Текст книги "Jace"

Автор книги: Hall Sam

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I felt a horrified flush at the way those words sank into my skin, into my very being. It felt like they filled me with the most glorious warmth, one where pain, loneliness, ennui, boredom…everything that had plagued me since my parents died, sapping all the pleasure from life, was wiped away so thoroughly and shockingly, I wasn’t even sure how to reconcile that.

I was pulled in close, cradled against his chest, this stranger, held firm by a heavy hand to the back of my neck, and for the first time since I got that bloody phone call and my whole world was destroyed, I felt safe. Safe with a complete stranger, safe with some…alpha. My brain fought the idea, but something else, something much bigger and more primal, rose up and settled me, and for a second, there was only a kind of stillness, a peace that I sank into and kept on sinking.

“Bring the lady’s friends to the VIP section upstairs and whichever guests they want with them,” he ordered, speaking over my head to someone else. “Lay the full spread on—booze, food, drugs… Whatever takes their fancy, it’s available and on the house. But no fucking alphas other than those loyal to us. Lock the area down and alert Ryder, stat.”

“Got it, boss.”

He spoke over me with a kind of brutal efficiency, sizing up the situation and surging into action, while I was left reeling. My nipples felt like hard points, the coarse lace and gabardine fabrics abrading against sensitive skin that longed for much gentler handling. My thighs scissored, trying to achieve the kind of friction I craved deep down but only managing to make the itch bite harder.

“It’s all right, omega. I’ve got you.”

I hung onto that voice like a lifeline, helping me keep my head above the riotous swirl of sensation that destroyed my composure.

My world went sideways as I was swept up into a pair of muscular arms and carried away from the bar, across the floor and over to a lift, a man hurrying forward to punch the button for the alpha.

“What are you doing?” I asked with a squirm, something in the back of my mind insisting this was a very bad idea. “

“Me? I’m Jace and I’m trying to keep you safe.”

2

Jace

She had perfect pouty lips that sent my mind straight to the gutter. Her, spread naked on my bed—my beast flashed a 3D image of exactly how that’d go into my mind. He was rattling in the cage I kept him in, demanding to get out. His prey was in sight, and if her reaction to my pheromones was anything to go by, she’d soon be begging me to take her in any way I wanted.

Yeah, I needed to think of something fucking else, find someone else to take care of her. My beast roared his disdain at that idea

“What’s your name, omega?” I asked.

She was half out of it already, but I figured learning the name of the woman who was sprawled all over me was a necessary first step.

“Sloane,” she said, big eyes gazing up at me in wonder, pupils blown to fuck.

My sweet, startled, prim omega had stumbled right into the beast’s den. He pummelled my mind with debauched images of her slammed up against the elevator wall, of her spread out on my bed as I feasted on her slick, of her coming apart for me and only me.

No, I growled back. We don’t do that and aren’t like that. Because with those images came memories of Ella, of her heat, of men going into her room and the subsequent screams.

Despite remembering everything that had been done to my sister, my iron resolve was slipping. My cock was already hard and ready for whatever Sloane needed. My beast wanted nothing more than to serve her and tend her through her awakening.

But on this we agreed—I needed to get her somewhere safe, far away from a fuck ton of prying eyes. Somewhere without any other alphas sniffing around what was mine.

Mine? She wasn’t fucking mine.

Her vulnerability hit me like a blow between the eyes.

A little needy whimper escaped her lips, and she pressed in tighter. Fuck! I’d never felt like this before, never been this affected by an omega going through her change. Then I remembered Ella.

That was the cold douse of water my libido needed.

I didn’t buy into the alpha bullshit that we couldn’t help ourselves, that we were only giving them what they needed. Omegas were lost to their hormones once the change hit. A strong alpha protected. A weak alpha took.

“Em? Jude? Jewel?” Sloane mumbled.

“They’re coming, baby,” I said. “I’ll take good care of them for you.”

Yess… he hissed inside my mind, pacing in his cage, testing its limits. Taking care of an omega? He liked that very much indeed, because that was the only contact he got with omegas—making sure that every one we could find in the zone was safe.

The elevator opened, and I stepped out into the VIP section. Wait staff were already on standby to cater to my guests’ every need.

A small private dance floor was on the left, while on the right, high stools lined the small bar ringed in low-lit neon blue and pink. Low couches and tables hugged the wall to the side of the entrance in intimate alcoves lit by a subtle version of the neon pink and blue, while opposite was a balcony offering views over the club and an open staircase that led to the main dance floor if they were so inclined. Bright lights rotated through the colour spectrum beyond the balcony, heavy bass vibrating through the soles of my feet. This was a safe environment, one I could control much easier than the wider club. It provided a breathing space into which I could figure out what the fuck to do.

I’d made it to the couch and taken a seat, with Sloane on my lap because my beast wouldn’t have it any other way, when squeals came from behind—her friends arriving. The room could handle a hundred, so the twenty or so who piled out of the elevator wasn’t going to cause an issue. The young beta guy who wished he was an omega had already picked up one of my guys, while the girls also had escorts. Security followed them in, subtly positioning themselves to watch over the goings on. Champagne appeared, and they barely paid any attention to the fact their friend was already sitting on an alpha’s lap. They flopped onto the low seats opposite us, chinking glasses, getting cosy.

Two minutes later, another elevator load arrived.

“It’s my sister’s birthday,” Sloane said with a grimace.

“Not a problem. The staff here will take good care of her. Make sure she has the best time. Security will make sure everyone is safe.”

She settled at hearing this news. Now was the time to put her aside, get her a room maybe, have her sister call her a fucking cab, but fuck, getting her out of the zone wasn’t even a guarantee of success with the Dawn Agency’s bullshit. One look at her sister, and I could see how that would go down. The woman I assumed was her sister, because she was wearing sequinned cat ears and everyone was hugging her and squealing, was already up and on the dance floor, hips swaying, hands up in the air, when a third elevator arrived and yet more revellers entered. How many fucking friends did she have?

I leaned back to talk to one of my guys hovering behind me. “Find out what’s taking Ryder so long and get Dane up here too” I said. I knew the alphas here, but still…it was a matter of instincts versus civility. If things went pear-shaped, if an alpha’s instincts got the better of them…the betas on duty were nowhere near enough.

An alpha who’d come up with the party dared to look our way, and a low growl rumbled in my chest. You know what they say about the road to hell and what it was paved with… I never intended this shit to happen. I’d helped plenty of omegas who’d been thrust in the zone. If I were smart, I would’ve gotten someone I trusted up here, or let the girls guide Sloane through what was happening, because who could help her adjust better than them?

Us. Mine. Mark, breed, claim.

His voice was hypnotic, seductive, battering down my own fucking boundaries and he was a part of me. My teeth locked down, my fangs aching, my cock throbbing with long waves of such an intense pleasure, it had my head spinning, and then she did it. Our fates were sealed. My little omega whimpered, pressing in closer, lips finding the skin at my throat. Mine, my beast purred. That shit went straight to my dick, making it so hard, it damn near bust out of my zipper. I eyeballed the alpha, waiting for him to turn away first, to remember who ruled in this place, letting my sweet prize soothe me and take my aggression down a notch. Sometimes, betas tried to emulate omega behaviour, watching some shit on the internet, thinking they could fake it.

You couldn’t fake instincts. Sloane’s small hands petting my skin, nose tracing the column of my throat, that was natural to an omega.

I jerked my head to a beta waitress. “Get me a bottle of water and a comforter.”

My sister used to love her comforter and would snuggle under it so that she felt safe. A tic thumped in my jaw as I remembered how little safety she’d experienced, and me, too fucking young, too weak to help her then. My arms tightened around the omega nestled on my lap. She felt right there, like she belonged.

Does belong. Mine.

She’s not yours, arsehole. You’re a stand-in until you can figure out what the fuck to do.

Only I didn’t have a fucking clue what to do. I needed someone else to tend to her, someone who was experienced with a new omega. Someone I trusted not to hurt her.

Ryder was experienced, and I loved that fucker like a brother. So why did the thought of passing her over to him make me break out in a cold sweat, my jaw lock up tight, and my fist clench in anticipation of beating him to a bloody pulp should he dare to put his hands upon her?

My beast agreed, showing me exactly what he’d do if Ryder came anywhere near her. He accepted our arrangement most of the time, but this, this omega, out of all the ones we’d found, this was the one to threaten that.

I was so fucked.

A water bottle materialised a moment later, and I snapped off the lid and passed it to my overwhelmed charge.

“Drink some, baby.”

She pushed the bottle back toward me, more interested in burying her nose in the crook of my throat. I tipped her head back, her little gasp went straight to my throbbing cock, and held her eyes as I presented her with the bottle again. “If I tell you to do something, baby, you’re going to do it like a good girl, or you’re going to find yourself over my lap with this cute little schoolmarm dress tugged up and your bare bottom getting acquainted with the palm of my hand.”

Yesss…

This was the point where it all went to hell, where I should’ve found Ryder and shoved her at him with all the force in my body. I had to have known I was standing on a cliff edge, looking down at my destruction, ready to fucking jump off, no matter what my brain screamed. I could see the defiance building, the flash in her eyes. Her body moved like a snake’s, writhing against me, coiling, ready to refuse, to test my resolve.

And me? I just smiled.

“Don’t test me, baby,” I said. “Alphas rarely bluff.”

Peeking at me through her lashes, she accepted the bottle from me and took the tiniest sip.

My lips twitched, despite the pain I was in with my raging hard-on. Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea what I want to do to you. If I gave into the beast inside me, you’d find yourself on your knees in that prim little dress, begging for a taste of my cum.

Fuck, I wanted her to. Fight me, he growled. Fight me, and I’ll show you who’ll win. Defiance was natural to an omega. Only the worthiest male would breed her.

Fuck!

Breeding… How the fuck had my mind digressed to that? That was not on the program. She needed gentling and careful handling. She needed assistance adjusting to her life now, because everything had changed. Her body was in turmoil, sensations, scents, needs, all mixed up into a potent cocktail no drug or alcohol could emulate.

The betas tried to fake that too. There was illegal shit you could take that made their pussy cream and their head a little woozy, like that was all there was to it.

It didn’t interest me.

The little omega sending coy glances my way did.

A beta server approached with a thick, plush comforter in her hands. I took it from her.

Sloane’s nose twitched as it was handed over, her small hand sliding up my chest and a glare shot at the waitress to let the other woman know I was off limits. Instincts she didn’t even understand were kicking in. Damn, it was cute.

“What’s this?” Confusion entered her pretty face as I tucked the comforter around her. Her hand went to it tentatively, giving a little squeeze and test before her sigh said it was to her satisfaction. Fingers stroking the soft pile of the blanket, she was caught up in the sensory banquet of the fabric like any omega would.

I’d always thought my beast driven into rut , that sexual urge so fucking intense, it felt like your balls were boiling, would make me fall. That one day, he’d just fucking snap, collect up the closest omega, and drive himself into her over and over until all that repressed need was exhausted. I hadn’t been prepared for this.

I swear my chest swelled with joy at seeing that I had pleased her. I knew it was just pheromones, instincts, and chemical bullshit that both of us were pumping out, but fuck if that mattered because she did. I watched her spine loosen, her body softening as she tucked herself in tighter against me, and I knew I was in deep fucking shit.

However the hell this came to be, right now, I knew without a doubt that Sloane was mine.

I heard his laugh inside my head, low and dirty, but it didn’t matter. Seeing her curled up against me, so sweet, completely surrendering, that was what it took.

It was her needs that punched into my gut. She needed tending to, and there was no fucking way I could hand her over to anyone else. I’d go on a fucking rampage. I had to accept what was happening to me and that I wouldn’t willingly let her go. I could do this. I could be there for her. I could help her through her change and give her what she craved.

If she chose me. I needed her to choose me, because if she didn’t, someone would need to knock me the fuck out before I could let her go. In my mind, I was already forming a plan if she said no.

“Eyes on me, baby,” I said, cupping her chin, and drew her to face me.

As our eyes met, she twitched, hand going to the comforter over her tummy.

“You feeling needy, omega?” I asked. “You want me to take care of you?”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“I think you do. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

Her small hand tightening into a fist on my T-shirt shredded the last of my control. I growled low but quickly shifted it to a purr, feeling like a fucking king when she softened in response. My hand slid around her throat, resting against the delicate column and feeling the pulse leap under my fingertips. Her pupils seemed to explode so wide, the last of the pretty blue disappeared. Another twitch, another whimper, and her eyes lowered to my lips.

“Please, Jace,” she said.

“Fuck,” I muttered before lowering my lips to hers.

She whimpered into my mouth before her tongue came out to play, tentatively at first, then becoming emboldened as it tangled with mine.

That fast, I was drowning. My purr dropped to a growl again, but I didn’t care that it would be driving her pussy to weep slick, nor did I worry about the potent effect it would have on her rampant, newly awakened emotions. Slanting my mouth over hers, I deepened the kiss, hand slipping under the comforter to cup the gentle swell of her tit. Even through the material, her nipple was hard as stone. I swallowed up her mumbled nonsense as I stroked it with my thumb, feeling it grow fat and engorged, begging for my lips. Pinching it between finger and thumb through the material, I squeezed hard.

It was like a shot of electricity went through her. Wrenching my mouth away, I cupped the back of her head, pressing her nose against my chest as I tugged roughly on her sensitive nipple. “Breathe deep, omega,” I rumbled against her temple. “That’s it, baby. I’m going to make you feel so fucking good. Going to work my fat cock in just how you need it and fill you all up. Then once you’re taking that like my good girl, I’m going to work my knot in as well.”

Fuck, I’d never given anyone my knot before, but now… My heart smashed in my chest, the beast inside clawing at me. He was coming out, and the only thing I could control was how soon. Mark, breed, claim.

Nails scored my throat, and she shifted, trying to climb me. Her other hand was at my belt buckle, tugging on it with an impatient sob. I gave her a little shake and a growl, and her attention was once more on my face.

I thought about letting her lead this. She was so deep down the hole already, I could spread her out on the low table and rut her and she wouldn’t give a fuck. I was right there with her, but there were other alphas here, and her scent was enough to send even the most stoic alpha bastard right over the edge.

“Tell me to take care of you,” I said. “Tell me to rut you, and I will give you everything you need.”

“Please,” she said without the slightest hesitation. “I need you, Jace.”

My reservations imploded. My omega, she needed me.

Was I taking advantage of her? No, but I was toeing it close to the line.

Was that going to stop me? Fuck no. She’d picked me and asked me to take care of her.

She’d been mine the moment she walked in the gate, I realised, wearing that prim little dress more suited to a job interview than a nightclub and a haughty expression like the entire zone was beneath her contempt. The thought of taming her, breaking down the ice queen inside her, and letting the greedy little girl out had drawn me to her, but now? Her designation shouldn’t matter, yet it changed everything.

Omegas needed alphas, but us? Looking at her, I realised I fucking needed her just as much. Whether it was for tonight only or… I didn’t let myself think too far down that road. I couldn’t, wouldn’t.

Gathering her up in my arms, comforter and all, I strode for the elevator. The beta standing beside it punched the button for my floor.

“Make sure her companions don’t get into any trouble and the alphas with them treat them right. Any trouble, get Ryder on it.”

He nodded. The elevator opened, and we rode up to my penthouse.

3

Sloane

This was wrong, so fucking wrong.

So why did it feel so right?

At least I thought that was what it was. I shook my head, trying to clear it, some weird little whine escaping my lips, and that wasn’t all.

I need you?

What the hell was that and where had that come from? I wondered about that, but my body had a ready answer. A wetness I’d never experienced soaked my dress, coating my thighs—something I’d only heard about in sex ed at school, in disgusted tones, with other beta women.

Slick.

My body was readying itself to take an alpha’s knot in the way only my kind could, just in case I needed further proof that I was an omega. I hissed as I staggered out of the elevator, Jace in no hurry to follow. There was no need now, not when he had me right where he wanted me. I dimly saw the open plan living space with a big screen TV, a couple of couches, and the darkened doorway of a bedroom. He smiled when I turned back to face him, a slow, feline thing.

That was what he seemed like, one of those big cats that paced back and forth in their cages in the zoo, but this one had been let out. No, he had never experienced bars that stopped him from what he was doing, made evident when those massive arms reached up, grabbing the top of the elevator door frame, and surely he knew what that did. Every muscle was on display, outlined by the mood lighting in the suite, making flesh the terrible power he carried. He snorted when he watched me freeze like prey before a predator, dropping his arms and prowling closer.

“What… Why am I here?” I asked, which was bloody stupid in hindsight.

“You know,” he replied, strolling on up. I could run, try to get away, get around him, but I didn’t.

Because he was right—I did know. I’d asked for this, begged for this. My feet were rooted to the floor and sliding outwards, slick was running down my thighs, my nipples felt like they were boring their way through my dress with every breath, and my cunt? Not a nice word, not a decorous word, but the only one for this moment. It flexed and clenched, sending little thrills of pleasure through my body, alerting me of what was to come.

Me.

My brain fought this idea and the absolute certainty in his eyes as he moved closer, his sheer bloody size becoming more and more apparent the nearer he got. He threw a shadow over me as he came to a stop, so tall, so broad, so powerful that even the lights couldn’t get to me, just him. His hand raised and he smiled as I watched its every move, but I didn’t run screaming, did I? When I was a teenager, us girls had talked about what we’d do if approached by an alpha, their brutal ways often discussed in the media, shackled men being led into the courthouse often shown on the news. We’d all assured each other we’d run, scream, call the police, fight him off with our beta ingenuity, but there was a little stun gun in my bag waiting there for me to use and I didn’t reach for it.

I reached for him.

“Mm…” A little purr of pleasure came from him as my hand splayed across one pec, my palm looking even smaller now, but this was quickly covered with his, lest I think about pulling it away. But I couldn’t, could I? That rigid flesh, flexing slightly under my hand, then it all started to move. He squeezed my hand for a second, then pulled away, jerking the tight singlet that hid nothing over his head and tossing it to the ground. A low groan escaped my lips as acres of brown skin were revealed. Both hands reached for him now, for a body I’d only ever seen on thirst traps on social media. A body of sheer perfection.

Hard muscles, ropey sinews, veins that throbbed under the skin. I got closer and closer as I mapped each one, my breath coming in faster, which dragged his scent deeper into my lungs, making my head spin lazily. For some reason, the waitress on the floor below and the hungry way she’d looked at my alpha sprung to mind, my fingers turning to claws now, raking across his flesh.

“Mine…” I ground out.

“Damn fucking straight, baby,” he rumbled, the time for inspection now over as his hands, then arms, wrapped around me.

I was tugged up close, so I could feel every bloody inch of this hard body and how damn ready it was for me, causing another whimper to fall from my lips. Everything was going so fast, so hot, my mind struggled to get my head around it, but he had the answer to that. A big hand went to the back of my head, pushing my head into the crook of his neck, where there was only him—his scent, his taste, my tongue flicking out to lick his skin, his low purr.

“Now I want to see you, the little omega who’s going to tell me what she needs.”

Tell him? Could I really tell this powerful alpha what I needed? Could I tell him that I was imagining myself sinking to my knees, looking up at him, and begging sweetly for him to feed me his cock?

A part of my mind, the lone remnant of my former beta nature, rebelled at that, stiffening, but he wasn’t having that. His fingers tightened and kept me exactly where I was, forced to breathe his scent in, practically choking on it, which was only a foreshadowing of what was to come. I struggled more earnestly now, but was I pushing him away or pulling him closer? He paid me no mind, drawing down the zipper of my dress in a quick movement before he jerked away, letting the material, and my last shield from him, fall away

Eyes as hot as the sun took in everything I had, now on display, my dress pooling at my feet. I sucked oxygen in greedily, but that just made his smile turn positively feral, his eyes lingering where my breasts now heaved.

“Take them off,” he said, but with no alpha bark, so it was as much a suggestion as a command. I could refuse and keep my hands by my sides, where they had now formed balls. “Take them off and show me that beautiful fucking body that makes mine ache. I’m so fucking hard, Sloane. Take them off, if this is what you want. If you want me.”

He stepped back, away from me, and I swayed a little like I’d forgotten how to stand without his support. There I was, caught on the horns of a dilemma. My arms shook with the effort of holding myself still, my mind racing, but why? What did I want? My mind and body warred over that. What had I said? That I wanted him to… I swallowed hard, then a weird little whine escaped my throat.

“Omega…”

His voice was deep, warm, and felt like dropping into a hot bath, and that was what I liked to tell myself to excuse what came next. My fingers shook as I reached behind, flicking open my bra clasp.

“Fuck, yes…” he purred, pacing exactly like a wild animal, wanting to come closer but refusing to do so, not until my fingers went to my underwear. I shimmied the sodden fabric down and felt the lace drag on my skin, coated with my slick, when he decided he’d had enough. His fist tightened around the scrap of cloth, wrenching it free before dragging it up to his nose.

I watched his eyelids flutter slightly as he took a deep breath, and for a second, he stood there, wavering, a boyish smile on his face, before his eyes flicked open, the dark colour there gone almost completely black.

“I need to taste that pretty pussy that smells so sweet, need to fucking gorge myself on you. I want you running down my chin and my throat, saturating me with your pleasure. And when you’re screaming for me, that’s when you’ll get what you need, what you’ve always needed deep down.”

“No…” I hissed, some of the old Sloane, not wholly colonised by whatever his touch had done to me, coming through.

Head cocked to the side, he studied me. “You asked for me, Sloane. Said you needed me.” I stumbled back. He watched me kick off my heels, standing there buck fucking naked, turning away from him.

“You want to run,” he said, like he could see right through me. “It’s instinctual for an omega to want to test her chosen alpha. I’ll still rut you. That’s a given, and you fucking know it. You run, and I’ll make you wait. The dumb bastards have conditioned you to think like a beta, but I’ll make you realise that civility is only a façade. You’re an omega, and you need an alpha deep inside you. You need me.”

He felt too calm, too in control, while I felt like I was on the verge of madness.

“No!” I cried, stumbling back, doing exactly as he said I would but unable to quiet the thrashing of my heart inside my chest. Adrenalin pumped through me, screaming at me, telling me I was in danger and I needed to get the hell out, every limb quivering.

Or were they?

My mind and my body were fighting what was happening to it and what was about to, then a knife-like twist of vicious pleasure inside me confused the issue, cutting deep and letting me know that would only get deeper if I went down this path.

But I couldn’t bloody stop, could I?

I turned around—my first mistake, putting my back to a predator—as I scanned the room, the elevator, him standing resolutely before that, arms crossed, a knowing smile on his face. I took three steps towards the kitchen, thinking I could grab a knife and hold him off. Yeah, that lasted as long as the next wet gush went sliding down my thighs. The bedroom. I could run into there, slam the door shut, lock it, and call for help. There were services, people who could get me out of here if I just—

“This is still your choice, Sloane. You can tell me to stop at any time, and even though it’ll fucking kill me, I will. But I’m telling you now, if you run, that’s a big green fucking light. Get it out of your system now, because it’s my turn later.”

Choice? I could tell him no… I eyed him warily. I’d asked for this, begging him, causing him to bring me here, my body aching so badly.

“Run little omega, and I will rut you how you need. Say no, and I’m gonna walk away.”

His words lit a bomb underneath me, muscles I didn’t know I had firing as I ran through the living area, curling around the couch, and into the warm, woody scented haven of the bedroom. I was gasping for air, despite only having run a short distance, and slammed the door behind me, swallowed now by all the comforting gloom of the room. Hands shaking, I felt for the lock, engaging it, and then slid down the door, hoping to jam it closed with my body weight.

A small sob escaped me then, my whole body shaking, but not from fear like I imagined a sane beta would. Whatever part of me resisted this, what I was, what he was, it was dying a slow, horrible death because when I felt his presence outside the door, scenting him, hearing the creak of the wood as his weight pressed against it, the knife inside me cut deeper. I ached, that was what the adrenalin had been masking, my hand sliding through my slick, my palm cupping my pubic mound at the sudden sharp stab of agony.

“I’m not gonna kick this door down,” he said, seeming to know the moment when my body went into revolt against me. “I’m not gonna smash the lock, or any fucking lock in this place that you might think to use against me. I could, without a fucking thought. You think you can fight this, hide from this? Hide from me?” I heard the pain in his voice, even if I couldn’t see it. “You can’t. I’m your alpha, baby, and you want and need me. Do you feel it now—a pleasure so sharp, it feels like your insides are turning out?”

I nodded, panting rapidly now as another wave came, pleasure and pain mixing so intensely, it was hard to make out which was winning, my whole face screwing up to try and bear it.

“You could decide before to let some fucking unworthy bastard between your thighs. Let him pierce you with a few unspectacular thrusts, completely ignoring your clit. Let him blow his pathetic little bolt inside you, leaving you unhappy and unsatisfied. That’s the privilege of a beta—you decide when, where, and with whom to have sex. But that’s not you anymore, baby. You’ve only got one choice, omega, and that’s when. How much pain are you going to put yourself through, pretending what I’m saying isn’t true?”