. There was a powerful party guiding the King, and the Protector was a Seymour. My position was not very safe, nor, I reminded her, was hers. We had to walk very carefully in these dangerous times. Moreover our royal father had appointed Katharine Parr as my guardian and to leave her would be going against his expressed wish. I knew my good sister would understand my feelings and much as I should enjoy being with her, I felt that my place was in the household of my stepmother—in spite of this unfortunate marriage.
I was rather pleased with that. It was my first real lesson in diplomacy.
I was looking forward with great excitement to the future.
SOON AFTER MY fourteenth birthday the household moved to Hunsdon. I was really finding life very stimulating. Learning was always a great pleasure to me and I spent a lot of time with my books, but there was a certain time for frolicking; and it was really a most unusual household because Thomas Seymour was part of it.
I was amazed at first to find that I could forgive him for his mercenary actions and for going at once to my stepmother when I had refused him. After all, I reasoned, he had asked me first. That, said my wiser self, was because you had the hope of a crown. You are not without means either.
No. But Katharine was richer, and he still asked me first, retorted the foolish romantic part of me.
I felt impatient with myself. That was Kat Ashley's reasoning.
The truth was that Thomas was an adventurer, a lovable, charming man but an adventurer. He watched me closely and sought opportunities for being with me. When he could, he would come upon me alone. That was what he liked best. He would touch my hair and comment on its brightness; sometimes his hand strayed to my throat. He was always ready to seize opportunities and I knew that if ever I gave him one he would take it with both hands. He wooed me in a way with his eyes and his gestures; and even when my stepmother was present he would keep up a bantering conversation—in which she would join—and I wondered why she could not see what his intentions were. He flirted blatantly with me and then he would pretend that I was only a child and that was why he behaved as he did; and she seemed to take that for truth. Fourteen is not too young for a girl to take a lover. That was what he wanted, I knew. That was his intention all the time.
Kat noticed it and giggled about it. She made whispered conspiratorial comments when we were alone. I really do believe that if I had been agreeable she would have helped me make clandestine arrangements with him. Kat wanted excitement all the time and she never gave any heed to what the consequences might be. As for myself I must admit that I was enjoying these situations. It occurred to me that it could not have been better. I did not want to marry and place myself in danger and possibly jeopardize my chances of taking the crown. What I wanted was to have all the fun of courtship without coming to the usual climax. In fact I wanted to be in a constant state of being wooed, and never won.
And this was what life was offering me.
Thomas enjoyed it too, for marriage was quite out of the question. Wasn't he married already? Unable to get the Princess, he had taken the Queen. He was enamored of me. There was no doubt of that. I supposed there must be some fascination in seducing a royal virgin for a man who has become blasé in his amours. He was always teasing me and he would make Katharine join in and she seemed to think it was delightful that her husband should be so fond of me. I was like a daughter, she said. In fact she had always thought of herself as my mother rather than my stepmother.
And so we went on during the autumn days of that year which had begun with the death of my father.
Jane Grey had become part of our household. She joined me in the schoolroom. I was not really jealous of her scholastic attainments. Mine were more than enough for any tutor to marvel at and Jane was inclined to hide her light under a bushel while I let mine blaze forth like the midday sun. It was true. Jane was quiet and retiring, almost apologizing for her very existence; whereas I was growing more imperious every day, blossoming under Thomas Seymour's admiration.
I was a little annoyed when he showed too much attention to Jane. He never actually flirted with her. Thomas was too clever for that. Jane might not have understood his meaning but she would have been horrified if she did. It seemed to me that Thomas showed a different side of himself to us all. He was the loving and tender husband to Katharine; he was benignly avuncular with Jane; and to me he was the reckless adventurer who was ready to risk everything for a smile—and more if he could get it—from me.
I laughed at him. I was very contented. I had become wise enough to know that this was the best way of enjoying his company.
Kat knew exactly why he wanted Jane Grey under our roof.
“She is destined for our little King,” she said. “Thomas will get his revenge on his brother who is putting forward his own daughter Jane. But it is our Thomas who has the King's ear and I'll swear King Edward will go the way Uncle Thomas wants him to.”
“He is a very scheming man,” I said severely.
“Bless him. Let him be. He's the most handsome gentleman at Court…or at any court, I might say. He is charming to all, and men like that should be forgiven their sins.”
Such a state of affairs could not continue. I should have known that. The Admiral was growing more and more reckless and I was becoming more and more fascinated. It surprised me that, loving my stepmother as I did, I could have indulged, to the extent I did, in this covert if innocent relationship with her husband; but his admiration was so stimulating and our teasing meetings gave a spice to my days. Moreover there was Kat to giggle with. She made up fantastic and titillating stories about the Admiral and myself, and I would lie in my bed and listen to them while we laughed together. I knew that I was in a dangerous situation, but life would have lost its savor if that danger had been entirely removed.
I was growing out of childhood. Less than a year ago I had not thought of the possibility of wearing a crown; and in addition the most fascinating man at Court was enamored of me. I was after all only just fourteen, so I have the excuse of youth to offer.
We were approaching a climax. Perhaps it began on that day when I had my new dress. It was a black velvet which Kat said was a little old for my years. But I adored it. It made my white skin look whiter and it seemed to set my hair on fire by its very contrast. It was low-cut and I looked at least two years older in it. I longed to see Thomas's face when he beheld me in it. The dress was a kind of challenge. You can't pretend I'm a child anymore, it said.
I tried it on one afternoon and preened before Kat.
“You look like a queen already,” was her comment. “My word, you're going to be a haughty one. We shall all have to look to our heads when the great day comes.”
“Stop your nonsense, Kat,” I commanded.
At which she fell onto her knees and in mocking fashion raised her eyes imploringly to my face. I burst out laughing. “Kat, you are the most foolish woman I ever knew.”
“Fools are often loved more than the wise,” she replied. “Perhaps that is why my mistress loves me. But I love her even more dearly and we all know she is the wisest creature in all Christendom.”
“Get up, idiot,” I said, “and tell me whether my skirt hangs correctly.”
She scrambled to her feet and arranged the folds of my dress with loving care.
“You look wonderful,” she whispered. “But not my little girl anymore. Why, see who has come into the garden. My lord and lady. He is looking at her most tenderly. See how she leans on his arm.”
I looked with Kat. There they were walking together, looking loverlike, his arm through hers. He was saying something and she was smiling up at him. He looked as magnificent as ever.
“The peacock!” said Kat indulgently. “Look at his jewels! Those rubies must have cost a fortune. The dear Queen looks drab beside him, does she not? The peahen to his peacock.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Are you going down to show them your gown?”
That was just what I was planning to do. I turned to Kat and we laughed together.
“Let us see what the naughty man has to say of your gown,” said Kat.
I did not need to be persuaded.
When he saw me approaching, the Admiral bowed ironically and my stepmother smiled at me.
“What has happened to the Lady Elizabeth?” said Thomas in a voice of wonder. “Do you see what she is wearing, Katharine? Do you allow your stepdaughter to dress up as a lady of mature years while she is yet a child?”
“Pray do not talk nonsense,” I said. “I am past fourteen.”
“Oh, is that so?” said Thomas, opening his eyes very wide. “I don't like the dress, do you, Katharine? Do you think it is a little er…revealing?”
Katharine said: “It is very becoming, Elizabeth. It does make you look older though. Thomas really likes it. He is only teasing.”
Only teasing! He came close to me and would have laid his hands on me, but I eluded him and went to my stepmother. I was suddenly a little frightened. There was a purpose in his eyes which alarmed me. Their brilliance was disconcerting; he put out his tongue a little and licked his lips. His eyes seemed to burn right through me.
“I wanted to know how you liked my gown,” I said, looking intently at my stepmother. “Kat, like you, thought it was becoming but a little too old for me.”
“I suppose she is right, dear,” agreed my stepmother. “But you have to grow up one day, don't you? Pray do not do so too quickly.”
“It is no use pleading with the Lady Elizabeth,” said Thomas. “She will have her own way, and if she says she will grow up quickly, she will endeavor to do so, unless…”
I regarded him coolly but my heart began to hammer against my bodice and I wondered if he noticed.
“Unless what, my lord?” I challenged.
He came close to me… There was a look of such intense desire in his gleaming eyes that I thought my stepmother must surely be aware of it. “Unless,” he said, “we stop her.”
I held my head high. I was enjoying this. I had rarely felt so excited and because my stepmother was present I felt safe.
“Pray do not attempt to do that,” I said.
Then he did an extraordinary thing. He took the jeweled dagger from his belt and, holding it up, pointed it toward me.
“Thomas!” cried my stepmother in amazement.
“This child must be taught a lesson. What say you, Katharine. Shall we allow her to command us, eh?”
I moved close to my stepmother. He approached and picking up my voluminous skirt he slit it from hem to waist.
There was a silence which seemed to go on for a long time. My stepmother and I were too astonished to move. Then I heard him laugh and he went on cutting my skirt. Then his hands were on the bodice. If he had attempted to cut that, he might have cut me. I felt his hands tugging at it and then it was torn down the front and it fell away from my shoulders. I was exposed in my petticoats.
“Help me, Katharine,” he said. “We will show this wayward daughter of ours. I am going to cut this gown into ribbons and nothing will stop me.”
The Queen was laughing. She said: “Oh Thomas, you take your games too far.”
“Come, Katharine, hold her,” he commanded.
She put her arms about me holding me tightly and I allowed myself to stand still while he finished his work on the dress. An irresistible excitement possessed me.
“You…you…” I panted. “You have ruined my dress!”
“And shown you what I feel,” he said. “We have done that, haven't we, Katharine?”
“You are such a boy, Thomas,” she said.
“You have ruined my dress,” I repeated in mock anger. “You will have to pay for a new one.”
“Most willingly and I will make sure that it is of my liking.”
I think my stepmother must have become aware of watching eyes from the window.
“Elizabeth,” she said, “you are half naked. You had better go in at once. What will they think?”
“They will think that I am a man who will have his way,” said Thomas, and I am ashamed to say that the ambiguity of his words was thrilling to me.
“Not with me,” I said; then realizing that my stepmother was right and I could not remain in the gardens thus, I turned away and ran across the lawns into the Palace.
Kat was waiting for me, agog with excitement. She had, of course, seen it all.
SOON AFTER THAT INCIDENT my stepmother told me that she was expecting a child. She was so happy but I felt a great pity for her as well as the tenderness she always aroused in me. I could not help wondering whether she was aware of the manner of man she had married. She did not appear to be, and it struck me that she deliberately closed her eyes to his true character. What did she think of his flirtation with me? She called it “teasing” as though it was the kind of behavior which was natural between an indulgent parent and a stepdaughter of whom he was fond. How could she have been so blind?
That disgraceful scene in the garden was the beginning of the change in our relationship. It was almost as though he was telling me that he had finished with the preliminary stages, the foreplay, of his courtship of me. He was clever; he knew that I was aware of his intentions and he also knew that my feelings for him were far from indifferent.
We were in a highly dangerous situation. If he reached the climax toward which he was moving, he would do more than endanger his marriage, he could commit a crime against the State. I was no longer merely the bastard daughter of the King. Under the late King's will, I was in line to the throne if anything happened to Edward, and if Thomas carried out his intention, which was surely seduction, that could be treason and he could lose his head. Did he know this? Of course he did, but danger was the breath of life to him. He was reckless by nature, ambitious and confident. What was he thinking of, besides seducing me? I was not so simple as to believe his plans did not go beyond that. To marry me? To share a throne with me? But he had a wife. Wives could be removed. I sometimes wished I did not possess such a logical mind.
What amazed me about myself was that knowing this … being fully aware of the ruthless ambition of this man, I could still be fascinated by him and want him to go on pursuing me.
I used to lie in my bed sometimes and think of him under the same roof.
Kat Ashley slept in my bedroom. I was glad of that, for much as I enjoyed these amorous skirmishes with him, I did not share his desire to bring them to the usual conclusion. I would preserve my virginity until I was absolutely certain that to relinquish it would not impede my climb to power. Therefore I needed protection from assault, and if I could be sure of that, I was very happy to continue with the game.
One early morning I was awakened by the sound of stealthy footsteps and the door of my bedchamber was slowly opened. Thomas! I thought and looked for Kat who was not there. She must be with my other ladies as it was nearly time for me to rise. I thought of running to the adjoining chamber but it was too late.
The bedcurtains had parted and Thomas stood there in his nightgown and slippers. He was smiling down at me. I gasped and sitting up pulled the bedclothes up to my chin.
“My lord,” I cried. “How dare you!”
“There is nothing I would not dare for the Lady Elizabeth,” he said.
“Go away. My ladies will see you.”
“They will see a fond stepfather coming in to say good-morning to his little stepdaughter.”
“Surely it is customary to dress in a fitting fashion before doing so.”
“Are you and I concerned with what is fitting, my adorable red-headed Elizabeth?”
“Go at once. I will not tolerate such…”
“Loving attention,” he finished. “And how will you stop me? Don't you think you have played your reluctant game long enough?”
“I do not understand you, my lord.”
“Then I will enlighten you.” And with that he leaped onto my bed and grasped me in his arms. He kissed me full on the lips in a manner which bewildered me, and I felt I ought to scream for help and yet…I did not want to. On the other hand I was afraid because I had no intention of letting any man dominate me.
“Thomas!” The door had opened and my stepmother stood there.
Thomas was in complete command of the situation, and it occurred to me then that he must have had practice in extricating himself from similar predicaments.
He turned to smile at her. “Look at this child, Katharine. She is in an ill temper this morning and refused to say good-morning politely to her stepfather. I looked in to say it and she glares at me and spits like a wild cat. What shall we do to punish her? Come, Katharine, help me.”
With which he began to tickle me until I screamed for mercy, but I knew I was safe because of my stepmother's presence. He insisted that she join with him which she did and we were all laughing together until we were exhausted.
“Really, Thomas,” said my stepmother. “You behave like a schoolboy.”
He tried to look suitably boyish, and it was only when his eyes met mine that I saw the familiar gleam in them. It was the gleam of passion, not contrition for his behavior.
How long could it go on? I asked myself. Why did my stepmother not see it? But perhaps she did and deceived herself. People were like that. They did refuse to see what they did not want to.
KAT SAID TO ME: “Mr Ashley is most disturbed.”
“And why?” I asked.
“He says the Admiral's conduct toward you is unseemly.”
“And what did you say to that?”
