Текст книги "Worth the Chase"

Автор книги: J. L. Beck

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 10 страниц)

“I’m pretty sure he hates me,” I whispered to myself. I wasn’t moaning or crying over Chase. Or the fact that I had done the very thing I knew I would do by telling him to pretend to be my boyfriend.

I had ruined us before we ever began. I knew that he wanted more, hell I wanted more. I craved his body, his touch, his kisses, and the way he moaned my name, but I knew better than to jump ship with him. He was a playboy, one day he would get tired of me and bam, someone new would be brought in replacing me.

Yet, I couldn’t stay away from him. I sat downstairs for hours, watching him sleep knowing that it was the closest I could get to him without him walking away. Sometime in the late hours of the night I headed upstairs, afraid that if I fell asleep down here he would wake up and freak out, but also wondering if he dreamed about me like I did him.

It had been a month since we actually talked, every chance I got to speak to him he blew me off and I understood why, but it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. I wasn’t going to give up, though, I just didn’t know what it was that I could say to him to make him understand. Saying too much gave way to my real feelings, and saying too little didn’t tell him enough.

As I sat at the island in the kitchen pushing my frosted flakes around before class, I realized I needed to say something to him as soon as I could, and by fate he came rushing down the stairs. His hair was wet and all over the place. His body stiff and full of pent up aggression. His eyes zeroed in on me, as he went the long way around to enter the kitchen.

“Morning,” I greeted him and he grunted in return. Not even a smile or a look passed to me. Instead he kept his back to me as he got the items he wanted from the fridge. I stared for a moment before dropping my spoon into my bowl, causing a loud clank to fill the room.

I was so over being ignored and treated like dirt.

Without thought I got up from my seat and made my way over to him, gripping his arm and forcing him to face me. His eyes searched mine before dropping down to where my hand gripped his bicep.

“What is your beef with me? I get that I fucked up with the whole ‘Hey dad, this is my boyfriend’ thing, but what else was I supposed to do?” My question was rushed, and my body was flushed as desires formed in my head. I didn’t want to talk to him. I wanted to touch him. I wanted my body sliding against his.

“You used me for what you needed and then pushed me aside. Yes we fucked, and yes it was nice, but that’s all it was. You used me, and I used you.” He smiled, but it wasn’t sweet. No, it was the smile of the devil.

I shook my head knowing better than to believe his shit story, all the signals he had been giving me for the last month told me otherwise.

“You’re a liar,” I growled, pushing my finger into his chest. He pushed back, cornering me against the counter until my back was pushed against it. I could feel the heat coming off of him, his eyes lingering on my lips.

“I fucked you, Gia. I fucked you long and hard. It was good, by God it was so damn good, and when you screamed my name and your sweet pussy squeezed me tightly it was amazing, but the truth is…” His lips were almost touching mine and I wanted them too. I didn’t even care about what he was saying. My eyes started to drift close, right before he finished.

“You’re the same as all the others. You wanted to use me and you did. We both got what we wanted I suppose, and if you offer it to me again, I’ll take it. I mean that is the playboy in me.” His tongue darted out, and I felt myself pushing him away. His words forcing my happy thoughts away. I knew he didn’t mean it. I could tell in the words he spoke to me, and the fact that he had gone through ten bottles of whiskey in a month.

“You’re such a fucking liar, and that’s how I’ll see you until you are ready to be honest with me.” It took everything in me to walk away, to ignore the fact that I was simply afraid of falling for him in the worst way.

Grabbing my bag and books off the living room sofa, I forced myself to go to my classes. The day dragged on, the only upside being the fact that I finally got my test back that was given the first week in my Advanced Biology class. I guess all the study sessions with Chance and his nagging had paid off because I scored a 98, only getting one answer wrong. Taking a picture of my graded test, I sent it to Chance wondering if we should have a meet up each week just to go over everything I had learned as I made my way to my one elective class.

Women’s Studies.

“I hope everyone’s day is going great. I sent out an email last night letting you all know that I would be giving you an extra two days to work on your papers. Please tell me you all checked your emails?” Professor Winchester smiled at the class and it was in that smile I discovered something I never even realized before this moment.

She was Chase and Chance’s mom.

I don’t know how I never pieced it together in the weeks I had been attending her classes, after all they have the same last name, but it never dawned on me until now, and now it all made sense.

Her dark hair, her eyes that matched Chance’s, the exotic look in her features evident in Chase and Chance as well.

I cast my eyes down towards my paper, pretending to take notes as she wrote on the board. Having her as a professor twice a week was going to make it hard for me to forget about Chase, especially since I knew the connection between the two of them now. Rolling my eyes, I almost growled out loud. As if living with him wasn’t hard enough. The conversation with Chase didn’t help anything either, and now I was feeling worse just from looking at his mom.

Life could always get worse, right?

My phone vibrated in my shorts and I pulled my phone from my pocket, noticing an incoming text from Taylor. The text was simple and straight to the point.

Tay: Ryan Gosling

My hands started to sweat. That was emergency girl code for get your ass to me fast because I need you.

“I’m sure that text message can wait a couple minutes, right Ms. King?” I lifted my eyes to the front of the room where Professor Winchester was addressing me. I could feel my face growing red.

“Of… of course.” I tumbled over my words as if I didn’t know how to talk. She smiled at me, and I returned her smile as I put my phone away.

I waited the next ten minutes out wondering what it was that Taylor needed. We had set up the emergency code in case one of us ever needed one another. The second we were dismissed, I gathered up my things and hauled ass out of the classroom. I moved through the hallway, trying to text Taylor that I was on my way and failed to watch where I was going as I focused on one thing only.

My body collided with another body hard and a hand slid around my waist, squeezing firmly.

“Well hello there… what a lovely surprise.” Simon Masters’ sinful voice filled my head as I shoved his hand away. I had gotten involved with him once and that was enough to show me just how much of an idiot he really was.

“I would say hello, but I need to be on my way, so maybe next time.” I snapped rudely which must’ve amused him because the smile on his face seemed to grow larger.

“That’s what you said last time.” Simon’s voice was deep and his eyes held danger. He was far from the good boy that my father wanted me to be with. He was a bad boy with a capital B.

“No.” My teeth ground together. “If I recall, I said leave me the fuck alone last time, but since you want to be a bigger douchebag than usual I guess I’m going to have to−” I didn’t get to finish my sentence because a blur startled me from my thoughts as I was shoved back behind a solid body. His stance hostile and ready to throw down as he pushed in between us.

“When a lady says no, she means NO.” I knew that voice. My heart seemed to beat out of my chest at the actual thought of Chase coming to my rescue, and somehow I was slightly pissed that he hadn’t allowed me to fight my own battle.

“Winchester.” Simon sneered, his groupies growing around us. I could tell by the intense glare Chase had in his eyes and the clenching of his jaw that he was ready to fuck Simon’s world up.

“Step. The. Fuck. Off. Or I’ll make you.” I could no longer hear the Chase I knew in his voice. The man before me was an entirely different one. A man on a path of destruction, a man that wanted to show his dominance to another man.

Simon didn’t seem one bit phased by what Chase had to say. In fact, his hand lifted pushing on Chase’s shoulder as if to taunt him into throwing the first punch. I knew I needed to step in because if I didn’t Chase was going to hand Simon his ass, and it would be him that would be disciplined.

Simon Masters always got away with things. They could have proof and he still would walk away unscathed. I guess that’s what happens when your family sits on the board of directors for the university you attend.

Pushing against Chase’s back, I squeezed in between them. There was barely enough room to breathe, let alone push Simon back, but I did. His eyes narrowed in anger, and as he lifted his fist to Chase, I knew that I had put myself in the wrong place. I felt his fist against my cheek before I could even muster a muscle to move. The intensity of the blow forced me off my feet, causing me to land hard against the ground.

Screaming surrounded me from every angle as all hell broke loose. Chase charged Simon, knocking him on his ass. His arm came up and then down, fast and hard as he slammed his fist into Simon’s face.

I could hear doors opening and a voice asking what was going on, as the hall begun to clear up. That told me I needed to break this up before someone with authority saw everything unfolding and Chase suffered the consequences. Jumping to my feet with my cheek throbbing, I pulled on Chase’s shirt.

“Chase, please stop!” I begged, hoping he would answer my plea.

“You’ll pay for touching her, you fucker!!!” The venom in Chase’s words told me he wouldn’t forget this as he listened to me and moved, letting Simon up.

“Bring it. I look forward to it, asshole.” Simon laughed with blood covering his teeth as he turned the opposite way and walked away, his groupies following suit.

A professor stood at the end of the hallway, looking directly at us just as the hallway became completely clear.

“Everything okay down there?” he asked with concern.

“Yes,” we both replied in unison as I kept my back to him. A few seconds had passed before I heard a door close. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that he had reentered his classroom, leaving Chase and me alone.

I held my hand to my cheek as a single tear slid down my face. I wanted to hold the pain in, but I couldn’t. I hated crying, but I couldn’t stop the tears this time.

“Gia.” His voice soothed the pain inside as he pulled my hand away to look at the bruise that I was sure was forming.

His eyes said it all, the pain inside of them floored me. He was blaming himself for what had just taken place, and there was no way I would let him do that. The way he stuck up for me told me that nothing else mattered to him but me, not even the shit that had been said between us this morning.

“It’s not your fault…” I tried to say but choked up. Everything that had been going on was catching up with me. My emotions were as thin as ice in the month of March and I knew if I stood here a moment longer, staring at him that I would break.

“I know it’s not. All I care about is if you are okay or not?” he whispered to me, brushing a few strands of hair away from the mark that now marred my face.

His fingers grazed the skin, and I felt a shudder work its way through my body. Chase had that effect on me, he could make the pain go away. He could make the happy that much brighter. He was everything, and he didn’t even realize it.

“I’m…” I could feel the walls around me cracking. The way he was looking at me made everything else fade to black.

“I will make him pay for hurting you, Gia. He won’t get away with this. I don’t care if he meant to hit me, the second he raised his hand to you is the second he fucked up.” I pulled away from him, my body and my heart took notice immediately. The warmth inside of me evaporated into nothing but a mist settling around my still beating heart.

“I can’t do this right now.” I took another step back, seeing the anger in his eyes. I couldn’t even bare to look at him right now without breaking down. Here he was standing in front of me, comforting me, promising to fight for me as if we were more than Gia and Chase. More than the ‘just friends’ we were supposed to be.

“Gia,” he said my name helplessly.

“No, Chase. I can’t. Not right now.” I put my hand up, stopping him from coming any closer while taking another step away.

I felt damaged, and not just because of Simon. I needed distance and time to settle whatever it was that was going on between us. I wanted him like I wanted my next breath, but I was desperate for love, and being desperate for something always lead to heartache.

“Gia, please,” Chase whispered, and I could hear the sadness laced in his plea.

Unable to stand there a moment longer I found myself running, racing towards anything that wasn’t him. At the end of all of this it wouldn’t be me with the broken heart. It couldn’t be. I wouldn’t let it be.

One punch. I could feel my nails digging into my flesh.

Two punches. The skin cracked against my knuckles as I drove my fist into the punching bag. The only emotion I seemed to be able to handle was anger. It existed deep inside of me, causing pools of darkness to form. Every time I thought of Gia in the fragile state she was in my mind shifted, my world tilted, and everything seemed to do a one-eighty. I craved her so much, I wanted to devour her and make all the tiny pieces I saw fall away that day come back together.

In one week I had found myself in the gym twice a day. The only way to contain the anger that I felt and control my temper was to take out my aggression on the punching bag, so here I was pounding out the shit that caused me to fly off the fucking handle like a crazy motherfucker.

“I’m worried about you,” Chance’s voice caused my concentration to break. My jaw tightened and then my teeth clenched to stop myself from lashing out at my brother. He had never seen me like this before, hell I had never experienced these feelings before, but he had every right to be worried because nothing was the same.

“Nothing to worry about.” I kept it short, wiping away the sweat on my face with my shirt. I always kept shit to myself, bottled up so deep inside of me that sometimes they fought to spill out.

“What happened wasn’t your fault. You know that and so does she. Why can’t you guys just talk it out like civilized adults?” Chance questioned and it only served to piss me off further. I wanted to lay him the fuck out for sticking his nose somewhere it didn’t belong, but at the same time I couldn’t because I knew he was only doing it because he cared.

“There’s no excuse, it happened right in front of me,” I growled, driving my fist into the bag harder.

“I don’t think what Simon did is the only thing that is hurting you.” Chance grabbed the bag, holding it steady as I landed blow after blow against it. The only sounds in the room being that of the chain above clinking and my own heavy breathing. He could assume whatever the fuck he wanted to. I wasn’t going to admit shit to him, my lips were sealed.

“Seeing her break, seeing her that vulnerable was hard. That’s why you feel you’re to blame.” His words stung my skin as if he had poured salt into an open wound, but instead of admitting out loud that he had hit a nerve I punched the bag that much harder, pretending it was his thick skull and I was shutting him up.

“Admit it, Chase,” he taunted me.

“Nothing to admit, Chance,” I retorted quickly.

“You need to talk to her, or at least try to.” I reached for the structure deep inside of me that kept me sane, holding on to it as I pulled away from the bag.

“I can’t,” I sighed.

Chance laughed like I had told him a joke, which caused me to slacken my hold on that one thing that kept me sane at the moment.

“Can’t is simply a word used by lazy people,” Chance laughed like I had told the joke of the year, before continuing on, “You can. You just don’t want to. You’re afraid for the same reasons she is. I heard her talk with Taylor the other night and she’s hurting bad, she’s never felt deeply for anyone like you, and I know you feel the same way.” I couldn’t help the surge of anger that rattled me, I lurched at my own brother without another thought.

“You’re lying, Chance!” I hissed in a fit of rage as we stood nose to nose.

“No, you are! You’re lying to yourself and to her!” he yelled back, pushing against my chest. The intensity in his eyes held me still, wrapping itself around me and causing my frozen heart to beat again, yet it didn’t make what he had said hurt any less.

“I fucked up. The things I said, Chance… I don’t know if they can ever be undone. I don’t know if she will ever believe that someone like me could want more with her. We used each other selfishly, even when our feelings were right there knocking us on our asses. This whole thing is a clusterfuck and I just…”

What Chase, what the fuck did you want to say?

“Just say it,” Chance urged.

“I can’t love someone because I don’t know if they have the same power to love me back. I feel like Gia could be the one, but I’m terrified. Hurting her is the last fucking thing I would ever want to happen, but protecting myself from the same hurt is a natural reflex. What if I fall and she isn’t there to fall with me? I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” I grabbed my hair at the scalp and pulled until it burned. Once again I had poured my heart out to my brother, and I wasn’t even drunk this time.

When I looked up between my hands I saw a smile marring his face. It wasn’t an ‘I told you so smile’, but a ‘thank heavens you saw the light’ smile.

“That didn’t hurt so bad, now did it?” Chance winked.

“Doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change anything. Everything is still the same.” I reminded him, brushing everything off as I ripped my shirt from my body and headed towards the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks as I heard Gia’s laughter. It radiated warmth through me, causing all the dark in me to diminish.

“I think you should go for it. Life is too short to not at least try, especially when it’s something that you want. This time if it’s him who tries to run then you chase behind him as fast as you can, pulling him right back to you.” Taylor’s words settled deep inside of me. She spoke as if she had already experienced love and heartache all at the same time.

The air in the room seemed to catch fire as I entered, my chest heaved out a breath as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. This whole distance thing was hard. What was harder was wanting to be near her, but knowing that keeping her at an arm’s length was the right thing to do. It was a love hate thing that almost always ended in me hating myself, yet I couldn’t help myself any longer, I needed to see her face. I turned around and caught Gia’s eyes locked on me, they looked into my soul and rooted me to her.

“I’m thinking pizza and a movie tonight?” Chance interrupted my thoughts before I could even get a word out. I didn’t know if what he was trying to do was a good idea, all I knew was I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of her.

“Umm…”Gia hesitantly murmured, “It’s okay if we don’t, I have work to do anyways. You three could have a movie night and I could just, you know−” Taylor elbowed her in the side causing her to stop midsentence.

“Oh stop it, Gia. Of course we’re doing pizza and a movie tonight.” Taylor shot her a look that said shut up or I’m going to cut you. I felt as if I was invading on their circle of friendship by standing here watching every movement between the two of them unravel.

“I’ll order two pizzas. Taylor and Gia, you can pick the movie.” Chance chimed in quickly causing my stomach to growl at the thought of pizza. It had been at least a week since I had eaten anything other than a protein shake or bowl of cereal.

The room stayed quiet, Taylor and Chance both waiting to see who would give in first. My body seemed to be going through a tug of war, my head said I was making the right choice giving her the space and time that she needed; where my heart was begging for me to take her, to claim her as my own before the chance was gone. My hands turned to fists as the fire she stirred inside of me started to come back to life.

This is your chance, your choice… I could either give her what she wanted or teach her just what it was that I wanted.

“Sounds great.” I sealed the deal with those two words. Gia’s dark brown eyes glazed over as if she was in shock, as if she expected me to run and hide from her presence. Didn’t she know I did this all for her?

“Uh−uhh,” Gia stuttered, her words tumbling from her mouth in an incoherent mess. I knew I needed to say something, to man the fuck up at the very least and show her that I was really fine with this.

“We can be friends for one night, Gia. It’s not like it would kill either of us to be nice to one another. Let’s like each other today, you can go back to hating me tomorrow,” I said the words, but I didn’t mean them. I didn’t want her to hate me tomorrow either.

The tension in her eyes seemed to lessen as it filled the air between us. Gia nodded then smiled, and it was in that smile I could see the insecurities she had. They were the same ones I had.

“Yay!” Taylor squealed almost jumping from her seat, her eyes passed over Chance’s and the fire between them sizzled. I smiled to myself knowing that I wasn’t the only one going through some type of turmoil when it came to starting a relationship.

Everyone said it was easy and it should’ve been. It should’ve been as simple as I like you, you like me, but it was a lot more complicated than that with Gia and I.

Chance and Taylor discreetly dismissed themselves from the kitchen, leaving us alone with each other for the first time in a while. I stared at her for a long moment, trying to figure out if I should slam her against the wall and take her lips, forcing her to feel how much I cared for her; or if I should just let everything run its course.

“Why are you staring at me?” She gazed up from her book. Her dark hair was a blanket I wanted to wrap myself up in.

“Because you’re beautiful,” I simply said, being truthful and honest. She seemed to absorb what I had said as a small curve lifted on both sides of her mouth.

Minutes passed by before her smile disappeared and she spoke again, “I know right now all we’re good at is saying sorry and fucking stuff up, but that’s okay because life is a learning curve and all…” She was rambling, but it was one of the most adorable things I was just now noticing about her, so I let her go on about whatever it was she was getting at because at that moment I swore I could really see her.

“God! I’m just sorry, Chase.” She changed tactics as she pushed her hair out of her face and looked at me straight on. Her beauty couldn’t be measured, her eyes sucked me in every time. There was no coming back from a woman who looked at you like she did me.

“I don’t need an apology for anything. You needed space and time. I’m a man and men get irritable, Gia. Don’t do me any favors by saying you’re sorry.” There was an edge to my voice that I couldn’t let go of no matter how hard I tried.

She dropped her eyes to my chest. “Still, if I could go back to that day…” I could hear the despair in her words. Without thought I reached across the table, placing my fingers under her chin and forcing her eyes to meet my own.

“Shhh, don’t be sorry for your own emotions or the fact that you made a choice. Everything in life has a factor. Every choice has a reaction and life in general always has a choice that has to be made. In my eyes we were brought together for a reason.” I didn’t want to sound cheesy or like I was spewing bullshit, but even I knew God put certain people on your path, in your life for a reason. That or Jacobs had finally rubbed off on me.

Tears formed in her eyes, little pools of darkness on top of the beautiful brown that they were. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her into my warmth, but I knew I couldn’t because there would be no way I would stop there, so I retreated, pulling my hand away.

“Don’t cry,” I said, I felt conflicted with my own emotions. The lines of my wants and needs were blurring into one line, a line that wanted me to cross all the lines.

“I’m just emotional.” She wiped at her eyes, brushing away the tears. I could feel myself climbing back into my skin, making myself invisible again.

“Let’s just get the night done, and then we go from there.” My anger was back, and this time it was all because I was finally starting to feel everything that she was feeling.