Текст книги "Eve"

Автор книги: Iris Johansen

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“Maybe.” His hands were tightening on the steering wheel. “Yeah, but it does feel different. And I don’t like it.”

She didn’t know how she would feel after he was gone, either. Her body had become so accustomed to him that it he seemed part of her. “We have four days.”

“Big deal.” Then he grimaced. “I’m acting like a kid. Like I said, I didn’t expect to feel like this.” He looked at her. “Chemistry is supposed to wear away. It didn’t do it. We need more time.”

“Well, we don’t have it.”

He was silent. “Maybe you could come with me and stay near the camp.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “So I could put my life on hold and make myself available to you? Hell, no.”

“Okay, I know I was out of line. I’m not thinking too clear.”

She wasn’t thinking clearly, either. For an instant, she had actually considered it. No, not considered. There wasn’t anything that resembled cool consideration in the way she was feeling. “And I’d be interfering in your life, too. I won’t do that, and I won’t give up my plans to follow you around and be your private whore.” She was shaking. “Someday you’d leave me, and I’d end up somewhere in another development like the one where I grew up. That’s not for me. We do what we said we’d do. It’s over when you get on that plane and go off to basic training.”

He muttered a curse and didn’t speak for a long moment. Finally, he said quietly, “Okay. I know I’m not being fair. I’m reaching out and grabbing what I want. I told you once that you couldn’t trust me if I wanted something bad enough.” He glanced away from her. “I’m even tempted to try to persuade you to do what I want. I might be able to do it. I have those four days, and I have some pretty potent weapons on my side. You love what we do together as much as I do. It could be enough to tip the balance.”

“No way.”

“Don’t challenge me.” He smiled recklessly. “I’m trying to overcome my darker side. I know you’re right.” He parked in front of the development. “It’s just hard for me to care.”

She got out of the car. “I care enough for both of us.”

“Tonight?”

She should say no. He was behaving with a volatility that made her uneasy, and her response was equally unsettling.

“I’ll make it special for you,” he said softly.

She could feel the melting begin. Special? He meant erotic, wild, and possibly wicked. And he always kept his promises. Why should she cheat herself? “Tonight.” She started across the street. “Four more days.”

*   *   *

EVE SAT UP IN BED AND BRUSHED her hair out of her eyes. “What time is your flight?”

“We’ve got time.” He pulled her back over him. “Ten tonight.”

“An hour before I get off work.” She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s three now.”

“We’ve got time,” he repeated. “You don’t have to be at work until six. I’m packed and ready to go.”

She stopped arguing. She didn’t want him to leave. Their coming together in the motel room had been hot and frantic, and yet the hunger was still there.

She lay against him, feeling the male hardness and strength of him. She was breathing hard, and she could hear his heartbeat pounding beneath her ear.

His hands were moving over her body. “I know every curve and crevice of you,” he whispered. “I’ve memorized every single part of you. I know your smell, your taste, your texture. If I were blind, I’d be able to recognize you.”

And she’d be able to recognize him, she thought. But she wasn’t sure that she wanted to remember John Gallo once he passed out of her life. The experience had been too intense, and the emotions she had felt had been confusing. Not only passion, but there had been surprising moments when there had been tenderness.

“They’ll probably send me somewhere else after basic training, but I might be able to come back here for a week or so.” He was stroking her hair. “I’ll call and let you know.”

“And after you’re away for a while, you might decide that it’s better to keep your distance. I won’t expect anything from you.”

“Because you don’t want me to expect anything, either.” He tangled his fingers in her hair and lifted her head to meet her eyes. “I’ve got the message. But I’m not sure that I’m going to pay any attention to it. Are you afraid of me, Eve?”

She was afraid. Afraid of the sex, which was a stronger drug than anything Sandra took, afraid of the way she was beginning to reach out to him in ways that weren’t sexual. She liked to watch him, liked his flashes of wry humor, even his silences. “I think we’ve gone too far.”

“Maybe. But that’s not going to stop me.” He was kissing her, rolling her over on the bed. “Tell me that two minutes from now.”

She wasn’t able to talk at all after that two minutes. All she could do was to move with him and try to keep from screaming with pleasure. This time she felt totally powerless. He was controlling the pleasure, demanding the response.

And she was giving it to him, giving whatever he asked. She couldn’t help herself.

It was only later, when she lay panting and shaking from the aftereffect of that storm, that she realized what that helplessness meant. He had made her feel weak, and that was the true danger.

And it was good that John Gallo was leaving that night.

*   *   *

IT WAS ELEVEN THIRTY, EVE realized as she climbed the steps to the apartment. John would have been in the air over an hour and a half. It had been strange not to see his Chevy parked in front of the restaurant when she’d left work. Stranger still to come straight home instead of going with John to the reservoir.

Don’t think of the reservoir and what we did there. She had kept busy and had been fine all evening. She had allowed herself no time to remember all the erotic games they’d played in the motel this afternoon. Only they hadn’t been games. Everything she’d done with John had been done with searing intensity.

She unlocked the apartment door and went inside. She turned on the light and kicked off her shoes. Empty as usual. Her mother hadn’t been home at all that week. She’d shower and go to bed. She hadn’t gotten much sleep in the last month, and she might be able to doze off.

Maybe.

She didn’t feel sleepy. Every nerve was keyed, and the effort to keep from thinking about John Gallo was added stress. Homework? She’d gotten behind in that, too, but there was nothing urgent. She’d get back in the routine now that she had no distractions.

Distractions?

That was a tame word for John Gallo. Oh, yes, he had distracted her and seduced her and taught her a hundred ways to enjoy her body … and his.

But that last time at the motel had revealed that pleasure could be as much a trap as the one she was trying to escape. He was too good, and he had warned her that he would do anything to get what he wanted.

Right now he wanted her.

It might change with time and distance, but that might be too late if he persuaded her to do what he wanted. Even now she could feel her body flush, ready, as she remembered what he had done this—

The doorbell rang, startling her.

No one came to the door at that time of night.

Unless her mother had lost her key again. She misplaced it at least once or twice every few months.

She slid back the viewer in the door. “Again, Sandra? We’re keeping that locksmith—”

It wasn’t Sandra.

John Gallo.

Eve slid back the bolt and threw open the door. “What’s wrong? Why are you—”

She was crushed against him, his mouth on hers, hard, frantic.

And she was frantic, too. Her arms slid around him, and she was making sounds deep in her throat. “Why?” she gasped. “I thought you were gone. Why are—”

“This is why.” His voice was guttural; his hands ripping open the buttons of her shirt. “I was sitting at that gate at the airport, and I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I had to have you one more time.” He was tearing off her bra, his lips on her breast. “Don’t say no, Eve.”

No? She was as wild as he was. The shock of his appearance had sent her hurtling back into the sensual storm she always experienced when she was with him. She could scarcely breathe. Her hands were running up and down his back, bringing him closer as his tongue sent sensation after sensation through her. “The plane…”

“I can catch one at three. I’ll still be there on time.” He’d backed her against the kitchen table and was pulling down her jeans. “I don’t give a damn…”

And she didn’t either. “The couch…”

He wasn’t paying any attention to her. She didn’t know if he even heard her. He’d lifted her onto the kitchen table, and he was suddenly over her, in her, with one movement. She inhaled sharply. Fullness.

Hardness all around her. The table against her buttocks, his belly pressing down on hers, the stroking …

The stroking!

His breath was harsh, his chest rising and falling against her with every thrust. “I knew you … wouldn’t want it here. This is your space, and you don’t want me in it.” Another deep thrust. “You don’t want to … remember me here. You don’t want to remember me at all, do you?” He sank deep and rotated. “Do you?”

She gasped as her hands clutched wildly at his shoulders. “It’s not—” She shuddered as the pace quickened. “You told me—”

“I said a lot of things, didn’t I?” His face above her was flushed, fierce, completely sensual. “But all I can think about right now is that you have—to—remember me. I won’t let you forget me. Every time you look around you, you’re going to remember me here, doing this to you.” He suddenly slid back off the table, taking her with him.

Her legs instinctively curled around his hips.

He was walking, pausing to stroke, then walking again.

Then they were on the couch. “Do you know how many times I thought about doing it with you here?” he whispered. “You liked the reservoir because it was neutral territory, and I’d give you anything you wanted. But toward the end I didn’t want neutral.” He was moving fast, hard. “I wanted this. Because I won’t—be—forgotten, Eve.”

Wildness. Hunger. Heat.

Madness.

She had to have more.

Arching, clasping, taking …

And then there was no more to take.

It was beyond …

She screamed.

He was still moving. “That’s right.” He was gasping, “Again, Eve. You can do it. I’ll just do this…” His eyes were glittering, wild. “More…”

Again.

“I want to make you—but I can’t—wait.” The tempo grew harder, more intense. “Can’t—” He groaned, his spine arched, his head thrown back, his face a mask of pleasure so intense it looked like pain. “Eve!”

He collapsed on top of her.

She didn’t want it to stop. On and on and on … She clasped him to her with all her strength, as she tried to get her breath.

He lifted his head and kissed her lingeringly. “Beautiful…”

“You always say that. I’m not…”

“You are. Like a flame…” He kissed her breast. “And you feel like a flame curling around me. When I was at that gate, I kept thinking of the way you felt. I thought I’d go crazy if I didn’t have you one more time.”

“You did go crazy.” And so had she. All he’d had to do was explode through that door, and she had been ready for him. Ready? She’d been wild for him. Everything she’d been telling herself about how good a thing it was that they were separating had vanished the minute he’d touched her. Which meant that everything she had told herself was true. “And you’re going to miss that second flight if you don’t leave soon. It’s after midnight.”

“I won’t miss it.” His tongue traced her lower lip. “I want to stay, but I’ve done what I had to do.” He got to his feet. “I have to go shower. Stay here. I want to see you like this when I come back.” He vanished into the bathroom.

She didn’t know if she could have moved if she’d wanted to. Every muscle felt limp, and she was lying there in a warm haze. He’d said he was going. There was no reason to stir right now. She didn’t have to think or worry. Everything was the same as it had been that afternoon. This had just been a wild, unexpected epilogue.

She heard the shower. He would be gone soon. The wrenching pain she was feeling was all part of the confusion their togetherness had begun to foster lately. She would be fine. It would go away when he went away.

He came out of the shower ten minutes later. “Good.” He smiled. “You stayed there. I wasn’t sure if you’d do anything I told you to do. Resistance should be kicking in about now.”

“I didn’t want to move.” She met his gaze. “And you’re leaving. Maybe I wanted to please you.”

“You did.” He dropped to his knees in front of the couch. “And I pleased you, didn’t I?” He put his palm on her belly. “It’s a wonder. I was so hot I could only think about myself and how fast I could have you.” He traced the outline of her navel. “I’m lucky you didn’t kick me out.”

“You knew that wouldn’t happen. And you said you’d been wanting it to be here. So I don’t think it was as mindless as you say.”

He was silent. “Oh, I was mindless. The other was just instinct.” He bent and kissed her nipple. “I’ve got to get out of here, or I’ll have to have you again. I can’t miss another plane.” His teeth tugged gently at her earlobe. “I’ve got to do what I promised my uncle I’d do. I won’t mess up my chance.”

“No, that would be a mistake.”

“So that may mean I won’t be able to get back here for a while. And you won’t come to me.”

“No.”

“But I will come back, Eve.” He lifted her up and put his cheek against her belly. It felt rough and hard against her bare flesh. “And you will remember me. Say it.”

“You’d be hard to forget.”

“That’s not good enough.” He lifted his head, and his eyes were glittering, burning, as they held her own. “Tell me. You’ll remember everything we did, everything we are together. No matter how long. You won’t forget me.”

She couldn’t pull her gaze away. His intensity was overpowering and hypnotic, enveloping her, binding her.

“Tell me,” he said softly. “You know it’s the truth. You’re part of me. You’ll always be with me. You’ll remember.”

How could she help it? No matter how their paths parted or intertwined, he’d been the first in so many ways, and the power of his personality had stunned and beguiled her. Even at that moment, she couldn’t imagine the days or years to come without him.

“I’ll remember you,” she whispered.

“That didn’t hurt, did it?” He smiled brilliantly. His arms closed tighter, and he kissed her. “The only thing that will hurt will be the waiting.” Then he put her back on the couch and got to his feet. “And I’ll cut that down to as little as possible.”

“I’m not going to wait for you. That’s a trap, too. And you won’t want to wait for me after you’ve been gone for a while.”

“I didn’t think I would, either. But things are changing. I’ll have to see.” He moved toward the door. “But one thing I do know. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before you. I’m not sure that I’ll ever feel like this again. I want to reach out and grab and hold on.” He opened the door. “But that’s my nature. Good-bye, Eve.”

“Good-bye, John.”

He was standing framed in the doorway as he had been framed by the elevator doors that first night. He was the same, yet not the same. Muscular thighs outlined in denim jeans, same face that was hard yet beautiful in its sensuality. But now she knew that body, that face, in a thousand different positions and expressions. She knew his toughness, his bluntness, his seductiveness, the bitterness that he seldom spoke about, the driving passion that could be as explosive as a lightning flash.

He wanted her to remember him?

This was how she’d remember John Gallo.

CHAPTER

6

The water. Stay out of the water. The current was so strong it would carry her away and over the falls.

Eve’s breath was coming in harsh pants that hurt her chest as she scrambled up the bank and into the brush.

Run.

A bullet took the bark off the oak next to her.

Close.

How could he see in this thick brush?

She heard the splashing in the river behind her. He wasn’t afraid of the current. Could the devil be afraid of anything?

“Eve!”

It was John Gallo. He caught up with her and grabbed her hand. “This way.”

“No!” She tried to pull away.

“Trust me.” He was gazing down at her, and he looked as desperate as she felt. His face was somehow … different. John’s face, yet not the John she knew. “I’ll find her. I won’t let you die. Trust me.”

“Why should I? When have we ever trusted each other?” She jerked her hand away and started to run again.

A moment later, another bullet grazed her hair, then embedded itself in the ground in front of her.

And she heard the sound of running footsteps behind her. Her heart was beating so hard it was jumping out of her chest. Find a way, or she was going to die.

Trust me.

Never.

Pain, high in her back …

She hadn’t heard that bullet.

Death?

*   *   *

EVE JERKED UPRIGHT ON THE couch, her eyes wildly searching the darkness.

Her pulse was racing, but the palms of her hands were cold. It took a minute for her to realize that she was not still in that deadly brush.

A dream?

But it had seemed so real. John Gallo had been gone nearly three weeks, but he had also seemed so real. Although it was a John Gallo she had never known. If she was going to dream about John, why wouldn’t it be sensual, sexual, and not a horrible, deadly chase that had ended her life. That was what her time with John had been all about. Sex, passion, and mindless pleasure that had ended with a desperate intensity that had almost frightened her.

And perhaps that was why she had dreamed of John as the pursuer, the enemy, just exaggerated and translated into a life-and-death struggle.

And all this soul-searching was crap over a simple nightmare. She swung her feet to the floor and got up and went to the bathroom. She drank a glass of water, then went back to the couch.

Go back to sleep. It was only a dream. She was doing fine. She was back in her routine of work and school and keeping herself so busy that she barely thought of John. It was as if that period was also a dream. It was probably good that she had experienced that passion then and not later. She could put it behind her and concentrate on work.

And that was crap, too. She was giving herself excuses, and there had been nothing calculated about what she’d done.

But it was over now, and she was doing just fine.

*   *   *

“YOU DON’T LOOK SO GOOD.” Teresa was gazing at Eve critically. “You got the flu or somethin’?”

“Maybe.” She finished the to-go order and set it on the warming shelf. “It’s going around.”

“Well, you’re white as that paper bag. Don’t breathe on me. I’ve had enough bugs this year.”

“I’ll stay away.” She wished Teresa would be quiet. Her head was pounding, and she was fighting against throwing up. The smell of frying hamburgers was making her stomach churn.

“You should go home. You gonna have to ride the bus?”

“How else?”

“I thought maybe John might be back in town. He’s been gone a couple months, hasn’t he? Have you heard from him?”

“No. I didn’t expect to hear from him.”

“Hot and heavy, then good-bye?” Teresa made a face. “Yeah, that’s the way it goes. But it can be worth it.”

“Maybe.”

“He had a real thing for you. I couldn’t get him to pay any attention to– Where are you going?”

Sick. So sick.

She barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.

And then threw up again.

Lord, she felt awful.

She sank down to the floor beside the toilet.

She’d get up again soon, but she wasn’t sure her legs would hold her right now.

“Eve?”

Teresa.

“I’m okay. Go back to work.”

“You’re not okay.” She opened the door of the enclosure. “Can I get you a wet towel or something?”

“No, just leave me—” She scrambled over the toilet again and threw up. “I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, sure.” Teresa was wetting a paper towel at the sink. “Like my roommate, Linda, was okay. You think I don’t know the signs. How far along are you? Almost two months? Three?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about that gorgeous son of a bitch who didn’t protect you.” She laid the towel on Eve’s forehead. “You’re only a kid. He should have—” She broke off as she saw Eve’s expression. “What did you expect? Anyone could see that you were so hot for each other, you were dizzy with it. You should have come to me. I’d have helped you.”

“You think I’m … pregnant?”

“The timing’s right. My roommate started getting morning sickness at about three months.” She frowned. “Aren’t you? Haven’t you missed your periods?”

“I’m not always regular. I thought the pills might have—” She closed her eyes. “I can’t be pregnant.” She could feel the panic rising. She had not permitted herself to even think of the possibility. “I was on the pill.”

Teresa was dabbing at her forehead. “Nothing is foolproof.”

“My mother never got pregnant, and she’s been on them for years.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re not pregnant,” Teresa said. “But I’d go to a doctor and find out.” She paused. “And then maybe call John Gallo and see if he’ll help you out. He should pay if he’s going to play.”

“Pay?”

“You’re sixteen. You can’t handle this. I can take you to Linda’s doctor. If you’re not too far along, an abortion is easy. She only had to stay home two days after hers.”

Abortion.

The word struck her like a blow. The shocks were coming at her too fast, too horribly.

She shook her head, hard. “I’m not pregnant. You’re wrong. It’s a mistake.”

“It always is.” Teresa patted her shoulder. “Look, you go on home. I’ll explain to Mr. Kimble.”

Eve looked at her with alarm.

“No, not that you’re pregnant. He might get rid of you. Bosses don’t like to deal with women’s problems.” She helped her to her feet. “You have the flu, remember? Stay here. I’ll go get your purse.”

Stay here? She felt so weak that she didn’t know if she’d even be able to get to the bus stop. Nausea, shock, horror were all attacking her, bringing her down. She hung on to the basin to keep upright.

“It’s okay.” Teresa was back and handing Eve’s purse to her and helping her toward the door. “Get going.”

“I will.” She stopped to look back at Teresa. Even through the haze of shock and panic, she realized that the girl had been kinder than Eve could have expected. “Thank you.”

Teresa shrugged. “We’ve got to stick together. I could be in the same fix myself someday. The only thing you can trust a guy for is to give you a good time. The rest is up to us.” She gave her a gentle push. “Get on home. Crackers used to settle Linda’s stomach.”

Eve wished she’d stop comparing her to her roommate. Maybe she wasn’t in the same condition. Maybe Teresa was wrong.

But she had the panicky feeling that she was right.

*   *   *

SANDRA CAME HOME THREE HOURS after Eve arrived at the apartment.

“Eve?” She frowned as she peered into the dimness. “What are you doing home? And, why are you sitting in the dark, honey?”

“I don’t feel well.” She felt like an animal with a mortal wound huddled in a cave, not able to face the light. “Go to bed, Sandra.”

“Maybe I could get you something? Need an aspirin?”

“No, it’s my stomach. Go to bed.”

“Okay, you be sure and call me if you need anything.” Sandra drifted toward the bedroom. “It must be bad. I can’t remember the last time you missed work.”

“It’s bad.” Terrible. The worst thing that could have happened to her.

Then Sandra was gone, disappearing into her pretty pink bedroom.

Relief. Eve didn’t know if she could have contended with Sandra tonight. She was alternating between the shakes and that terrible nausea. And the realization of what a terrible, irresponsible fool she had been. That’s right, reach out and grab what you want. Forget all your plans for making something of yourself, a few weeks of sex were worth anything, weren’t they? Oh, Lord, how could she have run the risk?

And she was sick again.

She jumped to her feet and ran into the bathroom and retched. She no longer had anything in her stomach, and it made it all the more painful.

“Here, honey.” Sandra was handing her a cloth. “Rinse out your mouth and wash your face. You’ll feel better.” She turned. “I’ll get you a soda. Sometimes it helps.”

It seemed she was being forced to accept help from another unlikely source. First, Teresa. Now, Sandra. “I can get it.”

“I know you can. But let me do it.”

What had gotten into Sandra? The last thing Eve wanted was to have Sandra fussing over her.

She’d get bored soon. Just drink the soda, and she’d go away. Eve washed her mouth and face and went back into the living room.

“Sit down,” Sandra said as she handed her the can of soda. “Drink it slow, honey.”

“You can go to bed now, Sandra.”

“I know I can. I could leave you alone.” Sandra sat down. “But I don’t want to do that.” She folded her hands nervously on her lap. “Maybe I leave you alone too much. But you never seem to need me. Even when you were little, you were so strong, stronger than me.” She paused. “I’m not a good mother to you, Eve. My folks kicked me out when I got pregnant, and having a kid was just too much for me.”

“It’s all right. I never did need you. I could take care of myself.”

“But can you do it now? I remember how I felt when—” She drew a deep breath and her hands clasped even tighter. “You’re going to have a baby, aren’t you?”

Shock. She had not expected Sandra to be observant enough to jump to that conclusion. “Why do you think that?”

“You’re sick. You’re never sick.” She paused. “And last week I noticed one of my birth-control discs was missing. You took it, didn’t you?”

She nodded slowly.

“That was my prescription, Eve. It might not have been strong enough for you. Or maybe it won’t work unless you take it for a couple weeks first. I’ve been on them so long that I don’t remember. If you’d come and asked me, I’d have told you it might not work well for you.”

But she would never have gone to Sandra. Dear God, she had thought by not trusting John, she was protecting herself in the best possible way. Eve closed her eyes, and whispered, “You’ve been taking them all these years. I thought I’d be safe.”

“Are you going to have a baby, Eve?” Sandra repeated.

Eve wanted to deny it. She wanted to deny it to Sandra and herself and the whole world. But she had to accept it, deal with it. She couldn’t hide in the dark forever. She said jerkily, “Yes, I … think so.”

“Oh, honey.” Tears were glittering in Sandra’s eyes. “I was hoping I was wrong. That handsome young man who helped me?”

“Yes.”

“How does he feel about it? Does he want to marry you?”

“Marry? He doesn’t care for me that way. Because I’m pregnant? It wasn’t that kind of– He doesn’t know. I won’t tell him. He’s gone away. Chances are that I may not see him again.”

“Then you’re alone,” Sandra said. “The way I was when I had you.”

She nodded jerkily. “Yes, isn’t it funny?” She added the bitter words that had so upset her, “Like mother, like daughter.”

Sandra reached out a tentative hand and touched Eve’s arm. “I can help you. I’ll take you to that Planned Parenthood Clinic tomorrow and sign all the papers. You don’t have to have this baby.”

Abortion. It was everyone’s first thought.

“My folks wouldn’t sign the permission, and I was only fifteen. They said I had to take responsibility for my sins. I was so scared … I don’t want you to be scared like that, Eve.”

She was scared right now. But not of having the child itself. It was giving up all her dreams of digging herself out of this slum. The fear of repeating all the mistakes of her mother and everyone around them.

And she had already started that cycle.

She had been so confident that if she was careful and worked hard, she could have it all.

She had not been careful enough, and it might destroy her.

Unless she destroyed the child she and John Gallo had created from that passion that had seemed worth any risk.

No.

The rejection was so strong that she felt almost ill again.

“Eve?” Sandra’s gaze was on her face. “It’s the only thing to do, honey. Believe me, I know how hard it is to raise a kid. It drains you…” She added quickly, “Not that you weren’t a sweet little baby. But toting you and picking you up from charity day-care centers. Working for minimum wage just to eat. It never seemed to stop. Everyone needs a little fun in their life.”

And that scared fifteen-year-old girl maybe more than others. Eve had never realized how vulnerable Sandra had been all those years of Eve’s childhood. “I’ll think about it, Sandra.”

“You do that.” She stood up. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. I’ll be ready to go with you.” She headed for the bedroom. “Then maybe we’ll stop and have lunch. If you have enough money. I’m broke again. Money just seems to run right through my fingers.”

On dope. But Sandra hadn’t seemed to be on anything that night. Or if she had, it hadn’t been obvious. She had been sincere and gentle, and if Eve hadn’t been so upset, she would have been touched.

She was touched, she realized. Admit it. She was only trying to harden her heart to Sandra because she’d been hurt so many times before. Strange, she didn’t usually admit that Sandra could hurt her, even to herself. Maybe she felt a kinship because of the baby she was carrying. But how could that be when the child wasn’t even real to her yet?

She wouldn’t tear this feeling apart and examine it. She had needed someone, and Sandra had been there. It hadn’t happened for years. Maybe that had been partly her fault. She had withdrawn from Sandra when she had realized that she couldn’t trust her to be there for her. How long ago? She couldn’t remember.

And she didn’t want to think about Sandra just then. It was time she stopped sitting in the dark and feeling sorry for herself. She had to make a choice whether to give up and let life run over her as it had Sandra or fight back.

There was no choice. She would rather step in front of a train than let herself be beaten down by what had happened to her. She had to find a way to cope.

All right, sit still. Let herself get over the shock and pain of what had happened to her first.

No. Nothing had “happened” to her. She couldn’t blame anyone, not even fate. She had been so dizzy with the need for him that she hadn’t been thinking clearly and coolly as she usually did. She had done this herself by lust and stupidity and overconfidence. Accept it and go on.

And try desperately to find a way out of this web that was about to smother her.

*   *   *

EVE HAD ALREADY SHOWERED and dressed the next morning by the time Sandra wandered into the living room.