Текст книги "Seeing Stars"

Автор книги: J. Sterling

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 9 страниц)

But the winds of change carried her away

Forever in my heart

That girl and I will never be far apart

But until we meet again

I’ll keep searching for her and then

My world will fall back into place

A moment in time I can never erase

It happened just like I feared

She went and disappeared

Disappeared

How do you go on when your love has

Disappeared

“I love that song the most,” I admitted.

His eyes met mine. “Which one?”

“‘Disappeared.’ It’s always been my favorite.”

His eyebrows rose and he laughed. “Well, it’s about you, so I guess that’s fitting. You never had any idea that the songs were about you?”

Teasingly, I slapped at his shoulder. “Walker! How could I ever think that? I didn’t even know who you were!”

Calling him Walker set me back for a moment. I’d gotten used to calling him that, but seeing him now, he was Scotty and he was Walker, all wrapped up in one delicious package. I would always have the memories of Scotty, but it was the man, Walker, that I was so incredibly attracted to, now that I could see him clearly for who he really was.

He shook his head at me. “But the lyrics, Madison, they’re so obvious. They’re filled with memories that only you and I shared. You never thought? Not even in the back of your mind?”

I shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I’ve always loved your music. But I never once thought that any of the songs were about me. Especially not with your reputation.”

He snorted. “I really need to clear up this whole bad-boy persona bit.”

I leaned over and smiled as I grabbed his hand. “I couldn’t agree with you more.”

“You’ll help, right?” He tugged at my hand. “Say you’ll be in every paparazzi photograph with me from here on out. Anytime I’m with a girl, it will be you.”

I coughed and raised an eyebrow. So many things were happening at such a rushed pace. I longed to scream that I’d never leave his side again—that he could superglue us together for all I cared—but that thought alone scared the hell out of me. My lustful feelings for him terrified the logical side of me. The whole situation was surreal, and my head refused to wrap itself around the intensity that my heart pumped out. Was there a way to get both sides of me on the same page?

A thousand fears suddenly seemed at home inside my already flustered body. It was too much at once. Being here with him in this café, making plans for the future and thinking about the past; I thought I might lose it.

“Walker. I need to get out of here.”

“Let’s go.” He bumped his knees against the table and shot to his feet.

“I meant that I need to get out of here. Alone,” I said as my body stayed still in the booth.

“Alone?” Panic flashed across his face and my stomach dropped.

“Just let me process all of this, okay? My life has turned completely inside out in the last twenty-four hours, and I just need…” I shook my head. “I just need some time.”

“Away from me?” he asked. “I just fucking found you and you want to get rid of me already?”

“I’m not trying to get rid of you.”

Not really.

He reached for my hand before pulling us through the empty restaurant to the hostess stand. “Sorry,” he told her, “but we’re not staying. Can you let our waitress know?”

The hostess, clearly still flustered, smiled and nodded as she stared at Walker wide-eyed as he pushed the doors open and strode across the parking lot to my car.

“Don’t do this, Madison. Don’t push me away.”

I turned toward him and winced at seeing the pain so clearly etched between his furrowed brows. “Walker, please. I just need to be alone.” I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palms against them.

Warm arms wrapped around me and I shook my head, my eyes still covered.

“Look at me,” he said, his tone soft and pleading.

I lowered my hands slowly and opened my eyes to watch his face as he struggled to find the words. Seeing the emotions that battled behind his eyes, I tried to pull away from his grip, but he only held me tighter.

“I don’t want you to go,” he admitted between labored breaths.

I sighed. “I know you don’t. But this is something I need to do. For me. I just need some time. Th-this”—I struggled to find my voice as well—“this is a lot for me to go through in one afternoon.”

He released me and paced in the small space between our cars, walking back and forth with his head in his hands. I watched him and waited. My need for space wasn’t meant to hurt or confuse him, but I needed to figure things out. He’d had more than ten minutes to process seeing me, knowing who I was and putting all that information together. I needed the same courtesy.

In the span of a few hours I’d quit my job, and then found out that Walker Rhodes was Scotty, the first boy I’d ever loved. I was abruptly unemployed, thrust into past memories that haunted me, and I wasn’t sure which freaked me out more.

Walker stopped pacing and leaned his body next to mine, our shoulders touching. The feeling I experienced at his closeness underscored the complete conflict of my emotions—how I wanted his hands all over me, yet at the same time needed to be as far away from them as possible. My heart stitched itself back together in his presence, as my head fell apart in jigsaw-puzzle pieces. How could two instincts inside one body be at such complete odds with each other?

The silence lingering between us virtually strangled me and I didn’t know what else to say to him. Finally he said, “I can’t lose you again,” and I almost took back every word I had spoken in the last few minutes.

Almost.

“Walker,” I said, turning my body so I could face him. I wanted to reassure him that everything would be okay, but I didn’t want to lie. My internal conflict raged within me and I simply needed space. “I’m gonna go.”

I pushed past him and opened the door to my car. He stepped aside to allow me through, and when I looked up into his eyes, I winced at the pain I saw there. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” he asked through gritted teeth, as though I’d told him I’d call him next year. “No. Call me later. Call me tonight. I’ll be a fucking wreck.”

I chewed on my bottom lip before shaking my head and repeating, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

As I stepped on the gas to pull away, he didn’t try to stop me and I didn’t try to stay.

Driving away from Walker had been more difficult than I anticipated, but it needed to be done. I craved the peace and tranquility of my condo, and I desperately wanted to talk to Keri. This was too much to deal with alone. I needed my girlfriend. Walker and I hadn’t even touched on the fact that I’d lost my job earlier. My head was swimming with fears…fear for my professional life, and suddenly fears for my personal life as well.

When I finally pulled into my spot at the condo, I was reminded that the paparazzi had me on their radar as a few men loitered around the street, jumping out of their cars the second I arrived. Determined, I gathered my things and shook my head as I walked through them, refusing to look in their direction when they screamed my name and shouted stupid questions.

I had never realized before how hard it was not to look at someone when they call you by name. It’s like an ingrained response to at least make eye contact or acknowledge that you heard them. Keeping my head down, I unlocked the door and closed it tight behind me before heading out the back toward the far stairwell. Without Walker there to block me, I had no desire to be filmed as I waited for the elevator.

My phone beeped and I glanced down at it. The text message was from Walker:

If you call me tonight instead of tomorrow, I won’t hold it against you. You can even call me now. I promise I won’t mind.

Unlocking the front door with a sigh, I stepped inside and pressed my back against it, sliding all the way down to the floor. Instead of focusing on everything I’d learned about Walker today and his latest text message, I forced my mind to deal with the fact that I’d quit my job and had very little money in savings. I knew I’d be able to get by for at least a few months, but I needed to get a new job as soon as possible. And in this town, it wasn’t going to be easy.

Competition for everything here was fierce; especially in the entertainment industry. Feeling like I had royally fucked myself, I pushed up from the floor and headed into my bedroom, typing a text message to Keri on my way.

Please tell me you aren’t working late. I need you.

I wasn’t sure what else to say without freaking her out or losing it myself, so I kept it short and simple. She would assume I was still at the office as well. But I wasn’t. Because I quit my job today, called my boss names, and walked out the door. My phone chirped and I looked down.

Is everything OK? Will be home at normal time. I’ll bring food.

Thank God. The mere mention of food sent my stomach growling. I needed a distraction. Something to keep me occupied until Keri walked through the door, otherwise I might go insane. Heading into the bathroom, I turned on the water and ran a hot bath. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d soaked in the tub, but I needed to relax.

Turned out that taking a bath had been the perfect escape. My mind slowed as I let the warm water surround and soothe me. Before I knew it, Keri scared the crap out of me by barging through the front door yelling for me.

“I’m here! Where are you?”

Water splashed all around as I jumped up and pulled the plug free of the drain. Over the gurgling sound of water being sucked away, I yelled, “I’m in the bathroom. Be out in a sec!”

Wrapping the towel around me, I scooted from the bathroom to my bedroom so I could get into comfortable clothes. A pair of yoga pants and sweatshirt later, I waltzed into the living room where the smell of food invaded my senses.

“I’m starving. Thank you so much for getting dinner.” I looked down at the pizza, the order of chicken wings, salad, and garlic knots. “Uh, did you think you were feeding an army? You know just the two of us live here, right?”

Keri looked over at me with a wary look. I rarely texted her asking when she’d be home, and it was even more rare for me to tell her I needed her.

“I didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for,” she said, “so I sort of got a little of everything. I can eat it all myself, though, if you wanna bitch about it?”

I smiled. “First of all, I’d pay a hundred bucks to see you eat all this food yourself. Second, thank you. The pizza looks perfect. I need some comfort food.”

She looked at me with disapproval. “Only you would consider pizza comfort food.”

I laughed. “More like me and the rest of America. What the heck do you consider comfort food?”

“Grilled cheese, soup, macaroni and cheese,” she rattled out off the top of her head.

“And pizza,” I added.

After grabbing a slice of pizza, Keri scooped some salad onto her plate and moved toward the couch where I had just sat last night with Walker. “Get over here and tell me what’s going on.”

I reached for two slices of the greasy, cheesy goodness, grabbed a diet soda from the fridge, and sat next to her on the couch. Wondering where I should start first, I decided to drop the bomb about my quitting. I’d get to Walker later.

“I quit my job today.”

She half choked on her food. “You what? Why? What happened?” Before I could respond, she asked, “Oh gosh, what did that asshole do? Does it have to do with Walker? It does, doesn’t it? Everything he did to you is so illegal and he knows it. He’s not an idiot. Ah, this business makes me crazy sometimes!”

“Are you finished?” I asked between bites.

She eyed the ceiling like she was contemplating saying more, then shrugged. “For now.”

After I gave Keri a play-by-play of what happened with Jayson this morning, she raised her hand in the air for a high-five and I slapped it, feeling empowered. “You’re my fucking hero!”

I laughed and it felt good. “Well, I don’t feel like a hero. I mean, I know that what I did was the right thing to do for me. But now I’m jobless, so I feel more like an unemployed schmuck than anything else.”

“Being unemployed is a minor detail,” she said as she waved off my objections.

“Minor detail? You know how hard it was for me to even get that job without having strings pulled. How am I going to get another? It’s tough out there!”

“You can come work for my dad.”

“No, thank you. Maybe as a last resort.” I loved that she was this thoughtful, but I had no interest working in the movie industry. Working with the talent and negotiating on their behalf was definitely the side of the business I wanted to be on.

“Bitch,” she snapped out with a half laugh.

“You know production isn’t my thing. It’s your thing. But thank you.”

“Okay, but the offer still stands. Not that you’ll need it. I have complete faith in your abilities.”

“In my abilities to tell my boss off and blacklist myself from every agency within a fifty-mile radius?” I took another bite of my idea of comfort food and swallowed.

“Not happening.” She leaned forward and shook her head. “Oh my God! Wait! How am I forgetting about last night? Girl, you need to tell me all about your date with Walker and how the hell the two of you ended up here!”

I smiled and a quick laugh escaped from within me at her enthusiasm. My brain didn’t miss the way my heart sped up at the mention of his name, either. “I don’t even know where to start with that one.”

“There can’t be that much to tell. It was only last night.” She reached for her drink and took a swig before tilting her head at me with a glimmer in her eye. “What aren’t you telling me?”

My back sank into the cushions of the couch until I could squish myself against it no more. I sighed. “Last night was a disaster. I was a total bitch at dinner, and I let it slip that I was only there because Jayson wanted him to sign with our agency.”

“Madison in bitch mode is quite entertaining. I like it,” Keri said with a knowing grin.

“So he told me to leave. Straight up pointed and everything, and told me to leave the restaurant.”

Her hand flew over her gaping mouth. “Shut up.”

“Seriously. It was so embarrassing. I walked outside and the paparazzi fucking swarmed me. They were yelling my name and asking my about my job and it was madness.”

“How’d they even—” She stopped mid-thought. “Jayson told them.”

I nodded before continuing. “Walker rushed out after me, hopped in my car, and refused to leave. He told me he wanted to talk to me. We had nowhere to go and that’s how we ended up here.”

“He wanted to talk to you? Talk to you about what? And he wouldn’t get out of your car? I think I love this guy.” She laughed, clearly having a great time at my expense.

“Let me finish.”

She scowled at me and muttered, “Then finish.”

Swallowing another gulp of soda, I placed the can between my legs and buried my head in my hands. “Okay,” I started, looking up at my clueless friend. “So whatever, we’re here last night. It’s fine. We had a great time. He kissed me, blah blah. Let’s just fast forward to today.”

“He kissed you?” Keri’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. “I want to hear about that!”

“Hold on!” I shouted back at her. “So after I quit, I called Walker from the parking garage.”

“Wait! You called Walker first?” Her hand smacked down on the arm of the couch, sending dust particles into the air. “He was the first person you called?”

The realization of her statement hit me like a weighted gym bag. “Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged as I tried to slough it off. “Anyway, Keri, just listen.” She folded her arms across her chest as I tried to navigate my words carefully. “So he asks me to meet him at this café. And it’s like the one place in Malibu I never go because it reminds me of the guy I met that one summer.”

“Oh, your Malibu guy, right?” Keri brought it up so naturally, as if this were a subject we discussed on a daily basis. I think we talked about it one time, but Keri had a memory like an elephant. She remembered everything.

I fast-forwarded to the point where I got to the café. Keri’s face was a mixture of confusion and excitement as she listened to me spill the details of my afternoon, which felt like it happened eons ago instead of mere hours.

“So I step out of the car and we’re talking and he can’t take it anymore. He confesses to me who he is. And then I feel like such a fucking idiot for not ever seeing it before because really, Keri? Even though he doesn’t look the same”—I paused for affect—“he still totally looks the same!”

“You’re not saying…” Keri scrunched up her face, and then the light bulb came on. “Oh my God, you’re not saying… Walker’s n-not,” she stuttered, then her eyes got huge. “He’s your surfer summer love guy?”

“How insane is that? I mean, this kind of thing just… Does. Not. Happen,” I said, my head still trying to comprehend the events and correlate them with my life now.

“But his name wasn’t Walker? I mean, even you would remember a name like that.”

“I guess Walker’s his middle name. When I met him that summer, he went by Scotty.”

“That’s right! Scotty the surfer!” She smiled, clearly remembering more of my story. “So you didn’t recognize him at all? Ever? Nothing about him has ever struck you as familiar? I know how bad you are with faces, but really?” Poor Keri looked like her head was spinning with a million questions that I’d already asked myself earlier.

“The only thing about him that was familiar were his eyes, but I thought I just recognized them because of his being a celebrity. And of course, now I feel like I should have always known because even though he’s changed so much since then, he’s still totally him. You know?”

She shook her head. “I want to yell at you because we’ve seen him so many times online and on TV, but I’m also the girl who has to remind you where we know people from everywhere we go. You really, really suck at faces. But Walker Rhodes? How do you forget that face, no matter how much you suck at remembering people?”

It was so frustrating, having to defend myself when she knew how horrible I was with faces. “It was over ten years ago, and we were just kids. He looked totally different then. Keri, he was just a boy, but now he’s a grown-ass man. A really hot, grown-ass man.”

Keri jumped up from the couch and started pacing in small circles. “Madison. You do realize how amazing this is, don’t you? This is the kind of thing they write movies about. I’m going to write a movie about this. Yeah. Maybe I’ll become a screenwriter and your story will be the first one I write.”

“Keri!” I practically screeched.

“Don’t worry, I’m kidding. Kind of,” she said as she scrunched up her face while she thought. “It’s not a horrible idea. You’d know the writer, so the story would be incredibly flattering on your behalf.”

“Oh my gosh, shut up!”

Her pacing continued and I swore I could see the wheels turning in her mind. “So, did he know? That night at the concert, when he pulled you onstage?”

I nodded. “He said he recognized me right away.”

“This all makes so much sense. I mean, the way he’s been acting. The way he was with you at his concert. All of it.” Keri sat back down on the couch, her hands folded in her lap. “So, how do you feel?”

I sucked in a breath and tried to stop the smile from forming on my lips. “I can’t believe it’s him. I can’t believe he recognized me. When I think about him, I feel like he’s always been a part of me. You know?”

A smile spread across her face. “I don’t think we ever get over our first loves completely. We move on, of course, but I think a part of them is always with us.”

“I think if you would have asked me that question a few days ago, my answer would have been completely different. I would have told you I was fine, and that he rarely, if ever, crossed my mind.”

“And now?”

“I can’t imagine ever not being with him again.” The words slipped out before my mind had the sense to stop them. “But that’s crazy, right?”

“It is.” Keri reached out a hand and placed it on my knee. “But it kind of isn’t. You two have a past that bonds you. No one can tell you how to feel about it.”

“It’s so weird, though. Seeing him and realizing who he is…there is just this immediate comfort and trust. I know there’s a lot we don’t know about each other anymore, and I’m sure we’ve both changed, but when I look at him, all I see is the boy I fell in love with at the beach all those years ago.” I wiped at the lone tear that fell from my eye.

“I get that,” Keri said as she nodded. “This is a stupid example, but it’s like when I go to a club and I happen to run into someone that I knew from high school. Sometimes I want to be around that person because it feels like I’ve known them forever. And there’s this connection there that this person knows me differently than anyone else in the room does.”

“Even if that’s not entirely true?” I asked, for her sake as much as my own.

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just more of a feeling of familiarity and comfort.”

“So then, what if all I’m feeling is exactly that and it’s not real? What if I’m just feeling lost in the moment, or all caught up in the sweetness of our innocent past?”

Keri moved her hand and smacked my knee. “Is that what you really think it is?”

I looked away. “Not really.”

“Thank God, ’cause I didn’t want to have to punch you. Stop being dumb and call the guy. Or better yet, invite him over so I can make an ass of myself again.”

Chuckling, I smiled at her. “I told him I’d call him tomorrow.”

“Well, is that him who keeps blowing up your phone?” She looked pointedly at my phone, referring to the few times it had lit up during our conversation.

I reached for the phone and glanced at it. “Text messages.”

Her lips curved into a sly smile. “I’m not going to tell you what to do.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You’re right, I am.” She sucked in a breath. “You better text him back. This is Walker Rhodes we’re talking about. Which, speaking of…” She raised a hand in the air and crinkled her brow. “What about this reputation of his? Please tell me you asked him about it, because I don’t think I could take my roomie being tabloid fodder. And you know you will be. How are you going to handle that?”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t care about the tabloids.” Sitting here in the safety of my living room, imagining potential future tabloid articles didn’t bother me. I figured I could handle anything they dished out, if they dished at all.

“You say that now.”

I nodded in agreement. “I do. So when I start freaking out, remind me that I don’t care.”

She giggled. “Done.”

I filled her in on all the details of Walker’s past and the things he had confessed to me about his friends and his mom. She nodded vigorously, insisting that it all made perfect and total sense. Keri hopped on the Walker train before tickets were even available for purchase. She loved this entire scenario which was now my life, and refused to feel bad about that fact.

“Honestly, Madison, I know you may not see it right now, but this is all pretty amazing. Your story is romantic as hell, and when people find out about it, they’re all going to storm the beaches of Malibu in search of their own summer romances. I couldn’t have scripted anything this perfect if I tried. No one could.”

I closed my eyes and smiled. “Trust me, Ker, I think it’s pretty amazing myself. Part of me still can’t believe it.”

“Well, believe it.”

After giving her a squeeze good night and thanking her for buying dinner, I stretched my arms over my head and sauntered into the kitchen, discarding my trash before heading toward my room.

“Madison?” Keri’s voice made me pause and I angled my head back toward her. “You’ll get another job. I’ll help you look, okay? And I’ll talk to my dad to see if he knows anyone who needs an assistant.”

“Thank you.” I pursed my lips together as I continued down the dimly lit hall, the realization that I could only deal with one thing at a time hitting me square in the face.

“Now go get your man!” Her voice trailed down the hall and I went to my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

Glancing at the clock, I noted the time; a little after ten p.m. It was too late to look for work, but it wasn’t too late to deal with Walker. My heart flipped inside my chest. I could feel it dancing away—probably to one of his songs—as I pressed the buttons to call his number.

He answered on the second ring. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“What are you talking about?” I giggled into the phone.

“I told you that I’d be going nuts until I talked to you. You’re driving me crazy.”

“And I told you I’d call you tomorrow. It’s not even tomorrow yet.”

“It’s almost tomorrow.”

I laughed and glanced at my clock again. “Not even close.”

“You haven’t answered a single text.”

“I was talking to Keri about everything.”

Walker’s tone turned even more serious. “Listen to me, Madison. I can’t have you running away from me. I know you needed some time today to process and work through everything, but don’t push me away. I don’t like it. I want to be the one you run to, not the one you run from.”

My defenses prickled at his bossiness. I didn’t normally like being told what to do, but in this case, I found myself liking his demands. “I’m not running away from you. I just needed a minute to work through my own head.”

“You took hours.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” I closed my eyes and shook my head, secretly enjoying how much he wanted me.

“No. What’s ridiculous is how fucking crazy I am about you still. Even after all these years. The moment I saw you in the dark with that sparkly thing on your head, all of these buried emotions came rushing back. It’s cheesy and I sound like a girl, but it’s the truth. I’ve never once forgotten about you. Not completely.” He blew out a breath. “And now that you’re back in my life, I don’t plan on letting you get away from me again.”

“There’s so much we don’t know about each other,” I admitted, one of my fears working its way to the surface. What if he’s not the same? What if I don’t like who he’s become? What if he doesn’t like me the way he thinks he does?

“That’s true. But I want to get to know every single thing about you, to hear about every moment I’ve missed. I want inside your brain, your thoughts, your heart, your pants.”

A loud laugh ripped from my chest at his last want. “You would.”

“I’m male.”

“I’m aware.”

“So, when can I see you?”

I smiled, my heart skipping a beat with his words. “Tomorrow. I’ll come to you.”

“Tomorrow can’t come soon enough. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Before I could respond, he added, “And Madison, don’t overthink this. Okay? Don’t overthink us or our situation or our past. Just listen to your feelings and don’t try to stop them with logic. Promise me that.”

How the hell could he be so in tune with me already? Maybe he was that good with women in general and I was just overly typical? Whatever it was, he was right on the money.

“I promise.”

“Good. Now go to sleep and then get your sweet ass over here.”

I huffed out, “You sure are bossy. I don’t remember you being so bossy when we were teenagers.”

His voice lowered to practically a growl. “I’m not bossy, I just know what I want. You’re lucky I’m not outside your door right now begging you to let me in. You’re lucky I’m willing to wait until tomorrow to see you.”

“Fame’s changed you,” I said with a laugh.

“No, it hasn’t. Good night, Sparkles.” My phone lit up and I pulled it away from my face to see that he had ended the call.

He acted so sure, so determined, and I’d be damned if I wasn’t completely turned on by it all. Walker was so different from any of the other guys I dated in the past. They all acted like they were trying to be what you wanted them to be, or they put up such a fake front it was almost sickening to be around.

There was nothing fake about Walker Rhodes. The question was, what was I going to do about it?