Текст книги "A Summer Smile "

Автор книги: Iris Johansen

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Perhaps she would be back before Daniel awoke, she thought wistfully. She quickly grabbed under-things, jeans, a longsleeved white sweatshirt, and her boots from the closet and then disappeared into the bathroom. However, with Pandora there was no telling. She'd better leave Daniel a note.

A short time later she was crossing the stable-yard. The sun still hadn't risen, though there were faint lavender streaks piercing the blue-gray clouds. She loved this time of the morning when the world was so silent that she could hear her footsteps on the soft turf. It reminded her of the many times she and Jess Bradford had risen at this hour and ridden out in the predawn mornings at the ranch. There was something about the quiet and serenity of this time of day that bred a comfortable companionship, a silent joining of the spirit.

She knew at once, when she caught sight of Pandora leaning against the fence, staring blindly out into the pasture, that there would be no serene, companionable ride this morning.

Pandora was dressed in her customary riding garb of jeans and dark ribbed sweater but that was all that was usual about her. Pandora's back was to her and Zilah couldn't read the expression on her face, but it was scarcely necessary. That back was braced with a tense rigidity as if to bear some torturous strain. She could almost see the effort the girl was making to retain control.

"Pandora?"

Pandora didn't turn around. "I saddled up Dancing Lady for you. She's still in the stall. I wasn't sure when you'd be coming. I thought I'd wait around until you got here though." She laughed shakily. "I didn't want you to think I'd stood you up."

"Pandora, what's wrong?" Zilah had drawn next to the girl and was gazing searchingly at her averted face. "What's happened?"

"Nothing much." Pandora's slim, nervous hands tightened on the bars of the fence. "It's just turned out that I'm not going to be around here anymore. I'm going away this morning. Philip gave me the good news when he drove me home last night. I'm to be whisked away in Philip's helicopter to Marasef and put on a plane for England. Isn't that exciting?"

"England?" Zilah echoed, shocked. "I don't understand."

"Don't you?" Pandora asked tautly. "Philip says that the private schools in England are very good. He's sending me to his agent in London, who's going to find just the right one for me. Philip's specified that it have a fine stable and that it specialize in training Olympic equestrian candidates. Isn't that absolutely wonderful?"

"But why so suddenly? He didn't seem at all angry last night."

"You don't understand." Pandora's words were coming with feverish rapidity. "This isn't a punishment. He's only doing what's best for me. That's what he said. This is what's best for you, Pandora.' He kept saying that over and over. He wouldn't listen to me." One hand released the bar and balled into a fist that turned her knuckles white. "He wouldn't listen to me."

"What about your father? Doesn't he have anything to say about this?"

"I told you, he does anything Philip tells him to do. If Philip told him to send me to darkest Africa to make a meal for the cannibals, he would do it."

"England isn't so bad," Zilah said gently. "Perhaps this will be best for you. Why don't you give it a chance? Philip must have thought it was, or he wouldn't be sending you away." She felt achingly sorry for the girl. She wanted to reach out and hold her, comfort her, but that control was too fragile. It might shatter at any moment.

Pandora muttered a curse that was charged with pain. "That' s not the reason he's sending me away," she said with a violence that had a touch of desperation. "I was coming too close. Philip won't let anyone come too close. He knew I'd never stop trying to make him—" She broke off and drew a deep shaky breath. "I knew that, when he was giving me all that hogwash about doing what was best for me. He just wanted to get the kid away and out of his life. He'd be safe then." She shrugged. "Maybe he doesn't even know it himself."

"Well, if you can't do anything—"

"The hell I can't!" Pandora turned to face her, and Zilah experienced a shock at the agony in the young girl's face. Agony and a relentless purpose. Her dark eyes were glowing with an almost incandescent strength. "He can send me away but he can't make my choices as to how I run my life. He can keep his wonderful school. I'll find my own way." She closed her eyes. "And it will be my way. I'll get over this pain," she whispered. "You'll see, I'll get over it." She opened her eyes that were glittering with unshed tears. "Good-bye, Zilah. I'll try to keep in touch."

Then she was gone. Running across the stable-yard as if she were a creature of the night fleeing the dawn.

Oh, God, such pain. It didn't seem fair that she. herself, was so happy and full of hope when Pandora was so miserable. She couldn't let her go without try ing to speak to her again. Perhaps Daniel could talk to Philip. . . . No, that would serve no purpose. She had an idea the sheikh was an immovable obje; when he made up his mind. It would only put a stra I on the friendship that Daniel valued so highly Pandora's father was in accord, there was nothing

anyone could do to prevent her being sent to England. Perhaps the best thing Zilah could do would be to try to reconcile Pandora to the idea and offer her all the support she could give her.

Zilah suddenly had no desire to go riding. All she wanted to do was go back to Daniel's arms, where she felt so secure. Where she could experience again that hope she had known this morning. She had turned away and had already taken a few strides toward the house when she stopped suddenly. Dancing Lady. Pandora had said she had already saddled her. She'd have to go into the stable and unsaddle her. Her steps were quick with impatience as she crossed the stableyard and entered the shadowy stall-lined barn. Dancing Lady was in the first stall, and Zilah reached for the latch to open the wooden gate.

"I thought for a few minutes you were going to disappoint me."

She froze. Her heart stopped and then started beating again in double-time. Hassan!

He stepped out from behind a high stack of baled hay, his rifle held almost casually in the crook of his arm. "You looked as if you were undecided whether to come into the stable or not." He smiled mockingly, his dark eyes gleaming in the dim light. "That would have been a pity. I was getting tired of my long vigil. I've been here almost twenty-four hours, you know. I was even tempted to take the little silver-haired girl as hostage when she came in this morning to saddle the mare. I stopped only because I didn't know who she was. After waiting so long I didn't want to waste my valuable time on a nobody."

"How did you know I was here?" Zilah asked jerkily.

"This is a very small world and the sheikh and his guests are of prominent interest to the residents. I asked a few discreet questions in the bazaar." His

hand tightened on the stock of the rifle. "I listened and I watched. I even saw you and Seifert at a distance on one of your early morning rides a few days ago. Did you know this rifle has a telescopic sight?" His palm rubbed the wood caressingly. "I can't tell you how close I was to killing Seifert. But it wouldn't have done me any good to kill him if you got away. Then they would have gotten scared and moved you to Zalandan right away."

"You still think you can get away with holding me hostage?" Zilah shook her head. "It didn't work last time." She lifted her chin. "Daniel made fools of you and your men."

"He caught us off guard," Hassan snarled. "It won't happen again." A wavering ray of light flickered into the dimness and she could see him more clearly. The sight wasn't encouraging. He looked wild, desperate, and very deadly. His madras shirt and black pants were dirty and stained and he had a dark stubble on his thin cheeks.

"They've already caught the other three men and they'll catch you too." Hassan had stiffened at her words. "You didn't know that, did you? They caught them yesterday morning."

"They were cowards and fools. They gave up before the game was half played." Hassan's lips twisted. "Now that I have you, the game begins again with a brand new deck of cards. This time I'll have to think of something to do to you to convince Ben Raschid that the game is to be played in earnest."

Zilah felt a chill of terror run down her spine. "But you don't have me." She tried to keep her voice steady. "How do you expect to get me away from the compound? Someone is sure to see you."

"Then they'll also see the gun at your back." He smiled faintly. "And I doubt if they'll interfere."

"Zilah, I'm glad I caught you," Daniel said as he entered the stable. He was grinning and his voice was light and teasing. "What the devil do you mean running out—" He broke off as he saw the tenseness in her figure.

He stiffened, his body automatically tautening with the instinct of a jungle animal sensing danger. Then his gaze discovered the threatening figure in the deeper shadows to the left of the door. He uttered a low, violent curse.

"Ah, our special envoy, Mr. Seifert," Hassan said silkily. "This is an unexpected pleasure. I thought I was going to have to demand your head as part of the ransom of my brother, but now that won't be necessary."

"You're a fool, Hassan. Clancy Donahue has half the agents on the security team scouring the province for you. You'll never get away with it," Daniel said roughly. "If you're smart, you'll run like hell and only hope it's fast enough."

"I don't give up that easily. My brother is rotting in that tyrant's prison in Marasef." Hassan's eyes were flickering wildly in his taut face. "The others may give in, but I will not." He gestured with the rifle. "Get away from that door."

Daniel hesitated and then moved slowly to stand beside Zilah at the stall. He watched with narrowed eyes while Hassan edged sidewise until he was standing in front of the open stable door facing them.

Hassan smiled with satisfaction. "Now, come along, my pretty whore, we have a long way to go."

Daniel took an impulsive step forward and then stopped as the barrel of the rifle lifted. "I'm going to kill you." Daniel's voice was deadly certain. "I hope you know that, Hassan. You're building your own funeral pyre, stick by stick."

"Am I?" A mocking smile touched Hassan's lips again. "I seem to have drawn blood. Is it possible you feel something more than responsibility for the pretty lady? I've heard that some men form sentimental attachments to prostitutes on occasion, but I thought you were a man of discrimination."

"Hassan ..." Daniel grated warningly between set teeth.

"Did she tell you about the House of the Yellow Door? Hassan taunted. "She wasn't even a Khadim, just a common wh– Take another step and I'll put a bullet hole through the center of your forehead. I gather you didn't know about the lady's past."

"I knew."

Zilah felt a galvanic shock that was more traumatic than the one that had shaken her when she first saw Hassan. Her eyes flew to Daniel's set face. He had known all along! But if that were true, why hadn't he told her?

Hassan's brow rose. "Yet still so protective? She must be very good. I'll have to sample her myself while she's in my . . . care."

"Stick by stick," Daniel repeated coldly. "And it will be very painful, Hassan."

"But you won't be around to light that pyre." Hassan's finger tightened on the trigger. "Will you, Seifert?"

"No!" Zilah took an impulsive step forward. "Don't hurt him. I'm the one you want. Killing Daniel won't help free your brother. If you won't hurt him, I'll come with you without a struggle."

"Shut up, Zilah," Daniel said hoarsely.

"See how eager she is to try a new man?" Hassan's lips curved in a smug smile. "You'll do anything I want, won't you, pretty lady?"

"Yes, anything," Zilah whispered. "Please, don't kill him."

Daniel's face was drawn and haggard with pain. "For God's sake, Zilah, can't you see he's just—"

There was a sudden blur of movement and the rifle went off.

"Daniel!" Zilah wasn't even aware that she had screamed. But the bullet hadn't hit Daniel. It had ricocheted off the post beside them. The blur of movement had been Pandora bolting through the door and grabbing the rifle. She was now hanging on to Hassan like a ferocious little mongoose on a cobra. Then Daniel was across the yards separating them, ripping the gun from Hassan's grip with one hand and giving him a powerful karate blow on the neck with the other.

Hassan didn't make a sound as he slumped to the ground.

It was all over. It had happened so fast, Zilah felt slightly dazed. Daniel was safe. She felt such a surge of thanksgiving that her knees were shaking. She slowly crossed to where Daniel was stripping off his belt. He flipped the unconscious Hassan over on his stomach. "Are you all right?" he asked curtly. "He didn't hurt you before I got here?"

"No, I'm fine. I was here for only a few minutes with him. Before that I was in the stableyard with Pandora." She turned to Pandora, who was picking herself up off the floor and brushing hay and sawdust off her jeans. "Why did you come back? Not that I wasn't extremely glad to see you."

Pandora shrugged. "I didn't say good-bye to Oedpius. I couldn't leave without doing that. Then I saw that slime"—she gestured to Hassan—"pointing his gun at you. So I jumped him."

"And quite efficiently too," Daniel said with a grin. "If you ever need a job, remind me to give you a first-class recommendation to Clancy Donahue."

"You could have been killed," Zilah said.

"I wasn't," Pandora said simply. "No use looking back at might-have-beens."

It was almost as if it were Daniel speaking. Their philosophies were so similar. Practical, direct, honest.

Honest? Zilah felt an aftershock go through her as she remembered Daniel's admission that he had known about her past. Known and not told her that he had known.

"When did you find out about the House of the Yellow Door?" she whispered.

He didn't glance up from strapping Hassan's hands behind his back with a belt. "When you had the fever," he said absently. "You said something and I put Clancy through the third degree."

"Clancy told you," she repeated numbly. "Of course, Clancy knew everything. He was there." She folded her arms across her breasts. She was suddenly shivering. When hope died, it did that to you, she thought dully. It turned the whole world into ice. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought it best not to." He glanced up and saw the expression on her face. He suddenly stiffened warily. "It wasn't important anyway."

"Wasn't it?" Her voice was strained. "I think it was. I think it was very important. If I'd known, I never would have pushed as I did last night. You must have been very embarrassed. I'm sorry I put you in that position."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Daniel said roughly. "You're not making any sense."

"I think we both know what I'm talking about." Her voice broke. She mustn't let go. She had to be strong. "I understood perfectly. Daniel. You don't have to pretend any longer."

"Pretend? Dammit, Zilah. I don't even know what you're hinting at."

The tears were suddenly racing down her cheeks. "Stop it! Do you hear me? Stop it! I won't be pitied."

She turned and was running out the door. "I don't need it. I won't be pit—" She couldn't speak anymore. The sobs were shaking her body as she tore across the stableyard. She had to be alone. She had to go somewhere to hide, to lick her wounds and gain control again. She couldn't face Daniel again until she did. Poor Daniel. He had been so kind. Why hadn't she let well enough alone and not thrown herself at him last night? Now she had probably lost a friend as well as a lover. She climbed the fence and dropped down into the pasture. Then she was running wildly across the meadow toward the tamarisk trees and the poppy field that lay beyond.

Pandora turned away from the door. "She's running across the pasture," she said fiercely. "Why aren't you going after her? She was crying, dammit."

Daniel gave her a glance that was just as fierce. "Do you think I don't want to? Am I supposed to leave Hassan for you to handle by yourself?"

"Is that all?" Pandora picked up the rifle from the floor, went back out into the stableyard, and fired four shots into the air in rapid succession. "That should bring someone running." She turned and strode briskly back into the barn. She sat down cross-legged on the floor with the rifle barrel pressed to Hassan's head. "Get going."

Daniel stared at her in astonishment. Then a slow grin lit his face. "Well, I'll be damned." He stood up. "A recommendation. Anytime. You're quite a woman, Pandora."

She shook her head, her lips curving in a bittersweet smile. "I'm just a kid who doesn't know what's good for her. I have it on the best authority. Now, get going. Dancing Lady is already saddled."

He gave her a half salute before crossing the stable and opening the stall gate. He led the mare to the double doors that led to the stableyard. He hesitated,

not entirely sure that he should leave. Then he sighted two grooms running toward them across the stableyard and breathed a sigh of relief. Pandora should be perfectly safe now.

His lips tightened grimly. He only hoped Zilah would be equally safe. She had been crying so hard she must have been almost blinded by tears. Who knew what kind of trouble she could fall into? He swung into the saddle and cantered toward the pasture gate.

Ten

Zilah had nearly reached the meadow of wild poppies when she heard the hoofbeats. She didn't halt or look behind her even when she heard Daniel shouting her name.

Then he was almost on top of her. "Zilah, if you don't stop. I'm going to have to try to scoop you up like one of those blasted movie heros. You know what a lousy rider I am. We'll probably both end up in the dirt on our asses."

"Go away. I can't talk now." Her voice was still unsteady though the sobs that had shaken her had finally ceased. "I'll see you later. I want to be alone."

"The hell you do," Daniel said grimly. "You can just cut out the Garbo bit. There's no way I'm going to let you out of my sight until we get this straightened out. Now, are you going to stop or do I scoop?"

"Daniel, I . . ." He'd do it. She knew he would. She had seen that bulldog tenacity in action before. Oh, God, she wasn't going to be able to bear this. She stopped, trying desperately to maintain her delicately balanced control. "Please go away, Daniel."

He had reined in Dancing Lady and was swinging off the mare. "I can't do that," he said simply. "Any more than I can let you go. Ask me anything but that."

"Your responsibility is over. Hassan has been captured. I'm well again. There's no reason for you to pretend any longer."

"Pretend!" His hand grasped her shoulders and he gave her a shake. His eyes were blazing in his white face. "I don't know how to play games like that. I never learned. I don't want to learn."

"You played a fairly intricate one with me," she said. "You're obviously not as amateurish at it as you'd have me believe." She shook her head wearily. "I don't want to argue. It doesn't solve anything. I understand why you had to keep me here, Daniel, and I'm not blaming you. You told me Alex Ben Raschid wanted the terrorists. It was very clever of you to use me as a decoy. "

"Decoy? You think I kept you here as a lure for Hassan and his men?"

"Pandora said there was no medical reason for me to be here." Zilah's eyes were fixed on the top button of his shirt. She would not start weeping again. "You made the last ten days very pleasurable for me. I'm only sorry I forced you into that situation last night. I didn't understand."

Daniel uttered a round of unprintable words that caused her eyes to lift swiftly to his face.

"Come on." He led her a few paces away from the mare. "Sit down. This may take a while. I've never heard such a bunch of bull in my life." His hands on her shoulders forced her to her knees. He knelt beside her. "Now, I'm going to take this point by point and try to pound some sense into your head. It's either

that or I'm going to go bananas. First, why do you think I wanted you here to use you as bait? Didn't it ever occur to you there could be another reason?"

"What other reason could there be?" Zilah was staring blindly over his .shoulder. "It was a very clever move. Clancy must be pleased with you."

"For your information, Clancy threatened to nail my ass for keeping you here."

"He didn't agree with your plan?" she asked dully. "Well, you proved him wrong, didn't you?"

"There wasn't a plan, dammit." His voice was as exasperated as his expression. "I didn't have any plan but keeping you with me as long as I could get away with it."

"You don't have to spare my feelings. I know you don't feel anything for me but friendship. You've never behaved as anything other than a very kind older brother all the time I've been here." Her lips tightened with pain. "Until I forced myself on you last night."

"I think one of us is going crazy." Daniel's expression was stunned. "For God's sake, look at me. I'm twice your size and weight. You're speaking as if you held me down and raped me. I wasn't exactly fighting you off, was I?"

She shook her head miserably. "You were very kind. You're always ki—"

"Kind!" It was almost a roar. "Are you blind? I went out of my head loving you last night. I get excited just looking at you. I've been one big ache for the last ten days."

Her eyes widened uncertainly. "Is that true? Then why have you been so . .

"Because when you had that fever you looked at me as if I were some kind of monster. It scared the hell out of me." His lips were a flat line of remembered

pain. "I couldn"t risk your ever looking at me like that again. It hurt too damn much."

"You felt sorry for me." she whispered.

His breath released explosively. "Okay, let's go into that question of pity. The very idea seems to blow you sky high. You're damned right I pity you."

"Well, you can stop right now." She lifted her chin. "I don't want your pity any more than you wanted mine that night in the cave."

"I can't cut it off just because you don't want it," he said. "It exists. It nearly ripped my heart out when I heard what happened to you. I wanted to commit murder. Then I wanted to pick you up and put you in a glass case, where no one could ever hurt you again." His hands tightened on her shoulders. "No, not a glass case. I wanted to create a brand new world for you. A world where there was only sunshine and flowers. A place where children would never know pain or hunger or any of the twisted horrors that you did." His eyes were glistening as they looked into her own. "But I can't do that. I have to accept the world just as you do. I can only try to protect and care for you now. To make your world as beautiful as I can today and tomorrow." He shook his head. "But don't ask me not to pity you, or at least the child you were, Zilah."

"Will you stop talking about it!" The tears were running down her cheeks again. "I never wanted that. There's only one thing I ever wanted from you."

He went still. "And what's that, Zilah?"

"Never mind." She tried to shrug his hands from her shoulders. "I don't want to talk anymore. Please, let me go, Daniel."

His grip  tightened,  quelling her resistance "What did you want from me. Zilah?"

"I wanted you to love me," she burst out. "Wasn't that stupid? I wanted your love, not your damn pity.

His expression was stunned. "What the hell are

you talking about? Of course I love you. What do you think all this means?"

"I know you care about me as a friend," she said huskily. "I want more. I tried to be satisfied with the other, but it's not enough."

"Lord, you're muddle-headed." His hands left her shoulders and moved up to frame her face. His exasperation was suddenly gone and his expression held such exquisite tenderness that it caused her heart to flutter. "Listen carefully. I will love you as a friend, as a mistress, and as the mother of my future children. I will love you through rain and storm and sunshine. I will love you through peace and war and everything in between. I've loved you for so long that it seems forever, and I will love you beyond forever." He smiled gently. "Is that clear, love?"

Her eyes were misty and uncertain. "Truly?"

"Truly." He shook his head ruefully. "How could I help but love you? You're everything any man could want. Why the hell do you persist in doubting it? You're quite a woman, Zilah Dabala."

Joy was beginning to spread tentative golden tendrils through her. Daniel loved her. It was too wonderful to believe. Yet how could she help believing when he was looking at her like that? "I know I am." She smiled shakily. "Only, sometimes, I forget."

"Why do you forget?" Daniel asked, his expression grave and intent. "Why, Zilah?"

She bit her lip. "It's part of what happened to me I guess." She shrugged. "In spite of all the psychiatrist's soothing words, there are times when I still feel the dirtiness." She paused. "And the guilt."

"Guilt?" he asked, astonished. "For God's sake, you were a victim. An innocent victim of an atrocious crime. Would you feel guilt if you had been shot or stabbed?"

She smiled a little sadly. "But you see, it's the

very nature of the crime that instills the guilt. I know it's unreasonable. I don't know whether it's a reflection of society's attitude or some holdover from a time when women preferred 'death before dishonor.' " She looked up at him soberly. "You say you love me, but can you honestly say that you wouldn't rather I had been wounded by a bullet than forced to spend six months at the House of the Yellow Door?"

"You're damn right I can." He was silent a moment as if searching for words. "No, that's not true." She inhaled sharply as if he'd struck her. "Dammit, don't look like that. I didn't mean that I looked on your experience as any personal affront to me. I only meant that a bullet wouldn't have left an open festering wound as this has done. That it might have been easier for you. Not because of any so-called stigma."

"But then, you're an extraordinary man, Daniel." She shook her head. "I've had to accept the fact that a good many people don't feel the way you do."

"Then they're fools," Daniel said harshly. "And so are you if you pay any attention to them." He kissed her with a gentleness that was as beautiful as his words were rough. Joy again, blossoming, growing. She could almost accept it. He lifted his head, and when he spoke his voice was no longer harsh. It was deep and uneven and it rang with absolute truth. "Why should I find anything repulsive in what happened to you other than the pain itself? That experience is part of what made you what you are today. Do you know something? There's no question that I would have loved the girl you might have been without that experience. But, somehow. I'm not sure I would have loved her as much. You're stronger, deeper, wiser for what happened to you. It may have hurt you, but it also made you more gentle and sensitive to other people's pain." He had to stop for a moment before he could go on. "Do you remember what you told me about the poppy and how you had learned to accept the knowledge that it could also bring darkness and pain?"

She nodded slowly.

"You're like that poppy, Zilah. The stream of darkness only served to make you more hardy to endure the buffeting of the winds. It only made your blossoms brighter and more beautiful."

Her heart was so full that for a time she couldn't speak. He had said that he wasn't like David Bradford, but in that moment it was as if David were speaking. How lucky she was to have two such men in her life. "You do love me." There was a touch of wonder in her voice. Then as he frowned she held up her hand and grinned. "Sorry. You're right. I'm positively wonderful. I deserve to have everyone in the whole cockeyed world love me." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "But oh, I'm so glad that you do. Is it all right if I say that?"

"As long as you accompany it with a little declaration of your own," he said gruffly. "I have a few insecurities myself."

Her expression was stricken. "Oh, Lord, I didn't say it, did I? But you had to know. I practically threw myself at you last night."

"Women, on occasion, have been known to crave my irresistible physique without being in love with me." His dark blue eyes were twinkling. "Not many, you understand. I can count them on one—"

He broke off as she flew into his arms. "I love you." Her arms were hugging him with a force that took his breath. "I love you so much. I never thought I could love anyone the way I do you, Daniel. I've loved you ever since you tore off that silly false ear on the plane and threw it at Hassan." Her lips were brushing swift, frantic kisses over his throat, his bearded

cheeks, his ears. "Sometimes I thought I couldn't stand it when you were being so platonic. Not that it wasn't beautiful, too, but..."

"Okay. Okay." He was chuckling, but as he pushed her away she could see that his eyes were suspiciously bright. "When you make a declaration, you don't spare the horses." He kissed the tip of her nose. "And I thought I did the platonic bit very well, considering I was going through the fires of hell trying to keep you on a pedestal and out of my bed."

"Pedestal." Her smile faded slightly. "I have an idea we've been having a massive communication breakdown." Her face was suddenly thoughtful. "I have no use for that glass case you wanted to put me in, Daniel. I don't melt in the rain and I don't break with a little rough handling. In spite of all your fine words about how strong I am, I don't think you really understand that. I've had years of being looked after as though I were so fragile that a breath would blow me away. It was all done for the best of reasons and perhaps I needed it at first." She shook her head. "But not now. You've been whipping yourself because you thought you were so rough and selfish with me that night in the cave." She touched his lips with a trembling finger. "Don't you realize how I treasured that night? You were everything that was strong and true, and yet you needed me. You didn't take anything from me that night. I gave and it was wonderful. I want to keep on giving." Her words were just above a whisper. "Don't shut me away in your dream world of sunshine and flowers. I want to live in the real world. Because that's where you live, Daniel. And I couldn't live in a world without you, no matter how beautiful it was."