Текст книги "Meet Me in the Dark"
Автор книги: J. A. Huss
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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
“There will be a day of reckoning. I call it a reality check”
– Sydney
The snow machine in the middle of the trail has me hyperventilating for a second before I figure out he ditched it to get the element of surprise on Garrett.
I ditch the Cat as well and make a run for it, following in Case’s footsteps. A half an hour ago I’d have bet a billion dollars that I could not make a run for my life through deep snow. But that was before the antagonist cleared out all the drugs in my system and made me into a new woman.
I feel like I can run forever. But I know it will wear off, probably soon, so I use up all the extra adrenaline while I still have it. A building peeks out from between the thick cover of pine trees, and the trail winds around a little more. I cut through the woods to save time.
Case’s booming voice stops me dead in my tracks.
They’re out there. Both of them. And Sasha.
I really don’t know what’s going on. A few bits and pieces have come back to me since I left the cabin. But nothing makes much sense. Garrett sent me here, I realize that now. But the gaps are still too wide and the images firing off in my head are blurry one moment, clear the next.
And Case. I don’t want to believe it’s true. I’ve held him up on some imaginary pedestal for so long, his final words undo me. He lied. I get it. He drugged me and used sex and longing to get what he needed from me.
But it felt so real. That’s what hurts the most. The shame I feel because I fell for it. How he must be laughing at me now. I have to stop in my tracks and clutch the trunk of a tree as I bend over. The sick feeling in my stomach is back, but what it means, I just don’t know.
Garrett’s black truck comes into view just as he calls out, “You owe me, Case. And today we’re gonna make it even.”
I pan the area. It’s like a cul-de-sac with the garage at the head. No other houses are out here so it must be on a private road. Garrett’s truck is in the middle, slanted at an angle, giving me a good view of the passenger side. But I don’t see him.
“What do you want to make it even?” Case yells back.
My attention snaps to my right. Case is not far from me. Maybe twenty or thirty feet.
“Oh, we are not to negotiations yet, friend.” Garrett laughs. I know he’s crouching down on the other side of the truck, out of view of Case’s sniper scope. Garrett’s told me stories of the Company assassins. Ruthless men. Inhuman. And extremely bent on finishing the job once they start.
What is Case’s job here?
Jesus, Sydney. You really are dumb.
I pull myself together and take my attention back to Garrett. He’s still hiding behind the truck, playing it safe. “Don’t you want to know how poor Sasha has fared since her captivity?” he yells. “Let’s compare prisoners, shall we Case? You fucked Sydney, right? I mean, that was in the plan, so I know for sure you did.”
And there it is. I am nothing but Case’s job and Garrett’s plan.
“If you raped Sasha,” Case growls, “I will string you up from a tree and let the wolves eat you alive.”
“Semantics, Case. I gave you Sydney to play with. You’ve had her for weeks. I’ve only had Sasha a day.” Garrett laughs. “She can fill you in later if you save her. We’ll see how that goes. So don’t get on your high horse about what I did to Sasha. Sydney didn’t exactly want to let you take her v-card. But in the end, she gave in. Because if there’s one thing that Sydney is that Sasha is not, it’s malleable. She bends. This one here, not very bendy. She’s a fighter, huh, Case? Did you teach her that? Or her father? Did you know I planned that whole night? Hell, did you know I’ve been planning your demise since the day you shot my girl?”
“She wasn’t your girl.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right. You wanted her too. But instead of accepting the fact that she was mine, you decided to kill her.”
Silence from Case. I have never heard this story. Even though my head is every sort of fucked up from all the lies and manipulation, I know I’ve never heard this story.
Case steps out into the open, his rifle in front of him, like an offering.
Garrett peeks up over the top of the truck and he smiles as he walks around the front end.
Sasha is lying on the ground in a tied-up heap. She has no coat on and it’s freezing out here. No gloves. Her face looks half frozen already, since it’s planted firmly in the snow. Her eyes are wild when she sees Case, and she starts kicking her feet.
“Let her go, Garrett. She has nothing to do with any of that.” Case’s voice is steady but low. Like he’s raging inside and one wrong move will set him off.
“Oh,” Garrett laughs. He’s dressed in top-to-bottom white snow gear, just like me. I feel like we’re a team just looking at us. It makes me sick. “You killed my girl, Case.” He removes a gun from his pants and points it at Sasha’s head. Case readies his rifle again. “We were soldiers. We follow orders.”
“She was twelve fucking years old!”
“Just like Sasha. Is that why you really saved her that night, Case? Sydney told me under the drugs what you said to her that night. You’d be back? That’s what you told her?” Garrett laughs. “You set this whole thing up. It was the perfect opening. A path to revenge.”
“I undid Sydney,” Case says.
“You sure did,” Garrett snarls. “You did it just right, Case. Fucked her up even more than I could ever hope, I’m sure. You’re the best, huh? I always knew you’d come through.”
Listening to these two men talk about me like I’m a thing is the most degrading moment of my life. Worse than Case fucking the virgin out of me. Worse than being drugged and manipulated by Garrett to do his bidding. I’m not even a person in their eyes.
“Our orders, Case, were to kill the mother and take the daughter to make an example of them. I did my part—”
“You raped that woman. Tied her up in a shed and kept her for days before you killed her.”
“—your part was to hand the daughter over to me.”
“I asked her whether she wanted to go with you or die. She chose death, Garrett. She would rather die than be with you. That’s why I killed her.”
Garrett shakes his head slowly and with a disgusting smile on his face. “I think you really believe you did the right thing back then. I really do, Case. So let’s see if you can do the right thing again today. Your choice back then was to let me have her or kill her. So your choice today is…” He stops to huff out a laugh and a shiver runs down my spine. Because I already know what he’s gonna say. “Kill her”—he nods to Sasha—“or let me take her away. Alive.”
“Or,” Case says, his voice still that low rumble that’s just on the verge of wild, “I kill you and she leaves with me. Alive.”
“That will never happen, Merc.” Garrett uses his trade name like they are friends, and it makes Case stiffen, as I’m sure it was intended.
“How do you figure?”
And then Garrett looks straight at me and stretches out his arm. He points to me, beckoning.
Case backs up, his rifle still trained on Garrett, and realizes I’m still in the game.
“Because the acorn never falls far from the tree.”
“Sometimes all you can do is fire that gun and pray your aim is true.”
– Sydney
My whole world spins as those words echo through my head.
The acorn never falls far from the tree.
My two guns are in my hand before I even realize I’ve pulled them out. My feet carry me out towards Garrett and Case. But only one man is being targeted.
Case.
The other gun is aimed at Sasha.
We had my trigger word wrong the whole time. Case never undid me, it was a trap. The whole thing was set up by Garrett to be a trap.
“Sydney,” Case says off to my right. “Sydney, listen to me. Remember when we talked about what he did, Sydney? He brainwashed you. He just triggered you.”
I know this. I know with every fiber of my being that I’m on autopilot. But I can’t stop. I’m not even sure I want to stop. Case ruined my life. I was sixteen years old. The brainwashing had worn off again. It was an opening, a crucial moment in time where things could go either way. Salvation or damnation.
Case chose damnation. He damned me to hell that night. All to save that girl out there in the snow. I was a job and he never finished it. I wasn’t worth it to him. I was nothing to him then and I’m nothing to him now. I lied, Sydney. But if you stay real still and go back to sleep, you’ll never have to think about it again.
“Sydney,” Garrett says, and glances at me for just the splittest of seconds. “If he makes one move towards me—”
Case takes the opportunity and gets off one shot, right through Garrett’s gun hand. Garrett spins as flesh and weapon go flying, drops to the ground, holding his injury as blood spurts out where fingers used to be. He lowers his eyes for a moment and catches his breath. And then he looks up. And the evil in those eyes makes me want to piss myself. “You’re gonna regret that.” His voice is even and steady as ever. “Shoot him, Sydney.”
Case takes a step towards Sasha, his gun aimed at Garrett, but my itchy trigger finger stops him. Sasha yelps as snow and ice splatter across her face from the shot that misses her by inches. And the bullet from the other gun flies past Case, because when I look over, he’s still alive.
What the fuck am I doing? Oh my God, I almost killed them.
“Finish her,” Garrett says, “and then shoot Case.”
My head floods with chaos. Memories. Violence. And more. So, so much more. Humiliation and servitude. My life is a living nightmare.
I have to blink my eyes to stop the spinning.
“Sydney,” Case says. The world is in slow motion as I turn my head. His rifle is trained on me. “Sydney,” he says again. It comes out in slow motion too. Syyyyyddd-neeeee. I find his face, just in time to watch his mouth move. “Hush,” he says. “Huuuuuuuush.”
I am still. The spinning stops for a moment.
“Sydney,” Garrett says, in that low growl he reserves for punishment. “You are my acorn. And you will shoot him.”
I take a step forward.
“Hush,” Case repeats once more. “Take a deep breath and keep still, Sydney.”
My lungs obey him, even though I have no idea what’s happening.
“Shoot. Him,” Garrett orders. “Shoot him or you will hear that rabbit scream for the rest of your life.”
I raise my gun and aim it at Case. I can see down the barrel of his rifle. He shakes his head at me. “I’ll kill you first, cowgirl. My trigger finger is faster. Just hush and stand aside. Let me finish him off. Let me make this right for you. Let me set you free, like the rabbits we set free this morning.”
A long breath rushes out of me and Case starts to relax.
Garrett starts screaming his threats.
I have no clue what to do. But everything suddenly makes perfect sense. The acorn. The hush. Two men with one thing on their minds. Revenge. And two girls caught in the middle.
I walk towards Sasha. “Give me your gun, Case.” I aim mine at Sasha. “Give me your gun or I’ll kill her.”
“Don’t do his dirty work anymore, Syd. I’m here now. I’ll take you away from all this. You will be saved today if you just put that gun down and let me finish him off like I should’ve eight years ago.”
I look down the sight of the FN Five-SeveN that Sasha gave him as a gift. It’s almost more irony than I can take.
“Don’t make me kill you, Sydney.”
“Please,” I say, never taking my eye off Sasha. “Kill me.”
Case drops his rifle in the snow.
“Kick it away,” I demand. He does, and it comes sliding towards me. I’m not stupid enough to pick it up. I keep my eyes on Sasha.
But I have so much to say.
“You too, huh?” I look over at him, aiming the other FN Five-SeveN at Case’s stoic face. No emotion at all. And what did I expect? He’s a cold-blooded killer. He’s got an agenda and nothing else matters. He hates me. The only reason I’m alive right now is because I saved myself and got away. “You brainwashed me too. With that word hush.”
He’s shaking his head as I talk. “It’s not like that, Sydney. You don’t know the whole story.”
“I agree. I don’t know much at all, do I? I’ll probably never know what really happened here. Or in the past. But I do know one thing. You’re not here for me. You’re here for her.” I shake the gun that’s pointing at Sasha. Not a move or a whimper out of her at all.
“He used you, Sydney,” Garrett says.
I change my aim to Garrett and shoot him between the eyes. His head splatters all over Sasha and the front end of the truck. Bits of bone go flying and Sasha’s calm is gone. She wriggles in her bindings, trying to inch away like a worm.
Case comes towards me even though the other gun is still trained on him. “You only had three bullets, cowgirl. Show’s over now.”
“I know,” I say, looking him in the eyes. “And that’s the only reason you’re alive right now.”
I drop the guns and rush him, delivering a two-handed push to his chest. He rocks back, but does not retaliate. I punch him in the face so hard my knuckles split open along with his lip. Blood spurts out and my hand begins to throb.
Nothing from him. I’m not even worth a fight.
The anger, and hate, and feelings of betrayal that I have towards him are seeping out of me like sweat. His cheek turns red where I hit him, but he just stands there.
“I hate you.” And then I spit in his face. “I hate you so fucking much.” The tears start to spill out, running down my cheeks in a way I’ve never experienced before. “This was a game to you. You knew he was coming. You knew I was programmed to do this shit. And you used me. You planted that word in my head. When was it? Huh? Before I woke up in that torture cabin? That place you took me to die?”
Case just stares at me. Guilty. “I thought you were unsalvageable,” he says softly. And that kills me. It fucking kills me that he’s so good at that soft stuff. He uses it like a weapon. And because I need that tenderness so much, I actually hesitate. “I figured it was too risky for you to stay alive. But I had an idea. I wanted to help you—”
“Liar! You’re such a fucking liar! You wanted to kill Garrett, fuck me over again, and save your precious princess here. You used that word to make me love you. That’s why nothing you did back there bothered me, isn’t it?” He stays silent as I put that piece of the puzzle together. “I hate you. And if I ever see your face again, I will blow it right off your head.”
I turn on my heel and walk away, picking up my guns as I go. Wishing he’d shoot me in the back. Take me out of my misery. But he doesn’t.
So I just step over Garrett’s dead body, get into his truck, slam the door, and drive off.
Be the rabbit, Sydney. Be the rabbit.
Oh, I will, I assure that inner psycho in my head. Because running is all I have left.
“It’s a haunting feeling to look back and know you fucked it all up.”
– Case
I watch the truck drive away with more sadness than I’ve ever felt in my life. And then some muffled whimpers make me realize Sasha is still on the ground. She’s just picking a knife out of Garrett’s pocket, trying to get herself free, when I walk up to her and take it out of her hand.
“One sec, Sash, sorry.” I rip the tape off her mouth and even though that must’ve hurt like a bitch, my Sash stays quiet. I cut her hands free, then her feet, and help her up.
She hugs me. No tears. She stopped crying a long time ago over this shit. But the squeeze tells me everything I need to know.
“You OK?” I ask her.
She nods into my coat. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too, kid.” And then I give her a little push and we start walking back to the snow machine I left on the trail.
“What about him?” Sasha asks, gesturing behind us once we get into the trees.
“Wolves will take care of him. It’s better than he deserves.”
The silence overtakes us as we make our way back to the house and when Sasha gets off the snow machine behind me, I can’t seem to make myself move.
“I’ll be inside,” she says.
“Sure,” I say back, propping my hands on the front of the machine, then dropping my head into them.
I have no idea how long I stay out there, running the day back to the beginning, wishing I could do things different.
Hell, I know I did the right thing when I killed that girl all those years ago. She would’ve ended up just like Sydney. She knew. Her mother told her everything and they were caught trying to escape the compound where they were held. Death or sexual servitude. They both wanted death.
The daughter got off easy, because at least she didn’t end her life being raped by that monster. Garrett would’ve never let her go.
Still, I killed her.
How many people have I killed over the years? Way more than I can remember, that’s for sure.
I think back on my conversations with Sydney. Not the ones out in the cabin, but the ones here at my home.
Are you a Simple Man, Case?
Yeah, sure. I’m fucking simple, all right. Kill or be killed. That’s the rule I live by.
My mother would be so proud.
It’s well past dark when Sasha appears in the garage doorway. The lights have been off for hours. I’ve been sitting out here in the cold. The wolves started howling a little while ago and I know, if I were to ride back down the trail, they’d be having a feast.
I momentarily think of joining Garrett out on the dinner table. It would be better than I deserve, and that’s the only thing that stops me.
“Are you gonna come in?”
I look up at Sash and shake my head. “I don’t think I can.” I huff out a long, sad breath. “I know I can’t, Sash. I can’t face what happened in there today. I did it all wrong, man. But I panicked when she said he had you. I just fucking panicked. I thought I was gonna lose you and you know what?”
Sash bites her lip and shakes her head. The worry is plastered all over her face. Has she ever seen me like this? Has anyone ever seen me like this? I don’t think so. I left this guy behind in Boston. The kid who used violence to shut out his fear. Who wanted to be an emotionless mercenary to make the feelings he didn’t understand go away.
No one but my dad has ever seen me like this.
“Tell me. Merc. Because I’m scared right now.” She is too. I can feel the fear all around her. Not of me. I’d never hurt her and she knows that. But I’ve always been a very self-destructive man. She’s worried for me.
And I do not deserve it.
“I saved you that night because I killed that little girl.” I nod at her, but she says nothing. “And I thought I could wipe that sin away, ya know? But all I did was make it worse for someone else. Sydney was caught in my guilt and she suffered. I can’t even comprehend what she’s thinking right now. The level of betrayal she must feel.”
Sasha walks over and places a hand on my shoulder, giving it a little squeeze of support. “You know what?”
I take a deep breath and ask, “What?”
“I think you made a mistake when you chose me.”
“Fuck that.”
“Because I’ve never needed saving, Merc. Never. I was always gonna get away that night. I knew they were coming for me and I was ready. Maybe I was only twelve, but my father spent every minute of our time together training me to take care of myself. I never needed you that night and she did. And she still needs you, Merc. So I think you just need to admit you should’ve done it different and forgive yourself for it.”
I don’t know what to say back to her. How can I admit that choosing her was wrong? “That decision seemed so easy at the time, Sash. How did I manage to fuck it all up? Would letting Garrett take that first little girl have made Sydney’s life better or worse? There’s just no way to know. And I guess that’s what the hard choices really are. Leaps of faith that you’re doing the right thing. Leaps of faith that you’re doing enough.”
When I look up at her she’s frowning. “You did your best, Merc. No one is judging you for that choice but you.”
“And Sydney.”
“No,” Sasha says. “She’s mad, she feels betrayed. But she’s not judging you. How can she say her life is worth more than mine? I’m certainly not saying my life is worth more than hers. But she can’t judge you, Merc. Because she knows that given a choice like that, she couldn’t be trusted to make the right one either. She can’t even make the right choices for herself, let alone three other people.”
It stings that Sasha includes that first little girl in this equation. Maybe killing her wasn’t the answer after all. Maybe my whole life is a lie I’ve been telling myself.
“No one knows. You just do what you can and hope you did enough,” she continues.
“I didn’t do enough. I know that now. I could’ve gone back for her. I had opportunities. And I didn’t. I let my lust for revenge take over my life. And so here I am. The noble choice I thought I made is just another sin in my long, long list of unforgivable acts.
Sasha sighs. “Sometimes, Merc, things are just unwinnable. You have to accept it like the rest of us little people.”
I shoot her a look.
“Or,” she smiles. “You suck in your pride and take it back.” She squeezes my shoulder one more time. “And then make up for it.”
I look up at her and wonder how to admit I made the wrong choice? Because all her stackable moments add up to this smart, strong, beautiful woman. And if I had left her to fend for herself that night, where would she be now? “It’s unwinnable, I guess.”
“Hey, Merc?”
I stare at her. “What?”
“If you don’t think you did your best you still have time, you know. You’re a genius. Go do something genuine.” And then she walks away and leaves me there.
