Текст книги "The Face of Deception"

Автор книги: Iris Johansen

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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Eve nodded.

Good. I need a few minutes to pull myself to-gether. It seems impossible its all gone down She swallowed. I thought I had you. I thought your Bonnie was the key.

She was the key.

But you gave up the chance to

The stakes were too high. You hurt people I cared about.

I was going to do it, you know. I was going to keep my promise about finding Bonnie. Keeping my word about her would have made me feel better.

I believe you.

Eve tensed as Lisa rose to her feet.

Lisa shook her head. Im not going to try to hurt you. Im the one whos the walking wounded. Youvedestroyed me.

You destroyed yourself. Where are you going?

I dropped Bens skull when I ran for the heli-copter. She fell to her knees beside the skull. Its so hellip; small. It surprises me. He was such a big man. In every way, Ben was larger than lifehellip;

Until you killed him.

Lisa acted as if she hadnt heard her. He was so smart. He had such dreams. And he would have made them all come true. She stroked the left cheekbone. She whispered, What an incredible man you were, Ben Chadbourne.

Lisas touch was almost loving, Eve realized with shock. All the horror, all the terror was gone.

Lisas eyes were glistening with tears when she glanced up at Eve. The tabloids are going to want photographs of him. They always like the shots that are the most morbid and ugly. Dont let them take a picture of Ben like this. I want everyone to remember him as he was. Fight them. Promise me.

I promise. No pictures except the ones entered as evidence at the trial. After that, Ill see that he goes home.

Home. She was silent a moment, and when she spoke again there was wonder in her tone. It actu-ally matters to me. But it wouldnt matter to Ben. He always said its what we leave behind that matters, not what we become or where we go after we die. She stared down at the scorched skull and tears welled in her eyes again. God, this hurts me, Ben. I didnt think Id have to see you. You told me I wouldnt have to see you.

Eve froze. What did you say?

Lisa looked at her. I loved him, she said simply. Ive always loved him. I always will. He was kind and caring and extraordinary. Did you really think I could kill a man like that?

You did kill him. Or had Maren kill him for you.

I persuaded Scott to prepare the shot. She low-ered her eyes to the skull. But Ben took the hypo-dermic from Scott and injected himself. He didnt want Scott to have the responsibility. That was the kind of man he was.

Why?

Ben was dying of cancer. He found out a month after he was inaugurated.

It was a moment before Eve recovered enough to ask, Suicide?

No, suicides are cowardly. There was nothing cowardly about Ben. He just wanted to spare She stopped for a moment to steady her voice. He planned it all. He knew that all his dreams were going down the tube. Wed worked for fifteen years to get him into the White House. What a team we werehellip; He had to choose Mobry as vice president because we needed the South, but he always said I was the one who should have been on the ticket. I didnt care. I knew Id be there to help him. Then to find out that he was going to die before he could accomplish what he needed to hellip; It wasnt fair. He couldnt stand it.

He planned it all.

He chose Kevin Detwil. He told me how to handle him, what to tell him to make him most effective. He knew Id need Timwick. He told me what bait to use to get him to cooperate.

Timwick knew about his illness?

No, Timwick thought it was murder. Ben be-lieved hed be more controllable if he thought he was an accomplice to the murder of the President. He was right. She smiled bitterly. He was right about everything. Everything was going well. We all had our jobs to do. Mine was to control Kevin and work behind the scenes to make sure that Bens bills passed. I managed to get seven through Congress this term. Do you realize how hard I worked?

And what was Timwicks job? Eve asked grimly.

It wasnt meant to be killing. He was just there for protection and to make it easier to deceive everyone. He got scared. He panicked and I couldnt control him.

Then your Ben evidently wasnt right about him.

He would have been right if everything had gone as planned. If Donnelli had done what he was supposed to do. If Logan had never entered the pic-ture. She looked at Eve. If youd decided to mind your own business.

If no one else became suspicious.

What were the odds of that happening? Bens plan was almost foolproof. Do you realize what youve destroyed? We wanted to bring compassion and order to government. We wanted only to help people. It wasnt fair that we werent going to get the chance.

You committed murder. Even if you didnt kill your husband, you ordered Fiske to kill.

I didnt want I didnt mean It all went crazy, I dont know how. But I promised Ben Id see it through. It was my job. I had to do it. Dont you understand? One thing just flowed into the other, and suddenly I was caught up in She stopped. Im behaving very badly. I should have a little dignity. Particularly since this is probably all still being taped. She straightened, threw back her shoulders, and suddenly a brilliant smile lit her face. You see, I can get through this. I can get through anything. Ill smile and be sincere and they wont believe those tapes.

Oh, I think they will. Its over, Lisa.

She lifted her chin. Not until Ive fought the last fight.

Would Ben want you to fight? A scandal of this magnitude will disrupt the government for months and tarnish everything youve done for him.

Ill know the moment to quit and step asidehellip; just as Ben did. She was silent a moment and then shook her head. Its rather ironic that you set up our meeting at Camp David. Did you know that FDR called Camp David Shangri-La?

No.

Shangri-La. A lost dreamhellip; Her gaze shifted to the edge of the trees. Theyre coming. I believe Ill go to meet them. Boldness is always best.

Eve watched her move gracefully across the glade toward the place where Logan and three other cars had pulled to a stop.

The gun.

Lisa had stopped beside the gun that Timwick had tossed away and was looking down at it.

No!

Youve destroyed everything Ben and I have worked for. You think Im a murderer. I could pick that gun up and prove you right. I dont think Im in range of your friends over there. Are you afraid of dying, Eve?

No, I dont think so.

I dont believe you are either. I think youre afraid of living. She glanced over her shoulder. I would have found your Bonnie. Youll have to live with that knowledge. Now you may never find her. I hope you dont. She gave the gun a little kick to one side. You see how nonviolent I am? Rejecting the op-portunity for revenge, going forward to meet justice. She smiled. Good-bye, Eve. Maybe Ill see you in court. She started back across the glade. And then again, maybe I wont.

She thinks she can get out of it, Eve told Logan as she watched Lisa get into the back of the car with FBI agents. She just might do it.

Not if we keep her separated from Kevin Detwil. Theyre going to try to isolate her for the next twenty-four hours. Its going to be difficult as hell considering who she is. Chief Justice Bennett is going directly to Detwil and play him the tape.

You think hell fall apart?

Probably. Hes always needed her to bolster him. If he doesnt crumble immediately, theres always the list. That should do it.

But why was Detwils name on the list too? I can understand Timwick. He was becoming unstable and threatening her plans. But she needed Detwil for an-other term.

I doubt if he was an immediate target. She probably put his name on the list to intrigue Fiske. What more difficult target than the President?

But she would have done it eventually.

Oh, yes, Detwil was living proof. I imagine she would have had Fiske set up some DNA-destroying accident. Maybe the explosion of Air Force One.

There are a lot of people who travel with the President on Air Force One.

Do you think that would matter to her?

Yes. No. She shook her head. God, I dont know. Maybe.

He took her arm. Come on, lets get out of here.

Where are we going?

Youre letting me choose? How refreshing. After bulldozing me into trapping Lisa Chadbourne, I was sure youd have some plan.

She was all out of plans. She was all out of energy. She felt drained. I want to go home.

Not yet, Im afraid. Were going to Senator Lathrops house and stay there until the first uproar is over and were officially cleared of suspicion. They dont want some gun-happy government man shooting us by mistake.

How kind, she said ironically.

Not kind. Were very valuable material wit-nesses. Well be under strict guard until this is over.

When can I go home?

A week.

She shook her head. Three days tops.

Well try. His brow lifted. But remember, we are, after all, dealing with the overturning of a presidency.

You deal with it, Logan. She got into the car. Three days. Then Im going home and see Joe and Mom.

TWENTY-THREE

WASHINGTON, D.C.

"Its a madhouse. Eve turned away from the lace-curtained window. There must be hundreds of re-porters out there. Why the hell dont they go bother someone else?

Were a big story, Logan said. Bigger than O.J. Bigger than Whitewater. Bigger than Clintons pecca-dilloes. Get used to it.

I dont want to get used to it. She was prowling back and forth across the senators library like a rest-less tiger. Its been five days. I need to get home. I need to see Joe.

You told me your mom said Joe was getting better every day.

But they wont let me talk to him.

Why not?

How the hell do I know? Im not there. She stopped before his chair, hands clenched. Im cooped up here in thishellip; this place. I cant go out without getting mobbed. We couldnt even go to Gils or Garys funerals. And its not going to stop, is it?

Logan shook his head. I tried to tell you. The minute Detwil broke down and confessed, it trig-gered a frenzy.

And they had been in the center of that frenzy, Eve thought. Theyd been kept virtual prisoners in the senators house, watching the explosion of events on television. Kevin Detwil confesses, Chet Mobry sworn in as president, Lisa Chadbourne imprisoned.

Its going to go on and on, she said. Its like living in a fishbowl. How will I work? How will I live? I cant stand it.

The media will lose interest eventually. After the court case is over, well be yesterdays news.

That may take years. I think I may strangle you, Logan.

No, you wont. He smiled. Then you wouldnt have anyone to share your misery with. Company is important at a time like this.

I dont want your company. I want Mom and Joe.

The minute you go home to them, theyll be tar-gets too. They wont be able to move without a camera fixed on them. They wont have a life either. Do you think your mothers relationship with her new beau will withstand that kind of stress? What about Joe Quinn? How will the Atlanta P.D. react to a detective who cant take two steps without being on TV? How about his marriage? Will his wife like

Shut up, Logan.

Im trying to give it to you straight. Youre the one who told me always to be honest with you.

You knew it would be like this.

I didnt think of the media repercussions. I sup-pose I should have considered them, but I just wanted her brought down. That seemed the only important thing.

He was telling the truth. She wished he werent. She was so frustrated, she needed to blame someone, anyone.

He added quietly, And I believe in the end that was the only thing important to you too.

Yes. She went back to the window. But it shouldnt be like this. We brought her down and now were drowning with her.

I wont let you drown. He was suddenly standing behind her, his hands lightly resting on her shoulders. Not if you let me help you, Eve.

Can you give me my life back?

I intend to do that. It just may take a while. He was massaging the taut muscles in her shoulders. He bent and whispered in her ear, Youre too tense. I be-lieve you need a vacation.

I need to work.

Maybe we can combine the two. Did you know I have a house on an island just south of Tahiti? Its very secluded besides having excellent security. I go there when I need to escape for one reason or another.

What are you saying?

Im saying that you need to escape, and so do I. It would take a very enterprising reporter to follow us that far. He added roughly, And look at you. Youve been through hell and Im to blame for most of it. Let me try to make amends. You need to rest and heal. Its boring as the devil on the island. Nothing to do but walk on the beach, read, and listen to music.

It didnt sound boring. It sounded like salvation. She slowly turned to look at him. I could work?

He made a face. I should have known that was coming. Ill have a lab built for you. Margaret will do it right this time.

Will they let us go?

The judicial powers that be? I dont anticipate any problem as long as they know where we are and that we arent going to disappear permanently. The last thing they want are leaks or testimony compro-mised by the media.

When could we leave?

Ill check and make sure, but possibly early next week.

I could stay there until Im needed?

As long as you like.

She gazed out the window at the horde of re-porters across the street. They looked hungry, but she knew theyd never get enough. Some of them were probably kind, but after Bonnie had disappeared she could remember an occasional reporter saying some-thing deliberately hurtful so they could catch the pain in her expression. She couldnt go through that again.

Youll do it? Logan asked.

She slowly nodded.

Good. And you wont mind if Im there too? Youre not the only one who needs to escape. Its a big plantation house and I promise I wont get in your way.

I dont mind. Peace. Sunlight. Work. She wouldnt mind anything if it meant getting away from all this uproar. Once I begin working, I probably wont know youre around.

Oh, I think you will. You have to surface some-time and well be fairly isolated. He moved toward the door. Ill be pretty hard to miss.

Ten minutes. The head nurse frowned as she stared over Eves head at the crowd of reporters being held back by hospital security. We cant tolerate this dis-ruption. Weve had enough trouble keeping the media away from Mr. Quinn. Hes a sick man.

I wont disturb him. I just want to see him.

Ill run interference with the reporters, Logan said. Take as long as you need.

Thanks, Logan.

And do you suppose since were going to go to a desert island together you might call me John?

Its not a desert island, its a tropical island, and I dont think I could get used to another name now.

Ten minutes, the head nurse repeated. Room 402.

Joe was sitting up in bed and she stopped inside the door just to look at him.

I didnt expect You lookhellip; wonderful. How long have you been sitting up?

He scowled. Youd know if youd bothered to call.

I did call. Every day. There was some foul-up. They wouldnt let me talk to you.

A flicker of undefinable expression crossed his face. You called?

Of course I called. Do you think Id lie to you?

No. He smiled. Then I suppose Ill have to permit you to come over here and give me a hug. Gently, of course. They just let me off my back yesterday and Im not going to make waves. These nurses are tough.

Ive noticed. Ive got only ten minutes. She walked over to the bed and hugged him. But that should be long enough, since youre being so surly. She sniffed. And you stink of antiseptic.

Always complaining. I give my lifes blood for you, and do I get any appreciation?

No. She sat down on the bed. You were stupid and Id have never forgiven you if youd died, Joe.

I know. Thats why I didnt.

She took his hand. It felt warm and strong andhellip; Joe. Thank you, God. I sent Mom a copy of the tape from the wire and told her to play it for you. I hope she got through that army of nurses. Logan had to promise the Justice Department the moon to get a copy of it.

She got through. You seem to be the only one having trouble getting through to me. He laced his hand through hers. And that tape nearly gave me a heart attack. Why the hell did Logan let you do it?

He couldnt stop me.

His lips tightened. I would have stopped you.

Bullshit.

Did you have to go rushing in? Couldnt you have waited?

She killed Gary. She whispered, And I thought she might still kill you.

So Im to blame.

You bet you are. So stop yelling at me. I couldnt wait for you to rise from the dead and help me. I had to do it myself.

With Logans help. He scowled. But not enough help, damn him.

Lisa held out an opportunity, but it was for me, not him. Logan helped big-time. He set up the sce-nario to reel in Timwick. He had your friend at the newspaper contact Timwick and show him the list, and then arrange for Logan to see him. Do you know how dangerous that could have been? What if Timwick hadnt been as desperate and frightened as we hoped?

Have they caught Timwick yet?

No, he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth.

No one can disappear without leaving traces. His brow was creased in thought. He has to be caught. Hes an end that has to be tied up or it will bug you for

Not you, Joe.

Did I say I intended to go after him? Im only a wounded crock of a man. Why are you worried? Timwick fell apart. Hes no threat.

You corner a rat and you get bitten.

Then why did you set up that meeting with Lisa Chadbourne and Timwick? You pushed her to the limit. There was no telling what her reaction was going to be. Someone should have been there to back you up.

It wouldnt have been logical for Logan to be at the meeting.

Screw logic.

You know Im right. Lisa Chadbourne would have known Logan would never agree to my giving up that skull for Bonnie. In order to ring true, I had to pretend Id taken the skull and run.

He was silent a moment. And did it ring true? Just how close did you come to going along with her?

You know the answer to that.

Tell me. How close?

Close.

Why not all the way?

She shrugged. Maybe I didnt trust her. Maybe I doubted she could do it. Maybe I was too angry about what shed done to you and Gary.

And maybe its the first step.

What?

Nothing. He squeezed her hand. But no more of this shit until Im up and strong enough to keep you in line. Logans doing a lousy job.

Hes smart enough not to try. She paused. And actually hes being very kind. Hes going to take me away to some island he owns in the South Pacific until all this media frenzy is over.

Oh?

She didnt like the sound of that. Its a good idea. I can work there. You know how impossible it would be for me here. Its almost worse than Its really a good idea, Joe.

He was silent.

Joe?

I think youre right. You need the rest and you need to get away. I think you should go with him.

You do?

He grinned. Dont look so stunned. You told me yourself what a good idea it is. Im just agreeing.

Good, she said uncertainly.

Is Logan here with you?

She nodded. Were leaving for Tahiti as soon as I say good-bye to Mom.

When you leave, will you tell him to come in and see me for a minute?

Why?

Why do you think? Im going to tell him to take good care of you or Ill toss him into a volcano. Does Tahiti have volcanoes?

She chuckled, relieved. His island is actually south of Tahiti.

Whatever. His hand tightened on hers. Now, shut up. I figure I have five minutes left and I want to spend it looking at you, not listening to you gush about Tahiti.

I dont gush.

But she didnt want to talk either. She just wanted to sit there and feel the peace and well-being she al-ways felt when she was with Joe. In a world where everything was turned upside down, he really hadnt changed. He was alive and strong and would get stronger every day.

It was good to know that when she came back, everything would be exactly the same.

You wanted to see me? Logan asked warily.

Joe gestured to the chair next to the bed. Sit down.

Why do I feel as if Ive been summoned to the principals office?

Guilt?

Logan shook his head. Dont play that game with me, Quinn. Im not buying it.

You accused me of deceiving Eve and youre doing it yourself. She thinks youre being kind to her.

I will be kind.

Youd better be. She needs it now. He added de-liberately, And if she so much as calls and tells me shes broken a fingernail on that island, Ill be there.

Youre not invited. He smiled faintly. And, for your information, there are no volcanoes on the island.

She told you?

She was amused. She was relieved that you didnt give her any arguments. I was a little relieved myself, but, after I thought about it, I realized that it would have been a wrong move on your part. You dont make many wrong moves, Quinn.

Neither do you. You handled Eve very smoothly. She honestly thinks you only want to make amends and help her get her life together.

I do want to help her.

And you also want her in your bed.

Absolutely. He paused. But I also want her in my life for as long as I can keep her there. He smiled. That shook you. You dont mind the idea of a sexual interlude, but you dont want me to become com-mitted. Its too late. I am committed and Im going to make a damn good stab at making sure she becomes committed too.

Joe looked away. It wont be easy.

I have time and solitude on my side. Shes a re-markable woman. I dont intend to let her go. No matter what you do.

But Ive no intention of doing anything. Joes gaze shifted back to him. Right now. I want her to go away with you. I want her to go to bed with you. If you can, I want you to make her love you.

Logan lifted a brow. How generous. May I ask why?

It will be the best possible thing for her. She needs it to come back to life. She made a break-through when she gave up the chance to get Bonnie back. You can help her take another step.

So youre prescribing me as therapy?

Call it what you like.

Logans gaze narrowed on Joes face. But, God, you hate it, dont you?

Joe didnt answer the question. Its the best thing to do. You can help her right now. I cant. He added, But if this experience doesnt prove as good for her as I hope, believe me, I can always find a volcano.

Logan believed him. Quinn was lying wounded in that bed and should have looked helpless. He didnt look helpless. He looked strong and contained and en-during. Logan remembered when he had judged Quinn one of the most intimidating men hed ever met. Now he realized the protective side of Quinn was even more dangerous. Ill be very good for her. He couldnt resist a tiny goad as he moved toward the door. Of course, you may not be able to judge. We may be too busy to see much of you in the future.

Dont try to stand between us. It wont work. We have too much history. He stared straight into Logans eyes. And all I have to do is tell her that I have a new skull and need her and shell come.

The hell she will. What kind of bastard are you? You want her to heal, but youre ready to pull her back into that world.

Youve never understood, Quinn said wearily. She needs it. And as long as she needs it, Ill give it to her. Ill give her anything in the whole damn world she needs. Including you, Logan. He turned his head away. Now, get out of here. Shes waiting.

Logan wanted to tell him to go to hell. He did understand Eve and he was going to be good for her. All he needed was the chance, and Quinn was giving him that chance.

Quinn? What the hell? He was acting as if Quinn was some powerful figure standing behind the scenes, pulling all the strings.

Bullshit.

Eve is waiting. He opened the door. Shes waiting for me , Quinn. In three hours well be on board that flight that will take us a world away from you. Have a nice day.

He was grinning as he sauntered down the hall toward Eve.

Damn, that last jab felt good.

She was here. Diane stood in the doorway. The nurses are all talking about it at the desk. Why did Eve come?

Why not? She wanted to see me. Joes gaze nar-rowed on her face. She was worried because she couldnt reach me by phone. The hospital wouldnt put her through.

An almost indiscernible emotion flickered across her face. Really?

Guilt, he recognized wearily. Hed been hoping it wasnt true. Or maybe hed been hoping she had done it. It would give him an excuse to do what he should do.

You know, dont you? Diane said bitterly. I broke the rules. I interfered. Her hands clenched at her sides. Well, dammit, I had a right to do it. Im your wife. I thought I could go on watching the two of you together, but shes interfering with our life and I wont have it. Do you know what people are saying about the way she drew you into this mess? Its not fair. Its bad enough for me to know how little I count. Youve shown the whole world that you dont give a damn about

Its true, he said gently. Everything you say is absolutely true, Diane. Ive not been fair and youve been very patient. Im sorry I got you into this. I was hoping it would work.

She didnt speak for a moment. It can still work. She moistened her lips. You just have to Maybe I lost my temper and said some things I didnt mean. We just have to talk this out and come to a fair compromise.

But she was asking for the one compromise he couldnt make. He had disappointed and hurt her enough. He wasnt going to keep on doing it. Shut the door and come and sit down, he said quietly. Youre right, we do have to talk.

Are you okay? Logan stood beside Eve, who was looking out the window from her airplane seat. Your hands are clutching the arms of that chair as if it were going to take off without you.

She released her grip. Im fine. It just seems strange leaving home and going so far away. Ive never been out of the country.

Really? He sat down beside her. I didnt know that. But then, there are a lot of things I dont know about you. Its a long flight. Maybe we could talk?

You want me to confide all my girlhood dreams, Logan?

Why not?

Because I dont remember having any girlhood dreams. Ive always thought they were sappy fairy tales made up by Madison Avenue.

Adult dreams?

No way.

God, youre a difficult woman. His gaze went to the metal case on the floor beside her. Is that what I think it is?

Mandy.

Its a good thing we have a private charter. You would have scared airport security if that had passed through X ray. His gaze was still on the case. Im afraid Id forgotten about her. But, of course, you wouldnt have forgotten.

No, I dont forget.

Thats both promising and terrifying. I hope youre not planning on working on her during the flight?

She shook her head. It wouldnt be safe. Turbulence.

What a relief. I could see bones flying about like shrapnel. Im glad youre waiting until you get to the island. Okay, since youre not working and you wont tell me your innermost secrets, maybe we could play cards?

He was smiling at her and trying to make her feel at ease. A little of her loneliness and tension ebbed away, and she felt warmth ripple through her. He was right. The flight was going to be long. The time theyd spend together before she would have to come back to the real world was going to be even longer. So make it as easy for him as he was trying to make it for her. Maybe we could.

A first break in the armor, he murmured. If Im lucky, youll even smile at me by the time we reach Tahiti.

Only if youre really lucky, Logan.

She smiled at him.

EPILOGUE

"This beach isnt like the one near Pensacola Bonnie said. Its nice but I think I like the water better there. This surf is too smooth.

Eve turned her head to see Bonnie building a sand castle a few yards away. Its been a long time. I thought maybe I wasnt going to dream about you again.

I decided to stay away awhile and give you a chance to let me fade away. Bonnie put a finger into the side of her castle and began to make a window. It was the least I could do when Joe was making such an effort.

Joe?

And Logan too. They both want the best for you. She made another window. Youve been having a good time here, havent you? Youre much more relaxed than when you came.

Eve looked out at the light shimmering on the blue ocean. I like the sun.

And Logan has been real nice to you.

Yes, he has. What an understatement. During these months she had tried to keep Logan at a distance, but he wouldnt have it. He had drawn closer and closer both mentally and physically until he had become firmly entrenched in her life. The development filled her with a mixture of comfort and uneasiness.

Youre worried about him. You dont have to be. Everything shifts and changes with time. Sometimes things start out one way and become something else down the road.

Dont be ridiculous. Im not worried about him. Logan can take care of himself.

Then, why are you so restless?

I guess I feel as if Im marking time. She made a face. And I have to go back next month and give my testimony against Lisa Chadbourne in court. Im dreading that. Detwil has made a deal to testify against her, but shes still fighting.

I dont think youll have to testify.

Of course I will

Bonnie shook her head I think shes already de-cided its time to give up. Shes done all she could for Ben. She wont want it all to come out in court.

Shes going to confess?

Bonnie shook her head But it will be over.

Ill know the moment to quit and step asidehellip; just like Ben did, Lisa had said.

Dont think about it, Bonnie said It makes you sad.

It shouldnt. She did terrible things.

Youre having a hard time because she wasnt like Fraser. It frightens you to know that the best of inten-tions can spawn evil. And what she did was evil, Mama.

I think she would have found you, baby. I think she would have kept her promise.

And killed you.

Maybe not. Maybe I could have found a wayhellip; Im sorry, Bonnie. Maybe if I hadnt wanted so badly to trap her, I could have done something to

Will you stop it? I keep telling you thats impor-tant only to you. It doesnt matter.

It does matter. She swallowed I thought when you didnt come to I mean when I didnt dream of you that you might be angry. Because I hadnt chosen to bring you home when I had the chance.

For goodness sake, I was glad you didnt knuckle under to her. But all that agonizing you did afterward was a great disappointment to me. Joes right, youve taken your first step. You chose life instead of a pile of bones, but you still have a long way to go.